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- Paris Hilton

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Happy Hanukkah day 2

But also

Happy Boxing Day

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finally, someone for tumblr

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rest in fucking pieces

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You can tell when someone’s frame of reference for “normal people” is more “people at the church sponsored ice cream social” and less “people on the bus”

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Digging through my WIP folder and I found notes for a story idea I had about a dragon adopting a human.

Not on accident, mind you, the dragon doesn’t just stumble across a human infant and adopts it. The dragon decides it wants to adopt a human.

The dragon explains this to its lich friend: “I want someone to take care of me in my old age! A human would be great! Imagine how easily it could talk the other humans into leaving me alone! And– and it might decide to grow up and become a goldsmith, right? Some humans become goldsmiths. My human might decide to go into goldsmithing too!”

“I think you’re overestimating the percentage of humans who become goldsmiths,” replies the lich friend, who is not terribly discouraging of the idea, but also not particularly invested in it at this point. It seems like a plan with a lot of potential points of failure.

The dragon is undeterred, mostly because it has a whole hoard of gold coins and goblets and jewelry and trinkets that seem to indicate to it that there must, in fact, be a great number of humans who know goldsmithing to have produced all that.

Anyway, the dragon decides to shapeshift into a humanoid form, go into a city, and adopt a human child. It needs the lich’s help, because it doesn’t know anything about human fashion. The lich’s knowledge on the subject is a few centuries outdated, but they attack a few fancy carriage on the road and reverse-engineer an outfit from what the humans inside them were wearing. (Those humans were nobles, it’s fine, it’s a victimless crime)

The lich fusses a lot with the humanoid appearance of the dragon until everything looks just so.

(“Am I actually doing it wrong, or are you just making me shapeshift into something you find more attractive?” the dragon asks.

“If you want me to pose as your husband, this is the price to pay,” the lich replies.)

They go into the city, anyway, and they find an orphanage on the shady side of town, where the tired, overworked and underpaid matron clearly sees there’s something not right about these two, but not in any obvious way she can put her finger on. She’s just happy to have one less mouth to feed.

Anyway, child get! 

She comes along quietly, and doesn’t even comment when she’s taken to a dragon lair.

The dragon is ecstatic with its new acquisition.

(“Does it know any commands?” the dragon wonders. “Sit! Stay! Roll over?”

“You may be thinking of dogs,” the lich points out. “Children do not perform tricks.”

They both looked at the human child, trying to figure out how to approach her.

“So, what scam are you running here?” the little girl asked suddenly, startling both the dragon and the lich.

“I was wrong,” the lich says, “they’ve definitely been teaching children new tricks since I was alive.”)

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that clip of eminem in 2000 mocking a horrendous liam interview where he's giving the interviewer 2 words per answer how fake cool people look when a real idgafer comes at them

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not to be “that one friend who’s too woke” but the racial angle of having the (black) doctor work as a waiter/hotel porter/bellboy-whatever for a year while he’s stuck on earth when he’s the smartest person on the planet who could just go and lecture at a university again if he wanted to is a bit of a strange choice even if it does fit with the overall hotel theme

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no one wants to write a real gossip rag of a book anymore everyone wants to be serious and write about musical influences and chart positions now philip norman would kill himself in this biographical climate

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This is the standard winged nightjar and it has one singular stupidly big feather on each wing... if you even care.

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i believe that bootstrap paradoxes / stable time loops are inherently religious. if something exists as an effect without cause, if something has been there because it has always been there, if any surrounding events would shift around it to accomodate its always-being-there, if something sprung into existence out of the void because it always had to have sprung into existence, if something exists for no reason and with no apparent explanation once you begin to unravel the chain of events that supposedly lead to its arrival, then that something can be understood as none other than the work of God. God the writer; God that inserts a self-balancing perpetual motion engine into the narrative to resolve a plot hole. a bridge strung over the chasm of impossibility. it came to be because God-the-author decreed it so. because without it the story would grind to a halt, and that's the sound of the universe collapsing

nobody tell the doctor. they'd never get over it.

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I think sometimes people think eugenics is bad but its still true, like thinking that if people with certain traits have children it will change society for better or worse based upon what traits are promoted. I think its important to emphasize that eugenics is not only wrong morally it's also fake and stupid bullshit

Like eugenics was supposed to be based on the idea that "If it works with animals to select only the best ones to breed, why wouldn't it work with humans?"

well it doesn't work with animals, that's the thing. applying the eugenics ideas to domestic breeds of animals hasn't made better animals it's just made animals with more extreme expression of certain traits. turns out that when you decide which traits are the "best" and become obsessed with the genetic purity of the animals that have the "best" traits, you might well end up with some sad suffering creature like a Pug, or the Persian cats with the smashed faces that are in constant pain because their teeth and airways and brains are getting crushed by their skulls, or those meat chickens that grow so fast they can hardly even stand up after a few weeks old, or inbred race horses with tiny feet and fragile toothpick legs

like almost all traits are neither "good" or "bad" they're way more complex than that. a long tail or a long snout or a stubborn, independent personality can be good or bad depending on the situation. Who gets to decide what is a "good" trait or a "bad" trait? It's arbitrary and selecting for traits that are "good" in your opinion will often have both "good" and "bad" outcomes because the "good" and "bad" are part of each other and not separate its just part of being alive

Obviously oversimplifying everything but you get it. we did eugenics with dogs and how did that go? not very well

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are you attracted to facial hair?

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Actually since Santa is an incorruptible divine being, he cannot be made of inherently corruptible physical matter, so the cookies and milk are illusions

Cookies represent the body of Santa while the milk represents the blood of Santa

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the absolute power these images hold