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Construction has begun, get your matches ready everyone

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few things more humbling than the realization that you really do write the same fic(s) over and over again

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Mainly because when he started adopting kids he just sort of figured 'this is just what you do with children' since it's how he was raised and then felt weird not doing it with the rest after Dick and Jason, all the Batkids have random super obnoxious rich kid skills that Bruce either taught them or sent them to classes for. Obviously they all know how to fence, that's pretty common knowledge-- but they're all also fluent in French and Latin (plus varying degrees of Arabic and Ancient Greek), very well familiar with dining and event etiquette for any possible situation (mostly by Alfred's doing), well versed in classical literature and mythology, capable with at least one instrument (piano for most of them-- though Dick plays the flute!), and quite comfortable writing in cursive to the point where for almost all of them it's their natural handwriting, just like Bruce.

This usually isn't an issue... Except for that time when, early in his crimelord career, Jason sent a threatening note reading--

I will find you 🩷✨

--to a gang leader in his territory, which... Didn't have its intended effect. He used magazine cutouts to write his threatening notes from then on.

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Dick, waking up and panicking: I'M LATE FOR THE YOUNG JUSTICE MEETING

Dick, laying back down: Oh wait I'm not Robin anymore.

Dick:

Dick, shooting back up: I'M THE TEAM LEADER-

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Press, holding a microphone too close to Tim’s face at a gala: how are you settling in at the Wayne’s now you’re officially adopted?

Tim, with a confused face: What do you mean? I’m not adopted.

Press: ..What? No, you were adopted-

Tim: Bruce gave birth to me.

Bruce, behind Tim, nodding: Obviously.

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hc that every couple months jason texts tim like "hey r you going rogue yet?" "no" "alr lemme know if you change your mind" until one night tim gets this text while he's having an absolute shit week and goes yknow what? why not and suddenly the internet is filled with news that red hood teamed up with an unknown associate to cause chaos(stealing from corrupt billionaire type chaos, not mass murder of innocents type chaos) and said associate randomly shows up again every couple months

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Damian: I accidentally poisoned someone’s drink but forgot which one.

Bruce: What??

Dick: the fuck??

Tim: With the way this dinner is going I hope it’s mine.

(blame @moon-x0 for this <3)

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I am finally scheduled for surgery Tomorrow!!! So i will be a bit MIA in socials… so yeah? Wish me luck

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Not me just noticing i never posted this comic strip??!!! What?

So, CONTEXT!!! I had a dumb idea that would’ve not let me sleep if i didn’t rough sketch it. I remember i read somewhere that bunnies can snap their backs if they jump too high.

And now i am picturing the batfam bubble-wrapping BunnyWing after Damian Wayne dropped that info bomb...Like after this, bunnywing needs to be carried everywhere. He is terrified (and also highkey happy he gets to be cuddled by everyone)

Damian “I have the gentleness of a chainsaw with words and cannot show love like a normal person” Wayne, will drop kick anyone that doesn’t support bunny Grayson’s back properly. He will not risk it.

Back and lower leg injuries are apparently the number one cause of bunny paralysis. Grayson cannot be hurt.

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Joker dies bcs during his big dramatic speech of the day he tries to be be all insane and funny by pretending to shoot himself in the head with his BANG! flag gun but he fucks up getting distracted by flirting with Batman and mixes up his guns and he shoots himself in the face in front of the bats. Jason, who was being bodily held back from shooting him himself by Bruce and Dick for the past 15 minutes, laughs so hard he fractures a rib and has to be carried back to the batmobile

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The Wayne spectrum has two ends: Sugar baby or sugar daddy. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

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au where instead of wanting to murder his own replacement, jason just decides to. replace somebody else. and that's now dick ends up in an increasingly ridiculous back and forth fight between himself and some random fucker who keeps showing up in a nightwing costume pretending to be him

dick's never been more pissed off in his life. theres literally nothing he did to deserve this, and now he has to fight for the vigilante persona HE created? it only gets worse because the more frustrated dick gets about the whole situation, the funnier this fake nightwing seems to find it.

it gets personal when damian starts calling the fake nightwing his big brother too. of course, jason was there first, but dick doesn't know that. and it's driving him fucking insane

he thinks that he's got the guy when he stands on top of a building in the middle of a massive fight, tries to do a quadrupal somersault, and promptly eats shit in front of everybody, but instead of realising he's a faker now the rest of the underworld thinks that nightwing's losing his touch.

he cries in alfred's arms at the injustice of it all.

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Not me just noticing i never posted this comic strip??!!! What?

So, CONTEXT!!! I had a dumb idea that would’ve not let me sleep if i didn’t rough sketch it. I remember i read somewhere that bunnies can snap their backs if they jump too high.

And now i am picturing the batfam bubble-wrapping BunnyWing after Damian Wayne dropped that info bomb...Like after this, bunnywing needs to be carried everywhere. He is terrified (and also highkey happy he gets to be cuddled by everyone)

Damian “I have the gentleness of a chainsaw with words and cannot show love like a normal person” Wayne, will drop kick anyone that doesn’t support bunny Grayson’s back properly. He will not risk it.

Back and lower leg injuries are apparently the number one cause of bunny paralysis. Grayson cannot be hurt.

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Red Hood comes back and everything's the same except Bruce doesn't realise that while Jason's still pissed at him, it's more of a familial feud than it is a genuine casting himself away from the family forever. Jason's under the impression that what's going on between him and B is just normal teenage rebellion- after all, Dick basically did the same shit when they were younger, he remembers sitting on top of the stairs and listening to the arguments, hell he remembers eating popcorn while stood in the middle of a couple of them. they're a family of fucked up vigilantes, it makes sense to him that their father-son brawls are just as dramatic as the rest of their lives.

after the rooftop showdown where Bruce saves the Joker he gets into the batmobile, slightly depressed that he has to go back home and tell Alfred that he failed oh so spectacularly at convincing Jason to come home and probably actually made things a 100% worse and oh god when he finds out about the batarang-

Red Hood opens the passenger door and gets into the car

Jason: jesus christ B are you THAT fucking stubborn? YOU ALMOST DECAPITATED ME WITH THAT THING

Bruce:

Jason: whatever. actually, don't fucking talk to me. I'm not continuing this until next patrol where trust me I WILL be shooting you in the neck.

Bruce: ...w-

Jason: CAN YOU HURRY UP AND FUCKING DRIVE ALREADY? Jesus it's fucking freezing out and the heater isn't even on!

Bruce has absolutely no fucking clue what's going on. He continues to stare in the very rare Batman Bafflement that only his kids have ever managed to get out of him.

Is Jason... coming home with him?

He's so shocked at the sudden turn of events, so scared of flinching slightly in the wrong direction and ruining whatever the fuck convinced his son to actually get in the car with him, that he decides in a moment of pure panic to not question it. He turns the car on, silently turns on the heater, and proceeds to white knuckle the steering wheel and stiffly drive back to the manor, terrified that even breathing too loud will disrupt the way the Red Hood is spitefully messing with the radio station until it's playing Bruce's least favourite station at a way-too-loud volume.

when they get home Jason flips Bruce off and goes straight to the kitchen, dishing himself up some food from the dinner table with a couple of casual greeting grunts as if everyone isn't staring at him in shock and awe. Bruce comes in behind him and shrugs helplessly. Dick's face has gone white, and he's clutching his glass so hard it's started to splinter in his hands. Tim's the only person who manages to get past it all, blinking up at Jason's massive hulking frame.

Tim: I thought you hated us now

Jason: *eating, gives a questioning hum*

Tim: you keep fighting with Batman

Jason: yeah, fuck batman. I'm so pissed at him right now

Bruce: h-

Jason: Shut the fuck up I'm still mad at you.

Jason, to Tim: it's family tradition to hate Bruce and strike out on your own. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed Alfie's impeccable cooking.

Tim:

Tim: ...you also tried to kill me

Jason: you replaced me as Robin. an attempt on your life is also family tradition. Dick tried to kill me a month after I took up the mantle

Tim:

Dick, so exasperated it breaks him out of his shock: oh come on, it was not a murder attempt-

Jason, slamming his fist on the table: I HAVE A PEANUT ALLERGY AND YOU TRIED TO FEED ME A SNICKERS BAR!

Dick: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T KNOW-

Bruce, desperate: boys-

Jason, whirling around: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO ME?

Bruce:

Jason: oh that reminds me. hey Alfred? guess what B did like twenty minutes ago.

Alfred: ..?

Bruce: Jaylad please-

Jason: he threw a batarang at my neck.

Alfred:

Bruce:

Alfred: master Bruce-

Bruce quite honestly would have preferred it if Jason was a villain instead of a rebellious teen.

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Reversed Robins

Damian: Tired, exasperated, responsible eldest who tries not to show his amusement at his brothers' antics. (*cough* the mom friend *cough*). Doesn't murder out of respect for Bruce. Has tea with Alfred weekly to bemoan the fact that they are the only ones in this damn family with self-preservation instincts.

Tim: The definition of teenage angst. Killed the Joker, which was never traced back to him. (Damian's rather proud of him for it, especially the planning and skill required to hide it, though he'd never admit that to Bruce). Works with the Bats a lot and is usually on pretty good terms with them, just avoids Batman. Is Oracle's favorite.

Jason and Dick: Adorable small little cinnamon rolls with a side of violent, murderous rage. They feed off of each others' chaotic energy. Have a competition every week to see who can get Damian and Tim to pick them up more (Tim counts for more points because as much as Damian would like to pretend otherwise, he always caves to the puppy eyes, but Tim doesn't usually). Are basically best friends.

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Ok I had this rotting in my mind for days now

Bruce *going live as brucie Wayne because he saw a tweet about him saying he was acting weirdly (it was actually damian shit posting) and paranoid abt his identity he decides to up the brucie effect to 100* : and then he winked at moi! Like, can you believe itttt~

Dick *kicks the door open, bursting into the room full on sobbing* : bruuuceee

Bruce *immediately stops what he was saying and gets up to comfort him* : what's wrong chum?

Tim, steph and duke *run into the room in various levels of crying*

Bruce *actually starts to panic* : kids?

Damian and cass *walk in sniffing* : baba! (Just dami lmao)

Bruce *pale and looks about ready to cry himself* : what's wrong?who was it? Give me names,descriptions, anything-

Jason-youre-not-my-dad-i-dont-live-here-fuck-you-mothefucking-todd *walks in red-faced and barely keeping it together*: dad..

Okay, picture this we've got Bruce pale and sweaty, holding a still sobbing dick and and surrounded by steph,cass,duke and picking damian up all quietly crying and/or sniffing and we've got tim pressing his face to Bruce side, shoulders chaking and then jason of all people starts sniffing and Bruce literally goes even paler (of that's even possibe) and pulls him in

Bruce : What's wrong? Talk to me, sweetheart

Dick : it-it's they- * Starts wailling*

Bruce : they? Who's they? Did you get their names?adresss? Social security number?

Steph : n-no it's not- *hiccups and buries her face on him, you can hear her crying*

Jason :..I don't think I'll ever be the same

Bruce : from what? What is it?

Barbara * Wheeling in, popcorn in hand, eyes red and sniffing:

Bruce : Barbara?

Babs: hey b

*Que lots of sniffing*

Bruce : what's going on?

Babs:Oh, we watched a movie

Bruce: excuse me?

Babs: Yeah, grave of the fireflies, man that was heartbreaking

*higher crying*

Bruce:

The next day

Headlines go like this :

*brucie Wayne secretly just a loving father*

*brucie Wayne threatens whoever hurts his children*

*Wayne children being dependent on their dad no matter how old they get*

Social media similarly is bursting with :

"I love how he was ready to commit murder for them lmaooo"

"Is it just me or did brucie just get 10 times hotter*

"Man, dick grayson crying is something I didn't know I needed, that man is such a pretty crier"

"Damn, I love how tim drake and Stephanie brown just buried themselves in their dad"

"My God I always thought damian wayne was bratty but he's actually really cute?"

*God brucie holding damian, dick and still hugging all his other children is so hot"

"Hold on, isn't jason todd dead?"

(And no, this isn't me projecting. grave of the fireflies did not emotionally destroy me. What?)

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Tim Drake, about trying to convince Batman to not almost kill criminals and himself: