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Bruce: *slowly putting down fork, staring at Jason from across the dinner table* you WHAT Jason: *still eating, unconcerned* what, like it fuckin’ matters? Ain’t no one in th’ damn thing; that’s for sure Bruce: that doesn’t mean you can re-engrave your HEADSTONE to say “here does NOT lie Jason todd, death on hold”!! Jason: *taking another aggressive bite of salad* I don’t see why the fuck not

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big fan of dick hallucinating jason after he died, and tim hallucinating damian after he died. big big fan of it, actually

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Discowing, arms crossed: someone will die-

Jaybin, hanging on Dick’s shoulders: -of fun!

_Years later_

Jason, arms crossed: someone will die-

Dick, hanging on Jason’s shoulders: -of fun.

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after Jason reveals his identity as the Red Hood i like to think about the kids begging for Jason to hang out with them and rejoin the family and that but Jason’s being a little bitch about it so when Dick asks for his phone number he just throws an ouija board at him and says ‘i’ll sense it’

issue is that while slightly drunk and sad that his brother hates him, Dick decided to try it out, and Damian watching him through a crack in the door thought it would be funny to text Jason (because he actually does have his league bro’s number) about it so that Jason could maybe mention it the next time they see each other on patrol to freak Dick out, except Jason was working not too far from the manor at the time and he thought it would be even funnier to swing by, slam up against the window and scream through the glass ‘STOP FUCKING DRUNK TEXTING ME’ and absolutely scares the shit out of Dick. so now Dick thinks that ouija boards actually work on Jason because he’s still part ghost and Jason and Damian are scrambling to try and keep up the ruse because of how funny it is.

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stick it in a pot, cook it up, schlorp it up

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do you guys think that the batkids ever try and sneak weed into the mansion and Ace the Bat-Hound alerts that he can smell drugs and Bruce is just:

Bruce: I’m not mad. I just want to know what it is and who has it.

…

Bruce: And also where you got it.

Tim: *looking at Steph*

Steph: *staring at Tim*

Dick: I for one am just distraught that my baby siblings are doing drugs.

Duke: *glaring accusingly at Dick* Dick offered me weed gummies my first night at the mansion.

Dick: *offended noises of denial*

Steph: *nodding* He always offers me weed when I visit him in Bludhaven too.

Tim: *owner of the weed that Ace is alerting at* Yeah, he’s real into drugs and stuff. Kept offering me gummies during family movie nights

Dick: Okay in my defence-

Bruce: *head in hands* What did I do to deserve this?

Alfred: *vividly remembers Bruce’s party drug phase of grief* What didn’t you do is the real question, Master Bruce.

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I see a lot of social media. So… give me Damian Wayne making social media accounts for Titus, Ace, and Alfred the Cat. Let Alfred the Cat have more followers than the entire family combined. Let Bruce Wayne follow only ten accounts on his official Instagram—and one of them is his son's pets. Give me Damian Wayne celebrating his pets’ birthdays. No one knows when they were actually born, but Damian remembers the days they came into his life, and he celebrates their birthdays because he can and he wants to. Give me the Wayne pets on social media… photos showing how massive Titus is and how he should probably start paying rent at this point. Show Ace constantly getting into fights with Jason and Dick over the clothes, how they're always stealing the clothes. Give me Alfred the Cat judging everyone, or doing something adorable. Just pets. Being soft. Being chaotic. Being beloved.

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They make me SICKKKKKKK

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As always i am hella late to the trend… but i picked up a new stray, Drake was diagnosed with Cushings and mayhaps cancer, and I am in the woes of burnout 🥲 i did try tho, so pls be nice 🫶🏽💜

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Incorrect quotes TIMBERN again, because I said so:

—

Tim: Bern.

Bernard, half awake, it's two in the morning: Hm?

Tim: Will you love me forever?

Bernard: Odd question—

Tim: Usually people say they'll love someone till the day they die but, maybe I don't wanna stop being loved when I die. Maybe I wanna be loved for all eternity no matter what happens. Maybe I wanna be loved even when I die, even after.

Bernard: Mm, that's nice babe. Sure, I'll love you even when we're ghost, having... Freaky ghost sex.

Tim, kicks him under the blankets:

Bernard, snickering:

—

Random reporter at a gala: Mr. Drake-Wayne! Mr. Drake-Wayne! It seems you've brought a plus one tonight! Who is he?

Tim, committed to a bit here, looking over at Bernard: Huh? Oh... Oh. Oh, I have no idea.

Tim, without hesitation or pause, throws himself at Bernard and they begin making out:

Bernard, also committed to the bit, making it the sloppiest make out session possible right in front of the camera:

The camera zooms out to see Dick's horrified face and Bruce's tired expression:

(That's how Tim came out as bisexual to the public.)

—

Bernard, with Tim, walking at night: This is romantic— well, as romantic as Gotham can get.

Tim, holding his hand: It is, and Gotham is very romantic, for your information. I rather like the aesthetic.

Bernard: Well, I for one, like your aesthetic.

Tim: Oh? And what is it you like about it?

Bernard: The eye bags and pale skin, really, brings out the sickly Victorian attitude—

Dick, getting throw from the rooftops and crashing into a nearby wall:

Jason, running out from the same direction, shooting rapidly into the darkness: HI TIM!

Tim: I f#&-#%@ hate this family.

—

Bruce, formally meeting Bernard for the first time: And what exactly are your intentions with my son?

Tim: Bruce, really?

Dick: It's our responsibility, baby bird, only the best for you.

Jason, who was dragged here against his will, reading in the background: I don't care about any of this bulls-#t.

Bernard, making direct eye contact with Tim:

Tim, trying to telepathically tell him no in every language he knows:

Bernard: My intentions are simple sir, to love him, be with him forever, and show him the appreciation he deserves.

Tim, pinching the bridge of his nose:

Bernard: And also find a pair of handcuffs he can't get out of—

Tim: BERNARD!

Bernard: That's not what you called me last night—

Tim: ONE JOB! You had ONE JOB!

Bernard: I think I did that pretty well last night—

Dick:

Jason, slowly looking up from his book:

Bruce, feeling his last functional brain cell imploding:

—

Kon: So, what's Bernard like, is he a good guy?

Tim: Oh, yeah, he's great! We attempted to summon the Jersey Devil last night before making offerings to Dionysus and then sent videos of ourselves singing along to Chapel Roan to Ra's Al Ghul and I made sure it'd play on all his devices, he won't be able to turn them off anytime soon.

Kon:

Kon: Is... That's...

Tim: Romantic, right?

Kon: . . . Y'know what? Good for you, happy for you, buddy.

Tim: Thanks! We're gonna make calzones tonight and genetically modify garlic.

Kon:

—

Alfred: I hear you wish to be a chef some day.

Bernard: Oh, yeah! I love cooking, kinda always have, it's like a break from regular Gotham city chaos.

Alfred, just glad he finally has someone to pass down family recipes to: Yes, my boy, it is.

—

Tim, half asleep, stumbling out his bedroom at four in the afternoon on a weekend:

Bernard: Hey, sleepy head!

Tim, stumbling right up to Bernard, throwing his arms around him:

Bernard: ???

Tim: What if the churozzle is-tha mcgraffle?

Bernard: . . . What?

Tim, promptly falls asleep against Bernard:

—

Bernard, making a TikTok: I was nice to the exchange student ONE TIME in high school.

*The camera zooms over to Tim, dressed in Grinch footie pajamas, there's a smudge of SOMETHING on his cheek, his eyes are glazed over, the television is playing some old Care Bear rerun, he's hunched over, hair in the messiest bun known to man, and he's eating cereal that's so soggy that the fruit loops have become one with the milk, creating an odd, pastel rainbow liquid slop.*

—

The paparazzi waiting for the Wayne's to show up to a very, very important, high class social event and charity gala in Gotham that the Wayne's have been attending for generations, not even Bruce has ever appeared as anything less than well behaved:

*The Wayne's limo arrives, Alfred calmly walks around, opening the door*

Damian, falling out as soon as the door opens, scrambling back: DOWD YOU DEFILER! DISHONOR TO YOU! DISHONOR TO YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!

Cass, dragging Jason out who's waving a gun around, yelling for the first time anyone's ever heard in public: YOU CANNOT SHOOT HIM! TIM IS RIGHT THERE! BERNARD, GET OFF HIM!

Stephanie, cackling like a mad man with her mouth full of popcorn, this is pretty much the only reason she came:

Dick: STOP MAKING OUT OH MY GOD WE DIDN'T EVEN LET YOU TWO DRINK THAT MUCH BEFORE COMING HERE OH MY GOD! TIM DON'T PUT YOUR HAND THERE!!! MY BABY!!!

Duke, getting out to stand to the side: Can we just f#&#@# leave them?? They ain't stoppin' anytime soon and I really don't wanna be around when this progresses.

Bruce, casually getting out the limo, giving Alfred a tight smile as he passes him, going to meet with Barbara and Jim:

Jim, absolutely horrified: By God, Bruce, what happened?

Bruce: Tim turned 21 today, so Alfred sat him and his boyfriend down before we came here for a few rounds of drinks. Unfortunately, we miscalculated how much of a lightweight they both are... And how they might act while drunk.

*The paparazzi cameras zoom to Bernard and Tim passionately making out in the back of the limo...*

Kon, who is here with a less than impressed Lex Luthor: GET IT, TIM!!!

—

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Someone else HAS to have said this but can we appreciate the cosmic joke on Timothy Drake-Wayne that is his boyfriend having figured out behind his back that he's Robin. Like ohhhhh ohhhhhhh I'm so sorry Mr. Drake-Wayne. It must suck to have someone pay a lot of attention to you and figure out your secret bat-identity. Maybe you and someone else in your family this happened to can make a support group about it

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inspired by the beautiful variant cover by stephen byrne

he totally gives me phantom thief vibes!

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Why are they always ten stories up, get down-

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Jason “I need to lay low for a couple days” Todd going to Wayne Manor because it’s actually one of the most, if not the most, secure and off-grid locations in all of Gotham, run by no other than Bruce “my billion dollar underground Cave isn’t one of your hideouts, Jason” Wayne and Alfred “harboring fugitives is a longstanding Wayne Manor tradition, sir” Pennyworth.

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there's a lot of debate on tt about the apothecary diaries anime giving people certain hair and eye colors... guys. guys it's anime rules. nobody actually has pink eyes and blue hair. maomao does not actually have green hair. we SEE her as having these traits because we don't have the same nuanced interpretation of certain features appearing more or less western in the context of this universe. she needs to be different colors to stand out in the visual medium. shes (assumedly) black eyed and dark haired in the novels but its already hard enough to tell apart people bc of how massive the cast is. Li is INSPIRED by imperial China but nothing says it actually is or has to be. people on tiktok are having Serious Debates about this . where is your WHIMSY

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Rikuson: *dances with Maomao*

Jinshi: I will put an end to that man's bloodline.

Rikuson: You should lead the Western capital, Your Highness.

Jinshi: Curse you and your ugly bangs.

Rikuson: *sits on a couch*

Jinshi: The audacity of this son of a b-

Rikuson: 😊

Jinshi: Why I oughta toss this knave into a jail cell where he truly belongs.

Rikuson: *opens his mouth*

Jinshi: Imma get the dirt on you, fool, just you wait and see.