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the JL probably stopped thinking that Batman was the greatest detective in the world like, the minute that any of the batkids started getting involved in team missions. they get to watch the Robins run circles around Bruce consistently and without hesitation and i bet they wonder how the fuck they ever thought he was untouchable.

*during a world threatening, all hands on deck emergency*

Batman: everybody understand the plan?

Flash: we’re good to go, on your word.

Batman: then lets get on with it.

Robin, picking up his katana: agreed, let us engage the enemy. and also real quick before we do, i have to tell you that i got suspended from school for two weeks for slamming another student’s head into a table. alright, lets go.

Batman, visibly doing a doubletake: -woah wait hold on, Damian-

Red Robin, scornfull: seriously B? you’re gonna get distracted and let THOUSANDS of people die, because of that little tidbit? what, and now i guess you’re gonna freak out because i got a DUI a few days ago?

Batman: YOU GOT A DUI-?

Robin: father, honestly, priorities.

Batman: i- uh-

The rest of the league, exchanging blank looks:

*massive explosion*

Batman: um- OK WE HAVE TO GO BUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER-

*after the fight, ten hours later, everybody is exhausted and covered in blood and dust*

Batman, wrapping gauze around Robin’s wrist: i… feel like there was something i was going to say earlier. regarding you.

The league, watching the Robins stay completely silent:

Red Hood, without blinking: yeah old man, you promised us all that you’d buy pizza on the way back to Gotham.

Batman: …i don’t remember saying th-

Nightwing: fucking course you don’t. first you forget to tell me my little brother dies until after his funeral, now you forget to feed me. are you gonna forget to invite me over for game night, too?

Batman:

Robin: *silently making an ‘a-ok’ gesture behind Bruce’s back*

Batman: …right. yeah. that must have been it. we’ll get pizza ordered to the manor.

Superman, leaning over to Green Arrow: do you think he’ll be ok alone with them? they’re kinda mean

Green Arrow: no i knew that man in college. he brought this on himself.

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did y’all know that in victorian times it was really common after somebody died, that their family members would clean up the corpse, prop them up, and take post mortem photos with them?

Jason kills the Joker and instead of being normal about it he decides to antagonise Bruce by taking professional photos with the guys corpse in different outfits and poses while in full Red Hood gear and leaving them in the batcave for Bruce to find. he thinks it’s hysterical. Bruce thinks it’s psychologically damaging and he has no fucking clue how to get Red Hood to leave him alone OR how he can even get into the fucking batcave. eventually Tim finds Jason without a mask leaving another photo and figures everything out.

Tim: so you’ve just been doing this for months? isn’t the corpse like… decayed?

Jason: no i took like a hundred in advance before i cremated the fucker. so i can do this for like another year.

Tim, remembering the shit he had to go through on his 16th birthday so really Bruce has what’s coming to him:

Tim: that’s actually kinda funny.

Jason, delighted: right?!? i still have the suit i was buried in, too, so i’m thinking of making myself look corpse-like for a couple selfies and taking it one step further.

Tim: ok well that’s diabolically cruel.

Tim:

Tim: you know i’m somewhat of a photographer myself…

Jason: this is the start of a beautiful secret friendship, Replacement.

[bansheebender]

it’s so funny to me that in a lot of fics after Tim’s parents die and he’s adopted and moved into Wayne manor, he still just… owns the mansion next door. like Drake manor is just right there, fully furnished and empty, fully inherited by Tim. and he just kinda leaves it there. probably forgets he owns it. how much do you wanna bet the others absolutely do NOT forget that next door is also owned by the family?

how much do you wanna bet that at least twice a month Bruce freaks the fuck out because Damian’s been missing for two days and eventually they track him down to find that he’d just walked over to Drake manor to avoid being told to help Alfred dust and then… couldn’t be bothered to walk back. figured that technically Drake manor could also be ‘home’ and made himself comfortable. is napping in Tim’s childhood bedroom when they find him and is completely unapologetic about eating the food in his kitchen.

how much do you wanna bet that Tim gets a call from the weekly cleaner that he totally forgot was being paid from his bank account to maintain Drake manor, only to be told by a slightly terrified cleaner that she tried to go in to mop the kitchen and found a fucking crime lord in nothing but sweatpants and his helmet, ranting to an ‘oracle’ about some kind of ‘drug drop off’ that he ‘needed off Batman’s radar’, because Jason was too tired to motorcycle all the way back to Crime Alley after a debrief but didn’t want to have to be around Bruce so he just kinda broke into Tim’s old house and has been casually chilling there for the past week while he worked on a case.

how much do you wanna bet that one time Bruce grounded Tim for two weeks and Tim was so annoyed about it that to be petty he snuck out and went back to Drake manor. Bruce was so fucking mad because Tim directly ignored his orders and he couldn’t even do anything about it because every time he brought it up he got loud claims of ‘yOU TOLD ME TO GO TO MY ROOM SO I WENT TO MY FUCKING ROOM, B, I DON’T WANNA HEAR SHIT FROM YOU-!’

how much do you wanna bet when eventually Tim can’t be bothered to deal with the insurance forms and he sells Drake manor, he mentions having to hand over his keys and instantly every single batkid starts digging around in their pockets and producing two or three keys to Drake manor because over the years they’ve all just kinda. been using it. whenever. Tim had no fucking clue they’d made keys. he’s so confused. it gets so much funnier when the next day Tim shows up to the estate agents to drop off his plastic tub of keys for the new owner and he fucking finds Jason Todd there ready to receive them.

“I make a lot of money in my line of work,” he says. “figured it was time for a summer house.”

“you hate being close to Bruce.”

“not as much as Bruce hates shoddy neighbours. i’m going to make his life hell.”

“you made me carry this box of keys for nothing.”

“yeah you can hand those back out actually, i really don’t care who goes in there.”

“I hate you.”

“Don’t be rude to your new neighbour.”

[bansheebender]

Can you picture this? 😂

Dick, sick and dealing with a terrible tummy ache that keeps him from eating almost anything. And there’s Jason—sitting in front of his bed, eating the sickest, most enormous, topping-loaded, double-sized, greasiest chili dog he could find. Right in front of him.

Dick is hating him. So much.

Dick, whispering in absolute pain and hugging his stomach: "Honestly... f*ck you. Very much..."

Jason, aggressively eating with a satisfied expression: "Mmmm~"

Dick: "I hate you."

Bruce, pinching the bridge of his nose: "Jay... stop torturing your brother."

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Post just to remind all of you that Batman's true identity is Bruce Wayne being a good father. Batdad Bruce is his true identity. DC just has alzheimer :v

[bansheebender]

hes so begrudging big brother coded i love their dynamic

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What I call irony is that Maomao at first thought that being lowkey and appearing inattentive would grant her a peaceful life. Little did she know that this was the reason why she was noticed by Jinshi.

He was used to being the center of attention, and wherever he went, people would turn their heads toward him. However, there was only one person who was completely lost in her monologue, unaware of his presence, and it was that freckled girl.

He couldn't resist not knowing what this was all about afterward. It turned out that she literally doesn't buy his "sparkly" persona, nor she tolerate engaging with his "sweet-as-honey" fake behavior that most people swoon over. On the contrary, she responds slightly better to him when he literally drops the act and behaves like his real childish self.

I don't think it's only a matter of him liking that she's not impressed by him, I think he feels safe enough that she doesn't have any ulterior motives toward him which as we have seen, many have tried to whether by lacing food with aphrodisiacs or inserting love charms in his closet.

She's not after his beauty, status, or money. If she ever returned his affection, it would be for his true essence. He doesn't have to "sell out" his charm to get what he wants, nor does he need to act older than his actual age with her. Isn't that.... freedom? No wonder he's in love with her. He just needs to work extra hard to get her affection.

[bansheebender]

Hot take: DC should just give Tim and Bernard the chaotic couple energy that they have. Bernard was in a cult, had a dysfunctional family, is a conspiracy theorist, and might even enjoy pain. Tim was a kid with semi neglectful but decent (rip) parents, became a Robin cause he saw his hero was Nightwing and even though he's technically the most well off Robin is as crazy as the rest of them.

Heck DC, if there's a fan writer or artist like me, take the risk, write for this. It's not difficult. I like writing Bernard's parents as on par with married with children or Simpsons, Bernard is numb to the arguing but doesn't hold his tongue and can fight back.

He doesn't become a super hero because after being in a cult, he likes the simple life of a chef. He remembers having solace in the kitchen of the cult and while in college working in the school cafeteria and that's why he loves cooking.

He knows Tim is Robin and finally this is revealed when Bernard is saved by the cult which is like the mob, once you join, you can't really escape those loons. Bernard was brainwashed along with other members but Tim was able to break it. That's what I got so far. I don't think I'll ever work on TV or anything, but I like posting my work on AO3 or making TikTok skits.

How would you guys rewrite the pairing? What stories would you tell? Heck for people who don't love the ship, what would you do to fix it? I'd love to hear it. No a-hole responses need apply 😂

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Tim, high off painkillers after getting his tonsils removed, crying: I miss my boyfriend...

Bernard, who's been sitting by him for like an hour: I'm right here, babe.

Tim, glancing at him before burying his face in his hands:

Tim, sobbing: NOOOOO!! You're too cute you can't be my boyfriend. I can't date people that cute....

Bernard: ...

Bernard: I'm telling Stephine you said that.

[bansheebender]

you could argue that the joker is in love with batman or whatever but know in your heart that harvey dent wants to dick bruce wayne down

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fellas is it gay to memorise your best friends heartbeat so that you always know how he's feeling and where to find him?

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Bruce suddenly starts picking fights with Clark over the pettiest things after they had been having a perfectly pleasent training day with the JL and no one knows why, then when the JL is like REALLY concerned in the sudden shift in behavior, worried that it might be mindcontrol or something

So they use Diana's lasso on him and then Edrich!Bruce has to admit that theres like this big sports match between metropolis and gotham going on right now, and apparently Gotham is losing, and the sheer malice that is coming from gotham's citizens (along with the bar fights and riots) is affecting him because of his connection to Gotham, and that's affecting his attitude about metropolis, and, thus, clark

(Bonus if the Redhood is seen drinking beer and watching the game in a bar, when he doesn't have the faintest clue whats happening in the sporty thing, but gotham's got its claws so deep in him he feels outraged by the loss and compelled to watch the game even though he knows NOTHING about whats going on)

This reminds me of the asks a while back where Eldritch Bruce and Dick start beefing out of nowhere because their respective cities are pissed off at each other. Absolutely hilarious. Usually being cosmically linked to a city is helpful, but every now and then the secondary effects are brutal.

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All of you get a WIP of this jinMao i did cause GUESS WHO FINALLY GOT VOLUME 14!!!! I am happy happy camper!!

[bansheebender]

Hot Take: Bruce doesn't support freakyTimBer not because he doesn't like Bernard. It's because Bruce has to pretend to be the freak in all of his civilian relationships to explain away his scars, so he keeps accidentally making his partners think he's into that and then he's too awkward to correct them, and he's worried that Tim's doing the same thing.

This is genius, I love it!!! My original thought process was Bruce just couldn't fathom his babies ever having sex like?? No?? His kids!? Never U_U

But I absolutely adore this so much. You have no idea.

Pre identity reveal shenanigans (aka, before Bernard tells Tim he knows and also Tim is a goof)

—

Bruce, looking at the bruises and obvious bite makes and cuts along Tim's visible neck and arms: . . . So, where'd the, um, new... bruises come from..?

Tim, not even looking up from his laptop: Bernard. Bruce, I told you this already. Don't question any injury I don't put in my reports.

Bruce:

Bruce: You know, if you ever feel... Pressured into things—

Tim, slowly looking up:

Bruce: I understand keeping our identities secret is important more than any one, you know this, but you shouldn't make sacrifices to this degree to keep it in tact—

Tim, moving a hand over his mouth to stop from either laughing or crying, he isn't sure:

Bruce: It's important to... Enjoy yourself with your relationship safely, and consensually. If you feel like you have to do or comply with certain things for Bernard to keep your identity safe... Why are you laughing?

Tim, trying not to laugh: Bruce, I promise, anything Bernard does to me I give full permission to. Enthusiastically, in fact.

Bruce: . . . What?

Jason, from another room, who read 50 Shades Of Gray once when he was fourteen: YOUR SON IS A FREAK WHO BEGS ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES FOR HIS BOYFRIEND TO CHOKE HIM OUT, YOU IDIOT!

Tim: HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT!?

Jason, popping his head in: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU ACTUALLY DO THAT!? I DIDN'T KNOW S#&$ BUT NOW I DO WHAT THE F$&%, TIMOTHY!?

Tim: STAY OUT OF MY SEX LIFE!

Jason: I WISH I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A SEX LIFE!

Tim: I HOPE THE JOKER BLOWS YOU UP AGAIN!

Jason: I HOPE I'M CREMATED THIS TIME!

Bruce:

Bruce: what

—

[bansheebender]

More chaotic freaky timbern!!! Spread the propaganda!!!!

(If you would please do that🥹🎀)

Always >:3

SUGGESTIVE CONTENT!!! Minors DNI even though I know for a fact you won't listen because I sure didn't at your age.

—

Tim: Humans sleep the majority of their lives, Bern.

Bernard: Uh huh...

Tim: I can't die knowing that, Bear.

Bernard: You're gonna die of sleep deprivation, Timboo.

Tim: No, no, see... Because... Zesti!

Bernard: Love dove, I hate to break it to you, but you have been up for three days straight working on this case.

Bernard, grabbing his face and putting their foreheads together: You're gonna go to sleep tonight, even if I have to tie you down and f#&$ you until you pass out.

Tim:

Tim, gasping: . . . It was the uncle!

Bernard: You're hopeless—

—

Tim, sitting on Bernard's lap in his bedroom in the manor: Oh, yeah? Whatchu gonna do 'bout it, Bernie?

Bernard, grabbing his hips, looking at his lips: Hmm, I dunno, I think a punishment might be in order, Timmy...

Damian, throwing Tim's door open: DOWD! DRAKE! I NEED ASSISTANCE WI— . . .

Tim:

Bernard:

Damian: . . . RICHAAAAAARD!

Tim: NO! DAMIAN THOMAS AL GHUL WAYNE!

Damian, running off: FATHER!!!

Tim, scrambling after him: WHATEVER HE SAYS HE'S LYING!!!

—

Harley, eyes narrowing, staring at the visible bruises on Tim's neck:

Tim: ??? Can I help you?

Harley: Congratulations.

Tim: . . . For?

Harley: Nothin'.

Tim: ???

Harley: Use protection.

Tim: ??? For the mission?

Harley: If that's whatchu wanna call it.

Tim: ???

—

Kon: I mean, I could probably move the moon?

Cassie: I think that would actually kill people.

Bart: I can time travel. That's like, the same thing, right?

Cassie:

Kon:

Kon: Rob, you wanna get a piece of this conversation at any point in time?

Tim, texting: Uh huh...

Kon: Who's that?

Tim: . . . Unimportant.

Bart: Suspicious.

Tim: No, it's not.

Kon: Definitely suspicious. Is it a girl?

Tim: Y'know, I'd say it's your Mom, but you don't have one.

Cassie, snorting:

Kon: Neither do you!

Tim: Lies, Batman birthed all his Robin's.

Bart: For real?

Tim, looking to his phone again after it chimes: Definitely. . .

Cassie:

Kon:

Bart:

Cassie: Get the phone, Bart.

Bart: On it! :D

Tim: Wha— no!

Bart, snatching the phone and running away:

Cassie: Check who he's texting!

Tim, trying to chase after him only for Kon to grab him: THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!

Kon: I've had my brain permanently altered, like, ten times in this team. That's an invasion of privacy.

Cassie: Don't you have, like, files on us? And Batman has plans to detain us if we ever get out of line or whatever?

Tim: That's different!

Bart: . . . Who's "Daddy"?

Tim:

Kon:

Cassie:

Bart:

Tim: I feel this is a great time for you to time travel and erase the past five minutes.

—

Tim, over comms: Hey, Honey Bear, wanna meet up and make Batman angry?

Bernard: Sure. What's up?

Tim: He has informed me that he has made a plan in the case you ever go rogue.

Bernard: Huh, cool, glad to be a threat.

Tim: Yeah, yeah, anyways I stole the Batmobile.

Bernard: . . . That's hot. Permission to defile you in the batmobile?

Tim: Permission granted.

—

Damian: I wish to go!

Tim, getting his shoes on: No, you can't go to the places we plan to go tonight.

Damian: You are both under the age of twenty one, meaning neither of you can go clubbing or bar hopping. So, why I am not allowed?

Tim: . . . It's an adult place.

Damian: I want to go.

Tim: No! Ugh, BRUCE!

Bruce: Yes, son?

Tim: Tell Damian he can't go on my date with me!

Bruce: Damian, let your brother have some privacy.

Damian: He is being suspicious!

Jason: Where are you going?

Tim: None of any of your business. Damian, you're staying.

Damian: Tt, I hope grandfather puts your spleen in a blender!

Tim: What kind of threat is that!?

Damian: I do not make threats, I make a assurances!

—

Stephanie, applying make-up to Tim's various bruises and bite marks: Does Bernard not know how to keep it below the collar? Gods, Tim.

Tim: It's a good way to keep people from flirting with me at W.E.

Stephanie: Just get a promise ring or something, dude.

Tim: Also, I like them.

Stephanie: Ugh, where was this attitude when we dated?

Tim: You didn't bite sexy, you bit like an possum with rabies!

Stephanie: Cass doesn't complain.

Tim: Cass has a pain tolerance we can only dream of.

Stephanie: Actually? Fair.

—

Kon: So, you bottom..?

Tim, sitting beside him, playing video games: Yup.

Kon: Huh . . . Weird, I thought with all the, y'know, control freak you got going on, that's the last thing you'd let happen.

Tim: I mean, I tried a few times... But, I guess I was "to much of a control freak" and so he kinda just took charge because it wasn't enjoyable for either of us when I scripted everything out perfectly, and so we just definitely prefer it this way.

Kon: Well, I'm happy for you, Rob.

Tim: Thanks.

Tim: We f#-%$#% in the Batmobile last week.

Kon, choking on his soda:

—

[bansheebender]

I beg you for more Tim and Bernard being chaotic freaks

*Falls down twenty flights of stairs before pushing myself up* This could mean several things, and I will do each one! >:D

Suggestive content below, minors DNI or whatever.

—

Tim, sick, lying in bed: I'm gonna die.

Bernard, sitting next to him, checking his temperature: No, you're not.

Tim: Bet.

Bernard: Please, don't prove me wrong on this one.

Tim: Uuuuuugh...

Bernard: At least you look sexy when you're sick.

Tim: Do I not always look sexy?

Bernard: Oh, you definitely do, always, look sexy. But, I mean like this, your cheeks and thighs all flushed, and all sweaty and helpless and weak in bed...

Tim: Don't get any ideas.

Bernard: To late, I already have several.

Tim: . . . Are you supposed to have sex, when sick?

Bernard: Is that gonna stop us.

Tim: Hmm.. Nope.

—

(inspired by a short story @donkoogrr made for me :3 )

Jason, picking his phone up at two in the morning: Who the fuck is this?

Bernard: Uh, me, so, like, y'know how I asked to borrow a gun for things you did not wanna know about?

Jason: . . . What did you do?

Tim, laughing hysterically in the background:

Bernard: I shot Tim.

Jason: you diD WHAT!?

Bernard: I DIDN'T KNOW THE SAFETY WAS OFF!

Jason: YOU SHOT MY LITTLE BROTHER!? ACCIDENTALLY!?

Tim: IT WAS HOT!

Bernard: He's a bit hysterical?

Jason: Oh my GOD, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!?

Bernard: I SHOULDN'T LEGALLY HAVE A GUN AND ALSO THIS WOULD BE SO HARD TO EXPLAIN TO A 911 OPERATOR!

Tim, laughing harder in the background:

Bernard: I have a compression bandage on him..?

Jason: . . . I am on my way, but I swear if he dies from this I'm gonna throw him in a Lazarus pit only to give him an honorable death.

Jason: Oh, also, I'm telling Dick face about this.

Bernard: . . . F#&$.

Tim: Think we can finish up before he gets here and I bleed out?

Bernard, throwing a pillow at him: TIM!

Tim: I've been shot way worse!

—

Ransom girl, flirting with Tim at a gala despite being told several times he has a boyfriend:

Bernard, walking right up to Tim: It's done.

Tim, playing along: It's done?

Bernard: Yup. She's dead.

Tim: Good, good.

Random girl, watching with great confusion and slight fear as Bernard and Tim share a sweet kiss and walk away together:

*The rumors that the Wayne's are some sort of crime family don't get better after this...*

—

Bruce, after calling for an emergency meeting after a massive rogue breakout: I know this is last minute, but— where's Red Robin?

Tim, riding in on his bike:

Jason: Where the f#&$ were you?

Tim, looking around: Are there children present?

Dick: ??? No, Dami is still changing—

Tim: Good, I want you all to know I'm only half coherent, my brain is still fuzzy, and I'm still recovering from being choked out, carved up, humiliated, and defiled in the best ways possible, and I swear one of you better die to make up for what I'm missing out on tonight.

Dick:

Jason:

Bruce:

Tim: None of you wanna see what I look like under this costume right now.

Damian, walking in: Have I missed something? Oh, Timothy, you are here, finally. What took so long?

Tim: Sorry, was hanging out with Bear, y'know how clingy he is.

Damian: Tt, don't forget about your promise to take me to the zoo this weekend.

Tim: Wouldn't dare.

Dick: My baby brother...

—

Stephanie: . . . So, you and Tim are into some freaky stuff?

Bernard: We did not use olive oil, wooden spoon, or the kitchen for their intended purposes last night.

Stephanie: To scared to ask, but also me and Cass have been thinking of experimenting. Any tips?

Bernard: Several.

—

Bernard: You're mad at Bruce again?

Tim: Yeah, but it isn't that big a d—

Bernard, pulling his phone out: Say less.

Bernard, posting anonymously that he'd be getting Red Robin pregnant, one way or another:

Tim: Now what's that gonna do?

Bernard: Give Bruce a heart attack.

Tim: . . . What?

*Cue that night, Bruce begging Babs to tell him what rogue and or magic user is threatening to get his son pregnant and w h y ? ! *

Babs: Harley Quinn says she'd help plan the baby shower, Poison Ivy asked if they're doing a a gender reveal because she has ideas that were safe for the environment, Cat woman commented that she wanted to be the godmother and is currently fighting Spoiler through text for rights..? Nightwing has stated he's castrating anon, and Red Hood told them to watch out for Batman, he's always looking for new Robin's.

Bruce: I am so confused...

—

Tim, gesturing wildly to an entire wall full of case files and "evidence" while being sleep deprived: I'm connecting the pieces.

Bernard: Love dove, the pieces are not connecting.

Tim: They're connecting...

Bernard: What are you trying to solve exactly?

Tim, blinking slowly: I forgot after my eighteenth cup of coffee, but I'm close!

Bernard: Uh huh... Ready for bed?

Tim, whispering as he sticks a sticky note with a poor drawing of a chicken to the wall: Death before dishonor...

—

Tim: . . . Hey, bear?

Bernard, half awake: Mm?

Tim: I want grilled steak.

Bernard: . . . It's three in the morning, Timboo.

Tim: I know...

Bernard:

Tim:

Bernard, groaning as he gets up:

Tim: I love you.

Bernard: I love you more and this is proof.

—

Bernard: Uh... Tim?

Tim, setting down the twelfth cake: You said to pick up a cake.

Bernard: Yes. A cake. You bought twenty cakes!

Tim: I didn't know what flavor you wanted tonight!

Bernard: So you buy all of them?!

Tim: Except carrot cake! Because you don't like carrot cake.

Bernard: We have... So much cake.

Tim: I also bought brownies—

Bernard: Timothy!?

Tim: They're red velvet..?

—

Bernard: I am staring respectfully.

Tim, changing into his Red Robin uniform: You are not.

Bernard, looking him up and down slowly: So respectfully.

—

High school Bernard: I wear sunglasses so nobody knows where I'm looking.

Darla: . . . Bernard—

Tim, not paying attention as Bernard stares at his biceps:

Bernard: Shh...

Darla: This is not heterosexual behavior.

Bernard: No clue what you're talking about. Hey, Tim?

Tim: Yes, Stephanie is a real person.

Bernard: No, no, not about that.

Tim: No, I don't wanna hear the entire lore of Undertale again. And no, I don't care about your d#&$ size, no, you can't know mine either.

Bernard: . . . I'm gonna kick your a#$.

Tim: I welcome you to try, b#&$%.

Bernard, leaning in: I would have you pinned in seconds.

Tim, dropping his phone onto his desk now: Only if I let you.

Bernard: Would you?

Tim: Would I?

Darla: JUST F#&$ ALREADY!

—