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Bernard Dowd stress cooking headcanon I love you so much! Tim will be out fighting a villain as Red Robin and its all over the news so Bernard ends up cooking will watching anxiously. When Tim gets home Bernard has made a full three course meal with dessert for them to eat

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Lex Luthor hates Superman, Lex Luthor hates the Justice League, bla bla bla… You know who Lex must really hate? Bruce Wayne.

Because he knows that bitch is Batman. He’d worked it through that big brain of his and he’s without a doubt certain that the same idiot who spilled champagne on him last New Year’s Eve moonlights as the Batman.

But he can’t fucking prove it. So he’s resigned to a lifetime of having to make stilted conversation filled with double meaning while Brucie just flutters his eyelashes and pretends to be a ditz. And Lex just has to sit there and take it, because Bruce knows that Lex knows and absolutely uses that knowledge to fuck with Alex at every opportunity—he says the absolute shittest, godawful pickup lines and flirts to his heart’s content, knowing full well that he helped Superman kick Lex’s ass last week and that Lex knows it was him.

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Gothamite to their child: it was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a—

The vroom vroom of the Batmobile on the street:

Gothamite: other then those motherfuckers

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Love TimBernKon bc usually ships have opposing dynamics but with those guys it’s just

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in an au where jason is going to college while doing red hood stuff, i just think it would be funny if a reconciliation between him and bruce gets kickstarted all because talia got invited to go to his college graduation and bruce didn’t even know that jason was in college or that he was graduating college until talia called him up just to brag about it.

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(Robin #122)

"And then Bernard Swore he'd sneak into my room some night, bind and gag me and sell me to the boilivan organ pirates."

I don't accept a heterosexual explanation, and also Bernard tops 98.9% of the time. Goodnight!

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You ever think about how:

Darla back from the dead with superpowers destroys Bernard's car, and instead of running away from her, he goes along with her to a restaurant and asks if she wants him to be her superhero manager.

Bernard joins a pain cult, nearly gets sacrificed and then helps Robin beat the Chaos Monsters who kidnapped him up.

Bernard's parents are attacked by Firefly and Phobia and instead of, again, just running off or waiting for Tim to handle it, he goes back into a burning building and crawls through fire to try and save them.

When Tim is taken by the Chaos Monsters, Bernard gathers members of the Bat family to help save him, including Batman. He uses a flashlight and his hands to make a batsignal and then when Batman shows up, he just starts yapping casually. Also he breaks a wall down with a sledgehammer.

Finally, in the Valentines special, Tim mentions Bernard fighting Teen Bats during one of their dates. Anyway, Bernard is perfect for Tim and the Batfam because he's a little freak who is just like "lol okay this is happening now" when crazy shit goes down.

He saw how brave Tim was during the Louis Grieve shooting and I truly believe it inspired him.

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Do you think Damian knows just how wanted he was?

Does he know how excited Bruce and Talia were to be parents? To have a baby? They were married and in love and they were going to be a family. They were happy.

Does he know how heartbroken Bruce was when he thought Talia lost the baby? Their baby. Their little prince.

When someone tells him that his dad chose to have his brothers but got stuck with him, I want him to be able to say "No. My Baba wanted me so much from the day he found out Mama was pregnant."

I hope he does. I hope Bruce tells him. I hope Talia reminds him.

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Tim is likely Bernard’s emergency contact and to me that is both sweet and tragic.

Like it’s not the woman who gave birth to him, not the man who raised him, it’s his bf who he’s only been with for maybe a year and who’s in space and/or dressed as a bird half the time. Thats who the hospital calls if he’s admitted to the ER.

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Hey, Tim Drake, can you like show off your boyfriend more? I need to see your boyfriend more.

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Dick: Hey, Timmy.

Jason: Sup, Timmy.

Bernard: Oh so they can call you Timmy but I can't?

Tim: Bold of you to assume I have any control over what they do.

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When the League meets Baby Robin(Dick), they are genuinely surprised, as it seems impossible that Batman is raising this little ray of sunshine who appeared from between his cape and then proceeded to greet them with the brightest smile they've all ever seen, completely adoring Superman, saying how great Wonder Woman is, and actually laughing at Barry's jokes.

Bruce takes care of his work, but occasionally stops to, in fact, help Robin who is trying to do his English homework. The other members also help out, of course.

So, Hal arrives at the Watchtower, and Robin, seeing the man his dad mentor has been so grumpy about because of the last meeting they had (Hal doesn't understand that Batman is the best at his job and is the one giving directions for a reason, duh!), decides he will exact revenge.

He carries on a normal conversation with the man just as he did with everyone else, subtly leading the topic until Hal falls into the trap:

Hal: What about your mom? I can't imagine anyone putting up with the old bat.

He speaks with all mockery, but then his smile freezes when he sees the tremor in the little boy's shoulders.

Dick: *shuddering and holding back a little sob* my mummy died in front of me a few months ago.... I...

Hal is pale now, because the child actually sobs, and runs off to hide in the cape of Batman, who was now standing, ready to stitch up his child.

He's not the only one, Superman and the others are already there too, looking at him angrily because he made the little bean cry.

Hal is in a panic.

And if he sees how the boy smiles at him when no one is looking, sticking his tongue out at him while moving his lips to send him the message "Don't bother my dad", no one would ever believe him, not while the little boy is now clinging to Batman tightly as he slowly blinks away tears that not even the best actors could ever pull off.

Only Hal knows the devil behind that angel face.

Batman knows it too, but he adores his precious little demon.

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Bruce: Why pouting?

Clark: You had a kid and you didn't tell me.

Bruce: I had plenty of kids. You need to be more specific.

Clark: You had a kid of your own, and you didn't tell me.

Bruce: Are you making differences between bio kids and adopted kids? 'Cause I have some big news for you, alien boy.

Clark: You had a son with Talia al Ghul.

Bruce: Listen, it was an accident-

Clark: Are you telling me you just happened to get Talia al Ghul pregnant?

Bruce: You knocked up Lois!

Clark: We were engaged? She's not my arch-enemy?? I didn't keep it from you???

Bruce: Hey, cut me some slacks! I was a bit shocked! I mean, how would you react if you found out to have a secret child with Lex Luthor?!

Clark: *nervous laugh*

Bruce: ???

Clark: What an odd choice of words...

(BRB gonna use this dialogue in my Superbat WIP)

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Jason: *walks into living room and pauses, looking at tim* uh Tim: *frowns as he looks up from a book* what? Jason: um. Tim: dude. Spit it out. Jason: *still staring* you like that book? Tim: yeah I’m really loving it! It’s a new bestseller, Steph recommended it. It’s a fun fantasy. ‘S got dragons and the romance is nice and Jane Austen-esque. You should read it, it’s right up your alley. Jason: uh. Okay. I’ll, uh, look into it. And, uh, what about the author? Know anything about them? Tim: *frowns* aside from the fact that there’s like, no information about them, no Jason: *chuckles nervously* ah, yeah. Haha.

Jason, later to his editor: hey can we change my pseudonym? I wanna use “Todd Peter” and see how long it takes for my brother to yell at me editor: Jason that’s not how pseudonyms work

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Bruce, high on pain meds: i need to- you all have to listen. you deserve to know. You’re all old enough now.

Dick: this is gonna be good

Tim, grinning: what do we need to know?

Bruce: one of you is adopted,

The kids:

Bruce, tearing up: and im SO sorry, but i just- i can’t remember who-!

Jason, gleefully: I’LL REMIND YOU- *mouth covered by Dick*

Bruce: *sobs and then passes out*

The kids:

Jason, shoving Dick off him: GET- off me! wake him up we have to tell him it’s Damian

Damian: ME!?

Jason, looking for somebody else to fuck with now Bruce is down: you look the least like him- I mean come on, those twig arms,

Jason, pointing at a passed out Bruce: you are NOT the father.

Steph: *chokes on a wheeze*

Damian, incredulous: are you- DUKES BLACK

Duke: what and you’re white? don’t fucking start this shit kid

Damian, drawing his katana: i will not have my inheritence questioned like this-

Duke, warningly: *starts glowing*

Jason: *starts filming*

Dick: oh god… Bruce is gonna wake up to Damian in the hospital. what are we gonna tell him?

Tim, eating popcorn: i dunno about you but i’m gonna tell him he got high and started a race war to see how much he panics.

in the background, Duke: *shoots Damian into the side of the wall*

Damian: *leaps back with a war cry*

Jason, looking at his phone: oh you think telling him is gonna make him panic? i’m saying it on twitter and letting him find out through WE getting boycotted

Dick:

Dick: arguably worse than trying to make him kill the joker but ok

Tim: now hold up man i work there too-

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Damian: Do you have any special skills?

Jon: Yes, distraction.

Damian: So you’re good at distracting people?

Jon: No, I’m good at being distracted.

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I think about a very important part of Bruce’s dynamic with all his gaggle of adopted children is he doesn't care if they see him as their father. They're his children.

Barbara and Steph don't see him as their father. But those are Bruce’s daughters, and he'll take care of them.

Tim and Dick didn't see him as a dad for a good while after their parents' deaths because they were grieving and didn't want to replace them. Bruce saw them as his sons even when they couldn't see him as their dad, and he saw them as his sons when they could.

Duke still has a father and mother, even if they're lost at the moment. Bruce is NOT his father. He has a father, and he's going to get better if Duke has anything to say about it, goddammit. That's Bruce’s baby and he'll protect him no matter what.

Jason can scream from the rooftops that Bruce isn't his father, and Bruce might even agree with him verbally in a fit of anger. But that's his son, that's his baby. And he'll protect him.

I truly believe that Bruce's love is unconditional. He doesn't expect his children to see him as a father, and he doesn't want them to feel like they have to leave behind their real parents. But those are his children, even if he's not their father.