banshake - Tumblr blog

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[FF16] flowers

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Final Fantasy XVI (2023)

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Linkin park really came back and dropped two bangers in the span of a month that immediately shot to the top of charts. Iconic

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Getting back to creating very soon.

My brother is helping me build a new PC, as well as helping fix the issues with my current one, to allow me to restart my ambitions to create digital art and music again. I'm taking my current PC to his place over the weekend as my next big step towards reaching those goals.

I am getting quite excited. I've had so many ideas flowing in my brain stream for some time now.

Maybe it all fails in the end. But I'm looking forward to trying again :)

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New Job/Career Expansion

I'm excited to be excited again :)

A couple months ago, I started a new chapter in my work life. After 4-5 years of working at soccer shops, primarily serving youth soccer clubs, I left my position(s) as both the Warehouse and Shipping Manager (long story) at the shop to work in a professional soccer stadium environment as a Heat Presser (customizing jerseys) and Warehouse Attendant.

I did this with the goal of setting myself up for career advancement and opportunities for growth, both within the company and as a way to further build up my resume. It was a risk. The job is not quite full-time, and the pay is slightly less than what I was making before. Although not a guarantee, my expectation was that I would prove my worth beyond the role I was hired for and find stability with this company.

Today, my decision to take that risk was validated. My boss pulled me aside today to express his interest in taking steps towards integrating me into their long-term plans and expanding my role within his department. This includes purchasing a new computer for me, convincing the owners of the stadium to pay for rewiring of the warehouse to accommodate a new desk space for me, setting me up with a company email address, including me in future leadership meetings, and allowing my input to influence the direction of the department. All of this, for me, happened after only being here for 2 months. It appears the risk was worth it.

Of course, I said yes to his proposal. I didn't ask about any compensation adjustments - I still feel that I need to prove myself in all of these new responsibilities before touching that subject - but it is very clear to me that I am valued and appreciated here, and that is absolutely massive for me. Perhaps I'll dive into this more in a future post, but I experienced the complete opposite of this at my last job, and although I knew I deserved better, I couldn't help but question myself a bit... that maybe my old dick boss was right, and I didn't deserve to be respected or valued. Maybe I was actually worthless. But no. That guy is just a dick. And he was wrong all along. Fuck him. :)

It feels great to be free of Mr. Dick's chains that held me back for a few years. I still have so much more growth to achieve before I can really consider myself as a "success" in life, but for the first time in a long time I see genuine opportunity. Opportunity that actually feels within reach. And that is pretty remarkable to me considering that just a few months ago, I felt destined to be mediocre forever. But now I can feel myself coming back to life, day by day, piece by piece. Motivation to pursue my wants in life has returned. It's amazing.

My goal now is to establish myself. I don't desire recognition or anything like that - in fact, I want to be as behind the scenes as I can be. But if I establish myself here and financially can become comfortable, then I can finally begin to focus on my real desires in life again. I want to get back to enjoying myself - writing music again, creating art pieces again, spending time with friends again, dating again, reading again, and exploring newer hobbies like cooking, going on walks in more nature environments, and lighting fires in my new fireplace.

I haven't felt the freedom to enjoy life in so many fucking years. I'm ready to feel that again, and I'm going to do everything I can to get there.

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The Paducah Sun-Democrat, Kentucky, August 21, 1939

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Smaugust 2024 by Katy Lipscomb

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It's my 14 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

And with this I announce my return to tumblr!

Do I even still have followers? Probably not. If I somehow do, hey everyone :) I believe I have a lot of catching up to do. Hope you are all well, and sorry I've been gone for so long.

I will most likely be reintegrating myself here rather slowly. Being back on here has been a plan of mine for awhile now, yet I still feel...quite raw. It will take some time for me to get used to this again. But I am very much looking forward to it!

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I stand corrected. My new boss texted me today requesting that I start working earlier than was planned to be trained by someone who is leaving the company. I had to cancel my previous itinerary, and sadly my friend can no longer join me for this updated trip due to work obligations.

This also means that my hopes to see some friends before I left are no longer possible, which saddens me. I already felt bad leaving them, and now I don’t even get an opportunity to say bye in person. Ugh. I just hope they all understand.

On the plus side, I get to begin my journey soon. Like, day after tomorrow soon. Tomorrow will be hectic packing all day, but I’m ready for it.

Onward.

In exactly 2 weeks from now, I’ll be in a hotel room with a friend, halfway to the city I will once again call home.

I’m really going to miss some of the people I’m leaving behind here. But honestly, I can’t wait for my next chapter :)

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In exactly 2 weeks from now, I’ll be in a hotel room with a friend, halfway to the city I will once again call home.

I’m really going to miss some of the people I’m leaving behind here. But honestly, I can’t wait for my next chapter :)

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“Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.”

— Unknown

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“You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

— The Notebook

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Iceland (by Atli)

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Art by Sam Yang

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Art by Philip Sue