bamtorri

[bamtorri]

Unraveling You

── ⟡ ˙🪡 ̟ .

・ Synopsis. San has always been your crush. Since the day you two were placed into the same home room, in the second grade. You've hid behind a mask of friendship, but it's gotten harder to ignore your feelings when you both are in college now. San has toyed with your delicate heart as semesters fly by, he’s made it impossible to tell if he liked you back or just sees you as a good friend. All this just for him to not even ask you out, or let alone kiss you. The string that kept you two connected, unforeseeably broke when the both of you experience a gradual separation. Two years later, your heart does that weird, fast-paced beating thing you know all too well when your eyes land on a certain somebody at your job.

・ Pairing. san x reader (f).

・ Word Count. 14.2k (nah 💀)

・ Warnings. nsfw (18+) model!san, fashion stylist!reader, san is a major tease and flirt, fluff n angst, pet names (gorgeous, pretty girl, baby, love, angel face), lots of context, underaged drinking, arguing and tension, san's one-night stand is annoyinggg, making out, swearing (fuck, shit, asshole), switch!san, body worshipping, bondage, fingering, handjob, oral (f receiving), hair pulling, unprotected sex (don't ever do this please), good ending!! lmk if i missed anything

・ Note. OKAY haiii, i got the sudden urge to write after like, i dont know, 2-3 years. i’m fixated on fashion rn so i thought of the idea to make reader a fashion intern, and san as a model (like he isn’t already). super lengthy fic but i had a lotta fun writing it! this was supposed to be written for two of my close friends LOL, but im publishing it anyway. have fun reading (barely proofread, and rushed, sorry) 🫵

・ Disclaimer. This is a work of fiction, and the characters in this story are fictional and aren't intended to be representations of the Ateez members. ♡

Summer After Senior Year of High School

"Y/N," Wooyoung cleared his throat. The top of empty, deep green bottle of soju stops spinning in front of you, indicating it's your turn. All eyes were on you, but your eyes were fixated on the soju bottle that decided to pick you on that spin. You'd already been a victim to truth or dare twice that night. You found it unfair that it pointed in your direction a third time within the span of ten minutes.

Yet, who were you to argue? You and your close circle of friends graduated high school and planned to hang out at San's place a few nights after the ceremony. His parents were out of the house to go on a honeymoon trip. The house was practically San's and his feline friend Byeol's for the next few upcoming days. Therefore, you and your friend group settled on coming over to San's.

'Damn it, I've only done truth for the two times I've been picked.' Your inner voice played in your head, as if to taunt you. "Dare." The imaginary little devil on your shoulder grinned while the angel on your opposite shoulder frowned. A smirk plastered onto Wooyoung's face causing you to regret going with your head instead of your heart. "I dare you to have a staring contest with the person on your right." In a slow motion, you instinctively turn your head in the direction of the person on your right. San already had his head turned towards you, his adoring eyes looking back at yours as if the contest had already commenced.

"Loser takes a shot!" Jongho's voice reached your ears from the opposite side of the circle. Majority of the group had known about your feelings towards San for quite some time. No one knew if San was aware of it, it was anyone’s guess. Unfortunately for you, he never made the attempt to show that he liked you back in that way, which is why you still freak out around him.

San kept to himself after the start of senior year, a little after he broke up with his past girlfriend of nearly a year. You can't quite place a finger on the reason why, but everyone in the circle knew he didn't take it well by the way his demeanor had an immense shift. But thank goodness he warmed up to the circle again after a few months.

"Game on." San's lips curled into a smile that exposed his dimples. Gosh he's so freaking cute when he does that. "Three, two, one, go!" The boys chanted, you both locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity. His doll-like pupils watched you, like a child staring at a toy they yearn for on the shelf of a shop. An ego boost rushed over you, your confidence began to slowly work its way up. ‘Just focus—‘

You caught his pupils fix themselves onto your lips, just after he seemed to get lost in those starry eyes of yours. That caused you to falter and flutter your eyelashes before you were able come back to your senses. “I win.” He flashed a cocky grin. The members of the circle shouted in a synchronized manner “Drink! Drink! Drink!” While Yunho transferred the shot of soju over to your hands. A light sigh left your mouth before tilting your head upwards to the ceiling, and consuming the alcoholic drink. Your face scrunched up as a reaction to the alcoholic drink, being a light weight wasn’t helping your situation either. “Alright let her lay off on the drinks for now. She’ll end up snoozing on your living room carpet San.” Seonghwa joked, a tint of pink made a surprise appearance on your face. “Hwa!”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

“So I guess she did end up having to sleep here anyway.” Wooyoung let out a hysterical cackle, not wanting to miss out the chance to take photos of you on the couch in a dazed state. San played into the moment, chuckling at how you just stared back at Byeol with a plain expression. “I’ll see you Tuesday at the gym then, yeah?” Wooyoung took a hold of his car keys and gave them a small jingle. San escorted Wooyoung out the front door, the two of them exchanged an embrace. “For sure, thanks for staying to clean Woo.” San smiled to himself, closing the front door shut and being certain to lock it before he made his way over to you. He planted his feet right in front of you, Byeol had left the spot while Wooyoung was making his departure. “Gosh, what am I going to do with you?”

“Sleep…” you muttered, your head rested on the couch’s arm. You have a feeling that if you close your eyes for just a second longer, you’d be off to dream land. San’s living room spun like you were on a carousel. “You can sleep in my room, Y/N.” He effortlessly pulled you off the couch and onto the side of his body with one swift motion. “Lean on me.” Though you’re stuck in a trance, you do as he told and San supports your body by wrapping an arm around your waist, his free hand propped on top your shoulder. “There we go.” he took steady, gentle steps as if he were teaching a baby how to walk. He was careful with you, not wishing for you to lose your balance, or be in distress. “Thank you Sannie.” Those words merely slip out your lips. You sound so fatigued you probably could’ve passed out in his grip right then and there. “Yeah, you’re welcome, Y/N.”

San draped the covers over your delicate body, making sure that the covers went over your shoulders. You felt his hand brush past your cheek bone unintentionally. He got a hold of his phone that was resting on the night stand. San glanced at the time and his eyes widened at the sight, making him stash his phone into his pocket. “Crap, it’s so late, it’s past midnight.” He stood up abruptly, about to turn off the lamp illuminating his room, when his ears picked up a faint snore coming from his bed. You were so exhausted, you blacked out immediately after getting under San’s bedsheets. San couldn’t help but stop in his tracks to admire how blissfully you slept, considering you were the one who took the most shots during the games. His feet led him back over to the bed and he plopped himself down on the side of his mattress. Captivated by how you rested like a princess, more or less captured the beauty of one. “Night, angel face.” He whispered underneath his breath, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before he took his leave.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Fall of Freshman Year of College

You’re own your own now.

The start of the semester wasn’t much of a difference to you from high school. Classes were going smoothly as intended, except the fact that you weren’t able to branch out to meet some new faces. Curse being an introvert. You moved out of your parents’ house and got your own apartment with the money you saved up from your high school job, it really payed off! You lived in one of the newest built apartment complexes, and was fortunate to get the place for less than it was listed. Your circle of friends remained in the same city as you for college, meaning you were still together, ever since 8th grade.

You’ve developed a closer connection to San over the past months. You two are practically best buddies, is what Wooyoung says. Well, you weren’t dating but you two exchanged acts of love towards each other, like how a couple would. Having sleep overs at each other’s apartments, going out together, and heck— even going as far as matching items such as your identical cat plushies.

It tampered with your emotions. You felt blinded, because you had no idea if he engaged in these acts because he wanted to take it to the next level, or if he just saw you as a very good friend. It itched you every conversation of your time with him to spill your feelings out every time you exchange words. You’ve pent up these emotions for all these years yet you’re still afraid of rejection. You feared the horror of losing your friendship that you two built together ever since you were introduced to his friend group by Wooyoung.

‘What if San never transferred from his previous elementary school? What if I never befriended Woo? Where would I be? Who would I be with—’

“Y/N!” San’s warm voice brought you back into reality. “Oh! I’m sorry. Yes San?” It took a few seconds to regain your focus back, and on the man sitting across from you in the packed coffee shop.

“Your latte is going to get cold, you should start drinking it.” He pointed out, reading your face like a book. “You zoned out again, silly.” You turned your head down to see the now, rather close to cold latte. You didn’t wait a moment longer to sip it, since San paid for the beverages. San’s eyes rested on your face as you proceeded to consume your drink, you hummed in puzzlement to his oblivious staring. “Ah, my bad for staring—” he stammered, clearing his throat and taking a sip of his decaf americano.

It made you giggle as you set your cup back onto the wooden table, San melted on the spot. It squeezed his heart, the way you laughed. He absolutely loves it, he’d act a little dumb sometimes if it earned him one of your laughs. “It’s just— that laugh,” he uttered, holding back a grin by biting his bottom lip. “It’s really cute.”

Your cheeks flushed a deep, rosy red. You couldn’t even hide the blush with your hands, the whole scene was overwhelming for you, and San only pushed things further. “Look at you.” San teased, only making your cheeks burn a brighter color, he enjoyed this.

“Y’know I really enjoyed this Y/N,” he took the last sip of his drink and continued. “I always look forward to our little meet ups. Especially to this one, before uh…what was it? Your internship?” You nodded in agreement to his guess. You were taking a fashion internship this year at the company just down the block from the campus. You’ve always been intrigued by fashion design, so you took this internship as an opportunity to express your interest for it.

You were the only individual in the building who was there for the internship, setting you apart from the population. You were asked to do certain tasks that consisted of cutting or sewing fabric, designing styles, arranging photoshoots with those who have one booked, and the list could go on longer. Yes, you were tired at the end of the day, coming home from a tiresome day and immediately flopping onto your own bed.

The one thing that was able to keep you awake was San. Your late night calls always kept you idle when you returned home, and his voice that made your heart race, you couldn’t get enough of it. Sometimes you’d have to ask him to repeat himself because you weren’t quite paying attention to his rambles. Those times when San didn’t ring your phone up, you occupied yourself with the workload you are assigned from your college classes.

“I look forward to our meet ups too San!” You beamed, as if the latte had given you the pump of energy you needed for the day. “Oh and,” you spoke while playing with the sleeve of your deep red cardigan. “I was wondering if you would like to be my model for the piece that I designed? You could drop by after my internship.” You had no clue how you mustered up the courage to ask, but you needed someone for your project and San was the first person that came to your mind. “Oh?” He raised a brow at your offer, considering it. “I’d be more than happy to, Y/N.” That’s all you needed to hear.

A look of pure excitement crossed your face and before you knew it, it was time to end the meet up. “I’d better leave soon, my internship starts in a little.” You swallow the last sips of your cozy brew, you both shared soft, heartfelt smiles. “No problem, I’ll drive you there, you can’t say no to that.” He rose from his seat, taking his drink and your drink in his possession. You cheerfully hit at his shoulder, eliciting a tiny laugh from him. “Nope, no I can’t.”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You’ve got time to yourself before San arrives at your place. So with that time, you double check, even triple check to see if the suit you crafted was ready. You didn’t want to disappoint him, he was always honest and straightforward with you about anything. The suit was intended to capture the theme of elegance, and you worked your butt off to perfect your work.

The presentation would happen in a week from today, you also had to come up with some sort of script to follow. San went as far as to freeing up his schedule up on that day to attend your presentation as the model. Of course, he didn’t have to do all of that since you could’ve borrowed a mannequin, but he insisted. A vibration from your phone in your back pocket caught your main attention. You reached for your phone in your pocket, and open a text from San that was waiting in your notifications bar.

Today 7:22 PM

< i just parked, i’m heading up ]

“He’s here already?!” You spouted out, hurrying to your bathroom to check if you looked presentable. Your hair was a mess, it was the consequence of taking a power nap straight after your internship. Quickly, you set your phone down on the bathroom counter and took out your hairbrush from the top right drawer and fixed your bird’s nest. You took a moment to find your chapstick and give your lips a quick coat. It wasn’t until you felt the familiar texture and scent of your lip tint, that you realized you had applied it. You took a step back from your mirror, staring at your now, deep rosy, glossy lips.

‘Why did I just apply lip tint?! What’s gotten into me? Get it together—’

Ding dong.

You scrambled to tidy up the bathroom counter, placing everything that was brought out back into their drawers. In a rush, you stuffed your phone back into your back pocket and flicked off the bathroom light. Upon opening your apartment door, you were greeted by San, who seemed to have been holding a dainty box that promised a sweet surprise. “I’m sorry if I don’t look presentable, I mean you arrived here earlier than—”

“Hey gorgeous.”

For an instant, your heart forgot to beat. Gorgeous? That word alone made you fold. “Come on in,” you brushed it off, but his words played in your head like a catchy tune. “You cranked up the heat a ton, it’s like a beach in here.” San hung his coat onto a vacant hook on your rack mounted on the wall, then closed your apartment door shut. He was wearing a thick, white sweater underneath, with a pair of washed out black wide leg jeans, with a slim black leather belt to complete his look.

San set the tiny box on your kitchen’s island. “I gotcha some cookies on the way here, you said you were craving some the other day, right?” He remembers even the littlest of things. Which you often forgot, but to him, your little details mattered as if he needed them for exams. “Oh— yes! Thank you San, you really didn’t have to.” You gushed, making your way to your bedroom to fetch your creation.

“But I wanted to.” Again, his words made your heart do flips, making you pause for a slight second before continuing to your bedroom. This got a giggle out of him.

You came back into the space with the suit, laying it against your sofa. Along with the clothing item, you set down a bundle of pins and a measuring tape used for bodies on the coffee table if you needed to make adjustments to the suit to fit San’s figure. “Alright, you’ll be trying on this one.” San walked over to your living room, and stopped himself right beside you to have a closer look at your work of art. “You really outdid yourself here Y/N.” He was intrigued, crossing his arms and taking his time to look at the suit. Fireworks went off in your head, you felt proud of yourself, you impressed him.

It’s obvious on the look of your face that you’re so excited that you finally get to showcase your idea to those at the company. With San as your model as well, it was picture perfect to you. “Alrighty, I need your measurements first San.”

“So, this has to come off?” San tugged at his sweater, a flirtatious smile teased its way across his face. You froze up, his words changing the fireworks that were booming in your head to alarms. He was right, the measurements had to be accurate so he’d have to take off his top. With permission, you gave him a small nod and that was his cue. San’s sweater was off in a blink of an eye and thrown onto your wing chair.

His ripped upper body was now exposed to you, and the sight in front of you had your face burn up to look identical to a tomato. His honey skin, his bicep that flexed when he reached up to fix his hair, his tiny waist and his chiseled abs. It was all in front of you, and you couldn’t help but admire his upper body’s physique. The only time you’ve seen San’s upper body was the one time your friend group went out for a beach day. You didn’t want to make it obvious that you were staring, and staring HARD, so you avoided contact with San at all costs that day. However, today gave you a reason for your eyes to take in the sight, it felt unreal.

“Starstruck, much?” San bantered, waving his hand directly in front of your face. His gesture sent you into panic, making your eyes dart away. “I’m sorry— I was just caught off guard that’s all!” You swatted his hand away, trying to brush the incident off with an awkward laugh. With the measuring tape in your hands, you could now start on your first task.

Carefully, you lifted the measuring tape up to his broad shoulders. You could feel his eyes on you, watching your every movement while you obtained his measurements. His sharp gaze pierced through your heart that raced faster by the second. “Sixty two centimeters?!” You gasped at the observation, meeting his gaze. Then, you reached for your phone in your back pocket to note the measurement in your notes app, San snickered at your reaction. “Shocking, huh?”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You documented the last of the measurements you required. His shoulder to waist ratio had your mind blown, he was fit to be a model if he really wanted to pursue in that path. You took the suit coat in your hands, and met his eyes with a warm smile. “You can try this on now.”

Guiding him into your finished piece, you and San’s hands met at the button of the suit. San’s warm hand gently laid on top of yours, he didn’t intend to move his hand away. “I got it.” He properly pushed the button through the hole, successfully closing the suit. Your hands naturally fell back to the sides of your body.

It fit San like a glove, it was as if it was tailored for him. The suit hugged his figure flawlessly, no adjustments were necessary. “It’s perfect.” You spoke with sincerity, your eyes drinking in the view. It felt like having a prince in your space, you were mesmerized by the way the suit seemed to bring out the best of him.

“It’s almost as if it was made for me alone.” San checked himself out in your living room mirror. A hand running through his hair as he admired himself. “It’s beautiful, seriously.” A small chuckle left his lips, turning his body to your direction.

“Have you ever thought about becoming a model San?” You let roll off your tongue without a second thought.

“That’s a pretty big difference from what I’m studying right now.” A grin crept up San’s face.

“Well yes, I mean— you have the perfect physique and your proportions are just—” Realizing what was coming out of your mouth, you stopped in the middle of your sentence.

“You really think so?” San approached you slowly, undoing the button of the suit and sliding it off his shoulders, then bundled up into his arms. “You’ll need this back.”

“Yeah..” Struggling to find your next words, you took hold of the suit. San covered himself up with his white sweater that had been on your wing chair for the past hour. Part of you was relieved that he was taking his leave, giving you the time to collect yourself after the series of events that happened today. The other part of you yearned for San to stay, to be in your presence and to spend quality time with him. You were always met with these choices when you spent time with San, but you’d never ask him for more of his time. It felt a bit selfish, but you knew deep down he wouldn’t mind it at all.

“Thank you San, seriously.” You spoke, your words softened. The corner of San’s lips curled into a smile, showing off his dimples.

“You’ve done so much for me, I don’t know how I’ll be able to repay you.”

“Oh Y/N.” San gushed, coming up to you to wrap you in a comforting hug. You reciprocated the embrace, feeling your body relax into his. “San, you always give the best hugs.” You communicated with tenderness, feeling warmth engulf your body. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll let you keep the suit after the presentation. I won’t need it anymore after that.”

“Really? Y/N you don’t have to—”

“But I want to.” You mimicked San’s words that he said to you earlier. It brought heartfelt smiles onto the both of your faces, enjoying the last few seconds of the embrace before San disconnected himself from you.

“And how about this,” San cleared his throat, stuffing both his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He leaned in closer to you, sending you into a nervous wreck. “Promise me that you’ll talk to me if you need anything.”

“Of course. I promise.” You nodded your head to his silly promise, sticking your pinky out to him like a child. “Same goes for you Sannie, pinkie promise?”

San rolled his eyes, locking his pinky with yours. With your affectionate gazes meeting, your smiles mirrored each other’s understanding of the commitment.

“Pinky promise.”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Winter of Sophmore Year of College

Today was the day you were going to confess to San.

You felt it in your gut. Before meeting up with San, Wooyoung called you over the phone and said he wasn't going to hang up until you promised you weren't going to chicken out. Knowing how stubborn Wooyoung can get, you didn't want to bicker with him and end up being late to your hang out with San.

It was then that you realized Wooyoung quite literally pushed you into wanting to expose your true feelings. He urged you to get rid of the burden that's been with you since the day you met San, that burden grew with you as you aged up. The feelings that clinged onto you all these years made it impossible to pretend they didn't exist. The fact that you and San developed a close relationship since college made you love him harder So, what other times would there be than to do it now?

By taking the internship a second year, you were involved with more projects requiring more time with San as your model. He strived to please you. Taking your words into consideration from the first time you used him as a model, he wanted to be your model for as long as you kept being a fashion intern. He was loyal and dedicated to the work just as much as you were. Buying you the necessary fabrics you needed, his mother gifted you a sewing machine for your birthday so you wouldn't have to use the company's, and he would make an effort to call you when he couldn't come over to your place.

The gestures he made were undeniably sweet, but the question in your head still haunted you: was all of this because he wanted something more with you or just a friendly overture? Today would be the day you finally took the risk to know.

You and San arrived at your apartment complex after you spent the day ice skating. San was a natural at the activity while on the contrary, you struggled to even stand on the ice. You were both exhausted from the hours you spent at the rink, feeling like you were going to collapse when the elevator doors opened to your floor.

It was a chilly night. You always appeared to be undressed for the winter, because you didn't want to ruin your outfits with accessories that completely downgraded it. San didn't want you catching a cold so he wrapped his scarf around you and lended you his warm jacket.

By the time you were both inside of your apartment, you both exhaled a big sigh of relief. "I'm not sure what's colder, the air outside or my bank account after paying this month's heating bill." You muffled through San's large scarf, taking it off along with his jacket and hanging them on your rack. You hurried over to your kitchen to fix two cups of hot chocolate for you and San.

"Winter is coming for both of our bank accounts." San added to your sarcasm, slipping off his fleece mittens then throwing them onto your kitchen counter. He watched as you plopped the kettle on your stove, and came towards your direction. "So when's your next project?"

"Not until next semester, why do you ask?" You take out two mugs out of one of your kitchen cabinets, and set them down.

"Mm, just curious." San hands you two hot chocolate packets from your pantry, then leans his weight against your kitchen's island. "I'll stick around for the hot chocolate, I've got assignments piling up."

"Yeah, I get it."

You were holding off on scaring San with the 'can we talk' phrase. You've known him for most of your life, you felt safe talking to him about anything. So why is it that you held back on telling him how you really felt about him? Perhaps it was the vulnerability that comes with opening up your heart, leaving it exposed to the possibility of getting hurt. But San? You swore he would never hurt you. The suspense was killing you, and the only way to be able to escape that suffocating feeling was to unmask yourself.

You teared open the packets of hot chocolate and emptied them into the mugs. The aroma of hot chocolate lingered in the air, mingling with the sound of pouring hot water as the mugs were filled to a fair capacity. You took both of the mugs in your hands and offered San one, to which he accepted. "Thank you for today, Y/N."

"No no, thank you San." You flashed him a tender smile then blew at the top of your mug to cool the drink. While San waited patiently for his drink to reach the perfect temperature, his gaze found its way over to you, and you felt your heart skip a beat. "Have you always been this pretty?"

The blowing came to a stop, your eyes locked onto his. You gave him a look of surprise mixed with pure confusion, as if seeking clarification to his question. "What's so pretty about me today, hm?"

"Every part of you is pretty today and all days, Y/N."

You set your cup down abruptly, directing your gaze over to your side to avoid his eyes. Your eyes blinked rapidly, and you tried to keep your hands occupied by fiddling with a strand of your hair. "You really know how to get me flustered like this."

San retrieved his phone from his pocket, the sight hitting his face like a cold splash of water. "Shit, it's late Y/N, I gotta run." The hot chocolate that you made him found its way back onto the surface of your kitchen island. "I'm sorry I didn't get to share some hot cocoa with you." His smile revealed his adorable dimples to you.

San threw his coat back on and wrapped his scarf around his neck as he made an approach to your apartment's door. "What a shame..." You spoke with disappointment, trying to mask your fear by exchanging smiles with him.

If you were going to confess, it had to happen now. It was now or never. You needed the words to spill out of you or else you would lose another chance to be able to tell San how you felt. The atmosphere was charged with an unspoken understanding. Every second that ticked by was a second closer to you losing your confidence and to snuff out the flame of courage that was ignited in your heart. San reached for your apartment's door handle, before you interjected.

"San."

"Yes?" San perked his head up at you, dropping his action to listen to you.

Here goes nothing.

"Could I—" your voice quivered and you felt yourself already wanting to back out. "Could I tell you something?"

"Y/N," San came forward and stood before you, towering over you. "Y'know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"No, San. This is going to change how you view me, let alone what we have right now." You gulped, tugging at the side of your sweater as if it was going to help you out. "I'm scared to death of how you'll react to this." You spoke barely above a whisper, fear evident in your voice.

San made an attempt to reach for your hand, but you backed away before he could make contact with your skin. "Hey, it's okay. Whatever it is Y/N, we can get through this together. I care about you deeply and you know that." He expressed through comforting words that opened up your heart, slowly. Your situation urged him to stay in your apartment though he had other matters to attend to.

"But can we, San? Can we really?" Your fear and your courage were having a battle inside your mind, but courage won you over. You took a deep breath. "The truth is San,"

"I'm listening, Y/N." San's soothing words was the spark that ignited your willingness to be vulnerable, and open up to him after all these years of holding back.

"I like you a lot, San, more than a lot." You blinked back your tears that tried to slip out of your eyes, your fear being washed away within an instant. The words that you've been waiting to say to San for years made their escape. "Every moment I spend with you— it's a battle of exhileration and agony. I'm constantly torn between the desire to push my feelings or run from the fear of being rejected. I've been so scared to tell you, but keeping it inside is slowly destroying me, San. I don't know how much longer I can do this." You pause and gave yourself time to breathe.

"What I'm asking is, if you want to be more than friends."

"Y/N..." San couldn't make out a word except for your name. He just stood there, eyes wide with shock, his fist clenched into a ball. You waited for what felt like an eternity for him to give a clear response to your confession, but he was silenced. You struggled to read his expression, but his face was like a mask, it gave away nothing. You felt your heart sink to the floor, your stomach twisting into knots as the silence stretched out between the two of you. You took a step forward, but he moved away from you, it hurt. Your eyes never left his, though he wasn't looking back at you anymore.

"Say something, please San...? You begged, your heart shattered into a million pieces on the spot.

"How long?" San broke his silence. "How long have you liked me, Y/N?"

"Ever since second grade..." You dried the tears that escaped your eyes and fell onto your cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater. "Second grade..." You repeated the obvious, your world crumbled all around you as the seconds ticked by.

"This can't happen..." San stepped back from you again, widening the gap, his eyes never meeting yours. Those words cut through you like a knife, leaving you bleeding. You tried to speak up and ask why, but your voice was trapped in your throat, not being able to find a way out. He turned his back towards you coldly, his eyes avoided you like you were something hideous to him.

"The dates—" you struggled to find your voice, tears overflooded your eyes as they stained your cheeks endlessly. The sleeves of your sweater collected your tears, but they could only hold so much. "The dates, the sleep overs, the late night calls, our souvenirs we share, the compliments you give me..." You choked out, breaking down helplessly.

"Did they mean nothing to you?"

"I need to leave." San muttured, you can hear his voice break as he stumbled toward the door. He fumbled with the handle of your door, finally managing to yank it open and get out of your space. You tried to reach out for his arm, but he shook you off, not daring to tell you anything else he didn't have to. His movements were uncoordinated, like a puppet on broken strings.

"Don't you like me back San?" You stammered between broken sobs, hoping he'd at least answer this question.

"We can't be together." San's cold gaze met yours after you desperately wished he just looked at you once. You could see he was trying to suppress his tears from slipping out, but one managed to cascade down his cheek. "It's not because I don't want to be with you, it’s because I do, and that's the problem."

"San please—" You cried out, hoping he'd just run into your arms and everything would magically fall into place the way you wanted it to.

"Don't follow me out." San tossed out the words carelessly as he stormed off to catch the elevator down the hallway.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to himself undernearth his breath, the elevator's doors began closing as you both watched each other slip away, before you were no longer in each other's sights.

You shut your door upon seeing San’s silhouette disappear behind the elevator doors. The sound of your door shutting was the last thing breaking your apartment’s silence before your sobs and heartbroken gasps echoed through your home. Your body was shaken with cries, your knees gave out as you collapsed onto the floor, leaning against your front door. You couldn’t even make it to your bathroom or bedroom, it was too much to take in for you.

You buried your face in your hands, fingers tangled in your hair as you wept an ocean of pain. The floor beneath you was hard and cold, but you couldn’t feel anything except the heart breaking rejection that San gave you.

The two mugs on your kitchen’s island that were once filled with the piping hot chocolate now sat cold and abandoned.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

It’s been a week and a half since you and San fought. Neither of you made the effort to call or text, or show up at each other’s apartments. But you found your thumb hovering over the call and send a text button on his contact too many times to count.

‘Promise me that you’ll talk to me if you need anything.’

San’s words buzzed in your ear, as if you were suffering from tinnitus. You know you should’ve tried to get a hold of him, but you backed down every time. Instead of confronting San, you nursed your own wounds and busied yourself with homework.

The silence in your apartment was deafening, it was a bitter reminder of his absence. Every little noise in your apartment made you jump, as if you expected San to be at your door at that moment. But he wasn’t. The knife twisted into you deeper every time you used the sewing machine for your creative works. The times he sat on the end of your bed, sharing conversations when your fingers moved mechanically. He wasn’t there to indulge in your passions.

The sound of the machine stitching up the fragments of fabrics filled your room. You wished that your bond with San mended together as easily as the fabrics did, but tears pricked at the corners of your eyes when the sad reality hit you. Those treasured memories were shriveled up like the balled up sketches you disposed of in your trash can. You weren’t getting them back.

It only took a few days after the incident for it to reach your group of friends. Hongjoong and Mingi tried to get the two of you to talk in person by inviting you out somewhere nice. They tried this several times, but you and San caught onto their trick before it could even happen. The first time it happened, San ditched the meet up, then the second, you ditched it. It went back and forth until Hongjoong and Mingi eventually stopped, realizing it was just a waste of time.

Yeosang invited you over to his apartment he shared with Wooyoung for lunch and you accepted his offer. You haven’t hung out with anyone since that day with San. Perhaps a small gathering with two of your friends was what you needed.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

"That asshole!" Wooyoung sprang up from the couch for the third time as you narrated your side of the incident. He couldn't keep still hearing how you told the story through your point of view, he paced back and forth through the living room, collecting his thoughts. Yeosang, despite this, offered words of solace.

"He said something along the lines of, it's not because I don't want to, its because I do." You added to the story, making Wooyoung turn his head as if his name was called.

"So he does like you back!" Wooyoung spat out, going back to pacing around the living room's space.

"Things are complicated right now, Y/N," Yeosang was soft spoken, you could hear it in his voice that he wouldn't even hurt a fly.

"But this will pass and you'll heal. You always get through things like this, and just because it's San doesn't mean you won't. That's how I knew you, growing up." He gently patted your back as you took in his wise words.

"Also Wooyoung, the pork belly's been on the stove—"

"Oh shit!" Wooyoung hurried over to rescue the pork belly, only to discover that it was overcooked. He tried to salvage the slightly burnt meat, but it was charred on some of the sides. The sight of the overdone pork belly was so absurd that it left you giggling uncontrollably that San's rejection had slipped your mind.

Yeosang excused himself from the couch, pausing the conversation to get a better view of the scene himself. He shook his head as he approached Wooyoung, who's hand was tangled in his own hair.

"Wooyoung, that pork belly could've paid for one of my textbooks." Yeosang crossed his arms, his voice laced with sarcasm.

The smell of the cooked pork belly along with the slight smell of its charred bits wandered in the air, lifting you off the couch and gravitating towards the kitchen. You took a small piece of pork belly from the pan and consumed it, your face lit up with delight as it laid on your tongue. "Damn that's good!" You couldn't help but exclaim, even if the meat was slightly charred at the edges.

"I was worried I had to order takeout." Wooyoung let out an exaggerated sigh, wiping off the sweat from his forehead as he headed over to Yeosang, who was now setting up the dinner table for the three of you.

"We have Y/N over for the first time and you burnt our lunch, really Wooyoung?" Yeosang picked up a fight with the younger as he flickered his eyes over to you, giving you a playful smile.

"It's not burnt! It's just— aggressively cooked." Wooyoung picked up a fork from the dinner table, threatening Yeosang with it. He took things further with Yeosang and began to chase him around the dinner table with the fork in a childish manner.

Laughter was inevitable in this moment, you found it amusing. The way the two of them still acted like their 8th grade selfs, even during college.

Then it reminded you of how you and San were. When you would have sleep overs and have pillow fights. On the same day you fought, you had a snowball fight before you ice skated. It clouded your head, those memories were becoming fainter as the minutes went by without him.

Now, you were making new memories without him. You felt at peace for the first time in the two weeks you spent missing him. The memories of him still lingered in your head, but they no longer felt like a harsh weight holding you down. Upon arriving home that night and into your cozy bed as you drifted off to sleep, you felt a sense of hope and joy that you hadn't felt in a good minute.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Two Years Later

Things were going your way these past two years. You got a job after finishing up your bachelor's degree at the place you've done your internships at as a fashion stylist. Your boss told you that you could be promoted into a fashion designer within a year if you were persistent with your work, to which you were.

The director of the company threw a party at the building in your honor of becoming a part of the team. The sleek, modern spare meeting room was transformed into a lively gathering space where your colleagues and executives congratulated you on your new position.

Champagne glasses clinked and the sound of music took over the room as conversations filled the air as you entered the room in your dress that you made for yourself. It was an open back dress that shaped you flawlessly, it fell right below your knees. In addition to the dress, you wore a slim black scarf and a pair of stiletto heels to complete your look. It was elegant, it made heads turn. You received countless words of praise that night.

"You're going to be a game-changer here." The director stepped forward to express her admiration for your accomplishments. "We're lucky to have you on the board, Y/N." Another executive chimed in, your gaze meeting hers.

Your gaze lingered for a moment. "You're really pretty, by the way." You spoke up, admiring the way she styled herself for your occasion. She wore an expensive looking dress with a slit, which was dark blue and cinched her waist. Her hair was worn in an updo, exposing her defined collarbone. She was ethereal.

"Oh thank you, sweetheart." She said to you before she got consumed by the crowd. As the recognition you received continued to flow, you knew that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Slowly, the party was dying out and so were you. You were becoming a bit fatigued yourself, and excused yourself from your party after doing rounds of goodbyes to your colleagues. The clicking of your stiletto heels filled the silence of the hallways as you made your way into the lobby.

You felt a gust of wind hit you as the entrance doors opened when a group of more colleagues entered the building. They approached you to welcome you to the team and congratulate you, then left straight to the party room you just left. Then, you retrieved your phone from your purse to call for a ride, though you didn't drink.

"Y/N?" A voice, firm and masculine called your name from over your shoulder. The voice was vaguely familiar to you, but a name refused to come to your mind. You felt a wave of curiousity wash over you, then there was a hint of tension as you were vividly confused as to who could've addressed you with familiarity.

As you turned, your eyes scanned the room, locking onto a familiar figure standing just a few feet away. You felt your heart race as your eyes met his, and a rush of memories came flooding back. "San?"

It was him. The one who had rejected your love two years back, and the guy your heart chased for most of your life. Those same brown eyes, chisled jawline, and that charming smile of his that showed off his dimples that you know all too well. It was all there in front of you.

Though he wasn't wearing something of his personal taste, he was wearing the suit you designed for him those years back. It's low v-cut, exposing his chest, and a gold necklace with a ruby in the center, the suit was cinched at the waist. He wore wide leg slacks, his hair was styled up, a few strands of hair covered his forehead, then his hands were decorated with golden rings. It was a newer version of himself, a version you could hardly recognize.

San stepped forward, closing the gap, his eyes roving over you. A mixture of emotions came clear to you from him, there was hesitation, guilt, and something else you couldn't quite make out. "It's been a while..." he spoke, his voice low and sweet just as you remembered.

Your heart beat rapidly, you weren't sure if it was beating for San or if you were just shocked to find him here of all places. You felt a surge of emotions, unable to process them in the moment.

"You look— stunning tonight."

"What are you doing here?" You masked your apprehension, demanding him to tell you why he was here and what he possibly could’ve wanted from you.

“I just finished a photoshoot here,” San fixed the side of his hair. “I thought of what you said to me those years back and well— I’m a model now, or at least. That’s what my agent keeps telling me.”

You stood there in shock - you hadn’t expected San to take you seriously and be a model. The thought of him posing in front of cameras made your mind wander to all sorts of strange places. You wondered how long he’d been doing this since you last saw him.

“But besides that, I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now.” San’s eyes got lost in yours, like a maze with endless dead ends.

What could be possibly have to say that would make up for the way he hurt you those years back?

“And why do you want to do this now?” You raised a brow, your tone becoming bitter. You felt your shoulders stiffen as you broke your gaze with San. “A part of me died when we distanced ourselves, and I don’t know how to get it back.”

“I’ll earn back the person you were, please Y/N if you—“

“San, is that you?” A sultry voice purred from behind him as you watched in uneasiness as a stylish woman threw her arms around San’s shoulders. Her arms then slid down to his arm, clutching it like a purse. She then noticed you standing there in disbelief, your eyes fixated on the unfolding moment.

“Oh have I interrupted something?” Your executive’s voice chimed with such innocence. That blue dress. San didn’t give any attention to the woman. He instead looked insanely guilty, his head lowering to the ground as the woman spoke.

“I presume you two know each other? Baby, who is she?” She tugged at San’s sleeve, at the suit’s sleeve that you made with your own hands. It infuriated you. San then met your gaze and for a moment, there was a silent understanding of anger you both shared towards the woman. Though, you were still mad at San for his actions in the past that you hadn’t finished discussing, before she came in between you two.

To think you even complimented her at your own party, what a joke.

“Get the fuck off me.” San spat, his voice venomous as he shrugged her off his arm with ease. She stumbled backward, nearly falling as she was wearing high heels. Her eyes widened in horror, before her face contorted into a scowl. “Fine, be that way.”

“Is she one of your one-night stands too?” She fixed her hair, coming closer to San as she spoke. “You’re quite the player aren’t you? You’ve got a whole collection of women, each one oblivious to the others. Do you even remember our names or are we just numbers to you?” Her lips curled into a snarl, taunting San.

“Don’t try to turn this around on me,” San snapped, his jaw clenched. “I don’t owe you any explanations.”

You had enough of the bickering. The tension between the three of you was heavy on you and you didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. You headed out the door, leaving San and his one-night stand to their argument.

You heard San curse underneath his breath, as he took off after you. The hot August night’s air hit the both of you as you burst through the glass doors. The executive watched as you both left the building, a satisfied smile crept its way up to her face. She enjoyed the drama she started up, watching the both of you disappear through the glass doors of the building.

"I'm sorry about all that Y/N—"

"Don't follow me San." You cut San off, rising your voice in frustration. "There's nothing to talk about, I saw everything I needed to see."

San caught up next to you in a matter of a few seconds, his pleading eyes locked onto yours, begging you to stop pushing him away. He so desperately wanted your touch, but hesitated to make contact with you, unsure if he should. "Please talk to me Y/N, I need you..."

Your pace quickened, trying to lose him by ignoring his desperate calls to you. An uncomfortable lump formed in your throat as tears formed at the corners of your eyes. You struggled to keep your composure, your steps becoming more staggered now that your heart was aching once more.

"I need to make things right Y/N." You felt San's hand wrap around your wrist, his cold ring hit your skin and it caused you to stumble. His grip intensified on you, steadying you, as you found your balance again.

You turned your head to see San, catching his breath with tears staining his cheeks. His eyes pleaded for a chance to explain. Despite the anger and hurt still tearing you apart, you nodded slightly, giving him permission to explain himself. You felt San's grasp loosen, but he didn't release you.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, I'm sorry..." He repeated over and over again, his voice breaking beneath a torrent of tears that consumed him. You felt his sudden weight on your back as he rested his head on yours, choking up his sobs. "I don't want to lose you again."

"You won't, San." You turned to him, your heart still heavy with emotion. Your eyes met his, and all you saw was genuine devotion. Your heart fluttered as you realized your feelings for him didn't vanish completely. In fact, they appeared to have been waiting to be rekindled by San. You couldn't help but wonder if you were ready to open up your heart and let him back in.

San reached out a shaking hand and delicately brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch sent a shiver down your spine, but in a good way. "I swear I'll earn back your love. I'll shatter my own pride if it means making things right between us." His words were spoken in a fractured, meaningful tone that pierced you right in the gut, enough to crack the facade of your strength. You took his hand in yours, offering what comfort you could. As tears fell softly down your cheeks, you gave gentle strokes to his trembling hand.

"Let's talk about this at home."

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

"Do you want anything to drink, San?" You offered, breaking the awkward silence as he situated himself into your cozy living room. He shook his head, his eyes darting all over the familiar space as if reacquainting himself with the memories. You didn't realize that you had left some of the ambient lighting on in the house before you left for your party, it filled the room just enough for you to make out San's face.

San settled into the couch, his eyes fixed on you with a mix of gratitude and longing, as if pent up for the two years you were seperated. "Come here, Y/N." He gestured.

Just as you were about to occupy the seat next to him, he caught you by the waist and drew you onto his lap as you sat down, positioning you to face him. "I meant here."

His hands lingered on your hips, fingers brushing against your thighs as he repositioned his hands. "You haven't lost your touch I see - you're still as flirty as before." Your heart skipped a beat as his gaze intensified on you, drinking in your beauty.

"And you haven't lost your beauty." San's eyes explored your body, lingering on your curves. You felt chills run down your spine as his pupils roamed over you, worshipping you.

"I'm falling for you again, San."

San let out a 'hm?' in response to your words, as if it wasn't obvious to him already. Straddling his lap, letting his eyes wander your body like a work of art, your feelings were so apparent to him. "That's besides the point though," San cleared his throat.

"That woman, your colleague," He said, his voice low and serious. "Yes, she's one of the one night stands I've had," San broke the gaze in shame, pausing, waiting for your response.

"I was too quick to think of the worst, I'm sorry." You lifted your hand to his face, cupping the side of his face and stroking his cheek with your thumb in a consoling manner.

"No, I wasn't being honest with you about my situation." San's facial expresions softened, his eyes filled with nothing but remorse. "She's not my girlfriend she's just— just a mistake..." His voice trailed off, he struggled to find the right words to express his extreme regret.

"Sannie, you can be yourself around me. Loosen up will you?" That nickname made him melt into your touch, his hand on your waist kneaded the side of your body as his tense muscles began to relax. "I'm sorry— I guess I'm just not used to...talking about things like this."

You nodded understandingly, a soft smile found itself onto your face. "It's just us here San. Like I said, you can be yourself around me."

San nodded back, feeling his heart strings stop fiddling with his fragile heart to let put him at ease. "I want to be completely transparent here, Y/N."

Another nod from you was your way of telling San you were all ears for what he was about to say to you.

"Honestly, I've been doing one night stands. With all sorts of women, so she's right about that part, but," He blinked back tears that began to form in his eyes as he was frank with you. "The problem wasn't because I was lonely, it was because I missed you."

For a moment, time stood still. The sincerity in his eyes hit you like a tidal wave as a rush of heat made its way to your cheeks. Your eyes caught a tear that escaped San's eye, as you were quick to wipe it away with your finger.

"I've slept with all these girls and yet— I couldn't find you in them."

San pulled you into him closer as his grip on you strengthened. "I want you to know that none of them meant anything to me. They were just distractions, a way to fill the void. It didn't work as you can see, but— every time I touched someone else, I felt like I was betraying you."

"San..." His words slammed into you. Your eyes welled up with strong emotions as you both exhanged heartfelt smiles. No one had ever made you feel so seen, so loved and so cared for as much as San did. He possessed a gift for speech, and somehow he always seemed to find the right words to say at the right time.

"And about that day," He brought up the sensitive topic which caused you to swallow the lump in your throat.

"I hurt you, I hurt you terribly. I want you to know that I've regretted my choice every day since."

You leaned in closer to San, your faces being inches apart now that you tightened the gap. Your heart felt as if it was going to burst out of your chest.

"I want to go back to that day. I want to make it right, I want to choose you, stay with you and see where things could have gone between us. I'm so sorry—"

You cut San off, pressing your lips against his, passionately kissing him like you oh so wished to all those years you yearned for him. San was taken aback by your impetuous action. It made him hesitate, his desire you kiss you back at war with the doubt that held him back. But before he could decide, you drew back.

"I'm sorry! I lost control—"

San greedily placed a hand on the back of your head, pushing you toward his face to steal another kiss from you. His hand on the back of your head held you in place, his fingers tangled in your hair as he deepend the kiss, showing how much he wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

Chills ran down your body as San's tongue waltzed with yours, your hand instinctively ran down to his chest, gripping onto the suit coat. You felt San move his hand from your head to your jawline, giving your cheek a stroke as you both got lost in the fervor of the moment.

As the kiss finally broke, you both gasped for air, lips swollen and tender from selfishness. San looked at you with eyes that scorched with desire and lust. "I've wanted to do that for so long, you have no idea,"

"I've wanted you to." You giggled, bringing a smile to his face.

"And I want to do it again." San's eyes lowered themselves to your lips once more, as if asking permission to taste your lips again. In a moment that seemed inevitable, you narrowed the distance between you, his lips meeting with yours in a soft, delicate kiss. This time, it was slower, as if he was savoring the taste of you.

You immediately melted into the kiss, your lips parting inviting him to have deeper access. His tongue stroked yours, making a moan come out of you. Your hands fumbled with the button of the suit before San's warm hands glided over yours, undoing the button himself. He slid the suit off with ease, throwing it off to the side of your couch, then breaking the kiss.

"Do you always keep it so hot in here, love?"

"Not always." You wiped your lips, smudging your lipstick.

"Fuck, you're so pretty." A smirk snuck its way up to San's face, his hands slipped underneath your thighs, picking you up with ease. "Let's switch spots."

San placed you back on the sofa, planting dainty kisses on your neck as he held one of your thighs up. "Can I taste you, please baby?" He pleaded with those dumb puppy eyes of his.

"Please..." You eagerly answered his question, your core ached for him.

San then moved to your collarbone, kissing his way down your body till he reached your legs. He pressed his thumb against your core, rubbing it in a circular motion, erupting sweet whines from you. "You're so wet, Y/N." He huffed, leaning in and kissing your inner thigh before sliding off your panties.

Your high heels fell to the floor, hitting your wooden floor with a thud, as San raised your thighs to lay them on his broad shoulders. He glanced at your soaking pussy, and swallowed, so impatient to taste you.

You gasped as he grazed his lips against your pussy, shuddering at the sensation. He pecked your core before licking hot stripes up your clit, groaning at the way you tasted. He attached himself to you, his tongue swirling around your entrance, making you buck your hips against him. You relished the moment, every movement of his tongue sending you above the stars as he devoured you as if it was his last meal. You threw your head back onto your couch, clasping his hair with both your hands, tangling your fingers as his tongue stroked your sensitive core.

San let go of one of your thighs, his hand snaked his way up to your breasts, kneading it in his hand as his tongue caressed you. He wanted more out of you. He drew his hand back after fondling with your tit, and to your clit. He deattached himself for a moment, a string of saliva emerging from the scene.

"Fuck," He whispered, grinning at the sight he made, before inserting a finger into you, pumping into you slowly. You squirmed at the sudden added sensation, pretty noises spilling out of you as you adjusted to the new feeling.

"Gonna cum for me, pretty girl?" He looked at you with pussy-drunk eyes. The pet name making your face burn up into a bright tint of pink. You obediently nodded, your mind was foggy and you could barely make out any words as San's finger slid in and out of you. Before you knew it, San added another finger into you, not being satisfied with your answer.

"Tell me you want to cum for me, let me hear your sweet voice, love." His tone was addicting, you couldn't help but do as he said. You were hypnotized by the way he made you feel. The way his fingers curled in you, making your hips move desperately, chasing your climax.

You met his gaze, moving a strand of hair that was covering his eye as you moved against his touch. "P-please San— I want to cum! Make me cum—" You cried out helplessly, your grip on his hair tightening as you kicked your legs gently. "That's my girl."

His lips met your clit again, relentlessly savouring your delightful taste as his fingers continued to move in and out of you. He pulled your thigh back to give him more access to your cunt, grunting as he circled his tongue on your core.

Your body shook with pleasure, squeezing your knees together and locking San in between your thighs as your sweet esesence flowed out of you and right into San's mouth. He made sure to lick you clean, leaving you spotless as he kissed your pulsing cunt before pulling away from your legs. "Mm, so sweet."

San came towards your face, his hand on your hip as he pulled you towards him. He clashed his lips into yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. It was intoxicating. The scent of his cologne filled your head as you felt yourself get lost in the depths of his mouth. Your hand sneaked its way to his clothed erection, stroking it as you deepened the kiss. San groaned against your lips, his sensitive body shuddering at your touch.

You felt San's hands roam across your body, tracing the curves of your waist with his warm hands, then the swell of your hips. "Eager aren't we?" You mummured in between the kiss, crashing your lips back into his. You felt a sudden rush of excitement as San's tongue slipped between your lips and into your mouth, the sensation sending chills down your body.

"Are you going to drive me insane?" He pulled away from the kiss to catch his breath. Your lips curled into a sly smile, as you leaned in closer to the side of his face. "Maybe I'll drive you crazy and you'll never be able to get enough of me."

"You're killing me." San scoffed. You stood up from the couch, stumbling a little before finding your balance again. You took his hand in yours, guiding him to your dimly lit bedroom. "Come with me, handsome."

San obliged, his eyes never wandering elsewhere and being glued onto yours, as you tugged him into your bedroom. The only source of light in your room was a few lamps you left on and the moonlight's everlasting glow, peeking in through your window. It was quite the romantic setting.

His eyes lost their focus on you and onto your work desk, where he saw the sewing machine his mother gifted to you. Then beside that, there was a bouquet of flowers. He stared at it with resent, and you caught onto it quick.

"I'm so sorry San— that was from this guy at my work place, I promise I—"

San pulled you into his body, silencing you with a gentle kiss, his face softening up. "I know, love. No need to reassure me. I guess it's only fair since you caught me with another girl." He joked, receiving a playful punch to his abs from you as you ventured deeper into your room.

You stood in front of your tall mirror that rested against your wall, moving your hair out of the way to undo the straps keeping your dress on you. You felt a presence from behind you.

San's figure was visible in the mirror, his hands on your hips, as he ran them up your body. "Let me help you with that," He whispered, his voice husky and full of love. Gently, he took the straps from your hands and unraveled the straps for you, his hands lingering on your skin. You watched in the mirror as he slowly guided your dress down to the floor, where it pooled around your feet. The only thing remaining on your body was your slim black scarf.

You froze, your naked body being exposed to him as the cold breeze hit you, making you shiver. San's hands drifted down to your arms, his warms hands immediately warming up your skin.

"You're so pretty." He tilted his head down to kiss your shoulder, before coming to your ear. "So pretty for me."

His truthful words echoed in your mind. You were all his, and you were honored to call him yours. Your wishes from those years ago had finally come true, as the man of your dreams was standing behind you, loving you the way you wanted to be loved. You knew you were ready to give yourself to him, to let him explore every inch of your body.

His erection pressed against you, making your cheeks flush more bright shades of pink.

"Y/N..." San softly spoke into your ear, kissing it and nibbling on it.

"Yes, Sannie?"

"Please touch me...it hurts." He rubbed himself on you, whimpering in your ear as his erection grew harder. "I need you, now."

You turned around and looked up at him, shocked by the desperation in his voice. His eyes, pleading, and his face tense with need. You pecked his lips before unbuckling his belt. He watched you impatiently, wanting you to tend to his needs right then and there.

As you pulled his belt off him, you undid the button of his pants, dropping them to the floor as he was left in his briefs. A small bit of pre-cum stained the surface of his briefs, a single touch from you would've made him cum.

"Almost came in your briefs for me, oh," You teasingly said, tugging at his briefs before pulling them down to the floor, revealing his aching cock.

"I don't know how long I'll last—"

"Hush, just let loose, I'll take care of you, okay?" You pecked San's cheek as he nodded to you, placing his full trust in you. You pressed your hands against San's abs, guiding him onto your bed and backing him up into your headboard.

With a swift motion, you unwrapped the slim black scarf from around your neck and used it to bind San's wrist behind him. He smirked, enjoying the sudden shift in power as you were now in control. "You're not serious, are you?" He tested the knots of the scarf, flexing his wrists subtly, his gaze never leaving yours.

"I'm dead serious." You replied, a chuckling escaping your lips as you watched him test your knots, being unable to break free.

San scoffed, adjusting his sitting position on your bed. "I like this side of you, Y/N."

"You're so needy..." You run a finger down San's bare chest, and around the area where he wants you most. It itches him, making him stutter out a shaky breath as his body quivers from just the slightest touch from you. "S-shit..." His voice shakes, his eyebrows furrow in frustration.

You press the palm of your hand on the tip of his aching cock, extracting a charming, helpless groan. You wrap your fingers around his cock and start to slowly pump his erection. Your eyes flickered up to San, who melted into your touch and arched his back for you. Seeing him in such a vulnerable, submissive state made you just want to love him forever and ever.

He thrusts his hips desperately against your hand, he could already feel himself coming to his limits. Your hand moves in a fast paced motion, wanting to hear him make pretty noises for you. Your movements are precise, and your wrist moved at a speed his hips coordinated with perfectly. You drew intimate, endearing noises from San, it almost sounds like he's about to cry from the way you touched him.

His movements became more uncoordinated with each stroke you made, indicating that his climax was approaching. San's legs quivered, struggling to match your pace as he whimpered miserably. "Fuck— g-gonna cum...baby please..." he breathed out, a warm, endearing light danced in his eyes.

A coy "Mm?" left your lips, buying time for the fun to continue. You slowed your movements down, making it harder for San to reach his edge.

"Baby..." he let out a heart-melting mew, thrusting himself against your hand. His arms strained against the scarf's bindings, being unable to free himself. He was so desperate to cum. "P-please?"

As if you'd ever be able to resist him.

You picked up your quick movements again, pressing your lips against his for a quick kiss. "Cum for me, handsome."

"C-call me that again..." San snickered, his thrusts becoming more powerful as you helped him reach his climax.

"You wanna cum? Wanna cum on me, handsome?" You satisfied his needs, palming his tip with your free hand.

"Y-yes! Yes— oh fuck!" He threw his head back in pleasure, releasing his load on you, coating your hands in his pretty mess. San groaned as you got every last drop of him out, his body shuddering from overstimulation.

You seductively used your tongue to lick up the mess that San ejaculated onto your hands, savouring the residue.

"Are you going to play nice and let me go, hm?" San raised a brow, a hint of amusement could be found on his lips.

"I think I've had my fun for now." You giggled, and untied the scarf, freeing his arms. He rubbed his wrists gently, feeling relieved.

"Now it's my turn to have some fun." San winked at you, he leaned in closer, eyes sparkling with michief. You gasped as he gently pinned you down on the bed, holding your wrists in place. You felt a thrill run through you as he hovered above, his face just inches from yours. You couldn't help but wonder what he had planned, but it had you excited.

He lavished attention on every inch of your beautiful skin, as if you were some goddess. His finger traced down your shoulder and down to your luscious curves. He stared at your stunning form, taking in the sight of your loveliness, being caught in a trance. His heart beat in a rythym with the beauty that looked back at him.

"I can't believe I let you go that easily, I'm so stupid." He dipped down, his mouth attacking your neck with kisses, then he kissed all over your shoulders and across your upper chest. You felt his abs against your tummy which flushed your cheeks up.

"You're not stupid, San." You let an arm that escaped his soft grasp on your wrists rest on his bicep that lay beside your head, as you let him explore your body. He trailed a hand down to your breasts, his thumb teasing one of your nipples as his mouth closed around the other.

Your back arched off your covers in response to the feeling, a soft whine slipped out of your mouth. "You like that, baby?" San released your nipples and made his way back up to your face, pecking your lips as he rose, taking his cock in his hands.

"Not as much as I'd like to have that dick in me." Your eyes sparkled as a playful laugh bubbled up from within.

San rubbed the side of your thighs, before spreading your thighs open. His cock grazed your folds, then his tip teased your entrance. "Is this what you want?"

"More than anything, San." Your gazes matched a look of desire and lust for each other, never wanting this night to end. You bite your lip, bucking your hips against his cock, impatiently grinding yourself on it.

"Fuck— look at you." San cooed, watching you crave his cock. His honey skin glowed in the low lighting of your room, the sharp lines of his muscles caught your eye, making you move your hips more eagerly.

"Hold still for me, pretty girl." San rubbed the tip of his cock against your entrance, then slowly slid himself inside of you with ease. You gasped at his length and squeeze your eyes shut as he starts to move, with slow and steady movements as to not hurt you.

"So fucking tight," He pushed into you further, quickening his pace with every movement he made. "You feel so good..." San lowered himself down to your face, your lips meeting yours as you shared an intimate kiss before he pulled away to catch his breath. He panted against your neck, his hot breath hitting your skin.

"Fuck...j-just like that—" Your voice trembled as you struggled to suppress any of your noises that poured out of your mouth. San grunted between thrusts, palming one of your breasts with a hand.

You grabbed a handful of your comforter in your hand, every thrust feeling like heaven. Your helpless cries blended in a perfect harmony with his low groans, creating a sensual symphony. Then San gave into his hunger, driven by desire, his movements became more urgent. He pounded into you so deeply that the styling products that held San's hair in place had lost their grip, and his hair returned to it's natural state. The way you remember it. "You feel so damn good Y/N, better than I could've ever imagined..."

The sensual sensation was addictive, you both wished your bodies could endure more than they could. You could feel the flame in your abdomen begin to ignite as you chased your climax, your back gravitating off your comforter as your orgasm began to burn up.

"S-San... I'm c-cumming—!" Your muscles contracted, pulsing, drawing a sharp gasp of pleasure from him.

"Cum for me, pretty girl." He held your gaze for a heartbeat before hiding his face into the hollow of your neck, his muffled moans sent shivers down your spine as he let you ride out your orgasm.

"I love you Y/N, I love you so much." San whispered in your ear, as you repeated the words back to him. He teetered you over the edge, tears of pleasure formed at the corners of your eyes and before you knew it, your release was everywhere on his cock. "F-fuck— I love you!" He pulled out of you, painting your stomach with his warm climax as you both took your time to catch your breath, sharing a couple giggles here and there as you did so.

His beads of sweat from his forehead fell onto your comforter. He fixed your hair for you before leaving the bed. "I'll clean that pretty mess up." He left the room with a small laugh, leaving you in your room with the sticky mess on your tummy.

You just made love to Choi San. The realization hit you like a shit ton of bricks. You laid there in your bed, feeling cold and vulnerable without him, even though he only left the room for not even a minute. You stared at your ceiling and couldn't help but think about the intimacy you'd just shared with him. You gave your body to him, fully and completely, and he fucked every worry and insecurity out of you with one round of sex.

What would your parents think? Gosh— What would your friends think? It was all hitting you in the moment.

San returned with a roll of toilet paper in his hand, interrupting your thoughts. He carefully wipes your body clean, then your comforter, and throws away the paper in the trash can that lived near your work desk. Like the gentleman he was, he helped you shift into a more comfortable position. Fixing up your pillows for you before sliding his arms beneath you, lifting you up and nestled you against the pillows.

With a contented sigh, San settled in beside you, wrapping an arm around you as you snuggled into him.

"I'm going to assume this isn't your first time?"

"No, but I wish my first time was with you." Your eyes fixed themselves on the bouqet of flowers, unattended at your desk. "I swear I'll get rid of those in the morning, they're bothering me too."

San could only nod, a soft smile playing on his lips as he held you closer. "I'll leave you to it."

There was an awkward moment of silence before the both of you spoke up simultaneously.

"Y/N-"

"San-"

"Oh no, you first," San insisted, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he flashed his dimples to you. "What's on your mind, love?"

"Ah, well I just been wondering— how are we going to tell the rest of the guys?"

A chuckle left San's lips, but his smile quickly faded as he considered the reality of the situation. "Wait, we're really going to have to tell them, aren't we?" His voiced laced with a hint of nervousness.

You nodded in response, "Mhm, can't keep it a secret forever y'know."

"We're fucked." He swallowed hard, his eyes searched your room as if searching for an escape route to the scenario. "No, more like I'm fucked! What if they don't take it well?"

His face went pale, as if he had seen a ghost and was about ready to bolt out of your bed. "We'll figure it out San, like you said to me, we can get through it together."

"I don't know, they can be rough sometimes you know? Wooyoung nearly broke my apartment door down when he found out about my mistake." He rubbed the back of his neck, his brows furrowed with deep concern.

"San, they'll be fine. There will be some tension, but they'll come around. It's not like we did anything wrong." You reassured him, feeling his muscles relax by the softness of your words. You leaned in closer to San's face and planted a sweet kiss on his cheek, before snuggling into his chest again.

"I mean, it's just-" He took a deep breath, "I haven't been in a real relationship since high school."

"You mean—"

"Yes, it's what I wanted to come clean about, with you specifically." The tone in his voice was serious, his eyes clouding with a mix of emotions you couldn't make out. "It's why I rejected you in the first place."

"I'm listening, San."

"I rejected you because I let fear dictate my life." San's chest grew heavy with strong emotions. "She ruined me. Broke me in ways I never thought were possible. So, I isolated myself from love and pushed away your love. All because I didn't know how to trust again, how to love again. Scared of getting hurt, but the truth is, I was already hurting. i was hurting in the moments you asked me out, because I knew I couldn't have you. I wasn't ready." San's voice broke, but he kept his smile as his gaze never broke away from yours.

"Sannie," Your heart raced with a desire to protect him. Your hands were clasped tightly together in your lap as you processed his story in your mind.

"I'm sorry it took years for me to open up. I pushed you away when all I ever wanted was to pull you close."

Without a word, you reached out and gently placed your hand on top of his. San tried to search for a sign of hesitation in your eyes, but saw nothing but understandment. Slowly, he turned his hand over and intertwined your fingers, feeling you squeeze gently, a smile spread across your face. "Your past doesn't define you. You're safe with me San, nothing is going to hurt you now, I promise."

San's gaze softened up as he absorbed your gentle words. His eyes filled with a deep sense of calmness and he felt safe in your presence, for the first time since you were gone. "How did we end up like this..."

"I don't know how to answer that, but I do know that I'm super tired." You let out a quiet laugh, your eyes becoming heavier as the seconds ticked by.

"Okay, that's fair." He repositioned your onto your pillow before readjusting his own position. As you lay there, the world outside receded, leaving only the soft rise and fall of your breathing. Before a thought came to your head and woke you right up.

"Wait!" You spoke barely above a whisper, catching San off guard.

"I thought you were sleepy, gorgeous."

"I know how we could tell the guys." Your forehead met his, as he held you close to him.

"What about a game of truth or dare with a few bottles of soju, just like the old days?"

Memories came flooding back in San's head. Late-night laughter, silly dares and whispered secrets shared over the shots of soju. He was taken back to summer of senior year, where you slept over at his house being too drunk to go home yourself. "You want to go back to that?"

"Well, why not? All of us were happy then, right?" Your smile grew as you reminisced the past.

"Mhm, right. Now go to sleep, silly." He guided you back down to lay against his chest, as he pulled the covers over the both of you. You closed your eyes, giggling as you felt the warmth of the covers over your bare body. "I love you San."

"I love you too." The words hung in the air, a sweet exchange of words before you drifted off to dream land in no time. San watched through your window, the city lights illuminating the night from outside, and the stars that shined just as bright as his love for you. It was a full moon tonight, symbolizing your love had been sealed.

"Night, angel face."