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[balrogbussy]

Spin cycle

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[balrogbussy]

Too Close to Home - 10

I started to go out more frequently and try to meet people the old fashioned way. It wasn’t working, but like, a girl can dream. A lot of the boys I was talking to at this point were a bit of a distance from me (in my state’s major city) so I was kind of just racking up a few boys for my trip so I could have sex AND the city. Anyway, I go to the bar with my best girl friend. We’re having an awful time. The music is trash, the people are TOO young and ugly, it was a terrible moment. I start texting some local hoes I knew hoping they’d come and save me, or at least we could switch to like a gay bar--even though I knew the chances of me running into Cory or some other thot I ghosted would be incredibly high. In walks this girl. No idea what her name is, but I’ll call her Brooke. Brooke sat down next to me as I was alone (my best girl friend had to get going and left me waiting to be rescued by some friends). Brooke and I start talking and I’m already pretty tipsy so we seem to be hitting it off. Eventually it became clear to me that Ms. Brooke was hitting on me. Okay... no, mam. I hadn’t had to deal with a vag at this point in 3 years. I was celibate the year before I came out and was strictly dickly as soon as I did. Even though I bartered with my brain for a while to figure out if I was bi or gay--I think, as a friend of mine so adequately put it to me--I’m Biromantic. As in, I can get fulfillment and romance and feelings for a woman, and recognize her beauty, but girl, no mam am I ever going to bed with one again (cuddles always accepted however). Anyway, once Brooke started coming on stronger and stronger I was like... BARTENDER! NURSE! I needed more alcohol. I kept going along with it, I don’t know why. Remind me of that scene in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo where Daniel Craig goes inside even though he knows Stellan Skarsgard is a murderer. Like, people are much more likely to ignore their instincts despite their brain screaming warning signs at them. ANYWAY, eventually when she went in for a kiss I just had to tell her. “oh... I’m gay”. I expected her to throw her drink in my face, make a scene, rip my weave off, and smash a bottle across my face. But she just laughs and goes “Aweee. So is my brother. He drives for uber. Let me hook y’all up. We can all go home together”... You... what now? She at this point already knew that I needed an uber home but the fact that she was like, oh let my brother drive you, he’s gay, and he’ll treat you well... I was quoke. She shows me some pics of her brother, we’ll call him Jamie... you’ll understand later if you’re a fan of Game of Thrones. He looks kinda cute, a little butch for me, but I can make it work and I’ve had plenty to drink. As the bar starts closing I get a few more drinks and tab out. Brooke and I wait by the curb for Jamie to pick us up and I’m shivering my ass off. She rubs my shoulders and kisses my arms through my jacket trying to keep me warm. Finally Jamie shows up. He gets out and gets the doors for us and I sit in front. He asks me where I’m going and part of me was like... not okay. Like, it felt very... Manson in some way. I told them to just drop me off at the 7/11 nearby my house and that I needed to get cigs. Jamie knew it well since it was also a truck stop and we headed out. The ride was harmless enough until we get there. Jamie pulls around back where the trucks are and starts making a move. I’m thinking Brooke is Eileen Wournos at this point and Jamie is Jeffery Dahmer and I’m about to be vore’d.  I’m drunk so I just go along with kissing Jamie. Next thing I know he goes to give me head. Okay... werk. It wasn’t good and I was drunk so I was barely staying hard. Next thing I know Brooke is pushing down on his head in a bobbing motion like she’s a dom top or some shit forcing her BROTHER to deep throat me. I was O F F I C I A L L Y DONE. After I pretended to enjoy it for a few more minutes I told Jamie it just wasn’t going to happen because I was so drunk. He understood and got the door for me like a gentlemen. Brooke got out and we all hugged and Brooke asked me for my number. I gave her the number to my second line that I no longer use and cancelled about two weeks later. After they got back into the car I walked to the entrance of the 7/11, shook as fuck. I got myself a packet of almonds and a Fiji water to try and give my body something other than Blue Moon. I made sure I took my sweet ass time though. I’m a hugely paranoid person and I wasn't about to be walking home at 4am and have this Lannister ass cuck family run me down with their uber car. Once I paid and got my cigs I started the short walk back to my house chain smoking. What the FUCK just happened!? As the Fiji water cleansed my soul and palate I decided it was time to take a break from hoe’n until I got to the city. I literally was so over all the mess. I guess that’s just all par for the course though. I think? That’s what I told myself anyway. Regardless of that whole moment, I would hate to spend Thanksgiving with that fucking family. 

[balrogbussy]

Last Ride - 9

A little bit had passed since I ghosted Cory’s “make me your bae” text and he started messaging me on snapchat instead, I guess because that way it was a fresh feed and I wouldn’t be trapped into answering him. I had to be straight forward with Cory. I told him I had been seeing other people and that I wasn’t interested in a relationship any time soon--and especially with him since we barely got beyond the early dating stage the first time we started to talk ages ago. He was seemingly fine with it, and then proceeded to tell me that he’d been sleeping around as well. No surprise there, that was always Cory’s gig and I guess in a way it had now become mine. Regardless of the interest Cory had in taking the situation further, he was fully willing to just remain FWB’s for the time being. Fine, honestly just stop calling me Bae and Baby. That was my one stipulation--no more pet names. They’re fucking irritating and a huge turn off. He replied with “Whatever you say daddy” ... Incorrigible little prick. Anyway, so as we’re texting he starts making plans to go to a bar thats somewhere in the middle of where we both lived--there was no fucking way I was going to catch and uber out his way and back again--talk about a waste of money. The night approaches and I really just wanted to flake on him to be honest. I found his company exhausting and I felt like I was becoming less and less attracted to him each time we met up and had sex or each time he wanted to masturbate with me on snapchat. Despite myself, I went to the bar to meet him there. I get there a little late, my uber traveled at the speed of a sailboat in a doldrum and made my plans to be fashionably late turn into inexcusably late. Needless to say Cory was already fairly tipsy. He instantly started flirting, grabbing my hand, kissing my neck. It was a lot. He could sense I was a little cold and simply insisted that I drink more. Kind of sad that he knew the only way I’d be into this hookup was if I was well and truly fucked. At this point I came out to have a good time so I was just going to try and do just that--with the help of about five gin and tonics. Gets kind of hazy from there, but we end up back at Cory’s place. We blow each other and make out for what felt like hours before we pass out. I woke up and was just full of dread. Cory got up and went to the bathroom. He was gone for quite a while and I knew that he was just going to go douche so we could fuck. I fell back to sleep for a bit while he did that to try and wear the hangover off a little bit more. Eventually he came back into the bed and started rubbing my back and kissing me on the neck. I turn over and give him a few short kisses. He then edges down towards my dick and starts to blow me once again--his specialty. After a few moments he pins my arms down and sits right on top of my dick. He rode and rode and rode but nothing was happening. He kept moaning “are you close?” ... I just wasn’t... I couldn’t get into it. Sure, I was hard, but there was so much that I wasn’t into that cumming just wasn’t in the cards. Finally Cory said “My legs are getting fucking tired can you just fucking cum already?” I relented and closed my eyes trying to think of a porn I had seen earlier that week. After a few more minutes I managed to cum. Cory came shortly after. I got up and went to his shower, dressing shortly after. The energy was awkward as hell, Cory knew that something had dramatically changed with our chemistry. I ordered my uber and sat awkwardly at the edge of his bed while he flipped through netflix on his ps4. We didn’t talk much at all and after about twenty minutes my uber came to save me. I gave him a quick hug and exited that mother fucker as fast as I could. As soon as I got home I crashed in bed and just listened to music. The only thing I could think about was how awful the last few hours were. Not like, as in emotionally taxing or anything--more just how awkward and unenjoyable the whole thing was. I decided it wasn’t worth either mine or Cory’s time to really keep going with the FWB situation and decided to not reply to any of his texts. I ghosted him for about a day before finally responding after he asked if I was free. I said that I wasn’t really interested in hooking up anymore--and that I was just taking time for myself. I mean, there was some truth to that white lie, but ultimately I just couldn’t come out and tell Cory I wasn’t attracted to him anymore, and his unsavory personality was a total boner killer and there was just no chance I would ever consider fucking him again--no matter how good it used to be. It’s one of those things where I just had to weigh the pros and cons and the cons far outweighed the pros. Cory ghosted me right after--fair enough. I didn’t mind, I still had a good handful of guys I was talking to regularly and enjoyed having conversations with. It started to feel like maybe I was finally narrowing down my list to a more manageable number. Cory just became another ghost in an endlessly expanding graveyard--and this bachelorette doesn’t have roses for graves. 

[balrogbussy]

Lost and Found - 8

Cameron became one of the people I texted regularly. Things seemed to be going okay, but there was always something off about his schedule and whenever he wanted to hang out there was always some half-assed excuse as to why he wasn’t available. It didn’t bother me that much. The feelings I had for Cameron weren’t strong, he was just a good shag and attractive. The change in pace did intrigue me however because I’m super nosey and the Nancy Drew of Tinder. I reverse stalked Cameron from Tinder and found out he was in an open relationship with a boy... well, it was open for Cameron. I don’t think his boy knew Cameron was sleeping around behind his back. Instant turn off. There was no way I was going to be a part of Cameron’s adulterous relationship and it made me extremely pissed off at him. I hate gays like him. Stop cheating you sloppabottomus!  I instantly unmatched and ceased all contact and turned my focus onto another boy I had been regularly texting--Drew. Drew was just as cute but he kinda looked like a kid I knew in college so it was a little weird at first but he was super chill and wasn’t super forward or sexual--which is what made me initially interested in talking to him--I mean there’s only so much sleeping around someone can do before they start to get exhausted. Literally, how many times a day can a guy be asked “how big that dick is” and what it’s “gonna do to dat ass” before they start to fucking autopilot.  Drew was sweet and had a decent job (something important to me after being with Gerard)--but as a result his hours were absolutely fucked. Texting Drew was a chore, but he seemed cool--despite his obvious affinity for the fucking MCU--I would much rather get cataracts in both eyes or be Cordelia in American Horror Story: Coven and get acid thrown in my eyes. I never expected much from Drew, then one day he hit me up “Hey, I have the day off, want to go to the park?”... I was kinda shocked... for one, the weather had been absolutely diabolical, and for two, I didn’t think at the time he was actually that interested in me. I immediately said yes and we met at a giant park that I had been to several times before. I drive there and get there early. I see throngs of old people and their dogs walking by my car giving me the old white person head nod and each time I felt obligated to smile back and nod so they don’t think I’m a serial killer. After what felt like fucking ten years Drew shows up. I exit my car and we hug. He has a longboard with him... I spend a good few minutes focusing on the longboard, simply because I’m just fucking confused... this park is all dirt trails, where the fuck are you going to roll around girl? I mention to him that a longboard might not be the best idea here and he was like “Oh really? Damn.” Really, Queen?. Drew said he had been to this park before, which he obviously hadn’t. At any rate, we start to walk around the long ass path of this giant park and I start to tell him how I came to this park forever ago when I was studying Geology and began to explain each of the unique geological features. Boring right? But Drew kept giggling and saying “You’re such a nerd! That’s hot”. It started to get dark and I was getting tired--I had just got new boots and the fuckers were eating away at my ankles so I told Drew we had better head back. I passively asked what he was up to that night, meant more of a friendly inquiry than an invitation as Drew wasn’t giving me “FUCK ME” signals. Drew said that he was still living at home and that his parents were maybe going to go out to a movie later, and if they did, that I should come over. Okay, I’m game. I get to my car and hug Drew goodbye but he turns it quickly into a make-out session. An older couple and their little shitty yip dog walked passed us making-out and I can only assume their Christian glare was burning into our skin, but Drew was a fucking amazing kisser and he had a tongue ring that felt really hot. We finally parted ways and I began my drive home. It was a bit of a trek so by the time I get home and check my messages (don’t fucking text and drive you gays) Drew had texted me and said that his parents had decided to go to dinner and a movie and wouldn’t be back for a long time. I instantly go upstairs and shower, grab my condoms and get back into my car to head to Drew’s using my trusty iphone gps. Honestly, at this point, I feel like every time I type a new address into my phone Siri (who I have on the British Male) just rolls his eyes and slut shames me like an angry Alfred-like butler, but hey-ho. I get there and Drew answers the door in a tank and basketball shorts. He looked so cute and his emo hair and pale skin was making my former emo kid self super horny. Needless to say, I was really into him in that moment. He leads me to his room and I take off my coat and settle into his bed next to him. We watch a few episodes of Forensic Files (because we’re both fucked up and love true crime) before we start making out again. I loved kissing Drew, I would have been happy just kissing him. But then he headed down and undid my belt, unzipped my pants, and pulled them all the way to my ankle (which was raw and bleeding due to my new boots). Drew started to suck me off to get me hard. Honestly, it felt fucked up with that tongue ring. However, he was cute and kept dirty talking so I got into it. When he pulled my pants down, the condom in my pocket had slipped out onto his floor. He noticed it but kept sucking away at my dick. After about 5 minutes of sucking he bent down and picked up the condom. He opened it with his teeth which I’d only ever seen in pornos, and I thought it was pretty hot the way he did it. He slipped the condom on my dick and sat right on top of it (after applying lube of course). He rode the shit out of me for a few minutes, taking my dick like a champ before asking to be fucked doggy. I turned him over, still inside and fucked him hard. He screamed with pleasure as we both got close. I pulled out and he turned onto his back--letting me cum all over him--he came soon after. After we caught our breath... things became... confused. Drew’s face became perplexed. “You wore a condom right?” I paused... I’m thinking... yeah no shit, you put it on me... but then again, when I pulled out I don’t remember ripping one off. I was so in the moment... “Fuck, it must have fallen off” I tell him. Drew and I then begin looking around his room like an episode of fucking blues clues following lube trails trying to find this elusive condom. Nowhere to be seen. Finally Drew perks up... “Wait...” drew leaves his room. I’m a little confused but after a minute I get it... I hear a toilet flush and shortly after Drew comes back into his room. “Found it.” Be both start laughing hysterically and lay down on his bed. “Never lost a condom in my ass before. That’s new” Drew said as he wiped away tears from laughter. Honestly, I was right there with him. I reassured him it was far from the weirdest or grossest thing thats ever happened to me during sex and gave him a kiss. We cleaned up a little bit and cuddled for a little bit before Drew got a text from his parents saying they were on their way home. I decided to head out, as Drew had plans with his friends the following day and I wanted him to get some rest. His god awful work schedule made me really feel for him and I felt like he deserved a good nights sleep rather than have me hanging around. He walked me to my car holding my hand like a real cutie and we kissed and hugged goodbye. As I got into the car and began my drive home I started to realize just how taxing this whole hoe thing was becoming on me. I had a come-to-Jesus moment where I realized that I was getting sick of just getting off and wanted to find someone to hang out with more regularly on an emotional level. I knew Drew definitely wasn’t that guy, so I decided to send him a nice somewhat farewell text when I got home. He understood and we decided to still be friends. It’s been quite a few weeks since that hookup and Drew and I have lost contact, but he’s a good guy, and I don’t doubt he’ll find the right one for him, just as I know I’ll find the right one for me. Not every X marks the spot, if that were true, the History Channel wouldn’t still be milking Oak Island. 

[balrogbussy]

Flavor Town - 7

I was starting to get disillusioned with grindr. Every god damn day it was the same 3 people and painfully boring conversations. I decided I had to roll the dice and get my tinder back to gold status. I started furiously swiping left and right looking for someone I could hang out with... yes, just hang out. The nice thing about tinder gold is that it shows you who swiped on you. After a couple of hours with my profile on boost and little to nothing coming from the new matches I looked at the people who swiped on me. There were a lot of profiles that looked alright, but Cameron stuck out. I quickly swiped right to confirm the match. BAM. This boy hit up my phone instantly. “Okay... work.” I say to myself as we begin our conversation. Cameron was really cute. He was a short thin latino boy with really good eyebrows and his hair made me wet just looking at it. I was playing it conservative at first, I didn’t want to scare this one away. Soon, a couple of the conversations turned a little dirty--not intentionally. I was talking about cooking for my family and I was cooking steak and he just blurted out “I LOVE MEAT”. Obviously the cheap innuendos followed. We were talking about going to see a movie and I really wanted to see the second Strangers movie, but Cameron said he was “too pussy”. I said that I’d be there so he could hide in my shoulder and he said “the sound is what freaks me out the most”... that’s when I ghosted him for the night. I threw Cameron a line and he just let that fucker sink. While I left Cameron sleeping among the rest of the fishes I found a few more hopefuls that I kept regularly talking to. I felt like I was finally beginning to mellow out and take casual dating seriously, when literally two of the guys (besides Cory) dropped the “B” word...  They started fucking calling me baby... Who the fuck is baby? I ain’t yo baby, I’m no one’s baby. It was starting to suffocate me. There was no way in hell I was ready or looking for a relationship, so the idea of having a pet name with some dudes I barely knew sent off alarm bells in my head. Who the fuck starts using pet names so soon? I know gay men move fast, but I half expected to walk outside and see one of them waiting with a suitcase on my door step waiting to move in. I turned my phone on do not disturb and passed out. The next morning most of the messages I had were from Cameron. I rolled my eyes and started to read them. He was attempting to redeem himself after failing flirting 101 and I found it pretty cute. He asked me what my plans were for the night and I said that I had none, other than just cook myself dinner. Cameron got excited “I LOVE cooking”. I decided to pull the trigger. “We can go get some groceries and cook together tonight if you want?” I honestly didn’t expect Cameron to agree but he did. I showered and got ready--probably looking a little too posh for grocery shopping and met Cameron at the grocery store next to one of the local Universities. He smiled and hugged me and he was totally adorable... only, he was wearing the SAME cologne Gerard always wore. I was fully triggered. If I never have to smell Bleu de Chanel again, my fucking life will be complete. We pick up some veggies and walked around the store not standing too close to one another as it was a little awkward at first. I asked what he wanted and he replied with “Meat” I laughed and asked if he wanted mine or something specific. He kind of blushed and said he wanted steak. Honestly the idea of eating steak a second night in a row made me wish I had just laid down in traffic. Being the polite gentleman I am, I ask what he had in mind. He mentioned he loved getting a parmesan steak with garlic shrimp at Applebees. No worries, we grab all the stuff and head to the checkout. Cameron started winning points here. He split the bill with me 50/50 and I started to think that maybe he would be a good match after all. I was getting desperately sick of giving twinks handouts like I was fucking Daddy Warbucks and every skinny little gay boy was Annie. We exit the store and I follow Cameron back to his house. We immediately get to the kitchen and I start prepping and getting everything ready. It started to become abundantly clear to me that Cameron actually didn’t cook much, as he had little to nothing to cook with. “Fun! It’ll be like camping!” I say with a grain of shade. I have to explain this, when I’m looking for a potential friend, I’m looking for someone who can take the shade and deal it back just as good. Cameron didn’t disappoint. “Shut up, cunt!” he said laughing. As I started cooking Cameron got out a bottle of wine... it was a moscato. Now, not to be snobbish, but I was educated in food and wine so the idea of pairing a moscato with steak sounded about as good as douching with taco bell hot sauce. I politely tried to explain to Cameron that a red would be better and then started to explain why. He nodded and went back to his pantry and got out a bottle of red. I apologized for being so pushy about the pairing and he just replied with “No, I think it’s hot.” I smiled and returned to my pan. Things were starting to come together and Cameron and I got to know each other pretty decently. He seemed like he would make a good friend I thought to myself, but he was also starting to put the moves on me with each sip of his glass of red wine. The food is almost ready and at this point I’m sweating my ass off getting everything ready. I was so focused on making everything perfect that I hadn’t noticed how seductively Cameron was staring at me. I’ll admit in that moment I thought “Fuck he’s hot”. I plated our food and we started to eat. I had a couple sips of the red wine he got out and it was feral. It tasted like coffee grains and toe jam. Halfway through, Cameron started to get a little tipsy, and he made a bit of a quick move and knocked his plate on the ground. It shattered into several pieces and his steak was just half eaten on the ground. I made a joke and said “If you didn’t want to eat it, you could have just told me.” Cameron got flustered and I don’t think he knew I was kidding. He reached down and picked up the steak from the floor and started munching on it. “Five second rule” he said... I laughed but cringed at the same time. Then again, it was his house, so he had a better idea of how clean his floors were than I did. After we cleaned up the broken plate and did the dishes we broke into the moscato and kept talking some more. Because I thought we would be friends I started to talk about Gerard and that whole situation. The wine we kept downing didn’t help. Cameron was extremely sympathetic and kept rubbing my leg as we sat side by side on the couch. He kept saying “Aweee booboo... what a cunt. His loss, you’re amazing.”  He made me feel really good with his reassurances. It was starting to get late and I wasn’t really in a state to drive so Cameron said I could stay the night. I agreed and asked if I could shower real quick--I was feeling musty after busting my ass in the kitchen. He showed me where his bathroom was and gave me a towel. I quickly showered and got dressed and came back out to join him on the couch. He said he was going to shower too and I paid no attention to it. I just thought we were starting to wind down and get ready to watch something on tv and fall asleep. I chill on my phone texting away and heard the door to Cameron’s bathroom open. I look up and Cameron exits the bathroom totally naked. He gives me a smirk and beckons me to follow him to his bedroom. At first I sat there for a few minutes shocked... was he kidding? I’ve had suggestive and playful friends before. I sat there for thirty seconds then decided to get up and follow him, he looked damn fine with his wet tanned skin and messy dark hair. Once in his room I got an even better look at him. He was insanely attractive, there was no way I was going to be able to resist him. We started to make out and he started to undress me. He got down on his knees and undid my belt, whipping my dick out. I was already hard and he started to give me head. He was deep throating the shit out of it, making a couple gag noises here and there but it was still hot. After a few minutes he went over and laid down on his bed and raised his ass in the air. OH. He wanted me eat his ass... I had only ate ass once before and that was right after Gerard showered. Since I knew Cameron had just showered I figured he was probably all clean so I didn’t hesitate. I played around with my tongue sticking it in and out and Cameron moaned with pleasure. It wasn’t bad at all, he was totally clean and if anything he tasted a little soapy. He then laid on his back and reached into his bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube and some condoms. “We probably shouldn’t do this since I haven’t prepared but honestly I just want you inside of me.” Cameron was slapping his hole and moaning. Thinking back it’s kind of funny but at the time it really turned me on. I put the condom on and entered him slowly--he was pretty tight. I started off gently as we kissed and I once I was sure he was comfortable I worked up into a faster pace. Soon his bed was smacking against the wall and we were enjoying ourselves. Cameron was moaning “Fuck.... yeah daddy.... daaadddyyy” ... I kind of hated it. I don’t like being called daddy to be honest, but I found his moaning incredibly hot. Cameron started shaking and I knew he was close. He hadn’t touched his dick the entire time and he kept asking me if I was close. Once I told him I was, he started to jerk off and came in no time. I came shortly after and laid down next to him after. We were both a little out of breath. He reached over and took the condom off of my dick and held it up to the light. “Oh good, I didn’t paint you” I laughed my ass off. We both went back into the shower to rinse off and headed back to his room to cuddle. He was out in no time. I wish I could say the same for me. Cameron snored SO fucking loud that I’m sure even the fucking ghosts in Pompeii thought the volcano was gonna burst again. I mean, I could fucking feel his whole bed vibrating. I slept like shit. As soon as the sun came up I woke up him gently and told him I had to get going. I didn’t want to leave in the middle of the night or when he was asleep. We gave each other a little kiss and I headed out the door. On my way home something in me kept questioning if I could or had developed some feelings for Cameron even if they were small or beginning to blossom. He was really kind, and super attractive... but was I ready to put that kind of foot forward? I had so much on my mind. I had all these cute, kind men fawning over me and treating me so well, even through menial conversation and hookups. I was never treated like this with Gerard. I felt like the fucking Bachelorette or Tiffany Pollard in I Love New York when she stares at her wall of men and starts to ponder which one she’s going to have to choose to eliminate. Maybe it’s selfish, but I didn’t want to have to eliminate any of the guys I was talking to. I was really enjoying getting to know some of them. Maybe eventually one of them will start to look like a front runner, but for now, everyone gets a rose. 

[balrogbussy]

Bruised Banana - 6

The next day after Brad I got my usual text from Cory... “Penis” is all he said. Normally I just reply with haha but this time I was feeling kinda frisky. I replied with “tonight?”. Cory clearly wasn’t expecting that and the little ellipsis indicating he was typing kept appearing and disappearing. Finally he replied with “Sure, we can meet at the club”. Of course he wanted to fucking meet there, but what was I gonna do? I agreed and took a nap. When I woke up I showered, got ready, and ordered an uber to take me to the club. I got there and remembered why I stopped going there to begin with. Drunk gays sloppily falling around the dance floor rubbing all over each other in the middle of plain sight--PDA is not something I’m in to. I eventually find Cory and he plants a kiss on me. Tequila washed over my lips as usual. We hang out for a while and talk off to the side about random shit, kissing every now and then just to change stuff up or when I gave up trying to understand what he was saying under the blare of Ariana Grande. By this point I’m starting to feel the alcohol too and the kisses get a little heavier. Next thing I know Cory shoves his hands down my pants while we’re in the middle of the club. I quickly tell him off but he just whines and keeps going. Once it became clear he was never going to get me hard in the middle of public he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. Obviously. Although I hated the fact that he was basically jacking me off in public, I was incredibly horny. I order us an uber and we wait outside for it to come. It comes and we sit as far away from one another in the car as possible, texting one another rather than speaking in front of the driver. Probably for the best. Cory was sending me some seriously dirty shit (very on brand for him) and I would have been horrified if his drunk ass had said anything remotely like that out loud. The uber pulls up to his place and we exit and head inside to Cory’s room. He puts the TV on and keeps the lights off. We lay next to each other and make out for a while. Cory then tells me to wait and that he was going to go shower. I knew he was escaping to douche so I just sat on my phone while I waited. After about 45 minutes I was starting to feel tired and knew that if he was going through the effort to douche, then he’d wake me up when he was ready so I set an alarm (just in case) and dozed off. I’m not sure how long I was out for, but I woke up to Cory sucking me off. I always forget how good he is and could literally never get sick of him giving me head. After he got me well and hard he climbed on top of me and slowly sat down on top of my dick. He let out a loud moan as he went all the down to the base of the shaft. He started off slow, then instantly went into a fast pace bounce up and down on my dick. It felt amazing and I didn’t want it to end. He came while he was still riding me and I came shortly after. He let me go soft inside of him before he climbed off as we made out and he licked his own cum off my chest. He laid down next to me for a minute and I got up to go shower. While I was showering and cleaning off I noticed I felt a pain in my dick. Cory had literally rode the shit out of it so much it was bruised a little bit. Fuck. I dried off and went back into Cory’s room. He was drinking again and really wanted to go for a round two. I probably would have agreed if he hadn’t beat the shit out of my dick. I said I needed a little rest before going for a round two. I soon fell back asleep to some shitty thing he had on tv and slept through the night. I woke up the next day slightly hungover so I could only imagine Cory was feeling worse. I said I was going to order an uber back home and get some rest. He nodded and rested his head on my chest. After a few minutes he worked his way down towards my dick and started to suck me off before I left. I came and he swallowed all of it as usual, I’d never been with someone who liked cum as much as he did. The uber arrived and we hugged as I did my walk of shame down his driveway to the uber. On the way home Cory sent me a rather alarming text. “When are you gonna make me bae”... yikes. He knows I had recently got out of a relationship with Gerard and was looking for anything but a “bae” at the moment. I chose to ignore the question. That was definitely a conversation for a later day. 

[balrogbussy]

Weed Whacker - 5

After the oddness of Jeff I was looking for something a little more chilled. The weekend was quickly approaching and I had matched with a kid on tinder who went the the university I graduated from. He was twenty, and after Gerard (who was also twenty) I promised myself I would never date anyone under 21 again... but having sex isn’t dating, so I said fuck it. Besides, Brad and I had some mutual friends and I desperately needed a little return to normalcy. It was Friday and Brad was done with classes so he shoots me a “wyd”. I was free so I drove over to his apartment. I hadn’t even been out of college that long but I instantly felt old. The state of the apartment made me cringe and the whole place stank of weed. We hung out for a little bit and he smoked a bowl while he talked about his day. I just sat there with my nicotine vape nodding along to whatever bullshit he wanted to talk about. After that bowl he was exaggerating hunger so we went to chipotle. I wasn’t hungry and was feeling kind of nauseous after sitting in that stale weed air, so I only ordered some chips. Then an awkward moment happened when the cashier asked me if I wanted anything else... normal enough but he had a wonky eye so I thought he was talking to the girl next to me. Finally he said “Sorry, Chief I’m talking to you.”  Brad’s high ass started laughing and I ignored him and pretended like I didn’t know him. I quickly paid the man and shuffled my ass out of chipotle as fast as I could. As soon as we get out of chipotle I gave him a little kick and scolded him as we laughed our way back to his car. We get back to his rotting apartment and ate, he had a huge ass burrito so I knew there was no way he was going to bottom. Once he was done we laid on his bed and watched a movie on netflix that I thought he would like (its gay and trippy). Finally he looks at me and goes “Can you bottom?” I was taken aback... this kid was very gay and incredibly femme. I hate stereotypes but he just really didn’t strike me as a top--not to mention through our mutual friends I knew he was a bottom. I just shook my head and said that I couldn’t tonight. After that awkward moment we shared a bowl and watched the movie. Halfway through our hands touched. He retracted his hand away and was playing hard to get. After the movie ended and we literally didn’t so much as kiss, my high ass just came out with it. “Are we gonna fuck around or what?”  He giggled to himself and whipped his dick out. His dick was about the same size as mine but was really veiny to the point where it looked like a hentai dick. I gave him head for a little bit and he finally returned the favor. Maybe because I was high it felt better than it probably was but we sucked each other off until we both came. By that point it was getting late so we decided to call it a night. As I was sleeping next to him I kept feeling his bed shake. The first time I looked over and realized he was just shaking in his sleep. Kind of weird and a bit sketch but I rolled over and tried to ignore it. The second time I woke up it felt like an earthquake was shaking his bed. I turn over and he looks totally out of it, beating the fuck out of his meat. It was kind of creepy but I reached over and gave him a hand. After he came I expected he’d reciprocate in some way but he just said “thanks” and went back to bed. At this point I was no longer high enough to put up with this little shit anymore. So I waited for him to pass back out and I silently made my escape. He texted me the next morning and I made up some dumb excuse as to why I had to bail out early. After a brief moment of reflection, it dawned on me... twenty year olds suck. They just don’t have their shit together at all. Brad was no different than Gerard. That sugar daddy who messaged me on hornet was starting to look more and more attractive with each twenty year old that left me with blue balls. 

[balrogbussy]

Trouble, A Foot - 4

A couple of days had passed since I had hooked up with Ian and I was feeling a little cooped up. I quickly opened up grindr and waited for the messages to start coming in. The usual droll of horny creeps who wanted to suck some dick and get high were interspersed with a couple of hopefuls. Let’s call this one Jeff--and for all I know, his name could be Jeff I literally haven’t a fuckin clue. Jeff was a blank profile, but his first messages were him sending me pics of his face. We exchanged a couple of pleasantries and I found out he travels a lot for work and didn’t want his co-workers to possibly find out he was gay/on grindr. No big deal to me. He gave me his number and I sent him a couple of short hello texts. He sent me what hotel he was staying at by the airport and told me I should come over--he would be leaving the next day. Now, look, he was cute and I was horny so I was game. He did warn me though that he had a bit of a kink and that he hoped I wouldn’t mind going along with it--and he promised to get me off in any way I needed. I just simply messaged “as long as it doesn’t involve piss or shit I’m game”. I drive to his hotel and he’s outside smoking. We stand out and share a cigarette in the cold before he invites me into his hotel room. It was late but there was still someone at the front desk, this bitch knew what was about to go down and she gave me one hell of a look. I didn’t care, I smiled back at her like the bitch I am and kept walking with Jeff to his room. Once in his room he undresses quickly. “Damn, okay” I say as I do the same. What happens next... I’m not sure I fully understand... but Jeff laid down on the ground flat like a plank next to the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I want you to step on me” ... it took me a moment to process “you want me to what?”... He repeated his request. Now I’m a pretty big dude, I’m just over six feet tall and broad as a bed-stand and Jeff was five nine on his best day and probably a hundred and fifteen pounds soaking wet. I warned him and took my first step. “OW FUCK. okay” he said as I laughed and sat down on the bed. I could tell he really had a foot thing as his eyes never once looked at my dick. He was fixated on only my feet and just wanted my feet on him. So I sat on the bed with my feet resting on his chest as if he was a floor mat and not even there. He loved my feet on top of him and he was jerking off like crazy. “I’ll try to be quick, then it can be your turn.” I pretended not to be bothered as I’m sitting there with my flaccid dick hanging out wondering what the fuck I had gotten myself into. At some point he grabbed my foot and put it on his face, he asked me to “grind his face into the carpet”. The last place I would want my face is being ground into a hotel carpet, but I aim to please. I gently ground his face into the carpet and he was drooling all over my foot. It was so fucking strange to see this little dude writhing in ecstasy over my foot on his face. After thirty or so short seconds of that, he blew his load all over my other foot. He was panting and moaning and started rubbing his cum into my foot. At this point I was ready to leave but I came for some ass and I was going to be god damned if I had to suffer through this weird shit and not get any. He finally stood up and said “Whatever you want”.  I made him give me head a little bit to get my mind off of what the fuck just happened. Once I was hard I got a condom out and turned him around. I slipped right in, Jeff got around. “Go as hard as you want”. Okay, Jeff. I fucked the shit out him, pounding him hard against the hotel wall. He was reaching for anything in vain to grip onto. Feeling a little bad I threw him down on the bed and finished fucking him while he was half down on the bed. There was no way I was going to go easy on him after he rubbed his cum into my foot like it was gold bond. As I got closer to climaxing I fucked him harder and harder until he started ripping the sheets off the bed. Once I got close I pulled out and ripped the condom off, blasting my load all over his back. I was exhausted, I hadn't fucked that hard in a long time. He got up, legs shaky and we kissed. We then showered together and I said my farewells. As I was exiting I looked back and we really kinda made a mess of that hotel room. I exited the hotel, walking right passed the same bitch as before, but this time I didn’t make eye contact, I didn’t want her to see the look on my face. I got to my car and started the engine. I stepped out and had a cigarette replaying everything that just happened in my brain. I started cackling and choked on some smoke and dropped the cigarette. I didn’t care, I was just totally shocked. I got into the car and headed home, laughing to myself through several stages of the drive. I think Jeff was definitely the weirdest person I’ve ever been with, but at least he was kind. As I write this I’m sure Jeff is out there now at a different hotel wrapping up some other poor horny soul into his fantasy of being a doormat. God speed, Jeff. 

[balrogbussy]

Dog Pound - 3

After the whole Kody situation I was ready for a change of pace. Maybe a little less getting to know the guys and a little more sleaze. I was getting exhausted keeping track of the lives of several men at once and all their lives started to blend together. I could no longer remember who worked in finance and who was studying physics. Was it Mark? Thomas? Steve? I couldn’t be bothered. In comes Ian. Ian messaged me while Kody was creeping me out and our first conversation was me giving Ian a play-by-play of the whole situation. Ian was with it. He was cool, funny, and understood exactly what the situation was. I mean, we started talking on grindr, there’s really not a lot of guesswork there. We added each other on snapchat and he started sending me snaps of a dog… then another dog… then another... Now, I am not a fucking dog person, but I wanted some dick so I couldn’t let him know that. I just kept saying “CUTE!” and going back to my day. Finally, later that night he sent me a picture of him in bed. He was shirtless and his boxers were hanging low. His face was mostly obscured and based off of our conversations I felt like he was one of those DL masc gays. He was shy to warm up but eventually he sent me some nudes. His dick was fucking huge. It was easily the biggest I had seen on someone I knew outside of porn. I was amazed. The sexting kept progressing and eventually the conversation turned to “you should come over so we can fuck like rabbits” now, because of grindr I saw that he was a top. I replied with “I’m not much of a bottom” basically saying I don’t really do it. He replied with “neither am I, but it’d be fun to figure out together” NOW I was fucking hard. The idea of flip fucking with Ian sounded so hot to me that I had to set up a hook up date. We decided on later that week. I had 2 days to prepare. Now, I’m an incredibly shy and easily embarrassed person, it’s hard enough for me to buy condoms and I usually bury them under my bags of lettuce. So the idea of buying an enema terrified me. So what was a girl like me to do? I was gonna be god damned if sex with Ian was going to be like sex with Gerard. Having gone through it myself there was no way I’d want to put someone else through that. So I amazon primed a douche to my house and it came the next day. It was nearing the night I was supposed to meet up with Ian so I ate almost nothing all day and showered/douched properly before heading over. But I was nervous. I’d never really bottomed before. I bottomed for Gerard once when we were both drunk but Gerard’s dick was so small it felt like nothing. I have a prostate massager but it’s not massive, not compared to what Ian was packing. I get there and was nervous as fuck. As I step out of the car I hear dogs barking. FUCK. I forgot Ian had practically an entire Iditarod team of fucking dogs. He opened the door with a smile and we hugged. His dogs were jumping all over me and I had to pretend like I enjoyed their company. Meanwhile my fucking legs are getting scratched to hell and my allergic ass is starting to itch, burn, and swell. Ian leads me to his room and his roommate steps out of the bathroom across from his room. This guy was serving duck dynasty realness and gave me weird vibes. I had that moment of thinking I just got baited into being murdered but Ian seemed friendly enough, and if it came to blows I could probably hold my own against him. Luckily there was no need to worry, he was a sweetheart. We lay on his bed and watch tv for a bit. It was uncomfortably hot in his room. He had the heat up so high it was like a fucking Turkish bath in there. We stripped down to our underwear and he cracked a window. That’s when he saw my legs. He felt so bad that his dogs had fucked my legs up that he said he’d give me a massage. He rubbed my back for a while before he got bored and laid next to me. We then started to cuddle and I was the big spoon. Not long after he reached back and started playing with my dick. I returned the favor and started playing with his too. We started making out rubbing our dicks together and his was definitely much bigger than mine and way bigger in person than it appeared to be on camera. This dude was easily packing nine fat inches. I started to give him head but he kept pushing my head down on it and making me gag. He must have found the sounds of me about to barf pretty arousing because he kept doing it over and over. Finally he relented and crawled on top of me so we could 69. It felt great and Ian was great at giving head but with his dick down my throat and his body over me it was pretty hard to fucking breathe. After a few minutes he laid on his back and threw a condom at me and just said “go slow” I put the condom on and grabbed his bottle of lube, starting off by fingering him gently. He quickly got into and I was able to tease him slowly by putting just the head of my dick in and back out. Each time he was ready for me to go a little deeper until finally he was taking all of me. I went very slow and we kissed as I fucked him gently. He was so tight it felt incredible. After a few minutes he had had enough and it was my turn. It took forever for him to get even a little of his dick in me. He was fucking huge and I was tight as fuck. He managed to get half of him in me and it hurt so fucking bad I wanted to die. I imagined this was probably what being fucked by a cucumber felt like. Slowly it started to hurt less and I was able to enjoy it a little. He was gentle and never forced the whole thing in, thank god. Finally we went back to 69’n until he came on my chin and neck. I got up to clean myself up when he got down on his knees and sucked me until I came. He swallowed all of it. “That was hot” was all he could manage to say. I agreed. I cleaned myself off a little more and got dressed. He said I could stay the night but he lived so close I just wanted to sleep in my own bed. I exited the house passed his fucking army of mutts and got into my car. I drove very slow that way home knowing full well any bump in the road would probably send my ass into a pain coma. Once I showered, I hopped into bed and realized that I had finally done it. I had finally earned my wings. I was a slut. I went over to a strangers house and we fucked each other and I liked it. Would I ever see him again? Who knows, that no longer bothered me. All I knew is that I was finally becoming comfortable with my body and sexuality. It was like with each hookup I was absorbing confidence and was becoming a stronger and more powerful skank. With a smile on my face, I hopped back on my apps and browsed for my next meal.

[balrogbussy]

Water is Wet - 2

After the hookup with Cory, I had kind of a bad taste in my mouth. Was it the tequila or was I really just not ready to be a slut? I decided to take the next one slower. I matched with this guy, we’ll call him Kody. Kody was a lot closer location wise, and his tinder profile made him seem sweet. There was an air of mystery around Kody though. He had one of those profiles where the camera angle was always like some kind of pokemon snap paparazzi shot—I had no real idea what he looked like.  We matched and talked on the app but it wasn’t really going anywhere. Finally I sent him my number after a day or two so we could talk a little more frequently. We seemed to be interested in the same stuff and surprisingly enough he still played pokemon go. I mentioned this one spot not too far from either of us that had three pokestops right next to one another and it’s rather scenic so I recommended it to him. All he said was “water is wet”.  I know normally that means “no shit” but the way he said it didn’t really match the conversation… or anything really. I replied with the typical bullshit haha and kind of ignored it. We keep getting to know each other a little better and agreed to meet up. Again, when I asked if he’d like to meet up this mother fucker said “water is wet” like WE GET IT. It wasn’t funny the first time, bro. Normally I would have ended things there, but if I really wanted to get good at being a slut, it was better to just take the handout. We decided that the pokestop place would be kind of nice to go on a first date. I drive there and it’s pretty empty. It’s still winter so I expected as much. The parking area is kind of large and a short walk from where the actual spot is, so I expected to see a few cars at least. There was only one. I assumed it was his car, but I showed up at least 15 minutes early… I felt awkward now that if it was him I’d kept him waiting. I get out and stretch, getting my phone out after so I could walk over to the shoreline to act like I was taking a picture of the rough water. I was hoping that if it was him he’d recognize me and join me. He just kept staring. Now I was getting uncomfortable. Was my first random meet up with a guy really going to end up being one with the fucking zodiac killer? I started to walk back towards my car when I heard him exit his and call out to me. I turned around and acted all nice “Oh didn’t see you there!” incredibly awkward since there was literally only my car and his. As he walked closer to me I realized why his pictures were so obscured, he wasn’t the most attractive. I’m not very shallow so I thought, whatever he’s still probably nice. We sit and chat for a while on a bench overlooking the water where the pokespot was. It was getting colder and dark and so I started to hint that we either needed to go somewhere else or part ways. He got the hint and immediately hit his hand on my crotch to grab my junk, except he did it with such force he kind of gave me a ball tap and it hurt like fuck. I played it off as pleasure and we kissed. We walked back towards my car and we got into my back seat. I have a big car so I just put the seats down and we had plenty of room. We made out a little, feeling each other up and he reached in my pants and grabbed my dick. I wasn’t hard and he was a little upset about that, he was rock hard so he probably felt a little awkward. I diffused the situation and said something like “why don’t you make me hard” and he immediately started to give me head. It was fine at first but I was getting the occasional tooth scrape. The whole time he was giving me head he was jerking himself off furiously. I just tried to relax and enjoy the free head when before I knew it he came all over himself. He stopped giving me head and asked if he could still help me finish. Obviously. I made myself cum pretty quickly and I gave him some wipes to clean himself off. He got out of the car and we hugged and decided to part ways. The whole thing was just bizarre. The whole drive home he kept blowing my phone up asking when we could meet up again. I wasn’t at all interested in doing that again, so I kindly said that I was going to be busy and opened up my hoe apps again. Later that night on grindr I got a message from a torso. I normally don’t respond to people unless they have a face, but whatever, I decided to bite. The person went straight into sexting and I played along a little bit but was kind of not that interested—it was late and I was watching a really fucked up documentary that killed any chance of me getting a boner. He asked for a dick pic but I don’t have any on my phone, who am I? Jennifer Lawrence? I said he could add me on snap if he wanted, to which he replied “I already have you on snap” NOW. This is where I sit up in bed and horror music starts playing in my ears. It was like fuckin Scream and I was Drew Barrymore. My ass ran through the house making sure everything was locked before finally responding “you do?” after a few moments they finally replied with “is water wet? Duh I have you on snap ;P” fuck sake… it was Kody. I sent the haha’s and he was like “don’t you recognize my torso?” he was genuinely upset I didn’t recognize his body. At this point I realized I had to be frank or else he would likely never leave me alone. Finally I sent him “Kody, it was nice to hang out with you but I’m not really interested in taking our friendship any further” The best part was his response. He hit me with a “Whatever faggot” and blocked me. I cried I was laughing so hard. In the middle of my mania I got a message from Ian… And Ian was a horse of a whole different color.

[balrogbussy]

Preface - 1

I was never a slut. It was years before I even had the courage to admit I was gay and start messing around with other men. Sure I’d do the occasional snapchat jerk off session with a few people, but never anything in person. That was until I met my first serious boyfriend. For the sake of the story, we’ll call him Gerard. Gerard was well experienced. He boasted an impressive 100+ sexual partner count, something that initially turned me off--but It’s something I got over pretty quick. Anyway, Gerard was from a foreign country and we had met while I had used my tinder gold and passported to his country. I wanted to see if the men in said country were as hot as everyone had said. There were quite a few hot guys that I matched with, but they were all awful at conversation. Gerard seemed like a nice change of pace. We matched on 9/11 which should have been a red flag, but I was insanely attracted to him. After a few months of talking we decided to become exclusive. Not long after, I flew to him and stayed with him for a while and we decided that our relationship should move forward and we should move in with one another. Needless to say that fell through. After I returned home it wasn’t long after that Gerard broke things off. I was shattered. The first night I drank an entire bottle of gin and then crushed an 18 rack of beer. I wouldn’t recommend that whatsoever. Once the hangover wore off I ate most of a pizza and decided it was time to put myself back out there. I downloaded everything... Tinder, Grindr, Hornet, Jackd, etc. etc.  Part of me just needed to think that I could find someone if I put myself back out there--having previously resigned to the fact that I would never need to again after being with Gerard. The first 24hrs were fruitless. Once my status on facebook returned to single, all of the old “hoes” I was talking to (before Gerard) started messaging me in droves. Eventually I gave in and decided to meet up with one. We’ll call him Cory. Cory and I had been talking and somewhat exclusive several months prior and before I met Gerard. We had only ever fucked around on snapchat and never actually met in person. Because of this, I was a little nervous, but he was coming on so strong I figured there wasn’t much to be afraid of. Every five seconds he was texting me: Raw me, daddy. I want your hot load in me. fuck me so hard the neighbors hear me scream. It was a bit much and kind of off-putting, but after having such a bad break up with Gerard I needed to fuck SOMETHING. I put his address into my iphone and drove 40 miles to his house. Gays really will do anything for some dick. When I get there it was strange seeing him in person the first time. He was shorter than I expected, not that it bothered me as most people are shorter than me, but I thought it was kind of ironic how Cory always acted like such a tough guy when the reality is that he was like a little stocky Chihuahua. Immediately we went right to his room. I laid down on his bed while he stood and asked what I wanted to watch on TV. I didn’t care so he just put on Family Guy. Honestly, nothing is worse than Family Guy re-runs. I thought--Jesus Christ I better move fast or I’m actually going to have to watch this shit--but Cory was faster. He immediately climbed on top of me and we started to make out. His saliva was so strongly infused with tequila each kiss was like a shot. It wasn’t even dark out yet so he must have been drinking while he waited for me to get there. Rude that he never offered me anything, but whatever. After what felt like seven margaritas of making out with Cory, he unzipped my pants and started sucking me off. I immediately sat up. Gerard was horrible at giving head, but Cory... it was nothing I had ever experienced before. He took my whole cock in his mouth and let it get hard and grow down his throat. He sucked me off for a while before I had to stop him--I didn’t want to cum before I got the chance to fuck him. I took over and undressed him. I immediately started sucking him off for what felt like ages before he finally said “I never get off from head” ... would have been nice to know before I got TMJ, but it didn’t matter, I was just ready to fuck him. He handed me some lube and I fingered him for a while, slowly working up to three fingers. He moaned each time and was finally ready. I turned him over so that I didn’t have to kiss him anymore, I literally could not handle another tequila moment. I slowly entered Cory and he retracted a bit at my length but he knew what he was getting into, he’d seen my dick a million times on snapchat before. I did a couple of thrusts before he took over completely, pushing back and fucking himself on my dick. It was amazing. Cory went so furiously that I came in no time and so did he. Once he pulled himself off of me he licked what was left of my cum off of me and told me where the shower was. I went immediately to shower and realized that apart from lube and cum I was clean. This was new, Gerard was a sloppy bottom and never douched, so I thought that sex was usually just shitty and sloppy--so much so that I started to hate sex with Gerard just because of the clean up after... I literally had to shower twice and use a disinfectant wipe on my dick once just to get the smell of shit off, but I digress. After I cleaned up I returned to Cory’s room and he was passing out--the tequila was catching up with him. He asked if I was ready for round two and I said that I had to get going. He got a little pissed off but honestly I needed to get the fuck out of there, he was becoming a mess and I had shit to do at home. The whole 40 mile drive home I kept thinking about how unlike me that whole hookup was. I was never the type to have sex without being in a relationship first and the whole situation felt like an out of body experience. At first I felt guilty. Was it too soon to be acting like this after Gerard? After a few minutes of feeling guilty I realized I missed my exit... fuck. That added an extra ten miles to my drive. During that extra ten miles I realized that what had just happened with Cory wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. It was two adults who wanted to get off and did just that. I had never seen sex that way before. Was it always so easy to just find someone to mess around with whenever I got horny? While stopped at a red light I checked my dating apps and saw I had several messages. I guess it was always this easy, I was just never that easy before. Who knows if I would have thought this way if I hadn’t missed my exit and had those extra ten miles to reflect. Whatever the case, all I know is that I had several messages to answer and I was ready to start being the slut I was born to be.