baklavaconpistachio

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dude

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:)

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I made this a while ago. Riso printed

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from my old blog

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I feel euphoric today, overflowing with love and appreciation for no reason. I feel sexy and desirable. I feel very much like a heterosexual girl today also. Music sounds more emotionally profound. My body feels pliant & supple, colors are more vivid. Today when I got un café para llevar the barista despistada who usually forgets to cobrarme was sitting on the bench in the store with some customer, it looked like they were about to kiss for the first time. I got my coffee and outside I noticed someone graffitied a very small fly on a wall that I walk past almost every day. The owner of a bar nearby asked the street cleaner if he wanted a Coca Cola, he said bua si muchas gracias! The earth is spinning i feel like the girl in this picture

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shootington my shottington

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she orient on my object til i ontology

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does anyone else get goosebumps when they feel extreme cringe? for me there is something about sincerity that gives me goosebumps, sometimes it’s beautiful and not cringe at all, sometimes it elicits extreme secondhand embarrassment, and sometimes it’s just neutral

Examples of goosebump-eliciting scenarios:

non-cringe - Rosalia’s first album. Meteor showers

neutral - children singing in a choir. thom yorke dancing

Cringe - seeing somebody lie badly. Jack Johnson. Emily in paris

things that don’t make me feel goosebumps: Spiders, public transportation, ancient artifacts

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dreamt that I had spent the weekend with my brother and his friends in a cabin on some very tall mountain peak surrounded by roiling dark gray storm clouds. Then I biked on a small white fixed gear bike from there to New York City, where my friend ilya was having a small diy show on his porch-like balcony which overlooked a narrow pedestrianized street from the second floor. I was pleased to see that his apartment was messy and way less intimidating than I had imagined. The sky of New York was gray and roiling like in the mountaintops, but it never rained. We got to the show just as it was ending, and everyone was deciding what to do. I ended up in an asphyxiating group hug and my head was pressed up against my friend Carly’s boobs. Then everyone left to go get burritos and I said I would meet them there, on my bike. I saw that my friend Quim from Barcelona was also in New York at the same time. he had invited me to a blues cover night at a bar but I hadn’t responded at all. It seemed like the kind of thing que a Quim le haría gracia porque es algo que le parece quintessentially American pero a mi me daba palo y pereza. I sent him my location and said “we’re getting burritos” and he caught up with me on my bike.

the bike lanes in New York were narrow, unprotected, and treacherous. cars constantly swerved into them at high velocity. At one point, we reached a chick fil-a built right into the middle of the bike lane, with no option to go around it (that would lead to instant death via the merciless and constant traffic). There was a sign in the chick fil-a signature red font that said for bikers to use the tunnel under the restaurant. I stopped at the entrance and Quim went in first. The tunnel was extremely small (you had to crouch on your bike) and extremely steep (I saw quim ride down at about a 70 degree angle). I decided to get off my bike and slide down on my butt. Underground was a small parking garage. The bike lane continued up a path of stairs??? We scoffed with indignance- such disrespect for cyclists. Look at the tribulations we must endure to get to our destination. I went first this time, but the tunnel was so narrow and steep that I couldn’t even bend my knees in front of me- I didn’t fit. I had to crawl up the stairs with one hand in front of me and my other hand behind me dragging my now child-sized bicycle. Spelunking and suffocating. the tunnel was so narrow that it graced my back, my rib cage, and one mistake would leave me trapped, suffocating in this urine-scented parking garage tunnel forever.

I finally reached the exit and waited for Quim to come out. He was exhausted and bewildered. I told him: unfortunately that’s how it is en los Estados Unidos.

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Skimming my diary from 4 years ago looking for something specific and thinking wow, I had no idea that some of the seemingly most stupid and random thoughts that I would write down on a whim back then would be so interesting and funny to me today.

Glad to still be an idea thinker-ofer, let’s see when the fruits of today will be harvested

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Me talking to my crush: so have you heard about the Donner party

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i feel deeply intrigued, mystified, by certain shy people. i want to understand them. but their shyness blocks all understanding.

if i ever truly understood one of them, if one of them was revealed to me, i feel like this would make me (a talkative person), a colonizer.

by knowing them, they would fundamentally be changed, because they would no longer be unknowable

somewhat related, here is something liz harris (grouper) said in an interview:

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