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I miss the memories and man I had at the moment when we lived in Montana. I miss pub crawling, and blanket flats, the sexless sex. The adored connections. And just like thank you are a single mom who only gets weekend visitation. It’s breaking us. The weekends are so short and on Sunday pick up day we are attached to each others hips, they must shower with me, sleep with me, just to make sure they’re not missing out on me doing dishes or chores so I let that stuff go until they leave. But we are all distressed by 430 pickup on Saturdays. But I am free on this man physically, finally and I keep a gate between us for drop off pick up services. It’s time we embody peace, if anyone has any book recommendations on consciousness and higher power work, getting through narcissistic abuse, helping my children, anything pertaining to this paragraph, please recommend away!

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Biggest life change: I am crawling out of the rubbles of my ex husband I was with on and off for 8 years and have to coparent our girls until I can raise lawyer money. I went from the stay at home parent of 5-8 years following his military career. Our oldest daughter, Luna has cancer and he left me for another woman during this time. I was her home school teacher to keep her safe and then he and his girlfriend he’d been cheating on me with illegally abducted the kids while I was out at a doctor appointment and my roommate was watching them. I never even met her and she took my kids from their natural home of five years and stuffed them in her storage closet. I came home to find them gone and messages saying they won’t be back with me. The screams that interrupted my body, the neighbors, the cops, will never go away. The girls are in therapy because of him. I had no lawyer and his mommy paid for his so it cane down to money. The kids prefer to be with me and voice it all the time to me and their dad and he shrugs them off. My working theory is he doesn’t care about having them during the week, he just wants to continue controlling me like a puppet. I would appreciate any love and prayers of any sort and donations and sharing for our lawyer gofundme I will attach. The quicker the better. My lawyer will eat his for advising he abduct the kids on that technicality alone, so I’m confident I just need help raising the funds. Please share everything. https://gofund.me/15afcced

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Might get back to blogging. A lot of you have known Lenin the past as my birth name, Taryn Cox or Taryn Strickland. I came to self reflection and decide donated to be my most authentic self, illegally changed my name to Bowie Dove Rainwater. I also use Bae for short and am fine with either. Welcome back to my shit show. Hopefully I find friends and peace

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Something blue. Something ambiance.

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I could start fires with what I feel for you

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I’ve been starving myself for months and I’ve only lost 6 pounds..

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I think the insane amount of uproar over this overturn makes me uncomfortable. Even as I have shared things on RvW myself. It’s gross to see so many white women want to put on their pink hats and red cloaks and protest when it’s finally about them. When it finally has come to effect them. BIPOC have been warning y’all since forever though. CIShet able bodied white women are blindsided by a problem that has been right in front of you out in the open this entire time. The government has been controlling BIPOC and disabled bodies forever, but now that it effects you it’s time to stand? Y’all go so fucking unchecked and it’s a weird take. And if any of this offends you I encourage you to do some inner work and discover why that is. Read a book. Listen to BIPOC for once and go advocate within those groups. Voting blue isn’t activism. Yelling on social media isn’t activism. Because what I’m seeing is a fight between white people. White women vs white Christians. You all care about women’s bodies? Support trans women. Support MMIW. The third leading cause of death in inidigenous women is literally murder. Homicide. Why are there no red alarms going off? That’s is a bold and factual statement. See past yourselves. White women want to be so seen. Get in the back of the line.

I’m going to pin and reshare this as often as I need to. Not even on my own god damn personal page does my indigenous voice get acknowledged and heard so I’ll just keep doing it. I’ll also keep adding in some recourses and education below.

Book:

download and read a FREE copy of the ‘Black Reproductive Justice Policy Agenda’

‘Switch’ by chip Heath and Dan Heath.

‘Reproductive Justice: The Policies of Healthcare For Native American Women’ by Barbara Gurr

Social media: follow BIPOC people. Share their cries and information and injustices. Pay attention. Shut up, listen. I have loads of tiktok creators I can add and will be over time but some of my current favorites through this time are: @portia.noir , @disereebstephens , @crutches and spice , and The White Woman Whisperer.

Making this post public, go off. I encourage shares and to do the right thing.

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Current mood:

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I’m back. Just to rant and note to myself for a later date that I think I’m actually gay and I have sex and relationships with men as a form of self harm? More on this later. Such such confusing sexuality. Sigh.

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Bright Star (2009)

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 "I don’t believe in luck. I do believe we’ve known each other since forever, though.“