badussyussysstuff

[badussyussysstuff]

TATTED UP! Simon Riley who lets you turn him into a colouring book. He doesn’t care how you colour his tattoos, he just wants to see the scrunched up look of concentration on your cute face.

“What colour do you want?” You murmur as you glance at your numerous eyeshadow palettes. Simon wants to say black or grey but he sees the way you eye the pink palette for a moment too long.

“… Pink.” He finally answers, his gaze focused solely on your bright smile.

You find joy in colouring his arm with various shades of pink and purple as he watches. “Look, so cute.” You murmur, eliciting a low laugh from Simon.

“Yeah.” His voice rumbles, “You wanna colour the rest in?”

BONUS

“Aye, LT, you got your tattoo redone or what?” Jonny can barely hold back his laughter as he looks at Simon’s arm. The previously edgy tattoos were now adorned with feminine colours and glitter.

“No. Just making the misses happy.” Simon doesn’t really care for his teammates’ reactions because the memory of your smile is enough to block out Jonny’s cackles.

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Dick Grayson posting a profession editorial photoshoot pic of him on twitter w some lame caption saying 'cheers!' or whatever and Jason Todd on his secret hater account would go "rhinoplasty, lip filler, cheek implants, chin implant, jaw shave, brow bone reduction, buccal fat removal, botox and eye lift"

[badussyussysstuff]

i was reading a fic, and i had an angsty idea.

danny, working at WE. and something something concerns about him going rogue or keeping secrets, whatever. bruce, or various bats depending on where in time this is set, investigate and stuff, and meet danny A Lot in civilian personas. and dnany starts getting very paranoid and scared! until he has a full on breakdown. bat(s) don't realize how badly they are affecting danny until they get close to him again (mayhaps after determining he is fine and innocent and whatever) and he flinches. he sweats. he looks pale. he shakes. maybe a lil anxiety attack, as a treat.

and the bat(s) realize they done Fucked Up and made this innocent WE employee scared of them. not as the bats, but their civilian personas. they realize that was workplace harassment. and fuck why didn't they realize sooner?!

it's too late. the damage is done.

[badussyussysstuff]

(alt included)

Link to Video. (Please help Panda make money.)

Video description and transcript under the cut.

Description: TikTok video by The Panda Redd. Re-enactment of final scene of Under the Hood. All roles played by Panda (a tall, well-built young white man with a mohawk, wearing a grey hoodie). Setting is a dark basement lit only by a hanging light bulb.

Transcript.

Jason: (holding gun on Bruce) "Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me."

Batman: (glares silently)

Jason: "But why? Why on God's Earth—" (hits Joker across the face)

Joker (tied to a chair): *cackles*

Jason: "—is HE still alive??"

Joker: "AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

Batman:

Batman: "I'm sorry, d'you want me to be serious here or—?"

Jason: (in disbelief) "YES, Bruce! I want you to be serious right now! If he had done what he did to me to you, I would've done nothing but search the earth for this pile of death-worshiping garbage!"

Joker: "I love you too, Sugar Plum."

Batman: (holds hands up) "Okay, yeah, I get that, totally, I get that. Um. Have you tried?"

Jason: "Excuse you?"

Batman: "Have you tried to kill him yet?"

Jason: (to Joker) "Is he being serious?"

Joker: (also confused) "I'm gonna be honest with you, Junior. I don't know."

Jason: "Got it. Great." (turns back to Batman) "What the fuck does THAT mean?"

Batman: "Okay, so no, you haven't. Cool. Do it."

Jason:

Jason: (lowers gun) "What."

Batman: "Do it, cap his ass. Shoot him."

Joker: "I'm gonna go with Junior here, and say...what?"

Jason: "You want me to shoot him?"

Batman: "I want someone to shoot him! Give me the gun, I'll do it!"

Jason: (mutters, brain blue screening) "What is going on right now? This should a lot harder than it is."

Batman: "C'mon, son! You decapitated like eleven people three days ago! Fuckin' do it!"

Jason: "There, you happy? Jesus. Was that so hard? All of this time and it was THAT easy!"

Joker: (turns to Jason quizzically) "This has gotta be some sort of test, ri—"

(BANG! Jason fires. Joker lands on the floor lifeless, eyes still open.)

Batman: "I don't know what you're talking about "easy". There's nothing there." (nods at floor)

Jason: "What the fuck is that supposed to—" (looks down at floor where the Joker was lying)

Floor: (is devoid of Joker)

Jason: (stares)

Floor: (continues to be sans anything but carpet)

Jason: "What the fuck?"

Batman: "Yeah."

Jason: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Batman: "Take as long as you need with this."

Jason: (looking around frantically) "I just shot him! He hit the floor! What the f—"

Floor: (is just vibin')

Jason: "Where the fuck did he go??"

Batman: "See that shit? That shit right there happens every fucking time!"

Jason: "There's not even a blood stain! It's just gone!"

Batman: "Yeah, like two days after you died, I chased him into a helicopter where he got shot like six times. The helicopter exploded and crashed into the ocean. And his body was gone before Superman could find it."

Jason: "Oh my God. I don't understand how this is even fucking possible!"

Batman: "He's like a cryptid! I don't fucking get it!"

Joker: (disembodied laughter) "AHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!"

Jason: (freaked out, turning in circles trying to find him) "Oh my God!"

Batman: "THAT OMINOUS SHIT HAPPENS TOO! I DON'T KNOW, DUDE!"

Jason: "Dude. Fuck whatever's going on here, that's some fucking bullshit."

Batman: "Thank you! Finally someone gets it!"

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Toddler champion

What if Billy didn't become a champion of magic when he was 10, not when he was 8, but if he was 4 years old, almost immediately after his parents and sisters deaths and being kicked out from his uncles home

When he was walking around the streets wondering what to do he goes into the train station, and that's how he met the wizard

Now he's floating around, patroling Fawcett as happy as ever, just so excited

The justice league notices him about a month later, they see this giant man flying around, helping people and being excited about just everything

They noticed that his behavior doesn't fit his esteemed age, he acts more like a toddler

Untill one day they realise that he is a toddler, in an adult body but still

They send him an invitation to join them

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I cling to Marvel being eight foot tall more than I cling to my own real life morals. Let him be a freak guys please it’s so funny.

My idea of Captain Marvel is that he looks like C.C Batson- Duh -but in the way that Billy remembers him.

Obviously his fully human father wasn’t nearly nine feet tall and built like a truck, but when your four years old and three feet tall, your going to think that he is. Most toddlers believe that their parents are the best people in the world so of course Billy as Captain Marvel is going to look perfect. I also just fully believe that you can’t take photographs of him, camera just fully blurs his figure till all you can see is the lightning bolt, every picture drawn of him is always incorrect. Even the best painters manage to land in a weird uncanny valley with him.

Anyone who knew C.C Batson is probably long dead or just has to put up with the fact that there’s this guy wearing a wrong copy of their friends face. Sucks to be them ig

I also prefer it when the rest of the Shazamily look like kids, slightly aged up from their normal selves but still young. They all still have this weird perfectness to them that makes them not quite recognisable and they are all at like peak physical condition.

Also they’re all like 6-7 foot tall.

Just monsterously oversized teenagers. Fully proportionate, weirdly muscular, gigantic teenagers.

Gotta love em!

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I am very aware of FreeBat as a ship and do have to wonder how weird that looks in the universes Freddy doesn’t also age up a lot of years to match Billy looking like a grown/middle-aged man when Freddy looks like a 14 year old at worst and a young twenty-something adult at best.

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“But what if you hate it?”

“I can tell ya I wouldn’t, because it’d be yours.”

“Okay but what if you actually do really hate it, and you can’t tell me because you just said that?”

“Love, ya don’ have to do this. I didn’t wan’ this to stress ya-”

“No! No, Simon I want to do it. It’s such a sweet idea you had, I’ll do another one.” You finally decide, putting the pen back to paper, unable to bring yourself to actually draw.

“Could always take any o’ the ones from the bin.” He offers, nodding his head over towards the overflowing waste basket surrounded by crumbled up pieces of paper, evidence of your many previous attempts.

When SImon had brought up the idea of you drawing something for him to add to his sleeve to represent you, you’d jumped at the opportunity, loving the idea. However, you’d all too quickly discovered that you were having issues committing to the idea of what to draw, and Simon was refusing to offer any ideas, wanting the idea and design to be entirely yours.

Appropriate to his call sign, your first instinct had been to try drawing different versions of ghosts, but each one felt too cartoony, too childish, and you passed on that idea.

Then you thought you would draw your own little skull, something that could more easily be incorporated into the images and not be totally out of theme. But the next issue to come to light though, was when the connection between you brain and your hand apparently forgot entirely how to draw a skull, and you hated everything that came up on paper.

“S’that a lightbulb?” He’d asked at one point, and the skull idea was quickly out the window too.

From there, you were worried he wouldn’t like any of your drawings, as you couldn’t bring yourself to like any them either. You’d both agreed to put a pin in it for the time being, and as the weeks passed, you nearly forgot about his request.

That was until, he came home with a plastic wrapping around his forearm.

“You hurt?” You ask him, immediately spotting the darker bandages peeking out from the edges of his sleeve as he removes his jacket.

“Nah, just got somethin’ done.” He replies, sauntering over to you, slowly folding up his sleeve to reveal more of his pale skin.

“Huh?

Instead of answering, he carefully unravels the outer layer of bandages, before slowly peeling back the bandage to show you the skin underneath, an overly pleased grin stretching across his face, chuckle bursting through as your stunned gasp echoes through your shared flat.

Forever on his skin, Simon has tattooed something you’d drawn in the first birthday card you ever gave him. In your handwriting, he can always glance down at himself and see both your and his initial with a plus sign between them, surrounded by a little heart with an arrow going through it. When you’d drawn it for him, never in a million years had you thought he would be etching the corny doodle onto himself permanently, but now, that same doodle is his favourite thing to look at when away on deployment.

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Uniforms

Marvel, Junior, and Mary all have more militaryish uniforms. Usually, they’ll wear their normal hero fits, but occasionally they’ll show up dripped out in their more military-esque uniforms. These uniforms are normally reserved for really important occasions though. They’re too fancy for hero work in Billy’s opinions. The JL have only seen these uniforms a couple of times, such as the time Billy was overseeing something as the Champion of Magic, but got a notification on his comm. So, he wrapped up what he was doing super quickly, forgetting to magic himself into his normal hero costume.

After the emergency…

Flash: “Cap, I gotta say, I love the costume change.”

GL: “Yeah, it’s more captainy.”

Marvel: “Lantern, my name is Captain Marvel.”

GL: “Yeah, but you look like a military captain. You honest to god gave me flashbacks.”

Marvel: “My bad.” *has a little frown and magics the outfit to his normal hero costume*

GL: “I didn’t mean it in a bad way!”

Like I stated earlier, Mary and Junior have their own more military outfits. They look more like cadets though. Now, the JL has never seen them, but the Young Justice has seen Mary, and the Titans have seen Junior.

Beast Boy: “Dude, you look awesome!”

Junior: “I know.” *all smug in his cadet uniform*

Also, I think that Mary would be extremely meticulous when it comes to the uniforms.

Mary: “Billy, fix your collar.”

Marvel: *fixes collar*

Mary: *gives Billy a thumbs up* “Freddy, *looks Junior up and down* “Your fly is down.”

Junior: *looks down* “Wha- no it isn’t.”

Mary: “Ha! Made you look! But you do need to fix your sleeves.”

Junior: *grumbling under his breath*

Mary: “What was that?”

Junior: “Nothing.”

Batman eventually caught wind of this whether it be from Robin or from scouring the cameras from the emergency from earlier and seeing Marvel in the clothes. But the thing is, Bruce is confused as to why the Marvels have the uniforms, let alone need them in the first place. Marvel has never ever specified that he had any relation to the military before now. Could he have been in one of the branches at some point? If that’s the case, why do Mary and Junior have cadet uniforms? Are they dressing up just like their father to go along with his theme? Is he even their father? And if they’re not dressing up to go along with the theme, does that mean they’re child soldiers? Were they child soldiers? Is Batman overthinking this? Probably. Can he stop himself? No.

I can’t help but make Bruce spiral every now and then.

[badussyussysstuff]

Drugs

Marvel doesn’t like drugs. They’re like a plague. If you try even one you’ll get hooked and it’ll slowly destroy your life. That’s what an old homeless guy told Billy one time anyways. What Billy actually doesn’t like is how many of the homeless population have their hands on drugs. He’s literally grown up huddling around fires with these people. He’s doesn’t like to see them act like addicts. So, that’s why when he first became Captain Marvel, one of the first things he did was work his ass off to get drugs off the streets. Like actually. One of his first major things besides fighting his villains, was a big drug bust.

Drug Cook: *cooking*

Marvel: *leans against the table next to him*

Drug Cook: *doesn’t notice him*

Marvel: “Hey.” *picks up a chunk of meth and takes a nice big crunch out of it*

Drug Cook: *pauses at the crunch and slowly looks over to him*

Marvel: *knocks him out* “Geez, how do you just not notice that everyone around you is knocked out? Is making crystal that interesting?”

So you might be wondering, why did Billy just eat one of those? Truthfully, he himself doesn’t know either. Fear factor? Maybe. Honestly, he just did it because he could. It’s not like Marvel can be affected by drugs anyways. No like seriously, some guy once threw a kilo of crack at his face and it exploded. He was fine, but he did end up having to walk out of there looking like a crackwhore times ten.

Reporter: *runs over to him, holding mic to his face* “Captain Marvel- oh my god.”

Marvel: *entire upper body is covered in crack cocaine* “Miss, I gonna have to ask you to take a whole step back because every single individual little white speck of powder on me is crack so if you inhale this, you will be inhaling cocaine.”

Reporter: *shares a speechless look with the camera man and takes a couple steps back*

Assistant: *runs over using his shirt of cover his nose and mouth to give Marvel a mic so they can still conduct the interview*

Crack-Covered Marvel became a meme. Why? Because he looked like he literally wanted to be anywhere but there. He was also covered in cocaine so that too. Also, a lot of people were wondering how he went through the entire interview without tweaking in the slightest. This made the JL reconsider asking him to be a member.

Flash: “You don’t just take what looks like a kilo of cocaine to the face and shrug it off. What if he’s like that because he built up a tolerance??

Batman: “It’s been well established he isn’t a human being. Perhaps his species isn’t affected by the drug the game way humans are.”

Supes: “Do you think he might be Kryptonian?” *sounds excited*

[badussyussysstuff]

Can I Please be Your Friend?

Billy doesn’t have friends. Between being Marvel and working odd jobs, he hasn’t really had the time some. So when he got invited to join the newly formed Justice League. He was ecstatic! Sure, these people were at least a very minimum of 20 years older than him and sure they would probably talk about taxes and stuff, but superhero friends! Meanwhile, the Justice League is like, “wow this guy is so social. I like it!”

Marvel: “You have a lighthouse…?” *sounds so amazed*

Aquaman: “Yeah. My dad was a lighthouse keeper so I got it when he passed.”

Marvel: “That’s so awesome! Can I come over?”

Aquaman: “Oh, okay? Sure?” *a little surprised he asked but eh whatever*

That was how Arthur spent the day showing Cap around the lighthouse. The man was a really good listener and was surprisingly very interested in listening to Arthur talk about how to use the light. You couldn’t even ask Arthur how they both ended up jumping off the railings of the lighthouse of dive into the water. You also couldn’t ask him how they ended up having a water fight, with the Atlantean calling for some sea creatures as back up. You also also couldn’t ask him how shocked a hotdog vendor was when he saw Captain Marvel and Aquaman, both of which who are supposed to be revered heroes, soaked, looking like wet dogs, asking for a couple of hotdogs after they nearly caused a tidal wave.

They got scolded by Batman a little while later for acting like children and almost causing the previously mentioned tidal wave. It was a little funny to see Batman scolding a man a solid two feet taller than him.

Soon after that whole incident, Marvel went to befriend Martian Manhunter next.

Marvel: *staring at J’onn while holding a box of cookies*

MM: *can hear him thinking about how to approach him and looks over to Marvel*

Marvel: *thinks a little too loudly and J’onn hears a nearly deafening “FRIEND”*

MM: *flinches and clutches his head* “Captain. Is something the matter.”

Marvel: “Oh uh…” *walks over and looks between the cookies and J’onn* “I was uh- wondering if you wanted to eat these with me.”

And that’s how J’onn spent the rest of the afternoon eating cookies with Marvel. J’onn had at first thought Marvel was quiet because he was something humans called awkward. But no, every now and then, when J’onn forgot that humans preferred to keep their thoughts private, he’d hear how happy Marvel was that he accepted. He’d also heard a couple other voices which was slightly concerning. He didn’t know if that was normal for humans or not.

Then, the next was Batman. Bruce honestly didn’t even know how they had started talking about this. All he knows is that they were talking about the team’s performance in the field, then that somehow transitioned into talking about superheroes in general, which then somehow led to fictional superheroes, which led to now:

Marvel: “Oh, you like Gray Ghost?”

Batman: “I was… a fan of him when I was a child.” *doesn’t know why he’s telling Marvel this*

Marvel: “Cool! Did you see the movies?”

From there on was a forty minute yapping session about Gray Ghost, his lore, the movies, the comics, the action figures, and so on.

Marvel: “I even had his comics as a kid too.”

Batman: “Really? Reprints or originals?”

Marvel: “I wanna say originals? What do you mean by reprints though?”

Batman: “Reprinting is when they take a comic, and remake it to look a little better, such as brighter colors or slightly tweaked dialogue, so they can sell it again.”

Marvel: “Oh. Then I’d say I probably have originals then.”

Batman: “Interesting. Those are collectors items now. They go for thousands.”

Marvel; “Really?!” *eyes nearly bug out of his skull* “Huh. I had no idea. Which ones did you have?”

Batman: “Mostly reprints. But I do have a couple originals on display.”

So yeah. The two were geeking out and stuff. Bruce honestly has literally no one to talk about this with so he’ll admit he was a little (a lot) happy.

We can’t forget the other JL heroes though.

Flash: “Like, he is so nice, and for what?”

GL: “I know right he let me ramble for like 45 minutes about planes! He was asking questions too!”

Supes: “And he’s always willing to help with anything. I didn’t even get to finish asking if he could cover my monitor shifts before he said yes.” *sounds slightly guiltily (he still feels bad for asking)*

In conclusion, Billy really wants to be friends with these guys, and his methods are definitely working.

[badussyussysstuff]

Older boyfriend Price who is absolutely DISTRAUGHT over the fact that you don’t care about marriage because you think he’s over it.

Note: this one has no smut but it has mentions of sex and sexual relations so interact at your own discretion. Reader is in mid twenties.

Masterlist

“What the fuck do you mean by you don’t want to?” If Price had been any louder, anyone outside his car would’ve been able to hear him.

It had been a few months into your relationship with Price after almost a year of being friends with benefits. You weren’t sure how your arrangement changed over time but you were glad to be with him as he valued you a lot.

“I mean, think about it. You’re like, what? 40-“

“I’m 37, love”

“Right, yeah, I just think that it doesn’t really matter as long as we’re having fun together. Honestly, I thought you’d agree.” You said before taking a bite out of your burger.

Price could only watch you in shock. Sure, your relationship started on the basis of sexual benefits but when he did think of the future all he thought of was you. Even if you were a generation younger than him, he had never felt such synergy with anyone before. It was a connection of a lifetime - emotional and sexual.

“So you don’t give a shit about marriage because you think I don’t care about it.”

“Kind of. If I’m gonna get married I need my partner to be on board too, don’t you think?” He sighed at your reply. You looked up at him, confused and cheeks full with your dinner as you grabbed the plastic cup of coke.

His heart swelled at the sight. It was like looking at an innocent chipmunk. To think that the same face looked fucked out an hour ago awed him but he couldn’t let himself get distracted by your unintentional seduction.

He grabbed your drink and put it back in the cupholder. You were about to whine but he grabbed your face and pulled you close, noses almost touching.

“You-“ peck “-are the most wonderful thing to happen to me and I’ll be damned if I don’t tie you down with me in the future.”

Your face heated up. You had swallowed your food not too long ago but your mouth felt like it had gone dry.

With your face in his hands he continued. “I’ll have a rock on your pretty little finger before you know it.” He left a longer peck on your lips this time and pulled away.

What you didn’t know was that he already had a ring for you. It was stored away in a hidden drawer in his desk, waiting to be worn by you.

In fact, he had brought it just a month into your relationship. He wasn’t religious but he knew that a person like you was the blessing of a lifetime.

[badussyussysstuff]

Can’t stop thinking about how much Simon “Ghost” Riley loves his American girlfriend.

Unlike the other 141 boys he wouldn’t poke fun at you or tease you about the different words you use. Kyle loves to correct you,

“Whens the soccer game on tonight?”

“Its football love, not soccer, ‘cause you kick the ball.”

“You kick the ball in American football as well.”

“Yeah but...ours is better”

Johnny’s a tease

“Have you seen my swimming suit?”

“You wear a suit to go swimming?”

“I’m not calling it a costume”

“Well it sure as hell isn’t a bloody suit”

Even Price gets in on it by pretending not to hear you,

“Can you grab some chips from the kitchen?”

“Hm? Sorry dear can’t hear ya’”

“Grab me some chips!”

“Gunna’ have'ta repeat that”

“....crisps”

“There ya’ go, really outta speak up more sweetheart”

Never mind the fact he was right beside you on the couch.

But Simon, Simon is different. Never once has he corrected or teased you, to the point where its become a bit of a hindrance.

“Can you stop by the gas station on your way home?”

And he’ll just stare at you, an almost blank expression on his face, only the fidgeting of his fingers give way to what he’s thinking.

“The petrol shop Si’”

“Right.” 

Is it because he doesn’t care? Or maybe he’s too frightened he’ll scare you away if he corrects you? Whatever it is he’ll never say, but one thing is for certain, he’s absolutely elated when you start to pick up the British dialect.

You tell people your boyfriend is a leftenant instead of a luitenant and he’s looking at you like you hung the very stars in the sky.

Ask for a “wife beater” while pointing at the bottles of Stella Artois in his fridge and he swears his heart just skipped a beat (despite the crude connotations of the nickname)

Ask him to pick up ‘Maccies for you bolth on the way home and he almost causes a 20 car pileup because he has to hide his burning face.

Tell him you like the black jumper he’s wearing and theres three more in the online cart already.

And when you start swearing like a “proper brit” he’s ready to get down on one knee. He hears you mutter “bloody hell” from across the flat as you listen to news report an expected  10cm of rain for today and for the first time in his life he’s thanking god Manchester is such a dreary place.

You’ve become part of his life, he hadn’t scared you off, you hadn’t gotten tired of him. You wanted to be here, you wanted him. You’ve been here long enough to pick it up, you’ve spent enough time together even your words are beginning to match each other, and theres nothing in the world that could make him happier. So he’ll never once correct you or tease you when you ask to go on a vacation even if he’s blindly nodding along to your requests and scurrying off to the bathroom later to look it up and figure out you wanted to go on holiday with him. Cursing under his breath while he fishes his phone from the sink because he dropped it in his shock at the revelation you wanted to go on holiday with him. Give him two days and he’s already bought the tickets

Sorry for the lack of posting! Schools been getting busy and I'm working on getting a draft of a book ready to send to a publisher so it's been a bit hectic but I absolutely love posting for you guys here on tumblr (srsly all your comments make my day) so I'm going to try and keep posting as regularly as I can! working on a longer chapter for my Ghost and Soap's roomie series rn so that should be out somewhat soon! thank you all so so much for your support.

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posting niche fic on ao3 is like releasing a small creature into the wild and hoping it survives and finds sustenance

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Hal Jordan, mid-Justice League meeting, just now finding out that Batman and Superman look so similar they can swap suits if needed: and you guys do that…platonically?

[badussyussysstuff]

Did you know

If you perform action Harmlessly Bother Cat you can receive Sounds

[badussyussysstuff]

My little sister's new boyfriend got a tattoo for her about a month ago and he wanted matching tattoos so he decided to get uh. The tattoo on her ankle of her ex boyfriend's name that she hasn't gotten covered up yet