badussyussysstuff

[badussyussysstuff]

Despite being cursed into a monster and being banished by your royal parents, you were happy with your life. Your home was peaceful. You always had enough to eat. You even had friends despite your appearance, so yeah your life was great. Your non-cursed sibling's life, on the other hand

[badussyussysstuff]

A different "A Second Mystery Texter"

Masterpost

Tim Drake had been subtly keeping an eye on Jason’s behavior. The Red Hood rarely smiled at his phone unless he was planning something chaotic, so Tim’s curiosity was piqued.

“Who are you texting?” Tim asked casually, leaning against the doorway.

Jason didn’t even look up. “None of your business.”

Tim’s eyes narrowed. “You’re grinning. That’s suspicious.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “It’s just some kid who texted me by mistake. Chill, Drake.”

Tim tilted his head. “A kid? You’re texting a kid?”

Jason groaned. “He’s not that young. Teenager, I think. And he’s got some... interesting problems.”

Tim’s curiosity only grew. He waited until Jason left his phone unattended to grab a drink, then swooped in. The most recent messages caught his attention immediately.

“‘Plasmius’? Ghosts? Supernatural hotspot?” Tim muttered, scrolling. “Oh, this is good.”

A Few Hours Later

Danny was sitting on his bed, scrolling through memes, when his phone buzzed.

Unknown Number: Hey, is this Danny?

Danny frowned.

Danny: Uh, yeah. Who’s asking?

Unknown Number: Tim Drake. Jason mentioned you.

Danny blinked. Who the heck was Tim Drake?

Danny: Jason told someone about me? What, is he running a support group now?

Tim: Not exactly. I just wanted to know more about you. Ghosts, supernatural stuff—it’s not every day you meet someone who deals with that kind of thing.

Danny hesitated. He hadn’t expected Jason to share his existence with anyone, let alone someone who sounded this... professional.

Danny: Well, I don’t “deal” with it. I kinda live it. Long story.

Tim: I’ve got time.

Danny groaned. Why do I always attract the curious ones?

Meanwhile, in the Batcave

Jason walked back into the room, drinking a soda, and immediately noticed Tim glued to his phone.

“Drake, what are you doing?” Jason asked suspiciously.

Tim glanced up with a smug grin. “Just making a new friend.”

Jason narrowed his eyes. “If you’re texting Danny, I swear—”

Tim interrupted him. “Relax. I just want to know more about him. He seems... interesting.”

Jason grabbed his phone and checked his messages. Sure enough, Danny had texted:

Danny: Did you give my number to someone named Tim? Because he just messaged me out of nowhere.

Jason: Drake stole your number. Ignore him.

Danny: Too late. He’s already asking about ghosts.

Jason glared at Tim. “Stay out of this, Drake.”

Tim smirked. “You’re just mad I got to him first. Besides, he could be useful. A kid dealing with supernatural threats? He might need someone with actual resources.”

Jason groaned. “You’re gonna scare him off.”

Tim shrugged. “We’ll see.”

[badussyussysstuff]

Your most recent post is 10000% accurate. Bruce's mom energy even transfers over to the Justice League. Batman and Superman are referred to as Mom and Dad, respectively. Although the only person with the balls to say it to Batman's face is Hal (and possibly Oliver)

Bruce acts all annoyed with it but secretly he’s jumping for joy

Hal calls him Mom in the most annoying and mocking way but once he was knocked out in battle and still woozy and he genuinely called Bruce Mom. They never talk about it but Bruce is just a smidge nicer to him.

Barry is the one that calls him Mom the most earnestly. Bruce is just so much calmer and wiser that it slips out without him noticing, talking a a mile a minute, and Bruce never says anything against it.

Oliver says it to be an ass cause that’s just how he is. But if Bruce is having a really bad day he’ll pay him on the back and tell him he’s a good Mom.

Diana thinks it’s so sweet and knows the significance of being called Mom. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t tease him about it, what kind of friend would she be if she didn’t.

Once they start calling Clark Dad Bruce’s heart always skips a beat.

Clark’s a little nervous about it at first but gets used to it, in fact he really likes it. Especially when they say Mom and Dad, implying that they’re together

If Clark starts acting a little lovey dovey to Bruce? Well that’s no one’s business but his own. He’s gotta take care of his wife after all.

[badussyussysstuff]

Today, the richest person in the world suddenly and mysteriously drops dead. Tomorrow the same thing happens. It continues every day, unexplainable and unstoppable.

[badussyussysstuff]

Marvel Being Scary

Marvel can be scary. The JL knows it. Magic users know it. Fawcitizens strangely don’t for whatever reason. Anyways, point is, he’s scary.

Marvel: “Wait… So this isn’t your real form?”

Martian Manhunter(MM): “No. This is simply a form I took after coming to earth.”

Marvel: “Oooh that’s cool! So you also have it so you don’t scare people?”

MM: “Yes- what do you mean by also?”

Marvel: “I mean that if I also reverted back to my normal form, the living the lightning, it would also scare a lot of people too.”

MM: “Oh?”

Marvel: “Yeah, and apparently I’d drive everyone who sees me insane too.” *sounds so nonchalant*

MM: “Oh.” *sounds concerned now*

Flash: *making a sandwich for himself and overheard* “Wait, like Bird Box?”

Marvel: “What’s Bird Box?”

After Watching Bird Box…

Marvel: “Huh. Yeah, like Bird Box. I don’t think they’d kill themselves tho-”

Solomon: “There’s actually a 50 percent chance they would.”

Marvel: “Never mind.”

Yeah… He can be scary. Thankfully, none of the JL have seen this ‘living lightning’ first hand. He’s still found other ways to scare him though. Granted, it’s not his fault, but still. Like his shape shifting abilities are absolutely grotesque and the first time Flash and GL saw it, it almost cost them a mission.

Flash, GL, and Marvel: *trying to do a stealth mission*

GL: “We need disguises!”

Marvel: “Oh, I got this.” *shapeshifts into a woman*

Now see, the idea of him shapeshifting itself isn’t scary, but the way he shapeshifts is absolutely horrifying because you can literally see the skin and bone warp and snap and contract to fit into whatever he wants to be at the moment.

Flash and GL: *staring with horrified expressions*

Marvel: *now a prim and proper looking lady* “What is it?”

Flash: *vomits on the floor cause the shapeshifting looks absolutely disgusting*

That actually gave away their position so GL and Flash ended up running while Billy was forced to pretend like he was the one who vomited. Thankfully, they let him/her off.

This isn’t even counting the entire array of disgusting and horrifying things he’s done to horrify everyone. In conclusion, Marvel’s a weird and kinda scary guy, but the JL still like him cause he’s Marvel.

Also, Junior and Mary have done similar horrific/gross things around the Teen Titans and Young Justice respectively.

[badussyussysstuff]

DP x DC prompt [23]

Dick takes Danny to some kind of spa resort for a nice day of pampering and brotherly bonding.

That’s a safe, totally normal, regular people activity to do right? And maybe afterward his sore shoulder from a day ago will stop bothering him too.

Sadly, halfway through Danny is actively dying in the sauna cause he hasn’t told the batfam about him being Phantom at all and his ice core cannot handle the heat in the slightest.

But he also really doesn’t want to ruin Dick’s fun, so what now?

[badussyussysstuff]

Link!

[badussyussysstuff]

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

[badussyussysstuff]

SO HERE IS THE WHOLE STORY (SO FAR).

I am on my knees begging you to reblog this post and to stop reblogging the original ones I sent out yesterday. This is the complete account with all the most recent info; the other one is just sending people down senselessly panicked avenues that no longer lead anywhere.

IN SHORT

Cliff Weitzman, CEO of Speechify and (aspiring?) voice actor, used AI to scrape thousands of popular, finished works off AO3 to list them on his own for-profit website and in his attached app. He did this without getting any kind of permission from the authors of said work or informing AO3. Obviously.

When fandom at large was made aware of his theft and started pushing back, Weitzman issued a non-apology on the original social media posts—using 

his dyslexia; 

his intent to implement a tip-system for the plagiarized authors; and 

a sudden willingness to take down the work of every author who saw my original social media posts and emailed him individually with a ‘valid’ claim,

as reasons we should allow him to continue monetizing fanwork for his own financial gain.

When we less-than-kindly refused, he took down his ‘apologies’ as well as his website (allegedly—it’s possible that our complaints to his web host, the deluge of emails he received or the unanticipated traffic brought it down, since there wasn’t any sort of official statement made about it), and when it came back up several hours later, all of the work formerly listed in the fan fiction category was no longer there. 

THE TAKEAWAYS

1. Cliff Weitzman (aka Ofek Weitzman) is a scumbag with no qualms about taking fanwork without permission, feeding it to AI and monetizing it for his own financial gain; 

2. Fandom can really get things done when it wants to, and 

3. Our fanworks appear to be hidden, but they’re NOT DELETED from Weitzman’s servers, and independently published, original works are still listed without the authors' permission. We need to hold this man responsible for his theft, keep an eye on both his current and future endeavors, and take action immediately when he crosses the line again. 

THE TIMELINE, THE DETAILS, THE SCREENSHOTS (behind the cut)

Sunday night, December 22nd 2024, I noticed an influx in visitors to my fic You & Me & Holiday Wine. When I searched the title online, hoping to find out where they came from, a new listing popped up (third one down, no less):

This listing is still up today, by the way, though now when you follow the link to word-stream, it just brings you to the main site. (Also, to be clear, this was not the cause for the influx of traffic to my fic; word-stream did not link back to the original work anywhere.)

I followed the link to word-stream, where to my horror Y&M&HW was listed in its entirety—though, beyond the first half of the first chapter, behind a paywall—along with a link promising to take me—through an app downloadable on the Apple Store—to an AI-narrated audiobook version. When I searched word-stream itself for my ao3 handle I found both of my multi-chapter fics were listed this way:

Because the tags on my fics (which included genres* and characters, but never the original IPs**) weren’t working, I put ‘Kara Danvers’ into the search bar and discovered that many more supercorp fics (Supergirl TV fandom, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor pairing) were listed.

I went looking online for any mention of word-stream and AI plagiarism (the covers—as well as the ridiculously inflated number of reviews and ratings—made it immediately obvious that AI fuckery was involved), but found almost nothing: only one single Reddit post had been made, and it received (at that time) only a handful of upvotes and no advice. 

I decided to make a tumblr post to bring the supercorp fandom up to speed about the theft. I draw as well as write for fandom and I’ve only ever had to deal with art theft—which has a clear set of steps to take depending on where said art was reposted—and I was at a loss regarding where to start in this situation.

After my post went up I remembered Project Copy Knight, which is worth commending for the work they’ve done to get fic stolen from AO3 taken down from monetized AI 'audiobook’ YouTube accounts. I reached out to @echoekhi, asking if they’d heard of this site and whether they could advise me on how to get our works taken down.

While waiting for a reply I looked into Copy Knight’s methods and decided to contact OTW’s legal department:

And then I went to bed.

By morning, tumblr friends @makicarn and @fazedlight as well as a very helpful tumblr anon had seen my post and done some very productive sleuthing:

@echoekhi had also gotten back to me, advising me, as expected, to contact the OTW. So I decided to sit tight until I got a response from them.

That response came only an hour or so later: 

Which was 100% understandable, but still disappointing—I doubted a handful of individual takedown requests would accomplish much, and I wasn’t eager to share my given name and personal information with Cliff Weitzman himself, which is unavoidable if you want to file a DMCA.

I decided to take it to Reddit, hoping it would gain traction in the wider fanfic community, considering so many fandoms were affected. My Reddit posts (with the updates at the bottom as they were emerging) can be found here and here.

A helpful Reddit user posted a guide on how users could go about filing a DMCA against word-stream here (to wobbly-at-best results)

A different helpful Reddit user signed up to access insight into word-streams pricing. Comment is here.

Smells unbelievably scammy, right? In addition to those audacious prices—though in all fairness any amount of money would be audacious considering every work listed is accessible elsewhere for free—my dyscalculia is screaming silently at the sight of that completely unnecessary amount of intentionally obscured numbers.

Speaking of which! As soon as the post on r/AO3—and, as a result, my original tumblr post—began taking off properly, sometime around 1 pm, jumpscare! A notification that a tumblr account named @cliffweitzman had commented on my post, and I got a bit mad about the gist of his message :

Fortunately he caught plenty of flack in the comments from other users (truly you should check out the comment section, it is extremely gratifying and people are making tremendously good points), in response to which, of course, he first tried to both reiterate and renegotiate his point in a second, longer comment (which I didn’t screenshot in time so I’m sorry for the crappy notification email formatting):

which he then proceeded to also post to Reddit (this is another Reddit user’s screenshot, I didn’t see it at all, the notifications were moving too fast for me to follow by then)

... where he got a roughly equal amount of righteously furious replies. (Check downthread, they're still there, all the way at the bottom.)

After which Cliff went ahead & deleted his messages altogether. 

It’s not entirely clear whether his account was suspended by Reddit soon after or whether he deleted it himself, but considering his tumblr account is still intact, I assume it’s the former. He made a handful of sock puppet accounts to play around with for a while, both on Reddit and Tumblr, only one of which I have a screenshot of, but since they all say roughly the same thing, you’re not missing much:

And then word-stream started throwing a DNS error.

That lasted for a good number of hours, which was unfortunately right around the time that a lot of authors first heard about the situation and started asking me individually how to find out whether their work was stolen too. I do not have that information and I am unclear on the perimeters Weitzman set for his AI scraper, so this is all conjecture: it LOOKS like the fics that were lifted had three things in common:

They were completed works;

They had over several thousand kudos on AO3; and

They were written by authors who had actively posted or updated work over the past year.

If anyone knows more about these perimeters or has info that counters my observation, please let me know!

I finally thought to check/alert evil Twitter during this time, and found out that the news was doing the rounds there already. I made a quick thread summarizing everything that had happened just in case. You can find it here.

I went to Bluesky too, where fandom was doing all the heavy lifting for me already, so I just reskeeted, as you do, and carried on.

Sometime in the very early evening, word-stream went back up—but the fan fiction category was nowhere to be seen. Tentative joy and celebration!***

That’s when several users—the ones who had signed up for accounts to gain intel and had accessed their own fics that way—reported that their work could still be accessed through their history. Relevant Reddit post here.

Sooo—

We’re obviously not done. The fanwork that was stolen by Weitzman may be inaccessible through his website right now, but they aren’t actually gone. And the fact that Weitzman wasn’t willing to get rid of them altogether means he still has plans for them. 

This was my final edit on my Reddit post before turning off notifications, and it's pretty much where my head will be at for at least the foreseeable future:

Please feel free to add info in the comments, make your own posts, take whatever action you want to take to protect your work. I only beg you—seriously, I’m on my knees here—to not give up like I saw a handful of people express the urge to do. Keep sharing your creative work and remain vigilant and stay active to make sure we can continue to do so freely. Visit your favorite fics, and the ones you’ve kept in your ‘marked for later’ lists but never made time to read, and leave kudos, leave comments, support your fandom creatives, celebrate podficcers and support AO3. We created this place and it’s our responsibility to keep it alive and thriving for as long as we possibly can.

Also FUCK generative AI. It has NO place in fandom spaces.

THE 'SMALL' PRINT (some of it in all caps):

*Weitzman knew what he was doing and can NOT claim ignorance. One, it’s pretty basic kindergarten stuff that you don’t steal some other kid’s art project and present it as your own only to act surprised when they protest and then tell the victim that they should have told you sooner that they didn’t want their project stolen. And two, he was very careful never to list the IPs these fanworks were based on, so it’s clear he was at least familiar enough with the legalities to not get himself in hot water with corporate lawyers. Fucking over fans, though, he figured he could get away with that. 

**A note about the AI that Weitzman used to steal our work: it’s even greasier than it looks at first glance. It’s not just the method he used to lift works off AO3 and then regurgitate onto his own website and app. Looking beyond the untold horrors of his AI-generated cover ‘art’, in many cases these covers attempt to depict something from the fics in question that can’t be gleaned from their summaries alone. In addition, my fics (and I assume the others, as well) were listed with generated genres; tags that did not appear anywhere in or on my fic on AO3 and were sometimes scarily accurate and sometimes way off the mark. I remember You & Me & Holiday Wine had ‘found family’ (100% correct, but not tagged by me as such) and I believe The Shape of Soup was listed as, among others, ‘enemies to friends to lovers’ and ‘love triangle’ (both wildly inaccurate). Even worse, not all the fic listed (as authors on Reddit pointed out) came with their original summaries at all. Often the entire summary was AI-generated. All of these things make it very clear that it was an all-encompassing scrape—not only were our fics stolen, they were also fed word-for-word into the AI Weitzman used and then analyzed to suit Weitzman’s needs. This means our work was literally fed to this AI to basically do with whatever its other users want, including (one assumes) text generation. 

***Fan fiction appears to have been made (largely) inaccessible on word-stream at this time, but I’m hearing from several authors that their original, independently published work, which is listed at places like Kindle Unlimited, DOES still appear in word-stream’s search engine. This obviously hurts writers, especially independent ones, who depend on these works for income and, as a rule, don’t have a huge budget or a legal team with oceans of time to fight these battles for them. If you consider yourself an author in the broader sense, beyond merely existing online as a fandom author, beyond concerns that your own work is immediately at risk, DO NOT STOP MAKING NOISE ABOUT THIS.

Again, please, please PLEASE reblog this post instead of the one I sent originally. All the information is here, and it's driving me nuts to see the old ones are still passed around, sending people on wild goose chases.

Thank you all so much.

[badussyussysstuff]

Danny: I like my men how I like my coffee-

Jason: All night long and first thing in the morning?

Steph: With two shots of syrup and whipped cream on top?

Duke: Held up to a very specific high standard that literally only one person in the whole world would meet?

Danny, slowly blinking: ...I was going to say 'giving me a solid reason to stay alive', but you're all not entirely wrong, so.

Tim, two hours later: What did I fucking do to you that warranted syrup and whipped cream in my hair?!

Damian: Thank me later.

[badussyussysstuff]

famous character who loves his younger sister to death, so when she gets sick but requires him to go to the fan event hosted by her favorite idol, you, he agrees. he rocks a hoodie and sunglasses, afraid to be recognized, but when he sits down for his allotted time with you, he forgets he’s famous. he’s instantly starstruck. your energy, your smile, your visuals, your personality — everything about you is so genuine and sweet. he can see why you’re considered this generation’s ultimate love.

you’re so kind to him, not even openly put off by the fact that he’s dressed like some weirdo stalker. you even get him to hold his hand up to form a heart together.

you give him a special photo card and a handmade friendship bracelet that you actually made yourself while on your, with lots of goodies for your sister too. the next week, the social media manager for him wants to film a “what’s in my gym bag” video for his account, which he reluctantly agrees to. what he completely forgets about is the fact that your exclusive photo card is still tucked away in his jacket pocket, and it comes falling out when he goes through the items in his bag. he’s instantly turning red, and soon, headlines are hitting that he’s your ultimate fanboy.

(his sister isn’t concerned, and just wants to know if you two are dating and if she can get vip tickets to your latest show)

[badussyussysstuff]

thinking about government employee reader who needs to find a new place to stay ASAP since your roomie is getting married and you can’t afford to pay the entire rent on your own. however, lucky you!! it turns out that the super nice apartment building in the best area of the city is finally done being built, and your government office is giving away several apartments to the top performing employees as a means to generate more workplace productivity. you’re a GREAT employee! you’ve got this in the bag!

except merit isn’t the only thing considered. apparently, the government wants to prioritize newlyweds, all in the hopes of encouraging young couples to settle down and hopefully repopulate the city and churn out some more future government employees. you don’t have a husband. you don’t even have a boyfriend. what you do have, though, is your childhood bestie: character. and what do you know, he’s single too!!!

what you don’t know is that he’s single because he’s been in love with you ever since he’s known you. attractive and caring and a gentleman; he’s a catch, and he’s rejected every girl because he only has eyes for you. you’re entirely oblivious to his affections, and you’re so blind, you don’t think it’s weird of him to say yes to your suggestion that the two of you get married so you both can live in a super nice apartment.

just !!! friends to lovers and exploring the process of falling in love. he’s very attentive to you and knows you the best (when you first move in together, you want to celebrate by ordering takeout + he anticipates this, so be already has menus for restaurants nearby for you to look at 🥹 and when you walk around the apartment, talking abt things you want to change or add, he makes mental note of this & decides to fulfill your wishes) and of course, the two of you have to keep up the ruse of happy newlyweds. you’re so close to your best friend that sharing a room and a bed with him doesn’t feel weird, but the whole entire time, he can barely sleep because he’s so close to you. lots of pining and yearning!! BRING BACK PINING AND YEARNING!!!!

[badussyussysstuff]

The Ancient One

DP x DC Prompt

The Ancients, beings of concepts that are believed in. Also, pieces to become a being known as "The Ancient One," a being of untold power, able to do anything to their hearts content. The Ghost King is the one to become "The Ancient One." Pariah couldn't be that being. He was too corrupt and tyrannical. But Danny? He is the perfect candidate.

Danny was alone. He had no family or friends to be with him, but the Ancients began to spend time with him. They treat him as a child, unlike the ones he wanted to treat him as such, but he's getting a family again.

Then, one by one, they began to disappear, and Danny got their powers. First, it was Frostbite, the Ancient of Medicine, who had played with him in the snow all day before he disappeared, and then Danny got the knowledge of many medical practices the next day. Next was Vortex. The Ancient of Weather had watched the stars with Danny the day before he disappeared, and the next day, Danny could control the weather, but it wasn't tied to his emotions like last time. Undergrowth was next. The Ancient of Plants had shown Danny his personal garden, the first and last time it would happen, as the next day, Undergrowth's personal garden appeared outside Danny's keep, and he could hear the voices of the plants.

Danny began to worry. His family was slowly getting smaller and smaller, so he went to the rest of his family to ask them where the rest of the Ancients were. He was devastated to learn that they would just become memories, that Danny would be the only one left again. He tried to protest to keep the rest of his family again. But Nocturne, Pandora, and Clockwork still vanished, with a last sticky note from the Ancient of Time for Danny to read again and again.

"Danny, I am sorry, little ghost, but this must be done. There is nothing more I would do to be with you longer, but we have to cease to be. The Ancient One must be made, and you are the perfect one to be that being. We Ancients have loved you as our own little one, and it hurts us to part with you. May you thrive for as long as you exist.

Love, Clockwork"

Danny holds (his) Clockwork's staff in one hand and (his) Pandora's shield in the other. His once happy demeanor has now become one of sadness. He has lost his family, twice, and is constantly being summoned by cults, fanatics, and others to either grant them power or conquer a world. He doesn't want to do those things. He just doesn't want to be alone again.

Maybe the man clad in all black in his recent summoning will be able to give him a family again.

[badussyussysstuff]

WAIT. ok so the whole only human and monsters roommate fic mentioned something like a human-monster exchange so.... what about monster!reader and yandere!humans...?

[Referencing Monster Roommates]

Hah, I was wondering if I should include it as a bonus ending or wait until someone brings it up.

Human!Reader was shipped to the monster realm for the sake of an exchange program, and ended up with a pack of horny housemates.

In a similar fashion, Monster!Reader woke up one morning to find their suitcases packed, while the same lizard lackeys waited by the door. They did not sign up for this.

Despite Monster!Reader's protests, they were nonchalantly dropped off before a strange door: their shared human household. While they had their reluctance regarding these small, strange creatures, the humans turned out to be rather kind and welcoming, often explaining their earthly customs and guiding Reader through this mysterious new world.

"What's that?"

Monster!Reader's eyes widen at the little pin decorating their roommate's backpack. The man scrambles to cover the colorful "monster fucker" accessory, letting out an awkward chuckle.

"It's just something we gifted each other last year...", he explains.

"All of us have one."

In the neighboring room, another human raps their fingers against the keyboard, with the elegance and excitement of a pianist who'd just moved a grand audience to tears. Their latest fanfiction work has been completed. A hundred-page trilogy of their monstrous roommate being railed on every piece of furniture by the deliriously infatuated humans.

"If only...", they sigh dreamily, opening the drawer and gazing at all the photos they'd secretly taken over the past months.

[badussyussysstuff]

→ Thinking about being a big, scary monster that’s only soft for your lover.

Growling at anyone who steps too close to you, hackles raising and claws flexed, but the moment your lover walks over you melt. You purr and croon, holding their little waist in your hands as you lick them.

Taking up the whole bed and being a huge, warm weighted blanket for your lover in the winter. Whining and crying because you want to cuddle during the summer, but your body is just do hot!

Picking up your lover whenever you feel like it, wrapping them up in your arms as you purr and croon at them. Your tail wags happily when they curiously look at your sharp teeth or feel your calloused hands.

Delicately holding their frame, terrified you’d break them at the smallest show of force. They’re made of porcelain in your eyes..

You just love your baby so much! Your little human lover who belongs to you, and only you..

[badussyussysstuff]

Being Your Parents to School Day

Billy doesn’t know what to do for Bring Your Parent to School day. See, you’re supposed to bring a parent or parents and apparently you would get to decorate cookies with them, but uh… Billy doesn’t have parents. And he really wants some free cookies too. So, he ended up bringing the two next best things.

Teacher: “Oh? Billy these are your parents?”

Billy: *holding Tawny’s hand while the ghost of the Wizard is somehow floating beside him* “No, Tawny’s kinda my uncle, and Mr. Wizard Sir is kinda like a grandpa.”

Teacher: *not even fazed cause ✨Fawcett✨* “I see! Well, have fun you guys!”

The pair that came after them was a little girl and her dad who had the head of a fish. It’s safe to say weird parents/kids/family genealogy is normal.

Billy and Tawny: *frosting their cookies*

Wizard: *just floating there* “I can’t pick anything up to frost.” *sulking on the inside*

Billy: “Eh, that’s fine. Maybe I can extract the ghost of a cookie and you can eat it!”

Wizard: “Uh… You know what? I’d love for you to do that Billy.” *tries to pat his head only for his hand to go through*

Billy: *shivers* “Brain freeze!”

Wizard: “Ah my apologies, Billy.”

Ghost Granny: *floats over to them* “Amazing, I’ve never met another ghost around my age.”

Wizard: “Yes… your age.” *is older than this woman by thousands of years*

Ghost Granny: “Not being able to touch things is a real pain, isn’t it?”

Wizard: *old man sigh* “Indeed.”

So, while the Wizard was chatting it up with the Granny, Billy and Tawny were still frosting cookies.

Billy: *looks over to Tawny to see beautiful works of frosted art* “Woah! Tawny you’re good at this.”

Tawny: “Thank you, Billy.” *looks over to Billy’s cookies* “Is that… tiger fur?” *points to one of the cookies that has a bit of tiger fur clinging to its frosting*

Billy: “Ew… it is.” *picks it out of the frosting*

Tawny: “Billy, you’re not even the tiger in this situation. How’d that get there?”

Billy: “I dunno.” *shrugs and sets aside the cookie he was frosting in the ‘For Mr Wizard Sir’ pile*

Wizard: *floats back over* “Billy, are those for me?”

Billy: “Yup!”

Wizard: *staring at his pile touched because there’s like seven cookies in the pile and maybe more to come*

Billy: “Did you need something, Mr Wizard Sir?”

Wizard: “Ah.” *clears throat* “Yes. Billy, I was wondering if I had permission to gloat about you to Ms Gertrude and her other ghostly friends.”

Billy: “Huh…?”

Wizard: “They seemed to make it a competition to talk about which of their grandchildren are the best and I want to make sure you’re the winner.”

Billy: “Oh.” *blinks rapidly* “Okay!” *smiles*

Wizard: “Thank you.” *tries to pat his head again only for his hand to go through once more*

Billy: *shivers like earlier* “Brain freeze!”

[badussyussysstuff]

Steve is a one hit wonder, or at least that's what most of the world thinks.

You'd assume that he peaked in high school, and his claim to fame was a kegstand record or something, but no, that's not it. He was the "king", sure, but one day he just happened to sit on a bench in his uni's campus, and because his lips felt really dry from the windy autumn weather, he re-applied some lipgloss. A photographer taking pictures of the campus for a promotional brochure saw him, approched him, and voila! The biggest success (or maybe a mistake) of Steve's life was born.

He starred in a lipgloss commercial.

Look, in his defense, he needed the money. His parents cut him off, he was finally finding himself in his new major, and he was passionate about being able to afford rent and groceries. So he went to the studio, let them powder his face to oblivion and apply some lipgloss. They also gave him a shirt two sizes too small, which was really uncomfortable, but apparently made his shoulders look nice. He tried his best to recall wooing girls in high school, put on a hopefully seductive face, repeated some silly lines, and that was it.

He bought a new mattress with what he called the "lipgloss money" and thought that he could get back to his life with no change.

Except that didn't happen. Because the ad took off. Really, really took off. It got sold out almost immediately. The restocks were so sought after, there were lines forming in front of drugstores. The lipgloss was nice, thought Steve, non-sticky and with a nice flavor, long-lasting as per the ad, but he failed to see the mass appeal.

As it turned out, the appeal was himself. People recognized him on the street. They asked him to repeat that stupid line he said for the commercial. Somehow it got him more modelling gigs, all good and well-paid, but sometimes he thought he'd forever be the lipgloss guy.

As he's now standing in front of his class of students as their new PE teacher, he realizes it's not that much of a curse. Not if they consider it insanely cool that their teacher is famous, and if he can use the famous catchphrase as a motivator. "Alright, alright," he laughs and tosses a basket ball to one of his students. Score at least twice in this game and I'll say it.

He's never seen a game so competitive.

In the end, the students fulfill his condition. He grabs the lipgloss that one of the girls hands him, applies it to his lips, and assumes the well-practiced pose. He's so deep into his lipgloss model persona he doesn't realize the door to the gym opens.

"Just try kissing it off," he whispers in the most exaggerated, seductive voice he can muster.

His class explodes in laughter and clapping, but there's also an unfamiliar sound - a guitar case being dropped on the ground. Eddie Munson, the new music teacher who is supposed to prepare the gym for a students' concert that evening, stares at Steve as if he's a snack. A sweaty, lipgloss-covered snack.

In the awkward silence that follows, Steve rushes to pick up the guitar case, apologizes for shocking his new colleague and tries to explain the situation."

Eddie chuckles with him and assures him that no, it's all good, at least their first meeting was memorable. Steve sends his students to tidy the gym, and has to laugh when Eddie asks - "Sorry, what was that phrase again?"

"The lipgloss is supposed to be long-lasting, that's why," he explains. It's "Just try kissing it off."

And Eddie doesn't laugh at him, he just smirks and whispers:

"Well, don't mind if I do!"