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moving from this blog to mercymainlucy

just want to take a second try at having an organized blog without 1000000000000 pages lmao

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honestly… bi women and lesbians share a vast majority of our experiences. this is the way it is, the way it’s been, and the way it’s going to be. this is fact. we’re in the same class of women who’ve refused to remain or be heterosexual.

that said, we do have unique experiences, and that’s okay, too. we don’t share every nuance, which is fine. part of solidarity and compassionate listening is letting each other talk about these nuances without weaponizing it against one another. diverse social stigmas and other experiences of women who’ve abandoned and escaped heterosexuality aren’t and shouldn’t be made fodder for intra fighting. our pain should be heard and understood. start encouraging compassionate listening.

“i hear you, and i’m here for you.” as opposed to “yeah, you deal with that but ~i~ deal with this.” we all deal with everything simultaneously, especially those who are also of color or trans. your pain isn’t invalid just because someone else is also experiencing pain.

a lot of this in-fighting could be solved with compassion, but also knowing when to check your own pain. if you’re hurting, you don’t get to take that hurt out on someone else. you need to claim your pain, sit with it, and find out how to make peace with it yourself. your pain is not a weapon to use against someone else who exists in a similar reality as you.

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date a selkie, but don’t hide her cloak. let her go home and visit her family now and then, knowing that she’ll come back and hang her seal cloak in the closet like she always does. trust is important.

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:(

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Walk into your kitchen at 3am and this wizard is waiting for you, having drunk your beer and sampled, but disliked, your potato chips, hasn’t done the dishes, and he isn’t happy

What do you do?

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IF YOURE EGYPTIAN AND LGBTQ+ GET OFF ANY QUEER DATING SITES, THE POLICE ARE TRACKING AND HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN AGAIN. DELETE YOUR ACCOUNTS.

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Do not forget the 200 Lakota women and children that were murdered.

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Enrollment for 2018 Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) starts on November 1 and ends on December 15. The current administration has cut the funds to announce when people can enroll. Please reblog and #Resist

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Enrollment for 2018 Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) starts on November 1 and ends on December 15. The current administration has cut the funds to announce when people can enroll. Please reblog and #Resist

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i just heard someone out in the hallway go “omae wa mo shinderu” and then someone screamed “NO!!!” and there was a loud smack

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I need people to understand that the viral onion article that’s going around has been posted five times over the years, always verbatim except for the name of the city and number of dead.

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trans disposability is so normalized that

1 most lgbt people, including other trans women, participate in it

2 its almost always impossible to call out a distinct instance of it because it always gets narrativized as legitimate, so instead you have to look for broad multi-year patterns of people being excluded or kicked out over minutiae

3 it would honestly be hard to change without getting cis to recognize how they constantly fundamentally dehumanize and devalue trans women

4 every interaction is, for a trans woman, a terrifying negotiation for the continued potential to have social connection, making social interactions constantly traumatizing and banishing any possible sense of comfort or community

5 structurally formative as a repetitive trauma to trans women in such a way that we either reflexively overwork to please anyone around us or have breakdowns of social detachment, but that our very personality and social performance is always contingent on the ways we might be cruelly banished

6 a matter of life or death for us since we are often cut off from our families, have little access to work, and often don’t have access to any normal routes of community inclusion due to… the fact that we’re disposable in every space. its a situation that through recursive looping escalates into a crisis

like… it’s bad for trans women, really bad, on a level that non-trans women still seem barely capable of acknowledging or grasping

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it’s so deeply telling how when trans women try to say ‘hey, you viewing us as abject freaks and men is transmisogyny’ or ‘trans lesbians are really lesbians’ that so many cis women will instantly go to ‘so you think it’s transphobic that I don’t like DICK?!!’

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Being an active participant in fandom requires a certain level of self-regulating in order to be a healthy activity. It requires the ability to say “Not for me,” or “Not today,” and walk away.

We can have conversations about patterns we see in fanworks. We can discuss how we portray characters and relationships, how to effectively convey what we want to in writing, how to sensitively approach representations of marginalized characters. But having those conversations productively requires that we approach each other in good faith, and it requires the ability to self-regulate–including recognizing that often there is no hard line, no black and white answer, and we won’t always come to the same conclusions.

It requires an understanding up front that eliminating all fanworks we don’t care for is not the end goal of these conversations.

I’ll give a personal example. There is a ship that deeply, viscerally upsets me in like 95% of its iterations. I can explain why I don’t like it if asked. I’ve written about why I don’t think it’s handled well in canon.

And if I wanted to–if I wanted to–I could make a very convincing-sounding argument for why that ship is objectively bad and wrong and no one should ship it. Not because that’s objectively right, mind you, but because I’m good at arguing. I could slap that together in like… ten minutes, probably.

I don’t do that. If I vent about it on my own blog, it’s as infrequently as I can manage, because I do my best to avoid the content that upsets me. I don’t seek it out to get riled up about it. I don’t seek out content that upsets me, read it in its entirety, and then leave angry comments and send my friends to harass the author. I don’t choose a high-profile writer for the content I don’t like and engage in a targeted campaign of harassment against them all while claiming to be addressing a general problem.

If you are deliberately seeking out content that you know will upset you and reading it anyway and then feeling that you need to take those bad feelings out on the creator, you are not taking care of yourself. You are not engaging in healthy behavior or productive coping mechanisms. You are not keeping yourself safe, and you are not helping to make fandom safer for others. You are not engaging in good faith.

If you find that you do this and you can’t seem to stop, you may need to take some kind of further steps up to and including taking a break from fandom. I’m serious. I’ve taken breaks myself for that exact reason. There’s no shame in it. 

Please monitor your own ability to self-regulate. Please actively evaluate whether or not you are engaging in healthy and productive behavior, for yourself and for others.

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me, forcing myself to ask for help, hands trembling, voice shaking: im not feeling so good my sweet dude *finger guns*