badbehaviorincluded - Tumblr blog

[badbehaviorincluded]

oK rewatching this scene & pausing it every few secs is sO FUCIKGN fuNNY IM ASDFKJSDKDSGJGKFFFF

ALSO JACOB WAS IT RLY NECESSARY TO LUNGE AT HIM IM

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y’all gotta stop saying dumb shit like “you can’t be butch if you have long hair”

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sometimes the ocean just brings you. big trees.

just massive pieces of driftwood. and thats okay. its normal.

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/ I have finished 480 hours of internship! Now I’ll be working part-time for the next month before going back for my last year of school!

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my eldest sister had a boyfriend when she was in fifth grade, but we moved away so they obviously couldn’t see each other. well, when she was in college her friend introduced her to some guy and it was her old boyfriend from fifth grade. after two days of catching up she told him she wanted to marry him. they’ve been married for ten years and have two kids together.

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Send me a misconception you think people have about my character and I'll explain if it's true or not

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/ not here but checking in on mobile. My internship ends next week so hopefully I’ll actually have time after that

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plots based on actual encounters i’ve experienced

my internet isn’t working so i called customer service and you answered and instead of sitting in awkward silence while things load you strike up a really funny conversation with me and now i don’t want to hang up?

you came into the store i work at looking for something and i had no idea where it was so we bonded over this impromptu scavenger hunt and now you’re always out shopping for something just to see me

while waiting outside our classroom i asked what the homework was to which you replied “we had homework!?” and now we always wait outside the classroom together… also you always copy my homework

we volunteered to sell sandwiches to raise money for the school and i know we literally just met but you’re the most adorable dork i’ve ever met that laughs at all my stupid jokes and i could probably stare at your smile forever i think i’m in love with you??

you’re the funniest (and cutest) guy in class so one day i strike up a conversation with you in the corridor only to realize you’re actually very sweet and sensitive and you write poetry??? roses are red, violets are blue, i think i may be in love you

you’re this really cool, hot chick in class who’s also super smart and artistic and i’ve been pining over you for weeks and now we’re partnered for a project and you’re actually super fucking funny??? but you have a boyfriend so instead we just become best friends and now i’m honestly so glad i was stupidly gay for you that one time

you’re this really funny blog i follow that’s super fucking popular and i made a post about you and you actually responded??? i’m deceased??? now we’re best friends that talk every single day and we might even be a little gay for each other and i can’t even believe i was merely a follower of yours once

you’re this fairly popular viner/youtuber and i ran into you while on vacation and when i offered you a handshake you gave me a hug and followed my twitter so now we dm each other and every time i visit your live streams you always excitedly greet me and i feel so special!!!!

we were in a really long, slow line and i see you reading a book so i peek over your shoulder and ask you what book it is and you whip around just to excitedly tell me all about it and now we’re talking about our favorite books, movies, music and both our groups of friends are tired of us but we don’t care also did i mention you’re ridiculously cute???

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give me uhh we’ve been together our entire lives and you go off and fight in *insert whatever war here* but you don’t come back and they tell me you’re probs dead so a few years later, i’m engaged to someone else who i’m not really sure i love but i don’t wanna be alone bc i’ve accepted the fact that you’re dead and not coming back. but you show up a few days before the wedding and wait what??? is that really you? you’re alive??

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Nonsexual acts of Intimacy - Select from the following for my muse to respond to...

♔ : Finding your muse wearing their clothes

♕: Holding hands

♖: Having their hair washed by your muse

♗: Your muse falling asleep with their head in my muse’s lap.

♘: Cuddling in a blanket fort

♙: Sharing a bed

♚: Head scratches

♛: Sharing a dessert

♜: Shoulder rubs

♝: Reading a book together

♞: Caring for each other while ill (specify which party is which)

♟: Patching up a wound

♤: Taking a bath together

♧: Your muse playing with their hair

♡: Accidentally falling asleep together

♢: Forehead or cheek kisses

♠: Your muse adjusting their jewelry/neck tie/ etc.

♣: Back scratches

♥: Your muse crying about something

♦: Slow dancing

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cell phone headcanons

send me “#” for cell phone headcanons about our muses including:                              - what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone                              - what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone                              - what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone                              - my muse’s last text to your muse

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shipping with me includes   :   pinterest boards,  random headcanons,  aesthetics,  being tagged in stuff,  my love  &  support,  random messages,  random plotting,  etc.

what it doesn’t include   :   peace  &  quiet.

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Terrible First Meeting Starters

For breaking the ice in the worst possible way, featuring themes including: kidnapping, murder, stalking, injury, monsters, and just general meanness. [Brackets] indicate spaces to include your own words to personalize your ask!

“Wh-who are you? Where are we? Why are we tied up together?!” “You almost killed me, so no, it’s not nice to meet you.” “Oh my god, are you okay? Should I call an ambulance?” “I wondered when you were going to wake up. You almost didn’t survive.” “Get out of my way before I move you myself.” “Please, let me out of here!” “You’re staring like you’ve never seen a [monster/vampire/demon/etc] before.” “Hey. Pretend you were waiting for me. You’re being followed.” “You don’t know me, but something terrible is going to happen.” “You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.” “Please, someone help!” “You shouldn’t be out here all by yourself this late at night.” “Stop shining that flashlight on me! I’m not a damn ghost!” “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “Shh, don’t scream! I’m not trying to attack you!” “I’ve never seen anything like you before.” “Stand right there and don’t get any closer!” “Now that you’ve seen this, I can’t let you leave and just tell anyone.” “Ugh, my head. What happened to us?” “Is there a reason you’ve been following me for an hour?” “If you come near me, I will scream at the top of my lungs.” “Holy shit. What have you done?!” “Is that blood? Is that YOUR blood?” “Don’t panic, I can explain!” “I promise you, this isn’t what it looks like.” “I won’t hurt you if you just keep your mouth shut.” “Who are you? Where are you taking me?!” “This is for your own safety. I’ll explain later.” “What the hell was that thing back there?!” “There’s something wrong with me. I need your help!” “Please, someone, there’s been an emergency!” “You can’t leave. You’re a witness and now you’ve involved.” “I’m being hunted, and now they’ve seen you too.” “If you believe in any god, I suggest praying to them now.” “Shh! Hide here, and don’t move a muscle.” “Can I walk with you? I think I’m being followed.” “I’m so sorry. I don’t like tricking people, but I had to lure you here.” “Fuck off, this is private property!” “I’ve seen some weird shit, but you’re something else.” “Oh my god. Are you a [monster/demon/angel/etc]?” “Don’t look at me like that, with those eyes.” “That isn’t your blood. What did you do?” “I promise not to tell anyone, just let me go!” “Come with me. I want to show you something.” “You’re not going to eat me, are you?” “You should never have approached me. You don’t know who you’re dealing with.” “Go away, I’m not looking for a conversation.” “You don’t just follow people to their homes! I’m calling the police.” “Please, I’ll do anything, just untie me!” “I’m sorry if I scared you.” “I had to tie you up. You didn’t leave me any other choice.” “I don’t even know you. What do you mean, I ‘have’ to go with you?” “We almost died back there. Maybe we should introduce ourselves.” “Let go of me!” “I’m hurt. Please, I need you to call an ambulance for me.” “You have to come with me, something bad is about to happen!” “I’m not leaving until you tell me why you’ve been following me!” “Seeing as we may not survive, I should tell you my name. It’s [name].”

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* love ♥ starters

‘ want me to stay? ’

‘ we’re almost home. ’

‘ you should be in bed. ’

‘ we can share it.’

‘ stay there. i’m coming to get you. ’

‘ shh, shh. you were dreaming. ’ 

‘ grab my hand. ’

‘ i’m just going to pick you up. ’

‘ everything okay? ’

‘ i won’t leave you behind. ’

‘ don’t worry. better out than in. ’

‘ who did that to you? ’ 

‘ sit down and rest. ’

‘ sweetie, i would never think that. ’

‘ come lay down in my lap. ’

‘ i know you think you’re all alone out there, but you’re not. ’

‘ call me when you get home. ’

‘ we should change those bandages. ’

‘ you’re safe here. ’

‘ honey… ’

‘ of course we love you. ’

‘ wait here. i’ll go run a bath for you. ’

‘ take my bed for tonight. ’

‘ i promise. ’ 

‘ you’re always welcome here. ’

‘ don’t talk like that. ’

‘ bad dream? ’

‘ talk to me. ’  

‘ it’s okay to cry. ’

‘ you need to be more careful.’

‘ we should hug this out. ’

‘ i worry about you. ’

‘ can i hold your hand? ’ 

‘ because i care about you. ’

‘ it made me think of you. ’ 

‘ take care of yourself. ’

‘ put your seatbelt on. ’ 

‘ where did you go? ’ 

‘ i didn’t mean to worry you. ’

‘ i made breakfast. ’

‘ sing something for me? ’

‘ open it and find out. ’

‘ how long have you been like this? ’

‘ you look nice. ’

‘ here, take my jacket. ’

‘ close your eyes and try to get some rest. ’

‘ focus on my voice. ’ 

‘ i meant every word. ’

‘ i was here all night. ’

‘ look both ways before you cross. ’

‘ you don’t have to talk. ’ 

‘ this is your favorite, right? ’

‘ you’ll feel better in the morning. ’

‘ you have a nice laugh. ’

‘ here, take my jacket. ’

‘ you could stay here. with me. ’

‘ we’ll figure it out together. ’

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“I wish it could always be like this.”

“You’re always there for me.”

“The stars are the only thing that makes sense.”

“There’s more out there, you just have to be patient.”

“It doesn’t all have to be existential dread.” 

“You’re so much different when we’re alone.”

“I like it when the worlds quiet.” 

“There’s a place for us somewhere.”

“They’ll name constellations after you one day.”

“Your hearts beating so fast.”

“They don’t know what they want.”

“You don’t know what you want.”

“That’s what they’re supposed to say.”

“We really don’t know what we’re doing.”

“I miss the old you.”

“Nostalgias a trap.”

“Aliens are out there.”

“Did you hear that?”

“I really want pizza right now, think it’s open?” 

“What time is it?”

“But why would they abduct cows?”

“We’ll all be dead soon enough anyways.” 

“I wish we didn’t have to sleep.”

“What do you believe in?”

“What happens after we die?”

“Seems like a silly thing to say, don’t you think?” 

“And what’s your excuse?”

“You’ll get it together soon.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’ll never have it together.”

“It’d be better if people weren’t so afraid of their feelings.”

“You keep quiet and we both lose.”

“I wish I could save this forever.”

“When did you realize you were in love with me?”

“The rooms spinning.”

“I loved you long before you knew.”

“I’m not afraid of death, I think it’ll be peaceful.”

“The Universe is too big for that.”

“Do you think we’ve met in other lives?” 

“I’d come back to haunt you.” 

“Would you come back to haunt me?”

“What’s alternate universe you doing right now?”

“Tell me a secret.”

“Why haven’t you told anyone?” 

“I wish we knew each other sooner.”

“You’re a game changer.” 

“I’m a game changer.”

“Don’t ignore fate.” 

“Ignorance isn’t bliss.”

“What, is that a conspiracy theory?”

“It’s probably the Illuminati anyways.” 

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“You have no fucking idea.”

“Shut your fucking mouth.”

“Get the fuck out.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“What the fuck?”

“How the fuck?”

“What the fucking hell?”

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Why the fuck are you still here?” 

“How the fuck did you do that?” 

“You’re fucking unbelievable.”

“I think we should fuck.”

“You really wanna fuck with me?”

“Watch what you’re fucking doing.”

“Did you just say ‘fuck you’?” 

“What the fuck are you watching?” 

“Where the fuck are we?” 

“How the fuck do we end this?” 

“Where the fuck do you turn it on?” 

“Have you seen this fucking thing?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Why the fuck did you do that?”

“What a fucking surprise.”

“You fucking well know what you did.”

“Leave me the fuck alone.” 

“Quit fucking bragging.”

“Are you here to fucking brag?”

“I said fucking LEAVE.” 

“I heard they fucked your best friend.”

“You know how this fucking movie ends?”

“You know where the fuck i’ll be.”

“Don’t fucking come back until you’re sober.”

“Don’t talk to your fucking mom like that.”

“You’re lucky they’re fucking dead.” 

“They fucking hated you.”

“They fucking loved you.”

“We all fucking burn in the end.”

“Time to atone for your fucking sins.”

“When was the last time you left the fucking house?”

“What did you fucking take?” 

“Wake up, please. Please fucking wake up.”

“They’re fucking dead.”

“Who the fuck did you ask out?” 

“You have no idea how much that fucking ruined me.”

“I fucking believed you. I won’t do it again.”

“You’re fucking beautiful.”

“You fucking well know why that happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me again.”

“They say heartbreak really fucks with you.”