badaswrld

[badaswrld]

the way en pointe hardcore flopped

[badaswrld]

en pointe 🩰 one

bada lee x reader

tw: self harm

♡

“up, up, up!”

your ballet teacher’s voice echoes through your head.

your hands gripped the barre, knuckles turning white as she pushed your leg way too far over your head.

the familiar aching sensation was all you could think of, but you kept your face straight. it was embarrassing enough that she was doing this in front of the whole class.

“does it hurt?” your teacher asked. her glasses were sitting on her nose bridge, her face stone cold.

you stared back at her, expressionless. if ballet has taught you one thing, it’s to never show pain.

“no, ma’am.”

“then why are your extensions so terrible?” she says, dropping your leg back to the floor.

she doesn’t let you answer before she walks away.

you felt the stares of your class, but you refused to look away from the floor, still gripping the barre.

“you all have trained for longer than a decade, why do you dance like you haven’t graduated to pointe shoes?”

everyone remains silent, not wanting to be the target of the teachers rage.

“i don’t care if you’re tired, i don’t care if you’re in pain. i’m tired of seeing carelessness in my class. you cannot afford to be lazy.” she’s nearly yelling by now.

“don’t waste my time.” she says, her gaze lingering on you.

“class dismissed.”

you immediately grab your stuff and speed walk out of the studio, heading straight to the bathroom.

you hold your tears in until you get to the stall, thanking god no one else was in there.

you try to hold it together but you can’t keep it in. you always did fall into old habits.

you hit yourself again and again, your head beginning to feel numb. you’re crying harder now.

you could never be good enough, never flexible enough, never skinny enough. thoughts of quitting went through your head for the thousandth time.

suddenly, you hear footsteps coming closer. someone’s sneakers squeak on the bathroom floor. you abruptly stop your sobs as best as you can.

you hold your breath as the person entered the stall next to you. eventually you had to breathe, and inhaled as quietly as possible.

your hiccups echoed through the bathroom, and embarrassment flooded through you. you decided now was the time to exit. you walked out of the stall and stood at the mirror, wiping your tears.

you were about to leave when a girl walked out of the stall, making eye contact with you in the mirror.

‘dear god can this get any worse,’ you thought.

the girl was very tall and had long black hair with blonde streaks in it. she wore an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, definitely a hip hop dancer.

you immediately broke eye contact with her and scrambled to grab your stuff, your face flushed with embarrassment.

you turned away to leave, but you were interrupted by the sound of a deep voice.

“y/n, right?” you stopped in your tracks, wanting to be invisible. she definitely knew you were crying, and apparently she knew who you were.

you had seen her around before, but you never thought about her, though you found her very attractive.

you slowly turn around.

“how do you know my name?” you ask, before realizing how you sounded. you were successfully fulfilling the stereotype that all ballet dancers were bitches.

the girl slightly smirked. “you’re the only one that gets here before me. i had to ask around.”

“oh…” you say awkwardly.

“i’m sorry, i don’t know your name.” you say, this time trying to not sound so rude.

“bada.”

you nod, instinctively covering your arms out of shyness, attempting to shrink your figure.

“why are you upset?” she asked, leaning against the bathroom counter nonchalantly.

by this point, you’re so embarrassed you just wanted to disappear.

“it’s nothing.” you shook your head.

“i have to go,” you say, turning away.

“wait,” she says.

you stop again, wanting to snap at her, but you control yourself.

“you’re not wondering why i asked about you?” she says, her head tilted to the side.

“um…” you have no idea how to respond.

“i don’t know.” you finally say, confused.

“because you’re the prettiest ballet dancer here.” bada says.

“pretty girls shouldn’t cry,” she says, walking out of the bathroom before you have a chance to respond.

you’re still standing in the bathroom, shocked at her response. you can’t say that you weren’t flattered, but you were still confused. you’ve never even talked to her before.

eventually, you grab your stuff and exit the bathroom.

in the lobby, you purposefully bypass your friends from class, who stood around talking to each other. you hoped they weren’t talking about you.

once you got to your car, you sat thinking about what bada said.

you’re the prettiest ballet dancer here.

you slightly smiled to yourself as you pulled out of the parking lot.

🩰🫧🕊️

you sat on your couch, staring at your phone. you should be in bed by now, but you can’t shake what happened in class today.

you suddenly get an idea.

you pull up youtube and type the name of your dance studio, followed by the name of the strange girl in the bathroom.

hundreds of dance videos pop up, with the name bada lee. you admit that this is weird stalker behavior, but you can’t help but be curious.

you click on a video called “on my mama : bada lee choreography”.

so she’s not just a dancer, she’s also a choreographer.

you watch her dance with another male hip hop dancer. you’re immediately mesmerized. her dancing was so attractive.

it seemed like she was dancing for you. maybe she did it on purpose. she probably liked female attention.

regardless, you still felt nervous when she smiled at you, or rather the camera.

this kickstarted the next two hours that you spent watching her dance videos. even when she was dancing with other people, your eyes were on her.

you couldn’t believe she said you were pretty. you were sure she acts that way towards everyone, though. it definitely seemed like she was a flirty person.

you still felt butterflies watching her.

🫶🏻

a/n ♡

hi 😛 i finally decided to write again and im gonna make this a full series ! also im not a dancer by any means i just thought this was a good idea. im so sorry if i get anything wrong im trying my best!!

also my idea is that the dance studio is like multi discipline, they have several different types of classes. i know it’s typically not like this in real life but this is fiction i can do whatever i want 😇😇

love you

[badaswrld]

yall i haven’t written anything in a hot minute but i have something brewing in my mind 😇😇 first chapter coming soon

[badaswrld]

self promo 🫶🏾

[badaswrld]

She has that type of swag that unexplanatory

[badaswrld]

BADA LEE WTF

©0fftheocean

[badaswrld]

i just want you to post that fic you TEASE 😫😫

should’ve been me

✩ insecure y/n, bpd y/n, hurt/comfort, argument, angst, words of affirmation

🫧

“i want to watch it!!!” you exclaimed while trying to rip bada’s phone out of her hands. you were laying on the couch with your head in her lap, arms swinging wildly. you sat up to reach the phone, which bada was holding high in the air with one hand, using the other hand to shield you away.

“no it’s embarassinggggg” bada whined. she stood up off the couch, still holding her phone above her head. you followed her in suit, on your tippy toes and jumping to try to reach.

you were thinking in the back of your mind how attractive the height difference was, but you quickly shoved that thought to the side and focused on the task at hand.

you tackled her to the ground and successfully grabbed the phone bringing it to your chest and guarding it with both hands.

you laughed and fell backward, catching your breath.

“y/n…” bada sighed as she laid down next to you on the floor, defeated.

you didn’t notice her nervous expression as you pressed play.

“wow you’re so hot im kicking my feet.” you say as you watch bada dance with tatter.

you smiled as you watched, until they got a bit too close to each other. your smile fell slightly.

you felt yourself becoming more upset the longer you watched, but you didn’t say anything.

bada held her breath next to you, dreading your reaction to the ending of the choreography.

you watched as bada brought her hand to tatter’s neck, pushing her head up to make eye contact with her. this was too much.

you dropped the phone to the floor with a flat expression. you felt angry, your chest heating up, but you couldn’t ignore the pain and sadness rising as you laid there.

you hated how bada looked at her with that sensual look on her face. you hated how close they were. you hated that it wasn’t you.

“what the fuck bada.”

“y/n-”

“i didn’t like that.” you said as you sat up, distancing yourself from her.

“don’t be that way, y/n. it doesn’t mean anything.” she groaned, sounding angry herself.

her tone only escalated your anger, as you looked at her in bewilderment. you realized the real reason she didn’t want you to watch it. she never would have shown you by choice, she meant to hide this from you.

you stood up from the ground, followed by bada. you tried to walk away, but she grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face her again.

“seriously?” bada exclaimed.

“i don’t want to talk to you.” you said, shaking yourself away from her touch.

she let you go, watching you walk to your bedroom.

she didn’t know if she should leave you be and go home, or try to plead her case.

—

you didn’t talk to bada for the rest of the night. she decided to stay over, but thankfully she didn’t try to talk to you either.

you were still mad, but as you lay on your bed alone now, the sadness and insecurity started to overwhelm you.

it was 2 am, and you were still awake, thinking, ruminating.

you found yourself wondering if bada was still awake. even though you were angry with her, you still had the instinct to run to her for comfort.

your emotions flooded your mind, and you couldn’t hold it together anymore. tears flowed out as you tried to remain quiet.

you hated yourself in this moment. you felt insufficient, and as if bada deserved better than you.

the problem was you. bada was only with you because she pitied you. she didn’t care for you one bit, let alone did she love you the way you loved her.

you were sitting on the floor now, holding your head and rocking back and forth. you stopped trying to conceal the noise of you gasping for air.

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps from the living room, headed towards your bedroom door.

you immediately tiptoed to the bed and dove under the covers, attempting to pretend to be asleep.

you laid there still as you heard your bedroom door opening and closing, followed by footsteps moving towards you.

you tried to slow your breathing, praying to god that bada hadn’t heard you.

you felt her sit down on the bed next to you, your heart racing.

“y/n, i know you’re awake.”

fuck.

you uncovered your face but didn’t turn to face her. you felt embarrassed that she heard you. she probably thought you were crazy. it was all over.

all the love you felt for her was about to be crushed.

“i love you so much.” bada said as she wrapped her arms around you, cradling your head and slowly rocking you.

you felt her kiss your temple and you immediately softened and fell victim to her soothing touch.

“you’re my beautiful girl.” she said, running her hand up and down your waist.

“it doesn’t feel like it.” you said, tears welling up in your eyes once again.

“i just don’t understand why you felt the need to do that. i understand it’s just choreography but i feel disrespected.” you said.

bada rested her chin on your shoulder.

“i’m so sorry i made you upset. truthfully, the ending part was tatter’s idea. i was scared to tell her that i felt it was kind of inappropriate.” she said.

you sighed.

“but i shouldn’t have agreed to it.” you turned and looked at her. she wiped your tears with her thumbs and pushed your hair behind your ears.

“i should have known how you would feel when you saw that, i put my own feelings before yours.”

“bada-”, you started but she continued.

“i already know what you’re going to say. and no, you are not controlling. you have a right to say something when i hurt you. we’re in a relationship.” she said sternly.

you looked at her with slight astonishment at her ability to read your mind. you had started to feel guilt washing over you, convincing yourself that you were manipulative and that you were too hard on bada.

she laughed ever so slightly at your expression, more of a puff of air through her nose and a small smile. she was looking down at you in adoration, hovering over your body.

“i know you.” she said, cupping your face, running her thumb across your cheek.

“and i know you’ve been in here all alone, feeling like you aren’t good enough or pretty enough, which is all bullshit.”

another tear slid down your face, which bada quickly wiped away.

“you know i would never lie to you. you are the most beautiful girl in this world. you look like a princess.” she said, smiling down at you.

you cried more, trying to cover your face with your hands, but bada grabbed you. “my princess.” she finished with a kiss to your forehead.

she laid her head down on your chest, raising her head up to kiss your neck. you wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her hair with your other hand.

“i’m very sorry for acting immature.” you finally said.

“it’s okay. i know you were just hurt.” she replied.

“do you promise you still love me?” you asked sincerely.

she looked up at you with a slight smile, grabbing your jaw softly with her hand.

“of course i do. i will always love you sweet girl.” she said, gently pressing her lips to yours.

“so much.” she kissed you again and again until she felt you smile against her lips. when she pulled away you were still smiling down at her.

she laid her head down on your chest again, rubbing your stomach gently under your shirt. you leaned down and kissed her head.

“i love you too.” you said.

the comfort you felt in this moment made up for all the negative emotions you had felt that night.

all you felt was safety, and nothing was wrong in the world.

“please talk to me next time. i want to help you when you’re feeling like this.” bada said.

“okay, i promise i’ll be honest with you from now on.” you nodded.

she kissed your waist before sitting up and pulling you into a hug. you felt butterflies as she moved you onto her lap effortlessly, looking you straight in the eyes.

she didn’t say anything, but she pulled you closer into her, rubbing your back while supporting your weight with her body.

you both sat like that for a while, feeling the comfort of each other’s presence. eventually, bada laid you down on the bed and covered you up.

she laid down next to you, pulling you into her chest and holding you. “goodnight,” she spoke with one last kiss to your head.

“i love you,” you said, slightly dozing off from the warmth of her body.

“i love you too.”

🫧

a/n: AHHHHH my first work 🤧🤧 there will be a lot more i rly hope this wasn’t dog shit i kind of got carried away with the comfort at the end lol hope you liked it 🪷

[badaswrld]

AHHHH THANK YOU

should’ve been me

✩ insecure y/n, bpd y/n, hurt/comfort, argument, angst, words of affirmation

🫧

“i want to watch it!!!” you exclaimed while trying to rip bada’s phone out of her hands. you were laying on the couch with your head in her lap, arms swinging wildly. you sat up to reach the phone, which bada was holding high in the air with one hand, using the other hand to shield you away.

“no it’s embarassinggggg” bada whined. she stood up off the couch, still holding her phone above her head. you followed her in suit, on your tippy toes and jumping to try to reach.

you were thinking in the back of your mind how attractive the height difference was, but you quickly shoved that thought to the side and focused on the task at hand.

you tackled her to the ground and successfully grabbed the phone bringing it to your chest and guarding it with both hands.

you laughed and fell backward, catching your breath.

“y/n…” bada sighed as she laid down next to you on the floor, defeated.

you didn’t notice her nervous expression as you pressed play.

“wow you’re so hot im kicking my feet.” you say as you watch bada dance with tatter.

you smiled as you watched, until they got a bit too close to each other. your smile fell slightly.

you felt yourself becoming more upset the longer you watched, but you didn’t say anything.

bada held her breath next to you, dreading your reaction to the ending of the choreography.

you watched as bada brought her hand to tatter’s neck, pushing her head up to make eye contact with her. this was too much.

you dropped the phone to the floor with a flat expression. you felt angry, your chest heating up, but you couldn’t ignore the pain and sadness rising as you laid there.

you hated how bada looked at her with that sensual look on her face. you hated how close they were. you hated that it wasn’t you.

“what the fuck bada.”

“y/n-”

“i didn’t like that.” you said as you sat up, distancing yourself from her.

“don’t be that way, y/n. it doesn’t mean anything.” she groaned, sounding angry herself.

her tone only escalated your anger, as you looked at her in bewilderment. you realized the real reason she didn’t want you to watch it. she never would have shown you by choice, she meant to hide this from you.

you stood up from the ground, followed by bada. you tried to walk away, but she grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face her again.

“seriously?” bada exclaimed.

“i don’t want to talk to you.” you said, shaking yourself away from her touch.

she let you go, watching you walk to your bedroom.

she didn’t know if she should leave you be and go home, or try to plead her case.

—

you didn’t talk to bada for the rest of the night. she decided to stay over, but thankfully she didn’t try to talk to you either.

you were still mad, but as you lay on your bed alone now, the sadness and insecurity started to overwhelm you.

it was 2 am, and you were still awake, thinking, ruminating.

you found yourself wondering if bada was still awake. even though you were angry with her, you still had the instinct to run to her for comfort.

your emotions flooded your mind, and you couldn’t hold it together anymore. tears flowed out as you tried to remain quiet.

you hated yourself in this moment. you felt insufficient, and as if bada deserved better than you.

the problem was you. bada was only with you because she pitied you. she didn’t care for you one bit, let alone did she love you the way you loved her.

you were sitting on the floor now, holding your head and rocking back and forth. you stopped trying to conceal the noise of you gasping for air.

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps from the living room, headed towards your bedroom door.

you immediately tiptoed to the bed and dove under the covers, attempting to pretend to be asleep.

you laid there still as you heard your bedroom door opening and closing, followed by footsteps moving towards you.

you tried to slow your breathing, praying to god that bada hadn’t heard you.

you felt her sit down on the bed next to you, your heart racing.

“y/n, i know you’re awake.”

fuck.

you uncovered your face but didn’t turn to face her. you felt embarrassed that she heard you. she probably thought you were crazy. it was all over.

all the love you felt for her was about to be crushed.

“i love you so much.” bada said as she wrapped her arms around you, cradling your head and slowly rocking you.

you felt her kiss your temple and you immediately softened and fell victim to her soothing touch.

“you’re my beautiful girl.” she said, running her hand up and down your waist.

“it doesn’t feel like it.” you said, tears welling up in your eyes once again.

“i just don’t understand why you felt the need to do that. i understand it’s just choreography but i feel disrespected.” you said.

bada rested her chin on your shoulder.

“i’m so sorry i made you upset. truthfully, the ending part was tatter’s idea. i was scared to tell her that i felt it was kind of inappropriate.” she said.

you sighed.

“but i shouldn’t have agreed to it.” you turned and looked at her. she wiped your tears with her thumbs and pushed your hair behind your ears.

“i should have known how you would feel when you saw that, i put my own feelings before yours.”

“bada-”, you started but she continued.

“i already know what you’re going to say. and no, you are not controlling. you have a right to say something when i hurt you. we’re in a relationship.” she said sternly.

you looked at her with slight astonishment at her ability to read your mind. you had started to feel guilt washing over you, convincing yourself that you were manipulative and that you were too hard on bada.

she laughed ever so slightly at your expression, more of a puff of air through her nose and a small smile. she was looking down at you in adoration, hovering over your body.

“i know you.” she said, cupping your face, running her thumb across your cheek.

“and i know you’ve been in here all alone, feeling like you aren’t good enough or pretty enough, which is all bullshit.”

another tear slid down your face, which bada quickly wiped away.

“you know i would never lie to you. you are the most beautiful girl in this world. you look like a princess.” she said, smiling down at you.

you cried more, trying to cover your face with your hands, but bada grabbed you. “my princess.” she finished with a kiss to your forehead.

she laid her head down on your chest, raising her head up to kiss your neck. you wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her hair with your other hand.

“i’m very sorry for acting immature.” you finally said.

“it’s okay. i know you were just hurt.” she replied.

“do you promise you still love me?” you asked sincerely.

she looked up at you with a slight smile, grabbing your jaw softly with her hand.

“of course i do. i will always love you sweet girl.” she said, gently pressing her lips to yours.

“so much.” she kissed you again and again until she felt you smile against her lips. when she pulled away you were still smiling down at her.

she laid her head down on your chest again, rubbing your stomach gently under your shirt. you leaned down and kissed her head.

“i love you too.” you said.

the comfort you felt in this moment made up for all the negative emotions you had felt that night.

all you felt was safety, and nothing was wrong in the world.

“please talk to me next time. i want to help you when you’re feeling like this.” bada said.

“okay, i promise i’ll be honest with you from now on.” you nodded.

she kissed your waist before sitting up and pulling you into a hug. you felt butterflies as she moved you onto her lap effortlessly, looking you straight in the eyes.

she didn’t say anything, but she pulled you closer into her, rubbing your back while supporting your weight with her body.

you both sat like that for a while, feeling the comfort of each other’s presence. eventually, bada laid you down on the bed and covered you up.

she laid down next to you, pulling you into her chest and holding you. “goodnight,” she spoke with one last kiss to your head.

“i love you,” you said, slightly dozing off from the warmth of her body.

“i love you too.”

🫧

a/n: AHHHHH my first work 🤧🤧 there will be a lot more i rly hope this wasn’t dog shit i kind of got carried away with the comfort at the end lol hope you liked it 🪷

[badaswrld]

would anyone read a patient bada x nurse reader 😲😲 im a nursing student and i want to implement that somehow <3

[badaswrld]

hurts me too

❥ bada x reader

❥ heavy angst, hurt no comfort, depression, severe mental illness, cheating

🫧

“hey… hey y/n,” you hear while bada is shaking you awake.

“it’s 2 o’clock.” she says.

you sigh and rub your eyes.

“you have to stop staying up so late.”

all you do is nod. you can’t sleep anymore. you can barely do anything anymore. without bada, you wouldn’t eat, you wouldn’t shower, you wouldn’t leave the house.

she sighs in response. “i’m going to teach a class and then go out with friends after, i’ll be home later than normal.”

“ok.” you say, flatly.

she brings her hand to her face and rubs her eyes in frustration. she stands up and starts to leave the bedroom.

“love you,” you say, the sound of the door shutting as your response.

you knew it was getting hard for bada. she had to care for you almost 24/7 as well as herself.

you weren’t you anymore.

when it first started, bada was extremely attentive. she was constantly worried about you, doing everything she could for you, crying for you when she was alone.

as the time went on, she got tired of it, and you understood. you weren’t showing much improvement at all.

there were days when you could get yourself up and out of the house, but most of the time you laid in bed, eyes glued to the tv, ignoring everything around you.

you wanted to be better for her, because you felt her slowly drifting away.

flashback 🫧

“it’s been months, y/n!” bada shouted at you, standing over you while you sat on the couch.

“i just don’t know what to do anymore. i’m trying to help you but nothing has changed.”

you say nothing, just staring back at her with a dead gaze. you looked and felt like a living zombie.

“god, stop looking at me like that, i hate it.” she says, sitting down, holding her head in her hands.

after a couple minutes of silence, you manage to speak.

“i’m sorry…” you whisper, tears building in your eyes.

bada looks up at you then, her gaze immediately softening. you see guilt washing over her face.

she moves to hold you, wrapping her arms around her waist, resting her chin on your head.

“no, i’m sorry. that was mean.” she says, kissing your head.

“i need help.” you say, quietly.

she grabs your face softly. “we’re going to get you help, i promise baby.”

end of flashback 🕊

the therapy wasn’t enough. bada had dragged you out of the apartment twice a week for months now. you had showed a slight improvement, but you still weren’t able to take care of yourself.

you would do anything to feel better, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to fight.

flashback again 🌫

“i just don’t understand what’s going on!” bada yelled. another argument. this was becoming so normal for the both of you.

it was usually just bada yelling while you sat and took it.

“is it me? are you not happy with me?” she asks, her eyes starting to glass over.

you don’t respond.

“will you fucking answer me??” she shouts in frustration.

“i don’t know what’s wrong!!” you finally snap, yelling angrily.

she looks at you shocked, as this was the most emotion you have shown in a while.

“bada, the therapist said it was only a matter of time. we just have to wait, im trying.” you explain, agitated.

she stands up quickly, letting her anger take over.

“how much longer? can you tell me that? i can’t do this for much longer y/n, i mean it.” she says.

when you don’t say anything, she walks to start grabbing her stuff.

“bada, where are you going?” you ask.

“i can’t be here right now. i’ll be back later.” she says, flatly.

“wait, bada please-” you’re cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut.

end of flashback 🌊

you were trying so hard to be better, for yourself and for bada. you loved the days when you felt good, when you could appreciate the beauty of life. but they were few and far between.

at this point, bada only talked to you when she was bringing you food or helping you shower. she had almost completely given up.

you laid in the bed for the rest of the afternoon. it was 11 pm now, and you were hoping bada was having fun. hoping she was getting a break from the burden of yourself. you felt like a parasite latched on to her that just wouldn’t let go.

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of bada entering the code to your shared apartment.

you sat up, excited to see her. you were in a rare mood where you felt like talking for once. you missed her comfort when she wasn’t there, even if you didn’t talk. she was your home through it all.

she entered the room with a distraught expression on her face, staring at you with guilt in her eyes.

“bada.. what?” you ask, concerned.

you see tears falling down her face.

“i did something bad,” she said, crying.

“god, i really fucked up, y/n,” she says, pacing around the room with her hands on her head.

you were sure it couldn’t be as bad as she was making it seem.

“ok, just tell me,” you say, eager to hear.

“i met a girl at the bar. we started talking and we were both drunk and i…. went back to her apartment.” she said, unable to look at you.

your face fell flat. “did you sleep with her, or just kiss her?” you asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear it from her.

“…. i slept with her,” you hear her say through choked sobs. she’s looking at you now, reading your face for a reaction. her cheeks are flushed and her words are slurred, she’s still drunk.

you felt a thousand pounds of weight hit your chest all of a sudden.

she sits on the bed next to you, trying to grab your hand. you quickly move away from her touch.

“i can’t..” you say. she nods.

you both sit there for what feels like forever, crying together.

“i’m gonna throw up,” you say, standing up quickly and running to the bathroom.

you’re shaking and crying on the bathroom floor, waves of nausea hitting you heavily. you feel bada’s hands wrap around your hair, pulling it away from your face as you gag, but nothing comes out. you haven’t eaten all day.

you slump to the wall, pulling your knees to your chest. bada sits next to you, not knowing what to say or do.

after sitting with nothing but the sound of you both sobbing, you finally say something.

“ok.. we can.. fix this.. right?” you choke out, in between hiccups.

“y/n, i don’t think we can-”

“stop. you made the mistake. do you still love me?” you ask, angrily.

she hesitates, but responds. “yes y/n, of course i do.”

“ok, and i still love you. so we can fix this. i don’t care what you did.” you say.

“obviously you do care.”

“i do, but i can’t lose you like this.”

neither of you say anything, and you get up to move to the bed, your body feeling weak and sore all over.

bada follows you, looking at you to speak.

“why are you being like this?” she asks, genuinely confused.

“because i love you, i need you. i cant go on without you, bada,” you’re crying again at the thought of living without her.

“you deserve better than this, than me. i cant believe i did this to you,” she cries.

“shhhh. let’s not talk about it anymore. let’s just sleep.”

you pull her into you under the covers. she’s sobbing into your chest, and you feel weird. you’re the one comforting her this time, even though she hurt you like this.

“it’s okay, just forget about it right now.” you say. you don’t want to talk about it right now while she’s not fully in her right mind.

you rub her back, and you can tell she’s exhausted, physically and emotionally. “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry..” she finally says.

you comfort her to sleep, and she’s desperately holding on to you like you would leave her the second she let her guard down.

you lie awake, thinking about everything. maybe this was the moment to bring you back to earth. maybe you needed something big to happen in order for you to snap out of it.

you just knew you couldn’t be without her. she was the only one that stayed with you, all your friends becoming distant as you fell farther into depression.

you truly loved her. no matter what. you had already forgiven her. you couldn’t blame her. you had given her nothing for almost a year now. she just felt hurt and lonely.

you weren’t going to let anything happen to the both of you. you knew you had to be strong, stronger than you’ve ever been before. it’s just one mistake.

you fell asleep finally, hugging bada tight. you just couldn’t let her go.

you were struggling, but she was struggling too.

you were determined to fix this once and for all, for both of you.

a/n: i’m fucking crying 🤧🤧🤧 anyways to the person that requested this i hope you like it <3

also i stole a dialogue of this from the dev patel episode of modern love lol

disclaimer: the reader in this is severely mentally ill. she makes this decision based on that. this is just fiction!!

[badaswrld]

helloooo 🥺 I just wanna say that I love your writing style sm! I can already tell that you’re going to be one of my favorite bada writers on here 🤧 could you write a hurt/comfort fic where bada finds it hard letting people in and tries to self-sabotage by breaking up with reader, but all reader does is reassure her that she won’t go? <3 please tyt ><

thank you sm!!! of course i’ll start writing it soon!! <3

[badaswrld]

so change of plans i was gonna post that request today but i accidentally deleted it so i’m gonna START OVER tomorrow and rewrite it 🤧🤧🤧🤧 it’ll be up tmr!

[badaswrld]

i’m going to fucking AHHHHHHSKWNFJWIA i just wrote and almost finished an entire fic and fucking accidentally deleted it im so irritated right now i worked so hard on it

[badaswrld]

this video is on my mind 24/7

[badaswrld]

hi jo, i loved your first fic!! should’ve been me is immediately a new comfort read <3

could i request something on the more angsty side, wherein bada and reader are in an established relationship except suddenly bada starts feeling distant, and reader finds out one day that bada’s been unfaithful/cheating yet just can’t bring themself to leave? hehe thank youuu :)

oh my goodness this is going to break my heart but i’ll start writing it tonight!!!! thank you for the request <3 🫧

[badaswrld]

i would love to write requests if anyone has any!! trying to come up with ideas is hard lmao spam my inbox 🪷

[badaswrld]

should’ve been me

✩ insecure y/n, bpd y/n, hurt/comfort, argument, angst, words of affirmation

🫧

“i want to watch it!!!” you exclaimed while trying to rip bada’s phone out of her hands. you were laying on the couch with your head in her lap, arms swinging wildly. you sat up to reach the phone, which bada was holding high in the air with one hand, using the other hand to shield you away.

“no it’s embarassinggggg” bada whined. she stood up off the couch, still holding her phone above her head. you followed her in suit, on your tippy toes and jumping to try to reach.

you were thinking in the back of your mind how attractive the height difference was, but you quickly shoved that thought to the side and focused on the task at hand.

you tackled her to the ground and successfully grabbed the phone bringing it to your chest and guarding it with both hands.

you laughed and fell backward, catching your breath.

“y/n…” bada sighed as she laid down next to you on the floor, defeated.

you didn’t notice her nervous expression as you pressed play.

“wow you’re so hot im kicking my feet.” you say as you watch bada dance with tatter.

you smiled as you watched, until they got a bit too close to each other. your smile fell slightly.

you felt yourself becoming more upset the longer you watched, but you didn’t say anything.

bada held her breath next to you, dreading your reaction to the ending of the choreography.

you watched as bada brought her hand to tatter’s neck, pushing her head up to make eye contact with her. this was too much.

you dropped the phone to the floor with a flat expression. you felt angry, your chest heating up, but you couldn’t ignore the pain and sadness rising as you laid there.

you hated how bada looked at her with that sensual look on her face. you hated how close they were. you hated that it wasn’t you.

“what the fuck bada.”

“y/n-”

“i didn’t like that.” you said as you sat up, distancing yourself from her.

“don’t be that way, y/n. it doesn’t mean anything.” she groaned, sounding angry herself.

her tone only escalated your anger, as you looked at her in bewilderment. you realized the real reason she didn’t want you to watch it. she never would have shown you by choice, she meant to hide this from you.

you stood up from the ground, followed by bada. you tried to walk away, but she grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face her again.

“seriously?” bada exclaimed.

“i don’t want to talk to you.” you said, shaking yourself away from her touch.

she let you go, watching you walk to your bedroom.

she didn’t know if she should leave you be and go home, or try to plead her case.

—

you didn’t talk to bada for the rest of the night. she decided to stay over, but thankfully she didn’t try to talk to you either.

you were still mad, but as you lay on your bed alone now, the sadness and insecurity started to overwhelm you.

it was 2 am, and you were still awake, thinking, ruminating.

you found yourself wondering if bada was still awake. even though you were angry with her, you still had the instinct to run to her for comfort.

your emotions flooded your mind, and you couldn’t hold it together anymore. tears flowed out as you tried to remain quiet.

you hated yourself in this moment. you felt insufficient, and as if bada deserved better than you.

the problem was you. bada was only with you because she pitied you. she didn’t care for you one bit, let alone did she love you the way you loved her.

you were sitting on the floor now, holding your head and rocking back and forth. you stopped trying to conceal the noise of you gasping for air.

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps from the living room, headed towards your bedroom door.

you immediately tiptoed to the bed and dove under the covers, attempting to pretend to be asleep.

you laid there still as you heard your bedroom door opening and closing, followed by footsteps moving towards you.

you tried to slow your breathing, praying to god that bada hadn’t heard you.

you felt her sit down on the bed next to you, your heart racing.

“y/n, i know you’re awake.”

fuck.

you uncovered your face but didn’t turn to face her. you felt embarrassed that she heard you. she probably thought you were crazy. it was all over.

all the love you felt for her was about to be crushed.

“i love you so much.” bada said as she wrapped her arms around you, cradling your head and slowly rocking you.

you felt her kiss your temple and you immediately softened and fell victim to her soothing touch.

“you’re my beautiful girl.” she said, running her hand up and down your waist.

“it doesn’t feel like it.” you said, tears welling up in your eyes once again.

“i just don’t understand why you felt the need to do that. i understand it’s just choreography but i feel disrespected.” you said.

bada rested her chin on your shoulder.

“i’m so sorry i made you upset. truthfully, the ending part was tatter’s idea. i was scared to tell her that i felt it was kind of inappropriate.” she said.

you sighed.

“but i shouldn’t have agreed to it.” you turned and looked at her. she wiped your tears with her thumbs and pushed your hair behind your ears.

“i should have known how you would feel when you saw that, i put my own feelings before yours.”

“bada-”, you started but she continued.

“i already know what you’re going to say. and no, you are not controlling. you have a right to say something when i hurt you. we’re in a relationship.” she said sternly.

you looked at her with slight astonishment at her ability to read your mind. you had started to feel guilt washing over you, convincing yourself that you were manipulative and that you were too hard on bada.

she laughed ever so slightly at your expression, more of a puff of air through her nose and a small smile. she was looking down at you in adoration, hovering over your body.

“i know you.” she said, cupping your face, running her thumb across your cheek.

“and i know you’ve been in here all alone, feeling like you aren’t good enough or pretty enough, which is all bullshit.”

another tear slid down your face, which bada quickly wiped away.

“you know i would never lie to you. you are the most beautiful girl in this world. you look like a princess.” she said, smiling down at you.

you cried more, trying to cover your face with your hands, but bada grabbed you. “my princess.” she finished with a kiss to your forehead.

she laid her head down on your chest, raising her head up to kiss your neck. you wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her hair with your other hand.

“i’m very sorry for acting immature.” you finally said.

“it’s okay. i know you were just hurt.” she replied.

“do you promise you still love me?” you asked sincerely.

she looked up at you with a slight smile, grabbing your jaw softly with her hand.

“of course i do. i will always love you sweet girl.” she said, gently pressing her lips to yours.

“so much.” she kissed you again and again until she felt you smile against her lips. when she pulled away you were still smiling down at her.

she laid her head down on your chest again, rubbing your stomach gently under your shirt. you leaned down and kissed her head.

“i love you too.” you said.

the comfort you felt in this moment made up for all the negative emotions you had felt that night.

all you felt was safety, and nothing was wrong in the world.

“please talk to me next time. i want to help you when you’re feeling like this.” bada said.

“okay, i promise i’ll be honest with you from now on.” you nodded.

she kissed your waist before sitting up and pulling you into a hug. you felt butterflies as she moved you onto her lap effortlessly, looking you straight in the eyes.

she didn’t say anything, but she pulled you closer into her, rubbing your back while supporting your weight with her body.

you both sat like that for a while, feeling the comfort of each other’s presence. eventually, bada laid you down on the bed and covered you up.

she laid down next to you, pulling you into her chest and holding you. “goodnight,” she spoke with one last kiss to your head.

“i love you,” you said, slightly dozing off from the warmth of her body.

“i love you too.”

🫧

a/n: AHHHHH my first work 🤧🤧 there will be a lot more i rly hope this wasn’t dog shit i kind of got carried away with the comfort at the end lol hope you liked it 🪷