babybearhayley

[babybearhayley]

Its going on 1:30am, and I can't sleep. My meds aren't making me tired, and my brain won't shut up so I can sleep. I want to wake Rusty up, but he's so tired from this weekend and he has to get up in like 3 hours for work... I don't want to bother him. But I just want to sleep... I guess I'll read instead... 😞

[babybearhayley]

It's 1am, I can't sleep because my back is killing me, and I have hiccups for like the 1000th time today. Hiccups and back surgery don't mix well. I just wanna go to sleep 😩

And I don't wanna wake Rusty up cause there isn't anything he can do for the hiccups or the pain. It's just really annoying that I want to sleep and my body is like no. 🙃

[babybearhayley]

My boyfriend is literally the most amazing person and he doesn't see it at all. He works so hard and puts so much effort into everything and he really beats himself up hard when things don't work out the way he thought. It kills me to see him so angry with himself, thinking horrible things about himself all because of things that he can't himself control.

Babe, when you see this, please know that you are so much more incredible than you know or give yourself credit for, and you deserve to take a moment and breathe. You really deserve everything good in this world, even if you don't feel like you do. You are an incredible person and I'm so incredibly lucky to be the person who gets to be with you every single day, and I wouldn't change anything about you. I love you.

[babybearhayley]

I haven't posted in god knows how long.... But I had surgery yesterday on my lower spine. Surprisingly, I'm doing better pain wise than I thought I was going to. But I still hurt a lot. Thankfully I have Rusty here to take care of me. ❤️

[babybearhayley]

I'm so tired of seeing all of these posts about people either having kids or getting married...

Not that I'm not happy for them, but fuck... I'd love to experience pregnancy again and it's never gonna happen, and unless I win the lottery or some other miracle happens, I'll probably never get married either.

I need a fucking break...

[babybearhayley]

I feel really really sick to my stomach. Like I want to throw up, but I can't. And I don't know if it's the pain causing it or what, but it needs to go away.

[babybearhayley]

[babybearhayley]

That's also because of fucking ✨️depression✨️, but yes.

[babybearhayley]

Its 2am and I cant sleep... My eyes burn from crying after that stupid argument and I want to wake him up and ask him to hold me, but I'm scared to because I feel guilty... But I just want to sleep and I can't.... Ugh...

[babybearhayley]

I would literally sell my soul to look like this

[babybearhayley]

New goal: my thighs to be the size of a monster can

[babybearhayley]

Because they are

You guys ever get the feeling that skinny people are treated better by anyone and everything on the planet for no fucking reason???

Just me? Ok.

[babybearhayley]

[babybearhayley]

straight up. I’m so fucking tired of being fat. I’ve been wanting to be skinny for so fucking long, and yet I’m still just as pathetic as I was 5yrs ago. 

[babybearhayley]

[babybearhayley]

[babybearhayley]

A problem: *Appears in my life*

Me: Oh well, maybe it’s becaus-

ED: IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE FAT