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awkathena-blog · 1 year

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Just saying Hi

The world is in a different kind of war. A civil war of its own. Yea, kinda like high school. South Korea is controlled by Kim Jon Ung idk if i spelled that right. His beloved daughter is not in control yet but I have a feeling she's not gonna be so beloved. I hope everything works peacefully. I don’t even know what the fuck is going on with Africa. Don’t ask me about the U.K. RIght now the world is fighting about who knows what.

I probably shouldn’t tell you this but I’m so drunk. I typed everything [rettty drunk at %:30 pm. I used to hang out at the back yard around this time or in the dining or living room this time. I really miss the old house so much. Yeah I know whatever, it’s just a house.( that my dad worked on and I and the rest of my family have memories at)

That’s why I’m so depressed. Ugh i don’t wanna get into it maybe another time but it’s why my family fell apart. Suckas to suckas

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awkathena-blog · 1 year

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Its me again

It's not just another rant I'm for real this time.

Everything happens for a reason. Is it my destiny to be the way I am? The things that have happened to me? They were all planned. I can have conversations in my head but can’t seem to write it all collectively on something with substance. There are some things I can't bring myself to type, the thoughts in my head are enough. Excuse my grammar, it's rough. I don’t know why I was always overlooked growing up. The only person I had there for me was that house. Even now all I have to talk to is a laptop. I’m wondering if I should talk to an A.I robot but I despise them so much. Yes, I was away in my room most of the time but that house held my family and I thought it was perfect. My dad literally built it for us. I look up to my dad in so many ways. I love him, he's my dad. However, he judged me so much both my parents did. I guess the down side to having a nice house was both your parents being gone for work . We used to have family dinner growing up and we always celebrated the holidays. Cousins came over to see us when we were young., not so much when we grew up. I don’t know there’s a whole other side I don't know. I can’t complain. I've experienced that I know how it was. It stopped when my dad got back from prison. He was just always working all the time. I was about to say we had family dinners when he went away. I was having so much trouble with school. I just had a really hard time adjusting. I was struggling and I wish more people saw. I had a really weird childhood. I wish I was normal. It didn’t make me anything but traumatized. So I’m making excuses for myself. I could be the best version of myself but I keep putting tomorrow off. I wanna feel bad for myself. :{ I think it’s too hard but I’ve done harder things before. I went on a ten mile hike. I learned how to drop in on a skateboard. I was on the honor roll once or twice. Yea whatever. I let a boy mess me up in highschool. I hate thinking about highschool, although the band was cool. Okay do I dare wake up at 6:20 am tomorrow and perhaps start my day off with a 30 min walk? Then come back, have a protein shake and go to my doctor's appointment? I have work later that day so I need to do my self guided mods before my shift. Get that done then do some chores. I also wanna go to the gym so spread some time out for that? It’s leg day. I don’t know when exactly my shift will start but I think it's at four. I’m gonna be sober tomorrow. I won’t even drink at work, I’m an addict and I need to work on bettering myself.

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awkathena-blog · 2 years

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Still not sober and in a abusive relationship that I cannot get out of!! Life is good. I put myself in these situations but I didn’t know that person I was getting involved with was so controlling. I know I can make it on my own and he knows that too. He won’t let me go, I should get the cops involved but that’s embarrassing. Last night he got a helicopter called on him bc he basically kidnapped me. Yupp throw me in my own car when I was trying to go home by myself. I have bruises and my voice is sore from yelling for help. He is the worse boyfriend I’ve even had. The helicopter and police outside my apartment complex. Thank for no one knocked bc I wouldn’t given him up and sent him to jail. I know there’s a time for me to escape, I hope it’s soon :((

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awkathena-blog · 2 years

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Yesterday I made a silver fox in a mustang jealous in my Prius. I pulled behind him and admired his sweet ride, just as a motorcycle pulled into the lane next to me. My attention drawn away, I could feel the foxes frustration through his stare. When the light turned, what sounded like a stampede of dozens of horses came out from the hood. A little startled my attention went towards the sound. I turned my eyes to find his locked onto mine. He spoiled me with a smile and drifted off. Cool like a surfer riding the waves. Whata man