awful-playbill-collages - Tumblr blog

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Graphic Designer: I’m really excited about the Chita Rivera awards! We have a chance to feature a bunch of actors of color - it’ll be awesome.  Editor: We should make it look like one of them is pickpocketing the other.  GD: That’s probably not the best w-- Editor: Oooh and include a high-five with a white actor.  GD: I mean sure but wh-- Editor: Give Corbin a Grinch hand. 

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“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “to talk of many things: Of shoes - and...scripts...and sealing wax - of....no really, why is it written on her face?”

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The mashup you never thought would work

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Ah yes, sepia: the great skin tone equalizer. Don’t want to draw the eye or call attention to your wealth of white people? Make everyone the same color!

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Super-imposing heads over crotches, piggy-back rides on Denzel’s shoulders, and Harry and Ginny’s legs casually tied together for some reason: Welcome to Tony Season. 

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Cate Blanchett is the only one not oblivious to Eva Noblezada’s pain (or this is the most awkward example of pillow talk I’ve ever seen).

And someone clearly worked on this collage from left to right and got real tired right around trying to photoshop Bette Midler’s pincers. Props to Broadway.com, however, for being better at that game. Still a pincer but then, that’s what happens when the producers only shell out a handful of press photos because they have the option to be smug about a well-sold production of a mediocrely-cast classic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Stephanie J. Block really has to pee, and the ghost of Mary Beth Peil has had enough of your shit. Meanwhile, Cynthia Nixon practices her Deborah Norton-style hand exercises.

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I honestly cannot stop laughing at the juxtaposition of Danny DeVito (4′-10″)and Andrew Rannells (6′-1″). Scaling Rannells down makes it look like Danny’s standing next to a My Size Barbie. 

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I call this one “The Creation of Actor” where a god-like Tony Award reaches out its tiny hand and imbues in actress Barrett Doss the spark of creation. 

The alternate name for this piece is “Playbill.com hasn’t learned its lesson about bleeding pictures into one another, and continues to make it look like a performer from one show is fellating a performer from a different show, but everything is fine because 2017.”

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Itttttt’s Tony Season! And you know what that means...Playbill.com has revived their terrible awful no good very bad playbill collages, and awful-playbill-collages.tumblr.com is back to serve up some shade - starting with Laura and Cynthia’s blouse choices for this nominee video - choices that I can only assume were inspired by Playbill.com’s 2016 Tony Award Season Collection. 

Cynthia is grimacing in a color block inspired by that classic Playbill style of fading out people of color, and Laura is simply pursing in a floral inspired by Playbill’s bleeding image trend, traditionally portrayed by someone’s arm floating out of someone else’s forehead. 

We have so much to look forward to this season. If you’d like to submit your own shady take on a 2017 Playbill.com collage (also accepted - Broadway.com, BroadwayWorld.com), visit awful-playbill-collages.tumblr.com/submit

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That guy on the left is like MMmmm yasssss B’s I lovveeeee B’s. *NOM*

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Y’all thought we were gone, but y’all were wrong.

LOOK AT THIS

Is it Christmas or Prom?

Why is ghost Denée latched onto not-ghost- Denée’s arm? Follow-up: Why is Denée Benton being escorted by both Josh Groban AND a ghost version of herself?

Is that a hand, or does Phillipa Soo have a shoulder fin?

And finally - always the question - why are the only people of color in this collage either in Black & White, or faded the fuck down?

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Well now I think Broadway.com is just trolling me.

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Do you think someone was legit like “I want Liza wearing a John Houseman shirt, and Alan Jay Lerner should definitely be massaging a face that’s inexplicably coming out of Yul Brynner’s head like fucking Voldemort”?

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Editor: Okay we’re gonna try something new this time. 

Designer: Please don’t let it be a double-bleed. 

Editor: N...no. Why would you think I’d go in that direction? 

Designer: Noreasonpleasecontinue. 

Editor: So I’m thinking we make each person POP

Designer: Sure, we can do that. 

Editor: I want it to look like the Kids Incorporated intro. 

Designer: Uh....okay....

Editor: But then color in the background. 

Designer: Sure...so make the actors pop against the background. 

Editor: Make it look like Kids Incorporated performing at Sea World. 

Designer: Sure, boss. Sure. 

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Editor: Okay - let’s get  a bunch of people in this one, blend em in - do whatever you have to, as long as we still get a 3/4 body shot of Carolee Carmello in some kind of vest. 

Designer: Uh...ok, sure. 

Editor: You know the game Clue? 

Designer: Umm....well...

Editor: You know, the board game? They made it into a movie. 

Designer: Yeah, I know it...why? 

Editor: Incorporate it. 

Designer: ....is that an upcoming project I don’t know abo - 

Editor: No no no I just love that game. 

Designer: So...incorporate it...like...

Editor: Yeah...like have one person offing someone else. 

Designer: What, seriously? 

Editor: You know what I mean. 

Designer: I’m sure I don’t. 

Editor: Just...make it interesting...unexpected. 

Designer: What, like Wayne Brady offing Kelli O’Hara in the drawing room with a script book? 

Editor: Oh my god that’s brilliant. Perfect. Have it on my desk in 10 minutes. 

Designer: ....... oh for fucks sake. 

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Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water....I just have one question: why does George Takei look so sad and alone here? Could it be because they stamped a giant yellow Y on his face? Maybe. And maybe we’ll never know.