avenuemeow

[avenuemeow]

i feel like. you do not like me anymore. i want to talk to you. you are easy to talk to when she's around. but the conversation stills afterwards. i wonder if i had done something wrong. you are not easy to talk to anymore. i wish you were. i miss you.

[avenuemeow]

i do not know where else to privately put this so it goes here.

i am ashamed and i am angry. i don't know who i am anymore. maybe i am just stupid, but i'm oh so confused and oh so. upset. i do not know. i am not a boy or a girl or non binary or agender or whatever the fuck. i just want to exist, but being just a person is too out of the norm and too fucked up for some people to even consider. i'm just confused, or rejecting womanhood. i hate you. i hate you. i hate them. i want to exist i want to be me and i want to exist. i am here and that is too much for some people. fuck, say i am a girl. i am a girl who likes girls. that is too much that is too strange too weird to fucked up for people to think about i am strange i a, weird i am fucked up i need to be helped i need to be changed i need something but i don't i just need to be left alone i need to exist i need to exist i need to exist is that so hard ?

they say it's for the kids and yet here i am 14 and hurt by them it was never about the kids it was about rejecting it was about conforming it was never about me it was never about us they hate me they hate me they hate me

i sit in my bathroom and i cry because nothing will change it those i love will reject me i am just confused i am just confused that is all i am to them i am nothing more than confused and deranged or influenced i am brainwashed. that is it. that is the simple answer for them. any more thought to it and they'll fucking explode because they refused to look outside of the box they have always lived in. and to think their own kin would reject that is too much. i cannot exist. i will not exist. i am in my own body and stuck. i don't know if i am content like this or suffering like this. i do not know whether to embrace femininity or embrace masculinity i want to both and neither and nobody will accept that.

my own people hate me they hate me do i hate me?

i wish i was a transphobic jackass.

i wouldn't have to put any thought into it then.

i just want to exist.

i am tired and angry and i wish i straight i wish i was a cis person i wish i has the privilege of not putting any thought into this. i wish i had the privilege of only imagining the pain that trans people go through.

why can't i be normal.

i want to be normal.

i will force myself to be normal.

i just want to exist.

[avenuemeow]

god damn sometimes you are a fucking asshole sorry

[avenuemeow]

i was feeling better too and now. i dunno.

[avenuemeow]

god damn sometimes you are a fucking asshole sorry

[avenuemeow]

what is it with you. passive aggressiveness. rolling your eyes at me. tired sighing. avoiding me, almost. just tell me. tell me. FUCKING TELL ME IM SICK OF THIS DHIT PLEASE JUST SAY YOU HATE ME SAY EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY SAY RVERYTHING THATS WRONG WITH ME SAY IT YOU FUCKING COWARD. PUSSY. FUCKING HAVE THE GUTS TO SAY IT TO MY FACE.

[avenuemeow]

not good enough.

[avenuemeow]

i might just be. stupid.

[avenuemeow]

tell me. tell me you hate me. say it with your whole heart. everything i do that annoys you. say it. tell me. i want to hear it. i want the truth.

[avenuemeow]

i think i need. to open about my problems because i think i'm more miserable than i actually realize.

[avenuemeow]

happy birthday jesus christ

[avenuemeow]

i want to cry and cry and cry

[avenuemeow]

i feel like i am. annoying.

[avenuemeow]

i'm just like the hit one direction song lyric "you're insecure"

[avenuemeow]

boy what the hell boy

[avenuemeow]

tmw one of your characters is literally just the worst of your qualities taken to the extreme

[avenuemeow]

i'm a jealous possessive bitch