autisticmagpie

[autisticmagpie]

good evening tumblr! for the low low price of $4.20 i will give you a fact that will ruin your night!

[autisticmagpie]

we don't make enough fun of Batman for not being a vampire. seriously this guy:

nightwalker, lurks in the shadows

goes flying through the city at night hunting down his quarry

romps around in a dramatic ass cape

lives in a gothic manor that is definitely haunted (by the narrative, the ghosts of the past, etcetera)

served by a single devoted familiar servant who seems to share some portion of his strange powers

has multiple fledglings proteges he recruits and trains to share his dark powers

the source of great, often contradictory lore (conflicting reports on his powers/weaknesses/backstory, varies by canon)

unaging (his publication history spans how many decades?)

clearly has some sort of arcane powers superhuman abilities, despite making a huge effort to pass as a Normal Human Guy

autistic bisexual

notice i didn't even mention the whole BAT themed everything. and we're expected to believe this character is NOT a vampire? i'm being baited.

[autisticmagpie]

person trying to get out of a timeloop but they keep getting brutally murdered by the other person stuck in the timeloop, who is having the most amazing vacation of their life and refuses to leave

[autisticmagpie]

wild that "flick the bean" became so popular when we coulda had "rub the nub"

[autisticmagpie]

it's not glamorous, but it's also not honest work, and nobody needs to do it

[autisticmagpie]

Jfc that kitty parade music justmakes it hilarious

[autisticmagpie]

I bet it feels good as fuuuuck to slightly draw your sword with all the other knights in anger when a treacherous knave shows their face in the court

[autisticmagpie]

[autisticmagpie]

crow singing along to flute music

[autisticmagpie]

[autisticmagpie]

I can’t get into it without outing myself and my job, but damn I wish people could figure out how to break the rules on their own. If you involve me, if you tell me you’re going to violate a contract, I am required to do something. I’m not a cop! I’m not a narc! You could simply not tell me this shit! I am begging you to not tell me! Don’t send me an email to my work address that says “I’m going to violate our contract, how would you suggest I do it?” Well first things first don’t fucking tell me

[autisticmagpie]

new variant on “your boos mean nothing; I’ve seen what makes you cheer”

[autisticmagpie]

brains are so stupid they'll be like hey, hey!! you're in danger of death I gotta turn on survival mode and you're like oh shit is there a huge hippopotamus attacking me or something? and your brain will be like no no no it's so much worse. there's someone chewing food next to you

[autisticmagpie]

This was the Sandwich that unalived him.

i'm minding my own business reading the wikipedia page list of sandwiches and like. what kind of metabolism did elvis possess holy shit

[autisticmagpie]

This is fucking awesome LMAOOOO

article link

[autisticmagpie]

it's uncanny how easy it is

[autisticmagpie]

✨ Faggot America Fridays ✨

for some reason when i listen to american idiot i picture the lucky star dance, so i bring you faggot america friday