auties-on-war-dragons

[auties-on-war-dragons]

my name is christine and i work with children with autism

i the first time i hurt a child my boss tells me i am good at my job the second time i hurt a child my boss tells me i am good at my job the third time i hurt a child my boss tells me i am good at my job i like my job i am good at my job positive reinforcement ii my boyfriend hates picking me up after work he says its the sterile environment schools shouldn’t look like a hospital, he says i feel exhausted as i reflect on the sterile, clinical building then i  remember that this isn’t a school this is a treatment center iii i’m so sorry but that is not earning your token stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down stand up sit down iv he asks me if i’ll do the horsie song i’m sitting in the shade and he plummets into my lap before i can respond it is a rare treat for him to speak i can’t help but indulge him, so i sing “this is how the ladies ride, up and down, side by side this is how the horsies go, yippity yi, yippity yo!” he laughs and thanks me before bolting back to the playground v i lose count of how many times i hurt children i don’t know if its the hundreth or thousanth or millionth time i hurt a child i’m holding a spray bottle of vinegar he spits it out after the third time sobbing, he tells me that he hates his life and wants to die six years old the kid sitting next to him cannot speak, and instead starts wailing i’m a bad person, i think i hesitate my boss tells me that i am not doing my job i go home and cry the next day i don’t hesitate positive punishment vi my boss calls all the classroom staff in for a meeting she tells us that we need to stop being so affectionate with the children it is unprofessional and inappropriate, she insists she warns us that we will be put on corrective action for any future offenses a week later he asks me if i will sing the horsie song so i sing him the horsie song after our sessions are over, my boss calls me into her office i am put on corrective action but that’s how you do the horsie song, i argue i warned you, she reminds me vii i am told there will be a few positions open for full time i am encouraged to apply i begin filling out the application i think about the pay raise i think about having my own classroom i think about training new staff i think about what we do i turn off the computer before i finish the application i leave the center and never come back viii my new job is much better but the center is still open less than five minutes away from my apartment hundreds of children still spend their days there stand up sit down no longer seeing it doesn’t make it any less of a material reality

stand up…

[auties-on-war-dragons]

This is a government under investigation by the UN Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities over possible human rights violations. Like fuck are they going to be putting disabled people’s best interests first.

assisted suicide is gonna be debated in parliament later this week and I am fucking terrified :)))))

like, there is no way to make sure people are choosing to die uncoerced when we live in a society that constantly applies pressure on disabled people to die, that devalues our lives and hammers into us how much we are seen as disgusting burdens

also, this will inevitably lead to looser laws, Nancy Fitzmaurice has already been legally ~nonconsensually euthanised~ in this country, how long before other disabled people are killed ‘in their best interest’?

I respect that some people want to die, I look down on no disabled person who has commit suicide, but to start putting into law that suicide should be encouraged and assisted but only for disabled people? is a million levels of fucked up

[auties-on-war-dragons]

She would only hit steel cabinets, and she would only hit them on the edge, because, you see, she wanted to draw blood. I reached over and cracked her one right on the rear. I did not have to reach very far because she was a big fat girl and an easy target. She stopped hitting herself for about 30 seconds because, you see, she sized up the situation, laid out her strategy and then hit herself once more. But in those 30 seconds while she was laying out her strategy, Professor Lovaas was laying out his. At first I thought, ‘God, what have I done,’ but then I noticed she had stopped hitting herself. I felt guilty, but I felt great. Then she hit herself again, and I really laid into her … So I let her know there was no question in my mind I was going to kill her if she hurt herself once more, and that was pretty much it. She hit herself a few times more, but we had the problem licked.

- Lovaas, the father of ABA, talking about how he came up with the way in which to treat his first patient, a 9 year old autistic girl.

That’s your legacy, ABA therapists. Look it in the eye like you force your kids to.

(via differentblogtitle)

[auties-on-war-dragons]

On “romanticizing” Autism

The biggest problem I have with “Stop romanticizing Autism” is that, in saying this, the speaker is treating autism like a terrible disease. Imagine if in every argument like that, “Autism” was replaced with “the flu”. While it’d still be a weird argument to make, it’d make a little more sense more sense – the flu is dangerous, but also temporary and curable. Autism, on the other hand, is not a disease. I am Autistic. Autism is me. It defines a lot of my life. It is the way I think and the way I act. I have always been Autistic and always will be Autistic. I am different, and that’s not bad, though a lot of people want me to think that it is. See, I’m very happy to be me, but then people try to tell me that I shouldn’t be. That romanticizing Autism is dangerous and wrong. That being even content to be Autistic spreads a bad view of what Autism is. When they tell me this, whether they realize it or not, they are telling me that I am dangerous and wrong. They are telling me that these things I can’t control are horrible, and that I shouldn’t be content with who I am until I completely erase myself and act like a “normal” human being.

Do you want to know what happened when I thought I might be Autistic? I cried. I cried with relief and joy and raw happiness. I cried because I finally knew why I was different, why I never fit in. I thought I should be mad at my mother for keeping her suspicions from me for so long, but everything was trumped by glee. I barely knew what Autism was and I was weeping. Now, whenever I see and participate in this Autistic community, I relive part of that joy. Interacting with people that I can finally relate to, who finally understand my “quirks” and interests. All of these positive posts about stimming and special interests and sensory issues – I think, where have these been all my life?

And then someone responds to those posts. Rants about how romanticizing ourselves is “toxic” and “wrong”. Demands, and I quote, “… could you please not fucking romanticise autism???” And my stomach twists. I remember that not everyone tolerates different ways of thinking. I realize again that this person, and so many others, hate me just for liking myself. It makes me think – should I like myself? 

And then I realize what I’m saying and think “FUCK that noise.” I’m happy. I’m happy to be me and I’m happy that I’m not that person and I love this community and everything it stands for. I have a home where people understand, and I’m not going to let one misinformed dickweed take that away from me or anyone else. I am Autistic, and I am the fucking coolest. Why blame myself for what bothers that childish prick? I’m not to blame if they’re in the wrong. Neither is any other Autistic person out there.

To any Autistic person reading this, don’t let them get to you. Say “Fuck you, I’m incredible!” because it’s true. Use that block feature – you don’t ever have to see their crusty ass on your dashboard again. You’re Autistic, you’re incredible, and you don’t need that person’s validation to be happy. 

Sorry this post was kind of all over the place. I needed to share my thoughts on this subject.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Herein lies one of the major paradoxes of (Person First Language): the assumption that it is acceptable to dictate how disabled people should be identified while claiming it is meant to show regard and respect for us.

Emily Ladau, Criptiques

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Can we talk about how autism discourse often revolves around throwing people with intellectual disabilities (and other cognitive stuff) under the bus? Like I’m reading something and it involves literally saying “well at least autistic people can actually be really smart and not have cognitive/intellectual disabilities!” First, autism and intellectual disability are not mutually exclusive.

Second, intellectual disability does not preclude meaningful lives. Intellectual disability does not mean people cannot have input on their own lives and choices.

Stop talking about it like autism is higher up on a hierarchical scale and that’s why autistic people are worth something. People are worth something because they are people.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Awareness says: Here is your child. Unfortunately this is a defective child. Maybe, if you work with this kid hard enough, you will be able to have at least a tiny taste of the joys of parenthood. You will need a lot of money. I am sorry for you. Good luck, don’t expect too much. Acceptance says: Here is your child! Congratulations! Awareness says: This is the list of all of your child’s deficits. Good luck, I am so sorry. Acceptance says: Here is a list of things your child might do differently. Since Autistic brains process things differently, the best approach is to listen to, and observe the child, making necessary accommodations for her to achieve full potential. Awareness says: Your child cannot understand human feelings. Your non-verbal child will never say “I love you” Acceptance says: Your child processes feelings in a way that might seem odd, but the feelings are real. The love received will come back, sometimes in a non-speaking way. Awareness says: Correct those behaviors! Fix this mess! Acceptance says: Behavior is communication. Understand and respect. Awareness says: Don’t trust the adults who “have autism”. They are too “high-functioning” to understanding the heartbreaking struggles of “real” autism. Acceptance says: Everyone struggles. Seek your community/your child’s community for input. Awareness says: Those “low-functioning” people “with autism” cause too much pain. Burdens! Poor parents! Acceptance says: Everybody has something to offer and do contribute when supported. Awareness says: Beware of autism! It will cause havoc in our lives! All these people! How tragic! Acceptance says: Diversity! Neurodiversity enriches our lives. Awareness says: Donate to the awesome organizations that have all the pretty puzzle pieces and all the pretty blue lights! Acceptance says: Support, include everyone! See the difference? Are you Aware of us, or are you striving to Accept us? Because the two are almost opposite concepts.

Amy Sequenzia http://ollibean.com/2015/04/02/i-dont-want-your-awareness/ (via butterflyinthewell)

[auties-on-war-dragons]

people who think autism is an epidemic count “high-functioning” autistic people when using statistics that support their epidemic claim 

but then suddenly they “don’t count” when statistics come out showing the same rate of autism in adult populations as in children 

[auties-on-war-dragons]

i see a lot of allistic parents of autistic kids only loving the imaginary child that supposedly is “underneath the autism” and then having the nerve to complain about their kid not saying “i love you” or hugging them.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

i don’t pass as neurotypical and i’m doing fine

to all the family members and caretakers and educators who think autistic children need to learn to ‘act normal’ so they won’t be bullied: no, they need to be protected from aggressive jerks so they won’t be bullied. just like every other child. and while autistic adults do often need to put on a performance of neurotypicality in the workplace, that is a problem with ableist work environments, not a problem with the autistic adult.

because i’m self-employed, my livelihood doesn’t depend on the biases of a neurotypical boss. so i just don’t bother passing. i wear soft clothes that don’t drive my sensory issues crazy, even though they’re unfashionable. at restaurants, i order the same thing every time. i stim in public, rubbing my buzzed headfuzz and tick-tocking my feet rhythmically back and forth, touching my fingers to each other in a certain order, drumming with my thumbs on my knees or the table or the steering wheel.

i talk about my special interests and let people see i’m excited, and if they don’t want to hear about it, it’s up to them to come up with a subject change. i don’t try to guess what people mean when they’re vague; i say, “i’m not getting it, can you put it in more concrete terms?” i say, “i’m a bit faceblind, i know i’ve met you before but i can’t place you.” i say, “i have loud ears today, can you keep it down?” i say, “nonverbal. text me.” i touch my mouth and pantomime typing.

i say, “i’m autistic. here is how to accomodate my needs.”

if i’m the disabled one, i shouldn’t have to accomodate you. stop demanding that disabled people accomodate abled people. you’ve got it backwards.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Part of my actual official recording (behavior) sheet from Judge Rotenberg Center. Just some of the things I was shocked or it in trouble for. There is much more too. Under MDIS2 is I get shocked for having “5 IVB1 in an hour” at bottom shows what IVB is- talking to self, laughing etc. JRC claims they only shock major behaviors. Liars. See MDIS1- I also got shocked for “touching telephone, tic like body movements (I have Tourettes), hand movements in front of face, jumping up and down etc and much much more. This is only part of my sheet

[auties-on-war-dragons]

“Faces difficulties you and I willnever have to” aka the “I don’t think disabled people can read” phrasing.

Seriously, stop assuming your audience is composed entirely of non disabled people. We exist. We can read. We’re here. Reading your ridiculous articles.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Today someone decided that autism was cause by: an economic decline causing several silverware factories to be shut down which resulted in a worldwide decline in spoons

[auties-on-war-dragons]

you wouldn’t download a neurotypical

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Sabotage disguised as acceptance

Acceptance is important. It’s one of the most crucial skills disabled people can develop. We have to learn to see ourselves as we are, and accurately

Acceptence is constantly, constantly undermined from a number of directions.

One of the most insidious things undermining acceptance is contact with people who speak in positive terms, but don’t believe in our abilities or agency even a little.

They will often call what they are doing acceptance, while at the same time doing everything in their power to convince us that disability means that we are fundamentally incapable of doing anything, that we shouldn’t try, and that we should just let them take over and run our lives.

This is fairly common in a certain kind of toxic parent community. (It’s also a common abuse dynamic in relationships between adults). Here’s part of the parent version:

Sometimes when parents say “My child is perfect the way she is,” what they really mean is “I don’t want my child to gain any skills that will enable her to separate from me, and I’m going to make sure she doesn’t.”

Some parents like this will give their disabled child anything but respect. For instance:

Some parents will give nonverbal children anything they point to

And will supply a lot of whatever their child expresses interest in

But no matter how old their child gets, they never stop treating them like a toddler. Even when they’re well into adulthood

And they don’t teach them about the world

Or talk to them about anything complex

Or try to find out what they think about anything more complicated than which objects they like

And won’t do anything to give them access to more complex communication

They will say that there’s no need for that, because their connection with their child is so deep that they understand everything they mean

That’s not true. Loving your child doesn’t make you a mindreader. Here’s a good post by a parent on the damage that approach does.

Even if parents infallibly knew what their child was thinking; kids need to be able to communicate with people other than their own parent

(Particularly since most children outlive their parents, and kids who can only communicate with their parents eventually end up unable to communicate with anyone)

Some parents will do anything for their disabled child — so long as it doesn’t run the risk of their child becoming more autonomous and less dependent on them. Eg:

Some parents prefer to carry disabled kids who are capable of learning how to walk

Some parents will put a lot of effort into making sure they’re always available to push their kid in an adaptive stroller, but adamantly refuse to get them a wheelchair they can propel themselves

Some parents will spend massive amounts of time putting their kids into complex outfits daily — and refuse to buy them any clothing that they can put on and take off independently

Some parents will allow their disabled child to do anything — except show consideration for others or develop reciprocal relationships not orchestrated by parent’s script. Eg:

They’ll allow their kid to boss people around at home, but they won’t let them go to any other kid’s house, ever, claiming that it’s somehow unsafe (even if their kid doesn’t have complex medical needs)

(Parents who do this often also do things like recruit children to come over and act like friends according to the parent’s script. For instance, by playing a game with their child and letting them win.)

Sometimes children who get overloaded hit people, are embarrassed, and want to apologize for hitting. Parents in this mindset tell them that it’s ok, that they couldn’t help it, and that they shouldn’t worry about it and definitely shouldn’t apologize.

Doing this kind of thing is not disability acceptance, even if the one doing it describes everything in flowery language. Sabotaging a child’s independence is not acceptance. Forcing a child into dependency is not acceptance. Destroying a child’s ability to engage in reciprocal relationships is not acceptance. Treating an adult as a child is not acceptance. Treating a disabled adult as a puppy or a plant is not love. That kind of stuff is just ableism.

People who say things like that aren’t accepting us as people. They’re saying that we’re not full people, and that they get spiritual satisfaction from having unpeople around.

We’re people. All the way down. Real acceptance is about seeing us as full human beings, acknowledging the impact disability has on us, and committing to finding ways to accommodate disability.

tl;dr Treating disabled children and adults like puppies or toys is never ok, even if you call it acceptance and positivity.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

Given recent events, I wanted to leave a little update as to why I was taking an extended (possibly permanent) break from Tumblr, rather than just shuttering with no explanation.

It is now two weeks since I was the victim of a vicious, unprovoked doxing by a spurned ex-suitor who had been cyberstalking me for a number of months. My attempt to have Tumblr intervene in the situation was worse than useless. In fact, the official response they sent advised me: “If a contact email address is listed on the blog, we recommend you work directly with the author to have the content in question removed or changed.“ This is not only inadvisable, but potentially highly dangerous - the police were horrified that this was the official line taken in response to a stalking situation.

This directly contradicts police advice on stalking: “Do not respond in any way to calls, letters, or conversations. If you ignore the phone nine times and pick it up on the tenth, you will send the message that persistence pays. Once they have your attention, they will be encouraged to carry on.“

By comparison, I was pleasantly surprised by the way that the Metropolitan Police handled my case. The PCs who took my crime report were sensitive, helpful and took the matter very seriously. (I am, however, aware, that, being White and Middle Class, I have the Privilege of being the kind of person that UK Police are inclined to take seriously.) In many ways, it was a relief to hand the matter over to professionals, who examined the evidence* and concluded that yes, there was a clear evidence trail for stalking and harassment. The most chilling moment, for me, was when the PC looked up from reading the evidence, and commented, “You realise you are probably not the first person they have done this to; and it’s highly unlikely you will be the last.” But it felt very validating to present the situation to an objective outsider, and have not just a friend saying “Wow, that is so not OK” but a Police Officer assuring me “You were right to come to us, this is evidence of a crime.” I don’t know if I’m relieved or horrified that my case fits a textbook pattern of stalking, but this is a known pattern of escalation.

*No, I was not comfortable at having to hand over highly personal emails, screen grabs and print-outs to the Police. But the one good thing to come out of the traumatic and frightening experience of encountering this individual’s 5-page screed was being able to move from “this person has been making me very uncomfortable” without really being able to point to a specific incident, to “Here is direct, written, incontrovertible evidence both of stalking and intention to cause distress.”

The PCs seemed quite clued-up on partner violence, and talked me through the process of what to expect from a police investigation, and what would happen next. If the Perp lived in the UK, the Police would contact them, and deliver an official letter saying (in the PC’s words) “if you even attempt to bother this person again, we will arrest you.” But therein lies the rub. The Perp in this case lives in The States. UK Police have no jurisdiction in the States. (The only way UK Police can serve papers on a US Resident would be to extradite them - we all agreed that bringing this person any closer was the last thing we wanted.) So this has reached a legal impasse; the awkward situation where the Police agree that a crime has taken place, there is now a Police Record of it, but are unable to pursue the matter further.

The Sergeant in charge of the investigation recommended that I attempt to take it up with Tumblr again (providing the Crime Reference Number as evidence that there has been a police investigation) but so far I’ve had no response. Tumblr, repeatedly, do not seem interested in enforcing their own Community Guidelines. I do not want to leave Tumblr; for the most part I highly enjoy the service and have grown very attached to my mutual followers. But given the situation, I will be following police advice and leaving, possibly indefinitely.

Thanks for reading. If you want to help, please publicise how inaccurate, irresponsible and potentially dangerous Tumblr’s official advice to the victims of stalking is. Unfortunately, I am far from the only person this kind of thing has happened to. Imagine, if you will, a teenage girl, too terrified to tell her parents what is happening to her, let alone the police, receiving official advice from Tumblr advising her to contact her stalker. This is hideously irresponsible! Please pressure Tumblr to change their advice and their reaction to these kinds of cases.

[auties-on-war-dragons]

@ everybody without a personality disorder

does ur anti-ableism includes people with personality disorders that give them traits you find undesirable due to their association with negative stigmas about mentally ill and neurodivergent people?

does it?

why not?