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take everything I say with a hint of garlic, ginger, spring onions and a dash of soy sauce

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once you start saying shit like "yayy" "yippee" and "hehe" theres no going back

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Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either

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if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

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So many of the critters that take up residence in human homes are simply species that are cave-adapted. Spiders. Crickets. Millipedes. Isopods. Bats. Your house is a cave to them and they think you are also a cave-adapted organism.

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tumblr glitched out somehow but idc because this is way better than the original poll

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the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating

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#Elmo's so real

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recently we were out on a hilltop taking photos of the comet and suddenly some car's headlights blind us from across the bay. literally four miles away.

who the fuck is out here with these nuclear fusion powered headlights. who puts naval searchlights on their fucking toyota tacoma.

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John Salt (British, 1937-2021), Black Ford in Field, 1972. Oil on canvas, 48 x 72 in.

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I just got described as an "ad hating commie" by someone because I said a minute of youtube ads is unpleasant. fully spent 5 minutes arguing and defending youtube ads. insane stuff

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she's ok with the baby being mind controlled

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buddy its november

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Me reaching what looks suspiciously to be the end of my rope: oobh i got plany off rope

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it’s small joys saturday y’all let’s get it