atrixfollies

[atrixfollies]

Very beautiful and wholesome message! I just felt like sharing it cos I think this can help a lot of people to feel better. I know to me it does! ^^

Allow me to tell you my story...

I'm bi, but I'm also pan and sapiosexual. ( it's the people who feel attracted by the intelligence and moral qualities of someone) and for most of my life I didn't know it.

I first noticed it all this when was 15, but back in the 90's there wasn't any info about it. The community I lived in was a small, religious town, where sexuality other than straight was taboo and wrong.

If you weren't straight, they looked at you like if you had killed a ton of kids or something like that. So I always felt like a weirdo in my teens for feeling attracted and having a crush for both female and male cartoon characters or celebrities. And I felt bad for liking them them that way, and that feeling tortured my soul for years.

I didn't wanted to live like that feeling I was a freak. So I tried research, to look up for answers. And it was a long journey to research for the info and read, to analyze and to discover what I liked on the sexual field and why and what I didn't like.

First I thought I was ace cos I haven't had interest on anybody from my school. But then I realized I could have a crush on actors/actresses & I liked both male and female anatomy.

When I was 19, I felt in love with a female friend I met online, although I never told her about it...cos I knew she was straight and liked men. But at least that helped me to I realize I was bi.

Then I researched more and I realized I was pan cos I'm mainly attracted to intelligence, voice and personality. Like, if someone has a voice and personality I love, I'll fall in love and I'll be attracted sexually to this person regardless of their gender or how they look like.

Then when I had the info I tried tell my family and friends I thought they loved me and cared about me and I thought they weren't going to judge me. My old friends from highschool and my family. But they did judge me.

My female friends didn't wanted to hang out with me as they used to or undress on sleepovers when I was around, because they thought I was going to have a crush on them, they felt uncomfortable around me. And my male friends said I was gross and greedy, and didn't want to talk with me again.

So yeah, I lost the the few friends I had for talking about that..

My sister and my mom also judged me. They tried to take me to a phycologist because they thought something was wrong with me. And even nowadays, I'm not sure if they love me the same way anymore....

Later, when I was 23, I fell in love with a guy who I met online, but didn't wanted to date me because he said one day I'd fall in love with a pretty girl and I'd abandoned him for her. And he didn't talk to me after that.

And since then I never talked again about that subject...

And every day I wonder...if I did the right thing with talking about that kind of stuff...

But what is done, can't be undone.

Now I have no friends or anybody I have a close relationship with, and I always feel terribly lonely..

And every day I regret of that and I wish I never had talked about it to the people I cherished or cared about.

And I don't know why I talk about this now...

But I think I feel the need to talk about this because people need to know:

🌈Being pan/bi or sapiosexual doesn't mean you like promiscuity and that you love to bunk with random people every time you have the chance.

🌈It doesn't mean either that if you fall in love with someone and get in a romantic relationship with that someone, one day you'll leave that someone for someone else.

🌈It doesn't mean you don't like monogamous relationships. Nor that you will cheat on your loved one.

That's not true! I mean look at me! I'm 31 years old and I have never had a sexual relationship in my life. It's because I would like to wait for the right person who would love me the way I am and who I can love the same way!

It's something that I've been dreaming almost a lifetime: Finding true love! And having a relationship based on mutual love and respect.

And I don't care of how much I need to wait, cos a dream as beautiful and awesome as this worths the wait.

It worths the wait!!

I feel like some LGBTQ+ people need to hear that it isn’t their fault if their loved ones don’t accept them.

And it isn’t. No matter what the reason is, what they say to you, any circumstances at all- it isn’t your fault. It isn’t ever your fault.

If they love you, than they should accept you- Even when it’s confusing or hard for them, they should always support you. That’s on them, not you. 

I’m really sorry if you’re going through this right now. I truly hope that they come around, and soon. But in the mean time, please remember to never blame yourself.

[atrixfollies]

I’ll be ‘on the bench’ a couple of days.

Hey howdy folks! How you’re doing!

I know I haven’t posted new drawings for a good good while, but it’s cos it’s been a whole lot of things that have happened so fast that I couldn’t get time to write it before. A whole lot of things!!

First my mom got blood pressure issues, then heartbreak I had with that dude that at the end happened that turned out to be (or he was already but he didn’t realized before I dunno) gay, and later my mom had an accident in her job and now she’s got back problems. So she can’t work now, so I had to find a second job to help her with her household expenses and also keep paying my daily bills, groceries, and all that stuff.

And right now, my mom is better, but now it’s me who’s having health issues! :(

I’ve had a rough week starting, because this weekend I had a lot of ear ache and fever. But since there’s no doctor working on weekends in my city, it was until  today I went to the doctor for a check up, and she told me I have otitis!

And that it has been getting worse and worse over the time, and asked me why I didn’t get an appointment to the doctor sooner.

In fact, it’s been like since a month and a half I’ve had itch and pain on my ear, but before it wasn’t that intense as it is now, so I’ve been trying some home remedies for it (which didn’t work, by the way) but not cos I didn’t want to go to the doctor, but cos before I had no money for it.

It was until I got my first payment from my recent comission work, my new job (the second I’ve recently got) and my frist job (the one I’ve got on the start of this month of March) that I could get enough for it.

Anyways, to make the story short, the doc said that ear infections are dangerous, but that she thinks I came up in good time before having damage on my ear. So she prescribed me a strong antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory. So I think I’ll have to rest for a while.

So I’ll probably be “on the bench”  for a few days, probably 2 or 3 days at least, because I’ll be a bit lethargic due the medicine for a while. But I hope I can feel a bit better by Wednesday or thursday to make my stream on twitch this week. If I don’t feel better by that time I’ll let you know, too. So you don’t wait for nothing.

So that’s all folks! Please pray for my little ear to get well! Take care, and remember I always think of you and appreciate all the love you have given me, my wonderful and amazing sea peeps! <3

[atrixfollies]

Hey howdy folks! Hope you’re doing good! 

I know I haven't drawn that much in these times due my new job, but I've got some free time this weekend, so I have a surprise for you!

it's not super ellaborated...but it is fresh! I just finished to do it cos I felt inspired. It's our beloved Ant! ^^

I felt like experimenting a bit with poses and expressions.

I would like to know your opinion folks, which one do you prefer, shocked Antoine, or super shy Antoine ?

Both look cute in any case I think 🥰

[atrixfollies]

Hey howdy folks! How you’re doing? You know I don’t partake on April’s fools day, so for me it’s just like any other day XD

Sorry I’ve been a bit offline in these weeks, but I’ve been a bit busy taking care of my mom and taking her to doc appointments. She suffers from blood pressure issues, and later she got something else, but it’s a long story, and I’m too tired to talk about it now, so I’ll probably talk about it later in a separated post.

Right now I just like to come and share this one drawing! I’m glad to say I finally could add a background to this Antoine drawing I did on november 25 of 2020!

I’ve made the background separetely and then I put the drawing in it, that is also traditional, but I pasted them together digitally, and I also improved the text. Hope you like! It feels really good to finally finish this drawing! :D

Hope you like! It's my way to thank you folks who still follow me, despite of the difficulties I’ve had on my everyday life to post new art, you keep waiting patiently so you deserve it! What happened with this art in particular it's that when I was doing it, I was having a busy life and I guess I got tired of working on this piece XD

But I thanks goodness I saved this one on my staash, so I could work with it now. And I really liked the result! I think you would like to know I finally managed to draw him well on the original satAm style…well sort of at least hehe. The legs are still a pain in the butt! XD Or maybe I should just be grateful for the inspiration to draw no matter if it’s not perfect? 

I’m just glad to recover the inspiration and that I could finally add a background to this drawing!  It’s been a good while I wanted to draw our Ant being scared. Just because he’s too cute when he’s like that hehe. I’ve read recently a review of satAm who says he’s annoying (that review said everyone was annoying by the way so XD not to take it seriously) and his moans and yells when he’s scared are annoying, but I don’t think so, they are adorable!!! They melt my heart and I feel like I should protect him. Specially with Rob Paulsen’s voice! Oh mon Dieu !

 That man’s voice is so hot!! Is something special, is a world’s heritage! I’ve never heard (or not that I can remember, but let me know if he have please!! Mmmh although I think if he’d say that I’d remember it..) Antoine saying “oh lala” on SatAm, but I’m sure it’s something he’d canonically say!

I think what I liked more about this drawing is the shy and scared bladder gauge, because *chuckles*

If you wanna give it an eye to the first drawing,  it was THIS ONE 

Oh, also, the quote of the idea for this drawing, in case you forgot why I did it:

“The drawing, I did it cos I’ve been having this idea on my mind: Antoine utterly desperate to pee + something that suddenly scares him =….

….surely you know where I’m going with this hehe! ;) So here I imagined the freedom fighters being on a mission to stop one of robotnik’s plans, and then antoine getting desperate to pee on the way there.

So this is why he says “I hope there’s a bathroom where we will go”. And I like to write dialogues because (as I said some time ago I think) when I read the dialogues I imagine the character’s voices in my mind, and that’s truly awesome!  Right now I can hear Rob Paulsen’s voice saying that my mind! ^^ Can you?”

[atrixfollies]

This may sound rude but, why did you put all your hopes and inspiration and all that stuff on just one person? Did love just blind you? Didn't the possibility of him not being interested in you ever crossed your mind?

Ah don't worry, I don't consider it rude. It's a very valid question :) And yeah, in fact, I think this is what happened, for a moment love blind me.

But this one was an unique case situation. I'm usually very careful to who I give my support and put my hopes on, precisely to avoid being hurt and situations like this one. This case I think I rushed into conclusions that he appreciated me when he followed me, in great part because I've been having a lot of real life difficulties that were making me feel down/discouraged, so I had not the best mental state to think straight, as I usually do.

However, that's an old history now, don't worry.

I'm very blessed to have peeps who care about me and who were there when this happened to show me their support and love, and there's even one of them who made me a giftart!

So, at the end I realized that in fact I didn't put all my hopes on him as I thought, cos I have a other peeps who inspire me. Not only because of their art, but also because of their genuine love and care about me!

Which it's really cool, and means a lot! So no I'm not going to retire from art or anything. Au contraire, I'll keep making art, and even more than before! And I'll do it for myself, and the peeps who genuinely love me and my art!

[atrixfollies]

This is the cutest and most romantic promp ever! J’adore! <3 

When Dolores is desperate and there’s a lot of water sounds, Mariano holds his hands over her ears so she can hold herself ❤️❤️❤️ This Himbo will do anything for his girl

[atrixfollies]

Just cos this helps me to clear up my ideas.

I wasn’t sure if talking about this, because it's a delicate subjet. But it's not something I can hide.  Sooner or later everything that happens to me in rea life gets reflected on my art anyways, so, I thought it might make good to my soul and mind to talk about it a bit. And finally get over this issue.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying so hard to befriend this artist since last year’s December. I’ve been neglecting my personal art projects and my comission work, and spent the very few free time I have (when I wasn’t at my job or looking for a job) trying to "make things clic" with him. But things didn’t really turned out well for me. I have the worst luck you know...

Also, I write this in order to not worrying my mom more. I've talked about this with her today because I needed a bit of comfort, but now I feel guilty cos I just gave her extra stress and made her feel bad without intention. She's got a lot of things to worry about, finantially, health (she has high pressure issues) and also issues with my dad cos he cheated on her, and they are getting divorced. And it's been hard for me and my siblings too. I don't want to bother my friends personally either, because I know they have busy lifes as well, and a couple of them are passing through even hardest times than me in this moment.

So…On December last year I found a fellow artist I fell in love with him.

He’s an illustrator, 2D animator and an streamer like me. And honest to god, he has the most beautiful and cool voice I’ve ever had the pleasure to hear. Combined with a very heartwarming, positive and enthusiastic personality. He have a lot of things in common also in personal tastes I realized.

So I tried to befriend him, as it was natural, cos I think new friendships with artists I admire are always cool. Also, is a good base to lead to a romantic relationship in the future, and that's what I aspired. So I went to watch his stream when I could, and I tried to give my feedback in his artwork posts on twitter and dA, and in general, to make him know his art worths a lot. But it didn't worked...

Time passes and I thought I had at least catched his attention, because he started to follow me on Twitter. So I felt myself lucky and I thought to take the advice that my mom and a friend gave me, and to try to get closer to him to buid up a good friendship, and I was planning to tell him about my romantic feelings for him after being friends. Because I didn't want to rush things up. I wanted to know him a bit better before being vulnerable in front of him.

So that was my plan. And I thought it was a good one…it seemed like a great plan.

So time passed and I tried to hang out with him, to talk with him, but he didn't seem to be interested on me as a person, or as an artist either. On all that time, he only replied a couple of my messages, and even so, it gave me the impression every time I talked to him, he felt like if I was bothering him. so I couldn't stablish a friendship with him as I planned.

…But that's not the worse! The worse it's that, yesterday, I went to see what was new on my social networks, and saw on his Twitter a post about him meeting a girl a few of days ago on an online game, and announcing they were dating.

Which it’s strange to me cos it’s a person who appeared from nowhere, recently joined to twitter and has only 1 tweet O_O And if you google for her with that nickname she has on twitter, there's nothing about her on other sites on the internet. Plus, he knew her just a couple of days ago. In my case, I know him since last year.

Well in any case. As you can imagine…this is probably the end for this story.

And the end of my hopes to find a true love, who I can love and who loves me back…

Cos you know, I’m one of these peeps who, when they fall in love, their heart belongs to only one person. So this probably means…

…that I’ll be all alone for all the rest of my life.

I feel devastated! This news broke up my heart to the core.... ...into very tiny pieces, and I think they cannot be put up together again…

At least right now I think so...And honest to God I don’t know what to do!

What I should do now? Should I keep following him and supporting his work and try to build up the friendship? Or should I just unfollow him and remove him from my social networks, to not suffer in the future?

Why God lets these things happen?...

And most important What I can do to take away the pain?….

Also… I can’t help but wonder if I picked up the wrong advice, I mean, if I was too slow and I should just have told him my feelings when I first met him like another a friend advised me, instead of waiting, like  my mom advised me.

I also wonder if I’d ever had any chance with him, too. I mean, seeing how much I struggled to make him notice me, maybe I wouldn’t have had much chance with him anyways. I think if he was in love with me whe we first met, he would have payed attention to me since the beginning and talked to me…and commenting on my art and liking it, and that didn’t happen.

One doesn’t choose to who you fall in love with…it just happens. And right now I feel like the feeling that it's conveyed in this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEnUhjmwjlI

…But well, one can choose what to do in the case things don’t come out well for you and you’re not loved back.

I do love him, I love him with all my heart! So I only wish for him all the happiness in the world, and that all his dreams and his artistic projects come true! And of course, I’d still like to keep supporting his art, and I'd still like to be part of his life, even if not in a romantic way, but I still would like to become a good friend to him one day. So I think I can't help... I’ll always love him and support him, even if he never loves me the same way. Or even if he doesn't love me at all? Because  that’s how true love is. When you love someone, you want their happiness, and you're happy if they're happy, even if they don't love you back.

In the other hand, I've talked with my mom and she told me that I was being dumb with this way of thinking, and that it was better for me to just forget the dude, since he clearly wasn't interested in me. 

And that by keeping supporting him and his art knowing he doesn't care about me I was going to be even more stupid cos it was going to be hurtful for me in a long time terms, and that is like if I didn't have any dignity. So, it's actually a case of lack of dignity what I have? I wonder.

In any case, right now I'm seriously thinking I'm going to dismantle all my art related sites and retire from art.

Parce que putain! Almost all my future artistic projects (wether animation or illustration, or artcrafts) were inspired on him. So right now, that I've realized he doesn't appreciate me, not even as a friend... I feel like all my motivation and inspiration to art it's gone! Et ça fait sacrement mal au coeur!!

So I frankly don't know what to do... So yesterday I spent all day and night crying, and praying God…I prayed to seek God’s wisdom.

And I hope he can give me the strength and the wisdom to do the best thing in this situation…I hope I can find the answar that will help me to find peace and solace in my heart…

[atrixfollies]

Oh I really like this! The expression it’s so cute and the body language helps a lot !

The poor elf just can't catch a break- which, he wouldn't mind, if he hadn't been holding it in all day-

[atrixfollies]

 I’m on the same boat than you mate, my old pc crashed years ago, but thanks goodness I’ve just recently bought a desktop pc. So I think I can help you with this! :D

I used to work with both, photoshop and illustrator for a long time (10 + years) . That was until adobe had the “brilliant idea” of making artists pay every month a license for using their software. Which I think it’s very unfair to artists like me who are poor and don’t have money to pay every month. In my opinion a software should be bought and paid only once, not every month like you were paying a TV cable subscription or something like that! XD So I no longer use those since a good while. My license for those expired and 

The software I use and trust on since 5 years or so, and I highly recommend, it’s Krita. 

Why? Because Krita it’s a software of free license that doesn’t have anything to envy to photoshop or illustrator. 

* You can download it for free and install on your pc without paying any cent. 

*It’s very easy to install, and even more easy to use.

* It works with layers like photoshop.

* It’s got lot of drawing tools and a wide variety of brushes and erasers. And some of them are cooler than a lot of other painting software’s ones ^^

*It’s sensitive to pen pressure, so it works very well with tablets.

*It’s compatible with almost every image file existing format. JPG, PNG, GIF... and even the PSD file itself! :D So, I’m grateful with this software, because I can still work on my old photoshop unfinished drawings /that were psd files) on Krita!

*It’s light. It doesn’t take much space on your pc’s hard drive, or memory ram. So you’ll have a software that works fast and will not take all the place on your pc.

*It has vector features. 

*It has every existing language avaliable. And you easily can change it anytime you like.

* The exporting files to image format are of such an excellent quality.

* If it crashes, it saves a recovery copy automatically.

There’s some other software I’ve heard of, like Clip art studio, and art rage. ButI haven’t yet tested them cos I don’t have the money for it. So I’d say go with Krita  ^^ It’s the best thing you can do! (also yes, that one’s my drawing XD I thought it would be useful to give screenshoots of the actual software. )

D¡g¡tal artists : advice pls

To any and all digital omo artists: please advise me* on current drawing programmes and animation/animatics softwares---

✨ Which ones do you use? :)

For ...reasons... I didn't manage to keep with the times. I used to use Ph0to౭hop & ¡llu౭trat0r CS2 (with a drawing tablet for which the drivers went obsolete years ago), and for animations I used Macr0mədia Fla౭h. Yes... old, old. <__< -- To get back on board I recently got a (Win10) desktop computer that's more powerful than my oldie laptop, and bought a new (basic?) drawing tablet. I'm somewhat lost in the world of software, though, and hope to receive your advice or thoughts.

At any rate, thank you for reading this. ^^ 💕 If you would like to comment in private or anonymously, my DMs and Ask box are open.

* I like free things, but don't mind (one-time) payments if the product is good. From what I gathered, Ad0bə seems to be an online-with-paid-subscription thing only now, which doesn't seem appealing on its face.

[atrixfollies]

Hey hi there my folks! Howdy? Hope you're doing well!!

Excuse moi for being a bit absent on this blog. It’s just that some weeks ago I was feeling down due a lot of misfortunes I've had lately. The most worrying thing that happened is that my mom got sick and it seemed to have some of the symptoms of covid, so we tested her to swee if it was covid, thanks goodness it wasn’t!

And the saddest thing that happened these months is that I fell in love with a fellow artist I met last year, but the guy didn’t seem to be interested on me, not even as a friend, so it was hard to get over it. It is still hard, and I’m not yet completely recovered, but I’m trying.

But hey, internet it’s mostly to have fun and post cool art, right? So today would like to share with you this little thingie to show you folks my appreciation for being fan of this blog! :D I've heard some of you like my blue boy, so I did this one thinking of y'all.

On alien planets there's also transport stations...and friends who always come late when you travel with them and make you waiting a lot!   Here my blue alien boy hopes that his friends arrive soon because he's desperate for a wee.

French talking can't miss of course! French expression of the day! "poser un lapin" It's used when someone arrives late on an appointment or a date with someone on a place.

I hope you like! :D

[atrixfollies]

Sorry, I know this comes from nowhere...but I have a fantasy with G/érard Dep/ardieu since a long while! And it's thanks to that one article I read some time ago, about this news involving him and a plane and a mean waitress...and an accident, but in not in a dreadful way.

(If you've been following this blog enough, you know in which way! XD )

I feel bad for him of course...but...but...

..Depardieu talking in English with his french accent it's so insanely hot!!! 😍😍

Now imagine desperate Depardieu talking in English with his french accent! :3

Ok maybe I'm too tired... I don't know why this blog turned on to be, well what it is now 🤣

But I love it and I'm glad you also love it! ^^

[atrixfollies]

 I haven’t had much time in the holidays to finish to color any of my sketches, but I still have cool sketches to share like this one, which is a sequel of THIS ONE

Heheh, I know it’s just a sketch, but I’m so deliriously proud of it! XD I think it’s one of the best poses and expressions I’ve done so far for this genre of art hehe!

And the best, do you know what it is? Is that his round belly is good for naturally censor his peen so I don’t have to put any stickers on it *chuckles*

 I don’t know why but I thought it was going to be super cute that he said “oh gods!”, heheh. I can even hear him saying this when I see the drawing :3

More omo sketches are cooking up on my patreon, right now! In this moment! :D So feel free to join! (please ask on pm to join so I can verify your age. )

Also, I’m still doing little thingies as a “thank you” for the peeps give me a Kofi 

Here my KO-FI

I’ll be taking characters suggestions and will be sketches like this one!

[atrixfollies]

THIS! This is awesome! :D This is the kind of inclusion people should do more often!

Yesh I like sex, I like romance, and I also like a good bowl of soup and bread. I just haven’t found someone yet to enjoy the first two, but thanks a lot for your nice words and good wishes! They warm up my heart a lot!

I think the last thing it’s the most accesible for me, hehe.

I wish you all very good sex. if you don’t like sex, I wish you a very good romance. if you don’t want either of them. I wish you a very good bowl of soup and some bread, mate.

[atrixfollies]

Yw! Hapee new year btw!

Thankies!! Happy new year to you to mate! I hope you've spend a great time these Christmas Holidays!

[atrixfollies]

Now the true question is, would you make that comic with yourself? 👀

Ouiiii mon ami!! ^^

Not literally with myself since I can't put ma sale gueule on it due the nature of this blog, but I'll do it with the character that represents me ( you know which one 😉)

[atrixfollies]

I drew this thingie for one of my peeps here who likes weight gain as a fetish. Cos he have supported my art a lot this year, so I thought it was going to be cool to give him a giftart.

The dialogue is cos...I just love making him saying "Good Gaia" and stuff like that XD.

[atrixfollies]

That last post is great

Hey thankies buddy!! ☺️ Soo happy to hear you've liked!! ^^

I have to say, I was afraid that people would think that as weird and wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore after that. Thanks goodness it wasn't the case!

I'm so glad that it was well received that I'm thinking of making a comic inspired on that one post 🤭