atomicrow

[atomicrow]

can you guys watch my squab for me im gonna go on my smoko

[atomicrow]

Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”

You really have lost control of your life.

[atomicrow]

Influencer Smurf after being caught smurfing a smurf

[atomicrow]

ps5 brain monday

[atomicrow]

saying glados is pretty vanilla in terms of robotfucking is like saying the chest is a pretty vanilla place to get stabbed. in that it is true but also not a thought a well-adjusted person has

[atomicrow]

ON FEBRUARY 22ND, 2026, HE WILL BE FORCED TO EAT CEMENT

mark your calendars for this historic event

[atomicrow]

thanks to @dolphingal for getting me on the rickhauzzo train; i think that slab would set him straight (or yknow. the opposite)

[atomicrow]

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

[atomicrow]

[atomicrow]

👁️ ㅅ 👁️

[atomicrow]

Guy who has heard other guys refer to their wives as "ball and chain" and "battle-axe" and wrongfully assumed you can refer to your wife as any medieval weapon: oh there's my beautiful Lucerne hammer

[atomicrow]

[atomicrow]

I think venus flytraps should be intelligent and ambulatory. I think they should get into the cupboards. I think they should purr when you pet them.

[atomicrow]

stop using the word degenerate i am going to kill u

[atomicrow]

Why are the dial hands underneath the metal pin?

"I'm a security guard and I am tasked with doing rounds of mechanical rooms. I've been asked to look at these specific water pressure dials and examine whether the hands are stable and to inform the administration of the building if they are not. I noticed that two of the hands are underneath the metal pin on which they should rest if they were at zero. I'm very ignorant in plumbing, but is it supposed to be like this? Why is it like that? Doesn't it make the hand impossible to rise above 0 since it's blocked by that pin?"

[atomicrow]

Life changing