atlemont

[atlemont]

I’ve missed the togetherness from Tumblr lately.

Things seem to moving forward for everyone here! I’m so happy to see the lives we have built . Families, babies, moving, we have all done so much since our early fostering days.

At one time we had tried to maybe have an actual get together, but I know that we are now all spread to the wind! Is anyone interested in maybe a Zoom or group call? I think it would be nice to catch up!

[atlemont]

I’m horrified. I guess I put myself in the place for it, but I’m still stunned by the awful horrifying remarks. I’ve spent the last three days getting called a groomer, a pedo and receiving thinly veiled death threats because I said children should be shown love and understanding on a re-post of Sesame Streets Pride post. I am honestly having tons of Depression and Anxiety flair ups and I’m not even sure I want to leave the response up. I just feel so disheartened and disappointed. I don’t even know how to process it.

[atlemont]

Just missing my people a bit. It’s quite something getting used to a new place, a new country, learning a new language, and not having a big group of friends that are easily accessible. Feeling a bit blue atm.

[atlemont]

Life updates!

1. I got divorced and remarried! My 20 yo marriage ended with a fizzle in September. Luckily we found a great lawyer who only works with couples who are in agreement and she pushed everything through. He is still my #1 supporter and I couldn’t ask for a better bestie. We still talk everyday and honestly, our friendship has never been better.

My wife (!) and I married shortly later in a simple town hall ceremony in Germany. We will celebrate again this December on NYE and it has been so nice to finally have the legal paperwork behind us all.

2. I officially moved to Germany. The kids and my ex visited over Christmas. The kids are joining me here in July. They will stay for at least a few years with trips back and forth. My ex and my new in-laws are so adorably cute and friendly. We are a strange family composition, but honestly it’s never been better.

3. We took an excessive amount of honeymoons…. We both surprised each other for Christmas with a trip so off to Hamburg and spa days we went, then a few weeks later we had a great 5 days in Iceland. My friend from the US was in Paris for a short trip so we did our last short weekend in Paris. All three were like dreams. We happily indulged in extra we wouldn’t normally and I’m completely spoiled now.

4. I’m involved in a little film production that filmed a bit this last weekend. It’s a Harry Potter world (Marauder’s Era) fan movie. It’s absolutely nerdy but in the sweetest way. We are an almost entirely queer cast and have worked really hard to try and be as inclusive as possible. I’m so ridiculously proud of the cast. Most of them are in their early 20’s (I play a Mom, no surprises there) and seeing them find themselves and surrounding themselves with people that support them and bring them joy makes my heart have hope.

Anyway, what’s new with everyone else????

[atlemont]

A useful article from King Arthur Flour (my beloved) on baking while disabled.

[atlemont]

The kids and I are flying to Germany today for 6 weeks. I'm completely overwhelmed and will be probably until I got to bed tomorrow.

We packed a week ago and carry-ons were packed yesterday. I am positive i will forget something. I mean, it's just inevitable. The kids are showered I am jumping in in a few minutes. I am flying with the kids by myself 🙃. I am just absolutely praying they sleep on the plane because when we get off it will be morning and we have to catch a train.

I just. I cannot believe this is my life now. It's been an absolute wild 4 years and now I'm finally seeing the light.

[atlemont]

I haven't talked here about my sister in a while or maybe at all? I dunno. But today I need to. I need to put into words how I feel.

She and I were very close. Like, I held her babies for their skin to skin contact after their first bath because she was tired and I was there close. Like, I stayed at her house after her two first births for over a week when I had 3 kids and a job because she needed me and I am her older sister close.

But she is homophobic. I didn't really know until I came out and separated from the dude. She talks to me when we are I. The same place, but ignores Viky. She didn't even tell me she was pregnant this time until almost 4 months and only then because it was Christmas and I was there and it was obvious. And today, I got a group text from my Mom that she had the baby. It's a girl. And I cried. I love her. Like, all I want is to be there and love her and support her and I am completely shut out.

I'm devastated.

[atlemont]

We are waiting for a date for our divorce. We are waiting, just waiting on court.

Normal people who are getting divorced probably don't fee as anxious as I do I think? I am having SEVERE flashbacks and I'm totally triggered from my time as a foster parent and adoptive parent. I am desperately afraid that someone is going to come in and take away the kids. It's absolutely irrational. I know there is no reason for the courts to get involved in that manner. There is absolutely no reason for the judge not to sign our agreement since it is completely us agreeing on everything. There is not a single point of contention.

But, it's this nugget of fear that CPS is going to show up at my door step and remove the kids. I don't know how to explain it to people who haven't experienced the system.

Does any of this make sense to any of you?

[atlemont]

So, updates?

1. I am in Germany currently. We are getting the house ready for kids in July. We have beds, car, kitchen remodel planned (instal is April/May), doors removed and new doors I stalled, new couch, new to us living room furniture.... and this weekend we are stripping wallpaper.

2. I go back to the states in 2.5 weeks and work on legal divorce and kid passports.

3. My friends in the US are scared and messaging that I made the right decision. I am anxious about the kids moving and the legal paperwork issues to resolve, but confident that they will be safer here.

4. Dunno! Anyone have any questions????

[atlemont]

Can confirm. This is how we train all our youth here in the South-East of Michigan.

Dude save some for us homely guys

[atlemont]

Taking a little trip Up North MI, just a weekend away. I miss it here.

[atlemont]

Friends. I cannot tell people in my everyday life yet, but something BIG is happening and I can contain my excitement!!!!

1. I am going to marry the most beautiful and wonderful woman ever NEXT YEAR! Like in February or March!!!

2. The kids and I are moving to Germany!!! It's a HUGE change. HUGE. But honestly, the US is super scary political wise and I'm scared.

[atlemont]

Feeling this today.

*through gritted teeth* every day i choose to be kind *barely restraining myself from violence* i choose to have compassion *tamping down the vicious bloodlust inside me* i choose to care and to be kind and to love

[atlemont]

Guys. I know I've been absent. I've missed you all! I do read what's going on here occasionally and I really have loved seeing updates!

New things!

1. I am still working on the legal part of the divorce, but we are emotionally fully separated and moving on. It's been actually really good and we really are moving better now that we are apart.

2. I got a new job! My old job was amazing but the work environment was getting extremely toxic and it was time to bow out for my mental health. I am still in Child Welfare just at an amazing new agency doing some supervisory work with support staff (visitation/case aides, file rooms, and our parent support person) I actually adore the staff already and it's only been two weeks.

3. New tattoos! I have 6 now and 2 more booked.... addictive.

4. I got cast in a movie! It's a small one, and an extremely small roll, but I'm excited. You can see more from my casting here if you are interested at all https://www.instagram.com/p/Cgwx1lAK4GK/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

5. I am pondering a move to Germany. I think the co parent might be on board to let me take the kids and if he says yes (which, honestly I think he will, 20+ years of knowing someone and you can kinda see what they are thinking) I will move in Feb/March to prep and the kids will follow in July.

I'm sure more has happened, but that's about all for now!!!

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A post shared by The Last Army: Until The End (@maraudersthelastarmy)

[atlemont]

I love every minute of this and there is no logic to why I do.

How come semi trucks in Europe look like “toot toot :)” and in North America they look like “HONK HOOOOOOOONK >:|”

[atlemont]

I'm tired. Like, deep in my bones tired. The kind of mental exhaustion that makes you feel like you need to turn off your brain and hide in bed for a weekend. When you catch yourself staring at your computer and 45 minutes have gone by and you have no idea where it went.

I think it may be a trauma response? But i keep pushing it away to function for a bit and then when it inevitably comes back, I'm four steps lower into the sunken place. It's most definitely a depression flare up. But finding a way to cope with everything going on at home right now is not working and I fee slipping and sliding backwards.

I'm not sad, more, numb? Like I need a good sleep in a blanket and maybe it will feel better? Like, quiet, non-existence for just a little bit will help.