miles sterling. twenty-two. education major, dance minor, and a tutor on the side. so basically a triple threat whose dog is his best friend.
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Valentineâs Day â 020
Tagging: Miles Sterling & Nick Vaughn.
Timeframe: Friday, February 16, 2018.
Location: A party.
General Notes: Things go down at an anti-Valentineâs Day party. Well...sort of. NSFW
Nick never had liked anything Valentine's Day, ever. Besides the candy. It was overhyped, and seeing couples flaunt their shit around like people actually cared was annoying. He never voiced this distaste out loud, of course, and always found himself making plans with friends regardless because it was an excuse to party. And this year, while he actually considered staying home for once, was no different. He was tired of not going out like he was used to. He was tired of shutting himself in. So tonight, he decided he was going to be himself again. That's how he found himself at a friend's anti-Valentine's Day party - surrounded by a group of acquaintances and knocking back shot after shot. The night was going by in a blur, and while he'd invited Miles to come along (like old times), he hadn't seen him all night. That is until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around slowly, he blinked and looked at him blankly for a moment, trying to hear what he was saying. The alcohol was in full effect already, so he didn't really think about his answer. This is what he wanted; to go back to the days where he just did things without thinking or feeling anything. He leaned down towards Miles to speak, his own words slurring slightly. "Okay, I guess." Nick nodded, turning away from the group of people he was hanging out with and facing towards Miles. He figured he'd find them again later. "Where?"
Miles hadnât really thought that far, but he wasnât exactly thinking about the logistics of anything at this point. He looked around as if heâd find an answer, instead only being met by the sight of the people around them. He finally shrugged. âA room. I dunno,â he muttered. âCâmon.â He stepped around people as he headed back toward where heâd come from. He could have sworn he saw an open door earlier. His thoughts were confirmed when he found a door sitting slightly ajar, as if someone had lazily left it open. Which likely meant someone had just been in there, which was kind of gross, but Miles didnât particularly care. He waited for Nick to follow him inside and closed the door behind him. âThis âs what you get when you throw a party.â He would feel bad about it when he was sober. For now, he simply spun on his heel and took Nick by the hand, pulling him into him without a second thought. âBelieve your cat interrupted something.â
Nick didn't really care where himself. This wasn't the first time he'd slipped away with someone at a party; he could find a place even if there were no rooms. But his mind still, for some reason, had compelled himself to ask as though Miles had all the answers. But he followed him nonetheless, keeping his head down and falling a few steps behind so no one realized what they were up to. He'd learned a long time ago to be discreet - it was second nature now, even when he was drunk. "Guess so." He agreed, even if he didn't fully agree, because it was his friend's party. But right now he wasn't thinking about... well, anything. Once they were inside and the door was shut, Nick allowed himself to be pulled closer. "And you wanna continue that?" He asked, already knowing the answer, as he leaned in toward him, lazily nudging his nose against his jaw. "We need to make it quick. I wasn't done with the shots." He murmured, before leaning in and clumsily brushing his mouth against Miles' as his hands rested on his sides.
Miles shrugged. âMaybe.â Perhaps it was all just to spite the cat because he wasnât here now. He couldnât be sure. âThen stop dicking around.â He closed the distance between them completely by pressing his lips roughly against Nickâs. It was nice not to think. He was just doing. It felt pretty invigorating, as a matter of fact. He stepped forward, effectively backing Nick up against the door as he did. He brought his hands up to cup Nickâs face. âI had to be quick.â Miles was quiet as he dropped one hand to gently pull at the fabric of Nickâs shirt and moved the kisses down to his neck instead. âBefore you found someone else.â His words were muffled by Nickâs skin, which he couldnât for a second step away from now that he had him where he wanted him. Not like he was saying anything important anyway.
Nick:Â "Dunno why you're saying that when you obviously want me to dick around." He mindlessly said back before the kiss distracted him from words in general. Miles was being rough, and while they've always been spur of the moment, Nick hadn't seen Miles this eager, ever. But he didn't question it, because he just wanted to feel something. He didn't want to think. He sucked in a sharp breath as Miles backed him up against the door, and Nick moved his hands to slide up Miles' shirt, grasping at his sides as his friend trailed the kisses down to his neck. He leaned his head to the side as a low moan escaped his throat, and he tried to pull Miles closer. "Who says I haven't already?" He wasn't sure why he said that, but he wasn't himself. He didn't mean it, but he didn't care. He began to none too gently tug Miles shirt upwards. "Take it off."
Miles:Â âShut up.â He would have laughed in another situation. Maybe if he were less drunk. And slightly less desperate. The feeling of Nickâs hands on his bare skin sent a chill up Milesâ spine. Anytime he was with Nick, the slightest touch left Miles downright buzzing with anticipation. âYou wouldnât be here,â Miles countered, his voice low. The thought alone made him press his body firmly against Nickâs. It was most definitely a possessive thing. He didnât have to be told twice, leaning back a bit to yank his own shirt up over his head and throwing it to the floor beside him. He didnât waste any time pulling on Nickâs shirt to get rid of his as well, and Miles took the opportunity that they were apart to tug him toward the unmade bed. âYouâre welcome to go find whoever that is instead, though. Donâ let me keep you.â
Nick had no choice but to listen to him, easily getting lost in how good Miles' lips and hands felt on his body. They always did, every time they did this, but he was even more hyper-focused on the sensations now. He wasn't sure what had possessed Miles to come up to him like he did, but he wasn't exactly complaining. Nick's heart thundered in his chest as Miles' pressed his body against his own, and he swallowed, not having any vocal response to it. Miles wasn't wrong, and they both knew it. Instead, he helped Miles pull up his shirt before they made work of removing Nick's. He stumbled with him toward the bed, and he put his hands on Mile's chest to push him onto it when they neared it. "Shut up." He breathed, merely repeating Miles' own words from either. With that, he climbed onto the bed with him, surging their lips together so they wouldn't have to keep talking.
Miles:Â When it was just bare skin against bare skin, Miles often found it was impossible to control himself â especially with Nick, and especially as drunk as he currently was. Everything he felt was heightened. It was sort of a shock every time Nick touched him. He had definitely deserved to be told to shut his damn mouth. It was not the time to be a smart ass. He dragged his hands slowly down the front of Nickâs body. He stopped when he reached his pants and they came to rest on Nickâs sides instead. But Miles couldnât help but arch his body upward, desperate to feel him. The sensation had him exhaling dazedly against Nickâs lips. Part of him knew they couldnât keep at this for very long because there was a chance of getting caught or thrown out or something, but he wasnât about to let them get interrupted again. So they just had to be quick, and that was what he reminded himself of as he lifted his hips again. He just wanted to touch him, but he had to test the waters first.
Nick could faintly hear the steady thrum of music and voices coming from the party, but it didn't distract him from mindlessly kissing Miles', and running his hands down his torso. He wasn't thinking about how he shouldn't do this, or who he was doing this with. He just wanted something, and he quickly decided he wanted this. His breath hitched when Miles arched upwards, and letting himself just go with it, he rolled his hips downward. His head dropped down to bury his head in Miles' neck, trailing a series of kisses along the side of it. Something, though, was stopping him from running his hands further South. When it came to having random hookups at parties, old Nick would have already been in the middle of the ordeal by now. But his hands still remained at Miles' sides. It felt good, and off at the same time. It didn't feel real. He could thank the alcohol for that.
Miles liked to think that even when he was drunk, he was still pretty receptive to whatever responses he received. And the reaction he got in this case was all the confirmation he needed. He was still feeling that confidence, the desire to just go for what he wanted â and he knew exactly what he wanted at the moment. He shifted and started to sit up until Nick got the hint, allowing Miles to flip them over and straddle Nickâs waist instead. Heâd gone slow enough by now. He sat back a bit so he had space to reach between them and get Nickâs belt out of the way, followed by the button and the zipper on his pants. He leaned down to kiss him deeply again, one hand planted on the bed next to Nickâs head while the other dipped below the waistband of his boxers. He may have been forward, but it wasnât too far fetched from any of his preceding actions. He wasted no time, wrapping his hand around him and moving slowly. Heâd been wanting this, and he only hoped it would end up being just as good for Nick.
Nick was essentially just going off instinct, so when Miles began to sit up, Nick followed his lead. And before he knew it, their positions were being flipped and suddenly Miles was on top of him. And he should like it; it should have spurred him on even further. He always liked feeling Miles' weight against him. Instead, he felt a little caught off guard. The weight was less arousing and more alarming, but he ignored it, because maybe he just wasn't expecting it. He ignored it and instead kissed Miles' back roughly, shifting his hips under him almost awkwardly as his friend slipped his hand under his boxers. He murmured something unintelligible against the man's lips. He still wanted this, he told himself. He needed this, so it was going to happen. Nick's hands slid up Miles' back and into his hair, pulling him down closer while bucking his hips up slightly.
Miles had the slightest feeling in the back of his mind that Nick wasnât totally there, which he chalked up to the alcohol. Things were pretty cloudy overall when they were drunk. Miles liked to think he could read Nick fairly well, at least as much as Nick was willing to let on. But his reactions seemed genuine, and so Miles saw no reason to back off, not until Nick gave him a clear one. He wanted him to feel good, though. Miles wanted Nick to know where he was who he was with, not be in a drunken haze through it. He leaned back and pulled his hand free in order to take Nick gently by the wrists and bring them together. He didnât think twice about it, his left hand pinning them to the bed above Nickâs head, just as a general reminder that he didnât have to stress; Miles wanted him to feel good. He kissed the spot right under Nickâs ear, then got close to whisper, âJust relax,â as his free hand slowly made its way back to where it was before.
Nick:Â Him and Miles had only gotten this far once before, and that seemed like ages ago now. They'd let themselves slip on numerous occasions; they'd kissed. They even did that recently. They hadn't quite gotten to this point, though, with Miles' hand down his boxers, stroking him gently. He wanted to melt into it; he wanted to want to do the same for him so badly. He tried to lose himself in the touches, to remind himself that it was Miles and that this was just supposed to be fun. For a second, it worked, but then Miles was taking his wrists in his hands and pinning them over his head. And it didn't feel like he was with Miles anymore. It sounded like him; it looked like him. He knew it was him. But for a second, all he could picture was someone else pinning his hands over his head in a similar - but completely different way. All he could hear was that voice whispering things to him that he wanted to forget. Things that he was trying to forget by coming out tonight. Those thoughts were enough to ruin everything. "No." He firmly said, jerking his hands out of Miles' gentle hold and shaking his head. He scooted back away from him and tried to sit up, fingers grasping the sheets below him tried to stop the bile from rising in his throat. "I'm sorry - I can't do this. I thought I could, but I was wrong." Nick's words sounded jumbled even to his own ears. His head was foggy, and he felt sick to his stomach. All he wanted earlier was to have fun and not have to worry about anything. Now he just wanted to leave. "I'm sorry." He swallowed hard as he got up, heading to grab his discarded shirt. "I've gotta go."
Miles:Â It was pretty abrupt. One second Miles was lost in the heat of the moment believing everything was fine, and the next Nick was wriggling away from him and telling him no. Miles was drunk, sure, but not enough to not recognize that that meant to back off. He leaned back and watched Nick move away from him, explaining that he couldnât do this. The sudden change was slightly dizzying as Miles worked to wrap his head around what had changed. âHey,â he said quietly after a moment. He didnât want to touch Nick and freak him out, but he needed him to know it was there. âNick, hey. Itâitâs fine. We donât have to do anything.â He followed Nickâs movements with his eyes, watching as he went to pick up his shirt off the floor. âDonât...â He trailed off. He really didnât want to overstep, but clearly, he already had in the worst way. âDonât go. We...we can talk.â
Nick struggled to think clearly as he re-buttoned his pants and pulled on his shirt, but Nick didnât even have to look at him to tell he was confused. He avoided looking at him completely and shook his head at his words. âI donât want to talk.â If heâd wanted to talk, he wouldnât be here in this room with him. âIâm gonna - go somewhere.â Maybe back downstairs, maybe heâd take a few more shots so he couldnât think at all. âStay and find somebody else.â There was a slight bite to his words. He didnât mean that. It wasnât Milesâ fault, and deep down he knew that, but everything was too much. He felt guilty and filthy and defeated all at the same time. âIâll see you when I see you.â
Miles was taken aback. Part of him was confused, while the other part of him had an idea of what was going on â and he felt disgusted with himself, on top of being upset that Nick was speaking to him like heâd done this on purpose. âItâs not like Iâm the one whoââ He stopped himself. It wasnât Nickâs fault. He couldnât help the way he was feeling. Miles couldnât even begin to imagine the shame, the disgust. It didnât even slightly compare to now Miles felt now and he had to recognize that. âI didnât mean to make you feel like you had to do anything. Iâm sorry.â
Nick:Â He heard Miles begin to say something, and his heart stuttered in his chest at his tone. Nick closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get a handle of himself, but failed. âI know - I know you didnât. Iâm sorry.â He shouldnât have lashed out, but he didnât know what to do or say. He had wanted to do this with Miles. Miles wasnât doing anything wrong. âIâm the problem, okay? So can we just not talk about it, and go back to the party, please? Or. Iâm going to. You can do what you want. I just need to go back out there.â
Miles didnât know what to say. He knew he couldnât really help. He couldnât take away what Nick had gone through. He just wished he had the answers. âYouâre not the problem.â He knew what he meant, though. Miles just didnât want him to see himself as a burden. âCan I, like, call you an Uber or something?â He stood up from the bed and picked up his own shirt, pulling it over his head. âI want you to be safe.â
Nick didnât know what to say to him. He just completely ruined the moment - and probably made things weird for Miles. But he couldnât help it. He wished he could just go through with it and not think about anything. But apparently he wasnât drunk enough for that yet. âNo.â He swallowed again and shook his head. âThanks, but Iâm gonna stay. Be careful too, okay?â He hovered by the door, and he wanted to say something, but he didnât know what to say. âIâll see you later.â With that, he pulled the door open before softly shutting it behind him, deciding he was going to do his best to forget about what had just happened.
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Coffee & Coke â 019
Tagging: Miles Sterling & Nick Vaughn.
Timeframe: Thursday, February 8, 2018.
Location: Starbucks, then Nickâs place.
General Notes: Nick and Miles see each other at Starbucks and Miles goes back to Nickâs place to meet his new pet. Things escalate, as they often do.
Miles: The past month had been an absolute whirlwind. Shit had completely hit the fan and Miles wasnât entirely sure what to make of it. Nick was the only person heâd told about what was going on. He couldnât bring himself to talk to his mom or anyone. It was something he felt like he had to come to terms with on his own before dragging other people into it with him. But it was different with Nick; it always was. He needed him in a completely different way. Just telling him was a weight off of Milesâ shoulders, even though it changed things. Now, even Nick wasnât entirely caught up to speed. Miles hadnât had a chance to really sit and talk to him since telling him about Lily, and there were new developments in his life he wanted him to be aware of â things he felt deserved more than a simple text. And it had been days of going back and forth, wanting to show up at Nickâs place to talk to him but not wanting to intrude, but fate had a funny way of making things work. That was what Miles realized when he stepped away from the Starbucks counter with his iced latte to see said best friend sitting a little further away. Miles would recognize that side profile with the blond hair anywhere. He approached the table, perhaps a little too eager to see him after what felt like forever, and slid into the chair across from him. âCome here often?â he asked, placing his elbows on the table and leaning toward him.
Nick:Â For once, Starbucks wasnât totally jam packed, which Nick counted as a blessing if heâd ever seen one. Heâd always liked coffee shops; they got him out of the house and the smell of coffee seemed to wake him up before he actually downed any. And it was a lazy sort of day, so he found himself at the Starbucks a few blocks away in order to kill some time. With his frap in front of him on the corner table he was lucky enough to snag, Nick allowed himself to relax, giving his phone his full attention. Alternating between various job applications, Facebook, and texts â he was completely absorbed when a familiar voice interrupted him. Glancing up instantly, he smiled at the surprise. He hadnât seen Miles in what seemed like forever, and this time it wasnât because of some weird fight they had or because of hurt feelings. He understood why his friend had to take some time for himself, and he had no hard feelings towards him, even if heâd missed him and his heart still seemed to clench when he saw him. âOnce in awhile.â He replied as he lowered his phone back to his lap. âYou stalking me now?â
Miles:Â It was almost like Miles was seeing him, really seeing him, for the first time all over again. Since shit had gone down with Lily, Miles wasnât sure if he and Nick would ever be the same again. It certainly didnât seem so if a baby was going to be in the picture. But now that that wasnât the case anymore, Milesâ faith was renewed. They still had a chance, and that was all he wanted. Looking at him now, he was reminded of just how attracted to Nick he was â and fuck, was he attracted to him. Heâd throw their drinks across the room and lean across the table to kiss him until they couldnât breathe if it were socially acceptable. But theyâd build up to that. Preferably in private. âMaybe,â he said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned back in his chair. âTo be honest, I just thought there was a hot guy over here so I came over. Turns out that window behind you is just super reflective.â He couldnât let Nick get too cocky. âReally, though...I wanted to talk to you about whatâs been going on.â He paused, glancing down at the table for a few long moments before looking back up at him. âBut I wanted to see you.â
Nick: It hadnât been that long since theyâd last seen each other. God knows theyâd ignored each other for longer during previous fights. But it felt like longer, because as much as Nick wanted to see him, he knew he couldnât. Miles had things he had to come to terms with and think about, and Nick hanging around wouldnât help him much. He wanted to be there for him, of course he did, but he knew he had to wait for Miles to come to him first. And suddenly, here he was. He wanted to say and do so many things â he wanted  to pull him closer and show him how much he missed him. He couldnât even do that before everything happened, though, so he knew damn well he couldnât do that now. âOh, you did. I dropped my napkin so I had to stand up for a second.â He countered, before he sobered up at the comment. âIs... everything okay?â Nick asked carefully, not sure what that meant. He knew Miles was struggling with the idea of being a Father before, and didnât know what happened after that. It bothered him that he didnât know, but he wasnât about to pressure him into telling him. âI wanted to see you, too.â He lowered his voice, pausing for a moment. âI missed you.â
Miles nodded. âEverythingâs okay,â he said, and he meant it. Everything was okay, or at least it was going to be. He nearly lost his train of thought at Nickâs words, the words âI miss youâ never quite failing to excite him. âI was just trying to...come to terms with everything,â he started slowly. He was tracing the lid of his drink with his finger. âI made a huge mistake. I knew I was gonna have to face it. And I was just getting a hold on what I was about to deal with when Lily called me.â He wasnât sure how he was supposed to say it. It was weird news to relay. âItâs...over, to put it simply. No baby.â It seemed to have ended as soon as it began. But it was good news. He was helping Lily through some of the more emotional aspects of it, but Miles knew this was for the best. It wasnât quite affecting him as much. âSo thereâs that. And I feel so much better.â He took another pause, this time sucking in a deep breath and holding it for a moment before exhaling. âThen thereâs Greg.â
Nick nodded as Miles spoke, listening quietly until he was done. It was a huge thing for him, and Nick wasnât really sure what to say about it anyway. It was what it was. Miles was having a baby, and as weird as it was to think that, Nick had to wrap his mind around it too. At least, he thought he did. âOh... God.â He said out loud before he could stop himself. Nick wanted to reach out to him; place a hand on his arm or â something. At that moment, though, he didnât want to make it worse. So he shifted a little in his chair and leaned forward towards him. âIâm sorry.â He said, genuinely meaning it, because it felt like bad news despite the casualty of the conversation. It was always bad news when there was a baby, then there wasnât. Even if Miles didnât feel ready. It was still sad, and it made him sad for him. âIs Lily â is she okay?â He wasnât sure what Miles meant by it. Whether it was an intentional decision or not. But he wasnât about to ask. At Gregâs name, anger cut in through the other emotions. Miles was just dropping one bomb after the other â and after the last news, Nick wasnât sure if it was good. So naturally, he jumped to conclusions. âDid he try to contact you?â
Miles shook his head immediately, raising a hand as if to tell him that he didnât need to say anything about it. âDonât be sorry.â His voice stayed level, which he hoped showed Nick that he really was okay. âSheâs...I mean, itâs hard, yâknow? But at the end of the day, she didnât want this either.â Theyâd already talked about it, about how they both were feeling, and Miles knew it was taking its toll on her more than him, so heâd be there for her when she needed him to be. âNo. I justââ He stopped again. Greg was never an easy topic. âI took everything you said to heart and talked to my mom, and I finally went to the police. I told them I want to officially press charges.â It was still a lot for he himself to process. âSo Iâm getting ready to go to trial. I guess Iâve got good odds âcause Iâm still not fully recovered from my injuries, apparently. So...yeah.â
Nick:Â The idea of Miles having a baby with his ex girlfriend had been a lot to take in, but so was this. He hadnât expected this. Despite how normal Miles seemed at the moment, Nick was sure that wasnât something he could just get over overnight. âYeah...â He said gently, nodding. âLook, if you need anythingââ he cut himself off, because realistically, what could he offer him that could help that situation? He knew the answer was nothing. âIâm here, you know.â Nick finished lamely. He wished he could help, at least. As Miles explained what at happened with Greg, surprise settled in, followed by relief. At least thatâs one thing that went right. âThank God.â He breathed, mostly to himself, but also to Miles. âI mean. Thatâs good. Iâm glad you did it.â Well, clearly. âAre you feeling okay? About the trial?â He paused again. âAnd your injuries too.â
Miles knew Nick just wanted to be there for him. He appreciated it and perhaps he would end up needing a shoulder to cry on about this in the future. But for the time being, he had to be that shoulder for Lily. He owed her that much. âI know you are.â He was glad for it. Nick was there and Miles wanted it to stay that way. âI guess? Not really. I donât know.â He hater the thought of sitting in the courtroom, but he knew this was necessary. âI donât want to tell it all over again but I donât have a choice. Guess itâll be worth it when heâs thrown in jail. He didnât think I was going to press charges so at least this caught him off guard.â Fucking asshole. âI feel fine. They claim I havenât fully recovered and I can still suffer certain side effects. I dunno â itâs all medical crap I donât know about. But itâll help me win, thatâs all I know.â
Nick:Â It was clear Miles had gone through a lot the past month, and Nick wasnât sure how he could comfort him. He was glad when Miles got that he was trying to help, even if Nick knew he couldnât do much. âI know itâll be hard... but youâll be safe, you know? He canât do shit to you now.â Nick knew his words were true, even if personally he knew it was way easier said than done. âThatâs scary shit, dude. You need to keep an eye on yourself. Just in case you start feeling bad.â He hoped he wouldnât, though. âDo you know when the trial will be?â
Miles nodded. âI know.â That was the most important part, after all. Just keeping Greg away. Not just away from Miles, but from everyone he loved as well. His mom deserved much better, for one thing. Though Miles would be glad if she didnt date anyone for a very long time. âIâm fine. I take care of myself. Scoutâs too smart to let something happen to me anyway.â Miles sighed, nodding. âA couple weeks, I guess. So Greg can get shit squared away with his lawyer or whatever.â Miles wished they could just take his word for it and call it a day, but he knew that couldnât happen. All the talk about Greg naturally made Miles think about Jude, but he didnât want to bring him up and make Nick upset. âWhatâs going on with you?â he asked after a moment, realizing heâd tell him if there was anything worth noting.
Nick:Â âHowâs Scout?â He asked after a moment, genuinely curious, since he hadnât seen her since the last time he was over. Not like much changed with dogs, but hey, you never knew. âOh...wow. Thatâs...soon.â But it was good it was soon. The sooner the better, in his opinion. Â That meant Greg could get locked up faster. âI donât know. Nothing that would interest you.â He tried to smile, before he remembered something, and smiling became a little easier. âI found a pet. He was playing in the garbage so I got him before the trash man could.â
Miles:Â âBadass as ever.â Scout didnât do much, but she was an incredibly good girl, if Miles said so himself. âYeah. I mean, there wasnât much to prepare for. He knows what heâs walking into, so.â Miles shrugged. Greg was clearly guilty so he wasnât worried about the outcome. It was just the whole process. âWell, Iâm glad you didnât go and get married or anything.â Although he had gotten married once. At the mention of a new pet, Miles raised his eyebrows. âOh?â He wasnât sure the trash was the best place to find a new companion, but to each his own. âYou didnât think it maybe belonged to someone?â Miles shook his head. âWhat kind of pet?â
Nick:Â âGood for her.â He laughed and reached out for his melting frap to take a small drink. âItâs a good thing you did.â Nick said as gently as he could when he set his cup back down. âEven if itâs a bunch of bullshit to deal with. Iâm proud of you, you know?â And he felt weird for saying that, so he was going to change the subject. âHey, I never said I didnât. I just donât remember it if I did.â Much like the first time, but thankfully his wife had been there the morning after to remind him. âYeah.â He nodded, almost enthusiastically. âHe was dragging around an empty McDonaldâs fry cup so I figured it was pretty much meant to be.â He grinned at him. âNo, definitely not. If heâd belonged to someone they would have given him a full thing of fries. He was clearly homeless.â So he gave him a home. At the moment, he lowered his tone just a bit, because he knew how Miles felt about Cokeâs kind. And he wanted them to get along. âJust a cat.â He said, before quickly following up. âHeâs a kitten though.â
Miles:Â âYeah, sheâs got her shit together.â Clearly more than he did. âI know.â The conversation led Miles to believe that there were no new developments with Jude. And that was okay. One step at a time. âWell, I guess that sucks if you did.â There went Milesâ chance. âJeez. So obviously youâre a hero.â He could almost feel the tone of the conversation shift just slightly, and it made sense when Nick told him his new pet was a cat. Milesâ face immediately fell. âYouâre joking.â It was a statement because he wanted to believe it. âNicholas...â He trailed off, leaning forward again to get closer to him as he lowered his own voice. âYou did not actually get a cat.â Miles hated cats. Quite a bit. And Nick knew this better than anyone.
Nick:Â âSheâs an icon.â He said, before falling silent for a moment. There was a clear elephant in the room, because Miles was doing so good by going forward and pressing charges against Greg. But Nick, on the other hand, was still adamant against not doing anything about his own situation. He was still trying hard not to think about it. Heâd spent the last few months trying so hard not to think about it that he ended up thinking about it regardless. So thatâs when he tried to distract himself with things â food, work, Coke. Then he found the cat, and it became a distraction too. âNot really a hero, it just gave me an excuse to go get us some fries.â He felt sheepish as Miles full named him. âLook, George.â Ok, maybe this wasnât the time for that. âMiles. I didnât get a cat. I got a kitten. Heâs a child. If you gave him a chance, you could even be bros.â Nick actually believed that. âCome on, itâs not that bad. It could be worse. I could have actually gotten married.â
Miles couldnât disagree with that. The whole cat ordeal was very...Nick. He had to admit that. It wasnât particularly surprising to hear that heâd taken in a stray cat from the garbage. He wasnât thrilled about it, but it also wasnât his cat. âDonât George me. Youâre the one in the wrong here, keeping demons in your apartment. If anything I should be middle naming you too.â Heâd hold back for now, though. âI have enough bros already. Iâd almost prefer that you got married.â Miles was a drama queen and everyone knew it, but to be fair, cats were serious business to him. And he was selfishly enjoying single Nick.
Nick:Â âHeâs not a demon, heâs hilarious. Last night he scared the shit out of Murphy by jumping on his leg when he wasnât paying attention. You should have seen his face.â In his opinion, Miles was severely judging Coke without even meeting him first. âOne more bro wonât kill you. Please, just give him a chance. I want you two to meet.â He knew Miles wouldnât take this well, but his hands were tied here. âHe sleeps on your shoulder like a parrot. Makes you feel like a pirate. Heâs cool, I promise.â
Miles almost rolled his eyes, but refrained. Still, his point was made. If the cat didnât get the Murphy seal of approval, he certainly wasnât getting Milesâ. âScout doesnât scare people,â he muttered. It was sort of a lie because Scout got pretty loud, but still. âIf he gets on my shoulder weâre going to learn very quickly if cats actually always land on their feet.â That was a promise. He wasnât going to let the cat out of his direct line of sight, that was for sure. âI promise we wonât get along. But Iâll come. Itâs not for him, though.â
Nick:Â Even if Miles was disrespecting his cat, Nick was glad he could distract him from the prior conversation. If only for a little bit. âNot every animal can be perfect like Scout. He may have his flaws, but I love him.â Nick raised his hand to rest it against his chest, right over his heart. Dramatic effect and all that. âHeâs strong, but heâs not unbreakable. Be gentle with him, please.â He didnât want to have to Pinterest cat casts because he was too poor to take him to the doctor. âMaybe heâll surprise you. But thank you. Iâll even give you a deal and say that can be my really early Christmas and Birthday present. All I want is for you to not try to exorcise him like heâs a demon.â
Miles:Â âWell, youâre right. Scout literally has no flaws so I guess itâs unfair to hold other creatures up to that standard.â He gave her too much credit. She definitely had her flaws. But Miles refused to admit them. âIâm not actually gonna throw your cat. But I really donât want him sitting on me.â The thought alone sent a chill up his spine. âPlease. You know Iâm still gonna get you something thatâs gonna make you cry when you think I donât know it,â he teased, even though he really hadnât ever seen Nick cry happy tears about anything. Rarely even sad tears. âAt the very worst, if I canât stand him, Iâm just gonna pretend heâs not there. So donât worry.â
Nick:Â âJust try to have an open mind.â Nick knew he couldnât expect them to be best friends over night, but this was a start. âFine, he can sit on me, where heâs wanted.â Milesâ distaste was almost funny, because he didnât really get it. The cat had done nothing but good since he got him. Except for the times he peed on the floor and scratched on his couch. But those were just small issues. âGood luck with that, I donât cry. Thatâs you when I give gifts. But I appreciate the effort.â He teased. That was a straight up lie. He just cared about who saw him cry. âOkay â good enough.â For now. âYouâll have to come over soon and see him.â But mostly he just wanted Miles to come over to see Nick.
Miles took a long sip from his almost-forgotten latte, fighting the urge to shake his head once again. He couldnât believe Nick had betrayed him in this way, allowing such a creature into his home. Although he knew if the roles were reversed heâd do the same thing â if Nick happened to hate dogs and Miles had come across a baby Scout rolling around in trash, Miles wouldnât even think twice about giving her a home. âWe all know you got emotional about the Thundercats t-shirt when I was out of sight.â He couldnât be sure, but he could assume. âI mean, weâre talking about the same softie who couldnât help but kiss the guy he likes in front of everyone on New Years Eve.â His voice had that same teasing tone as he flashed him a grin at the reminder. He liked no longer being afraid to bring things up. âI mean, I can meet him today if you arenât sick of me yet.â
Nick had never had an animal of his own before. Whenever him and his siblings were allowed to have them, his siblings would always seem to stake claim before he could really bond with it himself. The thing about Coke was that he found him right when he probably needed him. And no one else liked cats, it seemed, so he was Nick's. So he wasn't sorry about keeping him. "Eh, you can't prove it." He was right, though. It was hard to not get emotional over it, and Miles knew that. "I can prove the tear in your eye I saw when you saw your record, though." He smiled back, reaching out to hold his drink in his palm when he faltered. He thought Miles forgot about that. "Who's that guy? Didn't see him; he sounds gross." Nick felt his face warm, and distracted himself by taking another drink and setting the cup back down. Before Miles had to take some time for himself, things between them had started to get all the more confusing, but in a good way. Nick was sure that it was over with the second Miles found out about Lily, which he understood, but it still was a hard thing to come to terms with. But seeing him again reminded him of how he hadn't exactly let his feelings for him go, because he could tell by the excitement gathering in his chest that they were still painfully there. Being gay for your best friend was kind of a bitch sometimes. "I'm not sick of you." He said, almost too quickly. "I haven't seen you in awhile." Nick shrugged, trying to be casual now. "It'd give us a chance to hang out again."
Miles wished he had some sort of proof, but heâd still stand by it. âYou cannot prove that!â It had absolutely made him emotional, but Nick had no right to claim that. Even though they both knew exactly the type of person Miles was. âYou might know him. Tall. Blond. Skinny. Sometimes goes by the name of Dalton Oliver.â Maybe a step too far, but it wasnât like they didnât test each otherâs boundaries like that over the years. He wasnât worried about it. The fondness he felt when Nick told him he wasnât yet sick of him had Miles sipping his drink to hide the bashful smile, similar to what he had just watched Nick do moments before. They werenât fooling anyone, especially each other. âWell, letâs stop taking up this killer corner table then,â he said, pushing out his chair to stand up. If they stayed staring at each other for any longer before going Miles knew he was really going to start blushing, and he couldnât have that.
Nick:Â âSure I can, I saw it with my own two eyes.â He didnât, but it was still fun to tease him about it. Nick got emotional about things too, he just hid it better than Miles did. Not that Miles couldnât hide things. Nick was just better. âNever met the guy. Dumb name. He sounds sexy, though.â He smiled, and for a moment they didnât say anything. It was a weird moment, because it wasnât necessarily awkward. But it made him realize how much he missed this; how much he missed Miles. âOkay, but I hope you know the chances of us ever getting it again is rare. I guess I was just lucky today.â Secretly, he felt like maybe he was, since he got to run into Miles after weeks of not seeing him. Nick patted the table and swooped his drink up with the same hand before he was standing up. âAlright, lets go. You sure you donât have any other plans for today?â
Miles:Â âLying is a sin, yâknow.â Miles was guilty of it, too, to be fair. He rolled his eyes playfully at Nickâs response. âHe has bad jokes, though. Kinda hard to listen to sometimes.â Who was he kidding? He found Nick hilarious. He couldnât tell him that, of course. It was Milesâ job to keep him humble. âCouches are better than corner tables,â he pointed out as they started toward the door to head to Nickâs. âOh, I had several important business meetings today. And a hot date. But I decided to squeeze you in instead.â He shrugged nonchalantly. As if.
Nick:Â âI think all the others Iâve committed in my life time cancel it out, so Iâve got a free pass.â Nick said as he tucked his chair into the table and made sure he had everything. âSounds to me like heâs a genius and just under appreciated. If you see him again make sure to give him my number.â He said straight faced, although he wasnât offended, because he didnât think his jokes were all that great himself either. It still didnât stop him from making them. âYeah, but weâre gonna be on my own couch soon, so itâs not too much of a loss.â He wasnât sure which one was cleaner, though. âOh, I see. Iâm second choice.â He nodded as they headed out and down the street. âItâs cool. I have one too later. I promised a spa day to someone special.â In other words, Coke needed his nails trimmed and he was going to have to do it.
Miles:Â âWeâve collectively committed quite a few sins. Weâre on the road to hell together, dude.â Miles didnât mind. Heâd accepted his sins a long time ago. âIâll think about it.â He wanted to joke that someone else already had their eye on him, but he didnât know what counted as overstepping in Nickâs eyes. So he kept t to himself. âExcept thereâs also a cat there.â It was going to take a lot of getting used to. âSince when are you certified to do that?â He wasnât sure if heâd let Nick handle a spa day for him. He finished off the drink in his hands and tossed it into a trash can they passed by as they went. âYou canât fool me, anyway. I know itâs Murphy just needing a manicure.â
Nick:Â âOh, well, what can you do? Thereâs going to be an overpopulation problem there anyway âcause of all the people there who arenât politically correct. So theyâll probably just bounce us to heaven so they donât have to deal with us.â That was a bold statement, and he was hoping no one else heard him say that. âThink of the cat as a roommate of mine youâve never met. He sleeps a lot and mooches off us for food, and occasionally tries to fight me. But heâs good with strangers.â He knew he shouldnât keep tying to defend Coke, and just have Miles get to know him himself. He couldnât help it, though. âSince I looked up how toâs, Miles. You donât need to go to school for anything as long as thereâs YouTube.â Though he wouldnât test that on everything. Heâd probably be a little hesitant to try open heart surgery. âYeah... itâs Murphy. You caught me.â Sure, heâd go with that. âIâm not sure if heâs home or not. He wasnât when I left, but maybe heâll hang out with us.â
Miles:Â âI highly doubt that,â Miles replied with a slight laugh. They totally didnât belong there. âBut heâs also a cat and that just ruins the whole thing. So letâs just let the relationship form naturally.â Honestly, maybe he would be surprise and it would seem more like a dog than Miles was anticipating. He wouldnât get his hopes up, though. âI still donât trust you. Especially not with this face.â He made a hair flipping gesture to prove his point. âKnew it.â Obviously. âWell, I guess weâll see. He has a habit of popping in whenever he feels like it.â
Nick:Â "Okay --- fair enough. I'll let it happen on it's own." He laughed as they continued their way back to his apartment. "Fine, don't trust me. But you're missing out. I would have invited you and everything, free of charge. You're going to regret it when I blow up on YouTube as the next big beauty guru." Literally never, ever, ever going to happen. Ever. "I know, I wonder where he got that from. It's pretty rude, honestly."
Miles:Â âThatâs the motto. Just go with the flow. Unless you ask Drake. Then the motto is YOLO.â Miles has spent a lot of time thinking about that, clearly. âI donât trust you with a lot of things. This just happens to be one of them.â Miles was more inclined to trust Nick with secrets and shit like that. Not his face. âSage can be pretty nosy in her own right too. I think all of you have a little bit of it in you.â Miles shrugged. Not that he was the most well-mannered person himself, but still. âI swear to god,â Miles began in warning as they started to head inside, âif this cat makes any sudden movements, Iâm outta here.â
Nick paused for a moment, then spoke, very seriously: "I love it when you quote Drake at me." He meant that, straight from the heart. "Well, okay. That's rude, but okay." Though, truthfully, he wasn't all that offended. He didn't really trust himself near anybody's face, either. "Yes. Except for me." He lied as they neared his apartment complex, making their way to his door. When they made it, he fished inside his pocket for his keys, busying himself with unlocking the door as they spoke. "He might come running because he's excited someone's home, but he's not going to hurt you. Are you really that scared?" He rose an eyebrow as he lowered his voice to a playful whisper. "Do you need me to hold your hand?"
Miles quirked an eyebrow at him. âTry to keep it in your pants.â He wanted to add that he wasnât at work, but he refrained. âItâs just the truth. I thought we agreed to he totally honest. Iâm just doing my part.â Nick really couldnât blame Miles for thinking it, let alone saying it. âOh, shut up,â he muttered, rolling his eyes. âYou know Iâm not scared, you douche. I just donât enjoy his kind.â He turned his head to glare at Nick. âYou just want an excuse to hold my hand and you know it. But Iâll pass. Sorry to crush your dreams.â
Nick:Â "Relax. You're not actually him, so don't get too excited." He half grinned to himself as he worked on finding the right key to his door - a problem he often had. "Well thanks for your brutal honesty. Hopefully it'll toughen me up and get rid of my annoying emotions." He almost laughed at Miles' reaction. "It'll be fine, man. If you really don't like him, we can put him in another room for awhile. I'm not going to torture you with him, you know." Nick said, dropping the joking attitude for a moment, because he wasn't a total dick. "Nah. I don't need your hand when I have a paw to hold now." He said as he finally twisted the right key in the door and pushed it open, walking in first in case Coke did decide to run at him. Hearing the familiar jingle of the bell on his collar, he figured he'd make an appearance any moment now. He held the door open for Miles to come through before closing it behind him and walking further into his apartment. "It's me." He called out, for both the cat and for Murphy. He didn't hear Murphy, but soon a familiar white face with blue eyes was peeking around the corner before meowing and walking toward them. Nick smiled and glanced back at Miles. "See? It's all good."
Miles:Â âWow. You prefer your fantasy world with Drake over me. I see how it is.â Though if he were being honest with himself, Miles felt the same about Harry Styles. âThatâs the goal, isnât it? So we arenât so sensitive about stuff.â Maybe that wasnât exactly the idea, but it seemed good enough. âIâll be fine. Iâm a man,â he stated, maybe more to remind himself. He watched Nick open the door and enter, following slowly behind. It was a long few moments before the cat actually appeared, and Miles instinctively took a step back. He didnât want to say anything too ridiculous, but he absolutely did not like the sight before him. âIâm not enjoying this,â he settled on after a moment, maintaining eye contact with the cat from afar.
Nick: "I'm sorry, he's just the complete package." Nick shrugged. "Emotions are overrated, anyway." (emo) Honestly, who needs them? He glanced back at Miles to check to see  how he was handling the fact he was about to meet a cat. "Are you sure?" He asked, about him being fine, not about him being a man. That'd be too mean. Soon enough, Coke was out in the open. And Miles clearly didn't like it at all. "Okay --- hold on." He closed the distance between him and the kitten and stretched down to swoop him into his arms. Straightening up, he looked at Miles in amusement, because he couldn't help it. Coke stretched up to knock his head against his chin, purring as he did so. "See? He's harmless. I can put him up if it really bothers you. Or you could pet him, if you wanted."
Miles:Â âI could do Hotline Bling better than he could,â Miles retorted, though it was a blatant lie. His firm nod was completely forgotten about when there was this cat he didnât even want to meet in the first place. He wasnât afraid of cats. He just didnât trust them. He knew people felt the same way about dogs in some cases. Overall, Miles just preferred to keep his distance. âGod, I can just see the anger deeply rooted in his eyes.â He was purposely being dramatic now and he hoped it came off as lighthearted as he meant it, even with the scowl on his face and he stepped toward Nick and the cat. âYou donât have to lock him away. Thatâs stupid.â But Miles didnât particularly want to pet him, either. He kept his eyes on the cat, who would look back at him every once in a while; mostly, though, the cat didnât seem to care that he was there. âWhatâs his name?â
Nick:Â "I'd like to see that." As much as he liked Miles, he still didn't think anyone could do any of Drake's songs justice like the man himself. "I think you're confusing anger with love. He's purring, I think he likes you." Of course, Nick couldn't confirm that, because it's not like he could ask Coke for his opinion. But the kitten hadn't stopped purring since he picked him up, despite him looking at Miles in curiosity. Nick took that as a good sign. "Good, because if he started crying I'd have to let him back out anyway." He admitted. As Miles asked his name, Nick smiled. He took a moment to scratch under Coke's chin, glancing down at the kitten in his arms as he bumped against his hands in search of more petting. "Miles, meet Coke. Coke Vaughn if you need his full name." He introduced them with sincerity, so used to his name now that he didn't think twice about it. "Coke, this is George. But he doesn't like that. So you have to call him Miles."
Miles:Â âItâll take a few drinks first,â he told him simply. Heâd be more than willing to perform the whole song, but definitely not entirely sober. âNah, Iâm good at reading hidden body language. Heâs plotting.â He narrowed his eyes comically at the tiny kitten who literally just wanted Nick to pet him. Clearly a demon in disguise. When Nick told him the name, Milesâ gaze flashed up to his face instead. âCoke,â he repeated. âYour catâs name is Coke.â He proceeded introduce Miles himself as George, leading Miles to immediately roll his eyes again. âI honestly...donât have words,â he said after a moment, shaking his head. âYou are seriously the strangest part of my life. Everything about you.â It was true in every sense. Nickâs entire being confused Miles more than anything else. âYou named your cat Coke. I canât imagine it was after the drink.â
Nick:Â "Dang. I wish you told me that on New Years. I could've had my own concert." The next time they drank together, Nick would have to remember to make the request. "Plotting what? Look at how tiny he is. He can't hold that much evil, it won't fit." Now he was just baby talking Coke, who continued to revel in the attention. "Yeah. You don't think it fits?" He asked in amusement as he looked back up at Miles. "Should I take that as a compliment?" Nick laughed, although he knew that no, it probably wasn't a compliment at all. But he already knew that he said weird things sometimes, and that he probably put Miles off by it every once in awhile. But somehow, he was still his friend. "That's part of it. He just gets really hyped up and wiry. One time I watched him chase his own tail for an hour." Maybe he shouldn't have said that he spent a whole hour watching his cat play. That could be an indicator that he needs to get a life again. Nick leaned back down to set Coke on the floor. "I don't know if he'll do that now, though. He looks like he just woke up."
Miles:Â âNo one said I was going to do it just because you wanted me to. Iâll perform when I feel like it.â Miles shook his head again. âThereâs evil in there. You just refuse to see it.â He was a strong believer that the evil tendencies lay deep within every cat. Miles just didnât know what the triggers were to unleash it. âI justâ youâre something else, Nick.â Maybe it was just that his own pet was named after a book character, but something about the name Coke was just so very Nick and Miles couldnât entirely hate it. âSounds like you,â he pointed out teasingly, watching Coke be put on the floor. âIâm kinda jealous. I wish I had just woken up.â He looked back up at Nick. âOr that I was still sleeping. âCause now I have to put up with this cat and his owner who clearly has it out for me, bringing animals I hate into his life.â
Nick:Â "Well, hopefully I'm around when you do feel like it." Nick shrugged. "I guess love is blind." Even though he truly didn't think Coke was evil. He could be playful and a little rough sometimes, but Nick liked that about him. He had a cute personality. "I hear the judgement in your voice." He said lightly, smiling down at the cat who was now walking across the floor and towards Miles. "Maybe. It's okay, because we understand each other." He knew Coke was about to try to come all the way up to Miles and try to sniff him. "You're welcome to take a nap here, if you really need one. He might try to join you, though. It looks like he's trying to get to know you." He warned him lightly, even if he knew Coke wasn't going to hurt him. He was just curious. "Hey, I didn't think I'd ever see you again, I didn't do it intentionally." He said absentmindedly, not thinking about how that might sound. "He was a surprise."
Miles:Â âItâs likely.â Miles generally tended to drink when Nick was around. Not always, but still. âI havenât been hiding the fact that Iâm judging everyone in my immediate vicinity,â he pointed out, his eyes following the path of the little cat as he started to come closer to him. âIâm good on the nap.â He walked slowly as he spoke, not necessarily to get away from the cat, but to get to the couch to sit down before the cat got to him. Before he knew it, Coke was at his feet, sniffing his shoes. Miles didnât take his eyes off him. âEver again? Jeez.â Miles didnât think it had seemed that serious at the time. âI didnât think I made you feel that disposable to me.â
Nick:Â âJudge us all you want. Itâs not going to break our bond.â He said as the cat slowly stalked towards Miles, and a smile crossed his face at the sight, even if he knew Miles just freaking hate him right now. âKnock yourself out. Just donât be surprised if you wake up with a cat on your chest.â He teased. Although Coke really did like to snuggle, surprisingly. By his name most would assume he never settled down. And for the most part, theyâd be right. But he had his moments. âMaybe not ever again.â He admitted with a nod. âBut not as much as before.â He paused, and before it could get too awkward, he moved on. âIf I wasnât before, now that I have a cat Iâm sure I am. I know Iâm on your shit list now. Though if you ask me itâs totally unjustified.â
Miles:Â âIâm judging you as separate entities, not as one collective unit.â He judged Nick for getting a cat, and Coke for being one. âI said Iâm good on the nap. As in no thank you. Just as Iâm judging everyone in this room, I also donât trust you at all.â Which was a total lie. Heâd slept in front of Nick several times. Coke was a different story, though. He looked up from the cat to look at Nick instead. Obviously it was serious if he dared to let the animal out of his sight. âYouâre not,â he said genuinely. âI just needed time. I wouldâve needed you eventually.â He had already hit that point, truthfully, which was brought him here today. He knew Nick wasnât trying to get deep, and Miles smiled just a bit as he looked down again. âI donât know what kind of people you hang around but most people donât drop the L bomb just for the hell of it.â
Nick:Â âThat sounds more like a you problem than a me problem.â Nick wasnât phased; heâd already expected this reaction out of Miles if and when he found out about his new pet. Stupidly, perhaps, he was optimistic that heâd come around eventually. But maybe that was just wishful thinking on his end. âWell, now youâre just trying to hurt my feelings.â He said, not taking it to heart because he was sure that Miles was just kidding. At least Nick hoped that he was kidding. He tried not to smile at the sight of Coke cautiously feeling Miles out, but he couldnât help it. Surprised by Milesâ next words, Nick had to take a small pause. He really hadnât expected them to really vocalize what had happened between them before their time apart. He was sure theyâd revert back to their old ways of strictly not talking about things. But here Miles was, bringing it up. And it wasnât necessarily a bad thing. It just caught him off guard. âNo, but most people have better luck than we do.â He finally said, shrugging and dropping his attention down to Coke. âThings came up. Not anyoneâs fault. Just didnât think things would be the same, you know?â
Miles:Â âEh, Iâd say more of an us problem. We both have our faults here.â Miles could admittedly be a bit more accepting. He honestly was just having more fun giving Nick a hard time about it, at this point. Coke was clearly not a threat to him, simply sniffing where he could reach and at one point rubbing against his leg. Miles still couldnât bring himself to feel the urge to reach down and pet him or anything, but it was better than nothing. âNope, just being honest.â He knew there was a chance for things to go sour whenever he brought up something serious. Nick obviously wasnât always to blame, because Miles jumped to conclusions and made assumptions. It was really a hit or miss with them. But it seemed to be okay, judging by Nickâs response. They were getting there. âI guess,â Miles agreed, mirroring Nickâs shrug. âI mean, things really arenât the same, to be fair. But I stillââ He cut himself off, knowing he probably shouldnât say it. Even if he wanted to; even if he really meant it. âItâs all good, though. Weâre good.â He looked up at Nick again, nodding firmly to assure himself as well. âAll good.â
Nick:Â âSpeak for yourself. I bet you canât even name one of mine.â Actually, that was false, Nick was sure he could name several right off the bat without even thinking about it. And heâd probably be right about every single one. Maybe Nick should just shut up â but being unable to seemed to be one of the main items on the âwhatâs wrong with himâ list. âOh, so being mean is okay if youâre just being honest? Thatâs good to know.â He teased, coming over to the couch to join him, lowering himself down on the cushion next to him. âI know... theyâre not the same.â Nick replied carefully. He wasnât expecting them to be the same. Not after everything. Miles lost a child and he was about to go to court against his stepdad. And Nick still had things he was trying to deal with, too. Maybe they werenât good for each other, or maybe it wasnât the right time. For a little while, he let himself believe that there could be a chance. But now he wasnât so sure there would ever be a real one â just a bunch of feelings towards his best friend that made him feel like a mess. âBut weâre good.â He repeated, then swallowed, nodding his head. Then, unable to help more truth from slipping, he spoke again. âIâm glad I ran into you today.â
Miles:Â âYou really want to take that chance?â Miles challenged. In truth, he wouldnât particularly enjoy sitting there listing all the flaws Nick had. It wasnât like Miles didnât have several of his own. âHonesty is honesty. Itâs not my fault if youâre offended by it.â He grinned, just as a reminder that he was still trying to be funny. Nick wasnât that sensitive but still. He watched him sit next to him and listened to the way he spoke. It often didnât sit right with him, the way they talked to each other. They were cautious despite everything, even when they were being totally honest. There was always some sort of wedge between them. Sometimes it wasnât too intense, though â like now. Miles didnât feel like he was being completely shut out by him. In fact, at Nickâs last words, Miles felt the opposite effect. He watched him carefully, his gaze lingering a little too long, but when Nick didnât seem all that fazed by it, Miles went for it, leaning in and kissing him because he wanted to. It wasnât like there was anyone to hide from, and especially not like they hadnât done it before, but it always felt just a little bit scandalous. Miles couldnât help but feel like it was something he shouldnât be doing every single time. Yet he couldnât ever help himself.
Nick:Â âI do, but maybe on another day. Not feeling like being berated today, for some reason.â Nick laughed. âLucky for you I donât get offended easily.â A lie, because he did sometimes. Just not by Miles. The atmosphere shifted between the two of them, and before Nick could snap himself out of it they were just looking at each other. And thereâs so many things Nick wanted to say and do that he wasnât brave enough for. But he didnât have to be brave, because it was Miles who was leaning in to kiss him. And Nick should know better by now. He should be strong enough to end it before something else went wrong again. But instead of pulling away, he was raising his hands to cup both sides of Milesâ face while he gently responded to the kiss. His heart was pounding at that moment, because heâd missed this, even if this was different from the other times they kissed. Miles knew how he felt about him now â or should know. Nick wasnât trying to hide the fact that he cared; that he still cared. But he still knew it was something they shouldnât be doing. But just like the other times, he ignored that voice in his head in favor of scooting himself in closer, breaking their kiss just briefly before urgently pressing their lips back together.
Miles:Â And just like that, they were gone again. Miles had never had any intention of pretending nothing had happened. The Lily situation put a hold on things for sure, but it wasnât like it made him stop feeling what he felt for Nick. He didnât say all the things that he said for no reason. And while he knew Nick didnât want things to get too far emotionally, Miles just couldnât help the fact that he wanted him. It was difficult not to, and downright impossible to fight the urge. So he didnât. And Nick clearly wasnât either. He wasnât quite frantic, but his hands werenât necessarily gentle as they twisted in the fabric of Nickâs shirt. They had very little control over themselves around each other. That was clear from their very first kiss, even more so in Gregâs car, and now, here, as Miles felt his own skin warming as their legs pressed together from their awkward sitting position. He pulled at Nickâs shirt, urging him to move toward him so they could more adequately fit comfortably on the couch.
Nick:Â Rationally, Nick understood that he shouldnât keep doing this with Miles. But heâd never been very rational when it came to, well, anything. And he especially wasnât rational when it came to Miles. Heâd wanted him for awhile now, even when he tried to act like he didnât. But he couldnât quite seem to shake him. He wasnât in the best head space, and his thoughts had been more of a mess than usual lately. Having Miles grabbing at his shirt and tugging him closer, though, helped to push everything out of his mind. He wanted Miles. He missed him. And right now, thatâs all he could think about. Nick followed along and came closer still while still maintaining their kiss. Without thinking, he lowered his hands to Milesâ shoulders and gently urged him to lay back on the couch, hoping the change in position would allow them to get closer.
Miles:Â Months ago, Miles probably would have cared a lot more about the fact that he was kissing Nick of all people. Now, it wasnât quite that; he had gotten past that weird internal âwhoa, I like my best friendâ thing. It was more the fact that Nick had this...internalized homophobia, for lack of a better term, and was adamant about the fact that he didnât want this. He didnât want to hurt Miles by not giving him what he wanted, yet here he was, pushing Miles backward so he could literally move on top of him. It wasnât all that confusing. He knew that, like himself, Nick just couldnât find it in him to fight the physical urges, and Lord knew they would go back to acting like it didnât go beyond that. At the very moment, Miles couldnât bring himself to care that much as he finally lay down on the couch, his fingers going from tangling in the fabric up to thread through Nickâs hair instead. He wasnât worried about whatever was going to happen after this â at least, not yet.
Nick:Â For the most part, Nick had already come to terms with how he felt about his best friend. He knew he loved him; enough to tell him that to his face on two separate occasions. With everything that they were both going through, though, this wasnât smart. But fuck it â because he never claimed to be, anyway. As Miles began to lean back, tangling his hand in his hair as he did so, Nick let out a soft groan into his mouth. He moved along with him, balancing his legs on either side of his body so he could keep kissing him. His hands began to make their way down Milesâ body, roaming down his chest, before a loud squeaky meow interrupted his thoughts. And before he knew it, Coke was suddenly jumping up directly onto Miles.
Miles:Â He figured it was probably the groan that really did him in. The second he heard that clear confirmation that Nick was just as into it, Miles sort of lost his inhibitions â not that there was much to be said about them to begin with. But coupled with the hands sliding down his chest, it had Miles pulling a little harder on Nickâs hair to keep him there while simultaneously pressing his body up into Nickâs. They really should stop. It would be smarter. But Miles didnât have any intention of doing that. At least, not until he felt fur graze his cheek, followed by the feeling of tiny paws right on top of his head. It happened very quickly from there. Naturally, Miles reacted a bit more intensely than was at all necessary. His immediate intention was to get away from the cat, which meant lifting his head. He ended up trying to sit up immediately. His forehead collided with Nickâs before they even came apart from each other, and in response, Miles instinctively clenched his jaw, which meant biting down directly on Nickâs lip. After the whole ordeal, Miles finally recoiled and sat up, Nick still awkwardly positioned over him. He glanced over his shoulder to where Coke seemed startled, now having ended up back on the floor next to the couch. Miles took a moment to catch his breath before turning his attention back to Nick. âDid I...â He trailed off, knowing the answer to his own question, and listed a hand slowly to his own lips. âHoly shit. Iâm sorry.â
Nick:Â In the very, very back of his mind Nick knew that Coke had jumped up there with them, because he heard him as he did so. He even figured heâd have to put him up, if this continued to escalate, which it did. Well, at least it was before suddenly Miles jerked up, their foreheads colliding. And almost at the same moment, he could feel Milesâ teeth bite down on his lower lip. Wincing, Nick jerked back himself, his hand flying up to cover his mouth. He watched with panicked eyes as Miles realized what had happened. Before Nick spoke, he ran his tongue over his lip, both trying to see if he was bleeding and trying to soothe the sting. âYeah you did.â He replied, words muffled as he covered his mouth still. Finally, Nick moved off of him, the mood officially ruined. âItâs okay â itâs... fine.â But the awkwardness was clear in his tone. Nick stood up and took his hand away from his mouth so he could swoop down and pick up Coke. âSorry. Heâs never seen people... make out before.â He didnât want to say that, but really, thatâs what they were doing. âHe just wants attention, I guess.â So did Nick, but that was effectively ruined. Even still, he couldnât be mad at the cat.
Miles was truly mortified. Heâd been so startled by a kitten that heâd ruined the entire mood by legitimately biting him. âHoly shit,â Miles said again, because he couldnât even believe that he was this way. Nick was covering his mouth and Miles didnât know if heâd made him bleed or anything. He watched as Nick finally got up and went to pick up the cat. Miles nodded dumbly, understanding that that was just what animals did because they didnât know any better. He just couldnât believe heâd reacted in such a way. âFuck,â he said a little breathlessly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. Things had gotten out of hand and then came crashing down in such a short period it almost made Miles dizzy trying to keep up. Maybe he should have asked Nick to put away for a while after all. But what could he do now? âI think he knows what he did.â
Nick could taste a faint hint of iron, and while he wasnât like â gushing blood or anything, Miles had made him bleed a little bit. He wasnât sure he should tell him that, though. The mood was already ruined. No need to further drive it into its grave. Licking at his bottom lip, he chose to look down at the kitten in his arms disapprovingly. Though, as Coke once again began to purr in his arms, he didnât have it in him to truly be mad. His face still kind of ached from the impact, though. âNo he didnât.â Nick shook his head, sighing deeply and petting the kittens head with just his pointer finger. âHe saw me rolling around on you so he probably wanted to do it too.â Nick avoided looking at him as he spoke. âUh â Murphy could be here any minute though. You can watch TV or something if you want. Until he gets here.â Unless he wanted to leave, which Nick wouldnât blame him if he did. He kind of wanted to leave, and it was his own damn apartment.
Miles saw how Nick kept licking his lip. He figured he must have been bleeding a little bit, and Miles couldnât help the guilt in the pit of his stomach. He knew it wasnât a huge deal, but he certainly wished he didnât care so much about a little cat. âI was just kidding.â He obviously didnât think the cat had it out for him. âI know that.â It was always worse after they did something they knew they probably should have. Miles couldnât even be angry about it; he had known that this was going to happen. The inevitable awkwardness made itself known, and Miles sighed as he stood up, smoothing out his shirt. âAll good. Iâll leave you guys to it,â he said, gesturing toward Coke. It wasnât like he wanted to dip just because something had gone off the rails; heâd just rather leave things on a relatively high note, having been happy to reconnect with Nick at all, rather than creating more of a chance for things to go sour. âIt was good seeing you, though. Iâll see you soon.â
Nick:Â Maybe Coke interrupting them was for the best, but Nick was admittedly still disappointed about it. He didnât think him and Miles would do that kind of thing again, not like they used to before. Too much had happened, and it felt like they were more like adults and less like awkward fumbling twenty somethings. But here they were â once more awkward and fumbling and unsure of what to say or do. âOkay... Yeah. Yeah, Iâll see you later.â He said, trying to sound at least a little normal. But that failed, when he suddenly remembered something. âWaitââ He blurted out, setting Coke down again in the process. âI have something for you.â
Miles:Â Admittedly, things were better than before. Miles still thought about when they had actually had sex in Gregâs car, and immediately afterward, it was like they did a complete 180. They couldnât even look at each other, let alone recognize what had happened. Now, it was much less dramatic, but fairly uncomfortable nonetheless. Miles figured it was due to the fact that there wasnât technically anything between them but at the same time, it didnât mean nothing. So it was hard to make sense of it, and therefore easier to just leave before anything got worse. He stopped himself from leaving when Nick spoke, though, and Miles turned to look at him expectantly. âOkay,â he said simply in response.
Nick:Â It seemed like not much had changed, after all. They both clearly still had some type of feeling toward each other. Nick had tried to push him out of his head, but it didnât work. And now he was left with this feeling of weirdness in the pit of his stomach, because he was still painfully into his best friend. And now that much was obvious, once again. âOkay.â He nodded before holding up his hand, silently signaling to him that its only be a second. âHold on.â He said before he turned in order to walk back to his room. He felt awkward about even doing this, but heâd gotten it for him when they werenât talking, and he didnât want to forget in case they were both too awkward to talk again for another two weeks. Nick could feel Coke run behind him, and as he reached his door he faltered, like he always seemed to do. But he was fine now, he could go in now. Heâd worked on that over the past month or so. Having Coke go in with him every night had seemed to help. Right now, Coke was still in the living room with Miles; he could hear his bell shake. But he was still fine enough, because he knew who was around. Pushing his door open, he walked to the desk he had re-arranged to the other side of the room and grabbed the item out of one of the drawers. Leaving the door open behind him, he came back out to the living room and came to stand in front of Miles. âOkay, hope youâre ready.â He said with a small grin before dangling the Stranger Things Dustin keychain in front of him. âItâs not that much of a gift. But it reminded me of you, because you remind me of Dustin. And we still havenât finished all of Stranger Things, so I thought this would be a good reminder for us to, you know â do that.â He smiled slightly. âI got Mike for myself. Because heâs the leader. Obviously.â But also because heâs secretly always wanted to be a D&D Dungeon Master.
Miles watched curiously as Nick walked away. He didnât miss how he seemed to slow down a bit before actually going into his room. It wasnât like Miles forgot everything that had happened. He knew Nick physically couldnât go inside at a point, and Miles wondered if he should approach him now and offer to go for him. He hated not being caught up on the past month. But soon he disappeared into his room and Miles exhaled with relief. When Nick returned, he presented him with a keychain that had reminded him of Miles, and Miles couldnât help the smile that immediately appeared. âOh, wow,â he said slowly, taking the keychain from him and admiring it in his hands. âThis is cool, man. Definitely a necessary reminder. Thanks.â He immediately pocketed it for safe keeping. Heâd have to deal with it for real when he got home. âI pegged you as more of a Lucas myself. But Iâll take it.â
Nick:Â He didnât know why he was so nervous giving him a keychain, but Nick felt himself get anxious as he handed it over. Seeing Miles take it from him, he smiled and relaxed his shoulders. âI thought so. Weâll have to watch more, soon. When youâre not busy.â And when they werenât feeling quite as awkward. âI wouldnât mind being a Lucas, either.â But all those kids were way cooler than he was at that age, in all honesty. âAnyway... yeah. Iâll see you later, man.â
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: I know you donât think itâll be okay, but it will be eventually
Nick: Yeah, weâll see.
Nick: Itâs okay. I donât mind.
Nick: [UNSENT] I love y
Nick: You needed to talk.
Miles: Yeah. I guess.
Miles: I guess I'll keep you updated and stuff.
Miles: If you want.
Miles: I'll see you around?
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: I know
Nick: Iâm sorry
Nick: I wish I could help you more, but I canât. You know you have me if you need to talk. Murphy too. You can always come over.
Nick: Yeah, it does. But theyâll be there when you figure everything out.
Miles: I know. Just needed to get it out. Thanks though
Miles: I guess we'll have to see what happens
Miles: [UNSENT] I'm really fucking sorry I love
Miles: Thanks for letting me whine
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: Just clear your head and try not to get overwhelmed. I know itâs going to be a lot of you to think about.
Nick: But need to think about yourself and lily and the baby right now. Itâs okay Miles.
Nick: Itâll be okay.
Miles: God
Miles: I donât want one. And I was careful making sure it wouldnât happen but somehow it happened anyway
Miles: itâs really not but thanks for saying that
Miles: I guess this really puts a hold on a lot of things
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: Maybe she needs more time to think about it too
Nick: Are you guys going to meet up again? This is something you should probably talk more about. Together
Nick: You donât have to apologize for it. Itâs not anyoneâs fault. Iâm glad you told me.
Miles: She said I should go sit with it because she's already had the time to process. So yeah I think eventually
Miles: idk I'm just sorry that things are gonna change so much
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: Weâre freinds before anything Miles. You can talk to me. Even if itâs contusing right now.
Nick: I canât tell you what to do. But maybe you need time to process it.
Nick: What does Lily want to do?
Miles: I know
Miles: She's going through with it is all I know. She didn't say if she wants to like. Keep it.
Miles: I don't want her to but I can't tell her that because it's her choice but fucking fuck man
Miles: I'm sorry for dragging you into this but I just thought you should know sooner rather than later
Miles: but I think you're right about needing time to process. i dont know
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: Oh.
Nick: Shit.
Nick: I donât know what to say. Is she sure?
Nick: Are you Okay?
Miles: I think so. She saw a doctor.
Miles: Not really? I don't know
Miles: This is really fucked up
Miles: I don't know what to do
Miles: I know you can't tell me what to do but I just didn't know who else I could talk to
Miles: and I know this makes things even more fucked up and complicated but I don't need you to be anything but my friend right now
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: Okay...
Nick: So you saw Lily.
Nick: Are you getting back together?
Miles: What? No
Miles: I wouldnât do that to you
Miles: I thought that was it because she said she wanted to talk about when we were together a couple months ago. But that wasnât it
Miles: Jesus Christ
Miles: Sheâs pregnant
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: Youâre scaring me dude. If itâs easier, you can just say it.
Nick: Do you need to come over?
Miles: I donât think thatâs a good idea
Miles: I talked to Lily
Miles: Sheâs been trying to meet up for a while but it was never a good time and I finally got to see her this morning
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Nick: yeah dude, sure
Nick: Is everything okay?
Miles: I donât know
Miles: I really have no idea how to say this
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New Year, New Me â 017
Tagging: Miles Sterling & Nick Vaughn.
Timeframe: Sunday, December 31, 2017.
Location: A friend-of-a-friendâs party.
General Notes:Â Nick and Miles hang out at a New Years Eve party and itâs the first time anything happens between them around other people. So like, a big deal.
Miles: Miles always found himself somewhere new to ring in the new year. Sometimes it was with family, other times with close friends â this year, it was neither, as he found himself wandering the basement of a friend-of-a-friendâs home. The place wasnât quite packed, but there were plenty of faces Miles didnât recognize. One who didnât fall into that category, obviously, was Nick, who Miles hoped was still behind him as he finally moved to a spot of open air, right near the TV where a crowd had formed to watch the whole New Years Eve countdown thing. âIâm not cut out for this anymore,â Miles said when he could finally see his friend again. He was glad they were here together, given the events that unfolded a little prior to Christmas, followed by completely different events on Christmas. But they always somehow found their way back to being each otherâs sidekicks at parties like this. âItâs already way past my bedtime. I donât think Iâll even last until midnight, man.â
Nick:Â Nick usually took his New Years Eve plans very seriously. The previous years, heâd made it a point to scope out the biggest parties, of the ones that were likely to be the most memorable. This year was different. Nick didnât even realize New Years was so close; heâd been so focused on just trying to get through the overwhelming holiday that was Christmas. When word got out that a friend of a friend was throwing a small New Years party, Nick wasnât sure he even wanted to go. He almost didnât, although he knew that he should go socialize and see his friends. It turned out Miles was going, though, and if Miles was going then Nick had to show up. They always seemed to end up at these parties together â even if it was unplanned. It was practically tradition. Nick smiled and nodded at people he recognized as he walked through the apartment, realizing heâd seen a lot of these same people at previous parties although he couldnât remember half of their names. Maybe if he was feeling the spirit of New Years later heâd ask them. But for now (for once) he wanted time to ease into making himself mingle with everyone. Nick didnât think twice before walking with Miles to an open spot, still near everybody but further enough away to have breathing room. âSure you can, man. I believe in you.â He half smiled at him. âEveryone says that until they start drinking and get too hyped up to sleep. Then you wake up the next day and regret everything.â Thatâs how Nick always started the New Year.
Miles:Â Miles shook his head, looking down at plastic cup in his hand, which actually contained water this time around. âIâm not even, like...all that fun when Iâm drunk,â he pointed out, though it wasnât like Nick didnât know that. âI mean, only past a certain point. Everyone has that uphill climb when youâre full of adrenaline and stuff but once Iâm over that itâs just not pretty.â So he was trying to prevent that this time. Or maybe just prolong it, at the very least, so heâd be in that heightened state to bring in 2018. âI wonât be regretting it tomorrow, though. Iâm a good boy.â He lifted the cup of water to prove his point. âI hope youâre staying adequately hydrated. I donât mean to mom you, but you never know with you.â At this point, he really didnât know what Nick was up to sometimes. He was learning all these surprises about him lately. But that didnât matter right now.
Nick:Â Nick glanced down at Milesâ cup knowingly. Leave it to him to be the more responsible one. Nick supposed thatâs why he managed to stay out of trouble. Well, for the most part. Excluding the Greg thing which he really didnât want to think about right now, because Miles was finally starting to look like himself again. âI think youâre fun.â He said with a shrug as he glanced at a few people who passed by. âYouâre right about that though. Probably best for you to not ring in the New Year with a hangover.â Nick has, but that doesnât mean he enjoyed it. Just the events leading up to it. âThanks for the vote of confidence.â He replied, but he wasnât necessarily offended. That comment wasnât necessarily unwarranted, after all. âI actually havenât been drinking. Yet.â He tacked on so it wouldnât seem to out of character for him. âBut Iâll stay hydrated. Donât worry, Mom. I even made sure to pack a Capri Sun in my jacket pocket so drunk me would want to drink more liquids.â He patted the side of his jacket, figuring Miles would think he was kidding, but he always made sure he was prepared to overdo it even when he didnât plan on it. âChances are weâll both remember this New Years Eve. Itâs almost midnight anyway.â He turned his head to glance at the TV people were currently gathered around. Almost midnight, but not quite. âAre you excited for 2018?â He turned back to Miles with a small grin. âAny cool New Years resolutions?â
Miles:Â Miles didnât want to feel the familiar warmth in his chest whenever Nick said something as simple as finding him fun, but he was pretty sure that wasnât going to go away anytime soon. It didnât take much nowadays. âYeah, well. You get to laugh at me,â he settled on saying in response after a moment, again watching the water swirl around in his cup before raising his head again. âJust being honest. I know how you roll at these things for the most part. Capri Suns are terrible for you, for the record. Youâre probably better off with just straight vodka at that point.â Though Miles had to admit a juice box sounded good right about then. âYeah â ten minutes?â He squinted as he tried to read the little timer in the corner of the TV, but there were a lot of drunk people in the way. âSure. Iâm not sure itâll be much different from this year, but weâll see.â He shrugged. âNot really. Maybe do a little bit more with my mom, especially after everything. But Iâm already super jacked so itâs not like I need to work out or anything. I guess I could keep perfecting my stripping skills to steal your job, though. What about you?â
Nick:Â âWhen do I ever laugh at you?â He asked rhetorically, amused before the conversation shifted to Miles insulting him and his Capri Suns. âThink what you want about me, but leave the Capri Suns out of this. If they were bad adults wouldnât let their kids have them.â He states matter of factly, although that statement was clearly not entirely factual. His Grandpa let him drink a beer when he was eight so clearly some people werenât really worried about those things. âSeeing your Mom more is a good one.â He nodded. âSo your other resolution is to see me jobless. Nice.â He couldnât help but laugh. Normally heâd be concerned about people overhearing what he did for a living, but truthfully no one was even paying attention to them. âWell, Iâm going to try to find another job. Especially with you trying to steal mine. I need to be one step ahead.â He playfully glared at him for a fraction of a second. âAnd I want to finish Stranger Things with you. Thatâs also important.â Nick nodded. âAnd I want to be a guest judge on Cupcake Wars. But thatâs every years resolution.â Obviously.
Miles:Â âI could try to remember every time but weâd be here a while.â Truthfully, they usually ended up just laughing together anyway. âIâm not saying I donât like them. Iâm just saying theyâre not good for you. They arenât a useful alternative to alcohol. Parents let kids have plenty of terrible things.â He shrugged. âWell, these skills have to go somewhere. Sorry, man.â He was glad to hear that Nick was going to look for other jobs. Something about him being there still rubbed Miles the wrong way after what had happened. âThat will be good for you,â he said seriously. âStranger Things, too. Iâm annoyed that weâre gonna be a year behind everyone else but itâs no oneâs fault but ours, I guess.â He knew that they were just going to have to try harder not to talk the whole time. âI would watch the hell out of that episode. I think youâd have more luck just becoming a contestant, though.â
Nick:Â Nick rolled his eyes playfully at the comment, but didnât feel the need to reply. âSugar water is good for humming birds, maybe scientists thought itâd be the same for kids.â He shrugged. Who was he to argue with the creators of Capri Sun? He just thought they tasted good. âMaybe Iâll end up mixing it with vodka at some point so itâs extra bad for me.â He joked. At the talk of him finding another job, Nick nodded. âYeah... I want to. I donât know if Iâll find anything better, but weâll see.â At the Stranger Things talk, Nick smiled again. âWeâll get there, dude. Even if we have to binge it right before season three starts. Maybe itâs even better this way so we wonât have months of withdrawals like everybody else.â Theyâd have to avoid spoilers like the plague, though, considering everyone else in the world has seen it besides them. âThat means more to me than you know.â He said seriously, raising his hand to his chest as he did. âYou really think so? Thatâd be the ultimate dream. Maybe you could come with me and be my teammate. I think we have the same creative vision.â
Miles:Â âDo they say artificial flavors are good for hummingbirds, too? I must have missed that scientific discovery.â As if Miles actually cared about eating healthy. He put a lot of crap into his body. âThat doesnât even sound like a terrible idea. I mean, it is a terrible idea but I still want to try it.â He figures if he was up for it later heâd go hunt down the ingredients for Nickâs new cocktail. âI think there are plenty of better options for you. You just have to work your way up. But anythingâs probably better than that.â Maybe not anything, but there were certainly quite a few that would be a start. âSeriously. Iâm not great under pressure, though. I guess I could just tag along and taste things as you go but you canât count on me to do any baking. Iâll crack, man.â He noticed a sudden commotion near them, and Miles turned to see the crowd gathering further around the TV as the countdown got closer to midnight. âWell, looks like weâre almost in 2018. I have a feeling itâll be your big Cupcake Wars break for sure.â
Nick:Â âI donât know, Iâm not a birdologist.â Nick laughed, nodding. âItâs a horrible idea. But you can try it with me if you want. We should do it right before we leave so you donât have to worry about getting sick in front of all these people.â He only had one jumbo Capri Sun anyway, so the cocktail wouldnât be particularly big. âIâm gonna try. I dunno. Weâll see.â Nick shrugged. He wasnât really sure if heâd be able to find anything that paid as well as his current job did, and that was the important part. But heâd at least try. âI believe in you. I need you there, dude. Youâre the only other person who knows how the competition works as well as I do.â He said genuinely, gently slapping Milesâ shoulder as he spoke. The excited yells and murmurs from beside them soon grabbed his attention, though, and he turned his head to glance at the TV currently airing the countdown. âAnd this will be the year you get your big Stripping break.â He turned back to grin at him. âWeâre so underprepared, though. We donât have 2018 sunglasses or tiaras or anything. I guess weâll just have to do the countdown super loudly to make up for it. You ready?â
Miles:Â âI will almost definitely throw up.â They weâre pretty good at bad ideas, though, so he was still into it. âI guess thatâs all you can really do.â There was certainly no harm in trying. âBut itâs too much pressure, dude. I know Iâd fall apart under the circumstances. Cupcakes are too serious for me. I just like to watch. And eat them.â He was definitely more of a judge type, but that was Nickâs aspiration. âMan, I hope so. Itâs my lifeâs dream.â It was now Milesâ unspoken duty to give Nick shit about the stripping thing as often as he could without downright disrespecting him. âWell, we can just borrow them from someone else here. I doubt any of these drunk people would notice.â He could stick with the countdown thing, though. âYeah. I mean, itâs no big deal.â He shrugged. He had never considered it a huge thing. Heâd stay where he was and watch drunk couples kiss at midnight and cheer with the other drunk single people and then that would be it. âI might have to go find the dog to kiss me at midnight, though. Start my year off right.â
Nick:Â Nick nodded in understanding. âMaybe if I ever get on as a contestant we can sneak you in to be a judge. Or security or something. Then I can just sneak you the cupcakes.â And probably get kicked out of the competition, but heâd risk it. âIf you need help working on your professional stripping skills, donât be afraid to ask. Iâve got years of experience now.â Nick didnât freely talk about what he did with just anybody, but it was easy to joke about this with Miles, because he knew he didnât think less of him for being a stripper. âHonestly, probably not.â He rose an eyebrow as he heard the crowd go wild again, and Nick wondered if he sounded like that when he partied. He probably sounded worse. âGood plan. But if you canât find the dog, you might want to find a human backup. âCause if you donât youâll get ten years of bad luck.â
Miles: âI could deal with that. Although if weâre being totally honest, weâre both better off as we are.â Miles himself much preferred watching it from his couch whilst eating store bought cupcakes that he didnât have to work for. âI appreciate that. You should teach lessons. Iâd do it.â He wasnât sure where Nick drew his line, but if Miles had to guess, that was probably it. Miles continued to watch the people around them begin to grab onto each other and move in closer, in all of their respective pairs as the clock ticked down. âThere are very few people here I would consider worth these luscious lips.â He chuckled, but he was totally serious. He turned his attention back to Nick with a shrug. âBesides. I think you know as well as I do I only really want to kiss one person lately,â he admitted, having no fear in doing so. He was sure to lower his voice, though. He knew they werenât a âthing,â they werenât boyfriends, and Nick wasnât ready to even be anything close to that in front of people. Miles didnât mind. âBut itâs not necessary in front of all these people. I can kiss that person another time.â
Nick:Â "I hate to admit it, but you're probably right. I need to practice first. Really get good at making a solid cupcake." Nick loved cupcakes, so he probably would try to make some from scratch one day to see if he could. He wasn't banking on a good outcome, but hey, who knew? "Maybe that should be my new job. Stripper teaching. That's how I got into it, you know. A friend taught me. Maybe there's a market for stripping coaching out there." He said quietly enough so no one else would hear him. If they did, that's when he'd shut up. It was all fun and games until someone heard him. "Luscious lips? Have you been using Lip Smackers, or what?" His lips tugged into an amused grin. "Well, God, Miles. If you wanted to kiss Lily that bad you should have just invited her." He said, clearly joking, although maybe that was too soon to joke about. But he knew what Miles meant, and his heart was undoubtedly warmed by it. His words made him feel things he never expected to feel, but he wasn't pushing them away this time. This time he was embracing them. "What if..." His voice suddenly took a serious turn, and he felt ridiculously vulnerable. Not to mention stupid. There were a thousand negative thoughts now running through his head telling him that he shouldn't say that he was about to say, but his heart wasn't seeming to listen to them. "What if that person wants to kiss you here?"]
Miles:Â âI volunteer to be your taste tester.â Miles might end up trying some admittedly bad cupcakes, but it was all in the name of helping Nick improve. Plus, a bad cupcake was still a cupcake. âReally? Is that a thing? To be fair, you kind of inadvertently showed me a thing or two.â He had technically stripped in front of him, after all. âYes, luscious â I said what I said. Youâre right, though. The cotton candy kind.â He had actually been obsessed with those for a while as a kid. At Nickâs joke, Miles rolled his eyes, though he appreciated the humor in the situation as a whole. âYouâre hilarious.â He shook his head and sipped from his water, immediately pushing Lily out of his thoughts. None of that mattered when he was with Nick. And it became even truer when Nick spoke next. Miles raised an eyebrow at him as he peered over the edge of his cup. âWhat?â was all he could say at first. He finally lowered his drink then. âYou donât... I mean, itâs... Nick, thereâs people around,â he finally settled on, glancing at the crowded area around them. âItâs not a big deal to me, you know. I know Iâm not your...â He trailed off. He didnât need to say it. He shrugged instead. âItâs just not a big deal,â he repeated.
Nick:Â âYou might have to be my only taste tester. I donât think anyone else is brave enough.â So Nick definitely appreciated the offer. âWell it is now.â He paused, caught off guard by the comment. He smiled slightly, a little embarrassed. â...That doesnât count.â Nick laughed at the luscious lips talk. âGood, everyone knows cotton candy is the best kind. That and the soda ones. I liked the root beer one, personally. It just didnât make my lips very luscious because I kept licking it off.â Hence the name lip smackers, he guessed. The playful conversation slowly gave way to something more serious, and Nick was left feeling exposed. But he wasnât denying what he just suggested. âI know there is. And I know... I know youâre not. But...â He shrugged slightly. âThen it shouldnât be a big deal if I do it.â He said cautiously. He knew it was a big deal. It felt like a very big deal.
Miles: âI feel like thatâs typical between the two of us. We have to do things for each other because no one else is willing to breach this territory.â It was definitely strange territory sometimes, so Miles couldnât particularly blame other people. âIt so does count. Only difference is I didnât have to pay for it. But I got the full experience.â He laughed lightly, knowing it was probably the alcohol coursing through his veins making him speak so nonchalantly about it, especially in front of other people. âOkay. Iâm done now, promise.â Maybe. Time would tell. âThey do that on purpose, yâknow. Make it so you keep licking your lips and make âem even drier so you have to keep buying more. Get with it, Nicholas.â He wanted to figure out where this had come from, why Nick was suddenly interest of the prospect of kissing him in front of other people. But all Miles could really do was blink, unable to try and put the pieces together. Why now? Here? âIfâŚâ He trailed off, looking over at the TV once again, which was now counting down the final minute of the year. âIf youâre sure,â he finally said, holding his gaze again. âBut donât â donât push yourself.â His voice was lower again, and he took a step toward Nick. It felt like too much space between them to be talking about something soâŚintimate. âIâm not gonna tell you no.â
Nick: âIf you ask me theyâre missing out.â Just because their ideas didnât make sense or seem good to other people didnât mean they were any less valid. Nick was glad Miles thought the same way he did â half the time it seemed like he was the only person who understood what he was saying. âLucky you.â Nick frowned at the teasing. âIf you tried to pay me for it we would no longer be speaking.â He wasnât exactly mad, he was just used to it being a touchy subject. âAre you sure?â He deadpanned. âShit â- youâre right. I canât be mad at smart business strategies, though. Maybe I should have asked for lip smackers for Christmas. My lips have been way less luscious than when I used to use it.â Nick didnât know exactly what had gotten into him. All he knew is that over the past few weeks, something had changed with him and Miles. It was subtle, but they were no longer trying to hide the fact that they wanted to kiss each other. So Nick, from time to time, had moments where he thought that he wanted to try to kiss him again. Apparently, right now was one of the moments. âI donât want...everyone to see us.â That thought made him nervous. He continued to keep his voice quiet. âIâm not ready for that.â He held his gaze in return, trying to be honest. âBut I want to be able to kiss you at midnight. Because I want to.â He could hear the countdown in the background, and it was getting closer and closer to midnight. Nick reached out to grasp onto Milesâ sleeve and took a step backwards, hoping he would take the hint and move with him closer to the wall  and away from the crowds of people.
Miles:Â âI am lucky. But I didnât need to pay you.â Miles wanted to remind him that he got his fair share, but he left that part out. âOkay, now I am,â he promised. âThat would have been a good gift. Though I think what I did get you was better.â He was proud of the t-shirt. Meaningful gifts and all that shit. He nodded slowly as Nick spoke, even if admittedly he should have been more taken back by what heâd said. He knew he should have cared, but...it was Nick. He wanted to be with him. If this was what Nick needed, then so be it, even if that meant hiding in the shadows. Though Miles supposed this was a step in the right direction. He watched Nick pull his sleeve, blindly stepping forward to follow him. They were moving further away from the view of others, which was fair, and what Miles would have expected anyway. He felt like he was a part of something much larger, sneaking around and trying to keep it under wraps. It made his heart race. He looked over his shoulder, watching the seconds tick down. âI hope...â He wasnât sure where he wanted to go with that at first. He paused and bit down on the inside of his cheek. âI hope next year is, um, easier.â Theyâd both had to deal with some shit this year, about a lot of things. Miles just wanted things to be simple. He looked down, his hand sliding up Nickâs arm slowly. Ten seconds. Miles met his eyes, his palms feeling sweaty like he was fourteen and about to have his first kiss. It still didnât feel real sometimes, even seeing Nick in front of him, but he held his gaze and waited.
Nick:Â âDo you ever get tired of being so hilarious?â His words were clearly coated in sarcasm, but he knew that Miles was (mostly) being harmless. âYeah... That was the best gift.â He said genuinely. He hadnât expected it, but he loved it and was planning on wearing it whenever he could. As he and Miles walked further back, Nickâs heart was racing. Maybe this isnât what most people thought of when they thought of kissing who they wanted at midnight. Maybe it wasnât a big deal to Miles, because theyâd be hidden. It wasnât like it was in the middle of the room. But still... to him, it felt like it was. It felt like the step before taking that step, and it was exciting as it was nerve wracking. âMe too.â Nick murmured back when they stopped. For a moment, it felt like they were two awkward teenagers, just staring at each other and unsure of what to do. Milesâ hand traveling up his arm and the way he was already standing so close made him want this even more â and suddenly he was very sure of this decision. On the count of six, Nick tugged him even closer by his sleeve. On the count of three, he lifted his hands up to cup either side of Milesâ face. And on the count of one, he leaned in to gently press his lips against Milesâ. His nose bumped his a little clumsily, and he almost smiled, but he was too preoccupied by how good it felt to be able to do this.
Miles:Â âItâs really hard being me.â He wanted to flip his hair, but he didnât have the long hair to flip and it just wouldnât work. At least Nick could do the flippy bangs thing. âIâm glad you liked it. Yours was way better, though. Itâs been on repeat.â Heâd been so psyched about it he could have actually cried. And maybe he did later on. Heâd never tell. He hadnât expected the night to come to this. Honestly, Miles didnât think heâd be kissing anybody this year. But if it was going to be anyone, he was obviously glad it was Nick. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through him as they came closer while the countdown continued behind them. When it finally reached midnight, Nick pulled him in and kissed him. Miles could hear champagne popping open somewhere behind him, cheering, and he was positive that there was a lot of sloppy drunk kissing going on, but his eyes had slid shut at this point, his hands on Nickâs waist to hold him there. He hoped that this was going to set the tone for the new year. That this meant maybe things were going to be easier and Nick would feel more comfortable doing things like this. He was grinning when he pulled away, realizing there was nothing he wanted more from the night than for exactly that to occur. âItâs a shame it didnât taste like lip smackers.â
Nick:Â âPoor you.â He really did love his gift, and he was glad to hear that Miles liked his too. âGood, I thought you might like it. I wouldnât say itâs better. We both got equally good gifts, I think.â For as long as the countdown seemed to take, the kiss itself didnât seem to last nearly as long. Or maybe the selfish part of his brain just wanted more of it. Heâd kissed Miles before, but it was always in private. And more often than not, not even the two of them would really acknowledge it. This time it was different. It felt more real. Pulling back slightly, he opened his eyes to look at Miles. Unable to help it, he laughed at the comment. âMaybe next time weâll remember to get some.â
Miles:Â âAlright. I can agree with that.â It spoke volumes how well they knew each other. They were able to get each other things that others wouldnât even think of. Miles could have kept kissing him all night into the next morning if it were realistic, but theyâd definitely get kicked out of the party eventually. He was content that theyâd even kissed at all, to be fair. âYeah. Next time,â he agreed. He obviously still remembered, but now it was difficult for him to understand why there was ever a time where the two of them tried to pretend they didnât feel a certain way about each other. There were very few things holding them back now. Just a few more obstacles that Miles was sure they could eventually work through â hopefully â and then maybe everything would just work out fine. âHappy New Year, man.â He lingered for a moment, then shifted his attention behind him. No one seemed to even notice them, which Miles had suspected â but still. He understood. âI think we should go find some champagne.â
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TEXT âď¸ MILES â NICK
Miles: Hey man.
Miles: Can you talk right now?
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nickovaughn:
âYeah.â He tried not to sound bitter. After all, theyâd both just said a lot of things that theyâd probably end up regretting. Theyâve both been out of line this entire conversation. âWhy are you suddenly so interested in the way Iâm living my life?â He shot back, his defenses flaring back up once again. âWhy would it matter even if it was my way? Itâs my way. Not yours, Miles.â He wasnât going to outright answer, because he told himself it wasnât his business. It wasnât anybodyâs business. âYeah â and what about Greg? Are you going to report him?â
Miles could have approached the topic differently, and perhaps should have, but it wasnât like Nick was ever going to want to talk to him about it anyway. So he might as well bring it up as it popped into his head. âSince I learned that youâre doing drugs,â he replied calmly. Not that he hadnât always been interested in whatever Nick was doing, but this was certainly more of an incentive to care. âBecause youâre a part of my life and itâs not just about you. Thatâs...some fucked up shit, man. Do you even know what youâre doing?â It was a valid question, though it didnât quite seem it at the moment. âI guess so. Just...really not looking forward to it.â
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nickovaughn:
Milesâ words hit him hard, because itâs not like he was wrong. He was painfully right, and Nick hated that fact. âI know.â He replied just as quietly, his shoulders slacking as some of the anger dissipated. It wasnât really Miles he was mad at. Was he hurt by him saying it? Yeah. But he wasnât wrong, and that was the worst part. âBut you think I donât know that? Iâm well aware of what Iâm not able to do. I donât need you pointing it out to me.â His words werenât angry anymore, but suddenly he felt tired. âI know you want to help me. But I can deal with it my own way. Let me deal with it.â His words were almost a plead. âI know that you care. And I appreciate it. But I donât think itâll help me like it could help you. Thatâs what I want you to understand.â He continued on softly. âI promise⌠that Iâll think about it again. But thatâs all I can commit to right now.â
âI know that. I just wanted to prove a point.â He knew it wasnât the right way to do that after the fact. âI was out of line.â Miles wanted to shut up then, to do what Nick asked of him and let him deal with it. But not only did he still want to be there for him, Miles also remembered that first time Nick had admitted to not being able to go into his room, when Miles went for him and found the drugs in his pocket. It was like a switch, the memory suddenly coming to him and causing Miles to look at Nick again. âDoes your way involve those pills?â He wasnât Nickâs parent and he had no control over what he was going to do, but he was going to make it clear that he didnât like that shit nonetheless. âThatâs all I asked you to do in the first place. Thanks.â
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nickovaughn:
Miles going further into detail about what had happened made him feel nauseous; it made him angry for him. He tried to hide his wince, but he couldnât hide that the words got to him. âI know itâs hard, Miles. I know the last thing you want to do is to relive it. Iâm sorry ââ He broke off briefly, knowing it wasnât his fault and knowing he shouldnât apologize, but he wasnât what else he could say to comfort him. âI know I pushed it, but I care, okay? i care about what happens to you and I care that Gregâs out there just living his life like normal. It drives me crazy.â He admitted, the moment of vulnerability slipping out just briefly. He was still overwhelm with frustration and annoyance and hatred for the people who were causing them to have this conversation in the first place. Nickâs blood ran cold at Milesâ last words, and his head snapped up so he could look at him. At first he was in shock, but it soon gave way to anger. âFuck you.â He said quietly. âFuck you, Miles. I knew I shouldnât have asked you over that night. I shouldnât have even told you anything.â
Miles shouldnât have said it, and he knew it immediately afterward. Maybe it was true, but that didnât mean it was necessary for him to point it out like that. It wasnât Nickâs fault. Nickâs words stung, and maybe he deserved them. Miles swallowed, the deafening silence surrounding them for a few moments before he finally spoke again. âI just want you to be okay,â he said, his voice much lower but still on edge. âAnd...Iâm sorry, but youâre not okay when itâs still holding you back that badly. Itâs true, okay? He...â Miles trailed off, shaking his head. Truthfully, he wasnât even positive what exactly Jude had done to him. Not that it mattered, and he didnât want to know more than he already did. âNow you canât set foot in your own room without remembering. And you can be pissed at me, too, but fuck if Iâm not going to do everything I can to try to get you to find some peace for yourself too.â He looked away. His stomach churned as he pictured Jude in his mind, and he could only imagine how Nick felt. âJudeâs still out there living that same life. It pisses me off just as much. Thatâs what you need to understand.â
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