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Why am I obsessed with humorism. It's like alchemy for the body. It's the closest we came to fantasy world rules. We were this close.

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Rebalance your humors on-the-go with this one weird trick!

my special swiss army mug can hold a wide variety of tactical liquids

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When the public toilet seat is still warm 🤧🥹🥵💇‍♂️👯‍♂️

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Homer drinks Muff

They just added a new patch to the Simpsons

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Bumper sticker that says my other car is a damp pair of jorts

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God dammit I left my sea legs in my other pants

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Make your own lube at home! Click here to learn more.

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Yeah I'm post-hole and post-cock, I've grown beyond such concepts. My feet have been replaced with an unfathomable entity. Life is agony.

“post hole” “post cock” “post feet” shut the fuck up you neanderthals. post your resume and credit score. or mommy won’t call you back for a second round interview.

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Humans are startling good at pattern matching. For example, even when typing out a work document fully in a formal mental context, the phrase "labels localized" may perhaps immediately infect one's mind with "bogos binted."

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When you're sorber it sluice the song, when beats rise and fall as you, but the time let it when durnk into vaporcrash through each cog. Ergo, rise and fall. Two minutes a melody.

when you’re drunk every song feels like it’s two minutes long. does anyone know the science behind this phenomenon

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Reblog and put in the tags how you would die if your URL predicted your death

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Hey can I get a refund I ordered a decaf orange juice but it's filled with this paste

theres no caffeine in orange juice but dont you think there should be

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This gym has a workout device that can only be described as the humping machine

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Continually confused why the "s/m" gauge is stuck at 60 until I realize it means seconds per minute, just to become even more confused when it starts going up

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Personally I'm partial to the List of lists of lists, you can just feel the author's shit-eating grin

we're going to wikipedia island. whats your last wikipedia page and favorite wikipedia page. mine are list of mythological objects and list of literary movements

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My farm is perfectly constructed. Every morning when I wake up in bed at the far end of my farm, I ring my gong. Then I spend all morning sitting in bed. By breakfast time the gong's resonant frequency has traveled to the other end of the farm, and as it smacks my pig, it disassembles into perfectly cooked breakfast meats. My farm is perfectly constructed.

every morning i go out onto the farm and ring a gong at the perfect resonant frequency of one of my pigs, causing it to disassemble into perfectly cooked breakfast meats