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Deng Wei looking almost like a normal person until you really register how pretty he is.

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On rewatch this is even better. Mmmm, this is the sequence where he falls for her. (I love that it took a whole year for him to be able to get out of bed, yikes.)

But yeah, knowing what we know now, you can tell he just doesn't like being touched and yeah don't blame him between associating touch with pain and loathing the way he looks.

Woo, bath time! I want someone to make me a giant bath but not if I have to be in a torture dungeon first.

EEEEE but also yeah, once again, he doesn't really want to be touched at all.

Well I guess there are pluses in knowing exactly what you will be buying, heh.

But also I love this scene, because he's kinda standing still there all dead inside and she's undressing him and blah blah also jeez every time I see the scars they freak me the hell out no wonder he has body image issues.

And then it hits her she's undressing a man and heeeeee she totally gets all shy. Which makes sense, because when he was just in bed unconscious etc she only saw him as a patient but now he's well enough she can see him as a man and well, she IS a girl.

I actually really like how much this moment makes him fall for her because as he puts later he hated himself and the way he looked and what happened to him and she actually looked at that mangled body and got shy and viewed him as a man one can blush about and that really restored so much to him and like (I mean, it's bad enough for your average person to go from normal to mangled, but this man was supposed to be the pinnacle of physical perfection and also a deity and the novel makes it clear how close to impossible it is to leave lasting scars on a deity so he is an incredible freak in their world) - this IS a solid reason to go for someone who saved your life but now saved your sense of self too.

Semi side note, I love how consistent that is that she doesn't just like him or w/e, she genuinely desires him. His fiancee sees his torso and runs out in disgust and XY looks at him in full knowledge of what every inch of him looks like and wants, wants, wants - I mean, the scene where she wakes up after he leaves and there is a lock of his hair in her hand and she says something like "he left me a lock of his hair to drive me mad with want" and it's perfectly tailored to his issues. (And for her it's sort of like that but in reverse - plenty of men swoon for her when she's in her proper looks and place as the princess but he was in love when she had neither and looked like a scruffy dude village physician with no manners. In a way, he needs to have his body found attractive and she needs for someone to look beyond beauty of hers, and they both give each other what they need.)

I would normally crack up and go "Jing, don't you know gay men exist" but you know what - he's so very much a sheltered highborn lady, I don't think he does. Heh.

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limiting people’s access to you is self care

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lucky

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For someone who is tired 100% of the time, I sure am bad at sleeping.

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forgetting

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Sydney Mortimer Laurence (American, 1865–1940)

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when ambiguous cdrama male leads do The Thing

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leon möckel

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