asymptotic-rage - Tumblr blog

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The pack without Stiles are the dumbest motherfuckers. How do they not all get killed immediately? Just making the worst possible decision in every case

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Never has a character been as stupid as Scott McCall, especially in season 6A

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In an alternate universe where they go back to their canon timelines after the quangle, in the moment that Liam sends Preston to help Lapin, does he think about that weird day where an orange fairy told him Preston would die? As he watches the axe come down, does he wonder if there was another option? Does he wonder if Preston’s death is his fault?

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one thing no one ever teaches you is that you can just make things nicer and more intentional- you can take your energy drink, pour it in a rocks glass over ice with a slice of lime on the rim, and sip it slow. and you'll think, "wow i am the biggest faggot to have ever lived". and you know what? you're right.

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I love that Brennan's dynamic DMing for his wife is "Yes, absolutely, anything you want an I'm also going to make sure you never die" and Murph's dynamic DMing for his wife is, "No, you're absolutely fucking insane and I'm going to make you suffer for it."

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One of the reasons I like pigeons so much is because I relate to them. Unafraid of humans and yet completely feral. Literally too stupid to die. Can and will eat anything. I think I would also be really fucking bad at building a nest, and just have like a quarter of my kids survive to adulthood by sheer luck. Social extrovert fond of doing seemingly pointless shit as a group activity. Thriving in cities because tall apartment buildings resemble their natural habitat (rock cliffs) as well as mine (wizard tower).

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Didn’t expect hamster god exploding toilet story to turn into Brennan and Izzy foreplay but it did and I’m here for it

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Making like Kristen Applebees at the doctor’s office today. “Pussy out. Tits away”

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10th grade English really did a number on me. As soon as Brennan went “the boats are beat ceaselessly back…” I went “it’s the Great Gatsby!” I hope that my teacher is proud

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The fascinating thing about Tumblr polls is their ability to demonstrate that no matter how thorough you think you were, it is not possible to ask a simple question with enough clarity to receive the type of answers you were hoping for. You could ask "have you ever been to France?" and clarify that by "you" you're referring to the singular 'you', the person reading the question, and I suppose in cases of multiple/system interpretation of DID, all people currently or previously inhabiting the same body, but no other family members or people that one could otherwise count as 'kin'.

By 'been to' you mean 'has personally physically stepped on french soil' so being on a plane that flew through french airspace doesn't count if you didn't land, sitting in a car/bus that drove through the country doesn't count if you didn't step out of the vehicle at any point, and being there as a fetus when your expecting parent was pregnant with you doesn't count. Getting dicked down by a frenchman also doesn't count, in that case France was in you and not the other way around. Also "I was born in France/I am french" is a separate option.

And you figure you've covered all your bases but once you hit "post", the comment section explodes into mass confusion. Someone wants to know if it counts as visiting France if you were in France but you used a wheelchair. Someone asks if it counts if the frenchman was bottoming, or if you got dicked down by a frenchwoman. Somebody doesn't understand what OP means by "France". Another person is offended that their trip to France "apparently doesn't count" since they also had sex with a local while there. Somebody doesn't understand why "I am french canadian" wasn't included as an option. OP doesn't understand why "I am french canadian" would be included as an option. Four people were frozen stiff in terror and confusion, but made a brave attempt to wildly guess what the question means, and answered something completely wrong.

I accidentally added a poll and can't remove it, so it is now part of this post:

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I don’t think anyone understands how much I love Izzy Roland as Jack Manhattan.

His name is Manhattan. He’s from Brooklyn. He’s working in LA. He’s taken down more terrorists than most FBI agents. His partner was killed by the Belgian mafia. He’s a 58-year-old divorcee who is getting divorced another time. He’s a mom. He shoots his gun at doors and misses. He acts like he has a concussion. He doesn’t know how to use a gun but he wants one anyway. He makes out with his own reflection. His catchphrase is “cock-a-doodle-doo bitch.” I’m in love with him and I’m a lesbian

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You are loved.

Reference here

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i know people make these kinds of posts with fictional characters a lot but like. hank green truly is one of The Most Guys Ever. like. he's one of the earliest youtubers who is still on there. he's a 43-year-old tiktok star. he's a science educator. he got cancer and his response was to make a tier list of the press's coverage of his cancer announcement. the president of the united states sent him a message of support and he told the president that he was pissing out the cancer. years earlier he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and his response was to write a polka song about it. he created vidcon. he's the ceo of a company that produces a shitton of educational series (well, not acting ceo at the moment due to the aforementioned cancer). his guitar says "this machine pwns n00bs" on it. he invented 2D glasses. one of his earliest videos to get popular was about animal sex. between him and his brother, he was known as "the science one" (or "the music one") while his brother was "the writer one," and then he wrote two new york times bestselling novels. his most controversial opinion is that butt is legs. he's done so many things that there is a website dedicated to counting the number of days since he started a new thing. he and his brother use their internet following to (among other things) fight maternal/infant mortality in sierra leone. he has a baked bean furby. hes even bisexual

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I knew I was nerdy.

I didn’t know I’m “play dnd for 5 hours and then get into a conversation about Brandon Sanderson where I, with complete sincerity, say the words, ‘my favorite punctuation mark is an em dash, closely followed by a semicolon’ and then my friends get mad about that opinion” nerdy

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So I not only googled that story but then I got interested so I started googling a bunch of bands. They’re all extremely stupid stories.

Sum 41 is because they formed their band on the 41st day of summer. Paramore is a rearranging of one of the member’s mom’s maiden names. Green Day is when you spend a whole day smoking weed.

I’m now convinced that (at least all the 2000s bands) have stories that will simply make your life worse

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Always Keep Sucking Down would be GMed by Wennan Wee Wulligan