astersoul - Tumblr blog

[astersoul]

Kim Dokja.

If anyone could've saved you, who would it be?

Would you have allowed it then, if you knew there'd be someone willing enough?

or would you still have chosen the same path only to save that person as well?

Would it have been possible for the end to change if Yoo Joonghyuk knew the answer?

Would it have been possible for him to reach towards the deepest parts of this man's heart if only he had come to understand him better?

Kim Dokja.

You have stubbornly, so unnecessarily, pinned all our hopes unto yourself - engraved them into your very bones as if it was the only way. As if this had always been your fate.

If you could decide your fate, won't it only be right if i decide my own to be the one that could've changed yours?

Kim Dokja.

You have turned your one and only savior into nothing more than a stranger. As if I didn't really matter to you. As if I couldn't have done this for you.

Yoo Joonghyuk could only tighten his grip unto the other man's collar. He was starting to fade, and this bastard still managed a faint genuine smile while declaring how this story had been a great one.

What was so great in a story that would only end with you nowhere to be seen? Your presence no longer to be felt, your laughter no longer to be heard? Your eyes no longer to behold your heart's indescribable amount of love?

To where exactly would this love of yours go, Kim Dokja? Was this sacrifice supposed to reflect everything you've held in your now weakening pulse? To whom was this even supposed to fall unto, you fool?

In this damned world, there would be no other Kim Dokja, and he was now slipping from Yoo Joonghyuk's grasp.

You cannot save those who can't be saved.

Yoo Joonghyuk felt sick.

Was there really no other choice?

It should've been me.

It should’ve been me.

It would’ve been me, Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk felt his throat burning, rage scratching through the walls of his windpipe but the only words he could only blurt out were-

"No, No, No. Kim Dokja, No- Don't leave m-"

There was a heavy lump in his throat as he watched Kim Dokja's eyes, ones that always seemed to hold the stars, now dim into a blackened sky.

"Let's meet again, Yoo Joonghyuk."

Yoo Joonghyuk's palm could only clutch at the ashes of the one he could not call his own.

The only one he could not save.

- this song reminded me of joongdok, so i wanted to write something in hopes i could get over that certain chapter....

tho this may not necessarily point to 3rd turn yjh alone, this is also to a yjh who would've been desperate enough to show this vulnerability in him as he grasps at the remaining seconds he had with kdj

(i havent reached this part in the novel yet so this is purely an hc TT)

[astersoul]

"dont stay out in the waters so late," had been a constant warning of mothers to their children, of wives to their husbands, of old men who had lost their sons.

young sailors robbed of their future by the harsh waves of the night sea

but yjh was not one to listen. the old man at the port simply looked at him and shook his head. he had warned the youth for so many times but there was no getting into that stubborn head of his.

"may the waters be so kind to you tonight," was a prayer to those who had gone and never returned. the old man reached for his crumpled book and scratched a line over the youth's name as his silhouette faded into the fog.

yjh silently waited as he let the waters rock his boat. he did not understand why the village would be so afraid until he was in the thickness of the fog itself.

yet it was not fear that settled in his heart, it was closer to that of anticipation.

what could be waiting for him on the other side?

or would something appear out of nowhere and pull him down into the waters?

deep down, he wished for it to be the latter.

after all, there was not much to do in the village, and it would only be right for him to finally accompany his family down there.

something hit the waters nearby, and yjh stayed still. his heart thumping by the movement that seemed to be drawing closer and closer...

a weight tilted his boat to the right and yjh turned to see the most alluring eyes of what supposed to be a made-up nightmare for children.

it was a siren. a beautiful one at that.

the siren had pitch black hair cascading down his pale skin, and his eyes seemed to hold the stars that had long been hidden by the fog that plagued their village.

"hello" came his sweet voice.

yjh blinked. it didn't bother him if he was to die soon. what bothered him was how he was now eager to hear this siren sing.

for a simple word to resonate in his heart, yjh knew he was bewitched.

"hello there"

the siren smiled, mischief glittering in his eyes. yjh watched as he leaned over the wood to gently place his webbed hand on his thigh.

"would you like to hear my song?"

[astersoul]

when suguru left, neither satoru nor shoko talked about what had happened let alone mention his name

classes went on as if yaga had only two students from the start, tho there was one morning when he couldn’t take the uncomfortable weight of the silence and he suddenly muttered something about suguru while shaking his head- both his students said nothing then, but shoko saw how gojo's fingers silently curl around the corner of his paper

days dragged by, and both students took on their respective missions while occasionally being paired together.

neither of them brought up the empty space between them at the back of the car, yet they never moved even an inch towards it as if there was still someone sitting there. instead, they'd turn their heads to look out the window or pretend to be asleep throughout the whole ride

the elders might think these two were both handling the matter well, but it was evident to the other students how much it was taking them to hold everything together and not burst out...

yet not one of them would bring up how satoru would quietly take out suguru's bike and wipe every part of it, not one of them would point out how he'd thoroughly clean the tires even though he had never ridden it himself nor had he planned to do so in the future

not one of them would mention how they'd often see shoko standing in front of suguru's room while holding a bag of snacks, not one of them would speak about how she'd silently wipe her cheek before heading back to her own room

while they had taken notice of such 'routines', they had also been the same with nanami

not one of them would ask him why he'd sometimes walk alone yet suddenly turn his head as if a cheery voice had called out to him, not one of them would mention why he'd bought two drinks from the machine instead of just one

after all, they were just kids...and each had learned to grieve on their own

[astersoul]

a joongdok ghost au where they only get to meet on the last night of october

yjh is on his finest suit, his hair styled for once, his best perfume settling nicely on his collar

a lovely bouquet in one hand, a candle in the other

while people walk past white fences and well-kept lawns to meet their lover, yjh is on a trail of dried leaves covering an uneven pavement while rows and rows of stones surround him from both sides

there he stops at a small statue of an angel, watching over the place where his lover slept

his eyes trace up the ivy that clung unto it, its length a mark of its own for the years it had been since his slumber

yjh kneels down to light the candle he places in front of the stone, the wick thicker this time

'ghosts need warmth too!' was what the pouting squid had told him

yjh smiles at the memory, he had lost count of the times he was still able to reach out and pinch those cheeks

a hushed whisper of the wind leaves a cold kiss on his cheek and yjh closes his eyes as he felt arms slowly wrap around him

the presence behind him emits an icy chill yet it did not bother yjh one bit

"hello, my hyukie"

his lover is finally here

[astersoul]

Kdj was starving.

His meal was mere steps away from him, but he couldn't. This was not prepared for him. Someone unworthy has already claimed this one.

But he was starving. He could feel his insides threatening to claw their way out of him the next second he chooses to remain stubborn to give in.

Let us eat. Let us eat- came the haunting voices from deep under, and kdj shivered as he felt their breaths scrape at his skin.

“Kim Dokja.”

Now, this was what made kdj's whole body tremble.

How could he even let someone else leave their lowly mark on such a perfect creation? This meal's voice felt like dripping sin, a rushing deep river of a sweetness he could have had for himself if not for the ‘morals' he has upheld.

Morals, my ass.

Those who desperately longed to satiate more of their desires had not been designed for such a foolish concept. There was no such thing in their world.

But kdj was not from there, was he now? He has not completely signed himself off. He has not been the one to adhere to so-called rules that have not even been officially written. He wouldn't even follow them if they were.

“Kim Dokja?”

This meal made a fool out of them with just his beauty. His perfect strides as he came closer, and that most ever enticing scent. Kdj could already taste him in his lips. He could feel his sanity, his moral ground (if that still exists) turn into fucking dust as it easily slips away from him.

“Hmm, Joonghyuk-ah? Is there something you'd like to talk about?” His words flowed out like a song to lure in its chosen prey.

There was a glint in the other's eyes, one that kdj could feel even if his eyes had been shut tight. One that he would immediately recognize no matter how much the beholder would attempt to hide it.

Ah.

Turned out he wasn't the only one craving for something to devour.

[astersoul]

idolja brainrot where kdj is fond of wearing custom rings that fansites would take closeups of his hands to admire the design of each new set, and to swoon over the fact that kdj's ring finger is always left empty

there was a time when a group of new fans weren't aware of this detail that they accidentally prepared a birthday gift of five beautiful letter rings that spelt out kdj's given name

in a panic, they sent a note along with their gift saying "please wear these on your right hand!! (；ω；｀*)" that kdj had a good laugh before trying the new rings out and posting it online, thanking the fans while teasing them that he read their instructions well

jewelry brands who wish to have their designs worn by kdj took note of this incident and would ensure that he is given only four for his left, and five for his right

so imagine the uproar when news of kdj being the new ambassador of a brand famous for their WEDDING RINGS started to spread

a teaser from the said brand soon came out which left fans in panic when it turned out to be a closeup of a really familiar hand wearing only a single ring...

how do i make this joongdok? yjh is the ceo for that brand and has been in a secret relationship with kdj even before his debut !! let's say this recent teaser is their way of announcing to the world of their engagement hehe

[astersoul]

"Joonghyuk-ah"

the simple call of his name makes yjh stop and immediately turn his head, only to be stunned by the person catching up to him

a beauty beyond one's imagination- eyes hold fragments of the brightest star, hair a dark wave of the night, and skin a striking pale semblance of the ghost in his dreams

he is given a smile so familiar he silently wishes it won't leave such a haunting image

the person stops a few steps from him and he takes in a breath as their eyes met

the only difference is that this living ghost was a girl, and he could not let go of the dreading thought that this is not how it's supposed to be

- an au where kdj in his past life desperately wished to be a girl in his next one so his unrequited love for yjh would finally be returned,,, not knowing he has always been loved by him

[astersoul]

when suguru left, neither satoru nor shoko talked about what had happened let alone mention his name

classes went on as if yaga had only two students from the start, tho there was one morning when he couldn’t take the uncomfortable weight of the silence and he suddenly muttered something about suguru while shaking his head- both his students said nothing then, but shoko saw how gojo's fingers silently curl around the corner of his paper

days dragged by, and both students took on their respective missions while occasionally being paired together.

neither of them brought up the empty space between them at the back of the car, yet they never moved even an inch towards it as if there was still someone sitting there. instead, they'd turn their heads to look out the window or pretend to be asleep throughout the whole ride

the elders might think these two were both handling the matter well, but it was evident to the other students how much it was taking them to hold everything together and not burst out...

yet not one of them would bring up how satoru would quietly take out suguru's bike and wipe every part of it, not one of them would point out how he'd thoroughly clean the tires even though he had never ridden it himself nor had he planned to do so in the future

not one of them would mention how they'd often see shoko standing in front of suguru's room while holding a bag of snacks, not one of them would speak about how she'd silently wipe her cheek before heading back to her own room

while they had taken notice of such 'routines', they had also been the same with nanami

not one of them would ask him why he'd sometimes walk alone yet suddenly turn his head as if a cheery voice had called out to him, not one of them would mention why he'd bought two drinks from the machine instead of just one

after all, they were just kids...and each had learned to grieve on their own

[astersoul]

a morning where suguru wakes and he's not able to move bc for some reason there's a leg intertwined with his, a heavy arm over his chest, a sweet scent, someone's hair tickling his cheek, a snore- two snores??? coming from both sides,

then the realization slowly hitting that at some point last night, two idiots took for themselves the remaining space on his bed (his pillow too), one of them kicking the blanket off in their sleep, and the fact that he cant bring himself to complain bc for the first time in a long while he didnt despise waking up

that despite his confusion with this situation, he's filled with warmth- a morning where his mind is at peace rather than being consumed by something else, he finds it easier to breathe, he finds his room a brighter shade rather than those of looming greys, he's safe, he's warm, he's home,

this is home

-

a world where gojo and shoko were able to notice something's wrong, only that they're not exactly good with words so they end up doing what they can for geto,,idkk but a spontaneous sleepover seems nice :((((

[astersoul]

suguru secretly writes about satoru.

he writes about his eyes, those vast blue skies hidden behind his dark glasses, and how he notes that shade of blue as one he has never seen before, and one that he finds a deep liking to

he writes about satoru's messy hair, and how he keeps having the urge to brush those strands away from his eyes, he describes how incredibly soft they were when he finally gave in

he writes about satoru's laugh, the genuine one, the one especially reserved for when they're alone, when they're simply suguru and satoru- two souls who spoke to each other, two souls bare and intertwined

he writes in between lines of his notes, in small papers he safely tuck in books, the words filling his mind, and clouding his thoughts with satoru,

satoru,

satoru- the first word he has written that afternoon when purple met the brightest blue

[astersoul]

a joongdok au where kdj is convinced he's being haunted by a handsome ghost so he invites hsy to a ghost hunt

hsy visits him one day to check the authenticity of this claim all the while being certain herself that this was indeed likely to happen in such an absurdly massive manor inherited from a distant relative her dear friend was only made aware of having a few months ago

the will had appeared in his mail in a really fancy scented envelope that the both of them immediately thought it had been misplaced, but the fact that there was no one else that had been blessed by the same name as kdj- he later finds himself moving into the manor right away

hsy turns down the offer of living there for the nth time, as she is met by her friend by the door along with a long row of servants to greet her

the carriage takes almost two days for them to reach the property from the common town that she is striken by exhaustion and her impatience to tolerate such a travel for her to consider welcoming that as her new life

however, the manor still never fails to amaze her every time she visits. the creative mind behind it was clearly aiming for a beautiful proportion of a masterpiece that every room, every corner, and every hall carefully forms a flawless symmetry

this intricate design soon clashed with the ambition and excessive wealth of the previous owner as these symmetrical rooms had been connected to the chaotic extensions of the manor

the owner, as stated in his will, had been so bored with his ridiculous amount of money that he decided to add more rooms, more winding halls, and more secret passages that the manor became even more of a labyrinth than one to live in

"so where's this handsome ghost of yours?" hsy asks without looking away from the collection of what looked like eggs- huge ones, probably taller than her- painted in gold and littered with shimmering stones (oh constellations, it hurts to understand the rich)

"he only appears at night, he's been haunting one of the extensions of this manor"

"uh-huh, and how exactly did you find him?"

kdj recalls that fateful night as if describing a scene from his favorite novels while hsy works with the image of him taking a midnight walk alone through this labyrinth of unnecessary display of wealth then stumbling upon a secret door in their greenhouse and finding himself in a room completely different to the symmetrical madness of the manor

"it's like stepping into an entirely different world, sooyoung! much more different than all this!! you'll see"

hsy has lost count of the number of rooms and halls they passed through that she no longer wants to waste her breath asking how many more until they finally reach the place where the ghost is haunting

instead, she finds herself getting lost in kdj's most enthusiastic description of the portrait he's found of the said handsome ghost

"-and his BROWS sooyoung-ah, it's like they're drawn by a single uninterrupted stroke of a famed artist's brush"

hsy lets out a low whistle at that specific line and at the magnificent sight of camellias in perfect bloom

they are now in a moonlit greenhouse kdj introduced as the source of their family tea business which, according to the will, is now to be ran by kdj himself who so happens to have read numerous books on teas and business management so now they've expanded into larger regions all the while beating the record of their family's long-time rival

hsy silently praises her friend for immediately being able to adjust to such a life despite it being eons of what his previous situation had been

right through this hauntingly beautiful wonderland, kdj leads her to a door that definitely felt like a portal to an 'entirely different world'

the georgian symmetry of kdj's manor feels so underwhelming now seeing a room with a high painted ceiling (how on earth-), and walls adorned with golden swirls connecting different shapes of leaves, birds, and flowers that hsy is curious to see it under the light if only the chandeliers are lit

while hsy's eyes followed the expensive collection displayed back at the parlor, this room feels like one majestic artifact itself that she cannot take her eyes off the movement of the swirls on the wall to the carefully placed furnitures on the floor to the intriguing ornaments on top of them

"kim dokja, are you for certain this is still part of your house?"

"ive been asking myself the same thing," kdj says as he lets hsy marvel at the details of the room "clearly, this is a huge change of style from the initial blueprint- but i never met the previous owner in person so perhaps this room was a change of heart?"

hsy considers this then shrugs, "damn, it really hurts to understand the rich. this too might be another one of his ridiculous ways of flaunting his wealth"

they both proceed to a long windowless hall with different portraits of men in fancy tight pants and women with the same pearled necks

"is this the portrait?" hsy starts, disrupting the eerie rhythm of their steps on the marble floor and the fact that she's been having eye contact with each portrait they pass by

she ignores the shudder that comes as the thought of these portraits looking back passes her

"no" kdj answers after a moment

"is thiiis the portrait?" hsy continues while pointing at an old man who seems to have lived a hundred years when his portrait was done

"no"

"is thiiiiis the portrait?"

"sooyoung-ah"

kdj stops. hsy follows

"you've been quiet for a while now," hsy takes note of his expression, "what, are you scared to meet your ghost?"

"...not exactly."

"then what's on your mind?"

with a sigh, kdj reveals a small tired smile

"do you think it's possible that im losing my mind, sooyoung-ah?"

that is not what she's expecting

but they've been laughing at the insanity of this whole situation for months now that she should've prepared herself more for something like this to happen soon

"well, i don't think losing one's mind from an overwhelming wealth can be genetic, dokja-ya," hsy quietly takes a deep breath, cursing this ignorant fool of a relative kdj had. they're lucky he's been doing amazingly well these past few months, if kdj does lose his mind someday, they would be the one to blame, including this ghost of his.

"what i do think is that ghost of yours deserve some beating for making you think of such things"

kdj immediately turns to her, waving his hands "ah no no, he's not at fault here."

hsy raises a brow at him. how /handsome/ is this man for her friend to react like this?

"you do know you're defending a dead person here, right?"

kdj considers this for a moment, then sighs in defeat

"let's just go see him…"

-

it turns out kdj's description were all on point that hsy felt an instant chill and an immediate understanding the moment her eyes landed on the huge portrait of the handsome ghost

the young man has a stern look on his face, one that annoys hsy the longer she stares at it, yet she cannot deny the fact that this person's beauty is indeed a rarity. the kind that only exists within the pages of a romance novel- the kind that belongs to a protagonist.

everything in this man perfectly fits kdj's preference

"i think the constellations are playing with your fate" hsy remarks after a moment of considering a consultation with a rumored witch. maybe she can help her bring back this man to life or something just so her friend would no longer feel miserable in this manor

"tell me about it" kdj replies as he stands next to her, his eyes never leaving the flawless strokes on the young man's face

"ive been looking for books or records that might tell him who he is but there's nothing"

"im most certain he's not related to you, i can assure you that" hsy snickers

kdj only rolls his eyes, yet agrees with the statement. he's scanned through books of their family lineage yet not one of them had been graced with these handsome features. not even the oldest servant here has a recollection of serving such a person

hsy lets out a gasp, as if an epiphany has occurred to her "do you think your relative had been obsessed with anything beautiful that they acquired this portrait of someone they probably weren't even acquainted with?"

"that's a bit… that's insane."

"it's a possibility to consider"

another silent staring session at the portrait, and hsy takes it as her cue to open her mouth again

"how do you think this poor fellow die-"

"who died?" a deep unfamiliar voice interrupts them and the duo immediately turns to see the ghost from the portrait standing there, breathing, his arms crossed, definitely breathing, his tall figure looming over them, BREATHING-

"OH SHIT" hsy screams as she throws her fist at the ghost's face

[astersoul]

a joongdok ghost au where they only get to meet on the last night of october

yjh is on his finest suit, his hair styled for once, his best perfume settling nicely on his collar

a lovely bouquet in one hand, a candle in the other

while people walk past white fences and well-kept lawns to meet their lover, yjh is on a trail of dried leaves covering an uneven pavement while rows and rows of stones surround him from both sides

there he stops at a small statue of an angel, watching over the place where his lover slept

his eyes trace up the ivy that clung unto it, its length a mark of its own for the years it had been since his slumber

yjh kneels down to light the candle he places in front of the stone, the wick thicker this time

'ghosts need warmth too!' was what the pouting squid had told him

yjh smiles at the memory, he had lost count of the times he was still able to reach out and pinch those cheeks

a hushed whisper of the wind leaves a cold kiss on his cheek and yjh closes his eyes as he felt arms slowly wrap around him

the presence behind him emits an icy chill yet it did not bother yjh one bit

"hello, my hyukie"

his lover is finally here

[astersoul]

a joongdokplot au where

amidst the golden chandeliers, the screaming throats of social rats, the pools of blood on the floor, a reunion of two lost souls had taken place

the man in white, bathed himself in deep red that it became a perfect contrast to his ghostly skin

the other, dressed in a fine suit of black, furrowed his brows at the man who had just stabbed him, his eyes were soulless as he stared back at him

"Why are you doing this, Kim Dokja?"

"You already know the answer." kdj gritted his teeth. "What else have I been doing since we've known each other?"

"All this.... to find him? What does my family have to do with the one you claim as your companion?"

"Family." there was venom in his tone, and a glint of something ominous in his dark eyes. "Your beloved family had records of a man who so happened to share your face, dragged and hidden in one of the cells of your basement. One I believe you're fully aware of."

the man simply watched as kdj leaned closer towards him, his dark eyes now filled with rage

"Your family," kdj continued as the hall turned into complete chaos, "known for your ruthless experiments, your cravings for torture and pain fulfilled in the guise of an approved research. All this madness for just one perfect vessel-"

the threat of a sharp blade ripped its way again against the fabric of his suit, yet the man's focus drifted to how much intel the other had acquired on them

"Who fed you such lies?"

kdj's eyes narrowed at his question

"Stop this foolish act, and release him, Plotter."

with an audible tsk turned into a knowing grin, it was clear that the plotter was enjoying this

"And here I thought you were enjoying the drama, my star," he whispered as he snaked his arm around the other's waist

"Where. Is. He."

the plotter simply breathed in the intoxicating scent of the man before him. it appeared that the dagger was not the only weapon he prepared.

"You're already looking at him."

with a swipe of his tongue, he relished in the poison that was on kdj's lips before the other could process his confirmation of what he had been suspecting.

yjh, his companion, had been successfully turned into a vessel for the plotter's wretched soul- a fact that kdj had been too stubborn to accept, yet the poison hinted at a part of him that prepared for this outcome. an outcome he so desperately wished for it to simply be a ridiculous thought...

his beloved was no more.

while the kiss satisfied the twisted desire of the plotter for the other, this had been a parting gift from kdj for the companion he had lost

although there was no need for such a gift, as kdj would join him soon

the sound of the blade hitting the tiled floor was the last thing he heard before the claws of death reached both their hearts