asteriatr

[asteriatr]

You could never love me the way I want to be loved. I’m just defending you and getting disappointed over and over again. Have you ever gone out of your way to do something for me? Do you even love me? I guess I’ll find out soon.

[asteriatr]

You asked me why I was crying, I said I don’t know. I told myself to let our days be peaceful and gentle, which means I shouldn’t pour my whole heart in. But I caught myself in a sudden glimpse of my fear. I started to feel anxious, “what if my future doesn’t have you? What if 10 years from now, you’re just another memory?” And now I’m crying alone at 8am. That’s when I know it’s bad. Maybe you won’t be just another memory, maybe you’ll be the pain in my heart that keeps aching years after years after years. After all, you are my first memories of everything.

[asteriatr]

Có lẽ chúng ta sẽ chẳng bao giờ gặp lại nữa. Thà như vậy hơn là nhìn thấy sự thay đổi trong nhau

"Một ngày nào đó, bạn sẽ nhận ra có vài người bạn sẽ chẳng bao giờ gặp nữa. Hoặc có gặp cũng chẳng còn như xưa."

[asteriatr]

It’s crazy how we went from being each other’s password, daily calls, 28 new texts, saving-up-for-business-and-house partner, and sworn to be bridesmaid, to ignoring each other’s birthday. I think I understand that bit of life changes and people leave. But that hurts.

[asteriatr]

He said I hurt his feelings like mine were never broken first. And yet here I am again, apologizing to thin air. Hoping you’ll emerge once more, but also hoping that you’ll never come back here. You’re not a book, I can’t keep rereading. Thought I was all better till I realized I only stopped crying because we talked again. We should have kept us buried, even if the pain is carved on the cross.

[asteriatr]

“You don’t have to understand life, you just need to live it” - the midnight library

[asteriatr]

I was slowly becoming apathetic. I was worried I lost all my feelings. Seeing people died and still felt nothing. Until this boy showed up in my life and told me how kind and beautiful I am. He subtly laid the seeds of emotions back in my heart, so subtly I didn’t notice. And so that when he left, rains nurtured them blossoming back into life. These complicated emotions and feelings that once were forgotten, the pain that I once grew numb to, flooded back into my eyes. So I then got reminded of how tumultuous life is

[asteriatr]

I met a boy who I was just playing around with at the beginning, but then became my source of happiness. Then I lost him. He said I’m always welcome to talk to him anytime. But I was the one to end up blocking him, because I keep having such an urge to disturb his life. I’m sorry. I miss you baby

[asteriatr]

So I was just curious of what his answer was gonna be for our relationship. Then I got upset. Because I thought he liked me a 7/10 while I liked him a 5/10, turns out he liked me like a 4/10. Why am I even competing in this! What started out as simple fun and curiosity, turned into an irreversible mistake. Again and again these questions keep sneaking into our minds: how long is this gonna be and what’s gonna become of us? I don’t even see ourselves next month, let alone till our birthdays. I hope we just naturally drift apart like all my other friendships, like we just run out of topics and silently agree to stop talking. Quietly, peacefully, without dramas and unanswered questions like we did last time.

[asteriatr]

“Mạch thượng hoa khai, khả hoãn hoãn quy hỉ”

Mong là anh sẽ đến cùng dịu dàng, đừng nồng nhiệt và rầm rộ như vũ bão, em sợ haha.

Kiếp sau vẫn muốn làm một cây cổ thụ. Che chở những ai cần. Không tương tư, không vướng b���n. Người đến người đi tuỳ duyên, không mong cầu, không níu kéo. Ung dung tự tại.

[asteriatr]

Currently kinda regretting my actions about this connections. I only wanted to live in the moment at the time. But now, I’m starting to feel worried about the future, because in nature, I’m an overthinker. And a desperate. In desperation brings hope. Maybe I’ll be sad, more than just a little bit.

[asteriatr]

Em có nghe Thương Ly

Trong giấy ngà thổn thức

Em có nghe rạo rực

Hình ảnh kẻ tình si

Gây bao điều dị nghị

Em có nghe Thương Ly

Ai khiến ai lở dở

Gió cuối đông nức nở

Cuốn phận người bay đi

[asteriatr]

They said “just a reminder, you’re not depressed, you just need some sun, or somebody’s son”

I don’t have somebody’s son, so I need to catch my own sun. ☀️

[asteriatr]

Having sleep aid medication at home is really a mistake. A terrible and dangerous one. I have started taking sleeping medication occasionally recently. At first, it was because I could not sleep, and mom keeps telling me to buy some and use it, so I could sleep in order to go to work. But recently, I found myself taking them to sleep deep and long. And it scared me to realize that I wanted to take higher and higher doses day by day just to sleep deeper and deeper. I wanted to sleep so deep that I’m barely alive, alive just enough to continue breathing, alive just enough to protect my airway. I wanted my brain to shut down completely. This is why I should never have sleep pills at home, because i will misuse them and overuse them. It’s just too dangerous for a depressed person like me.

[asteriatr]

Emotionally unstable again. Already cried 3 times this week and it’s not even my period

[asteriatr]

What happen when a mentally unstable person take care of a physically unstable person? Is that why I have so many conflicts at work?

[asteriatr]

Chẳng mong sau này cùng người gặp lại

Chỉ nguyện cho người một đời bình an.