asparagien - Tumblr blog

[asparagien]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, how the fuck would you even enforce that?

"Oh want to use the bathroom? I'll just need you to produce an egg real quick".

Reddit thread

[asparagien]

me: *showing vacation pics* and this is from where we went t- 

 guy who plays geoguessr for 14 hours a day: I know.

[asparagien]

can we send anon hate to landlords/brokers on listing sites. can we make that a thing

[asparagien]

thinking about how the romans regarded extremely muscular men as weak and effeminate because for whatever reason (demands of labor, eroticism of the flesh) they couldn't neglect their bodies enough to study learned tomes in cultivated leisure. We should bring that back

[asparagien]

Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria is such a weird theory because it's like there's a very obvious explanation for why middle school kids who didn't have dysphoria before might suddenly have dysphoria. Like huh weird I wonder what very obvious and widely known change that could cause kids to suddenly become very uncomfortable in their gender or sexual identity starts in between the ages of 10 and 14. Guess we'll never know. Must be peer pressure to *checks notes* become the only gender minority in your whole school singling you out for harassment by your peers. Couldn't be puberty suddenly giving you new body parts/bodily functions that are wrong for you.

[asparagien]

Meanwhile in France:

[asparagien]

[asparagien]

Car theft is a really big issue in my neighbourhood. Every couple of days, there'll be an announcement in the news about another person whose car has been yoinked by the creeps. It's easy to blame the victim, and doing so helps make us feel better about our own risk of falling prey to the same crime. And so that's what I'm going to do. This is their own fault for having cars that run.

A couple years ago, someone tried to steal the Diplomat I leave parked around the side of the house. I don't think you need me to tell you that it doesn't run. In fact, I have never seen this vehicle running under its own power. It is mostly used to store parts for the other Mopars. I thanked the universe for providing me with some free entertainment. Either this thief is a better mechanic than I am and would get it running, or they might leave some tools behind in frustration after an hour or two of trying to figure out why the choke doesn't work.

What I didn't expect was this: they went back to their car, drove off, then came back with a new battery. A new one! With the stickers still on it and everything. If you are not "into" the shitbox-ownership life, you may not understand the value of a new car battery. That value is approximately one hundred dollars, and in order to get it, you have to go to a store and spend money. Suffice it to say, my starter-battery infrastructure is a marvel of hackjob backyard engineering that would probably get me hired by a solar energy company, if any of them could write an even quarter-assed liability release.

After installing it under the hood, the Diplomat again didn't start, possibly because the 318 had been sawed in half by a self-destructing crankshaft sometime around 1993. It was at this point that my greed took over. Reaching over to my security system, I activated it. It's worth pointing out at this juncture that by "security system" I mean a moat of spilled petrochemicals around my home, and by "activated it," I mean that I dropped the candle I had been using for light into the aforementioned petrochemicals. My big tough thief ran into the night, terrified of a little fire. I stepped right through that fire, retrieved his brand-new battery, and took it inside.

For weeks after that, I wondered if the thief would come back. Maybe he did have big enough balls to sic the cops on me for taking his battery. Perhaps – and this thought excited me very much – he was dumb enough to bring me another battery. Sadly, he never returned, which made me surprisingly maudlin. I had scared off a potential new friend: someone who was willing to spend money to try and fix up a free Diplomat. In an effort to meet my accidental Mopar-pal again, I thought about going into car thievery for myself, but none of my neighbours owned anything interesting.

[asparagien]

Round 3 Match 13

Velvetworm: "slime cannons w TWO dorsal nerve cords to support precision targetting prey. spews slime at them and gooes them up to eat them. then eats the slime to reuse slime for later."

Leaf Slug: "Stinkin’ cute teeny tiny sea creature…that looks like a sheep"

[asparagien]

unhinged little yellow man

[asparagien]

“A Family portrait during the Spanish Flu, 1918″

(via)

[asparagien]

Too shy to say that I really love you…

[asparagien]

(via 5rn715ufq9pa1.jpg (JPEG Image, 750 × 996 pixels))

[asparagien]

Bryan Larsen, study for Triumph of Icarus

[asparagien]

[asparagien]

I love this because like 99% of this kind of paleoart is patriarchal Man the Hunter type fantasies but these guys are just like “fuck it we’re outta here”