asobetteryou - Tumblr blog

[asobetteryou]

Hello again! I’ve disappeared for so long. I have a several posts here during going through a hard time, moving home and starting to work. And now I’m going the second version of this again. I’m starting a new job and finding a new place to stay and most importantly I’m going a heartbreak. I’m in a mix signal relationship with someone who I actually can’t be with. We talk with each other for a while secretly. She’s the only person who makes me happy and I’m so obsessed with her. I miss her almost every second and it’s hurt that she doesn’t feel the same way. I’m not sure now if she used to like me like the way I do. But I’m sure now that she doesn’t. Right now, I’m in the acceptance stage. Trying to accept that I should move on from this, no matter how empty and upset I feel. I don’t how long does it take to get completely over YOU but I think this is the only path I should walk through. I feel like it’s almost impossible because I have liked you for so long, almost three years. Anyway, I still encourage myself to go through this pain, no matter how long it takes, but I believe that the pain will be lesser each day and I can feel the happiness of my own presence again.

So to sum it all up, I will try to post everyday until day 100 to keep this journey in here to be frozen in here so I can walk forward with only myself and leave all this misery behind.

[asobetteryou]

I’m scared. Scared of everything almost. Scared of the world. Scared of people. I wanna overcome my fears by doing everything I’m scared of but in somehow I’m afraid I can’t make it.

[asobetteryou]

The end the of staying here is coming soon and now I don’t know how I feel. Sad, I guess. But I still don’t know what am I sad about?

[asobetteryou]

I know I overthink.

Things are fine, actually.

I hate myself some time.

And I’m tired.

[asobetteryou]

I found myself did something wrong without even knowing but while I was doing I thought I was right and it felt powerful. Afterward I felt bad about it. I shouldn’t talk too much because I mostly don’t know what I’m talking about and I let things I used to absorb, out and they’re mostly bad things. I don’t wanna be a bad person. What I want in this life is simple. I want to die as a good person, which is hard because I have a lot of bad blood. But at least I can die as a person who is always trying. Back to talking problem I should talk really really a little, as less as I can, and it doesn’t have to stress me out, just relax and do it. And remember that is a good thing to do because my guardian angel used to do it too.

[asobetteryou]

I think I found a way to be motivated and productive. That is being active. Set something to do and focus yourself to do it. First it’s really hard but you can do something that is involved with other people so you can’t just give up. At first I helped my friend moving his stuff to a new place and that was me being active and helpful to my friend too. It was a win-win. I helped him and he helped me. And then I wanted to keep being active by arranging my stuff and cooking and especially getting up early. And by being active at some points you will find yourself being motivated and productive.

[asobetteryou]

I’ve never worn a dress in a normal day because I can’t take the criticism or anything that they talk about me. I’m not adaptable because I’m scared of people’s opinions about me but now I’m 25 years old and I want to be braver, I want to face my fear. I’ll wear anything I want to as long as it is appropriate and doesn’t harm anybody. And I really want to try strappy floral dresses. I want to make a collection of things I want to wear.

[asobetteryou]

Hello Tumblr

18:16 Wed, 7 Jul, 2021

I start joining tumblr because I want to post things on the internet to keep them in here and why not in other platforms because I don’t want anyone I know to see it. I just want to keep them as my memories.