asianpoprockstar

[asianpoprockstar]

they have discovered algorithm (durge hasn't posted a while, bhaal temple really needs the revenue) (feel free to leave me ideas for other characters!!)

[asianpoprockstar]

got baldur's gate 3 working on my 3ds

[asianpoprockstar]

THAT one's goin on the list too now!

[asianpoprockstar]

slayer reveal

[asianpoprockstar]

When the netherese orb in your chest ruins your love life for a SECOND time 🤣

[asianpoprockstar]

Pictured: Gale rolling a nat 1 on his insight check

[asianpoprockstar]

do you ever re-read your own wips like 'damn the bitch that wrote this oughta finish it'

[asianpoprockstar]

adhd just makes your really bad at capitalism, unfortunately

[asianpoprockstar]

yeah I feel fine, why? oh, my hand tremors? yeah that's just a thing don't worry. yeahh it's a side effect of the dark arcane power boiling like magma inside my veins at all times. it's fine it makes some things hard to do but I get by yknow.

[asianpoprockstar]

for either way you choose you cannot win

[asianpoprockstar]

Should’ve went for the wizard instead

[asianpoprockstar]

Astarion musings #2

Adding on to a point I made in this post about Astarion planning to turn you when he ascends ever since he learned about the ritual's power...

Just to be clear, I don't think for one second Astarion plans to make you his spawn, not before he ascends. As power hungry as he is, that hunger comes from fear of being a pawn in someone else's chess game and needing to become king to keep from getting so easily kocked off the board. But he doesn't see you as a player looking to use him for your own gains. In fact, as stated by Durge's funky little butler, you're the only person in the world he isn't afraid of. But I believe he is afraid of losing you, in more ways than one, and so he plans to stop that from happening. And while his #1 goal is to ascend for his own sake, we know that he cares deeply about your safety too.

"I'm also worried about me, But somehow, I seem to be worried about you more." (He says this to Durge btw)

As manipulative as he is in Act 3, driven by proximity to Cazador and prospective freedom I assume, I think he fully intends to share his ascendant powers with you as equals so you can take on the world together. Forever. (Because forever sounds nice in the moment, but in 1000 years? We all know he hasn't thought that far ahead). This is before he knows the true cost, of course. When there's enough gaps in knowledge of the ritual to fill them in with fantasies.

You won't be a spawn, it will be different, you'll see it clearly when the time comes.

And even if we ignore his fear about losing the one thing that's brought him comfort in 200 years, there's also the fact he is the most insecure about not sleeping with you. About having nothing to offer other than "New burdens to carry". So what could be a better prospect than providing your lover with eternity and unfathomable new powers? Which is why I actually love that we have to persuade him not to ascend. He doesn't believe he is enough, but even with this new potential right there in his grasp, you tell him the same thing you always have:

That he is and always has been.

It's so important to portray how different life can be just by having the right people around to show you a new way. He's drowning in shame, fear, the potential of power. But you can be the hand reaching down to pull him back toward the surface to take his first breath of true freedom. It's also why I love that he doesn't drink from Cazador to become a true vampire (assuming he doesn't need Cazador's permission). Because it shows he's ready to accept who he is and isn't striving to be anything more.

Because of all this, more than anything ascended Astarion just makes me sad. I mean, I enjoy digging into the darkness of it. The potential of that storyline is so juicy and I love a monstrous vampire. But my fragile little human emotions get hurt when I see it. Ascension is a twisted wish. That desire to share power to keep a loved one safe becomes covetous. He could share it with you, but why create a competitor? While spawn and ascendant both fear losing you, spawn fears losing someone he loves, someone he's learning to live again with. Ascendant fears losing you because he's on a winning streak, it would sting his pride terribly if you were to leave. He didn't learn anything, he's still afraid. And while you're the only one he can trust, it's not unwavering. You'll belong to him or you're not worth the risk. Ascended Astarion literally says, if you refuse to become his spawn and break up with him, that you didn't become part of his conquest. As if you're something to beat into submission, subdue and take ownership of.

And I know ascended Astarion isn't some stranger who wears Astarion's face. He's what happens when you stop trying to be better, to be more than the hurt and the terrible things that happened to you. It's accepting the world view that's been beaten into you: that power is freedom, and freedom is doing whatever the hell you want without fear or consequence. And if you're not strong enough to take that power for yourself? Well, then perhaps you deserve to suffer, darling. It's a far easier way to cope with trauma than the alternative, to try and claw back any semblance of the world view that was beaten out of you, or create a new one for yourself. It's a path I've walked, am still walking, and I stumble all the time.

And as a side note, in regards to what Neil said about spawn wearing a mask... We all do. Sometimes it's to project who we want to be, or who we're trying our hardest to be. Sometimes it's to hide how bitter and wounded we feel. But better to wear a mask and try, to work towards a day when you won't need it anymore, then to throw it away because you've given into your worst self and the world can kneel or rot.

So yeah... I think Astarion always intended to turn you. But not always in the worst way. First it was out of love, then out of possession. But both times out of fear.

[asianpoprockstar]

There's just something about how Astarion goes from thinking of himself as someone with only one talent, that he has nothing else to offer you and, inevitably, you'll find someone better and leave.

To someone who with his whole chest, heart and soul declares out loud without any hint of doubt that of course you like him simply for who he is, why is that so hard to believe?

There's just something about Astarion's personal quest having nothing to do with the main story line. How willingly walking into a vampire den to free him takes precious time away from what you actually came to the city to do. But you care enough to do it anyway.

And then he holds the power of 7000 souls in his hands, a power he's said he will share with you, something else he finally has to offer and would be proud to give you. But instead you remind him again he has plenty to offer without it, and in that moment he knows you truly didn't bring him here out of desire for his power but for his freedom. And maybe that's the last piece that falls into place which finally makes him believe you when you say he is enough.

But I dunno.

[asianpoprockstar]

There's just something about how Astarion goes from thinking of himself as someone with only one talent, that he has nothing else to offer you and, inevitably, you'll find someone better and leave.

To someone who with his whole chest, heart and soul declares out loud without any hint of doubt that of course you like him simply for who he is, why is that so hard to believe?

There's just something about Astarion's personal quest having nothing to do with the main story line. How willingly walking into a vampire den to free him takes precious time away from what you actually came to the city to do. But you care enough to do it anyway.

And then he holds the power of 7000 souls in his hands, a power he's said he will share with you, something else he finally has to offer and would be proud to give you. But instead you remind him again he has plenty to offer without it, and in that moment he knows you truly didn't bring him here out of desire for his power but for his freedom. And maybe that's the last piece that falls into place which finally makes him believe you when you say he is enough.

But I dunno.

[asianpoprockstar]

Beast of the past

[asianpoprockstar]

Bang Chan ✧ Skz Code 46

[asianpoprockstar]

Bang Chan ✧ Gods menu Ending Fairy