ashlinnjarnheim

[ashlinnjarnheim]

[ashlinnjarnheim]

[ashlinnjarnheim]

online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

[ashlinnjarnheim]

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

[ashlinnjarnheim]

[ashlinnjarnheim]

-despite everything, there is still love

@arthoesunshine/ @artsheila/ @daisies-on-a-cup/ @gayarsonist / @hjarta/ @yunawinter on twitter/ @bakwaaas/ @death-born-aphrodite/ anon on gentleearth/ @classicnymph on twitter

[ashlinnjarnheim]

reblog and put in the tags how you came up with or got your url

[ashlinnjarnheim]

you! the person reading this! please tell me one good thing that happened to you today

[ashlinnjarnheim]

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

[ashlinnjarnheim]

claim your swiftie medal here if you first heard cruel summer on august 23rd 2019

[ashlinnjarnheim]

[ashlinnjarnheim]

[ashlinnjarnheim]

‘CAUSE I’M A REAL TOUGH KID I CAN HANDLE MY SHIT THEY SAID BABE YOU GOTTA FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT AND I DID LIGHTS CAMERA BITCH SMILE EVEN WHEN YOU WANNA DIE

[ashlinnjarnheim]

i think this album is a lot more abstract than we're used to with taylor, who is usually pretty direct, but people are still interpreting some of these lyrics extremely literally to infer factual real life events. sometimes lyrics just rhyme. sometimes imagery is used to invoke a feeling rather than make a legally binding statement. its ok to not know everything that happened to her for these songs to be, its more important to know whats happening with YOU as you listen to them.

[ashlinnjarnheim]

[ashlinnjarnheim]

Taylor doesn't need to do any promo to be successful, but I do think it's also fair for fans to be disappointed or bored that she chooses to do literally nothing these days promote a new album. For me we have just kinda lost the fan connection with her completely that used to be so damn special. We're also all older, so it doesn't matter as much. But there's something sad about it. I'll always be here, always be so excited no matter what, but I do miss how things used to be sometimes.

[ashlinnjarnheim]

thinking often about how things went downhill and I never expected it to go this badly. about how love only changes but I wish it had disappeared because, whatever this is, it isn't something you do to people you love. about how I miss you and I hate myself for missing you because ever since everything happened, you've done nothing but your best to see me break down. does this make you feel better? I spent months calculating my every step because hurting you was the last thing I wanted—because even if I couldn't hold you with me in the way you wished me to, I still didn't want to lose you. because I cared so much, and I still do, but now all that's left is a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. you act like nothing much has happened and you pretend you're fine and yet you're the one people feel sympathy for. your life has been moving forward since before we decided to end things and mine has been crumbling down all around me. did I really deserve this? you let me eat, breathe, sleep guilt, and all the time you fed me lies. I trusted you and you went and you told my secrets to people who do not know me. I trusted you more than anyone and you didn't wait a single second to go and break that trust and break my heart just because you felt entitled to it. you didn't wait to go and toy with my deepest insecurities, things you've known about for ages. your knife went straight into my chest and then as the grand finale you keep choosing to pour salt into the wound. and instead of crawling away I stay because I can't bear to leave it all behind and forget you. and yeah, maybe I'm a hypocrite. maybe I did take you for granted and maybe I led you on because I see no other reason for this pain to be taking up everything inside me, unless I do deserve this. god, to think I could've tried to be happy for you. I could've been supportive. instead I get infinite sadness and bitterness and unimaginable pain. I wish this could all stop because I can't take it anymore. I don't have it in me. I wish I'd made different choices and even though I don't regret you I don't know how to move past this either. nothing has ever cut me this deep.