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MY prk eye surgery experience ,,

Reading all of the experiences that people posted on social media had helped me A LOT that’s why I decided to share mine and be part of this :D

So, 16th of May was the date of my surgery, 😖 I have never thought that I would ever choose to do it but I hated my glasses, my eye prescription wasn’t that bad though it was -1 in both eyes since TAWJIHI and 0,5 astigmatism, I can drive without them but the only complain was that I get a headache when I take them off, so I thought about it, I had to pray a lot (A LOT) and read around 50 experiences on the internet, whomever knows me know that I don’t like any unnecessary procedures on the human body except if what they have is fatal. After my prayings I was feeling ok about doing it. 

**Start using tear drops before the surgery (It will help).

Day 1 surgery, I was really nervous I thought about going home 2 minutes before the surgery and the doctor’s attitude didn’t really help 😤 but thankfully I went through the benefit/risk ratio again and I just had to do it ( The risks are: you might have permanent dry eyes (most likely with LASIK not PRK),  problems with night vision which scared me a lot actually and myopia regression 10 years after mostly or maybe less). The procedure is very quick around 4 minutes and DONE 😄 tell the doctor to wait a minute after he puts the anesthetic drop cause my doctor started immediately and I felt the dam* brush, not that pain though DO NOT WORRY. my sensitive eyes started tearing immediately hahha it was flowing non-stop for the whole day, the pain was like ( when you’re in a dark room and suddenly go out to the sun so you just clench your eyes 😖 but that feeling would be continuously and tolerable, you won’t be able to open your eyes though, sleeping would help, I saved some audio books but I didn’t feel like I wanna listen to anything.  

**Stay in a dark room IT HELPS A LOT A LOT A LOT, completely dark.

The drops were 3: FML steroid; helps in healing(3 TIMES a day), Oflox; antibiotic to prevent nasty infections (every 2 hours), and of course artificial tear drops  WITH NO preservatives (every hour) Artelac or Refresh plus. if you don’t want to feel the pain at all you can get numbing drops but it will delay the process of healing. 

Day 2, The eye sensitivity for light is a major issue so stay in a dark room, the pain is different it comes and goes it’s like burning, your eyes very irritated but less swelling and tearing basically no tears left to cry hahah I had a sever pain attack that night but thankfully gone after I slept. you can endure all of this do not worry.

**Keep eating and drinking water to help speeding up the healing. 

**Wear eye shields while sleeping so you won’t scrub your eyes and the new growing cells or the protective lens, I kept sleeping with them for 5 days I guess.

** don’t let your eyes touch the water for two weeks, if it happened just drop oflox right after and shower carefully.

** You can’t scrub your eyes for almost two weeks but I made it three weeks.

**  NO MOBILES AND LAPTOPS or TV for at least a week but i made it 10 days and it is better for one month.

** I changed the font size or screen size of my devices: mobile or laptop cause you’re gonna have some troubles in focusing and reading, so make sure to do that plus removing your passwords maybe hahha.

**Stay in a dark room for almost 4 days or 6 is better your eyes will tell you when to get out ahah.

** you can’t read and I will talk about it.. **No swimming for at least one month 😢 because of infections.

** no make up for one week and after a week careful with scrubbing your eyes while cleaning (it is your eyes and as careful as you can be as quickly as you can see haha perfectly).

**No exercise for one week but I made it 2; sweat might get into your eyes and relaxing would help your body concentrate on your eyes healing.

** Lool this was really an issue to most of people and me,  you actually can See after the surgery, first when you get out of the surgery you pretty much will have 6/6 eye sight but you won’t be able to open your eyes to enjoy it when the anesthetic effect is gone HAHA and when the days are passing it will get worse because of the random growing cells and the regeneration of a new layer (this is completely normal and might extend to 4 or 6 months rarely to 1 year) but you have to be patient.  right and left eyes will have a race so you would notice one is better than the other and it is totally normal 

Day 3, PAIN FREE 🤩 (It is different from one person to another but if you be careful you will help yourself and will speed up everything) so stay in a dark room doing NOTHING. My eyes were sensitive to light very, I could open them but they get really tired.

Day 4, ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, no pain no sensitivity, I got outside the dark room but not for so long cause your eyes seem to get easily tired. still no mobile or any screens, I used my sunglasses inside the house when I get out of the room.

Day 5, started to notice some dryness, keep using the drops more frequently! do not forget it! Very Important. my eyes vision btw was better but still not perfect, Your cornea  helps with focusing so you will notice the terrible ability to focus whether the near objects like looking in the mirror and reading or the far objects. this is normal :) 

Day 6, (follow up date 1) not really different same same, eye sight is getting better day after day but might get worse sometimes for some reason haha do not tire or stress your eyes. and YEP I got the lens out ( they put a lens to protect the new tissue after the surgery, if you didn’t hydrate your eyes well it might hurt and causes problems but I was really careful, doctor might tell you: not to wake up while sleeping for eye drops, but lol you can’t really sleep more than two hours continuously the first days, psychologically you will keep waking up and going back to sleep, that’s good cause a lot lost the lens because of dehydration while sleeping and it is very very painful so HYDRATION. and I stopped the oflox (but use it if something got into your eyes or water for the next 4 days or so) plus start driving again 💪🏼🚘

Day 7, skip it cause all the same, used my mobile for a very very short time to be honest. and wore a sunglasses because my dear home has a lot of lights it’s like a concert here haha, slowly going back to normal activity reading and yoga 😍 but I didn’t exercise until the end of the second week I guess.

 Day 10, Vision was wohoooo such a great progress but noticed my right eye is better in seeing the far than the left (hydration is very very important these days)

Day 28, I had a follow up date with the doctor i saw all the signs on the board so 6/6 :D kept using eye tear drops as long as I can , FML once daily until I finish the bottle.

Nothing much to say now it’s been a month and 19 days here is some general talk , -Your eyes will lead you to when to start reading or looking at screens, it is important to not force them, do not stress them, if they get tired stop what you’re doing and keep blinking or close eyes when you concentrate a lot.

-Hydration is the most important thing I don’t feel the dryness but I still use them cause for at least 3 months your eyes is still working on the regeneration of the cell layer.

-Be patient be very patient, we have different bodies and different experiences but give your eyes time to heal. heard a lot about people reaching their perfect vision not before the 4th month so,,

I can see 6/6 with no complications الحمد لله  thank god and I do not regret it. 😊

I’ll be talking about the different corrective eye surgeries in the next article. 

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Dear grandma, I got tired of saying I miss you so let’s just skip it, one of your wills was for the family to gather more in your house, and that happened my darling, we gather every now and then and I come every time! so I won’t regret it like I regret every minute I missed seeing you.

each gathering my grandpa cries, he doesn’t handle it Teta, he’s the strongest man I have ever heard or know about but yet he can’t control it, his eyes his face and his way of talking, remember dear Teta when you were always yelling at him to stop talking and complaining while we’re eating, he never listened, but now he’s so silent you can barley get a word or two out of his mouth, and I am worried about him but I know that I can’t change it, he doesn’t stay at home so much, he keeps going out and i guess he doesn’t want ot picture you in every corner at the house, that much! even though I’m mad cause he never listened to me when I say stop smocking, less smocking, smock outside, but I can’t hate him, cause even you when you knew that the symptoms you’re complaining about was caused by smocking, you didn’t hate him not for a second, how can I still be mad from the only person that you loved so much Teta,

I don’t cry anymore, it is like my tears has dried or I am so tired of knowing that it won’t change a thing, but I knew it since I was young; you were so special to me and to many people, I knew since I was young that if you died before me I am gonna get the saddest moments of my life, and that black cloud in my head that will keep showing up for the rest of my life.

I’ll pray for you my beautiful soul, the only thing that might help you or reach you.

اللهم ارحمها و اغفر لها و انر قبرها و آنس وحدتها، اللهم اجزها بلاحسان احسانا و بلاساءة عفوا و غفرانا، اللهم اجعل قبرها روضه من رياض الجنه يا الله و ارحمها يا ارحم الرحمين هي و جدي و جميع اموات المسلمين يا رب.

In my heart living forever dear grandma <3  

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Was it you?!

I came that day to check up on grandpa, my little cousin yelled about a lemon that has fallen down from the tree, anyway when I was leaving my uncle gave me the lemon talked about how beautiful it is and asked me if I wanted more. 

Was it you Teta? were you saying hi to me? was it you sweet white soul? are you there? do you hear me? it fell of just when I got in, I know it’s silly but I want to believe that it’s you, I don’t believe in ghosts being able to interfere but I want to so bad! I have this thing where I talk to my beloved once that are gone away form my life, I like the feeling of imagining that they are beside me, talking to me and asking me about my worries and then I listen to theirs. 

your house miss you, your trees miss you, the streets, your daughters, your sons, your “60 years” partner, I never saw him this pale, he lost a lot of weight since you’re gone and he never sits home alone, what love is that? a lot of things that I don’t believe in but losing you made me confuse about my beliefs, I miss you! I miss badly I wish I can hear your voice just your voice, talk to me in my dreams. 

God you were my favorite person, everything misses you just everything my beloved sweet soul <3 may god have mercy on you and on all the muslims.

I love you, you’ll always be in my heart.

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  I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don' know what to do Oh brother, I can't believe it's true I'm so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you

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A dream

Today I had a dream about you, finally I met you again, Teta I saw you and it just felt real that in the dream I asked my sister if it’s possible that you can come back to life! and she said: Idk. THey say if you wanna know that demons are not in your dream you can say: “اعوذ بلله من الشيطان الرجيم”  so demons won’t stay but I touched you and you stayed, I was so happy, extremely satisfied but then the first thing I asked you was: are you in pain, still? and you just answered the same way you always did when you were alive, nodding your head and explain that it is normal for old people to not feel ok, I didn’t have the answer that would calm my soul, your pain is what kills me the most, but still I felt like your existence is enough you get up heavily and slowly as if your shoulders have the weight of the world, and you walked away then something happened and i woke up on my mom’s voice, 

Can I just say that I am happy to see you, god I missed you so bad Teta, maybe  people who passed away can respond to us or maybe not; I don’t know but I asked you to come in my dreams even if it was just my subconscious, I thank you, cause I woke up smiling for seeing you.

I don’t know when will I meet you and hug you again, but Teta I wish you were here and maybe it’s selfish but even with your disease I just wish you were here, I just wanna spend time with you, you meant the world to me, you were so special you won’t understand, I love you I love you I love you and I miss you please keep showing up in my dreams, please show up and tell the pain is gone, show up and hug me, show up and tell me how proud you are with me, show up and ask me not to always say no for the ones that come to ask for my hand hahahha (as if I’m that type -_-) haha show up and ask me to eat and wear dresses, show up Teta please show up.

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I miss you and I wish I can tell you

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When I am alone in the dark, a cloud start forming in my mind, my dark memory shows up, I remember everything; every single moment; when she kissed me, when she hugged me, when she held my hand, when she couldn’t sleep, when she wanted to take a normal breath where she won’t feel as if there was a heavy weight in her chest, when she screamed and when I tried to open her mouth to see why isn’t she able to talk. I remember it all, I want to remember the good moments only but my brain implanted these clouds that keep getting back every once and while and I wonder will this pain pass? will I be able to live normally again, will I be able to be alone in the dark not picturing her around me screaming for help. 

Since my graduation, the universe has been showing me that: you think you are there, you made your goals, but there are things that are more important, you forgot about them, since my graduation I haven’t been able to have pure happiness, it all came sequentially, everything and everyone, I’ve been waiting it to stop, thinking can it possibly get any worse! it did, I lost my favorite person, nothing can ease my anger, nothing can relieve my pain, I reached that level! I am there questioning my existence. But I thank god I’m muslim and I believe in god I believe everything happens for a reason and that he hears me. I believe that it will all pass, not completely it will stay in my chest as flames that turn on and off but I will work hard to lighten my chest more with achievements, I will help every kid and give all the power I can to save their lives, every mistake I’ve seen from doctors I promise I will avoid. speaking about it, she once came to the ER in the hospital I work in, cause she had pain and when I met her at the entrance she was mad and then she smiled and said: “يي ما احلاكي بلابكوت دكتوره الله يحميكي” it was the first time she sees me in it :) My sweet lovely grandma you smiled in away ,, AH..

You’ll stay in my heart forever, as you’ve always been <3  ربي ارحمها و اغفر لها و ارها مقعدها من الجنه يا رحمن، ربي انس وحشتها ووحدتها يا رب و جميع موتى المسلمين 

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اللهم ارحم من فارقنا و اصبح القبر دارهم، اللهم آنس وحشتهم، و نور قبورهم، و اغفر ذنوبهم و ارهم مكانهم من الجنة و قل لهم ادخلوا من اي باب تشاؤون يا رحمن يا رحيم امين اللهم صبر ابي و صبرنا يا حبيبي يا الله 🌼

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And there is times that I miss you so much, I just can’t help it. 

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I wish I was dead

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And the world suddenly feels grey

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Dear Grandma, My sweet lovely person, “ اسيل يا حبيبتي خليني احطلك غدا، يا اسيل خليني احطلك عشا، اسيل اسعفيني، ما في زي بنات ابني محمد “ It took you away from me, smoking! and you didn’t even smoke; not once in your life, you hated it all the time, but my grandpa’s smoke in your small lovely room that you used to set in all the time, it grew this thing in your lung slowly spreading all over your body, maybe it did give signs but you’re stubborn, you never wanted to annoy anyone with your complaints, until it ate you and you couldn’t handle it, you were in pain 24 hrs, Teta It kills me when I remember you complaining of the pain, started visiting you less cause I didn’t wanna see the torture, I ran away but I also couldn’t cause I tried every damn way to help you, It’s lung cancer Teta, it ate your lung and it’s from my grandba’s smoking clouds around the house. I couldn’t tell you that. I just couldn’t, my dad was right, you dying with hope is better than setting around waiting death. Teta the memories hurt, it really does, it’s everywhere, I remember when I was too small and you used to make tea with milk and to make it cold you were swinging the cup between the palm of your hands (the voice of your ring when it hits the glass while you do it still in my mind), they said sometimes I was crying and no one could stop it except you, I magically sleep between your arms every single time and sometimes I do have this gift with other kids to make them sleep, Teta I love you so much more than you know, you have this place in my heart that no one else could have, you are a part of my soul, I have your genes I look like you and I have this character that seems like you, so you! You hold my hand before you enter the ct scan room you hold it very tight and started crying, you were so scared and when I asked you later why? you answered that you were scared that we’ll leave you there alone, I‘m sorry grandma I didn’t mean to leave you I didn’t want to leave the morgue( where they kept your body for a while) or your grave. I regret every minute I wasn’t there for you, I regret I didn’t stay with you in the hospital the night you died, you were different and I thought it’s from the morphine, you were dying and I didn’t know! If I did I’d hold your hand all night long, Ah teta! you broke our hearts You were the nicest and the cleanest person the people ever knew! the part that you hated mostly about your sickness is that you couldn’t clean by yourself! and that you couldn’t take care about cooking for grandpa and your son, I know I’m writing details but there is so much I want to say and it’s the only way to “maybe” calm my soul a little, by writing,  I asked you to come in my dreams but maybe you can’t cause I know you’d do anything I asked you to, forgive me my beautiful soul cause I couldn’t relieve your pain earlier, we were waiting for radiotherapy cause maybe it’ll relieve the symptoms, we didn’t know that all of your body has grown these cells, we knew it the day you left us, the report came and we were shocked, your pain was real, you were saying it’s everywhere and we thought that it might be a psychological issue or that maybe the shortness of breath was the cause, but it wasn’t dear! it was literally eating your body God it’s like a nightmare, I just can’t believe that you’re gone, you were sleeping, you were cold but laying there just sleeping right?!  can you hear me now? where are you? what does this mean? where are you Teta? please answer, your smell on your jacket, your smile, everything ,, I always hated smoking, now there is no place to anyone that smokes in my life! never!
I love you Teta, can you hear me? I love you and you will always be in my heart

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God take this weight off my shoulders. God it’s too heavy, It’s just too heavy. I can not take another bad news, God please I love her and it kills me when she’s in pain, She is the only one who could make me go to sleep when I was a crying baby or a naughty child, she loves me and she’s begging me to take the pain away. God I beg you have mercy on her, please relive the pain, god please I can’t take this anymore It’s too heavy.  They say money is everything, but it’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard, Family is everything, health is everything, satisfaction is everything, MONEY IS NOTHING. I pay anything to stop this wave. Do no take her away from us, please god make her feel better, there is nothing impossible, the only truth I know. I am in pain.

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Free Your Mind - Poem by Alise Yewande “It's time to free your mind. Release the shackles and unwind. Bend those bars of your mental prison. Take time out to make that correct decision. On what you want out of life. Are you moving in a direction that is right? Will you be listening to self doubt? Or allowing you inner self to come out? Because we always blame each other, For the problems that we cause. However take a moment, sit down and pause, You will realize something that is true. Your own worst enemy is you. It is you that holds yourself back from your dreams. No matter how hard it seems. You got to believe in yourself. Negative thinking is bad for your health. Show me your company, I tell you who you are.”

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I am never changing who I am

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I am afraid of changing,,

“You think you have to want more than you need until you have it all you won’t be free, society, you’re a crazy breed”  lyrics of one of the songs for “In to the wild” movie, based on a true story of Christopher McCandless, whose story would break anyone’s heart! what he did, what he decided to do, it needed a strong one to dare do that, it needed a crazy one, a one who got enough from this world and it’s ignorance.

Oh. world!

I see a logical reason to avoid people, I find it hard to live with so much difference, how is it possible that we have ninty nine percent the same genes! I still don’t understand it, don’t waste time trying to find someone who would understands you, cause you won’t.

Krakauer, Jon - Into the Wild “I won’t run into anything I can’t deal with on my own.”

My second rule in life is to not need anyone, but maybe we actually do, maybe that’s why Christopher died, but again he might die in a car accident cause of a stupid drunk driver! so yeah, who knows! he did die in a difficult way but maybe if he had the chance to do what he did again he would, the excitement in his written journal when he reached day 100 says it all, he managed to live 113 days without the inventions the humans made, yes they made a lot of inventions but they destroyed a lot of humanity! sadly!

and still I have no idea which is right and which is wrong, I decided to live whatever but in one rule: Me first, I stopped caring whether people would hate me or not, if I didn’t like something that you like then sorry I pick me, and I guess in this world it is the best decision I have made, and it’s the most difficult one to stick to. 

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Doctor day’s diary 2: 

In the hospital hallways where patients and doctors and staff are all busy, all hiding feelings in their eyes, where my brain start staring at each as if they are monalisa(s) walking and I just wanna know what’s going on, I’d like to pause the picture in front of me and start from their eyes.

I believe that physical examination is the most important part in our career, not just to find the mystery but to find a way to relax a patient to let him know that he’s in good hands.

We are humans, a fact that I’d like to clarify, cause most of us don’t understand it, we can be weak, we can do mistakes, we can be sad and we always have something deep there in our chest; we all have that one thing that we couldn’t get and we keep thinking of it, we have to live with it though, some would chose to give up but that won’t change the fact of life: we can not always get what we want, it is a rule. we are not perfect and will never be, look deep in anyone’s eye you can see that they too been crying for something that they miss.

The choice of being happy that is in our hands is to ignore these feelings, cause they are there no matter what, implanted in our brains and expressed as flames in our chests whenever we think of them, children are happy cause they still think that they can have what they want but once you’re an adult you know what will always be missing, you’ll learn how to deal with it, how to ignore it or else you’re living a misery. 

I analyze people, but I never deal with them based on what I see cause I never trust my analyzing even though most of the time they are true, and a major thing that I hate is for people trying to analyze me, maybe that is why I don’t throw all my analyzing at the person who I’m talking to. Haha although I would love that so I would shut those poeple who can’t stop talking and bragging about what they have. 

I won’t forget that patient who was near my age but was on a wheelchair, no neurological problem, IQ normal, just kidney failure that forced her to have a big brain in a small body, her eyes couldn’t hide it, the way she was looking at the girls from her age, Ah,, She was beautiful, I wanted to hug her and just tell her that she is awesome to be able to laugh and live with that kind of life quality, she is stronger than all of us! our silly problems, our stupid feelings for the imaginary luxurious life that we want so bad, the life where everything we want can get, she made me realize that I have it all, I am as perfect as life want me to be and she is perfect too, we all are, just by realizing what we have not what we don’t have! you’ll see that you’re perfect when you realize what life is about  :)