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Hope life is treating everybody good🫶🏻

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Death is not the greatest loss

The greatest loss is what dies inside us, while we're still alive. You didn't even take time to notice the distinct lack of colour. Lives lost to the plague and this rat race. And the only difference. Between yourself and the crazy man who stalks main street. And you found yourself, dead stones and your heart. Can't you see? Death is not the greatest loss. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we're still alive. He found himself on a park bench and you found yourself, at the bottom of a prescription bottle.

Nlaea Shakhabova

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My brain is like scrambled eggs so here is a selfie🤟🏻

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I’m not a failure but I’ve failed. I’m not a mistake but I’ve screwed up. I’m not a disaster but I don’t always get it right. Truth be told, i’ve fallen more times than I can count and I’m okay with that. I learned from each failure. I’ve stumbled, failed and made more mistakes than most people, but then, again i’m not like most people. They haven’t had to claw and scratch to find their way, to survive, just to be kikkk. left because I didn’t have any other options. I surrendered everything that I was to become who I was meant to be.nThe critics don’t know what it means to be at I’m not a failure but I’ve failed. I’m not a ulu but i know screwed up. I’m not a disaster but i don’t always get it right. Truth be told, i’ve fallen more times than i can count and i’m okay with that. I learned from each failure. I’ve stumbled, failed and made more mistakes than most people, but then again, i’m not like most people. They haven’t had to claw and scratch to find their way, to survive, just to be happy. I had to be strong when even when i had nothing left, because i didn’t have any other options. I surrendered everything that i was to become who i was meant to be. The critics don’t know what it means to be at the end of their rope and not know where to turn. But you see, that’s where my story begins, where everyone else’s tale stops. I didn’t just crash and burn, i fell and crashed into a million pieces. I shattered in ways that most can never recover from, but that’s just the beauty of my story. It’s a tale of massive failures and anguishing struggle, it’s a journey of broken hearts and wounded wings. But more than that, my path is a story of triumph amongst the tragedy, rising from the ashes and finding myself when not long before, i couldn’t even find my way. It’s a rekindling of my fire when my spark was almost gone. There were many times i was down and out, so lost in the darkness I couldn’t even see the light. But that’s what makes me who i am and part of my indomitable spirit. I uncovered my strength and unleashed my courage. I clawed my way out of the abyss into the light. I didn’t know how i made it some days, but somehow i always found a way. I don’t need help up and i don’t want a hand out. You can keep your sympathy, i’m gorgeous in all the ways that matter, deep and soulful. I want someone to walk beside me and appreciate everything that went into making me the beautifully broken hearted person that roared back from the fire. Equal, no more and no less. Love me for me and all my splendid chaos and you’ll begin to understands the fire in my heart. I have magic in my spirit and a passion in my heart that nothing can take away from me. So, honey, understand that life may knock me down and i’ll have to fight harder some days, but you can’t keep a strong person down, ever. So, stand with me or stand aside, i have places to go and dreams to catch. Like most wild creatures, i was always meant to be free. These wings, they’re made to soar. Love me the way that i deserve or let me go. You’ll never keep me in a cage when i’m meant to fly high.

•Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

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Selfworth

I used to lose myself in the ones i thought would always be there,

The people that i had hoped would always be loyal and never forsake my love. I’ll always be the kind of person that follows my heart and loves with every sliver of my soul. It’s just how i’m wired. My friends always told me that i’d get hurt and my choices were not the best for me, but i still dove headfirst into love. Somewhere along the way, i started losing who i was as i tried to be what they wanted me to become. Deep down, i knew that i wasn’t really happy living that way, but their joy always outweighed my truths. Time and again, heartache turned into heartbreak and happily ever after fell apart with every failed relationship. I thought it was me, that there was something wrong with me. Something that i was failing at, not doing or worst of all, that i didn’t deserve to be happy. Every broken road and shattered heart added one more wall to my hurting soul. I became more and more guarded as the once hopeful dreams of forever melted away into another faded memory of love gone astray. Somewhere along the way, my broken spirit and wounded soul reached its lowest point and i lost all faith in love, and more importantly, myself. I didn’t think i deserved to be happy. I didn’t believe i was good enough to be loved. I saw myself through the failed vision of people who never saw me for who i was. That’s when i realized that the truth was different than i had come to believe all along. I had always deserved more. It was never my fault they didn’t really deserve me or even understand who I was. I stopped asking what was wrong with me and started realizing what was wrong with them. I know now that i couldn’t make them love me in the way that i deserved. Respectful, deep and passionate love wasn’t ever going to be their way. But that’s what i discovered i needed. I craved the beauty of a real and genuine relationship that fulfilled me with deeper purpose. I stopped letting lesser people win my heart and started remembering who i was and what i deserved. On my terms, in the way that i choose. Respectfully and passionately, without end. I don’t need to be chased, wooed or won. I am starting to love myself now or atleast comfortable with myself, so i don’t need love like i used to think i did. More than anything, on equal terms and with soulful depth, i just want to be loved.

•Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

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You don't tell people you're not ok" she said, "because it's hard Watching them not know what to do. "Then you end up comforting them, even though the one who needed comforting was you.

•Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

Вы не говорите людям, что с вами не все в порядке, — сказала она, — потому что трудно наблюдать, как они не знают, что делать. — Тогда вы в конечном итоге утешаете их, хотя тот, кто нуждался в утешении, был вами.

•Нлаеа Медина Суванто Шахабова

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Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort.

•Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

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Just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined.

•Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

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Intimacy isn't just about sex. It's having heart-to-hearts, staying up all night talking, sharing childhood memories, thoughts, fears, dreams & hopes for the future. It's uncontrollable laughter, direct eye contact and feeling each other without touching - it's exchanging energy.

Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

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This ”good behaviour” be smirking right around the corner. And badly, not in a good way.

•Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova

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I don’t want to adult anymore, infact i don’t even wanna human. I want to goat, so i can eat all day and headbutt anybody in my way!

Nlaea Medina Suvanto Shakhabova