artisnowy

[artisnowy]

to friends, current and old. It's a privilege to know you and to have known and to know you. I've been trying to say it more often but I am filled will immense love whenever I see each of you. I love you, to see your passion, I want to help you in your darkest moments, I want to give you light that I feel that you have shined upon me. I burn your memory into me and take parts of you to complete my puzzle, I shall be forever indented by your marks as I am an ever evolving clay sculptures of everyone I meet and everyone I ever known, like a glistening stain glass murial molded by a group of beautiful people.

Words will never be able to encapsulate how I feel about my friends. it's like a white glistening light that's vaguely ball shaped, there's fire like smoke rippling off of it like a crescendo of emotions. that fire is the same as the light and yet it shows the passion. For all the joys and sorrows shared i want to be able to show all of my friends how I see them through my eyes, and be able to show how much they mean to me without words. I consider sacrificing the world for yall, because you make it worth living in. This ball is gather the light from the ones around me and use it as fuel to burn passion through out, I use this to fuel myself and keep my self going through the hardest parts. I love hearing each of you rant about your intrests. while i may struggle to follow or hear you correctly I do truely love hearing the passion in your voice and your hearts and you say your desires. I appreciate every part of yall and I want you all to know.

And to the friends I no longer have, I wish you the best. We may no longer talk and we may never see eachother again but I truely wish you the best. No matter how insignificant the end was, no matter how messy or terrible that ended up being, I don't wish any of you any bad and want you all the best life. some of you i wish I could talk to again, and some I wish I never see every again, but through the good and the bad I want you to be ok. I've taught myself that sometimes 2 people could be good and not good for eachother, and even if they are bad doesn't mean they deserve bad things. good luck out there, cause some of you need it.

I love all of my friends, and I couldn't imagine my life without meeting any of them

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people talk about a "woke agenda"

After my transition i kept the announcement to myself

I feared what would happen when I told others

I feared the effect it would have on my friends

In the end it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be

I regret not coming out before one of my grandma's died

but luckily I told her body in the morgue

My Popeye won't remember due to his amnesia

the one he claims he doesnt has

and my other grandpa died due to covid.

And that leaves on last grandparent

My grandma on my dad's side

The highly religious grandmother

to religious for my religious father, and is banned from our house due to her actions at my sisters 5th birthday party

The one that believes that not telling people their "sinning" is a sin upon itself

On my cousins graduation, I wore a dress

My grandma stood standoffish, staring at my from across the room

she spent the event clarifying with my dad that was me

and that i had the gull to wear a dress.

Months past and i didn't think about it

My dad came home from eating with his brother's and mom and came with a story

She convinced herself at the graduation she didn't recognize me, thinking I was just a pretty girl

and that my dad should do something to help

She told him to go to Sprouts

to buy hormones and drugs from the market

to sneak them into my food

and that should "fix" me

I wish I could buy hormones from Sprouts

I'm lucky my dad had taught himself to accept

I'm lucky enough that my dad warned me to not eat anything my grandma gives to me specifically

I wish I was lucky enough to not deal with this.

People talk about the woke agenda

act as if there is no danger to those who express themselves

but I hope I don't have to use the knife with my grandpas name on it

against the one who used to love him "til death do us part"

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If my blood was Ambrosia, would you finally treasure my life or would you still leave my fate to the gods

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the song "Orange juice" by Noah Kahan reminds me of you

I'll let you interpret that as you like

[artisnowy]

I had an intresting dream last night in which met people I haven't met before. this dream while one night felt like a couple days worth of time

In the dream I visited two of my friends at college, while there i met these two people named Amy and the other one had a name that started with a J. I remember them in such vivid detail from the way they talked to the way they held themselves. we went into the college's cafeteria in which we sat in a booth eating. After a bit a TV was brought out playing a show, I don't remember what exactly it was but it wad the colors of Dragon Ball so maybe that. We ended up piling into one seat on the booth and cuddling as we watched this show.

The next day I searched for them until I found them on a balcony and I asked them for their numbers to keep in touch. J made fun of Amy because she worried that they wouldn't get a chance to keep in touch with me and they wrote their information on black sticky notes with white markers. I thanked them and had to push through the crowd to exit before waking it.

It felt real, and when I woke up i went to text them to no avail since their number didn't exist. Maybe this post will allow me to meet them or maybe this post will keep their memory in tact who knows

(the image is not drawn proportional)

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“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your head already knows.”

— Unknown

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After some consideration, I will never stop loving. I will get hurt and burned as I stare into the light emanating from the ones I love and I will be ok for it, for what sorrowful reality it is to be damaged most by the ones you hold dear

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I am full of grief

I am full of love

I think their two side of the same coin

in order to be struck with grief you must have loved something enough for it to be worth grieving

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am I still the same person you loved? like the ship of theseus I've had to rebuild myself and change and adapt and I am unsure if I am thr same me that you had fallen in love with

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Have you looked at the stars recently? we are thousands of miles apart and yet our night sky is shared.

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I was born being repeated "treat others how you want to be treated" and i think that explains my world view. Everyone deserves kindness and understanding even in their worst moments, food water shelter clothing and heat are all things that should be garuenteed and that shouldn't be taken from you no matter your actions.

I remember learning about how native Americans respected the enviorment and the world they live in and I try me best to do the same, if I need to kill an animal for my survival I want all parts to be used and none to be wasted with the food we eat deserving the honor of what it came from.

Being told that I have amazing customer service feels given because I treat everyone like a human being, I understand and empathize with their emotions, I help them to the best of my extent, I understand they are human like me

[artisnowy]

anatomy 👁️

[artisnowy]

I'm going to love, I'm going to show the world my heart, I'm gonna show the scars and bruises and knives I keep in it from people who never kept a part of me, I'm gonna show my good and bad sides, I'm gonna let people love me for who I am, I will love and I will make the world love as a result

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Hey, I feel like this isn't great. it's like we are keeping eachother away while holding onto a rope on either side. I don't think either of us wants to let go of the other, but the rope burn is getting stronger. I don't want to let go, but the act of knowing I can't pull the rope closer is like it's wrapped around me multiple times.

These rope burns are permanent, and I don't know if I should let them get worse or decide if we need the rope anymore. Either by getting rid of it and letting go, or being in a situation where the rope is no longer nessicary to stay together

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I'm full of anger, i feel it consuming me like how it feels to have your lungs fill with rushing waves. I show a calm outside but I am about to cough up the water

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your visage is imprinted in me like a birthmark, i shall carry you around wherever I go

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what will come of us when the daybreaks, what will happen when we remember daybreak