art-or-death

[art-or-death]

dumb things my friends and I have said: 2023!

part one: january - march apologies ahead of time for length! feel free to change pronouns if need be. warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)

“Am I okay? Maybe. Probably not though.”

“Well she deserves to look old.”

“Got spotted throwing it back…”

“I have never wanted to be someone else as badly as I want to be that bitch.”

“Should I be the most vampiric person in the Petsmart today?”

“Accidentally became a femboy again.”

“Femboys are a dime a dozen and simultaneously so rare.”

“MOTHERFUCKER CAN YOU LOOK?”

“Ooh, look at me, I answered a fucking question.”

“This is only proving that I either have a hyperfixation or a problem.”

“Ugh, it smells like a bathroom in here.”

“He scarred those poor people for life, and he’s my idol.”

“That man has never shotgunned anything in his life.”

“Okay, so I didn’t realize how midnight it was.”

“My teeth feel like there’s an Apple airpod in my mouth.”

“We can only commit crimes Tuesday to Thursday, after hours.”

“Ahh, Cheez-Its. My one true love.”

“Grease Lightning thought automatic cars were cool.”

“I was having loud reactions in my home. That were not voluntary.”

“I feel like a Waffle House that closed due to weather.”

“My humor is that of a roach.”

“I would Toot Canal him so hard.”

“Eat shit, lint-licker.”

“We all know ‘draw background’ killed your grandma.”

“Lo and behold, guess what you did boy. You died.”

“That man read Fifty Shades of Gray and thought it was based on a true story.”

“The way my arm just bent is NOT fictitious.”

“The things I’d do to be in a microwave right now.”

“Actually, YOU should shoot MY ass― That was bad, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not ACTUALLY meth because what the fuck, but it’s like meth’s goody two shoes cousin.”

“I have no defense but I also have no shame.”

“Wait a minute, I want free money just for being gay.”

“I CAN PISS LSD?”

“I was less depressed, but significantly higher.”

“No no, you have my permission to call me a slur.”

“You have the reaction time of a sandal.”

“Sorry, you’re saying I can’t think catboys are hot?”

“I used to have a last name, but she took that in the divorce too.”

“Oh, HA, the AI called the wrong person a Jew!”

“I don’t even lose an hour of sleep, I lose an hour of being awake.”

“Those are my brain cells. They are dying.”

“Deadass built like a Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 NPC.”

“I need to go home. I’m about to be so mean to an optician.”

“I need to eat my fucking keyboard, I’m so sick of these people.”

“The written language is a light switch and my ADHD is the Spongebob Nosferatu flickering the lights.”

“Violence isn’t an emotion, but it is now.”

“The worst part about dying is that I lost the spaghetti.”

“If it’s gay to be time-efficient, then I don’t wanna be straight.”

“I shat in it for flavor and then pissed to fill it up.”

“He got bitchified.”

“I’m ready to finally be a bitch.”

“Oh, so we’re seeing Star Wars characters now?”

“I wasn’t bullying you. You were just suffering in my regime.”

“Who needs art when I have infinite rizz?”

“He can’t tell you he likes you all the time? Lame.”

“Reason has left the chat.”

“Fuckin’ dump a gallon of bleach and ammonia into a toilet and just lock the doors.”

[art-or-death]

OOC: REBOOT

No idea if I'll anyone is interested in interacting with Nny currently, but if so, I'm rebooting him! He's a "Reformed" Johnny, trying to do art instead of killing, just to make him more playable.

He can still be pushed to killing VERY EASILY, so if you want trouble you'll find it.

If you've interacted with Johnny before and you prefer your muse to recognize him, that's perfectly fine, feel free to treat him as a double. This isn't a retcon, everything that happened happened, just making a fresh version of him without all the baggage.

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// hey sorry, but just letting you know your pages on your theme are broken

WHOOPS sorry and thanks for letting me know!! Should be all good now!

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mr-pulvis‌:

[ As he opens the door wider for Johnny to trot through there’s a split second of panic because what if he was gonna make a run for it! There was no way Miles would be able to keep up with a dog, so how-

Oh.

He’s just at the car. That’s fine. Good. 

Miles follows, frowning down at Johnny before he moves to squat, folding his arms and letting his elbows rest on his knees. ]

Do ya wanna go fer a generic drive or is there somewhere in particular ya wanna go? [ Pauses. ] Uh, one bark fer the first one, two fer the second.

[Johnny rolled his eyes. You get to witness a little terrier rolling it’s eyes cuz that’s what this guy’s doing, huffing and attempting to use a dog mouth to make human sounds. And...it doesn’t really work. He feels lied to by those cute dog videos where it sounds like they’re saying “I’ll kill you” or whatever. That’s what they said, he’s sure of it. 

He dropped back to the ground and sat glaring at the ground for a minute before going up to Miles and pressing a paw to his leg. So he can just throw a word at him, not even a complete thought. 

Walmart.

That’s it, that’s all he’s telling him before running back to the car. OKAY LET’S GO.]

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mr-pulvis‌:

[ If Miles didn’t already know that the dog was possessed with ex homicidal maniac, he would have been cooing and fussing over the pupper after he nudged that phone back over to Miles. 

He follows after him though, frowning and quizzically looking between the door and Johnny. Slowly, he reaches out, hand on the doorknob and opening it ever so slightly. Maybe the dog, or Johnny, needed to do their.. business. ]

You.. wanna go out?

[Oh hell no. Johnny ain’t doing any of that shit (ha) outside. He’s been teaching the dog to use the toilet.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

Went out the door when it was opened and went straight to the car. Popped up on back paws again to lean on that. Come, manservant. We must ride.]

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mr-pulvis‌:

[ Admittedly it startles the absolute HECK outta Miles, makes him drop his phone and makes a hand shoot to his chest in an attempt to quell the sudden jack-hammering in his chest.

Oh so slowly, he turns to Dog-Johnny, glaring. ]

What.

[whoops. You dropped somethin man. Johnny-dog dutifully padded over to unhelpfully push the phone over to Miles’ feet before taking off toward the front door and putting paws on it and giving him a look. Honestly he could just be the dog doing this, this is a normal dog thing to do. Getting into character maybe? Whatever, he dog. Come on, open the door.]

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@mr-pulvis

[Johnny/dog just gonna let out the strongest single bark he can manage. Just one big BORK. HEY. MILES. HEY. SUP DUDE. IT’S YOUR FAV ROOMMATE WHO IS A DOG. 

Barking is annoying so he just did one real good one. You’re welcome.]

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“Lissen, I wanna kill Johnny, not you. Can’t poison a ghost.” Luke huffed. Maybe with some regret. Even though he also now feels pretty gross about wanting to kill Johnny. Yeahhhh h things are...weird....rn....

Luke proceeded to stand extremely tired and irritated as he had to continue holding two milkshakes he cannot drink. Why this. Miles pls. He brought these for YOU.

Johnny however was very pleased with Luke’s predicament. “Asshole, he KNOWS I’m right here.” Also pleased when Miles went to greet the dog. HI DOG YOU DO KINDA SCARE JOHNNY BUT YOU ARE ONE OF HIS FEW FRIENDS.

During Halloween night Johnny had been able to float around freely, but he’d felt pretty confined to Miles since then or he might get sucked back to that basement by the weird ghost laws or something. With Miles touching the dog though, he saw the opportunity to finally stretch his legs. Popped into the dog both to greet the dog and to just. Be there.

Weird sensation of letting Miles continue giving pets for a second (for the dog’s sake), before he turned on Luke with a growl. Gave a yap and then hopped onto hind legs to push against Miles’ legs to tell him to GO BACK INSIDE. This transaction is good and done let’s go back. Forget him.

“Hey, I fed you, y’lil stinker...” Luke gave a short somewhat offended laugh. What...why. You butt. Luke has been so good to you.

sugarcoatedmechanic‌:

Uhhh…s’written on th’top, mate.

[yeah. Squinted down at them, unable to point, unable to do much to indicate which is which. But one says S, one says B, one is…unmarked….it’s not COMPLETELY clear but it’s…fine.]

It’s th’ one with the S. Fer strawberry. B is for b- brownie? Or…or banana split. Um.

[they both have chocolate on top so the clear lid isn’t good enough. Shit. Well.]

…they’re all good and not poisoned, so.

[doggo came up to the door at this point, sniffing at Miles’ feet and then barking at him. Got some kinda sense that Johnny is around here! Where he at fool! Where’s my main man!]

Oh.

[ That made sense. It takes him a hot second to spot the S Cup before carefully plucking it out from Luke’s arms. He does go to take a sip from it but then Luke says THAT which makes Miles stop dead in his tracks. Makes him glare at this one armed jokester. ]

…….Wow. Yeah, um, tha’s probably not the kinda thing you should joke about, all things considered, yeah?

[ Luckily for Luke, the doggo’s sudden appearance helps to alleviate some of the tension in the air. Setting the shake down on the table adjacent to the door, Miles bends down to give the dog some pets and attention. ] 

Hey boy.. how ya doin’?

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“...okay.” 

The most compliant you’d get him. But Johnny was going to try to stay awake even when Miles fell asleep, if that were possible. Seemed a little more difficult considering he was feeling as snoozy as Miles was acting at the moment. He really was spending too much time in Miles’ body. Fuck.

lastsporkstanding‌:

“What DOES fill you with confidence? I think you have a confidence problem. Maybe you SHOULD have beaten Luke up yourself.” 

He was real close to saying something about the smoking, VERY CLOSE TO SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT DROPPING THE CIGARETTE OUTSIDE, but he didn’t. Let Miles stumble them into the house and down onto the couch. 

….suddenly this was very weird. But not as weird as getting in bed with somebody else would have been he guessed?? “…Okay, um. You sure you don’t want to eat first? Or….watch a movie?” 

Johnny doesn’t like sleeping. He’d really rather avoid it at all costs, even though he could feel how fucking tired Miles was. Just…they didn’t NEED to sleep, right? It’s fine, we can just..stay up. You’ll feel better eventually.

“Fuck off.” Not a lot and I absolutely do have confidence issues were the real answers, which, if Johnny were to find a way to poke around Mile’s mind, he would know, because Lord knows Miles would never admit it out loud.

Groaning, Miles rolls over, facing to the back of the sofa as he tries to get settled. Was it weird having Johnny in his head while he was trying to sleep? Yes. Was it the weirdest and most uncomfortable thing to happen to him? Not really. It barely bothers him. “M’sure… Makin’ food’s gonna take too long an’ orderin’ somethin’s gonna wake people up when the delivery guy rings th’door bell… Johnny, please, lemme jus’ sleep, yeah?”

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You could get married again. Aren’t you polyamorous?

lastsporkstanding‌:

Fine, fine. Tell them you can’t come because that’s your wedding day.

He knows I’m already married, ya dipshit, that wont work!

[art-or-death]

Fine, fine. Tell them you can’t come because that’s your wedding day.

@lastsporkstanding replied to your post “uhh what’s the appropriate response to getting a wedding invite from…”

Let me talk to them.

NO, abso-fuckin’-lutely not.

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mr-pulvis‌:

“That don’t exactly fill me wit’ confidence, man…” Miles slumps further down in the drivers seat, irritated, reaching over to tap the ash from his cigarette out the window. Between his anger and exhaustion, he doesn’t fully appreciate Johnny’s attempt to make him feel better. Nor does he notice the man comment on.. what had been his thoughts…

“I’ll lettcha know.” Snuffing, he takes a final, long drag of his cig, sitting up to flick the still smoking butt out the window, out onto the street. Wouldn’t have normally done that but after the evening he’d had? Miles couldn’t be arsed to dispose of it properly. 

And with that, he slips out of the car, trudging back to the house where, after locking up after himself and kicking off his forsaken heeled boots, Miles makes his way to the couch, blindly in the dark, flopping onto it with a groan. “Everyone’s probly asleep so.. m’gonna crash here fer t’night…” He mumble whispers as he curls up.

“What DOES fill you with confidence? I think you have a confidence problem. Maybe you SHOULD have beaten Luke up yourself.” 

He was real close to saying something about the smoking, VERY CLOSE TO SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT DROPPING THE CIGARETTE OUTSIDE, but he didn’t. Let Miles stumble them into the house and down onto the couch. 

....suddenly this was very weird. But not as weird as getting in bed with somebody else would have been he guessed?? “...Okay, um. You sure you don’t want to eat first? Or....watch a movie?” 

Johnny doesn’t like sleeping. He’d really rather avoid it at all costs, even though he could feel how fucking tired Miles was. Just...they didn’t NEED to sleep, right? It’s fine, we can just..stay up. You’ll feel better eventually.

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mr-pulvis‌:

“M’reaction time s’fine.”

Oh. Well then. Miles had a vague inkling that Johnny might say something along those lines but he had so hoped it would have been something less nefarious. Something that wouldn’t potentially put the people he cared about in harms way. He’s quite for what seems like several minutes, slowly puffing away on his cigarette as he tried to process that without flipping his shit.

“Wooow… M’SO glad it weren’t somethin’ real fuckin’ important, yanno– somethin’ that woulda been great t’know before ya hitched a ride in me an’ we went t’Lukes.” Huffing, Miles idly rubs eyes and temple, staring out at the road, at nothing in particular. “I’m no. I kinda wanna wring yer neck but tha’s unrelated.”

“Well! I don’t think it happens if you’re aware of it. So...as long as you know, you might be okay.” Probably. Hopefully. “And even if you did get it, I don’t think you’d go straight to hurting people you care about. I don’t really....remember, but I don’t think I HAD any people I cared about when I....got it. Which is probably part of why it was so bad?”

He didn’t just read your mind. That’s crazy talk.

“Well, if you start thinking of increasingly creative ways to kill me, let me know.”

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“I’m not sure I trust your reaction time. But...I suppose I could just tell you to duck or run.” Reluctantly said. He’d rather take the reigns, but he was supposed to TRY, just TRY to be better. Wasn’t so hard to just let Miles have his autonomy right? All he had to do was try. Maybe they wouldn’t get in another dangerous situation anyways. Maybe Miles could help him solve the body problem and he’d be good to go; he could defend Miles physically with his own body! That’d be good.

Instantly lost that thought as Miles started smoking. Ugh, really? Shit, Johnny could fucking taste it, what the FUCK. He barely suppressed his distaste, only avoiding a monologue about it because Miles’ subject was much more important. “Well, I don’t think it’s actually me physically, or- or spiritually, what have you. But I do believe the sickness got him. Which...I suppose was from me. But I don’t have the sickness anymore, so I’m probably not contagious anymore!” Probably!

Hm.

“...you aren’t having any...homicidal urges, are you?”

lastsporkstanding‌:

“I wasn’t meaning to imply that I did save your life, I was just asking if I can later. I attacked him because he’s dangerous and I panicked.” 

Paused.

“…and because that’s what I do. But! I’ve been doing a lot better, right?”

He’s TRYING not to start wanton violence! He’s trying!

“Oh.”

Miles may have misinterpretation what Johnny had meant but even being corrected isn’t enough to quell the anger bubbling away just under the surface. Snuffing, he thinks for moment. Giving Johnny permission to take over, possibly without warning or his own consent, in exchange for his ‘life being saved’. Hmm. Yeah, that wasn’t something he needed to think particularly hard on.

“It don’t matter what situation m’in, yer not allowed t’pull that shit.” He doesn’t answer Johnny’s question. Miles, in all honesty, didn’t know if Johnny was better. Mostly because he didn’t know him whilst he was dealing with the Sickness, he had only heard for Luke and Worth what the skinny bastard used to be like. 

Pulling up outside his and Tea’s home, Miles parks up the car and kills the engine, though he doesn’t get. Not yet. Instead, he moves to riffle through the glove box, in search for his pack of emergency smokes. He would need one or ten before heading inside.

Lighting up and taking an unnecessarily long drag, he stares out the windscreen. Trying to calm down. Trying to think. “What did Luke mean? When he was talkin’ about when you were possessin’ ‘im– about what havin’ you in his head did to him?”

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[LOUD HUFF FROM JOHNNY in Miles’ head. He’s not loud. Just wait, he’ll be so quiet you forget he’s there.]

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“I wasn’t meaning to imply that I did save your life, I was just asking if I can later. I attacked him because he’s dangerous and I panicked.” 

Paused.

“...and because that’s what I do. But! I’ve been doing a lot better, right?”

He’s TRYING not to start wanton violence! He’s trying!

lastsporkstanding‌:

Ah. Didn’t cheer Miles up. Well….he tried. Therefore it’s no longer his responsibility! yeah. Good deal.

“Painfullest?” You’d think he was making fun of the fake word, but nah. He doesn’t give a shit. “How would you kick me out painfully? I can’t even feel anything. Except what you feel, sort of. Ohhh….do you mean emotionally painfullest? Fuck, Miles. Well. Does saving your life if your reaction time is bad count?”

“What?” That was… What? Miles’ entire face becomes taut in befuddlement.   How did Johnny even come to either of those conclusions? “No, I– you can feel what I feel??” No. No, he shakes his head, that was important but not what he wanted to tackle first. “I got a friend who deals with ghosts an’ shit. M’sure she’s got a way t’hurtcha.”

“And at what point did ya save m’life, aye? While I was calmly talkin’ t’Luke, when everythin’ was goin’ fine and dandy and ya made me fuckin’ attack ‘im with a shovel???” Miles had told himself he would be calm but Johnny was making it so Difficult.

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mr-pulvis‌:

Against his better judgement, Miles had expected an apology. He would have even accepted a half arsed one because at least that mean Johnny had understood he fucked up. So when there’s no apology forth coming, Miles sighs, tired and defeated, responding with pretty much no enthusiasm. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess yer right.”

It takes longer than it should for Miles to straighten up and start the car again. There was still some excess adrenaline rushing through his system and the slightest tremor still causing his hands to shake. He manages eventually, though, driving at a far more reasonable speed and taking the long way home; he found it hard to shake the idea he wasn’t being followed or watched somehow.

“…M’gonna give ya the benefit o’the doubt man, a three strike rule kinda thing, yeah? Ya pull that shit two more times an’ m’kickin’ ya outta me in the painfullest way possible, ya get me?”

Ah. Didn’t cheer Miles up. Well....he tried. Therefore it’s no longer his responsibility! yeah. Good deal.

“Painfullest?” You’d think he was making fun of the fake word, but nah. He doesn’t give a shit. “How would you kick me out painfully? I can’t even feel anything. Except what you feel, sort of. Ohhh....do you mean emotionally painfullest? Fuck, Miles. Well. Does saving your life if your reaction time is bad count?”