arosexuality - Tumblr blog

[arosexuality]

I’m not allosexual in the alloromantic and allosexual way. I’m allosexual in the aromantic way. Why is that so hard to understand?

[arosexuality]

Like here’s the problems with “qpps/qprs are just best friendships!”:

No they aren’t, and I think deep down nobody thinks this. Nobody thinks its “normal” for a friend to want to move in and be domestic and intimate with their friend, bc intimacy levels matter in a relationship, even platonic forms of it

Besides, are you really gonna sit here and tell me the dividing lines between romance, sexual relationship, and friendship aren’t poorly-defined and vague as fuck anyway? You’re really gonna act like we couldn’t use a few more words to define this shit?

Moreover, people in qpps/qprs aren’t “just friends” bc they uhh said so, and it’s rude to try to define someone else’s relationship for them

esp if its a relationship you clearly don’t actually understand or relate to, a category a lot of people saying this fall into

You may think youre just being “reasonable” criticizing terminology that isn’t yours and relationships you arent a part of and don’t relate to but I hope you’ll take a moment to think about why that’s shitty, and also why it matters so goddamned much to you to prove that qpps/qprs are “just friendships” (i.e. aren’t “real relationships”)

[arosexuality]

talk to fish in aquariums

[arosexuality]

pet cats

and smooch them on the head if they'll let you

[arosexuality]

read poetry in iambic pentameter out loud to your best friend

[arosexuality]

take deep breaths

[arosexuality]

Autochorissexual/Aegosexual

I’ve seen a lot of people use autochorissexual and aegosexual interchangeably (and admit I’ve been guilty of doing this myself up until a couple of years ago), but while they were coined to describe the same experience, I don’t feel that they’re quite synonymous due to the vastly different ways they categorize that experience.

Autochorissexualism was coined by psychologist Anthony Bogaert, a man who to the best of my knowledge considers himself allosexual, in 2012. Anthony Bogaert categorized the experience this term described as a ‘paraphilia’. Over time, the term came to be known in the ace community by autochorissexuality rather than autochorissexualism.

In 2014, a tumblr user coined the term aegosexual as a replacement for the term autochorissexual because the original term was found to be clunky by many, because many aces were understandably very uncomfortable with their ace experiences being considered ‘paraphilias’, because a lot of us feel that having this experience categorized as a ‘paraphilia’ furthers the stigmatization of asexuality being ‘abnormal’, and because some believed it was better for us to be coining our own terminology for our experiences rather than people outside of the ace community.

Aegosexual is most often categorized either as a sexuality in and of itself, or as a descriptor an ace person may use to describe a part of how they experience their asexuality.

I’m not about to tell anyone which to use… some people still think autochorissexual/ism is fine and are fine with their experience being categorized as a paraphilia. 

But as one of those people deeply uncomfortable with the term autochorissexual/ism and it’s categorization as a paraphilia, I personally would greatly appreciate it if when people talked broadly about autochorissexual/ism and it’s categorization as a paraphilia, they make mention that many aces are very uncomfortable with this term and have moved to the term aegosexual instead.

[arosexuality]

Hot take but amatonormativity should be considered a feminist issue and was in fact eluded to in a lot of early feminist writing, and the fact that we don’t widely regard it as a feminist issue today indicates either a loss of knowledge or an acceptance of harmful social norms on the part of modern feminists

[arosexuality]

love being aromantic

[arosexuality]

💚🖤💜

[arosexuality]

Find more info @AspecApril or #AspecApril! 

Are you ready for some reading challenges? Choose your level!

🖤 Level 1 - complete 4 challenges 🖤 Level 2 - complete 8 challenges 🖤 Level 3 - complete 12 challenges 🖤 Readathon master - complete all 16 challenges

Rose’s Rec List + Disclaimers: Books may fit other bingo challenges slots but it’s either an unknown factor to me or I didn’t think it was about the subject enough. With your card do whatever you think is best. Books that aren’t “recommended” mean I haven’t read but they are in my tbr pile. I also tried to give a wide variety of genres in hopes everyone could at least find one new thing.

Hello World by Tiffany Rose and Alexander Tauber

Indie Author

Purple on the cover

A book recommended ( ;D it’s my book)

Released over 12 months ago

Sci-Fi Book

How To Be a Movie Star by TJ Klune

Released in the past 12 months

Two or more a-spec characters in the same book

A book recommended

Aces with different a-spec ids

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

A-spec character of color

A book recommended

Released over 12 months ago

Has purple on the cover (lol how’d I forget)

The Captain’s Men by TJ Land

Short Story/Novella

Fantasy

Released over 12 months ago

Hullmetal Girls by Emily Skrutskie

Released in the past 12 months

A book without romance

Science fiction

The Diviners by Libba Bray

Purple on the cover

Older than a year

A-spec character of color

Disabled a-spec author

Fantasy

That’s six books and surely one of these authors are new to you making every box checked off besides Group Book and when it’s announced that would make seven books for your very last blank! 

[arosexuality]

god im reading a text about romance fiction (especially targeted at young adults) for class and one sentence in it literally made my brain explode because ive been thinking about this kind of stuff too, how “Many people wouldn’t fall in love if they’ve never heard about it before.” and like…imagine there was no ideal/overaccentuated image of love and romance painted in postmodern mass media….how would we love? would it be purer? more authentic? what would we do differently? would we fall in love at all if we werent constantly being fed an ideal concept of love as the norm in mass media? like what is a natural process of human feelings and what is just a projection of how we want to love and want to be loved based on what we’ve seen on tv and read in books etc? in this essay i will

[arosexuality]

shoutout to aros like me. shoutout to those of us who read romantic fluff or a smutty oneshot for a pick-me-up. you’re not any less aro then romance-repulsed aros. you’re just as real and just as queer <3

[arosexuality]

Sir that’s my emotional support unrealistic romantic daydream

[arosexuality]

One of the most insidious messages we receive as aromantic people is the idea there is nothing to be gained from a platonic relationship that one can’t get from a romantic relationship. The media we consume every day tells us that what we have to offer would be somehow better if it were given in a romantic, rather than platonic context. It tells us things like emotional support, laughter, care, and love are more valuable within the confines of a romantic relationship.

This can leave an aromantic person feeling as if they have nothing unique or valuable to offer, and the things they could provide to the people they care about would be better had from a romantic partner. That they themselves are superfluous and unnecessary.

These are lies. You are beautiful, and valuable, and you have more to offer than you will ever know. You may never see it yourself, but every person who chooses to have you in their life sees something in you that is worthwhile. There is something they receive from you they don’t get from anyone else, and it’s likely something different for every person who knows you.

You are special. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel like you’re enough, because you are.

You are.

[arosexuality]

yall really don’t like to use your brains huh. i mean QPRs just aren’t that hard of a concept to understand… a very strong, committed, platonic relationship. “oh that’s a best friend !” but do you consider your best friend a life partner ? would you move in with them ? would you become their civil partner ? would you adopt kids with them ?

idk what yall expect from aromantic ppl honestly. just let us put words on our experiences ! having a life partner is something a lot of people want and sometimes that life partner is platonic and that’s it. you all know full well that romantic relationships are prioritized over platonic ones so stop telling us QPPs are just best friends despite the level of commitment in QPRs.

literally just respect arospec ppl’s experiences with platonic feelings and attraction, i promise you it’s not that hard.

[arosexuality]

the way my friends took care of me formed the blueprint of how I take care of myself and just thinking about that makes me SO emotional idek what or who I would be without my friends