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was so well-behaved the dentist let me put my fingers in his mouth too

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i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

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Tiny chicken update: I've been taking her out of the coop at apéritif time to let her spend some supervised time with the older hens and it's been going well :) When they try to bother her she hops onto my lap, which she seems to perceive as a safe place. And she continues being very unfazed by Pandolf.

I felt encouraged by her growing temerity, and decided to provide her with some enrichment in the greenhouse today. There are two planter boxes at the back that are chaotic messes of overgrown lettuce, parsley, and rocket, bravely trying to survive amidst a jungle of weeds. I'm going to clear them out and plant courgettes and stuff now that it's spring, but I admit that this winter I just forgot about them. I had two beautiful Potemkin Planters at the front of the greenhouse, with well-cared-for lettuce and coriander that my guests could see and admire from outside, and no one needed to know about the Shame Planters at the back.

I thought a Lettuce Jungle would be a interesting environment for a tiny chicken to explore, and it didn't matter if she damaged any plants in there.

To make her journey more thought-provoking, I added a few Creatures.

I then decided to hold a Zhuazhou ceremony of sorts, like when a baby is given various items to choose from and the one they pick is supposed to predict their personality or future career.

I'm excited to learn more about this tiny chicken's true self! Will she pick the fox, or the monkey?

She seems to be drawn to the f—ah, no.

She picked the lettuce.

Future career: Chicken 🎊

Next, I decided to test her audacity. Will she be brave enough to steal a cherry tomato from the prongs of the blue glittery jackalope?

Fair enough. I brought her back to the first planter with the creatures she'd already met and seemed less freaked out by, and offered her one last, fairly easy test of intelligence: while she wasn't looking, I put some grain at the bottom of a small pot. Would she find it?

At first she mostly looked suspicious. (Which is a sign of intelligence.)

But then she figured out that there was food in there! I'm proud! 😊

And then, suddenly,

I thought the way she hid behind a tall lettuce to observe and evaluate the threat was really cute. And ingenious. But that was enough emotion for today, and besides, Morille was a completely unauthorised creature in my safe jungle simulation for tiny chickens, so I brought the hen back to the safety of the coop.

And then looking at all my photos made me feel ashamed of the anarchic state of my Back Planters so I (finally) started dealing with them—and while removing the soil to add a new layer of compost I found a large beetle larva. To avoid any accusations of favouritism I'd like to point out that I went to offer it to my other new hen, the one who's older and has been a bit neglected (in my posts) so far. She was delighted.

You can sort of see the larva in her beak here—she grabbed it and immediately ran like hell to avoid having to share it with anyone. Like a true chicken.

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It's so weird to me when people are like 'but that will cost the government money!' So what? They're the government, they're supposed to be spending money. What, you want them to take your tax dollars and then do nothing with it? Lock it all up in a big government vault and just look at it? Why are you so scared of giving a third grader lunch or a homeless person a house.

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i've said this before but it's so crazy that some of you just grew up with tornadoes. if i saw one twister snake down from the clouds in front of my physical eyes i would become a mad priest for the rest of my life. and people from kansas are just like "lmao yeah that's why we had basement prom that one year" or whatevr

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for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

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SHAPE HELL

Yup.

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Oliver Baez Bendorf, “Everything All at Once”

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had contractors come by and forgot i was wearing this shirt

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picture of a cute innocent baby animal "um this is who youre being mean to btw" thats not even true man youre a straight up vampire and you destroyed my village with your dark powers

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someone: hey I noticed this thing you did in your writing!

me, kicking my feet up flirtatiously: oh??? do you want to hear my thoughts on why I did that? do you want a play-by-play of the language choices in every related sentence? do you want an exhaustive breakdown of The Themes???

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yuri and yaoi are some of the best, most sacred things in the entire world

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Philadelphians refilling the earths core with Cheez Whiz during the Great Cheez Whiz shortage of 1912