ariaversse

[ariaversse]

*private due to ableism*

Hi

Do you mind listening to someone?

no, not at all :)

if there's anything you'd like to open about to me, i'll be here to listen!! i'm not always active here though, but i'll try my best to do so 💛

that goes for everyone else on this app as well 🫶

- ari 🐻

[ariaversse]

everything i touch, everything i feel, it is stained with the thought of you.

a simple sight of a hand feeling the touch of another. the simple smile with giddiness written all over. i see it everywhere in the eyes of others.

and i told myself countless times how i am through with everything about you. yet it crosses my mind from time to time how much of myself you took when you vanished like a tiny scrape of ice under the sun. a moment i blinked and i am stuck with the memories we made unerasable.

i am unsure whether or not i regret giving you everything i had, but i know in my mind that what we had was a memory to behold. that's why it hurts. it hurts that you left holding a bigger piece of me.

so if you come asking me how i am... i am fine. you made me stronger than i was before. but i hope you do not, for a second, believe that you made the right choice leaving.

because you made me believe that with you, it was forever.

- ari 🐻

[ariaversse]

i was not an easy person to love. my heart was too young, too naive to face a heart as strong as yours. but you made me believe that i was worth something. that's why i thought that at some point, i became a slave for your love.

i fell in love with the feeling of being loved. i followed the lead of someone i trusted knew how to handle the construction of a connection. i did everything while putting my trust in you. and yet, things happened.

it was your fault to have been so easily complacent, but it was mine to not have a decision where the lines should have been drawn. it was mine to not have said anything when i knew i should have.

what happened to us? living in the pain we both caused. suffering the consequences of what we thought was us building a house to shelter our fond little hearts.

you were a person with the greatest love slumbering in you. but the past had left you with scars that kept your impurities awake. so in the end, it was you. the one who wasn't easy to love.

- ari 🐻

[ariaversse]

nearly a month in, i'm feeling a lot better. i am 90% the person i was before i met you, but this time, i am a lot more aware.

taking a chance on you taught me great things about the fantasies i had of loving. and most of which i learned was the fact that nothing actually lasts forever... maybe at least for me. if there was one thing that did, it would be meant for those who are truthfully for each other. so i'm left with the impression that we really weren't each other's. there's nothing wrong with it though. i've slowly come to terms with it.

the 10% is for the memories i truly enjoyed making with you. you were one of a kind. one of those people i know i wouldn't find anywhere else. but that was only the side of you where the sun shined.

where the shadows resided was a piece of you i can't help but shed doubts on. even now, i wonder if everything you said was true. regardless, i am thankful you gave us a try. because of you, i am enlightened of my limits, learned to set my own boundaries.

but also thank you for setting me free... because now, i found a new person within me.

- ari 🐻

[ariaversse]

there is always a sense of comfort i feel when i remind myself that if the love was true, everything i had in that period of time will come back to me.

i may have not been the best, possibly the worst i could have been to everyone including myself. i'm not even sure i deserve to be in the same situation i was in nearly a year ago... so i choose not to wait.

i gave it a try, and i'm happy i did. the mistakes i made were enough to teach me the lesson i needed. of course, it still hurts. i kept driving myself away from my problems to avoid the pain. i did everything to lessen the pain... yet it's still there. so i'm trying to be more open to my feelings, accept them as they are.

i realized that what i did only helped me walk backwards from my goal. from this point on, i am ready to give myself the healing i need, having accepted my fate in this little life of mine.

- ari 🐻