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Pocahontas, IA

2011

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From February 9 to 10, 1913 Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka First published : 1973

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decoeuphoria ~ White transparency

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journalofemptiness

the second chair remained untouched, a silent reminder of the conversations that would never be had.

it’s in my head #101 | chapter iii

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Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

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ed ruscha, halo, 1986

dry pigment and acrylic on paper

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via @\k_maricia on twitter

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this is not only my favorite ethel cain song (along with ptolemaea), but it is also one of my favorite songs to exist ever. it makes my heart feel things so deeply in a way that is simply indescribable.

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Seated Wax Anatomical Model, Zoe Leonard, 1991-92

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http://youtu.be/haL9eydxO5w

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freshman year of college.

Great song for gross feelings.

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from high-school.

Just bringing this back because I’m actually really proud of this cover.

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i was just stalking my tumblr because i've had it for so long now and completely ghosted it until recently. i found some songs i posted like 10 years ago and i'm just gonna repost them to add to my #mymusic page.

but damn. my voice used to be so well-trained. which ... makes sense given that i was training up to 12 hours a week at a musical theatre company and then went on to study acting my first year and a half of college but man. i wish my voice was still that in shape (for lack of a better term??)

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with my recent tumblr revival, i mentioned i'd like to maybe use this space to keep track of my therapy sessions. mostly for myself. i think putting words to how sessions go would be beneficial to me in more ways than one. i think it would help me process and not hold the weight of it alone. it would also allow me to look back and track progress. so much of the time, progress is so minuscule that it feels impossible to notice on a large scale. being able to look back could help me see progress in a tangible way. however, i think the most beneficial thing about keeping journal entries of therapy sessions is that (without going into too much detail at the moment) i am diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. i've been working with a therapist who specializes in it for the past 3 years—since my diagnosis—and while the dissociative amnesia has gotten significantly better, it is still a major struggle on a daily basis. and it's quite disorienting at that. so i think having something physical, written in real time, to consult and to jog my memory would be really helpful (and help with the dissociative amnesia panic).

i see two different therapists, so therapy 2x per week (i'm high maintenance lol) for different things. i see one therapist for the dissociative disorder. lots of emphasis on parts work with her. it's been so incredible and absolutely the most helpful therapy i've ever done. and i've been in therapy for over half of my life so that says a lot. and my other therapist is a trauma therapist who is helping me on a more broad spectrum, aka trauma processing, skills-based therapy, neurodivergent/disability justice informed, etc ... she's also queer and it makes it feel like such a safe space. i am so grateful for both of my therapists. i feel so lucky. so anyway, the 2 photos posted (in this post) are the photos i will attach to updates each week based on which session i am discussing/processing/reviewing.

i don't really have any active followers on here anymore, so for now, it is mostly for myself, though i would still really like to build a tiny safe (emphasis on safe) community on here. so if anyone even stumbles upon my posts or has the spoons to read them or interact, i'd love to find a space where i fit in. i don't feel like i fit in in much of the world and it's lonely. so if you're reading this, thanks for being here.

stay safe out there, friends ♡ ♡ ♡

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Anne Sexton, from “The Sermon of the Twelve Acknowledgements” in The Complete Poems

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