ares-carnahan

[ares-carnahan]

“What, not dead?” Margot asked, raising an eyebrow. “You can never be sure, with all the new technology these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a few undead walking among us.” Maybe that was why the Capitolites wore so much make-up. Margot smiled at her private joke. All the while, she kept her eyes tracked on Ares as he went up the stairs. Habit. 

She knew at some point soon she should invite him to come in and not force him to stay outside in the cold with her. She held off for a minute, though. 

“I’ve gone five years dodging those invitations.” Margot said, a flicker of pride flashing across her face, almost reminiscent of the arrogant career she used to be. “I think I can last a few more. I’ll hedge my bets. It’s a nice offer, really, but…” She trailed off, knowing he was right: best to go quietly, eventually. That’s what she did with everything else, certainly. But the idea of sitting through a wholesome family dinner nauseated her just a little. 

Ares rolled his eyes at her, but the smile was there. Margot wasn’t the easiest to get along with, but he did attempt to be a good mentor to hr. She had proven to him in a way that Alex and Serenity hadn’t at one point that she could make it. She was the only one of his tributes that survived that he had full faith in and actually survived. It was weird to think that there was a point where he didn’t believe that his own girlfriend could make it out alive, but it happened, and that conversation was awkward to have. 

“Five years? She hasn’t pulled you in by the hair yet? Consider yourself lucky,” Ares said with a raised brow and a wider smile as he leaned his head down a little to stare back at her. “Seriously. Get out of the house once in a while. You and Fell are the worst about that. We’re a prideful District. We should show it more.”

[ares-carnahan]

“Feverfew Tea.” Margot informed him, lifting up her mug and taking another sip of it. “It’s keeping me warm just fine.” The porch was one of the few places in the house that she actually liked, and in a few days time it would be absolutely too cold to sit out there and watch the small world of Victor’s Village go by. 

“Well, I’ve been here. As per usual. Not dead yet.” Margot responded to his second statement, motioning to the house around her. She didn’t leave it often–nowhere to go, nobody to see. If it weren’t for a handful of Victors–Serenity and Ares, mostly–who came around every so often to make sure she hadn’t died alone from choking on her dinner of whatever, her human contact would be mostly limited to the Games. 

Which would have been fine by her, really. It didn’t annoy her, occasional check-ins. If they made the other victors feel better, she didn’t mind the occasional small interruption. But complete solitude would have been just as fine. 

Ares glanced at the tea again, unsure of what that was or what it tasted like, and he didn’t feel like finding out. He was a coffee guy and he was quite okay staying that way. So he nodded and trekked his way up the rest of the stairs, his six foot four frame towering over the small Margot Novak the same way he did over Serenity. He didn’t sit down, as he knew it was rude to sit when he was uninvited by a woman. So instead, he stood at the edge of the railing and leaned back on it, arms crossed as she spoke. 

“Aren’t we all?” he replied, scratching an area at his temple into his hairline before dropping his arms back across his chest. “You know Serenity is inevitably going to be inviting you to dinner at the Garcia house. You should go. There’s only so much being inside all of the time is going to get you. Trust me. You don’t need Serenity attempting to bully you out the front door. Best to go quietly, right?” He smiled a little at the small quip.

[ares-carnahan]

Ares had realized he hadn’t heard from Margot in a couple of days.

While she had been his and Serenity’s first Victor together after Serenity had won, he didn’t quite understand her distance from them as much. He did care about her, as she had proven herself a fierce competitor during her Games. Except it wasn’t a secret that she seemed standoffish. He tried not to push her, but he did grow concerned when he hadn’t heard from her in a while. 

So, he braved the bitter cold and headed over to her mansion, bundled up in a jacket and a scarf, his injury bare to the wind as he had taken off his bandages nearly a week ago. It was still raised, pink and irritated, starting from his hairline, nearly knicking his eye before stopping at the bottom of his cheekbone. Once he approached her home, they made eye contact before she spoke. He huffed a laugh and shook his head as he rounded the steps to head up to her front porch.

“Isn’t it a little cold to be sitting out here listening to the radio and drinking... that?” Ares asked as he gestured to whatever was in her mug. “I haven’t heard from you in a couple days, Margot. Just wanted to check in.”

                                                 — “LITTLE COLD FOR A WALK, ISN’T IT?”

 Never mind the fact it was probably also too cold to be sitting outside on her porch, which was exactly what Margot Novak was doing. Settled into an overly-plush outdoor sofa with a rapidly-cooling cup of tea letting steam into the air and the low hum of the radio beside her as her only companion, Margot Novak was really in no position to be questioning the figure passing by her house about the cold.

It was cold, though. Victor’s Village wasn’t far from the mountains of Two, where winter came and stayed like an uninvited house guest, killing just-blooming plants throughout March, sometimes even sneaking into April. This was just the beginning of the cold. A warmer person would have invited the person out of the cold and into their home. Margot did not. 

[ares-carnahan]

She rolled her eyes at him, but found herself smiling. Ares was getting used to his scar and seemed better than he had a little while ago. Serenity was pleased at the development and he was back to being more comfortable with himself–happier. 

“I like the light a fire part at least,” she teased back, pulling ahead of him and walking backwards while she stuck her tongue out at him. She hit the edge of the gate with her back and cursed quietly, misjudging the distance. Serenity looked up at the Peacekeeper who she recognized from her mother’s battalion. “Open sesame?” she said, laughing lightly. 

The door opened and she continued to walk backwards as the snow fell. “I’ll tell my mom you’ve done a great job today!” she called. Serenity was in quite a jovial mood and she was sure the Peacekeeper thought she was bullshitting him. 

Ares made a playful face at her before shaking his head. Well, it wasn’t completely off of the table with how her tone of voice sounded, but he was going to consider it a loss for now. He had plenty more opportunities in the future to get in Serenity’s pants so long as their relationship continued to thrive. 

She pulled ahead of him and walked backward, their fingers still intertwined as her back hit the gate. Ares snorted in his mild laughter as he cut his eyes toward the Peacekeeper who glanced at them. He gave a mock saute before the gates were finally opened and they were let inside, the bars closing behind them as if they were in a luxurious prison. 

“I’m sure we can start a fire without a problem,” Ares said, then laughed as she interrupted his words with a shout to the Peacekeeper, earning a laugh from him before he began to tease her. “Hey, pay attention to me!” 

He tightened his grip on her hand before he quickly bent down, scooped up a handful of snow before pulling her toward him and dumped it down the back of her neck and into her coat with another loud laugh.

[ares-carnahan]

Dinner in the Capitol was great. Not that it was his favorite place to be, but it was close enough when it was with Serenity. It was calm, quiet, serene and everything he wanted out of a date night with his girlfriend. The snow had begun to fall outside while they were enjoying their meal and time together, which prompted a good reason for Ares to put on his beanie to partially hide the scarring on his face. The bandages had come off about a week and a half ago, the stitches removed, so it was still a little raised and irritated. People stared, but Ares was hopeful that he could feel comfortable with it eventually.

They started walking back toward Victor’s Village, holding hands and chatting from their earlier conversation. Once that shifted gears, they were nearly at the gates of the Village when she changed subjects. Her family was out and he wasn’t going to bother Fell or his sisters. That meant it was those two for the rest of the night.

“I say we light a fire and get naked on the couch and get sweaty,” Ares joked, even though part of him found that he might be serious.

The snow fell gently as Serenity pulled Ares out of the restaurant they had dined at for the evening. The days had turned shorter, meaning that the two of them entered the chilly night air in full darkness. The street lamps were blazing warm yellow light, leading them down the street towards the entrance to the Village. 

It had been a good evening. There was not too many people in the restaurant and they were left to their own devices. The food was delicious and hearty and Serenity couldn’t help but slip her hand into Ares’ as they began their walk home. It wasn’t far and she was definitely the kind that would say any distance is walkable. 

She was happy for the soft snow fall. If it was cold and there was no snow, what was even the point? 

“What do you want to do tonight? The one mom is at work and the other mom and Aurora are out doing something charitable for the night. So I am as free as a bird.” // @ares-carnahan​

[ares-carnahan]

Serenity could make it harder on Ares. She was positive she could make her way from his arms somehow. But, that required hurting him and he was already hurt today, in so many more ways than one. Even so, she still struggled a little bit. Serenity wanted Ares to know that she was not pleased with this situation. 

She didn’t bother looking at Eladora anymore. She had said mostly everything she wanted to. Serenity didn’t know if Eladora would hold a grudge against her, but who would hurt the family of a Peacekeeper Captain during all of this turmoil? That would be either stupid or incredibly evil. Maybe Eladora could use someone else to hurt her family and get them in trouble. Serenity wasn’t sure if she was that vindictive. But, coming after just her, Serenity was comfortable enough to be okay with that as a consequence. 

“Ares, put me down.” Serenity wasn’t about to be carried like this through the Village. It made her look like a child. “I can walk perfectly fine on my own now.” They were out of sight of the house. She didn’t want to think of who was peering out of their windows at the moment. “I just needed to tell your mother that she’s the worst person in the world. She never even spoke directly too me. I was nothing more than an animal to her.” 

Ares sighed. She could struggle as she wanted, but the way he had her, he was pinning her hard against him. He wasn’t willing to take the risk and put her down until he knew she was safely inside of his mansion and out of reach from her. He was a little too paranoid, especially when his mother was involved, to let her go at that point. Even as she complained and struggled, Ares kept a firm hold on her and didn’t let up. He would never do this to her unless he didn’t think it was for a good reason. 

“Remember that conversation about trust?” Ares told her. “Well, this is the one thing I don’t trust you or anybody else for that matter on. I’m not putting you down until we get home. That’s that. So just deal with it. We’re almost there.” 

He was walking as fast as he could. His headache was getting a little more intense from the stress of it all but he wasn’t going to complain about it. He took a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth as she continued to bitch along the way. 

“And I don’t mean for this to sound like a dick thing to say,” Ares said. “but that’s all you, Fell, me, and Alex will ever be to her. Unless they kiss her shoes, we’re nothing but animals to her. So you attempting to say anything at all to her is futile. You don’t know what she’s capable of, Serenity.”

[ares-carnahan]

Serenity felt Ares’ arms around her again and she ignored them, planting her feet in place. She wasn’t going to sock the woman in the face, even though a large part of her wanted to. But, Serenity wanted Eladora to know that she wasn’t going to back down. She would have to acknowledge her and the shit she had done. Serenity didn’t think it would do anything, but maybe the woman would just leave them alone if Serenity yelled harshly enough.

The words that spilled from Ares’ lips were more chilling than what Eladora said. She knew Ares did not like her mother. She knew she had done some terrible things, but she didn’t think that Ares would listen to her like that anymore. 

Serenity didn’t expect to be picked up and a shocked gasp escaped her lips. She was slung over Ares’ shoulders and she was furious. 

She struggled a little bit against Ares’ arms, but glared up at Eladora. “You’re such a coward,” she yelled at the woman. She glared for a moment longer, before dropping her gaze to Ares’ back. “Put me down,” she demanded quietly into his ear, softly punching his back. 

Every time he got around his mother, Ares felt sick to his stomach. Every childhood memory came pummeling him all at once and the longer Serenity stayed there yelling at her, the more afraid he became. She was part of his nightmares on as much of a frequent basis as his time in the arena was. He had gone in to prove to her that he was as strong as she was, only she didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered to that woman because for some reason, she despised him. Ares didn’t quite know why and anymore, he wasn’t interested in finding out. All he cared about was protecting the people he loved from her, because he knew what she was capable of. 

Carrying Serenity away was a bit of a struggle, considering how much she was wiggling and he was trying to walk as fast as he could away from the house. There were too many memories of that house and what happened there -- the small space under his bed, the screaming, the way his sisters walked by him without acknowledging him, Seraphina holding his hand discreetly to try and carry him through each day, the escapes he had to carefully plan out so he wouldn’t get hurt more, her kicking him out of the house... all of those things were slamming into him all at once and he needed to get Serenity to understand that. 

He grunted softly when she punched him in the back, but he didn’t put her down even as she demanded it of him. 

“No,” Ares said with a strong emphasis, squeezing the back of her knees even tighter against his stomach and holding her waist stiffer. “Not until we get home.”

[ares-carnahan]

It bothered Serenity beyond belief that this woman didn’t dare speak with her. She was apparently so many levels beneath Eladora that she’d rather make awful comments about her than to speak directly to her. The words ‘coward’ and ‘monster’ swirled around Serenity’s head and it was all she could associate with the woman in front of her. 

Ares’s hand were around her wanting to drag her away and it made her even more angry. She understood why he wanted her away from his mother but that part of her brain was shh’ed in the back. Him pulled her made her feel like Ares was listening to his mother. She needed to be controlled and tamed and pulled away like a dog on a leash. 

She took each of her hands and pried Ares’ hand away from her midsection and stomped up the path, stopping just before the porch. “I am not some dog to be tamed, Eladora,” she spat. “I think you think any person can be tamed, but look where that got you. Old and alone and pathetic. Waiting at the end of your little street for someone to come and insult. That sounds like the dream doesn’t it?”

Serenity was a force to be reckoned with. Ares knew that much for sure, but the problem lied in the fact that his mother had been around a long time, having won her Games at sixteen. She had been a Victor for well over forty years and that gave her plenty of connections. Even if her children had nothing to do with her, she was still in deep with the Capitol and had people who she could call upon to do her bidding. She was a snake and Ares knew that. If Fell hadn’t already been a threat to her own life if set off, she might have already made his life even more miserable for simply taking him in over fifteen years ago. 

He couldn’t let Eladora’s connections hurt Serenity or her family. 

Ares tried to stop her by attempting to re-grab her before she stalked up to the porch to confront her. He bolted in behind her as she started to unload on her, to which Eladora barely looked phased by it at all. The insults were playground in her mind and even then, she didn’t take well to them. Ares grabbed Serenity by the waist, trying to get her to come with him without a fuss one more time, until he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise with the sound of his mother’s chillingly calm voice.

“Ares,” she said, making his hazel eyes flick up at her with a harsh nervousness to them. “Get the bitch off of my porch if you know what’s good for you.”

“Don’t worry, Mother,” Ares said with a tight lips. “I do.” 

With that, Ares prepared himself to be yelled at and hit as he grabbed a hold of Serenity and picked her up off of the ground, tossing her a little over his shoulder as he pinned her there, locking her legs against his stomach and started to carry her away.

[ares-carnahan]

Serenity bristled at the woman’s response, not even deigning a response to her. She wondered if it was because she saw Serenity so low on the totem pole or if it was a way to taunt her son. Either way it was a good way to get Serenity riled up. She felt Ares’ hand on her arm and she didn’t really blame him. This was one of those instances where her trying would only be two seconds of thought before she burst out in anger. 

She didn’t fight his grip at this moment, but still glared at the woman. “You look a lot worse in person than I imagined. I only have these vague memories of you, you know? I don’t remember you giving a damn about me before. Maybe you should just mind your own business, not like you have much at all now.” 

Ares could feel the tension in Serenity’s body just by the way he was holding onto her. He was not looking forward to this and he was even less enthused by the fact this could ruin Serenity’s mood for a long period of time. If this escalated any further, he knew Eladora would come after her and not just directly. She’d make her life hell in ways that not even Ares could predict. That was the way her conniving personality migrated through life. She had enough connections and friends in the Capitol tow here Serenity’s reputation would get a little bit more tarnished overtime. The only reason Fell didn’t was because everyone knew who he was and what he was capable of and he had nothing else to lose except for him. 

“Serenity.” Ares said her name through his teeth as she started to bite back her words toward his mother. “Serenity, let’s go.” 

Eladora only huffed out a dull, amused laugh at Serenity’s quips before taking a sip of her coffee, her long, plum colored nails tapping on the mug as she sat there with it between her palms, looking Serenity up and down as if to size her up. Eladora was in her late fifties now, having had Persephone in her early twenties. Ares was well aware that while she wasn’t the Career she used to be, she could still make people hurt if she wanted to. There was a reason she was still friends with Platinum Rosseau -- the two of them were the Careers’ worst of the worst while simultaneously being everything the Districts ever wanted them to be.

“Tame your bitch, Ares,” she said with disinterest. “She’s probably in heat.”

The dog references were uncalled for and it made Ares’s blood boil, but he knew that if this continued, she’d make Serenity snap so he grabbed a hold of his girlfriend by the middle, trying to pull her to his chest to get her keep walking.

“Let’s go,” he hissed at her.

[ares-carnahan]

Serenity was about to make a comment about how she could help him if he wanted when an unfamiliar voice reached her ears. She looked over at the house they were passing to see a remarkably well-put together woman lounging in a rocking chair as if she owned the entire world. 

Realizing that this was Ares’ mother, Serenity’s anger came back full force, but with another fuel–what this woman had done to her son. Even the way she called him ‘boy’ pissed her off. It wasn’t really the kind of thing one would want their mother to call them. She had seen Eladora Carnahan before, in old interviews and the Games tapes they watched in the Academy, but she steered clear of the woman not really uttering more than two words at a time to her over the past seven years. 

“Or he can make sure that it heals properly,” Serenity rebutted, taking a step towards the porch where the woman sat. “You know be responsible for yourself and your actions.”

Ares wasn’t comfortable standing around here for too long. It brought back too many memories of her violence against him, with her throwing him out into thunderstorms and snow and letting some of his sisters have turns on bullying him. Seraphina had been the only one with a clean track record and as far as he knew, she had escaped that house a long time ago. He heard from her once in a while, but she had a busy life elsewhere and he was glad for that. 

Eladora, on the other hand, never thought she did anything wrong. She had always been much harder on him than she ever was to the girls. Even as Persephone disowned her, Seraphina left, and Mikala and Leta had grown more distant, she still think she did right by them and it was grotesque. Still, as she spoke, Ares couldn’t help feel a stiff chill go down his spine and he reached out to snatch a hold of his girlfriend’s arm to hold her still, to keep her from going any further toward Eladora.

Eladora looked down at Serenity as she scolded her, brow lightly raised as her eyes flicked from her to her son. 

“I didn’t know you let your sex toy speak for you like that,” Eladora taunted.

“Serenity, let’s go,” Ares said tightly through tense lips as he held tight to Serenity to make sure she didn’t lunge. 

[ares-carnahan]

She didn’t realize it was such a big fucking deal, but there was a part of her that knew that her harping wasn’t going to get anything done. Even so, she rolled her eyes. “Alright. I believe that you don’t think you need it. But, I’m going to call the doctor to ask if its a mandatory medication or one that you can take whenever. It’ll give me peace of mind.” As much as she wasn’t a fan of pain medication, Censa instilled her a healthy respect for medical professionals and to take their word seriously. 

At that point, Serenity was able to drop it. She wanted to stay in those sweet moments, but the real world demanded some things sometimes. She squeezed his hand, hoping he knew she wasn’t mad at him. “What do you want to do for the rest of the day? Since you’re feeling better we could do something more than just lounging around…?”

Serenity’s tone of voice was suggesting she was far from happy with his response, but that was something he wasn’t willing to wiggle on. He wasn’t feeling horrible and his headaches weren’t as bad as they once were. To make him take that pill was basically telling him to get brain surgery for a headache. Ares wasn’t the type to take a lot of medicine unless he absolutely needed to. He was vehemently against it. 

“Okay,” Ares sighed as he walked with her, his fingers lacing with hers. “If that’ll help you, then sure. I just don’t like taking medicine that I don’t believe that I need.”

He continued down the sidewalk, paying little mind to the houses and nearly forgetting what part of the Village they were in. Serenity distracted him with another question and he looked to her and gave a haphazard shrug. “I’m okay with lounging, but if you want to get out and do something, I need to make sure to clean the stitches first,” he said as he made a flippant gesture toward his face. 

“Or you can suck it up, boy.”

Ares froze, his head immediately arching up to find that a once empty porch was now replaced with his mother’s image, her cup of coffee in hand with steam rising off of the top, a shawl over her shoulders and looking as regal as she always was. She took very good care of herself to make sure she presented a fine image. Her nails were always manicured, she always had a face of makeup on and her hair was done subtly as if she were planning on a relaxing day instead of a night out in the Capitol. 

“Good morning, mother,” Ares said tightly. 

Eladora said nothing as she rocked gently on the chair she was in and took a quick sip of her coffee.

[ares-carnahan]

She relaxed in his arms while they kissed. Serenity could feel it in the way he moved his muscles that the reassurance was what he needed. He might not have needed the third degree from her, but it certainly helped her understand a little better. There was only a small lingering of what else he could possibly be hiding, but she was sure he would tell her if there was anything. 

“Yeah, but I can tell that you like the PDA a little too much,” she returned. “Don’t expect it to happen too often.” With that she put her hand in his. She smiled up at him and nodded. Serenity walked in step with Ares as best as she could. It had been quite the rollercoaster of emotion but it seemed like they would be okay. “Do you think this means you’ll take your medication?” she asked, not knowing when to stop.

Ares raised an eyebrow at her, a smile appearing on his lips when she gave him that quip. So much for the sweet moment, he thought. Still, even after she gave him shit for it, she took his hand and started walking with him. They made the trip around the end of the cul-de-sac and down the other way to finish their walk. He hadn’t realized they had been talking for so long and walked so far, but he was glad for her company and to be able to talk these things out. Hopefully, she would understand that he hadn’t meant to hurt her, that it was for his own paranoia and it was his way of trying to work through his trauma. 

Then, she spoke again about his medication and he huffed a sigh, lifting his head toward the sky in frustration. “I’d rather not,” Ares told her as he cast her a warning glance. He didn’t want her to harp on him about it. The last thing he wanted was to pump himself full of medication again. He had slept enough. “I’m not in a lot of pain right now. Just headaches off and on. I don’t need the strong stuff.”

[ares-carnahan]

“I need you to know that I just want to see you. I can’t handle plenty and you know that. Not many people do. There are plenty of things that every single person in the world can’t handle. You don’t have to talk about it everyday, just please tell me when you’re feeling bad so I can help. That’s all you have to do. I am just not good at keeping my intense emotions bottled inside and I can’t imagine what it’s like to do that.” 

Serenity pulled him to a stop, lacing her hands in each of his. She took a breath, looking around at the empty cul-de-sac. No one was here, but it was in the public. “I like you, quite a bit. You’re amazing because you can get past these things. Please understand that while I might be brutally honest or not traditionally caring, I want to help and am not judging you on your demons.”

With that, she wrapped her arms around his waist and stood on the tips of her toes to give Ares a long kiss. Serenity was willing to compromise on some things, if it meant that she could give Ares more peace of mind. (Was that love?). “See I can change,” she said as she pulled away from the kiss.

Ares didn’t expect Serenity to stop him at the end of the street, her hands meeting his between them and looking up at him with genuine concern and confidence. She was far from the type to do that, so he stood and listened when she opened up like that. Ares seemed to visibly relax as she spoke to him, unwavering and fearless in her words. He nodded his head at her, understanding her completely as she finished. 

Before long, her back straightened and her chin tilted up and he knew what that meant. Ares smiled a little at her before bending down to meet her and kissing her back. Habitually, Ares put one hand on her lower back, the other partially on her rear. As they kissed in front of the occupants of the end of the street, they eventually broke their kiss and he was left feeling a little better.

"Only change a little bit," Ares teased. "I love the way you have always been." He stood up, removing his hands mostly from behind his woman before offering his hand to her, seeing if she would take it. "Time for the walk back?"

[ares-carnahan]

“Okay then you can be vulnerable every seven years, Ares,” she muttered a little bitterly. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the frustration that was bubbling in her chest. Serenity wished she wasn’t prone to such intense emotion, it was tiring and not helpful a lot of time. But, could she help it? She bit her lip and let out a breath. “I think that’s my point, Ares. You do not have to do it alone.”

She followed Ares’ glance but turned back forward before he did. “It’s not the memory thing Ares, that I completely understand. You didn’t know what was going on, but still I could’ve helped you. What I don’t get is not telling me about your panic attacks. You know that there are days where I absolutely cannot go into the city or even look out my window at it. You know that I worry about my sister and how sweet she is. If I had anything like that I would’ve told you.” 

She took a large breath. “I’ll be here for you when you need me. When you have panic attacks I will help you as much as I can. I just would prefer to not be surprised about something so major like that. It makes me wonder how long you thought this was going to last if you were not going to tell me. Only long enough where you wouldn’t have had one?” 

Serenity was getting bitter and she hated it. Why couldn’t she be helpful, caring, kind? How come that didn’t come easily to her. She tried though, she stopped talking, wanting her next words not to be ones that were all about her.

Ares listened, as he normally did. He wasn’t a person who was readily willing to talk about his problems. Even when he lived with Fell, he was having a hard time telling him what his mother did to him, what was going on at school, anything about his life that might cause him to be upset. Fell was one of those people that if he had gotten too stressed or angry, he knew the consequences of it. Perhaps that was also something that had been ingrained in him too by Fell. Fear the consequences if he told him something that happened to him. 

“I know, Serenity, and I’m sorry,” said Ares with a heavy breath. “I don’t like talking about it to anybody. Fell was the only one who knew until this, so… it isn’t just you, alright? I don’t like talking about how I hear voices in my head and think I’m back in my arena all of the time. Especially not to someone that I care about as much as I do for you. I don’t ever want you to see me as this… person… who’s not able to handle things.”

[ares-carnahan]

“What you’re describing isn’t trust. You’ve got to trust me enough to let me in. You shouldn’t have to worry about me thinking differently of you. You should trust me enough to know that I care about you. I yell at you because I fucking care.” Her feet stopped when his did and she made sure to stand at her full height and look him in the eye. She meant every word. “I might lash out people that wrong you, but you’ve got to trust me that I will try my hardest not to. Sometimes its inevitable. And it’s not to say that you’re fragile its because seeing you get hurt twice in the last couple of months fucking sucks.” 

She looked around at where they were and she found that they were down a street that she didn’t often wonder. Some of the older Careers lived down here and she wasn’t a fan of a lot of them. 

Serenity walked onwards with Ares, trying to think. This wasn’t something she could convince Ares of. He had to accept it. And it would be hard for them to get anywhere if he didn’t. Sure, she didn’t like being vulnerable or soft of any of those things. But, she’d rather have Ares around than  not being those things. 

“The problem is if you decide to push someone away rather than let them in, there’s more of a chance that someone will leave. Caring for someone and stubbornness can only work for so long.” It was harsh and she didn’t mean it as something that would happen. It was just the reality.

Ares didn’t want to get frustrated. He really didn’t. They kept walking and Serenity kept talking, but he understood why. She was trying to help him and get through to him but it was only so helpful. Ares had a hard time accepting that people were going to see him one way and there was nothing he could do to change that. His face was only a face. He was still the same person he had always been, but his entire childhood was based on appearances and what his mother wanted. He lived his entire childhood thinking that everything he did had to please her, even when he didn’t live up to those expectations. He was heavily abused by her to the point of going days without food, locked in rooms, beaten, and yet he still attempted to please her.

That is until he escaped one night in a thunderstorm and ended up on the back porch of the newest Victor. At the time, Ares didn’t know he had moved in there. He wasn’t put out in the spotlight enough to know who or where their newest Victors lived. Fell had just won his Games, an eighteen-year-old kid who lost everything, and he still took him inside as Ares came down with a cold. He was eleven, then. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say to that, Serenity, I’m trying,” he said. “I mean, hell, you know I let you in when I admitted everything to you a couple months ago. That is pretty fucking vulnerable if you ask me. It’s just some things I don’t know how to talk to people about. Not even Fell. I’m just… I think I’m just used to still dealing with my emotions and my problems on my own…”

Ares cast another glance over his shoulder at his mother’s house as they passed it. Still no one on the front porch. Usually she was out on the porch drinking her coffee this early. He was surprised that she hadn’t been, but they still had the cul-de-sac to walk around before they came back this way and that made him nervous. 

“This is different though,” Ares added on. “I didn’t want to say anything about my memory because I wasn’t sure if it really was what it was. It’s all messed up, Serenity and it’s something I can’t help. It has nothing to do with whether I trust you or not, which I do.”

[ares-carnahan]

“I sure as hell did,” she replied, nothing but resignation in her voice. “Even if it wasn’t the main cause, it sure as hell didn’t help.” She grimaced at the fact that she didn’t know what was going on with him. Usually she did, Serenity could read him pretty well. But, there was so much he wasn’t saying to her.

She moved her gaze from the end of the road up to Ares’ eyes. “You shouldn’t keep all of that on the inside. It’s easier to deal with when someone knows what’s going on. I don’t want to find out this way about what’s going on with you. It…” she swallowed, very against sharing her vulnerable feelings, but knowing it would at least help Ares. “…it makes me feel like you don’t trust me. And I want you to. You’re not in this alone.”

Her eyes fell on his bandage. “Oh and for the record, you shouldn’t worry about your face. You’re going to look very rugged and handsome with a scar. On the plus, you might have less clients because of it.”

Ares frowned, looking to her once again. He wanted to slow down on the sidewalk and have this conversation with her, but he needed to keep walking. He needed to be doing something else other than thinking and talking because he knew what kind of damage that would lead to. Ares was used to Fell knowing exactly what to do when he freaked out. After all, Ares couldn’t stay in his own mansion for almost three years after he won his Games due to the fear of being alone in an empty house. So he continuously stayed with Fell after that time, only using his mansion if he needed any private time. Most of the time, he still utilized his old bedroom in the older mentor’s house. 

Serenity’s hesitation in her words made Ares pause, stopping on the street to let her get it out. He frowned. He never meant to make her feel that way. Ares did trust her, but she wasn’t a person full of emotion and she wasn’t sure how she’d handle that. Plus, it said more to Ares’s own fears about her. It was more on him than it was on her, even if he had a hard time admitting that to himself. If he had the choice, he would claim it to be a freak of nature feeling. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Serenity,” Ares said, keeping his hand against her. “It’s just… when it comes to you, I’m worried all the time. Worried that you might think of me differently or that you might lash out at someone who did something to me. I’m not fragile. I can handle most things thrown my way, it’s just… you know I have a lot of baggage to work through. And, you know, the majority of that is abandonment issues.”

When he said that, he became fully aware that they were stopped in the road and he looked up and around, realizing quickly as his heart sank that they were only a few paces away from his mother’s house across the street. She wasn’t out there, but he didn’t want to be anywhere near that woman if he could help it.

“Let’s keep moving,” Ares said quickly as he ushered his girlfriend away, hoping that his mother hadn’t seen them talking from her front window. Lord knows she was nosy as hell.

[ares-carnahan]

“No, it’s okay. I will be fine for now. A walk won’t kill me,” she replied, moving her hand from off of his stomach to brush some hair out of her face. She wasn’t worried about looks or anyone seeing her in her sports bra, she would go on runs in the middle of the summer with just that and a pair of shorts on. 

She appreciated the hand on her shoulder and was thankful for how much bigger he was than her for the hundredth time. It was full of care and even though she was the one that was supposed to be taking care of him, Serenity let it happen. 

Her thoughts caught up with her as they walked down the street. It was quiet and clear which led to crowded minds. “I caused that didn’t I?” she breathed through her nose, staring straight ahead. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just wanted what’s best for you.”

Ares nodded, even if he didn’t quite believe her. He knew better than to argue with her, even though she had no problem arguing back at him for things that he should or shouldn’t be doing. It was part of a life with her, knowing that there were things that he couldn’t do around her that she had full capability of doing in return. It didn’t matter to him in the long run, but it was frustrating at times. These times, however, weren’t worth the argument.

Ares was quiet as they continued walking, letting his arm drape around her shoulders to keep her as warm as possible. Except in that silence came a thought, and it wasn’t from him. He looked down at her, brow creased as she questioned him. It was strange to hear her so resigned to the fact that she did something wrong. For once, it wasn’t even true. Ares shook his head and gave her shoulders a squeeze.

“No,” Ares told her. “No, it wasn’t you. I think the argument started it, but…” He paused again, trying to think of the best way to explain it. After a few seconds, he continued. “...I think just the argument and me being frustrated at what’s been happening with my memory and worrying about my face and how people are going to look at me is what caused it more than anything. It’s nothing you did or said, in particular. I have been dealing with it for a while on my own ever since I got out of the hospital. So don’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything.”