ardently-queer

[ardently-queer]

Genuinely what is the point of genderneutral!reader if you’re just going to assign the reader body traits associated with whiteness in the end?

Like why does being neutral only stop at gender? If your goal is to be inclusive, then why not be neutral with race/body descriptors as well?

To be clear, I am not demanding anything of anyone. As a writer, you’re free to write however you wish and portray the reader however you see fit. But as a black reader, I cannot help but wonder why this is such a common occurrence in gender neutral reader inserts (and well, reader inserts in GENERAL, to be honest). Are you trying to cater to a general audience or not?

Also, why block me then sub post about me @thewritetofreespeech for providing feedback when your blog rules literally state “Feedback and comments are not required, but encouraged.” I was very respectful and only wanted to suggest how you could make your readers feel more included, but I see you’ve received it as hate instead, something that I’m learning is rather typical of white women in fandom spaces when it comes to any form of critique.

[ardently-queer]

I went to the forest that makes you have multiple pronouns and accidentally touched some poison ivy there

[ardently-queer]

it’s not about being a warden, it’s about being family.

(thematic companion to a heavy leaf to turn)

[ardently-queer]

A PSA about the latest Vulture article to drop about Neil Gaiman -

Do not fucking read it if you are not in a stable state of mind.

Triggers include, but dare I say, are not limited to -

Sexual assault and misconduct

Anal, digital, oral, and vaginal rape

Forced urine/faeces consumption

Vomit/forced vomit consumption

Financial abuse

Gaslighting and manipulation

Sexual conduct in front of a minor

Sexual humiliation and degradation

Disordered eating, anorexia, and bulemia

Suicide, suicidal ideation

Self-harm

Child abuse

Scientology

Most of these things are discussed in explicit detail multiple times.

It's harrowing and heartbreaking to read. Even if these are not specifically triggers of yours, I beg, take a second to really have a think about whether you're in a place to take this on.

[ardently-queer]

Snowball in Hell, acrylics, 30cmx20cm

I used a random piece of wire to paint the smallest details..!

[ardently-queer]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

[ardently-queer]

"What good, this heart of stone, for it to be shattered?"

[ardently-queer]

im just not attracted to anyone or anything ever. until i am.

[ardently-queer]

[ardently-queer]

It's such an amazing feeling when someone picks up on something in your writing that you 100% intended but didn't think people would notice. Like, YES!! My writing properly conveyed the thing it was supposed to!!! You are so awesome for noticing that!!! I am so awesome for writing that!!! I feel so good about my story now!!!!

[ardently-queer]

i think maybe we could spend less time thinking about things that make us angry and more time thinking about other stuff

[ardently-queer]

i will never understand the emphasis society places on romantic relationships. why is the ideal future always portrayed as living with your significant other in a happy, committed, romantic relationship? why is there a whole holiday dedicated towards romantic love? i've heard so many people i know say that they're so lonely because they aren't in a romantic relationship, and i can't help but wonder how are they lonely with so many friends around them? so many things have become romanticized to the point where people no longer think it's socially acceptable to do them with friends. maybe people would feel less lonely then if it was normal to hold hands with people, to give them your sweaters, to lay together on the couch while watching a show. human connection is so so so important. i will never understand how is it that in a world full of love, we only seem to idolize one part of it.

[ardently-queer]

doin some gesture practice and sketched a quick isa

[ardently-queer]

bro i LOVE indigenous fusion music i love it when indigenous people take traditional practices and language and apply them in new cool ways i love the slow decay and decolonisation of the modern music industry

[ardently-queer]

This can’t just be me, right?

[ardently-queer]

...oh. that. Explains. A lot of things about the mess I'm making of my life right now, yes.

I realized the other day that the reason I didn't watch much TV as a teenager (and why I'm only now catching up on late aughts/early teens media that I missed), is because I literally didn't understand how to use our TV. My parents got a new system, and it had three remotes with a Venn diagram of functions. If someone left the TV on an unfamiliar mode, I didn't know how to get back to where I wanted to be, so I just stopped watching TV on my own altogether.

I explained all this to my therapist, because I didn't know if this was more related to my then-unnoticed autism, or to my relationship with my parents at the time (we had issues less/unrelated to neurodivergency). She told me something interesting.

In children's autism assessments, a common test is to give them a straightforward task that they cannot reasonably perform, like opening an overtight jar. The "real" test is to see, when they realize that they cannot do it on their own, if they approach a caregiver for help. Children that do not seek help are more likely to be autistic than those that do.

This aligns with the compulsory independence I've noticed to be common in autistic adults, particularly articulated by those with lower support needs and/or who were evaluated later in life. It just genuinely does not occur to us to ask for help, to the point that we abandon many tasks that we could easily perform with minor assistance. I had assumed it was due to a shared common social trauma (ie bad experiences with asking for help in the past), but the fact that this trait is a childhood test metric hints at something deeper.

My therapist told me that the extremely pathologizing main theory is that this has something to do with theory of mind, that is doesn't occur to us that other people may have skills that we do not. I can't speak for my early childhood self, or for all autistic people, but I don't buy this. Even if I'm aware that someone else has knowledge that I do not (as with my parents understanding of our TV), asking for help still doesn't present itself as an option. Why?

My best guess, using only myself as a model, is due to the static wall of a communication barrier. I struggle a lot to make myself understood, to articulate the thing in my brain well enough that it will appear identically (or at least close enough) in somebody else's brain. I need to be actively aware of myself and my audience. I need to know the correct words, the correct sentence structure, and a close-enough tone, cadence, and body language. I need draft scripts to react to possible responses, because if I get caught too off guard, I may need several minutes to construct an appropriate response. In simple day-to-day interactions, I can get by okay. In a few very specific situations, I can excel. When given the opportunity, I can write more clearly than I am ever capable of speaking.

When I'm in a situation where I need help, I don't have many of my components of communication. I don't always know what my audience knows. I don't have sufficient vocabulary to explain what I need. I don't know what information is relevant to convey, and the order in which I should convey it. I don't often understand the degree of help I need, so I can come across inappropriately urgent or overly relaxed. I have no ability to preplan scripts because I don't even know the basic plot of the situation.

I can stumble though with one or two deficiencies, but if I'm missing too much, me and the potential helper become mutually unintelligible. I have learned the limits of what I can expect from myself, and it is conceptualized as a real and physical barrier. I am not a runner, so running a 5k tomorrow does not present itself as an option to me. In the same way, if I have subconscious knowledge that an interaction is beyond my capability, it does not present itself as an option to me. It's the minimum communication requirements that prevent me from asking for help, not anything to do with the concept of help itself.

Maybe. This is the theory of one person. I'm curious if anyone else vibes with this at all.

[ardently-queer]

Happy theatrical release day for Wicked! I was able to watch it last night and I bawled my eyes out. I have waited so long for a film adaptation and I loved the performances from the cast. I put the soundtrack on the next day and I am STILL crying. So anyway, I thought I'd share some interior art from the two Little Golden Books I illustrated. I am so chuffed to see the books being promoted so much especially since this is a musical that is so near and dear to my heart 💚🩷