arcanee

[arcanee]

i'm not give it to the person who don't appreciate me.

[arcanee]

until i can't holding it back anymore

[arcanee]

i gave so many sign. i do whatever you say yet i'm still not good enough.

[arcanee]

the fear of being left behind is haunting me.

[arcanee]

Dinning room, 18 June

21:36

i'm still the same. such an overthinker.

i overthink a lot. these days i overthink my future too much that i might trown up if i think about it. i start to compare myself with everyone around me. family, friends, partner. i feel so useless.

i didn't even know what i want, i didn't know what to do after graduate. life seems dark here, and i'm alone (again).

i'm too scared to start something and don't know where to start, i know cried didn't solve the problem. should i give up? if i go with the flow does it mean i give up? i don't wanna become a teacher.

[arcanee]

Dinning room, 18 June 2024

Selasa 21:25

after such a long time i didn't write anything about myself in here, so here i am, sitting at the dinning room alone obviously. a lot of things happend. mom? she's married with the person she's been dating for 2 years and half. dad? he still the same. he brought me a bucket, money bucket for my birthday. i thought my birthday will never feel excited as it was. but this year, i have a boyfriend.

you hear right, the same girl that pray for have a boyfriend but also scared to fall in love, finally had a partner and she's never feel happier.

we fight, we hug, we fell in love in each other arms. he's incredible, he's everything to me.

[arcanee]

{Quotes by : Alain de Botton from Essays in Love/ excerpted from Eden Robinson's "Writing Prompts for the Broken-Hearted, in Brick Literary Journal}

[arcanee]

-Bylthe baird, if my body could speak

[arcanee]

Wordy by aavfvl

[arcanee]

[arcanee]

i hate to accept that i am desperate in love, i hate the fact that i still blaming my parents for their divorced and effected me with the trauma and anxiety. i hate the fact that i almost do everything but no one see it. i hate myself for being so out loud and overreact. and i hate myself because all i can do is cry. i'm trying to understand everyone's struggle but no one is trying to understand mine.

[arcanee]

one day, just one day I'll living my quiet life

[arcanee]

i keep questioning myself do i want relationship or it's just because i'm bored. honestly i still scared of commitment but seeing my friend one by one find their love, i do feel afraid if i'm not gonna find my lover.

when nobody ask me out, i do feel something's wrong with me, and when somebody ask me out, i keep push their away because i don't wanna hurt them.

[arcanee]

the time that you said you want me, i do believe you. I do.

[arcanee]

kesedihan menimpa kita secara acak, bukan? entah bagaimana kali ini dia menemukan ku lagi

[arcanee]

I just don't what to say no more

[arcanee]

"i am fluent in silence"

"So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me for I, too, am fluent in silence."

~R. Arnold