I wanted to egg someone’s house because I wanted to see what it would feel like, but I didn’t want to get in trouble so I decided to egg my own house. I had a really hard time throwing the eggs far enough to hit the house and they all landed in the bushes instead. I saw my grandma watching from the window upstairs and she looked very disappointed. I started crying and woke up with actual tears in my eyes.
as a kid I never appreciated the comedic genius of my elementary school principal, who, whenever our school won against another school in a sport, would play what felt like 2 minutes of “we are the champions” over the PA during announcements, and just as it’s going “cuz we are the champions…of” he’d hit stop and his deadpan voice over the PA system would go “Brampton.”