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Flawed virtues meta

Here's some thoughts about the relationship novel Javier x Lloyd | Suho in my fic "Generosity...", that is part of the Flawed virtues series

is under read more because it got long, but basically is an explanation from a Lloyd | Suho point of view, that we didn't get to see much for reasons.

Before novel Javier (Lapel) confessed to him, Lloyd's thoughts were on Javier already

For Lloyd, those feelings were secret, one sided and absolutely unrequited, and it became too obvious after novel Javier (Lapel) pointed it out

It hurt to understand that Javier wasn't interested in him (at least, that's what Lloyd understood at that moment), if he ignored his feelings for so many years without making any kind of comment or, well, doing something. Anything.

But then, novel Javier (Lapel) confessed

That was the first confession Lloyd got in his life, both as Lloyd and as Kim Suho, so he was torn between feeling impossibly flattered about one person liking him that way and that said person was the protagonist that he loved so much, on top of everything.

And also feeling like he should accept those feelings, just out of spite because of what he realized, that Javier knew about his feelings and decided to ignore them.

Of course, Lloyd is smart enough to understand that saying 'yes' out of nowhere would be deceiving to both himself and novel Javier (Lapel)

But he couldn't just reject novel Javier (Lapel), the guy looked absolutely miserable, how was he going to say 'no'? Besides, again, he was feeling extremely flattered too.

And so, he made novel Javier (Lapel) wait, because, what else could he do? He needed time to think about basically everything

While he tortured himself thinking over and over and over again; Would it be a good idea? Was he seeing novel Javier (Lapel) as a separate person or as a shadow of the Javier he knew?

Would be deceiving accept those feelings and then realize he did that just out of spite?

Or it was because he was lonely too?

But then, even at the time he was still waiting, novel Javier (Lapel) was nice. Plain nice. He never made weird comments, he treated him well.

Way better than other people, even the ones that wanted things from him.

Lloyd started noticing things about him too, how novel Javier (Lapel) was always looking at him, how he moved around, opened doors for him since day one, jumped in to silently threaten whoever talked bad to him, something Javier (webtoon Javier) never did

He saw him smile, to him, just to him, and look stern and gloomy to everyone else (this example happened later but Lloyd did notice before, he just thought was his mind playing tricks on him)

And those things gave him hope, maybe there was someone that actually could like him? For who he was?

So he said yes to the relationship, still being reserved bc he thought this thing would be taking time and probably novel Javier (Lapel) was going to step back in a few days, once he knew him better.

But instead of that novel Javier (Lapel) was actively trying to make it work. He was physical with him almost immediately, holding his hands, kissing him, telling him the things he liked about him, things that Lloyd never considered would be good about himself.

Novel Javier (Lapel) liking him made him realize that there were good things about him.

Novel Javier (Lapel) liking him made Lloyd start liking himself.

And being the first positive interest he got in his life, Lloyd was smitten quite soon.

Besides, with the war happening around them, there was a constant feeling of urgency too. And that definitely affected their relationship by making them go faster than what would have been, given other circumstances.

Still, Lloyd saw how novel Javier (Lapel) remained at his side, and trusted him without questioning his decisions.

He asked, yes, but because Lapel was always complimenting him about how smart he was, and he wanted to learn.

And also because he liked his voice, for some reason. And Lloyd was too flattered to discuss against that.

"Once we get to Piyver we are going to do -this- and -this-." "I understand. What do you need me to do?" "Just stay at the side and let me do all the talking. Even if things get violent." "I can't do that. I'm not going to let anyone touch you if it is to hurt you." "I'm going to be fine, I've been punched before." "… but why— no…" "I deserved it." "Even if you did, nobody should be hurting you. I won't let anyone, not even myself, to hurt you from now on. So please forgive me in advance for getting in between if someone tries to attack you." "Sometimes it's necessary to take a hit, you know?" "Then let them hit me. I'm used to it after all. But you— you are too important to me, I can't let you be hurt and much less let that happen in front of me. What kind of partner would I be, if I allow for the person I'm courting to be insulted or assaulted in my presence?" "… I guess— I guess you're right…"

It was basic courtesy, honestly, but Lloyd fell quite fast because novel Javier (Lapel) was -sadly- the first person that treated him both with respect and loving intentions.

Novel Javier (Lapel) fell hard because he was lonely and Lloyd was the first person that taught him how to enjoy the little, silliest things in life.

Lloyd fell harder because novel Javier (Lapel) was the first person that openly confessed and actively seeked for his affection, and presented himself as a good, reliable partner, that just wanted to protect him and make him happy.

Novel Javier (Lapel) fell harder because Lloyd defied the gods and the whole world for him; Lloyd tried, learned, grew, allowed himself to be loved and above all, accepted him to be at his side.

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Generosity isn't always a virtue by Rislyann

Summery:

On his last journey, the knight of blood and iron, Javier Asrahan, encounters a person who should not exist. Why is young Master Lloyd alive? And, most importantly, why isn't he drunk?

Fandom/-s: 역대급 영지 설계사 | The Greatest Estate Developer (Webcomic)

Relationship/-s: Javier Asrahan/Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera; novel! Javier Asrahan/Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera

Characters: Javier Asrahan; Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera

Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Graphic Depictions Of Violence; novel!Javier Asrahan meets Kim Suho | Lloyd Frontera; Kim Suho is honest to novel!Javier; there's a talk about dimensions; and the book; novel!Javier is touch deprived and sad; novel!Javier deserves a hug; also does Lloyd; mentions about m-preg; Top Javier Asrahan; Bottom Lloyd Frontera; could be explicit in the next chapters; MENTIONS ABOUT M PREG; don't forget about that; please; if you don't like that then this isn't for you im sorry; no beta we die like men; Don't copy to another site; mentions of webtoon Javier Asrahan; mentions of Kim Suho having feelings for webtoon Javier Asrahan; novel!Javier is like a lost puppy and will take anything to stay with Lloyd

Rating: Explicit

Status: Complete

Words: 46 440

Extra: The story is behind a blue lock, which means that you aren't able to read it unless you have an ao3 account.

[appledawn3464-blog]

My favourite trope has to be:

I sacrificed myself to save you. I didn't plan to survive. I burnt all the bridges. I intended to break your heart with my death, but that would be all right, because I wouldn't be around to see you. I pretended that you'll mourn me for a while and move on. I convinced myself I was going down in the blaze of glory. That my deed was appreciated. That everything was going to be all right afterwards, and I didn't need to be there to see it.

But I survived. And now I have to look you in the eye. I have to pick up the pieces of the life I shattered and figure out how to put it back together. If it can be done at all.

[appledawn3464-blog]

This is cannon in my heart <3