apple-kiwi
🫐‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪🪻 ִֶָ☾.
153 posts
Age:23Ult bias: Kim's Seungmin You can call me Apple or KiwiI listen to SKZ, TXT, ITZY, AESPA, and a little bit of RIIZE, ENHYPEN, and New Jeans
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
apple-kiwi ¡ 2 days ago
Text
For me, writing fics is doable but the first sentence paragraph might as well be hell
1 note ¡ View note
apple-kiwi ¡ 3 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
Skz Calling You Clingy Part 2
Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.
Part 1
Authors note: I tried to finish it fast but, you know, life. I tagged everyone who asked for a part 2. I will start the other members at some point.
Warning: none I think
Taglist: @jazziwritesthings @luckymilkshakerebel @lcmonriize @galaxy4489
Word count: 963
It's been 3 days since he snapped at you. You've been giving him space like he asked, not going to the door when he comes home, not asking him about his day, not texting him reminding him to eat and drink enough water, and not clinging onto him before going to sleep. You still cook dinner for him, your mind wouldn't leave you alone unless you knew he had a warm home-cooked meal at the end of the day, however, you no longer try bringing him the food, you just leave it covered on the table for him to eat when he comes home. You've been so distant with him that it feels like walking on eggshells whenever you are in the same room.
Seungmin had been feeling extremely guilty for snapping at you. He regretted it ever since the moment it happened but he was stubborn and prideful and hated having to admit when he was wrong. But with each day that passed, he could tell how hurt you were, and it was eating him up inside. His heart ached every time he came home to find the house quiet, with no sign of you even being there. It felt like he was living alone, and he hated it. He missed your presence, your voice, your laughter, everything about you.
Tonight was the same as the past 3 nights. He came home from practice late and found dinner on the table, but there was no sign of you, you must've been asleep already, he thought. He sat at the table and began to eat, the food was good but cold, you must've made it a while ago.
He ate it all anyway.
After finishing his meal, Seungmin sat there for a few minutes, staring at the empty chair across from him. He really wished you were sitting there right now, talking to him about your day, or just sitting in comfortable silence. He could no longer deny it, something needed to be fixed. Seungmin needed to talk to you, apologize, and make things right again. With a heavy heart, he forced himself to get up and head to the bedroom. Opening the door quietly, he looked around the room and spotted a lump under the covers, confirming you were asleep.
Seungmin moved closer to the edge of the bed, sitting down gently so he wouldn't wake you up. He took a moment to just look at your peaceful sleeping form and it made his heart ache even more. You were always sleeping by the time he came home nowadays. You were avoiding him, it was all his fault for lashing out.
Taking a deep breath, he spoke quietly, "Hey… Are you awake?” He waited a few seconds for you to respond but you stayed motionless and silent. He wasn't sure if you were pretending to be asleep, but he decided just to talk anyway, "I know you're mad at me… And you have every right to be. I was being an ass when I yelled at you. I'm really sorry." He paused for a moment, taking another deep breath before continuing.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was just tired and in a bad mood… That's no excuse though. I was being a jerk to you for no reason… I understand if you don't wanna talk to-"
He was cut off when you rolled over and threw yourself onto him.
Seungmin's heart skipped a beat as you suddenly threw yourself onto him. He was caught off guard at first, but quickly wrapped his arms around you, holding you against his chest tightly. He could feel you shaking slightly in his arms, and he gently began running a hand over your back in a soothing manner.
"I'm sorry… I'm really sorry." He repeated softly as he cradled you in his arms, feeling the guilt and regret weighing on him heavily.
“I know…and I forgive you.”
Seungmin tightened his hold on you, his heart swelling with relief at your words. You forgave him… and he was so grateful for that. He pulled back a bit to look down at your face, cupping your cheek gently. His eyes searched for any hint of anger or lingering hurt but there was none. Seeing your tired, yet slightly tear-stained face, his heart ached. He reached up with his other hand to gently brush away a few stray tears on your cheek.
"You're crying…" He mumbled softly, his thumb gently stroking your skin. "I really don't deserve you, do I…?" He let out a sigh, shifting slightly so he could lie down on the bed with you cradled in his arms.
“You're comfortable…it's making me sleepy…" You whisper, the sound muffled by his hoodie.
He continued to stroke your hair and caress your back soothingly, "Yeah? Then sleep… I'm not going anywhere."
“I love you…” You whisper to him
Seungmin's heart clenched at your words. Hearing those words from you again after all the coldness between you two hit him like a wave. He tightened his hold on you a bit more, pulling you even closer, and buried his face in your hair once more.
"I love you too.." he mumbled against your head, his voice filled with a mixture of regret, love, and relief. "So much… I really, really love you…"
Despite these past few days he didn't need to tell you he loved you because you would never doubt his love for you, and he would never doubt your love for him.
261 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 3 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
Skz Calling you clingy
Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.
Warning: Angst, stressed Seungmin, Hurt/no comfort
Authors note: This was supposed to be a drabble but turned into 800 words whoops. I want to do one for every member but no promises, also lmk if you want a part 2 but once again, no promises. Not proof read.
Word count: 797
Seungmin typically isn't one for physical affection. You knew this. He knew this. But there are some times when he allows it and even yearns for it. Those days are when you had a bad day or early in the mornings before he leaves for work. Little did you know, today was not one of those days. Today, you had a long day at work but decided to surprise Seungmin with his favorite meal, Kimchi Stew. It was a bit harder to make than you thought so it took a little longer than usual to get dinner done which was fine because he was coming home late. An hour had already passed by the time Seungmin arrived home. You heard him putting the keys in and went to stand by the door to greet him. Once he walked through the door you leaned forward to hug him but he pushed you away.
Oh. Okay…
He's not in the mood for affection right now.
“What's wrong…” You tentatively ask
Seungmin looked exhausted as he took off his coat and hung it up, "Nothing, just tired."
“I made dinner, it’s your favorite…”
Seungmin sighed and took off his shoes, "I'm not really hungry right now."
He didn't even look you in the eye as he walked past you to drop his bag down in the living room before coming back and going to the hallway by the stairs, "I'm gonna go take a shower." Normally he'll at least give you a hug and a small kiss on the forehead after arriving home, but he hasn't even given an extra glance your way. The bathroom door shuts slowly and the sound of the shower turning on is heard soon after. You don't put his food away just yet, hoping he would calm down and come to eat after he got out of the shower. Eventually, after about 20 minutes you heard the sound of the shower stop and Seungmin getting dressed, but he didn't exit the bathroom for a while. When he did he came out with a plain t-shirt and some sweatpants, his hair still wet.
"I’m gonna go lie down." He announced shortly, not looking at you as he made his way from the bathroom over to the bedroom. Before you could respond you heard the bedroom door click behind him and soon you were left all alone with your thoughts. You walk over to the kitchen and wrap up the food you make him before putting it in the fridge along with your own, having lost your appetite a while ago. Some time had passed by when you decided to go check on Seungmin. Knocking softly on the bedroom door, you slowly opened it and entered. Closing the door behind you quietly, you looked over to the bed where Seungmin was lying down and staring up at the ceiling. You thought that now would be the perfect time to get some love and affection from him, so you crawled into bed beside him and tried to cuddle into his side.
Seungmin tensed up slightly as you snuggled up beside him and you could tell he was not in the mood to mess around. Judging from the way he was clenching his fist, he looked pissed.
He didn't look at you when he spoke, "Oh my god! Can I have a fucking moment to myself for once! You've been fucking clinging to me ever since I got home!" Your face fell at his words and you sat up. Seungmin's outburst wasn't completely unexpected, but it still hurt. You had only been trying to show him some love and comfort, but it was clear that your actions had backfired and only made him angrier.
Seungmin sat up as well, his back against the headboard, and ran a hand through his hair, "I just came home after a long day of practice and all I want is to have some peace. Is that too much to ask for?"
"No…I’m sorry…" you mumble before shuffling away to lie down on the other side of the bed, your back now facing him. All you wanted to do was show your boyfriend some love after he got home but this is what you get instead.
Seungmin rolls his eyes and lets out an annoyed sigh, "God! Can you just leave me alone? Give me some space…please."
He laid back down and tucked an arm under his head as he stared up at the ceiling again. Eventually, he gets up again and says, "I'm going to sleep on the couch." Those were the last words he said before leaving the room. The second you hear the door shut you let your tears fall freely.
If he wants space then you'll give him space.
224 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 3 days ago
Text
when the fic has over 200 likes but only has 13 reblogs and not a single one of those reblogs are tagged
No but on a serious note, reblogs do nothing if they aren’t tagged because the tags are what make them show up on peoples blog, so thank you to everyone who reblogged and left a like but please please please put tags so other people can actually find it, if you dont feel like typing a bunch of tags you can just copy the tags the writer puts and past them straight into the tag sections
okay I’m done rambling now
7 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 3 days ago
Text
Today I saw fake texts where someone uses a slur just casually in conversation ._. I lost the post so I can't even message the author and be like hey that's....not cool ._.
Recently I've seen several concerning things, including slurs, racism, and sexualization of minors and whether fictional or not it's not okay. People read fics to escape and have a good time, how do you think someone's gonna feel reading about their favorite idol and then they get called a slur??? Or have one of their idols say some racist rhetoric against them???? And no adult should ever be thinking about minors in a sexual way, it's morally, ethically, and legally wrong.
You need to hold yourself accountable. If you think anything I said can apply to you, it's up to you to address and fix it. This is not okay.
61 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 4 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
part seven // serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader
WC: 13.6k
RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: seungmin's worst memory. death & murder. domestic/child abuse. medical settings, medication usage, hallucinations, & shared delusions. more murder. fluff...& sex.
COMMENTS: I reached 600 followers a few days ago, so thank you guys for liking my stuff enough to deal with me ♡
♡ please keep your comments, tags, & reblogs spoiler free for other readers!
♡ please support by reblogging
[ ML — DEITY MASTERLIST AND TAGLIST ]
TAGLIST: @kkamismom12/ @r0tt1n/ @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz / @reignessance
Tumblr media Tumblr media
𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟐𝟒𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟗
The rain stopped sometime during the night, but it pelted against the roof and windows, and it kept him awake for hours. Usually, the steady sound lulls him to sleep, but last night was different—there was nothing relaxing about that downpour. He does remember waking after his first time dozing off, though, and it was eerily silent with the sound of the rain suddenly gone. But he knows he heard something...it, right outside his window, walking around on the wet, muddy ground.
The first thing he does in the morning is run to his window to open the curtains and let the sun in. The second thing he does is look at the ground in front of the bushes. Deer tracks, he thinks. He’s not good with the local fauna, but he knows they aren’t human footprints. Seungmin doesn't know what lives in those woods, and he doesn’t go in anymore to find out.
Seungmin-ah!
“I’m up, I’m coming!” He quickly rifles through his drawer and pulls out a change of clothes. “I’m coming!” Just as he starts toward the door, he turns and heads back to his bed to throw the covers back up, fluff up his pillow, and grab Daengmo.
“Come get some breakfast”
The door creaks as he pulls it halfway shut, and he bolts down the long hallway toward the kitchen, slipping a little in his socks. Seungmin stops abruptly when he hears the door to his left swing open, and his stomach drops.
“Slow down”
He doesn’t want to look up at him, but he has to, so he gets it over with quickly. “I’m sorry…a—“ he stops himself. Even after so much time has passed, calling him appa is still a reflex. He’s the only father Seungmin can remember. “I’m sorry.” But stepfather doesn’t like it coming from Seungmin’s mouth anymore.
“Breakfast isn’t going anywhere, and neither is your mother.” He passes by him, but not before ripping Daengmo from under his arm, “aren’t you too old for this yet?” Daengmo stares blankly at him, and he stares back with a grimace. Seungmin heart starts to race just as the dog is dropped at his feet. “Should have left this stupid thing out there instead.”
Because he would have never found his way home.
“There you are, my sleepy puppy”
“The rain kept me up, umma”
She sets a bowl of seaweed soup in front of Seungmin, and then another bowl full of rice. “I scrambled some eggs, too, if you’re hungry enough.” Her hand runs down the side of his head to try and flatten out his bed hair.
“Yes, please,” he smiles at her when she returns with a plate.
“And some of the strawberries we picked up yesterday.”
“Did you already eat?”
“I did. As soon as you’re ready, we’ll go replant some more flowers.”
*
The greenhouse is hot and humid, but he likes it. He loves the warm months when the plants and flowers come to life, and he loves fall, when the chrysanthemums bloom, and the asters and the marigolds hang on a little longer. It’s always bright and pretty in here, at least until winter creeps in and scares almost everything away.
“Come here, love…hold this for me”
Seungmin drops to his knees and holds the big mound of dirt in his hands. “What are these?”
“Japanese iris”
“And those?”
“Camellia”
A crash from outside grabs his attention, and he almost drops his iris bud before the pot is ready.
“Hey puppy, look at me…don’t worry about him”
“I’m not”
She looks at him, a smile on her face, but eyes full of worry. Seungmin worries all the time, and she knows that. He worries more than any nine year old ever should, and all she wishes for is a chance to take him somewhere far away and never look back. No more worry, and no more fear. “It’s just us, okay? Me and you.”
“Yeah, just us”
The rain starts again, first a slow drop here and there, and gradually, it turns into a downpour. Again, he hears a crash, and even over the deafening sound of rain, he hears his stepfather screaming at nothing in his shed.
“The rain will ruin his day, but not ours”
“Are we planting more of those?” He points to the bright purple flowers in the corner.
“Do you like those? They’re my favorite.”
“They smell nice”
“They do, but they don’t like this weather. Heliotrope needs lots of sun and a little less rain.”
Seungmin pouts.
“That doesn’t mean we won’t try”
Tumblr media
The ultrasound room is freezing, and the blanket they put over you is pulled all the way up to your chin. It’s not helping, though. Seungmin slides his jacket off and sets it on top, and his warmth still trapped inside finally helps you stop shivering.
“What’s taking them so long?” He grumbles.
You shrug—this is only your second time in a Korean hospital, but you’re kind of used to waiting when you go to an emergency room, or a doctor’s appointment. The two of you decided the drive back home the next morning instead of revisiting the hospital in Daegu, mostly because Seungmin was eager to get you back to the bed you’ve gotten used to, and back to where he could access the contents of his bank account. Uljin can wait another week or two, he said. Time to resettle and clean up any messes left behind. And you know he also wanted to find a doctor close to home as soon as possible.
“It hasn’t been that long, it’s okay”
“Long enough. And it’s too cold in here. Maybe we can look for another doctor.”
“Let’s at least meet her first. It seems nice here."
*
The apartment looked fine, but it was easy to tell things were moved around. Everything was just slightly off.
“I can’t believe the missing piece of rug wasn’t suspicious.” You look hard at the spot where the kill from that night bled out. There’s no reason to think this was cut because of anything more than a bad spill.
“Yeah, and the spot where the girl fell.” Seungmin stands there and looks at the bare floor. “I’m really glad you didn’t pull that knife out.”
“I used to watch a lot of crime dramas. I still do, just Korean ones."
“That’s how you knew how to stab?”
“I also watched a lot of Dateline”
He cocks an eyebrow at you.
“True crime”
“Oh, that’s me…true crime. Well, that’s us now.”
“Us? That’s romantic.
*
There’s a soft knock on the door, and an older woman, the ultrasound tech, walks in and greets both of you.
“Mother speaks only English? I can speak English.”
“Thank you.” You slide Seungmin’s jacket off and hand it back to him.
“It should be warmer soon, we turned the heat up”
You’re nervous, but you know that Seungmin is even more nervous. From the corner of your eye, you see him hugging his jacket tight as the woman guides your legs up and open, carefully drapes another blankets across your knees, and adjusts the machine on your right.
“I thought you got the little wand on your stomach,” he says, and his eyes move back and forth between you and your wide open legs.
The woman answers first. “Not this one. This gives us a better look, because it’s still early.”
“Oh”. Seungmin watches her every move as she preps, but eventually finds your hands and squeezes it. “Are you warmer?”
You nod, but now all of your attention is on her and the wand in her hand. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Are you ready? Take a nice deep breath, and relax."
Tumblr media
𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟐𝟕𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟗
More rain, Seungmin thinks as he pushes himself deeper under his blanket. The slow pings start against his window, and he watches as it beats against the glass, harder and harder. The rain never bothered him much before, and it’s not really the rain that’s making sleep so difficult. The problem is what seems to be right outside of his window when the rain comes. Seungmin can’t see it, he doesn’t think…he feels it. Sometimes he thinks he sees the outline of something moving just beyond the bushes, and sometimes he thinks he sees the reflection of glowing eyes.
If he mentioned it to umma, and he might, she would probably tell him it’s just a deer. She would say pull the curtains closed, puppy…if it eases your mind. And that’s just what he does. After a few seconds of working up the courage, he jumps from under his cover and runs to the window, pulls the curtains closed, and then runs and jumps back into his warm bed.
“Better,” he whispers to himself, and just as he closes his eyes, the shatter of glass sends him back up. He sits and stares at his door and waits for another sound.
“You don’t listen!”
Stepfather is screaming, and that’s nothing new. The soft voice of his mother trickles in as she tells him to please keep his voice down, please don’t wake Seungmin.
“He doesn’t listen, either. He can hear this, too. I thought I got rid of these!”
Got rid of what? Seungmin thinks.
“He picked them out at the bookstore yesterday. He’s doing so well…he’s so smart.”
“Is he? I don’t see it.”
“He’s a good boy”
“Give them to me, all of them. And whatever else you spent my money on.”
Seungmin feels tears welling in his eyes, and he tries with everything he has to hold them back. He tries with everything he has to stay put and not run out there and stop him.
“We only bought groceries, and the books…nothing else”
“Don’t lie to me”
He hears a slap, and his mother makes another quiet sound…and his tears start to fall. “Umma, we’ll leave soon…you and me.”
Tumblr media
It’s not as bad as you anticipated, but you still grip the hand he gave you. A few seconds of nothing, and then something appears on the screen. You don’t know what you’re looking at, though, because ultrasound images always confused you. It’s nothing but static, and a big black blob that you at least know is where something is supposed to be.
“Can you see?” She asks, and looks at you, and then she looks at Seungmin. “There…on the bottom left. I would say seven weeks, almost eight.” She moves the wand again, and you squeeze his hand a little harder. “Oh…just a moment. I’m sorry, dear.”
“What is it?” Seungmin moves closer, pushes his glasses up, and squints. He doesn’t know what he’s looking at, either.
The woman pushes a button on the machine, and you hear the strange, whooshing sound come through. You know what it is, just not from personal experience—a wild heartbeat. And the sound of an actual heart beating makes everything feel very real, very quickly.
She smiles at you with a little hesitancy, and then points at a new spot on the right side of the screen. “Number two is right here. And the first one is…here.”
“Two?"
“Dul?”
“Yes,” she nods, “ye…dul. You have twins, illanseong ssangdung-i.”
“Identical?” Seungmin stares, and he starts to crush your fingers until you shake him loose. “Sorry.”
“How do you know they’re identical? Are you sure there are two?”
“I’m sure, I have seen many many twins on here. We can check again at your next visit, and also let you know sex…if you want to know, in another four or five weeks.”
*
After hearing the second round of unexpected news, you get into bed and sleep for hours. It's the first time in a while you can remember having a completely dreamless sleep, but it doesn't seem the time for that. Right now, your head should be too full to stop.
The sun is mostly set when you finally make yourself get up, and the smell of food coming from the kitchen pulls you back out. You know
“Are you making dinner?”
“Hi, yes…did you sleep well?”
“I did. It smells so good in here.”
He lights up and grabs three bowls from the cupboard, “does it, really? I haven’t tried making kimchi jjigae in a very long time.” Seungmin fills two bowls with stew, and the third he piles high with rice. “I hope it tastes okay.”
Tumblr media
𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟐𝟗-𝟑𝟎𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟗
The familiar smell of his favorite stew wafts into his bedroom, and he’s on his way down the hall before his mother even calls for him.
“Come here, give me a hug,” she holds her arms open, and Seungmin hugs her tight around the waist. “You’re getting so tall, you’re not gonna be a little puppy much longer.”
“I can be a tall one,” he looks up and sees the bruise he left on her cheek.
“You’re right, you can…go sit, I’ll bring us both a bowl.”
“Where is he?”
It’s as if Seungmin summons him with his words. A moment later, he’s coming in through the side door, pulling off his wet raincoat, and getting out of his shoes. The worst sound in the world for Seungmin is hearing his stepfather return home. But tonight he doesn’t say a word. He walks through the kitchen and looks around blankly, makes himself a bowl of dinner, and disappears into another room. It’s not unusual for him.
“Good,” she sits down next to him, “just the two of us.”
The rain finally lets up tonight, and he can fall asleep easily—no sounds outside, no footsteps or strange feelings. Silence. And Seungmin sleeps perfectly until he opens his eyes to the clock by his bed…12:10 am. He stares at it until it turns to 12:11, and then 12:12. There are footsteps outside. Loud, muddy, and heavy. But not in front of his window—these are somewhere in the distance, maybe on the far side of the house. At 12:15, he finds enough courage to get up and peek through the slit in his curtain, but all he can see from here is darkness and the reflection of his pale face; the tops of pine trees against a blue-black sky, finally clear. He thinks he sees a shadow run by in the distance, but it’s just his imagination starting to run. It’s in my head, umma said it’s in my head…there’s nothing in the woods.
“Umma?”
He thinks he hears her calling him, but as soon as it’s quiet again, he’s convinced that was also in his mind. Still, he heads for the door and pulls it open just a crack to listen. Nobody is ever up this late except for him when he can’t sleep. A mumble, barely, reaching him through the thick, humid air.
“…you made me do this…”
Seungmin recognizes that voice, even from this far away.
“…I’ll have to do it again…that brat”
It’s impossible to get back into bed now. He needs to know what’s going on. The first thing he does after tiptoeing down the hallway is open their bedroom door, but it’s too dark to see anything. A few more steps in, and he can now tell that the bed is empty, the blankets are a mess.
“Umma…where are you?”
Seungmin heads toward the kitchen and looks around, knocks on the bathroom door. He reaches for his coat…he can hear the rain starting again, and pulls on his boots. The few lights on outside help his eyes just enough, and he catches movement in the shed a few yards away. Why is he in the shed so late at night? Umma wouldn’t be out here with him, Seungmin knows that…where are you? he thinks. He thinks it so loudly, and is body trembles with his unknown fear. Why aren’t you in bed? Why are you outside so late in the rain?
The muddy grass gives way to his boots, and he sinks in as he tries to walk...he slips, and a few times, stops to gather himself before moving again. The ground is more solid as he approaches the shed, and he can tell now that the one light shining out is the oil lamp that lives on the windowsill. It’s so bright coming out through the cracks, and the view looking in is clear. Seungmin’s eye finds the perfect spot to peer in and see what his stepfather is doing…
“Are you in here?” He whispers, unsure, but his voice shakes.
His stepfather looks back, and Seungmin freezes, but his breath comes out shallow and ragged and loud. “Out of bed? Of course you are.” The door swings open, and the hand that grabs his shirt collar is wet with mud, and something else.
“Umma!”
Seungmin is thrown hard against the wall, face first, and hits the floor with so much force, he feels a tooth chip. He sees blood on him, and he tastes what pours from his nose and lip, but he doesn’t care.
“Seungmin…run away from him”
He crawls to her, and stepfathers presence looms just like the creature in the woods, ready to snatch him back at any moment.
“We have to go,” Seungmin whispers and touches her hair, “please we have to go.”
“I love you so much, Seungmin…you have to run, you have to get away from him”
“I can’t leave you here”
“Please run…my sweet boy…”
“Umma I can’t leave you here”
“He’ll kill you, too.”
“We have to go”
“Please remember how much I love you.”
Everything goes black and quiet, and the last thing he sees is her pleading eyes.
But then, the sound of dirt. A shovel, hacking and digging. Seungmin squeezes his fingers just to see if he can, and he fills his fist with dirt and rock. The back of his head throbs, and the warm, itchy sting of blood in his hair and on his neck reminds him of where he is. A gasp for air, a cough, and he almost chokes on it as he turns to his side. Everything is a blur, but he blinks it away and finds something to focus on—a bright blue bucket, and next to it is a small plank of wood, maybe the thing that knocked him out.
The irritated grumbles of his stepfather mix with the shk shk of the shovel as he digs. How could he possibly turn and look at what’s happening behind him? Seungmin can figure out whats going on, and why he’s digging a hole. He can’t come face to face with it. He looks around again, and his eyes land on the assorted tools that have ended up in here over the years: pruners, old rusty garden shears his mother tried to throw out, rolls of chicken wire and razor wire, bags of grass seed and weed killer—things he and umma have no use for in the greenhouse. The hand tiller, though, that he recognizes, and he remembers holding this very tool in his hands several times before.
Sharp and straight on one end, three pointed claws on the other—it’s as long as his arm and it’s not very heavy, but…it’s heavy enough. As quietly and slowly as possible, he crawls the six or seven feet to where it hangs on a protruding nail, and as he wraps his fingers around the wooden handle, he peeks over his shoulder. His stepfathers back is to him, thankfully, hunched over and pushing dirt with his shovel, so Seungmin grips it and rolls himself to face him. Now, if he can stand without falling—without passing out…
Tumblr media
You smile and wait for him to open his eyes again. He has his hands clasped tight in front of him, as if he’s praying. Maybe he is praying. A smile grows as he sits there silently, and he laughs at himself when his eyes pop open.
“I’m sorry, should I have joined in?”
“Oh, I was just…talking to myself for a moment. Sending something out.”
“Were you praying?”
“Sort of…no, not exactly”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain”
“This was the last thing she made for me, the last meal we had together.“
The stew looks very different when you look at it now. Seungmin looks different, because the wave of memories washing over him paralyze him for a moment. “Is this her recipe?”
“Yes. I have a few of her recipe cards in the drawer, but I can never make anything quite right.”
“Well, it’s very good, even if it’s not perfect. What was her name?”
“Soo-ji. Suji…or Susie. Her English name was Susie.”
“English name? Oh right, she lived in the states. Did she choose that? Do you have an English name?”
“Yes, she chose Susie. I have one, but I’ve never used it. I’ve never had to.”
“What is it?”
He smiles and drops his gaze to his food. “Sky. I’m not sure why I chose that, but…Sky.”
“I do”
Seungmin looks at you again, eyes wide, “yeah?” And his eyes grow even more as he waits. “Do I look like a sky?”
“You look like a sky. And everything in it.”
“Everything?”
“The sun, and the moon…the clouds, all the stars”
“Are you trying to make me blush?”
“The butterflies…the bees”
He cups his cheeks in his hands and laughs.
“Can’t grow the flowers without you”
A hitch in his breath makes your heart thump, and his hands cover the rest of his face. You can’t tell if it was another laugh, or something else.
“Seungmin?” He doesn’t answer, but you hear a sniffle, and you stand and move to his side of the table. “Hey…what’s the matter?” You’re more confident in your actions now, so grabbing his shoulders and pulling him against you happens without a second thought. “Did I say something?”
“No, sorry…I don’t know what happened”
“Was that too much? I’m too much sometimes.”
“No, please don’t think that”
He squeezes and pushes his face into you, and you feel his tears coming through the fabric of your shirt. Something triggered them, but he’s also long overdue for a lot of good cries. You don’t mind getting some out of him.
“Umma always told me that when we worked together in the greenhouse…I can’t grow the flowers without you, puppy.”
“She was right. My moonflowers seem pretty happy in the window. And...Puppy?”
Seungmin pulls away and sniffs, but he doesn’t look at you yet. He looks at the hanging basket in the kitchen window. It’s still small, but it grew even while it was left here on its own. “She loved giving me nicknames, but I was always puppy."
“Look at me,” you pinch his chin and guide his eyes up to yours. “Yeah, I saw that photo of you when you were seven, I think. You looked like a puppy then, and you still do.”
“What photo?”
“From the boxes in your closet. I found them when I was packing our stuff. I saw some baby photos.”
“Babies…” he whispers to himself. You spoke about it on the way home, and a little before you fell asleep, mostly his concern about you now carrying two instead of one. “What exactly makes them identical?”
The tech didn’t go into detail, and you can’t meet your doctor until Monday, so Seungmin has been left hanging on the finer points of the pregnancy so far.
“Identical twins are one fertilized egg, split in two. Always the same sex, or usually. They share one placenta…that’s why they weren’t separated in there, that's how she knew.”
“So two boys…or two girls. Our fertilized egg split in half? Like yin and yang…sort of. Yin is the moon, and Yang is the sun. Still opposite, not identical, I guess.”
“Like us. You’re the sun…just like what your flowers need, and you seem to have made me the moon.”
“Yeah..." He looks at your flowers again. "Tokki.”
“Sky”
Tumblr media
His legs hold him up, and despite his throbbing, blood soaked head, he moves slowly toward the lamp light, the whole in the ground, and the hunched over shape of his stepfather. This is his only chance, and if he misses, or doesn’t do it well enough, that’s it…but it doesn’t matter. Seungmin doesn’t care if he dies, because she’s gone, and there’s nothing left for him. He’d be better off in the ground.
The hesitation as he grips the handle evaporates when he raises the tiller high above his head. One chance. He puts everything he has, every bit of anger and sadness and despair behind the single blow that finds the nape of his stepfathers neck. The sharp straight edge is even sharper than Seungmin thought, and it sinks in deep. The spatter of blood gets everywhere—in his eyes, his mouth, and he somehow yanks it right back out. Some supernatural strength moves through him, because he has to do this. Another swing, this time to his chest as he turns and falls to the ground.
“Y-you…” he sputters and coughs more blood. “…you ba…bast…”
Seungmin wonders if it's the shock, or if he cut something in his neck that finally shut him up. He can’t seem to get his words out. “Bastard?”
The tiller goes up, and then down one more time. And he doesn’t say another word. The shed is silent now, except for the rain, and the drip drip coming through the cracks in the roof. It takes everything he has in him to shift his eyes to the right—to the half filled hole right next to him, and when he finally does, the emptiness that washes over him brings him to his knees. What could possibly describe this? He doesn’t know. Seungmin doesn’t know the words, not in Korean or English. He can’t even cry. What he can do is gently step into the shallow grave and place his hands on her again, and he’s relieved to feel her warmth still, and the softness of her pale skin and hair.
“Umma, can you still hear me?” Seungmin knows she can’t. His mother is gone, and her last words come right back to him. “He’s gone now…he’s gone. He won’t hurt us anymore.”
And she can’t be here, in this shed, in this disgusting hole he made for her. He won’t let her rest here forever—not for another minute. Fortunately he didn’t get far covering her. Seungmin pushes the dirt away as best as he can, but he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough for this. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and hugs her against his chest, pulls again, and rests her limp body against the side as he climbs back out.
Carefully, very carefully, he holds her around the waist, rests her back against him, and lifts until all but her legs are up and out of her would-be grave. No shoes on her feet, and wearing nothing but her nightgown…his stepfather dragged her outside straight from the bed they shared and did this. What filled him with so much rage tonight? Seungmin wonders if it was something he did. But he doesn’t stop to wonder long. The empty grave can only be good for one thing now, so Seungmin pushes, and pushes, and it takes so much more strength than it did to lift her out. One more push, and he falls with a thud, and the tiller goes in with him.
He dug this shallow hole, so he can put it to use.
Now he finally stops to catch his breath, but the humid air is hard to suck into his lungs. He slows down, breaths through his nose, holds it in…lets it go the way his mother taught him when he started to feel overwhelmed and anxious. It doesn’t calm a single nerve in his body tonight, but he at least feels the oxygen move through his blood and into his muscles, and more importantly, into his brain. He finishes this first; shoves the dirt on him, and it feels like hours later when he’s satisfied with the job he’s done. It's not the best, but it's far more than he deserves.
“Now what, umma? I don’t know what to do.”
✦  ˚   ˖ ✶ ˚   ✦   . 
The greenhouse? he thinks to himself. Did he think it, or did he hear it?
“I can take you to the greenhouse. Would that be alright?”
Yes. Where else but the greenhouse, with the flowers the two of them spent all spring and summer planting and watering and growing? Seungmin reaches for her, and he watches as his hand starts to tremble. It moves up his arm and his shoulders; his chest tightens, and his whole body shivers; his stomach spins, and he turns and crawls away to vomit, but nothing comes out. He dry heaves until his stomach finally settles, but now his head feels like it might explode.
Her nightgown is already covered in dirt, but he refuses to drag her through the mud, so he grabs a blanket from the house to help his trip down the yard. The view almost makes him sick again—the gentle sway of her feet as he pulls. But the wet ground makes it easier, and faster than he expected.
Everything he needs to dig a grave is right here. There’s a plot of loosened dirt right by the heliotrope, because that was tomorrow’s job, and Seungmin looks at it and wonders again…wonders if this is where umma is supposed to rest right now. He starts the long process of shoveling away at the dirt, and he has a feeling this will take him the rest of the night.
Tumblr media
“What are you thinking about, Min?”
He jumps when he hears his name, and looks around like he’s forgotten where he is. “Thinking about? Oh, nothing…I just had to shut off for a second.”
“I know something is going on in there. You don’t have to, but you can tell me.”
Seungmin’s face speaks louder than he ever can. He’s still no good at hiding it.
“Just remembering things. I wish my head would listen to me when I ask it to forget.”
“That would be nice, yeah. Maybe I can help take your mind off of it.”
A month flew by while you adjusted, both of you, to the news that two babies, not one, will be brought into this strange home. You spent a great deal of it in bed—tired, nauseated, and a mood that didn’t know whether to go up or down. Usually up and down multiple times in one day, which Seungmin had a difficult time with. He was used to the balance you brought him, and now it’s been taken away by this pregnancy.
But still, he handled it well by the end of the first week or so, and he eventually turned into what you were for him. He cooked, or he ordered the closest he could find to homemade Korean food. Seungmin made sure you took all of your vitamins, and he let you see him take his medication every day again. The four weeks on his haldol is the longest he’s managed to keep up with it, and he thinks he’s finally gotten used to it. Whether or not it’s helping is still up in the air.
“Take my mind off of it? You must be feeling better.”
“I am…but you’re not getting that. My appointments tomorrow, remember?”
“Right. We get to see them again.”
“We get to see if there are actually two in there”
“And if they’re boys or girls”
“Do you wanna know already, if they can tell?”
Seungmin assumed you wanted to know as much as he did, and as soon as possible, “you don’t?” But maybe not. “I guess I do, yeah.”
“It feels so early. So much can still go wrong.”
His eyes drop to your stomach, and he resists the urge to reach out and set his hand there. “Nothing will go wrong, everything will be okay. The first twelve weeks are the hardest, right?”
“You’ve been doing your research”
“There’s a bookstore right by the market I went to this morning. I bought one,” he grabs one of the bags from the counter and digs around inside. “I bought a couple, actually.” He hands you the first one…
“Taegyo.” You flip through it, but it’s small, and in Korean.
“I’ll read that one to you—to the three of you.”
The next one looks like a regular book on pregnancy, the kind you’ve seen a million times before on bookstore and library shelves.
“I read some of that one already.” The last one he pulls out is the biggest.
“Baby names…”
“And their meanings. Am I getting ahead of myself? I am, I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. I know you’ve been holding it in, Minnie. You don’t have to keep hiding it.”
“Hiding what?”
“Your excitement. Your joy. If you’re tiptoeing around it because I told you I didn’t want to be pregnant before, I want you to stop.”
Seungmin takes the baby name book and holds it to his chest, and he seems a little lost for words. “Okay…”
“I kind of knew you wanted this from the moment you found out about the first test. And I’ve already read up a little on Taegyo, so don’t hold back…let them know, too.”
He nods, and a smile creeps across his face. The hesitation is still there as he reaches his hand out to you, but he does. Nothing is happening in there yet, but his smile grows even wider as his fingers spread out, and his palm slides up, and then back down across your belly button.
“We’ll find out tomorrow, if they can see on the ultrasound”
“I should start cleaning out the spare bedroom”
“We have a spare bedroom?”
***
Seungmin can’t hide his nerves this time. He paces back and forth in the tiny room, stopping every few laps to look at you and sigh. “Twenty minutes?”
“It’s barely been fifteen. Are you alright, did you get any sleep last night?”
He shakes his head and sits, finally. “Not much. My dreams always feel real, but last night was…scary. I couldn’t get out. I think I had, uhm, I couldn’t move...”
“Sleep paralysis?”
“Yeah, I haven’t had that in a while…at least not that bad. I was stuck, but I could open my eyes, so I saw you sleeping next to me. That helped.”
“You’ve had a lot on your mind. Maybe you should take something tonight.”
A knock on the door interrupts, and it’s the same woman from your first ultrasound. “Good morning,” she smiles sweetly at you, and then to Seungmin, who has kept up the husband act since Daegu.
He took the little silver ring from his music box, the one you can only assume belonged to his mother, and tried it out on you while you were still half asleep. It fit nicely, and even though you told him it seemed too special for you to wear, he said it was just for today, for fun—just to play the part.
So now you spin it absently as you watch her set up her equipment. And Seungmin is nervous again as your shirt is lifted, and the blanket covering your hips is pulled down.
“Are you ready to see your twins?”
The image appears quickly, but takes a moment to look like anything recognizable to either of you. But then it starts making sense…
“There they are, very cozy together”
“Oh, I can see them, they look like…like babies.” Seungmin leans closer and squints, because he forgot his glasses this morning.
“They are giving us a good view,” you say, “it’s doesn’t look creepy like ultrasounds usually do.”
“And I can take a good guess at sex if you’re ready for that”
“Uh, yes but…” Seungmin looks at you, and you shake your head. “Just me. Can you tell just me?”
“Mom isn’t ready? No problem, I’ll write it down for you, and we’ll keep it between us for now.”
She pulls a notepad out and scribbles onto it, rips it out, folds it, and hands it to him. You wait to see if he’ll look now, or later, but he truly can’t wait. He unfolds it, still careful not to let you see her messy hangul, and his face lights up as he stares at it. Seungmin hasn’t mentioned preferring a son or a daughter—sons or daughters—but you imagine his face looking the same regardless of what’s written on that paper. This is something he needed for it to feel real.
Tumblr media
The sun hasn’t started rising yet, but somehow, he did what he needed to do. He finished.
The ground here is soft, and it’s fertile—this dirt has overheard some of the most important talks he had with umma, and it’s heard them both sing. This greenhouse, and the flowers inside have known only love and warmth and happiness.
Seungmin stares into her grave, and then to her.
The second blanket he brought with him is set neatly inside, and with what little strength remains in him, he moves her closer. Gently...a little clumsily, he lays her on top of it.
“Sorry umma, I’m so tired,” he sighs, and feels tears running down his dirt covered cheeks.
Now Seungmin takes his time picking a little bit of everything in bloom. An iris that finally opened. Japanese Kerria, goldenbell, mugunghwa, zinnia. The last flower he places with her is two loose bundles of heliotrope. The blanket corners are pulled across her, tucking the flowers in and keeping them safe as he kneels at the edge and thinks.
“The sun will start rising soon, and I don’t know what I’ll do,” he says to her. “What can I do?”
Seungmin waits for an answer, but nothing comes.
“I think I made things worse. Did I?”
no
“huh...is that you?”
you had to save yourself
“I should have been able to save you”
you couldn’t…you weren’t supposed to…but you’re alive so I am too
“I can’t finish”
this will be the hardest thing you have to do, I promise…just one step at a time
Seungmin stands on shaky legs and grabs the shovel again. One step at a time, he thinks. “Hana…” he starts, and grabs a pile of soft dirt and drops it carefully. “Dul…set…”
aheunnes…aheundaseos
He drops to his knees and pushes the rest with his hands, pats it down, smoothes it out. But he leaves a few spots loose, and the freshly potted heliotrope is pulled out and placed there.
“Please don’t leave me”
I won’t puppy…I’ll always be next to you
The quarter moon still shines on him over the treetops as he makes his way further down the yard. He keeps going—beyond the makeshift trail and into the pine trees, and he walks until his legs can’t carry him any longer. The clearing he comes to looks familiar, but it’s not the same one he was left in—that would take him until sunrise to reach. This one should be fine, though. He finds a spot in the center and sits, and he waits.
Tumblr media
“I’ve lived here for almost four months…why didn’t I know you had a second bedroom?”
“I guess you weren’t looking for it.” Seungmin grabs either side of the emptied bookshelf and lifts. “And I closed it up after I moved in to keep myself out.”
“You banned yourself from your spare bedroom?”
He’s quiet as he turns and sets it against the wall, and again, he pulls out a key. Seungmin has at least a dozen different keys for even more locks, but he doesn’t seem to have them organized or marked—he just knows what goes where. This one is the only skeleton key, though. He slides it in, and opens the door with some caution…and it’s not at all what you expect. The room is filled with light coming in through the sheer curtains, and it’s not a mess of unwanted things. It’s a neatly organized room of maybe unwanted things.
“Yes. More memories. Things I took from the old house and couldn’t get rid of. Things that were left to me, things that were already here when I moved in.”
“So you locked them away…”
“I finally have a reason to clean it out, I just don’t know how easy it’ll be”
Boxes and boxes lined up against one wall. A small bed, a desk with a few things scattered on top. There are more books in here, too, and records and cassettes and cds. You think back to the drive home when you opened the center console of the Supra, and it was lined end to end with cassettes. All of these must have belonged to his dad, too.
“Both of them are in here?”
“Mostly dad’s stuff…but yeah, they’re both in here”
“Maybe we can go through it, and you can decide what you want to hold onto. Unless you’d rather do it alone…”
“No, we can do it together”
The first box you go for, the very top one closest to the window, gives off a subtly sweet aroma when you lift the lid. This is very obviously more of his mother’s belongings, and even though he wants you to do this with him, it still feels like an intrusion. But Seungmin probably knows where everything is in here, and when you stop to look at him, he just smiles.
“I can smell it...there’s perfume in there, half of a bottle,” he says.
“It smells nice.” There’s also a wooden comb and a brush, a hand mirror, and a few silk-looking scarves. All very personal, and all create a very close connection to her…but none of it compares to her scent, and you don’t think that’s something he should part with. “You should keep this. The perfume, at least.”
“I should, but I don’t know where I would keep it”
“I can clean up the living room closet, there’s so much space in there. We can make a spot for what you decide to keep.”
“I’ll have to put the suitcases and the plastic somewhere…the other disposal stuff”
“Uhm, we seem to have a lot of things and not many places to put them even though the apartment is big…oh, you have empty apartments!” At least you think he does. He mentioned how many were occupied before, but not how many were actually in the building.
“I do. I have thirteen empty apartments.”
It’s now occurring to you how rarely you see the comings and goings of his tenants, but you don’t leave often, and since coming back home, you’ve gone out even less. You’ve been sleeping any chance you can get. “Any on this floor?”
“Yeah, we’re alone up here. And directly below us is vacant, too.”
You have more space than you could ever need. “That explains why you’re so loud sometimes.”
He gives you his usual nervous laugh and opens another box. Seungmin still gets shy, and you’re starting to think he’ll be that way forever, but he has opened up a little more for the twins. The Taegyo book he gave you came in handy for him, and he’s been doing his best to stay on track with his medication, and to keep his mind somewhere safe. Every night in bed, he lies awake with you and talks to them. He doesn’t say much, because you don’t think he knows what to say.
But you don’t expect him to be perfect, and you don’t want him to be. You never had any intention of changing him, but if he does it on his own, you won’t stop him.
“Not lately,” he laughs again.
“It’s nice knowing we’re alone up here, though.” You walk over to the box he’s digging in, and this one is full of baseball cards, a glove, and a handful of ticket stubs.
“It is. Maybe I should lower the rent and fill those other apartments up. Dad probably never had vacancies.”
“Were you born here? I mean, did you live in this apartment when you were a baby?”
“Yeah, but we were on the third floor until her and I moved away with…him”
It seems like a complicated series of events, but you still don’t want to pry too much. You don’t want to ask why she remarried and moved away, and why they didn’t stay here. But Seungmin tells you anyway.
“She got the property, but he came along, and I assume he charmed and manipulated her, and they got married. She wanted to remarry, I know that much…I guess for my sake. It just happened to be to the worst person imaginable.”
“He moved you away?”
“Yeah, and hoarded all of the money she made from the building. When she died, it became mine, but I was too young. I got everything when I turned eighteen—the hoarded money, the property, and all of my dad’s things that got locked away in that third floor apartment.”
“And you’ve been here ever since”
Seungmin closes his eyes and nods, and when he opens them again, you can feel more trying to claw its way out; more secrets, more burdens, more things he hasn’t had a chance to say out loud. “Yeah, just going through the motions. Trying to get through the days and put them behind me.”
“I wonder where I’d be if I hadn’t run into you that morning”
“Somewhere safe and happy, I hope”
“Or if you hadn’t come back to find me, because I had no intention of testing you again even though I really wanted to see you.”
He searches your face as he moves closer to your spot on the floor. “Testing me?”
You’ve made yourself comfortable under the window, knees tucked up and arms pulled into your sweater. This room is much cooler, and the air is probably coming in right above you. “Trying to get you back…and being pushed away again."
“You scared me”
“Me? I scared you?”
“Yes. Everything about you…from the moment you looked up at me and said yes, thank you.”
“Why?”
He sits, rests his head on your shoulder and thinks for a moment. “I’m not sure. I knew I had a job to follow through with…” It’s been a while since either of you have reflected on your first meeting, and his intention to kill you. “And I kept thinking about that the whole time you let me keep you company.”
“When you left, I was a little upset because I thought you were gonna try something…but you were good. And then, naturally, I got nervous and ran from our date. Guess it’s a good thing nothing happened either time."
“I’m not sure I ever had any desire to kill you. I kept telling myself I did, but I didn’t do a single thing I typically would to get myself there.“ His hold on you tightens, and you start to feel warm again. “I pushed you away because I was afraid of feeling the way I do now.”
“Are you still afraid?”
“Sometimes. I don’t get to keep things I love for very long.”
“Okay…no foreshadowing, I promise. We’re not going anywhere. You’re going to have three people to love, and to love you back. And you’ll have enough for all of us.”
Tumblr media
Seungmin waits, and waits. The moon starts to disappear from the cracks in the trees, and the little bit of light it seemed to scatter through the clouds disappears. It’s truly dark now, because there’s no sunrise coming for Seungmin yet. He hopes it never comes. If the sun stays asleep and the moon remains, he’ll never have to face a single day without her—he’ll never have the face the consequences of his actions. But he suspects he’s not that lucky, so he waits, and he lets out a long, monotone whistle.
A deep breath in, and another long whistle, and then he’s quiet again. A few moments pass, but eventually, he starts to hear the sound of footsteps crunching on the forest floor that managed to stay dry under the trees. Slow, heavy footsteps. Deep, shaking breaths. He can’t look, but he knows it’s there…Seungmin has felt it before, and he’s smelled it from his open bedroom window.
A snort makes him jump, and he mistakenly raises his head to look. All that’s visible is shadow, but it moves easily through trees.
“I’m here,” Seungmin says loudly, but his voice trembles. “You remember me.” A glimpse of eyes, just an amber colored streak moving and ducking behind a tree. “I’m ready to go…please.”
It answers with another snort, another crunch of slow footsteps, but it doesn’t show itself.
“Please!”
Something else is here—behind him, beside him. It’s steps lightly and quickly, and he sees it, a black cloud bouncing and moving like air. And then he sees another…a white whisp of a cloud, and this one is more visible as it darts past the trees. The white one gets closer as it circles him, and the black one follows far behind. He opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a whimper. His head swims, and his stomach turns, and before he hits the ground, Seungmin sees a set of blue eyes staring him down.
* * *
The bed shakes, and you’re out of your sleep immediately. The sour feeling in your stomach hits fast, but you hold it down when you see Seungmin’s face—his forehead drips with sweat, his jaw and fists are clenched tight enough to break.
“Minnie?” You touch his forehead, and he’s cold. “Minnie, can you hear me?”
He groans, his face relaxes, and he starts to cry.
“Seungmin, please…wake up”
Please take me…I’m alone…I’m all alone now
“You’re not alone”
I have nothing left here
“Minnie, I know you’ll hear me soon. You’ll hear me over whatever is going on in there.”
I’m too scared to do it myself
You don’t remember him ever speaking so clearly in his sleep before, and you don’t like what he seems to be saying. “Seungmin, wake up.”
Finally, he’s out of it, but now he looks like he’s heading straight into a panic attack. He bolts up and struggles to catch his breath, looks around frantically in the dark room. Before you say another word, you’re up and around the bed, clicking the light on, digging in his drawer for his bottle of Xanax.
“Minnie, hey it’s okay…take this.” You hand him his glass of water and hold the pill in front of him. “Look at me.”
He listens. You see his eyes move up and connect with yours, but he’s frozen and shivering as he parts his lips for you.
“Everything’s okay, you’re safe”
Seungmin is silent as he sips his water and slowly catches his breath, and he doesn’t move when you climb across him and crawl back under the covers. He pulls his sweat-damp shirt over his head and throws it to the floor. “Can I sleep over there?” He asks as he works his way over. “God, I sweat through everything.”
“Come here. You’re so cold, get back under the covers.”
“Those dogs”
“Dogs?”
“They weren’t there, in the woods. I’ve never seen them before.”
“In your dreams?”
Seungmin has had many dreams since you’ve been here next to him, and they’ve been bad. Most have been manageable, some have been terrifying, but none have made him wake up like this before. “It felt so real. I’m afraid I’ll go back if I fall asleep again.” He sits up and rubs his face. The medicine will relax him soon, and hopefully help him fall into a dreamless sleep for a few more hours.
“Does that usually happen?”
Everything about his dream, except for the very end, was a memory—the thing he’s afraid to tell you. Now doesn’t seem the time or the place, but as he lies here and thinks, he wonders if a time and a place for that story will ever exist. “No, but I don’t usually dream about that part…and it wasn’t off, like the dreams usually are. Everything seemed accurate, right down to the things we said to each other.”
“You and…your mom?”
“Yeah. And the dogs, I don’t know where they came from, or if they were helping or coming after me.”
“Was there a big white one?”
“A white one, and a black one. I’ve seen the black one before, just not in my dream.”
“Recently?”
“No, it was the day I found out about your negative test. It lead me to where the box was…ah, how did I forget about that?” He looks at you, expecting the same moment of clarity that he’s having, but you just stare back, a little lost. “I saw the dog in living room, and I followed it to the cabinet where the trash was.”
“You think your hallucination lead you to the test?”
“You don’t?”
“It’s possible, I guess. It’s not much weirder than us sharing dreams.”
“What are they, though?” He says it out loud, but he seems to be asking only himself. “Where did they come from?”
“Dreams can be so strange.” You can feel yourself dozing off, but you don’t want to sleep until he’s comfortable and his eyes are closed.
“Our dreams are very strange”
*
The body that was tucked up against you is gone. No more arms wrapped tight around your waist, no more warm breath against your chest. You woke up twice to Seungmin sleeping soundly with you, but now, the third time, he’s gone. He hasn’t returned to his side of the bed, and the curtain is still pulled halfway closed, just like it was last night. It’s quiet…no sounds of him in the shower, or in the kitchen, and there’s no smell of coffee brewing.
This isn’t a great way to wake up.
“Seungmin?” You call out as loudly as your morning voice will allow you, but your head pounds when you do, and the pain makes you nauseous. Still, you manage to get on two feet and head for the door. “Seungmin?”
The kitchen is empty, but the bathroom door is cracked. You decide to give it another minute before calling out for him again, because he’s in there. His keys are on the table, jacket is hanging by the door, and his two regular pairs of shoes are right next to yours.
You start making him coffee, but by the time it’s mostly finished brewing, you start to hate the quiet.
“Minnie, are you in there?” Your fingertips set against the door, but your push is hesitant. The strong herbal smell of his bath salts hit you from here. “I’m gonna come in.”
A soft okay reaches your ears as you push the door open, and you sigh when you see him there, submersed in the tub. The water is all the way up to his chin, and his eyes stay closed as you approach him.
“You’ve been in here for a while,” you kneel down and rest your arms on the bathtub. “You okay?”
“I think so”
You take his word for it, but his blank stare tells you he’s probably not completely okay. The nightmare might still be in his mind, or maybe the nightmare pushed even more to the surface—something his medication can’t keep down. “We’ll have some breakfast, and if you wanna talk about anything…” maybe it’s something else entirely.
“I’m not very hungry”
“Okay,” you start to reach out for him, but stop yourself. If he reaches back, the pain in your chest might let up…you don’t want to go back to his silence right now, but you might have to. You’ll wait for him to push through it. “Coffee? I’ll get you towel.”
“I was okay, I’m sorry”
“And you’ll be okay again, we just have to get through it”
“It stayed away for a while. We really kept our minds occupied…that was nice,” he forces a smile.
“But it can’t stay away forever.” Seungmin looks at you, almost questioningly, as you finally reach out and run a hand across his forehead. “And I want you to feel better. I’ll do anything I can to help.”
“Anything?”
“Anything”
*
Seungmin holds his pill in the palm of his hand and stares at it. He’s been so good—so consistent. Every single morning since finding out the twins were still there and still okay, he’s been even more adamant about doing what he can to be okay for them. Up until today, it’s worked. Last nights dream might be partially to blame, but he knows he’s overdue, and he feels like he’s doing something wrong.
He watches you head toward the bedroom, wrapped up and shivering in two towels. “Do you think I can be fixed?”
“Fixed?” You poke your head back out and study him. “Do you feel like you need fixed?”
“I’m not sure. But I wonder sometimes if they’re doomed to be like me, no matter what.”
The fear you had swirling inside of you before, the feeling that still comes back sometimes, seems to have crept into his thoughts. You were never afraid of having a child that ended up with an illness like him, though, that never once crossed your mind…but now that his need to kill has returned, he’s stuck in that part of his head. And though he hasn’t actually said anything about their sex, you're beginning to have a feeling in your gut.
“Seungmin, are we…?” You start, but you still don't think you want to know for sure.
“What?” His eyes soften as he searches yours.
“Nothing, never mind.” It’s been two weeks since that doctor’s visit, and he hasn’t said a word about it. He hasn’t dropped any sort of hint, or let anything slip. During a few talkative nights, you wondered if he would mumble something in his sleep. But he hasn’t yet. “They’re gonna be as sweet, and as caring, and as thoughtful as you are to me.”
Seungmin slowly shakes his head. “I hope so. Right now, I really…really need to—” his eyes drop to your stomach, “I need to clear my head again.”
“Should I leave?”
“No, I want you to stay. If you want.”
“Are you coming back with them, if you find someone?” You think about how messy it was the first time you were here, and how out of control everything was. But you do want to stay, because your mind is also on the last time…his knife in your hand, the way he looked at you and touched you after the girl hit the floor. “I’d rather stay, but I can’t listen—“
Seungmin takes your face in his hands, and his smile is uncertain. “No, I don’t want you to hear that. I want you to help me, if you want…uhm…”
“Help?”
“But I understand if you don’t want to”
Your heart pounds. The look he’s giving you is a strange mix of shy, and a little bit of that Seungmin who made you a drink and carried you into his bedroom. “Help you kill?”
“Or just watch. I don't need the sex.”
“Minnie”
“It’s too much, I know…I don’t know why I’m asking. You shouldn’t be seeing that…after what I just…after just telling you I’m worried about how they’ll end up. Fuck, no…I’ll go.”
“Minnie, wait”
“You can stay if you’re comfortable. Maybe in the bathroom, or the nursery.” The nursery that’s still just a gutted room with a twin bed. Going through things and cleaning took much longer than anticipated. “Taegyo seems a little pointless now, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not, they still need to hear you talk to them every night. They need you to feel better.”
There’s still a look of reluctance and confusion on him, and instead of heading for the door, he paces back and forth and thinks. But he stops suddenly and stares off toward the open door of the nursery.
“What’s wrong?”
He takes a few slow steps in the direction he’s looking, and then shuts his eyes tight. “It’s there…it came out of the room. The black one.” He starts walking toward whatever he’s seeing and ends up back in the bedroom, and you follow. “It went under the bed.”
You watch him drop to his knees and look, but if there’s something black under there, he won’t see much of it. Your curiosity gets the better of you, so you do the same on your side of the bed—drop to your hands and knees and look. “I don’t…”
“What?”
Something glimmers despite the lack of light…something silvery blue. You push yourself under and reach toward it, but it moves. “What the hell?” It disappears, and then reappears, and you hear it. That growl. The same deep growl from your nightmare. It lunges forward and all you see is a streak of white fur and teeth as you pull yourself back and crawl away. You hold back a cry, but as soon as Seungmin sees your face, he’s on his knees in front of you.
“What happened?” His voice shakes. “You saw it?”
“I dunno,” you pant and try not to catch sight of anymore shining eyes, so you look at him instead. “Seungmin, I think I’m seeing things.”
Seeing things, hearing them, feeling their strange presence.
Whatever was under there is gone when Seungmin shines a flashlight into the darkness. It’s empty. No lost clothes or forgotten boxes, nothing that could have picked up and reflected the little bit of light in the room.
“Are you gonna tell me what you saw under there.” Seungmin stands in front of two cups and watches the almond blossoms bloom in the hot water.
“It was a dog, a white one, and it growled and snapped at me”
“Have you seen it before?”
“Only in a dream, but in the dream I thought the dog was you…trying to kill me”
That dream, he thinks to himself—the one you couldn’t explain to him that morning, and it’s been forgotten ever since. “The white dog was me?” The white dog that tried to kill you, that stood over him in his dream last night. The one that tried to bite. But where did the black one disappear to?
“Yes, in the woods. And then in the shed, but I woke up in the middle of it attacking me. You woke me up.”
“It’s a big dog, right? Obviously we’re seeing the same one, and I saw them both together, but maybe it’s just one.”
“Big, but skinny and tall…like a greyhound, but not.” You get up and head back to the bedroom, and carefully walk by the bed, making sure to give the edge of it a wide berth. Nothing makes a sound or shows itself, and you return to him, phone in hand. “Long-haired greyhound? I dunno what I’m searching for, I’m sure Google can figure it out.” You scroll and click a few times, and then show him the image pulled up on your phone. “Is this your black dog?”
Seungmin’s eyes grow as he looks at it, “yes that’s exactly what he looks like…and they both look exactly the same.”
“They look so sweet in these photos, but my white one isn’t sweet at all.” My? The white one does seem to be yours, because you haven’t seen his black dog. At least not yet. “But dwelling on it isn’t gonna help.”
“No, and I’m sure I’ll see them again”
“We should get back to our earlier conversation”
He forgot about his request. Seungmin isn’t sure why he thinks you’d want to have anything to do with this, but you did intentionally put yourself front and center for his last kill. “Can we forget about it? I didn’t know I was gonna ask you that until it came out of my mouth.”
“No, we don’t have to forget. At least let me answer.”
He’s expecting an explanation for your no, because you’re good at putting your thoughts into words for him. At least he knows you’ll be gentle. Seungmin has found out, thanks to you, how terrible he is at accepting criticism and being told what he doesn’t want to hear. You’ve been honest with him when it was necessary, and it’s been difficult, but he’s getting better…he thinks.
“I would love to watch you”
*
Seungmin heads out, and you stay home. He said he would keep you updated on his timeline if he could, but you decide to just expect him at any moment. And the plan is pretty scarce, but probably enough for him, and this time you’ll just have to trust he’s truly back on his game.
“Phone…I won’t forget the phone this time. Or the cameras. I’ll text you when I’m turning them back on so you know I’m in the building.”
But you’re terrified. Your heart hasn’t stopped racing since he left. He could be an hour, or he could be five hours, so how do you wait and pass the time? How do you prep? You’ve been avoiding going into the bedroom while you’re alone here, but you have to at least go in there and clean up. The sheets are still a mess, and there’s a pile of dirty laundry in the corner. There’s a pile of clean laundry in another corner—neither of you ever let it get this messy, but you’ve been focused on making space for two babies, and now, standing here thinking of that…maybe it’s too soon. You’re fourteenweeks in. Almost four months. Okay, maybe it’s not too soon. You were expecting this to drag, but since finding out, time has passed by far more quickly than it ever has.
Okay…just fix the damn sheets, there’s nothing under there. You walk quietly and start to pull at the spots where it’s the messiest…listen carefully as you tuck, fluff the pillows, set Daengmo right on top. Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see a flash of white, but there’s nothing there when you scan the room.
Daengmo gives you a look, or he seems to, so you change your mind and take him back to the kitchen with you.
This place is too quiet without him, you think, but Seungmin himself is quiet. It isn’t just the sound…it feels quiet without him, because his presence alone can be overwhelming. He’s still so intense and serious sometimes, but he turns it off when he needs to—when he keeps you awake a little longer talking to you and the twins, or when he wakes you up with the sounds of his guitar. He finally sang for you a few mornings ago.
*
When you open your eyes to see him, he's turned away, and he avoids looking at you until he finishes his song.
“What song was that? Was it yours?
Seungmin spins in his chair and carefully returns the guitar to its stand. “Not mine, no. It’s called ‘through the night’.
“Through the night,” you say under your breath, making sure to remember the title. “Thank you.”
“For singing?”
“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding that voice from me all this time”
He starts toward you and smiles, and you can still see some diffidence behind it as he slides back under the covers. “Sorry,” he gets close, and he closes his eyes as if he plans on going right back to bed. So you do, too.
*
Until this moment, you forgot about the name of the song. “Through the night,” you say out loud and head for your laptop. But he never said the original artist—it doesn’t matter, you’ll know it when you hear it. Before you get a chance to type it in the search bar, your phone buzzes. “Minnie…that was fast.” At first you assume it’s something else, not him, because it’s barely been two hours, but it is him…
in the elevator
Your heart jumps to your throat, and you wonder if you can really do this. The want is there, and the need, there’s no question about that. And this will be easier than last time, you think. Right? Just watching him.
“Just watching,” you reaffirm yourself and shut the laptop, hide anything that looks like someone else lives here, and shut yourself in the nursery. The door on this room is much older, and very lucky for you, there’s a keyhole to peek out of. You kneel down and focus right as the lock clicks, and in walks Seungmin. “Who did you find?” you whisper against the door as she finally walks in behind him. “Oh.”
He speaks, she speaks—your Korean comprehension is still bad, despite the classes, and despite Seungmin patiently helping every way he can. He only speaks directly to the twins in Korean, but he translates everything for you, so they always get both. Seungmin speaks again, and you can’t help but notice him looking around the room. If your presence makes him nervous, he could slip up somehow. But this was your idea, Minnie…you’ll be fine.
She touches him, and your stomach starts to turn sour. A hand runs up his side and pulls at his shirt, and that peak of his skin already has you seeing red, but you breath deep and remember that you’re his other half in this. Seungmin belongs to you, and this is the last thing this girl will ever do.
But what happens next? He told you there would be no sex, but he still has to set things up the way he’s accustomed to, or at least close to it. How far will he have to go to get her where he wants her?
Her hand cups his dick, and her face falls. When she speaks again, you know what she says without understanding a word—not hard for me? No. No cock growing in his jeans for her. Seungmin is still soft, and he’ll probably stay that way. And he plays it off well, feigning shyness, smiling and hiding his face. It still makes you jealous, act or no act, because he's so good at this. She takes Seungmin by the hand and looks around, but she starts toward your door first, and you move your eye from the keyhole until you hear her being redirected. As soon as you look again, you catch his gaze lingering right where you are.
The bedroom door opens, and then shuts, but you hear the doorknob turn lightly and the latch click free. Now you can easily slide in without making a sound, lock the door, and watch.
The girl is too distracted by Seungmin's shirt being pulled over his head; slipping into the bedroom and carefully closing the door goes completely unheard, and the slide of the key does, too. Had she been facing you, things might be hectic right now, but you trusted him to keep her where you both needed her. The room is perfectly dark, lit up only by the string lights you put around the bookcase. It's just enough, and when your eyes start to adjust, you can see much more of him outlined by it, and you see his eyes move to you and smile sweetly. Somehow, she doesn't notice him looking at something other than her.
Her hands go for the button of his jeans, but he stops her. You can see the gears turning in his head as he wonders what his next move is going to be. She speaks, and you can see that he's annoyed.
"Turn around..." Seungmin grabs her wrists and holds them tight as she spins to face you.
"Huh...quit messing arou—"
The air catches in your throat when she sees you, but you do everything in your power to keep your composure. Looking nervous will do nothing to help him right now.
"What's going on, what is this? I didn't come here for a threesome."
"Shut up." Seungmin switches to English, and to your surprise, she does, too.
"Let go of me, I'm over this...get your hands off of me you psycho"
You assumed you'd be out of her view the entire time or at least most of it, but that's not the case. And then his hands start to loosen, she pulls away from him and heads for the door...now you wonder what exactly he has planned. Just as you open your mouth to get his attention, she pulls on the doorknob and screams...
"Open this fucking door!"
Seungmin walks toward her, and she runs to the far side of the room, away from him and away from you, and when she backs herself against the bookcase, everything starts moving in slow motion—her hands grope along the shelf for something...anything. The first thing she grabs is the glass vase of withered heliotrope, and she smashes it hard against the floor. The sound is unbelievably loud, but there's still a piece of glass large enough for her to use as a makeshift weapon.
"Let me out of this room," she holds it nervously, and her free hand goes back to the shelf. "Unlock the door."
Despite the drama, your mind goes back to you. Your night here with him, and how you ran to the door and fell to your knees in defeat, but you come back quickly when her hand finds the music box.
"Stop," Seungmin throws his hands up, "enough."
This is not going well, but he can still turn things around. Not soon enough, though. She drops the shard of glass, takes the music box in both hands, and uses all of her strength to smash it against the wet floor. You can't see anything from where you stand, but you hear it—the painful splinter of wood, and the sweet, lonely melody of it's insides filling the room.
Seungmin lunges for her so quickly and so quietly. He's terrifying. His hands close around her throat and drag her back toward the bed with little effort, and when he throws her on it, she stays there.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, please"
He straddles her hips, and she's frozen in terror as his hands close around her throat again, and then he looks at you. A few steps toward the bed bring a smile to his face, so you take a few more, and the desire to touch him makes your whole body tremble. The muscles of his back move as he breathes, and veins start to pop in his arms as his grip tightens. You hardly notice her, even as she gasps for air and scratches at his arms, because Seungmin is all you ever see.
"Are you okay?" He asks, and you can see sadness behind his smile. Maybe a lament for his music box.
"Only if you are." You walk behind him and give in to your urges. One hands runs across the small of his back and up his spine, and you hear him groan as he squeezes tighter.
"I am"
From here you have the perfect view of both of them, so you watch quietly and keep your hands off as he continues...as he squeezes, and you hear her last desperate gasps...as he finishes. There's no more movement from her, and you can see it in her eyes, just like the one you took the life from—emptiness. His hands loosen, fingers flex, and he straightens his back as he starts to rise. You're silent as he watches the body for a few more moments, and then he turns to you.
Seungmin is looking through you again, inside of you and outside of you; reading your mind, and looking for an answer to the same question he asked before.
“I’m good”
The state of the room—the broken glass, the splintered music box, the dead body—it’s all pushed away with his soft touch and the scent of his adrenaline filled sweat. His arms slide around your shoulders and pull you tight against his bare chest.
“I’m sorry, that was a mess”
“No,” you push back and look at him. “Some things didn’t go how we wanted them to," you look to the body, and then toward the mess on the floor, "but…no, baby.” Seungmin lets you pull him to the door, and he doesn’t say a word as you unlock it and put the dead girl out of sight.
“I was never this clumsy before, I really wasn’t. I fucked up sometimes, but this…”
The sun is just starting to set outside, and the light hits just right on the couch where you’re leading him. Even as you set him down and look at him, he looks up at you with so much defeat in his eyes. Seungmin is supposed to feel better after a kill, and maybe he will soon, but right now he’s nowhere near okay.
“This was also your first time with someone watching you. Please, be a little easier on yourself.”
He sighs and falls back against the couch. “No, I don’t—" he looks to his right and sees Daengmo slumped against the pillow, “I can’t.“
This might take him a little longer to get through. You kneel in front of him and place a kiss on his knee. “You’ll get there, but in the meantime, I’ll do it for you.”
Even as your hand moves up his thigh, Seungmin’s face remains the same, but he lets you touch him. He lets you unbutton and pull gently until you can see his bare thighs, and now when you look at him, a smile is trying its best to break through. It doesn’t quite make it, but as you climb up and straddle him, he doesn’t hesitate to lift your dress and pull your panties down and out of his way.
“You did so well”
He shakes his head as you take his slowly growing cock in your hand.
“Don’t shake your head. Look at me, right now.”
There’s a bit of surprise in his hm?, but still no smile. He does, however, look at you.
“It was fast, and clean…not a drop of blood”
“Just flowers, and glass, and—”
You shush and kiss him, and the soft stroke of your fingertips get him there quickly . “We’ll clean it, we’ll fix everything.”
Something relaxes in him. Seungmin’s head falls back, and the movement in his neck is hypnotizing. “How can we fix it?” His mouth falls open as you slide down and fill yourself with him, and his hands jump to your hips. A stuttery how gets caught in his chest, but you can’t tell what he’s feeling because he’s no longer looking at you. His face is hidden, and his breathing starts to become shallow.
“Minnie?” His shoulders tense up until you hold him tight against you, and your thighs shake as you lower yourself completely on his lap. “Look at me so I can tell you properly.”
It takes a few more seconds and a few more sniffles before he peeks up at you.
“What are these tears for? Just upset about how everything went, or is it the music box?”
“I can’t do anything right. And it’s a miracle I haven’t been caught yet.” Seungmin’s hands squeeze as if he’s trying to get you to move on him, but you’re still as you rub his shoulders.
“Well, I disagree. I was the one watching, and I hope this isn't the last time we do that.” Another squeeze of his fingers makes your thigh jump, but you don’t move. “You did a very good job.”
“I’ll be better for you”
“I love you just like this”
He shakes his head as you kiss him again, but stops when your hands move up. The look on his face changes—he relaxes again as you comb your fingers through his hair. “Okay…”
“Okay?”
The shake turns to a nod, and he squeezes again as you start to move slowly, up and down, and the sound of his moans match your pace.
94 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 5 days ago
Text
Yes Im aware that changbin and I.N. and hyunjin are not here, and yes I'm still going to do them, and yes I already started them
11 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 5 days ago
Text
"babe."
you try to pretend to be asleep, but jaemin's too good at figuring out when you're faking it.
"babe." the bedsheets underneath you rustle, the noise a little too annoying this early in the morning.
"shh."
"sweetheart." his hand reaches around your waist, pulling you into his warm self. you'd complain if your boyfriend didn't give off heat like a radiator.
"i'm trying to sleep, jaem. please."
"nine is a little too late to still be sleeping in, isn't it?"
"just...shh," you say, words evading you as your eyes succumb to sleep thanks to your boyfriend's warmth.
"did you know i can hold the whole world in my hands?"
"...that's great, baby."
"really! you don't believe me?"
"sure."
"don't snort at me. and the answer to that was a yes or a no, not a sure."
"okay, jaem, i believe you."
"you're going to have to see it to believe it, though."
"it's a saturday. leave me alone."
"but you signed up for this when you agreed to move in with me." you don't even need to turn around to see that grin on his face. his hands are skirting the bottom of your night top, and you know if he inches in a little and starts tickling you, you're going to be awake for the rest of the day.
when you don't reply back to him, jaemin huffs. "is that how it's going to be?" and the next thing you know, he's pulled the blankets away from you and wrapped them around himself, leaving you to the mercy of the cold air in the room.
"jaemin."
"you didn't seem interested."
you sigh. this is how it's going to be, then.
"na jaemin, love of my life, will you please show me how you can hold the whole world in your hands?"
jaemin turns around with a smile on his face. he unwraps the blankets and pulls you in, so that you're face to face with him. and then-
his hands cup your face. you're left looking into his eyes, which are filled with far too much love for a saturday morning. not that you're complaining.
"that's how," he says, his voice smug.
now you're definitely not letting him go for the rest of the day.
683 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 5 days ago
Text
I so badly want people to spam boop me
7 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 5 days ago
Text
Since the booping has returned, reblog if it's okay to spam you with boops!
I wanna be polite and not spam random people without permission , ,
29K notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 6 days ago
Text
when you promise to write things and still haven’t started…
0 notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 7 days ago
Text
real.
Just gotta get this off my chest.
Ryujin. My love. My beauty.
I’d be on my knees for hours. Just give me one chance. All I need baby 🙏
23 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 8 days ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
serial killer!Kim Seungmin x afab reader
SYNOPSIS: you walk into Seungmin's life, and disrupt everything
RATING: 18+ only—this story contains sex, death, murder, some supernatural elements, folie à deux...please read each chapter rating for more details
𓇢 please support by reblogging 𓆸
CURRENT WC: 70.9k
✦ INTRO (2k)
✦ Part One (10k)
✦ Part Two (12.7k)
✦ Part Three (14.4k)
✦ Part Four (10.4k)
✦ Part Five (11k)
✦ Part Six (10.4K)
✦ Part Seven (wip)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
TAGLIST
∙ Please leave a comment if you'd like to be tagged for each new part of DEITY, and other posts (oneshots, images) that directly connect to the story. Check your settings and make sure you're able to be tagged in posts!
@kkamismom12 / @r0tt1n / @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz / @reignessance
∙ If at any point you would like to be removed from the list, please drop me a message and I'll remove you
© all works posted on this blog and in this and my main masterlist belong to me, daengtokki—do not repost, do not copy, do not translate, do not claim as your own—in full or in part
146 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 8 days ago
Text
𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒸𝒶𝓇
Tumblr media
Kim Seungmin/female reader
────────── ☾ ──────────
wc: 1.6k
rating: explicit (contains: semi-public sex, m/f receiving oral, mouthy seungmin)
masterlist
────────── ☾ ──────────
He pushes the button over and over, forward…and then back again, and the sticky click click makes you want to scream. A big smile spreads across his face when he finally finds something, but it’s hardly anything. It disappears just as quickly, and you’re back to static.
“Give it up, Min. Just turn it off for a while.”
“You wanna sit in silence for another hour?”
No, you don’t, but you know he’s not going to find anything worth listening to out here in the middle of nowhere. “An hour?” The temptation to reach for him and grab something is so strong, and you don’t even try to control yourself. You run your fingers through his short hair, trace the outside of his ear. “You can do better than that.”
Seungmin grabs your hand and holds it hostage. “Is that a challenge?” He looks at you, tongue poking out between his teeth as his foot slowly presses on the gas. "You know better."
90kph quickly turns to 120...130...145 on the long stretch of road.
"Okay, okay," you laugh and pull back, but his grip on your arm is too strong. The speedometer keeps rising as he squeezes. "Don't be a brat."
The car slow as he clicks his seatbelt free and adjusts the rearview mirror. "A brat?" His voice lowers, “is that another challenge?"
Before you can question him, he hits the gas again and lets go of your arm, but he just trades it for another piece of you. His fingers dig into the soft flesh and moves painfully slow, inching closer and closer to the crease of your thigh until he slips his fingers into the warmth between them. Your laugh turns to a moan when he pushes and kneads his fingers against you, reaching your sensitive clit through the fabric separating you from him.
"Maybe." You spread your legs and push into him.
"You like that?" He rubs his thumb where he knows you need his touch. "Hm? Look at me."
"Maybe," you smile and watch as his attention moves between you and the road, and when a satisfied sound comes from his chest, you moan for him again. You want more, and you know how to get it. "Yes."
The pressure and warmth of his palm sends a jolt through your body...he can't possibly expect you to take this teasing. The seatbelt clicks and slides off of you, but his hand is back before you can miss it. "That's better," he whispers, "lie back."
"Seungmin..." He adjusts himself and spreads his legs, making room for his cock growing in his jeans. You reach out for him, but your hand falls short of getting where it wants to be. "Minnie, please."
Seungmin laughs, but you know he's desperate for touch, your mouth...something. "You want it?" But he can't touch himself without taking his hands off of you—he can't even free himself. "Tell me how much you want me."
"Don’t tease"
"Tell me..." he pushes hard again, hitting every nerve through your thin leggings, and it makes you squirm. "Tell me where you want it."
"Pull over"
"Answer me"
You can already feel yourself needing to come from his touch, but you hold back, "I need...” and push him away, “stop the fucking car."
He veers off to the right and onto the rocky shoulder, and he only takes his hands off of you to put the car in park. The radio buzzes the moment he does, goes static, and then music starts coming through the speakers. "Take those off,” he groans in relief as he frees himself, fills his fist with his cock, and fucks it slowly as he watches you undress. “Get over here,” he purrs, reaches again and pulls you closer.
Your lips close around him, and he melts in his seat. The slow up and down of your mouth makes him crazy, and now you get to tease back while you take your time with him. The slow music mixes with his desperate little noises—
fuck…baby…you feel so good
His hips move and push his cock deeper, and you gag and pull back, just enough to let your hand take over as you work his head.
yeah…just like that
His hands move down your back and over your ass, squeezing and pulling you closer, sliding down and finding your entrance, wet and ready for him. Two fingers slip in and start to fuck you, and he matches the rhythm of your mouth and hand. It’s driving you crazy, and it’s driving him crazy. You could work him as long as he needed it, but his teasing fingers make you even hungrier for the stretch of his cock.
You look up at him, and his grin makes the need so much stronger. His cock bounces as you let go and catch your breath, “you taste so good.” You lick him up again and suck gently at his leaking tip. He melts again, relaxes completely, and whatever he was about to say is all but forgotten as your tongue slides over him. “Minnie?”
“Mmm, yeah,” he opens his eyes again. “I’m here.”
“Do you like it?”
“Do I…fuck,” he laughs like he’s drunk, and gently pushes you down until you swallow him completely, “good girl…” and he can feel the squeeze of your throat. “But I know what you’re waiting for.”
The slow, tight release makes his thighs shiver.
Seungmin pushes his seat back and stretches, cock gripped in his hand again. He looks you up and down as you get to your knees, “right here.” His palm slides down his now naked thigh, “get on.”
Climbing to his side is clumsy, but his hands hold you steady. You grab his shoulders and hold tight, but you sway a little as a car speeds by a few feet away. Seungmin kisses your neck and coaxes you onto him, smiles and groans as his head slides in, but you stop and brace yourself for more.
Another car speeds by, and Seungmin holds you tight around the waist. “I got you.” You can feel his hand move and his fingers touch where the two of you meet. He holds himself steady and the rest of him slides in with ease, “see…” he bites his lips and holds his smirk as you start to bounce. “Yeah, that’s it.”
You start slow and kiss him sweetly, and he returns it. Seungmin thrusts his hips up, pushes deeper—there's almost no control, not right now…he needs it, and he’s taking every inch of you he can, but it’s your pace, and your control…
The door pops open.
“What are you—”
Before you can finish, he lifts you off of him and slides out from beneath you.
“Min, what are you doing?” You’re both only partially dressed, but he walks confidently around the car and stands where you can see him, cock gripped tight in his hand.
He strokes slowly as he beckons you with one finger. “You better get out here if you want it.”
There are hardly any cars flying by, so how bad could it be? But just as you think that, another one flies by.
“Don’t make me mad”
You can hear the sweetness in his voice, but you know he means it, so you poke your head out and make sure no more cars are approaching. Carefully, you step out onto the gravel and tiptoe to him, no leggings or panties, just his big tshirt covering you.
“That’s better”
The hood is warm against your back, and you admire the sky for a moment until he pulls your thighs apart. Seungmin gets right to it, face in your pussy, lapping up the arousal slowly dripping from you—messy and loud as he licks and sucks on your clit. This is what he wanted, this is where he wanted to be—face first, tongue deep inside of you.
Another car, but you don’t care now.
The only thing you can think about is him, his warm mouth, Seungmin making you come, and it’s the only thing on his mind. He slows down to make you last longer, and he watches, listens to every sound you make, strokes his cock as he flicks the tip of his tongue around your clit. Holding on and giving him more time is getting hard, you need to…and then his fingers slip in. The pressure and his perfect strokes push you over the edge. You’re lost in the sky above as you tense up and take in every little movement he makes—his slow, soft tongue, his lips. You start to slip away. Every part of you relaxes. The sound of your heartbeat in your ears, your cries for him—it’s almost as loud as the praise he gives you as your body shakes and your cum, whatever misses his face and arm, drips down your thighs and onto the hood of the car.
There’s no catching your breath, though. He pulls you closer and his cock slips in, and you watch him, still delirious from your orgasm, as he moves his hips and fucks you just how he needs to, slow and deep…then faster, and faster. Seungmin leans over you, palms on the hood, and he smiles when you lift his shirt and grab a sensitive spot.
“Mean,” he whispers and comes down for a kiss, and suddenly he’s soft, moaning sweetly into your mouth. His strokes slow down again, and you feel every inch as he moves. “Touch me…keep your hands on me.”
They move up his stomach and grip his waist, slide toward his back, and you can feel it in him—in his thrusts, in his breath catching, and in every muscle that tenses in his stomach. Seungmin comes quietly as he kisses and touches you, and he takes his time coming down from it. Two more cars pass by as he leans over you, panting and getting himself back together.
“Minnie…” you coo and rub his back. “Baby.”
“Mhmm, yeah?”
“You’re so bad, we’re gonna be late”
126 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 9 days ago
Note
I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVED your “he calls you clingy” for Seungmin. could you write one for changbin / the other members too please??
I will write the other members, not sure when but I'll try to get them all done eventually
3 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 9 days ago
Text
Hi, let’s talk about reblogs, again. 
If you don’t want to hear about it again, just scroll away, because this is going to be long.
As many other creators, including my moots, have pointed out in some of their posts, the like to reblog ratio has been getting worse. I’ve only been on tumblr for less than a year, and I’ve seen it get worse. On a good day, the ratio could be 1 reblog to 10 likes, with comments and feedback. Unfortunately, the ratio usually looks more like 1 reblog to 20-25 likes, with little to no comments and/or feedback. While we’re grateful for the likes, likes don’t do anything on Tumblr. 
Tumblr operates on reblogs NOT likes so please consider reblogging posts.
I’ve seen comments like “but no one follows me so will me reblogging really help” or “it’s okay I have my likes on.” Admittedly, I don’t fully understand how the system works, but here’s my interpretation of it. I acknowledge that there may be some mistakes, I don’t understand computer science…
Referring to this post by @\engineering, reblogs act as “a signal boost.” The more people reblog the original post, whether it includes their own comments or not, and regardless of whether the account has followers or not, it helps to boost/ spread the post to more people. Imagine it like a tree which grows more branches every time the post is reblogged. 
If you have followers, as the reblog tree grows, it reaches your audience, some of whom would have never seen the original post before. If you don’t have followers, then the Tumblr algorithm does most of the work. As the reblog tree grows more branches, it reaches other people’s for you pages, especially if the other person has interacted with the same kind of posts/ accounts you have interacted with before, eg. posts on Seventeen. Conversely, if you just like the post, no branches are being grown, which means the post is not being spread. Spam liking can also lead to the original creator being shadowbanned (which is why some creators understandably block spam likers).
Additionally, in this post by @\mrsmothmon, she says that this tree-like growth structure means  reblogs are the norm here on Tumblr, it's part of Tumblr’s culture and etiquette. It’s been this way since Tumblr was created, and that’s not going to change just because time has passed.
Hence, why creators are always urging others to consider reblogging their posts. Reblogging doesn’t take a lot of time and effort, and it’s just probably one of the only ways you can show creators any support on Tumblr. When you reblog, you help to grow that little tree further which then spreads our work to new audiences. 
To put it bluntly, when we see the dismal like to reblog ratio, it’s disheartening, demoralising, and is a very big reason why many creators don’t feel like creating/ writing. Creators spend hours, if not days or even months, creating content for others to enjoy for free. We don’t get paid for this, yet we’re putting in so much effort, love, and time into it. 
Yes, we genuinely enjoy creating, that’s why we started posting content in the first place. But, we also love interacting with the people who consume our content. We love to hear what you have to say about our content, your thoughts/ feelings. It could just be a simple heart, long rambles, or even just incomprehensible screaming. Or, if you don’t wish to do any of those things, a simple blank reblog is greatly appreciated as well because as I mentioned, it helps to spread our work. It makes us feel appreciated, it motivates us to create more because we see that people actually like our content. Most importantly, it makes us feel seen. Trust me, your reblogs and comments make the whole world of difference between us feeling like we’re human beings who put our hearts and souls into creating, versus feeling like we’re simply content generating machines. 
Honestly, I hesitated on whether or not to even make this post because I know that to some, posts about reblogs are really annoying. While I am very very appreciative of all the love and support I’ve received on Tumblr so far, the issue of reblogs is just something that’s been weighing on my mind for a while. I’m not saying you have to reblog everything you see, no one is forcing anyone to do anything. And I’ll be the first to admit I need to work on reblogging more too, but, I hope this post helps to clarify why reblogging is so important, and why creators, myself included, are always urging others to consider reblogging their content. 
Thank you <3
82 notes ¡ View notes
apple-kiwi ¡ 10 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
Skz Calling You Clingy Part 2
Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.
Part 1
Authors note: I tried to finish it fast but, you know, life. I tagged everyone who asked for a part 2. I will start the other members at some point.
Warning: none I think
Taglist: @jazziwritesthings @luckymilkshakerebel @lcmonriize @galaxy4489
Word count: 963
It's been 3 days since he snapped at you. You've been giving him space like he asked, not going to the door when he comes home, not asking him about his day, not texting him reminding him to eat and drink enough water, and not clinging onto him before going to sleep. You still cook dinner for him, your mind wouldn't leave you alone unless you knew he had a warm home-cooked meal at the end of the day, however, you no longer try bringing him the food, you just leave it covered on the table for him to eat when he comes home. You've been so distant with him that it feels like walking on eggshells whenever you are in the same room.
Seungmin had been feeling extremely guilty for snapping at you. He regretted it ever since the moment it happened but he was stubborn and prideful and hated having to admit when he was wrong. But with each day that passed, he could tell how hurt you were, and it was eating him up inside. His heart ached every time he came home to find the house quiet, with no sign of you even being there. It felt like he was living alone, and he hated it. He missed your presence, your voice, your laughter, everything about you.
Tonight was the same as the past 3 nights. He came home from practice late and found dinner on the table, but there was no sign of you, you must've been asleep already, he thought. He sat at the table and began to eat, the food was good but cold, you must've made it a while ago.
He ate it all anyway.
After finishing his meal, Seungmin sat there for a few minutes, staring at the empty chair across from him. He really wished you were sitting there right now, talking to him about your day, or just sitting in comfortable silence. He could no longer deny it, something needed to be fixed. Seungmin needed to talk to you, apologize, and make things right again. With a heavy heart, he forced himself to get up and head to the bedroom. Opening the door quietly, he looked around the room and spotted a lump under the covers, confirming you were asleep.
Seungmin moved closer to the edge of the bed, sitting down gently so he wouldn't wake you up. He took a moment to just look at your peaceful sleeping form and it made his heart ache even more. You were always sleeping by the time he came home nowadays. You were avoiding him, it was all his fault for lashing out.
Taking a deep breath, he spoke quietly, "Hey… Are you awake?” He waited a few seconds for you to respond but you stayed motionless and silent. He wasn't sure if you were pretending to be asleep, but he decided just to talk anyway, "I know you're mad at me… And you have every right to be. I was being an ass when I yelled at you. I'm really sorry." He paused for a moment, taking another deep breath before continuing.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was just tired and in a bad mood… That's no excuse though. I was being a jerk to you for no reason… I understand if you don't wanna talk to-"
He was cut off when you rolled over and threw yourself onto him.
Seungmin's heart skipped a beat as you suddenly threw yourself onto him. He was caught off guard at first, but quickly wrapped his arms around you, holding you against his chest tightly. He could feel you shaking slightly in his arms, and he gently began running a hand over your back in a soothing manner.
"I'm sorry… I'm really sorry." He repeated softly as he cradled you in his arms, feeling the guilt and regret weighing on him heavily.
“I know…and I forgive you.”
Seungmin tightened his hold on you, his heart swelling with relief at your words. You forgave him… and he was so grateful for that. He pulled back a bit to look down at your face, cupping your cheek gently. His eyes searched for any hint of anger or lingering hurt but there was none. Seeing your tired, yet slightly tear-stained face, his heart ached. He reached up with his other hand to gently brush away a few stray tears on your cheek.
"You're crying…" He mumbled softly, his thumb gently stroking your skin. "I really don't deserve you, do I…?" He let out a sigh, shifting slightly so he could lie down on the bed with you cradled in his arms.
“You're comfortable…it's making me sleepy…" You whisper, the sound muffled by his hoodie.
He continued to stroke your hair and caress your back soothingly, "Yeah? Then sleep… I'm not going anywhere."
“I love you…” You whisper to him
Seungmin's heart clenched at your words. Hearing those words from you again after all the coldness between you two hit him like a wave. He tightened his hold on you a bit more, pulling you even closer, and buried his face in your hair once more.
"I love you too.." he mumbled against your head, his voice filled with a mixture of regret, love, and relief. "So much… I really, really love you…"
Despite these past few days he didn't need to tell you he loved you because you would never doubt his love for you, and he would never doubt your love for him.
261 notes ¡ View notes