Age:23Ult bias: Kim's Seungmin You can call me Apple or KiwiI listen to SKZ, TXT, ITZY, AESPA, and a little bit of RIIZE, ENHYPEN, and New Jeans
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For me, writing fics is doable but the first sentence paragraph might as well be hell
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Skz Calling You Clingy Part 2
Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.
Part 1
Authors note: I tried to finish it fast but, you know, life. I tagged everyone who asked for a part 2. I will start the other members at some point.
Warning: none I think
Taglist: @jazziwritesthings @luckymilkshakerebel @lcmonriize @galaxy4489
Word count: 963
It's been 3 days since he snapped at you. You've been giving him space like he asked, not going to the door when he comes home, not asking him about his day, not texting him reminding him to eat and drink enough water, and not clinging onto him before going to sleep. You still cook dinner for him, your mind wouldn't leave you alone unless you knew he had a warm home-cooked meal at the end of the day, however, you no longer try bringing him the food, you just leave it covered on the table for him to eat when he comes home. You've been so distant with him that it feels like walking on eggshells whenever you are in the same room.
Seungmin had been feeling extremely guilty for snapping at you. He regretted it ever since the moment it happened but he was stubborn and prideful and hated having to admit when he was wrong. But with each day that passed, he could tell how hurt you were, and it was eating him up inside. His heart ached every time he came home to find the house quiet, with no sign of you even being there. It felt like he was living alone, and he hated it. He missed your presence, your voice, your laughter, everything about you.
Tonight was the same as the past 3 nights. He came home from practice late and found dinner on the table, but there was no sign of you, you must've been asleep already, he thought. He sat at the table and began to eat, the food was good but cold, you must've made it a while ago.
He ate it all anyway.
After finishing his meal, Seungmin sat there for a few minutes, staring at the empty chair across from him. He really wished you were sitting there right now, talking to him about your day, or just sitting in comfortable silence. He could no longer deny it, something needed to be fixed. Seungmin needed to talk to you, apologize, and make things right again. With a heavy heart, he forced himself to get up and head to the bedroom. Opening the door quietly, he looked around the room and spotted a lump under the covers, confirming you were asleep.
Seungmin moved closer to the edge of the bed, sitting down gently so he wouldn't wake you up. He took a moment to just look at your peaceful sleeping form and it made his heart ache even more. You were always sleeping by the time he came home nowadays. You were avoiding him, it was all his fault for lashing out.
Taking a deep breath, he spoke quietly, "Hey⌠Are you awake?â He waited a few seconds for you to respond but you stayed motionless and silent. He wasn't sure if you were pretending to be asleep, but he decided just to talk anyway, "I know you're mad at me⌠And you have every right to be. I was being an ass when I yelled at you. I'm really sorry." He paused for a moment, taking another deep breath before continuing.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was just tired and in a bad mood⌠That's no excuse though. I was being a jerk to you for no reason⌠I understand if you don't wanna talk to-"
He was cut off when you rolled over and threw yourself onto him.
Seungmin's heart skipped a beat as you suddenly threw yourself onto him. He was caught off guard at first, but quickly wrapped his arms around you, holding you against his chest tightly. He could feel you shaking slightly in his arms, and he gently began running a hand over your back in a soothing manner.
"I'm sorry⌠I'm really sorry." He repeated softly as he cradled you in his arms, feeling the guilt and regret weighing on him heavily.
âI knowâŚand I forgive you.â
Seungmin tightened his hold on you, his heart swelling with relief at your words. You forgave him⌠and he was so grateful for that. He pulled back a bit to look down at your face, cupping your cheek gently. His eyes searched for any hint of anger or lingering hurt but there was none. Seeing your tired, yet slightly tear-stained face, his heart ached. He reached up with his other hand to gently brush away a few stray tears on your cheek.
"You're cryingâŚ" He mumbled softly, his thumb gently stroking your skin. "I really don't deserve you, do IâŚ?" He let out a sigh, shifting slightly so he could lie down on the bed with you cradled in his arms.
âYou're comfortableâŚit's making me sleepyâŚ" You whisper, the sound muffled by his hoodie.
He continued to stroke your hair and caress your back soothingly, "Yeah? Then sleep⌠I'm not going anywhere."
âI love youâŚâ You whisper to him
Seungmin's heart clenched at your words. Hearing those words from you again after all the coldness between you two hit him like a wave. He tightened his hold on you a bit more, pulling you even closer, and buried his face in your hair once more.
"I love you too.." he mumbled against your head, his voice filled with a mixture of regret, love, and relief. "So much⌠I really, really love youâŚ"
Despite these past few days he didn't need to tell you he loved you because you would never doubt his love for you, and he would never doubt your love for him.
#đđĽâs post#seungmin x reader#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin fanfic#seungmin imagine#seungmin imagines#kim seungmin angst#seungmin angst#kim seungmin x you#seungmin fluff#seungmin hurt/comfort
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Skz Calling you clingy
Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.
Warning: Angst, stressed Seungmin, Hurt/no comfort
Authors note: This was supposed to be a drabble but turned into 800 words whoops. I want to do one for every member but no promises, also lmk if you want a part 2 but once again, no promises. Not proof read.
Word count: 797
Seungmin typically isn't one for physical affection. You knew this. He knew this. But there are some times when he allows it and even yearns for it. Those days are when you had a bad day or early in the mornings before he leaves for work. Little did you know, today was not one of those days. Today, you had a long day at work but decided to surprise Seungmin with his favorite meal, Kimchi Stew. It was a bit harder to make than you thought so it took a little longer than usual to get dinner done which was fine because he was coming home late. An hour had already passed by the time Seungmin arrived home. You heard him putting the keys in and went to stand by the door to greet him. Once he walked through the door you leaned forward to hug him but he pushed you away.
Oh. OkayâŚ
He's not in the mood for affection right now.
âWhat's wrongâŚâ You tentatively ask
Seungmin looked exhausted as he took off his coat and hung it up, "Nothing, just tired."
âI made dinner, itâs your favoriteâŚâ
Seungmin sighed and took off his shoes, "I'm not really hungry right now."
He didn't even look you in the eye as he walked past you to drop his bag down in the living room before coming back and going to the hallway by the stairs, "I'm gonna go take a shower." Normally he'll at least give you a hug and a small kiss on the forehead after arriving home, but he hasn't even given an extra glance your way. The bathroom door shuts slowly and the sound of the shower turning on is heard soon after. You don't put his food away just yet, hoping he would calm down and come to eat after he got out of the shower. Eventually, after about 20 minutes you heard the sound of the shower stop and Seungmin getting dressed, but he didn't exit the bathroom for a while. When he did he came out with a plain t-shirt and some sweatpants, his hair still wet.
"Iâm gonna go lie down." He announced shortly, not looking at you as he made his way from the bathroom over to the bedroom. Before you could respond you heard the bedroom door click behind him and soon you were left all alone with your thoughts. You walk over to the kitchen and wrap up the food you make him before putting it in the fridge along with your own, having lost your appetite a while ago. Some time had passed by when you decided to go check on Seungmin. Knocking softly on the bedroom door, you slowly opened it and entered. Closing the door behind you quietly, you looked over to the bed where Seungmin was lying down and staring up at the ceiling. You thought that now would be the perfect time to get some love and affection from him, so you crawled into bed beside him and tried to cuddle into his side.
Seungmin tensed up slightly as you snuggled up beside him and you could tell he was not in the mood to mess around. Judging from the way he was clenching his fist, he looked pissed.
He didn't look at you when he spoke, "Oh my god! Can I have a fucking moment to myself for once! You've been fucking clinging to me ever since I got home!" Your face fell at his words and you sat up. Seungmin's outburst wasn't completely unexpected, but it still hurt. You had only been trying to show him some love and comfort, but it was clear that your actions had backfired and only made him angrier.
Seungmin sat up as well, his back against the headboard, and ran a hand through his hair, "I just came home after a long day of practice and all I want is to have some peace. Is that too much to ask for?"
"NoâŚIâm sorryâŚ" you mumble before shuffling away to lie down on the other side of the bed, your back now facing him. All you wanted to do was show your boyfriend some love after he got home but this is what you get instead.
Seungmin rolls his eyes and lets out an annoyed sigh, "God! Can you just leave me alone? Give me some spaceâŚplease."
He laid back down and tucked an arm under his head as he stared up at the ceiling again. Eventually, he gets up again and says, "I'm going to sleep on the couch." Those were the last words he said before leaving the room. The second you hear the door shut you let your tears fall freely.
If he wants space then you'll give him space.
#đđĽâs post#seungmin x reader#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin fanfic#seungmin imagine#seungmin imagines#kim seungmin angst#seungmin angst#kim seungmin x you#seungmin hurt/no comfort
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when the fic has over 200 likes but only has 13 reblogs and not a single one of those reblogs are tagged
No but on a serious note, reblogs do nothing if they arenât tagged because the tags are what make them show up on peoples blog, so thank you to everyone who reblogged and left a like but please please please put tags so other people can actually find it, if you dont feel like typing a bunch of tags you can just copy the tags the writer puts and past them straight into the tag sections
okay Iâm done rambling now
#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#chan x reader#lee know x reader#changbin x reader#hyunjin x reader#han x reader#felix x reader#seungmin x reader#i.n. x reader
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Today I saw fake texts where someone uses a slur just casually in conversation ._. I lost the post so I can't even message the author and be like hey that's....not cool ._.
Recently I've seen several concerning things, including slurs, racism, and sexualization of minors and whether fictional or not it's not okay. People read fics to escape and have a good time, how do you think someone's gonna feel reading about their favorite idol and then they get called a slur??? Or have one of their idols say some racist rhetoric against them???? And no adult should ever be thinking about minors in a sexual way, it's morally, ethically, and legally wrong.
You need to hold yourself accountable. If you think anything I said can apply to you, it's up to you to address and fix it. This is not okay.
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part seven // serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader
WC: 13.6k
RATING: mature/explicit/mdniâcontains: seungmin's worst memory. death & murder. domestic/child abuse. medical settings, medication usage, hallucinations, & shared delusions. more murder. fluff...& sex.
COMMENTS: I reached 600 followers a few days ago, so thank you guys for liking my stuff enough to deal with me âĄ
⥠please keep your comments, tags, & reblogs spoiler free for other readers!
⥠please support by reblogging
[ ML â DEITY MASTERLIST AND TAGLIST ]
TAGLIST: @kkamismom12/ @r0tt1n/ @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz / @reignessance
đđŽđ§đ đđđđĄ, đđđđ
The rain stopped sometime during the night, but it pelted against the roof and windows, and it kept him awake for hours. Usually, the steady sound lulls him to sleep, but last night was differentâthere was nothing relaxing about that downpour. He does remember waking after his first time dozing off, though, and it was eerily silent with the sound of the rain suddenly gone. But he knows he heard something...it, right outside his window, walking around on the wet, muddy ground.
The first thing he does in the morning is run to his window to open the curtains and let the sun in. The second thing he does is look at the ground in front of the bushes. Deer tracks, he thinks. Heâs not good with the local fauna, but he knows they arenât human footprints. Seungmin doesn't know what lives in those woods, and he doesnât go in anymore to find out.
Seungmin-ah!
âIâm up, Iâm coming!â He quickly rifles through his drawer and pulls out a change of clothes. âIâm coming!â Just as he starts toward the door, he turns and heads back to his bed to throw the covers back up, fluff up his pillow, and grab Daengmo.
âCome get some breakfastâ
The door creaks as he pulls it halfway shut, and he bolts down the long hallway toward the kitchen, slipping a little in his socks. Seungmin stops abruptly when he hears the door to his left swing open, and his stomach drops.
âSlow downâ
He doesnât want to look up at him, but he has to, so he gets it over with quickly. âIâm sorryâŚaââ he stops himself. Even after so much time has passed, calling him appa is still a reflex. Heâs the only father Seungmin can remember. âIâm sorry.â But stepfather doesnât like it coming from Seungminâs mouth anymore.
âBreakfast isnât going anywhere, and neither is your mother.â He passes by him, but not before ripping Daengmo from under his arm, âarenât you too old for this yet?â Daengmo stares blankly at him, and he stares back with a grimace. Seungmin heart starts to race just as the dog is dropped at his feet. âShould have left this stupid thing out there instead.â
Because he would have never found his way home.
âThere you are, my sleepy puppyâ
âThe rain kept me up, ummaâ
She sets a bowl of seaweed soup in front of Seungmin, and then another bowl full of rice. âI scrambled some eggs, too, if youâre hungry enough.â Her hand runs down the side of his head to try and flatten out his bed hair.
âYes, please,â he smiles at her when she returns with a plate.
âAnd some of the strawberries we picked up yesterday.â
âDid you already eat?â
âI did. As soon as youâre ready, weâll go replant some more flowers.â
*
The greenhouse is hot and humid, but he likes it. He loves the warm months when the plants and flowers come to life, and he loves fall, when the chrysanthemums bloom, and the asters and the marigolds hang on a little longer. Itâs always bright and pretty in here, at least until winter creeps in and scares almost everything away.
âCome here, loveâŚhold this for meâ
Seungmin drops to his knees and holds the big mound of dirt in his hands. âWhat are these?â
âJapanese irisâ
âAnd those?â
âCamelliaâ
A crash from outside grabs his attention, and he almost drops his iris bud before the pot is ready.
âHey puppy, look at meâŚdonât worry about himâ
âIâm notâ
She looks at him, a smile on her face, but eyes full of worry. Seungmin worries all the time, and she knows that. He worries more than any nine year old ever should, and all she wishes for is a chance to take him somewhere far away and never look back. No more worry, and no more fear. âItâs just us, okay? Me and you.â
âYeah, just usâ
The rain starts again, first a slow drop here and there, and gradually, it turns into a downpour. Again, he hears a crash, and even over the deafening sound of rain, he hears his stepfather screaming at nothing in his shed.
âThe rain will ruin his day, but not oursâ
âAre we planting more of those?â He points to the bright purple flowers in the corner.
âDo you like those? Theyâre my favorite.â
âThey smell niceâ
âThey do, but they donât like this weather. Heliotrope needs lots of sun and a little less rain.â
Seungmin pouts.
âThat doesnât mean we wonât tryâ
The ultrasound room is freezing, and the blanket they put over you is pulled all the way up to your chin. Itâs not helping, though. Seungmin slides his jacket off and sets it on top, and his warmth still trapped inside finally helps you stop shivering.
âWhatâs taking them so long?â He grumbles.
You shrugâthis is only your second time in a Korean hospital, but youâre kind of used to waiting when you go to an emergency room, or a doctorâs appointment. The two of you decided the drive back home the next morning instead of revisiting the hospital in Daegu, mostly because Seungmin was eager to get you back to the bed youâve gotten used to, and back to where he could access the contents of his bank account. Uljin can wait another week or two, he said. Time to resettle and clean up any messes left behind. And you know he also wanted to find a doctor close to home as soon as possible.
âIt hasnât been that long, itâs okayâ
âLong enough. And itâs too cold in here. Maybe we can look for another doctor.â
âLetâs at least meet her first. It seems nice here."
*
The apartment looked fine, but it was easy to tell things were moved around. Everything was just slightly off.
âI canât believe the missing piece of rug wasnât suspicious.â You look hard at the spot where the kill from that night bled out. Thereâs no reason to think this was cut because of anything more than a bad spill.
âYeah, and the spot where the girl fell.â Seungmin stands there and looks at the bare floor. âIâm really glad you didnât pull that knife out.â
âI used to watch a lot of crime dramas. I still do, just Korean ones."
âThatâs how you knew how to stab?â
âI also watched a lot of Datelineâ
He cocks an eyebrow at you.
âTrue crimeâ
âOh, thatâs meâŚtrue crime. Well, thatâs us now.â
âUs? Thatâs romantic.
*
Thereâs a soft knock on the door, and an older woman, the ultrasound tech, walks in and greets both of you.
âMother speaks only English? I can speak English.â
âThank you.â You slide Seungminâs jacket off and hand it back to him.
âIt should be warmer soon, we turned the heat upâ
Youâre nervous, but you know that Seungmin is even more nervous. From the corner of your eye, you see him hugging his jacket tight as the woman guides your legs up and open, carefully drapes another blankets across your knees, and adjusts the machine on your right.
âI thought you got the little wand on your stomach,â he says, and his eyes move back and forth between you and your wide open legs.
The woman answers first. âNot this one. This gives us a better look, because itâs still early.â
âOhâ. Seungmin watches her every move as she preps, but eventually finds your hands and squeezes it. âAre you warmer?â
You nod, but now all of your attention is on her and the wand in her hand. âYeah, Iâm good.â
âAre you ready? Take a nice deep breath, and relax."
đđŽđ§đ đđđđĄ, đđđđ
More rain, Seungmin thinks as he pushes himself deeper under his blanket. The slow pings start against his window, and he watches as it beats against the glass, harder and harder. The rain never bothered him much before, and itâs not really the rain thatâs making sleep so difficult. The problem is what seems to be right outside of his window when the rain comes. Seungmin canât see it, he doesnât thinkâŚhe feels it. Sometimes he thinks he sees the outline of something moving just beyond the bushes, and sometimes he thinks he sees the reflection of glowing eyes.
If he mentioned it to umma, and he might, she would probably tell him itâs just a deer. She would say pull the curtains closed, puppyâŚif it eases your mind. And thatâs just what he does. After a few seconds of working up the courage, he jumps from under his cover and runs to the window, pulls the curtains closed, and then runs and jumps back into his warm bed.
âBetter,â he whispers to himself, and just as he closes his eyes, the shatter of glass sends him back up. He sits and stares at his door and waits for another sound.
âYou donât listen!â
Stepfather is screaming, and thatâs nothing new. The soft voice of his mother trickles in as she tells him to please keep his voice down, please donât wake Seungmin.
âHe doesnât listen, either. He can hear this, too. I thought I got rid of these!â
Got rid of what? Seungmin thinks.
âHe picked them out at the bookstore yesterday. Heâs doing so wellâŚheâs so smart.â
âIs he? I donât see it.â
âHeâs a good boyâ
âGive them to me, all of them. And whatever else you spent my money on.â
Seungmin feels tears welling in his eyes, and he tries with everything he has to hold them back. He tries with everything he has to stay put and not run out there and stop him.
âWe only bought groceries, and the booksâŚnothing elseâ
âDonât lie to meâ
He hears a slap, and his mother makes another quiet soundâŚand his tears start to fall. âUmma, weâll leave soonâŚyou and me.â
Itâs not as bad as you anticipated, but you still grip the hand he gave you. A few seconds of nothing, and then something appears on the screen. You donât know what youâre looking at, though, because ultrasound images always confused you. Itâs nothing but static, and a big black blob that you at least know is where something is supposed to be.
âCan you see?â She asks, and looks at you, and then she looks at Seungmin. âThereâŚon the bottom left. I would say seven weeks, almost eight.â She moves the wand again, and you squeeze his hand a little harder. âOhâŚjust a moment. Iâm sorry, dear.â
âWhat is it?â Seungmin moves closer, pushes his glasses up, and squints. He doesnât know what heâs looking at, either.
The woman pushes a button on the machine, and you hear the strange, whooshing sound come through. You know what it is, just not from personal experienceâa wild heartbeat. And the sound of an actual heart beating makes everything feel very real, very quickly.
She smiles at you with a little hesitancy, and then points at a new spot on the right side of the screen. âNumber two is right here. And the first one isâŚhere.â
âTwo?"
âDul?â
âYes,â she nods, âyeâŚdul. You have twins, illanseong ssangdung-i.â
âIdentical?â Seungmin stares, and he starts to crush your fingers until you shake him loose. âSorry.â
âHow do you know theyâre identical? Are you sure there are two?â
âIâm sure, I have seen many many twins on here. We can check again at your next visit, and also let you know sexâŚif you want to know, in another four or five weeks.â
*
After hearing the second round of unexpected news, you get into bed and sleep for hours. It's the first time in a while you can remember having a completely dreamless sleep, but it doesn't seem the time for that. Right now, your head should be too full to stop.
The sun is mostly set when you finally make yourself get up, and the smell of food coming from the kitchen pulls you back out. You know
âAre you making dinner?â
âHi, yesâŚdid you sleep well?â
âI did. It smells so good in here.â
He lights up and grabs three bowls from the cupboard, âdoes it, really? I havenât tried making kimchi jjigae in a very long time.â Seungmin fills two bowls with stew, and the third he piles high with rice. âI hope it tastes okay.â
đđŽđ§đ đđ-đđđđĄ, đđđđ
The familiar smell of his favorite stew wafts into his bedroom, and heâs on his way down the hall before his mother even calls for him.
âCome here, give me a hug,â she holds her arms open, and Seungmin hugs her tight around the waist. âYouâre getting so tall, youâre not gonna be a little puppy much longer.â
âI can be a tall one,â he looks up and sees the bruise he left on her cheek.
âYouâre right, you canâŚgo sit, Iâll bring us both a bowl.â
âWhere is he?â
Itâs as if Seungmin summons him with his words. A moment later, heâs coming in through the side door, pulling off his wet raincoat, and getting out of his shoes. The worst sound in the world for Seungmin is hearing his stepfather return home. But tonight he doesnât say a word. He walks through the kitchen and looks around blankly, makes himself a bowl of dinner, and disappears into another room. Itâs not unusual for him.
âGood,â she sits down next to him, âjust the two of us.â
The rain finally lets up tonight, and he can fall asleep easilyâno sounds outside, no footsteps or strange feelings. Silence. And Seungmin sleeps perfectly until he opens his eyes to the clock by his bedâŚ12:10 am. He stares at it until it turns to 12:11, and then 12:12. There are footsteps outside. Loud, muddy, and heavy. But not in front of his windowâthese are somewhere in the distance, maybe on the far side of the house. At 12:15, he finds enough courage to get up and peek through the slit in his curtain, but all he can see from here is darkness and the reflection of his pale face; the tops of pine trees against a blue-black sky, finally clear. He thinks he sees a shadow run by in the distance, but itâs just his imagination starting to run. Itâs in my head, umma said itâs in my headâŚthereâs nothing in the woods.
âUmma?â
He thinks he hears her calling him, but as soon as itâs quiet again, heâs convinced that was also in his mind. Still, he heads for the door and pulls it open just a crack to listen. Nobody is ever up this late except for him when he canât sleep. A mumble, barely, reaching him through the thick, humid air.
ââŚyou made me do thisâŚâ
Seungmin recognizes that voice, even from this far away.
ââŚIâll have to do it againâŚthat bratâ
Itâs impossible to get back into bed now. He needs to know whatâs going on. The first thing he does after tiptoeing down the hallway is open their bedroom door, but itâs too dark to see anything. A few more steps in, and he can now tell that the bed is empty, the blankets are a mess.
âUmmaâŚwhere are you?â
Seungmin heads toward the kitchen and looks around, knocks on the bathroom door. He reaches for his coatâŚhe can hear the rain starting again, and pulls on his boots. The few lights on outside help his eyes just enough, and he catches movement in the shed a few yards away. Why is he in the shed so late at night? Umma wouldnât be out here with him, Seungmin knows thatâŚwhere are you? he thinks. He thinks it so loudly, and is body trembles with his unknown fear. Why arenât you in bed? Why are you outside so late in the rain?
The muddy grass gives way to his boots, and he sinks in as he tries to walk...he slips, and a few times, stops to gather himself before moving again. The ground is more solid as he approaches the shed, and he can tell now that the one light shining out is the oil lamp that lives on the windowsill. Itâs so bright coming out through the cracks, and the view looking in is clear. Seungminâs eye finds the perfect spot to peer in and see what his stepfather is doingâŚ
âAre you in here?â He whispers, unsure, but his voice shakes.
His stepfather looks back, and Seungmin freezes, but his breath comes out shallow and ragged and loud. âOut of bed? Of course you are.â The door swings open, and the hand that grabs his shirt collar is wet with mud, and something else.
âUmma!â
Seungmin is thrown hard against the wall, face first, and hits the floor with so much force, he feels a tooth chip. He sees blood on him, and he tastes what pours from his nose and lip, but he doesnât care.
âSeungminâŚrun away from himâ
He crawls to her, and stepfathers presence looms just like the creature in the woods, ready to snatch him back at any moment.
âWe have to go,â Seungmin whispers and touches her hair, âplease we have to go.â
âI love you so much, SeungminâŚyou have to run, you have to get away from himâ
âI canât leave you hereâ
âPlease runâŚmy sweet boyâŚâ
âUmma I canât leave you hereâ
âHeâll kill you, too.â
âWe have to goâ
âPlease remember how much I love you.â
Everything goes black and quiet, and the last thing he sees is her pleading eyes.
But then, the sound of dirt. A shovel, hacking and digging. Seungmin squeezes his fingers just to see if he can, and he fills his fist with dirt and rock. The back of his head throbs, and the warm, itchy sting of blood in his hair and on his neck reminds him of where he is. A gasp for air, a cough, and he almost chokes on it as he turns to his side. Everything is a blur, but he blinks it away and finds something to focus onâa bright blue bucket, and next to it is a small plank of wood, maybe the thing that knocked him out.
The irritated grumbles of his stepfather mix with the shk shk of the shovel as he digs. How could he possibly turn and look at whatâs happening behind him? Seungmin can figure out whats going on, and why heâs digging a hole. He canât come face to face with it. He looks around again, and his eyes land on the assorted tools that have ended up in here over the years: pruners, old rusty garden shears his mother tried to throw out, rolls of chicken wire and razor wire, bags of grass seed and weed killerâthings he and umma have no use for in the greenhouse. The hand tiller, though, that he recognizes, and he remembers holding this very tool in his hands several times before.
Sharp and straight on one end, three pointed claws on the otherâitâs as long as his arm and itâs not very heavy, butâŚitâs heavy enough. As quietly and slowly as possible, he crawls the six or seven feet to where it hangs on a protruding nail, and as he wraps his fingers around the wooden handle, he peeks over his shoulder. His stepfathers back is to him, thankfully, hunched over and pushing dirt with his shovel, so Seungmin grips it and rolls himself to face him. Now, if he can stand without fallingâwithout passing outâŚ
You smile and wait for him to open his eyes again. He has his hands clasped tight in front of him, as if heâs praying. Maybe he is praying. A smile grows as he sits there silently, and he laughs at himself when his eyes pop open.
âIâm sorry, should I have joined in?â
âOh, I was justâŚtalking to myself for a moment. Sending something out.â
âWere you praying?â
âSort ofâŚno, not exactlyâ
âItâs okay, you donât have to explainâ
âThis was the last thing she made for me, the last meal we had together.â
The stew looks very different when you look at it now. Seungmin looks different, because the wave of memories washing over him paralyze him for a moment. âIs this her recipe?â
âYes. I have a few of her recipe cards in the drawer, but I can never make anything quite right.â
âWell, itâs very good, even if itâs not perfect. What was her name?â
âSoo-ji. SujiâŚor Susie. Her English name was Susie.â
âEnglish name? Oh right, she lived in the states. Did she choose that? Do you have an English name?â
âYes, she chose Susie. I have one, but Iâve never used it. Iâve never had to.â
âWhat is it?â
He smiles and drops his gaze to his food. âSky. Iâm not sure why I chose that, butâŚSky.â
âI doâ
Seungmin looks at you again, eyes wide, âyeah?â And his eyes grow even more as he waits. âDo I look like a sky?â
âYou look like a sky. And everything in it.â
âEverything?â
âThe sun, and the moonâŚthe clouds, all the starsâ
âAre you trying to make me blush?â
âThe butterfliesâŚthe beesâ
He cups his cheeks in his hands and laughs.
âCanât grow the flowers without youâ
A hitch in his breath makes your heart thump, and his hands cover the rest of his face. You canât tell if it was another laugh, or something else.
âSeungmin?â He doesnât answer, but you hear a sniffle, and you stand and move to his side of the table. âHeyâŚwhatâs the matter?â Youâre more confident in your actions now, so grabbing his shoulders and pulling him against you happens without a second thought. âDid I say something?â
âNo, sorryâŚI donât know what happenedâ
âWas that too much? Iâm too much sometimes.â
âNo, please donât think thatâ
He squeezes and pushes his face into you, and you feel his tears coming through the fabric of your shirt. Something triggered them, but heâs also long overdue for a lot of good cries. You donât mind getting some out of him.
âUmma always told me that when we worked together in the greenhouseâŚI canât grow the flowers without you, puppy.â
âShe was right. My moonflowers seem pretty happy in the window. And...Puppy?â
Seungmin pulls away and sniffs, but he doesnât look at you yet. He looks at the hanging basket in the kitchen window. Itâs still small, but it grew even while it was left here on its own. âShe loved giving me nicknames, but I was always puppy."
âLook at me,â you pinch his chin and guide his eyes up to yours. âYeah, I saw that photo of you when you were seven, I think. You looked like a puppy then, and you still do.â
âWhat photo?â
âFrom the boxes in your closet. I found them when I was packing our stuff. I saw some baby photos.â
âBabiesâŚâ he whispers to himself. You spoke about it on the way home, and a little before you fell asleep, mostly his concern about you now carrying two instead of one. âWhat exactly makes them identical?â
The tech didnât go into detail, and you canât meet your doctor until Monday, so Seungmin has been left hanging on the finer points of the pregnancy so far.
âIdentical twins are one fertilized egg, split in two. Always the same sex, or usually. They share one placentaâŚthatâs why they werenât separated in there, that's how she knew.â
âSo two boysâŚor two girls. Our fertilized egg split in half? Like yin and yangâŚsort of. Yin is the moon, and Yang is the sun. Still opposite, not identical, I guess.â
âLike us. Youâre the sunâŚjust like what your flowers need, and you seem to have made me the moon.â
âYeah..." He looks at your flowers again. "Tokki.â
âSkyâ
His legs hold him up, and despite his throbbing, blood soaked head, he moves slowly toward the lamp light, the whole in the ground, and the hunched over shape of his stepfather. This is his only chance, and if he misses, or doesnât do it well enough, thatâs itâŚbut it doesnât matter. Seungmin doesnât care if he dies, because sheâs gone, and thereâs nothing left for him. Heâd be better off in the ground.
The hesitation as he grips the handle evaporates when he raises the tiller high above his head. One chance. He puts everything he has, every bit of anger and sadness and despair behind the single blow that finds the nape of his stepfathers neck. The sharp straight edge is even sharper than Seungmin thought, and it sinks in deep. The spatter of blood gets everywhereâin his eyes, his mouth, and he somehow yanks it right back out. Some supernatural strength moves through him, because he has to do this. Another swing, this time to his chest as he turns and falls to the ground.
âY-youâŚâ he sputters and coughs more blood. ââŚyou baâŚbastâŚâ
Seungmin wonders if it's the shock, or if he cut something in his neck that finally shut him up. He canât seem to get his words out. âBastard?â
The tiller goes up, and then down one more time. And he doesnât say another word. The shed is silent now, except for the rain, and the drip drip coming through the cracks in the roof. It takes everything he has in him to shift his eyes to the rightâto the half filled hole right next to him, and when he finally does, the emptiness that washes over him brings him to his knees. What could possibly describe this? He doesnât know. Seungmin doesnât know the words, not in Korean or English. He canât even cry. What he can do is gently step into the shallow grave and place his hands on her again, and heâs relieved to feel her warmth still, and the softness of her pale skin and hair.
âUmma, can you still hear me?â Seungmin knows she canât. His mother is gone, and her last words come right back to him. âHeâs gone nowâŚheâs gone. He wonât hurt us anymore.â
And she canât be here, in this shed, in this disgusting hole he made for her. He wonât let her rest here foreverânot for another minute. Fortunately he didnât get far covering her. Seungmin pushes the dirt away as best as he can, but he doesnât know if heâs strong enough for this. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and hugs her against his chest, pulls again, and rests her limp body against the side as he climbs back out.
Carefully, very carefully, he holds her around the waist, rests her back against him, and lifts until all but her legs are up and out of her would-be grave. No shoes on her feet, and wearing nothing but her nightgownâŚhis stepfather dragged her outside straight from the bed they shared and did this. What filled him with so much rage tonight? Seungmin wonders if it was something he did. But he doesnât stop to wonder long. The empty grave can only be good for one thing now, so Seungmin pushes, and pushes, and it takes so much more strength than it did to lift her out. One more push, and he falls with a thud, and the tiller goes in with him.
He dug this shallow hole, so he can put it to use.
Now he finally stops to catch his breath, but the humid air is hard to suck into his lungs. He slows down, breaths through his nose, holds it inâŚlets it go the way his mother taught him when he started to feel overwhelmed and anxious. It doesnât calm a single nerve in his body tonight, but he at least feels the oxygen move through his blood and into his muscles, and more importantly, into his brain. He finishes this first; shoves the dirt on him, and it feels like hours later when heâs satisfied with the job heâs done. It's not the best, but it's far more than he deserves.
âNow what, umma? I donât know what to do.â
âŚă Ë ă Ë âś ËăăăâŚăăă.ă
The greenhouse? he thinks to himself. Did he think it, or did he hear it?
âI can take you to the greenhouse. Would that be alright?â
Yes. Where else but the greenhouse, with the flowers the two of them spent all spring and summer planting and watering and growing? Seungmin reaches for her, and he watches as his hand starts to tremble. It moves up his arm and his shoulders; his chest tightens, and his whole body shivers; his stomach spins, and he turns and crawls away to vomit, but nothing comes out. He dry heaves until his stomach finally settles, but now his head feels like it might explode.
Her nightgown is already covered in dirt, but he refuses to drag her through the mud, so he grabs a blanket from the house to help his trip down the yard. The view almost makes him sick againâthe gentle sway of her feet as he pulls. But the wet ground makes it easier, and faster than he expected.
Everything he needs to dig a grave is right here. Thereâs a plot of loosened dirt right by the heliotrope, because that was tomorrowâs job, and Seungmin looks at it and wonders againâŚwonders if this is where umma is supposed to rest right now. He starts the long process of shoveling away at the dirt, and he has a feeling this will take him the rest of the night.
âWhat are you thinking about, Min?â
He jumps when he hears his name, and looks around like heâs forgotten where he is. âThinking about? Oh, nothingâŚI just had to shut off for a second.â
âI know something is going on in there. You donât have to, but you can tell me.â
Seungminâs face speaks louder than he ever can. Heâs still no good at hiding it.
âJust remembering things. I wish my head would listen to me when I ask it to forget.â
âThat would be nice, yeah. Maybe I can help take your mind off of it.â
A month flew by while you adjusted, both of you, to the news that two babies, not one, will be brought into this strange home. You spent a great deal of it in bedâtired, nauseated, and a mood that didnât know whether to go up or down. Usually up and down multiple times in one day, which Seungmin had a difficult time with. He was used to the balance you brought him, and now itâs been taken away by this pregnancy.
But still, he handled it well by the end of the first week or so, and he eventually turned into what you were for him. He cooked, or he ordered the closest he could find to homemade Korean food. Seungmin made sure you took all of your vitamins, and he let you see him take his medication every day again. The four weeks on his haldol is the longest heâs managed to keep up with it, and he thinks heâs finally gotten used to it. Whether or not itâs helping is still up in the air.
âTake my mind off of it? You must be feeling better.â
âI amâŚbut youâre not getting that. My appointments tomorrow, remember?â
âRight. We get to see them again.â
âWe get to see if there are actually two in thereâ
âAnd if theyâre boys or girlsâ
âDo you wanna know already, if they can tell?â
Seungmin assumed you wanted to know as much as he did, and as soon as possible, âyou donât?â But maybe not. âI guess I do, yeah.â
âIt feels so early. So much can still go wrong.â
His eyes drop to your stomach, and he resists the urge to reach out and set his hand there. âNothing will go wrong, everything will be okay. The first twelve weeks are the hardest, right?â
âYouâve been doing your researchâ
âThereâs a bookstore right by the market I went to this morning. I bought one,â he grabs one of the bags from the counter and digs around inside. âI bought a couple, actually.â He hands you the first oneâŚ
âTaegyo.â You flip through it, but itâs small, and in Korean.
âIâll read that one to youâto the three of you.â
The next one looks like a regular book on pregnancy, the kind youâve seen a million times before on bookstore and library shelves.
âI read some of that one already.â The last one he pulls out is the biggest.
âBaby namesâŚâ
âAnd their meanings. Am I getting ahead of myself? I am, Iâm sorry.â
âNo, youâre not. I know youâve been holding it in, Minnie. You donât have to keep hiding it.â
âHiding what?â
âYour excitement. Your joy. If youâre tiptoeing around it because I told you I didnât want to be pregnant before, I want you to stop.â
Seungmin takes the baby name book and holds it to his chest, and he seems a little lost for words. âOkayâŚâ
âI kind of knew you wanted this from the moment you found out about the first test. And Iâve already read up a little on Taegyo, so donât hold backâŚlet them know, too.â
He nods, and a smile creeps across his face. The hesitation is still there as he reaches his hand out to you, but he does. Nothing is happening in there yet, but his smile grows even wider as his fingers spread out, and his palm slides up, and then back down across your belly button.
âWeâll find out tomorrow, if they can see on the ultrasoundâ
âI should start cleaning out the spare bedroomâ
âWe have a spare bedroom?â
***
Seungmin canât hide his nerves this time. He paces back and forth in the tiny room, stopping every few laps to look at you and sigh. âTwenty minutes?â
âItâs barely been fifteen. Are you alright, did you get any sleep last night?â
He shakes his head and sits, finally. âNot much. My dreams always feel real, but last night wasâŚscary. I couldnât get out. I think I had, uhm, I couldnât move...â
âSleep paralysis?â
âYeah, I havenât had that in a whileâŚat least not that bad. I was stuck, but I could open my eyes, so I saw you sleeping next to me. That helped.â
âYouâve had a lot on your mind. Maybe you should take something tonight.â
A knock on the door interrupts, and itâs the same woman from your first ultrasound. âGood morning,â she smiles sweetly at you, and then to Seungmin, who has kept up the husband act since Daegu.
He took the little silver ring from his music box, the one you can only assume belonged to his mother, and tried it out on you while you were still half asleep. It fit nicely, and even though you told him it seemed too special for you to wear, he said it was just for today, for funâjust to play the part.
So now you spin it absently as you watch her set up her equipment. And Seungmin is nervous again as your shirt is lifted, and the blanket covering your hips is pulled down.
âAre you ready to see your twins?â
The image appears quickly, but takes a moment to look like anything recognizable to either of you. But then it starts making senseâŚ
âThere they are, very cozy togetherâ
âOh, I can see them, they look likeâŚlike babies.â Seungmin leans closer and squints, because he forgot his glasses this morning.
âThey are giving us a good view,â you say, âitâs doesnât look creepy like ultrasounds usually do.â
âAnd I can take a good guess at sex if youâre ready for thatâ
âUh, yes butâŚâ Seungmin looks at you, and you shake your head. âJust me. Can you tell just me?â
âMom isnât ready? No problem, Iâll write it down for you, and weâll keep it between us for now.â
She pulls a notepad out and scribbles onto it, rips it out, folds it, and hands it to him. You wait to see if heâll look now, or later, but he truly canât wait. He unfolds it, still careful not to let you see her messy hangul, and his face lights up as he stares at it. Seungmin hasnât mentioned preferring a son or a daughterâsons or daughtersâbut you imagine his face looking the same regardless of whatâs written on that paper. This is something he needed for it to feel real.
The sun hasnât started rising yet, but somehow, he did what he needed to do. He finished.
The ground here is soft, and itâs fertileâthis dirt has overheard some of the most important talks he had with umma, and itâs heard them both sing. This greenhouse, and the flowers inside have known only love and warmth and happiness.
Seungmin stares into her grave, and then to her.
The second blanket he brought with him is set neatly inside, and with what little strength remains in him, he moves her closer. Gently...a little clumsily, he lays her on top of it.
âSorry umma, Iâm so tired,â he sighs, and feels tears running down his dirt covered cheeks.
Now Seungmin takes his time picking a little bit of everything in bloom. An iris that finally opened. Japanese Kerria, goldenbell, mugunghwa, zinnia. The last flower he places with her is two loose bundles of heliotrope. The blanket corners are pulled across her, tucking the flowers in and keeping them safe as he kneels at the edge and thinks.
âThe sun will start rising soon, and I donât know what Iâll do,â he says to her. âWhat can I do?â
Seungmin waits for an answer, but nothing comes.
âI think I made things worse. Did I?â
no
âhuh...is that you?â
you had to save yourself
âI should have been able to save youâ
you couldnâtâŚyou werenât supposed toâŚbut youâre alive so I am too
âI canât finishâ
this will be the hardest thing you have to do, I promiseâŚjust one step at a time
Seungmin stands on shaky legs and grabs the shovel again. One step at a time, he thinks. âHanaâŚâ he starts, and grabs a pile of soft dirt and drops it carefully. âDulâŚsetâŚâ
aheunnesâŚaheundaseos
He drops to his knees and pushes the rest with his hands, pats it down, smoothes it out. But he leaves a few spots loose, and the freshly potted heliotrope is pulled out and placed there.
âPlease donât leave meâ
I wonât puppyâŚIâll always be next to you
The quarter moon still shines on him over the treetops as he makes his way further down the yard. He keeps goingâbeyond the makeshift trail and into the pine trees, and he walks until his legs canât carry him any longer. The clearing he comes to looks familiar, but itâs not the same one he was left inâthat would take him until sunrise to reach. This one should be fine, though. He finds a spot in the center and sits, and he waits.
âIâve lived here for almost four monthsâŚwhy didnât I know you had a second bedroom?â
âI guess you werenât looking for it.â Seungmin grabs either side of the emptied bookshelf and lifts. âAnd I closed it up after I moved in to keep myself out.â
âYou banned yourself from your spare bedroom?â
Heâs quiet as he turns and sets it against the wall, and again, he pulls out a key. Seungmin has at least a dozen different keys for even more locks, but he doesnât seem to have them organized or markedâhe just knows what goes where. This one is the only skeleton key, though. He slides it in, and opens the door with some cautionâŚand itâs not at all what you expect. The room is filled with light coming in through the sheer curtains, and itâs not a mess of unwanted things. Itâs a neatly organized room of maybe unwanted things.
âYes. More memories. Things I took from the old house and couldnât get rid of. Things that were left to me, things that were already here when I moved in.â
âSo you locked them awayâŚâ
âI finally have a reason to clean it out, I just donât know how easy itâll beâ
Boxes and boxes lined up against one wall. A small bed, a desk with a few things scattered on top. There are more books in here, too, and records and cassettes and cds. You think back to the drive home when you opened the center console of the Supra, and it was lined end to end with cassettes. All of these must have belonged to his dad, too.
âBoth of them are in here?â
âMostly dadâs stuffâŚbut yeah, theyâre both in hereâ
âMaybe we can go through it, and you can decide what you want to hold onto. Unless youâd rather do it aloneâŚâ
âNo, we can do it togetherâ
The first box you go for, the very top one closest to the window, gives off a subtly sweet aroma when you lift the lid. This is very obviously more of his motherâs belongings, and even though he wants you to do this with him, it still feels like an intrusion. But Seungmin probably knows where everything is in here, and when you stop to look at him, he just smiles.
âI can smell it...thereâs perfume in there, half of a bottle,â he says.
âIt smells nice.â Thereâs also a wooden comb and a brush, a hand mirror, and a few silk-looking scarves. All very personal, and all create a very close connection to herâŚbut none of it compares to her scent, and you donât think thatâs something he should part with. âYou should keep this. The perfume, at least.â
âI should, but I donât know where I would keep itâ
âI can clean up the living room closet, thereâs so much space in there. We can make a spot for what you decide to keep.â
âIâll have to put the suitcases and the plastic somewhereâŚthe other disposal stuffâ
âUhm, we seem to have a lot of things and not many places to put them even though the apartment is bigâŚoh, you have empty apartments!â At least you think he does. He mentioned how many were occupied before, but not how many were actually in the building.
âI do. I have thirteen empty apartments.â
Itâs now occurring to you how rarely you see the comings and goings of his tenants, but you donât leave often, and since coming back home, youâve gone out even less. Youâve been sleeping any chance you can get. âAny on this floor?â
âYeah, weâre alone up here. And directly below us is vacant, too.â
You have more space than you could ever need. âThat explains why youâre so loud sometimes.â
He gives you his usual nervous laugh and opens another box. Seungmin still gets shy, and youâre starting to think heâll be that way forever, but he has opened up a little more for the twins. The Taegyo book he gave you came in handy for him, and heâs been doing his best to stay on track with his medication, and to keep his mind somewhere safe. Every night in bed, he lies awake with you and talks to them. He doesnât say much, because you donât think he knows what to say.
But you donât expect him to be perfect, and you donât want him to be. You never had any intention of changing him, but if he does it on his own, you wonât stop him.
âNot lately,â he laughs again.
âItâs nice knowing weâre alone up here, though.â You walk over to the box heâs digging in, and this one is full of baseball cards, a glove, and a handful of ticket stubs.
âIt is. Maybe I should lower the rent and fill those other apartments up. Dad probably never had vacancies.â
âWere you born here? I mean, did you live in this apartment when you were a baby?â
âYeah, but we were on the third floor until her and I moved away withâŚhimâ
It seems like a complicated series of events, but you still donât want to pry too much. You donât want to ask why she remarried and moved away, and why they didnât stay here. But Seungmin tells you anyway.
âShe got the property, but he came along, and I assume he charmed and manipulated her, and they got married. She wanted to remarry, I know that muchâŚI guess for my sake. It just happened to be to the worst person imaginable.â
âHe moved you away?â
âYeah, and hoarded all of the money she made from the building. When she died, it became mine, but I was too young. I got everything when I turned eighteenâthe hoarded money, the property, and all of my dadâs things that got locked away in that third floor apartment.â
âAnd youâve been here ever sinceâ
Seungmin closes his eyes and nods, and when he opens them again, you can feel more trying to claw its way out; more secrets, more burdens, more things he hasnât had a chance to say out loud. âYeah, just going through the motions. Trying to get through the days and put them behind me.â
âI wonder where Iâd be if I hadnât run into you that morningâ
âSomewhere safe and happy, I hopeâ
âOr if you hadnât come back to find me, because I had no intention of testing you again even though I really wanted to see you.â
He searches your face as he moves closer to your spot on the floor. âTesting me?â
Youâve made yourself comfortable under the window, knees tucked up and arms pulled into your sweater. This room is much cooler, and the air is probably coming in right above you. âTrying to get you backâŚand being pushed away again."
âYou scared meâ
âMe? I scared you?â
âYes. Everything about youâŚfrom the moment you looked up at me and said yes, thank you.â
âWhy?â
He sits, rests his head on your shoulder and thinks for a moment. âIâm not sure. I knew I had a job to follow through withâŚâ Itâs been a while since either of you have reflected on your first meeting, and his intention to kill you. âAnd I kept thinking about that the whole time you let me keep you company.â
âWhen you left, I was a little upset because I thought you were gonna try somethingâŚbut you were good. And then, naturally, I got nervous and ran from our date. Guess itâs a good thing nothing happened either time."
âIâm not sure I ever had any desire to kill you. I kept telling myself I did, but I didnât do a single thing I typically would to get myself there.â His hold on you tightens, and you start to feel warm again. âI pushed you away because I was afraid of feeling the way I do now.â
âAre you still afraid?â
âSometimes. I donât get to keep things I love for very long.â
âOkayâŚno foreshadowing, I promise. Weâre not going anywhere. Youâre going to have three people to love, and to love you back. And youâll have enough for all of us.â
Seungmin waits, and waits. The moon starts to disappear from the cracks in the trees, and the little bit of light it seemed to scatter through the clouds disappears. Itâs truly dark now, because thereâs no sunrise coming for Seungmin yet. He hopes it never comes. If the sun stays asleep and the moon remains, heâll never have to face a single day without herâheâll never have the face the consequences of his actions. But he suspects heâs not that lucky, so he waits, and he lets out a long, monotone whistle.
A deep breath in, and another long whistle, and then heâs quiet again. A few moments pass, but eventually, he starts to hear the sound of footsteps crunching on the forest floor that managed to stay dry under the trees. Slow, heavy footsteps. Deep, shaking breaths. He canât look, but he knows itâs thereâŚSeungmin has felt it before, and heâs smelled it from his open bedroom window.
A snort makes him jump, and he mistakenly raises his head to look. All thatâs visible is shadow, but it moves easily through trees.
âIâm here,â Seungmin says loudly, but his voice trembles. âYou remember me.â A glimpse of eyes, just an amber colored streak moving and ducking behind a tree. âIâm ready to goâŚplease.â
It answers with another snort, another crunch of slow footsteps, but it doesnât show itself.
âPlease!â
Something else is hereâbehind him, beside him. Itâs steps lightly and quickly, and he sees it, a black cloud bouncing and moving like air. And then he sees anotherâŚa white whisp of a cloud, and this one is more visible as it darts past the trees. The white one gets closer as it circles him, and the black one follows far behind. He opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a whimper. His head swims, and his stomach turns, and before he hits the ground, Seungmin sees a set of blue eyes staring him down.
* * *
The bed shakes, and youâre out of your sleep immediately. The sour feeling in your stomach hits fast, but you hold it down when you see Seungminâs faceâhis forehead drips with sweat, his jaw and fists are clenched tight enough to break.
âMinnie?â You touch his forehead, and heâs cold. âMinnie, can you hear me?â
He groans, his face relaxes, and he starts to cry.
âSeungmin, pleaseâŚwake upâ
Please take meâŚIâm aloneâŚIâm all alone now
âYouâre not aloneâ
I have nothing left here
âMinnie, I know youâll hear me soon. Youâll hear me over whatever is going on in there.â
Iâm too scared to do it myself
You donât remember him ever speaking so clearly in his sleep before, and you donât like what he seems to be saying. âSeungmin, wake up.â
Finally, heâs out of it, but now he looks like heâs heading straight into a panic attack. He bolts up and struggles to catch his breath, looks around frantically in the dark room. Before you say another word, youâre up and around the bed, clicking the light on, digging in his drawer for his bottle of Xanax.
âMinnie, hey itâs okayâŚtake this.â You hand him his glass of water and hold the pill in front of him. âLook at me.â
He listens. You see his eyes move up and connect with yours, but heâs frozen and shivering as he parts his lips for you.
âEverythingâs okay, youâre safeâ
Seungmin is silent as he sips his water and slowly catches his breath, and he doesnât move when you climb across him and crawl back under the covers. He pulls his sweat-damp shirt over his head and throws it to the floor. âCan I sleep over there?â He asks as he works his way over. âGod, I sweat through everything.â
âCome here. Youâre so cold, get back under the covers.â
âThose dogsâ
âDogs?â
âThey werenât there, in the woods. Iâve never seen them before.â
âIn your dreams?â
Seungmin has had many dreams since youâve been here next to him, and theyâve been bad. Most have been manageable, some have been terrifying, but none have made him wake up like this before. âIt felt so real. Iâm afraid Iâll go back if I fall asleep again.â He sits up and rubs his face. The medicine will relax him soon, and hopefully help him fall into a dreamless sleep for a few more hours.
âDoes that usually happen?â
Everything about his dream, except for the very end, was a memoryâthe thing heâs afraid to tell you. Now doesnât seem the time or the place, but as he lies here and thinks, he wonders if a time and a place for that story will ever exist. âNo, but I donât usually dream about that partâŚand it wasnât off, like the dreams usually are. Everything seemed accurate, right down to the things we said to each other.â
âYou andâŚyour mom?â
âYeah. And the dogs, I donât know where they came from, or if they were helping or coming after me.â
âWas there a big white one?â
âA white one, and a black one. Iâve seen the black one before, just not in my dream.â
âRecently?â
âNo, it was the day I found out about your negative test. It lead me to where the box wasâŚah, how did I forget about that?â He looks at you, expecting the same moment of clarity that heâs having, but you just stare back, a little lost. âI saw the dog in living room, and I followed it to the cabinet where the trash was.â
âYou think your hallucination lead you to the test?â
âYou donât?â
âItâs possible, I guess. Itâs not much weirder than us sharing dreams.â
âWhat are they, though?â He says it out loud, but he seems to be asking only himself. âWhere did they come from?â
âDreams can be so strange.â You can feel yourself dozing off, but you donât want to sleep until heâs comfortable and his eyes are closed.
âOur dreams are very strangeâ
*
The body that was tucked up against you is gone. No more arms wrapped tight around your waist, no more warm breath against your chest. You woke up twice to Seungmin sleeping soundly with you, but now, the third time, heâs gone. He hasnât returned to his side of the bed, and the curtain is still pulled halfway closed, just like it was last night. Itâs quietâŚno sounds of him in the shower, or in the kitchen, and thereâs no smell of coffee brewing.
This isnât a great way to wake up.
âSeungmin?â You call out as loudly as your morning voice will allow you, but your head pounds when you do, and the pain makes you nauseous. Still, you manage to get on two feet and head for the door. âSeungmin?â
The kitchen is empty, but the bathroom door is cracked. You decide to give it another minute before calling out for him again, because heâs in there. His keys are on the table, jacket is hanging by the door, and his two regular pairs of shoes are right next to yours.
You start making him coffee, but by the time itâs mostly finished brewing, you start to hate the quiet.
âMinnie, are you in there?â Your fingertips set against the door, but your push is hesitant. The strong herbal smell of his bath salts hit you from here. âIâm gonna come in.â
A soft okay reaches your ears as you push the door open, and you sigh when you see him there, submersed in the tub. The water is all the way up to his chin, and his eyes stay closed as you approach him.
âYouâve been in here for a while,â you kneel down and rest your arms on the bathtub. âYou okay?â
âI think soâ
You take his word for it, but his blank stare tells you heâs probably not completely okay. The nightmare might still be in his mind, or maybe the nightmare pushed even more to the surfaceâsomething his medication canât keep down. âWeâll have some breakfast, and if you wanna talk about anythingâŚâ maybe itâs something else entirely.
âIâm not very hungryâ
âOkay,â you start to reach out for him, but stop yourself. If he reaches back, the pain in your chest might let upâŚyou donât want to go back to his silence right now, but you might have to. Youâll wait for him to push through it. âCoffee? Iâll get you towel.â
âI was okay, Iâm sorryâ
âAnd youâll be okay again, we just have to get through itâ
âIt stayed away for a while. We really kept our minds occupiedâŚthat was nice,â he forces a smile.
âBut it canât stay away forever.â Seungmin looks at you, almost questioningly, as you finally reach out and run a hand across his forehead. âAnd I want you to feel better. Iâll do anything I can to help.â
âAnything?â
âAnythingâ
*
Seungmin holds his pill in the palm of his hand and stares at it. Heâs been so goodâso consistent. Every single morning since finding out the twins were still there and still okay, heâs been even more adamant about doing what he can to be okay for them. Up until today, itâs worked. Last nights dream might be partially to blame, but he knows heâs overdue, and he feels like heâs doing something wrong.
He watches you head toward the bedroom, wrapped up and shivering in two towels. âDo you think I can be fixed?â
âFixed?â You poke your head back out and study him. âDo you feel like you need fixed?â
âIâm not sure. But I wonder sometimes if theyâre doomed to be like me, no matter what.â
The fear you had swirling inside of you before, the feeling that still comes back sometimes, seems to have crept into his thoughts. You were never afraid of having a child that ended up with an illness like him, though, that never once crossed your mindâŚbut now that his need to kill has returned, heâs stuck in that part of his head. And though he hasnât actually said anything about their sex, you're beginning to have a feeling in your gut.
âSeungmin, are weâŚ?â You start, but you still don't think you want to know for sure.
âWhat?â His eyes soften as he searches yours.
âNothing, never mind.â Itâs been two weeks since that doctorâs visit, and he hasnât said a word about it. He hasnât dropped any sort of hint, or let anything slip. During a few talkative nights, you wondered if he would mumble something in his sleep. But he hasnât yet. âTheyâre gonna be as sweet, and as caring, and as thoughtful as you are to me.â
Seungmin slowly shakes his head. âI hope so. Right now, I reallyâŚreally need toââ his eyes drop to your stomach, âI need to clear my head again.â
âShould I leave?â
âNo, I want you to stay. If you want.â
âAre you coming back with them, if you find someone?â You think about how messy it was the first time you were here, and how out of control everything was. But you do want to stay, because your mind is also on the last timeâŚhis knife in your hand, the way he looked at you and touched you after the girl hit the floor. âIâd rather stay, but I canât listenââ
Seungmin takes your face in his hands, and his smile is uncertain. âNo, I donât want you to hear that. I want you to help me, if you wantâŚuhmâŚâ
âHelp?â
âBut I understand if you donât want toâ
Your heart pounds. The look heâs giving you is a strange mix of shy, and a little bit of that Seungmin who made you a drink and carried you into his bedroom. âHelp you kill?â
âOr just watch. I don't need the sex.â
âMinnieâ
âItâs too much, I knowâŚI donât know why Iâm asking. You shouldnât be seeing thatâŚafter what I justâŚafter just telling you Iâm worried about how theyâll end up. Fuck, noâŚIâll go.â
âMinnie, waitâ
âYou can stay if youâre comfortable. Maybe in the bathroom, or the nursery.â The nursery thatâs still just a gutted room with a twin bed. Going through things and cleaning took much longer than anticipated. âTaegyo seems a little pointless now, doesnât it?â
âItâs not, they still need to hear you talk to them every night. They need you to feel better.â
Thereâs still a look of reluctance and confusion on him, and instead of heading for the door, he paces back and forth and thinks. But he stops suddenly and stares off toward the open door of the nursery.
âWhatâs wrong?â
He takes a few slow steps in the direction heâs looking, and then shuts his eyes tight. âItâs thereâŚit came out of the room. The black one.â He starts walking toward whatever heâs seeing and ends up back in the bedroom, and you follow. âIt went under the bed.â
You watch him drop to his knees and look, but if thereâs something black under there, he wonât see much of it. Your curiosity gets the better of you, so you do the same on your side of the bedâdrop to your hands and knees and look. âI donâtâŚâ
âWhat?â
Something glimmers despite the lack of lightâŚsomething silvery blue. You push yourself under and reach toward it, but it moves. âWhat the hell?â It disappears, and then reappears, and you hear it. That growl. The same deep growl from your nightmare. It lunges forward and all you see is a streak of white fur and teeth as you pull yourself back and crawl away. You hold back a cry, but as soon as Seungmin sees your face, heâs on his knees in front of you.
âWhat happened?â His voice shakes. âYou saw it?â
âI dunno,â you pant and try not to catch sight of anymore shining eyes, so you look at him instead. âSeungmin, I think Iâm seeing things.â
Seeing things, hearing them, feeling their strange presence.
Whatever was under there is gone when Seungmin shines a flashlight into the darkness. Itâs empty. No lost clothes or forgotten boxes, nothing that could have picked up and reflected the little bit of light in the room.
âAre you gonna tell me what you saw under there.â Seungmin stands in front of two cups and watches the almond blossoms bloom in the hot water.
âIt was a dog, a white one, and it growled and snapped at meâ
âHave you seen it before?â
âOnly in a dream, but in the dream I thought the dog was youâŚtrying to kill meâ
That dream, he thinks to himselfâthe one you couldnât explain to him that morning, and itâs been forgotten ever since. âThe white dog was me?â The white dog that tried to kill you, that stood over him in his dream last night. The one that tried to bite. But where did the black one disappear to?
âYes, in the woods. And then in the shed, but I woke up in the middle of it attacking me. You woke me up.â
âItâs a big dog, right? Obviously weâre seeing the same one, and I saw them both together, but maybe itâs just one.â
âBig, but skinny and tallâŚlike a greyhound, but not.â You get up and head back to the bedroom, and carefully walk by the bed, making sure to give the edge of it a wide berth. Nothing makes a sound or shows itself, and you return to him, phone in hand. âLong-haired greyhound? I dunno what Iâm searching for, Iâm sure Google can figure it out.â You scroll and click a few times, and then show him the image pulled up on your phone. âIs this your black dog?â
Seungminâs eyes grow as he looks at it, âyes thatâs exactly what he looks likeâŚand they both look exactly the same.â
âThey look so sweet in these photos, but my white one isnât sweet at all.â My? The white one does seem to be yours, because you havenât seen his black dog. At least not yet. âBut dwelling on it isnât gonna help.â
âNo, and Iâm sure Iâll see them againâ
âWe should get back to our earlier conversationâ
He forgot about his request. Seungmin isnât sure why he thinks youâd want to have anything to do with this, but you did intentionally put yourself front and center for his last kill. âCan we forget about it? I didnât know I was gonna ask you that until it came out of my mouth.â
âNo, we donât have to forget. At least let me answer.â
Heâs expecting an explanation for your no, because youâre good at putting your thoughts into words for him. At least he knows youâll be gentle. Seungmin has found out, thanks to you, how terrible he is at accepting criticism and being told what he doesnât want to hear. Youâve been honest with him when it was necessary, and itâs been difficult, but heâs getting betterâŚhe thinks.
âI would love to watch youâ
*
Seungmin heads out, and you stay home. He said he would keep you updated on his timeline if he could, but you decide to just expect him at any moment. And the plan is pretty scarce, but probably enough for him, and this time youâll just have to trust heâs truly back on his game.
âPhoneâŚI wonât forget the phone this time. Or the cameras. Iâll text you when Iâm turning them back on so you know Iâm in the building.â
But youâre terrified. Your heart hasnât stopped racing since he left. He could be an hour, or he could be five hours, so how do you wait and pass the time? How do you prep? Youâve been avoiding going into the bedroom while youâre alone here, but you have to at least go in there and clean up. The sheets are still a mess, and thereâs a pile of dirty laundry in the corner. Thereâs a pile of clean laundry in another cornerâneither of you ever let it get this messy, but youâve been focused on making space for two babies, and now, standing here thinking of thatâŚmaybe itâs too soon. Youâre fourteenweeks in. Almost four months. Okay, maybe itâs not too soon. You were expecting this to drag, but since finding out, time has passed by far more quickly than it ever has.
OkayâŚjust fix the damn sheets, thereâs nothing under there. You walk quietly and start to pull at the spots where itâs the messiestâŚlisten carefully as you tuck, fluff the pillows, set Daengmo right on top. Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see a flash of white, but thereâs nothing there when you scan the room.
Daengmo gives you a look, or he seems to, so you change your mind and take him back to the kitchen with you.
This place is too quiet without him, you think, but Seungmin himself is quiet. It isnât just the soundâŚit feels quiet without him, because his presence alone can be overwhelming. Heâs still so intense and serious sometimes, but he turns it off when he needs toâwhen he keeps you awake a little longer talking to you and the twins, or when he wakes you up with the sounds of his guitar. He finally sang for you a few mornings ago.
*
When you open your eyes to see him, he's turned away, and he avoids looking at you until he finishes his song.
âWhat song was that? Was it yours?
Seungmin spins in his chair and carefully returns the guitar to its stand. âNot mine, no. Itâs called âthrough the nightâ.
âThrough the night,â you say under your breath, making sure to remember the title. âThank you.â
âFor singing?â
âI canât believe youâve been hiding that voice from me all this timeâ
He starts toward you and smiles, and you can still see some diffidence behind it as he slides back under the covers. âSorry,â he gets close, and he closes his eyes as if he plans on going right back to bed. So you do, too.
*
Until this moment, you forgot about the name of the song. âThrough the night,â you say out loud and head for your laptop. But he never said the original artistâit doesnât matter, youâll know it when you hear it. Before you get a chance to type it in the search bar, your phone buzzes. âMinnieâŚthat was fast.â At first you assume itâs something else, not him, because itâs barely been two hours, but it is himâŚ
in the elevator
Your heart jumps to your throat, and you wonder if you can really do this. The want is there, and the need, thereâs no question about that. And this will be easier than last time, you think. Right? Just watching him.
âJust watching,â you reaffirm yourself and shut the laptop, hide anything that looks like someone else lives here, and shut yourself in the nursery. The door on this room is much older, and very lucky for you, thereâs a keyhole to peek out of. You kneel down and focus right as the lock clicks, and in walks Seungmin. âWho did you find?â you whisper against the door as she finally walks in behind him. âOh.â
He speaks, she speaksâyour Korean comprehension is still bad, despite the classes, and despite Seungmin patiently helping every way he can. He only speaks directly to the twins in Korean, but he translates everything for you, so they always get both. Seungmin speaks again, and you canât help but notice him looking around the room. If your presence makes him nervous, he could slip up somehow. But this was your idea, MinnieâŚyouâll be fine.
She touches him, and your stomach starts to turn sour. A hand runs up his side and pulls at his shirt, and that peak of his skin already has you seeing red, but you breath deep and remember that youâre his other half in this. Seungmin belongs to you, and this is the last thing this girl will ever do.
But what happens next? He told you there would be no sex, but he still has to set things up the way heâs accustomed to, or at least close to it. How far will he have to go to get her where he wants her?
Her hand cups his dick, and her face falls. When she speaks again, you know what she says without understanding a wordânot hard for me? No. No cock growing in his jeans for her. Seungmin is still soft, and heâll probably stay that way. And he plays it off well, feigning shyness, smiling and hiding his face. It still makes you jealous, act or no act, because he's so good at this. She takes Seungmin by the hand and looks around, but she starts toward your door first, and you move your eye from the keyhole until you hear her being redirected. As soon as you look again, you catch his gaze lingering right where you are.
The bedroom door opens, and then shuts, but you hear the doorknob turn lightly and the latch click free. Now you can easily slide in without making a sound, lock the door, and watch.
The girl is too distracted by Seungmin's shirt being pulled over his head; slipping into the bedroom and carefully closing the door goes completely unheard, and the slide of the key does, too. Had she been facing you, things might be hectic right now, but you trusted him to keep her where you both needed her. The room is perfectly dark, lit up only by the string lights you put around the bookcase. It's just enough, and when your eyes start to adjust, you can see much more of him outlined by it, and you see his eyes move to you and smile sweetly. Somehow, she doesn't notice him looking at something other than her.
Her hands go for the button of his jeans, but he stops her. You can see the gears turning in his head as he wonders what his next move is going to be. She speaks, and you can see that he's annoyed.
"Turn around..." Seungmin grabs her wrists and holds them tight as she spins to face you.
"Huh...quit messing arouâ"
The air catches in your throat when she sees you, but you do everything in your power to keep your composure. Looking nervous will do nothing to help him right now.
"What's going on, what is this? I didn't come here for a threesome."
"Shut up." Seungmin switches to English, and to your surprise, she does, too.
"Let go of me, I'm over this...get your hands off of me you psycho"
You assumed you'd be out of her view the entire time or at least most of it, but that's not the case. And then his hands start to loosen, she pulls away from him and heads for the door...now you wonder what exactly he has planned. Just as you open your mouth to get his attention, she pulls on the doorknob and screams...
"Open this fucking door!"
Seungmin walks toward her, and she runs to the far side of the room, away from him and away from you, and when she backs herself against the bookcase, everything starts moving in slow motionâher hands grope along the shelf for something...anything. The first thing she grabs is the glass vase of withered heliotrope, and she smashes it hard against the floor. The sound is unbelievably loud, but there's still a piece of glass large enough for her to use as a makeshift weapon.
"Let me out of this room," she holds it nervously, and her free hand goes back to the shelf. "Unlock the door."
Despite the drama, your mind goes back to you. Your night here with him, and how you ran to the door and fell to your knees in defeat, but you come back quickly when her hand finds the music box.
"Stop," Seungmin throws his hands up, "enough."
This is not going well, but he can still turn things around. Not soon enough, though. She drops the shard of glass, takes the music box in both hands, and uses all of her strength to smash it against the wet floor. You can't see anything from where you stand, but you hear itâthe painful splinter of wood, and the sweet, lonely melody of it's insides filling the room.
Seungmin lunges for her so quickly and so quietly. He's terrifying. His hands close around her throat and drag her back toward the bed with little effort, and when he throws her on it, she stays there.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, please"
He straddles her hips, and she's frozen in terror as his hands close around her throat again, and then he looks at you. A few steps toward the bed bring a smile to his face, so you take a few more, and the desire to touch him makes your whole body tremble. The muscles of his back move as he breathes, and veins start to pop in his arms as his grip tightens. You hardly notice her, even as she gasps for air and scratches at his arms, because Seungmin is all you ever see.
"Are you okay?" He asks, and you can see sadness behind his smile. Maybe a lament for his music box.
"Only if you are." You walk behind him and give in to your urges. One hands runs across the small of his back and up his spine, and you hear him groan as he squeezes tighter.
"I am"
From here you have the perfect view of both of them, so you watch quietly and keep your hands off as he continues...as he squeezes, and you hear her last desperate gasps...as he finishes. There's no more movement from her, and you can see it in her eyes, just like the one you took the life fromâemptiness. His hands loosen, fingers flex, and he straightens his back as he starts to rise. You're silent as he watches the body for a few more moments, and then he turns to you.
Seungmin is looking through you again, inside of you and outside of you; reading your mind, and looking for an answer to the same question he asked before.
âIâm goodâ
The state of the roomâthe broken glass, the splintered music box, the dead bodyâitâs all pushed away with his soft touch and the scent of his adrenaline filled sweat. His arms slide around your shoulders and pull you tight against his bare chest.
âIâm sorry, that was a messâ
âNo,â you push back and look at him. âSome things didnât go how we wanted them to," you look to the body, and then toward the mess on the floor, "butâŚno, baby.â Seungmin lets you pull him to the door, and he doesnât say a word as you unlock it and put the dead girl out of sight.
âI was never this clumsy before, I really wasnât. I fucked up sometimes, but thisâŚâ
The sun is just starting to set outside, and the light hits just right on the couch where youâre leading him. Even as you set him down and look at him, he looks up at you with so much defeat in his eyes. Seungmin is supposed to feel better after a kill, and maybe he will soon, but right now heâs nowhere near okay.
âThis was also your first time with someone watching you. Please, be a little easier on yourself.â
He sighs and falls back against the couch. âNo, I donâtâ" he looks to his right and sees Daengmo slumped against the pillow, âI canât.â
This might take him a little longer to get through. You kneel in front of him and place a kiss on his knee. âYouâll get there, but in the meantime, Iâll do it for you.â
Even as your hand moves up his thigh, Seungminâs face remains the same, but he lets you touch him. He lets you unbutton and pull gently until you can see his bare thighs, and now when you look at him, a smile is trying its best to break through. It doesnât quite make it, but as you climb up and straddle him, he doesnât hesitate to lift your dress and pull your panties down and out of his way.
âYou did so wellâ
He shakes his head as you take his slowly growing cock in your hand.
âDonât shake your head. Look at me, right now.â
Thereâs a bit of surprise in his hm?, but still no smile. He does, however, look at you.
âIt was fast, and cleanâŚnot a drop of bloodâ
âJust flowers, and glass, andââ
You shush and kiss him, and the soft stroke of your fingertips get him there quickly . âWeâll clean it, weâll fix everything.â
Something relaxes in him. Seungminâs head falls back, and the movement in his neck is hypnotizing. âHow can we fix it?â His mouth falls open as you slide down and fill yourself with him, and his hands jump to your hips. A stuttery how gets caught in his chest, but you canât tell what heâs feeling because heâs no longer looking at you. His face is hidden, and his breathing starts to become shallow.
âMinnie?â His shoulders tense up until you hold him tight against you, and your thighs shake as you lower yourself completely on his lap. âLook at me so I can tell you properly.â
It takes a few more seconds and a few more sniffles before he peeks up at you.
âWhat are these tears for? Just upset about how everything went, or is it the music box?â
âI canât do anything right. And itâs a miracle I havenât been caught yet.â Seungminâs hands squeeze as if heâs trying to get you to move on him, but youâre still as you rub his shoulders.
âWell, I disagree. I was the one watching, and I hope this isn't the last time we do that.â Another squeeze of his fingers makes your thigh jump, but you donât move. âYou did a very good job.â
âIâll be better for youâ
âI love you just like thisâ
He shakes his head as you kiss him again, but stops when your hands move up. The look on his face changesâhe relaxes again as you comb your fingers through his hair. âOkayâŚâ
âOkay?â
The shake turns to a nod, and he squeezes again as you start to move slowly, up and down, and the sound of his moans match your pace.
#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin fanfic#skz x reader#kim seungmin x you#stray kids seungmin#kim seungmin au#kim seungmin angst#stray kids x reader#kim seungmin imagines#kim seungmin x y/n#kim seungmin fluff#stray kids x y/n#stray kids imagines#stray kids serial killer#stray kids series
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Yes Im aware that changbin and I.N. and hyunjin are not here, and yes I'm still going to do them, and yes I already started them
#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids#chan x reader#leeknow x reader#lee know x reader#changbin x reader#hyunjin x reader#han x reader#felix x reader#seungmin x reader#i.n. x reader
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"babe."
you try to pretend to be asleep, but jaemin's too good at figuring out when you're faking it.
"babe." the bedsheets underneath you rustle, the noise a little too annoying this early in the morning.
"shh."
"sweetheart." his hand reaches around your waist, pulling you into his warm self. you'd complain if your boyfriend didn't give off heat like a radiator.
"i'm trying to sleep, jaem. please."
"nine is a little too late to still be sleeping in, isn't it?"
"just...shh," you say, words evading you as your eyes succumb to sleep thanks to your boyfriend's warmth.
"did you know i can hold the whole world in my hands?"
"...that's great, baby."
"really! you don't believe me?"
"sure."
"don't snort at me. and the answer to that was a yes or a no, not a sure."
"okay, jaem, i believe you."
"you're going to have to see it to believe it, though."
"it's a saturday. leave me alone."
"but you signed up for this when you agreed to move in with me." you don't even need to turn around to see that grin on his face. his hands are skirting the bottom of your night top, and you know if he inches in a little and starts tickling you, you're going to be awake for the rest of the day.
when you don't reply back to him, jaemin huffs. "is that how it's going to be?" and the next thing you know, he's pulled the blankets away from you and wrapped them around himself, leaving you to the mercy of the cold air in the room.
"jaemin."
"you didn't seem interested."
you sigh. this is how it's going to be, then.
"na jaemin, love of my life, will you please show me how you can hold the whole world in your hands?"
jaemin turns around with a smile on his face. he unwraps the blankets and pulls you in, so that you're face to face with him. and then-
his hands cup your face. you're left looking into his eyes, which are filled with far too much love for a saturday morning. not that you're complaining.
"that's how," he says, his voice smug.
now you're definitely not letting him go for the rest of the day.
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I so badly want people to spam boop me
#stray kids#stray kids x reader#seungmin x reader#minho x reader#chan x reader#changbin x reader#hyunjin x reader#felix x reader#han x reader#i.n. x reader
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Since the booping has returned, reblog if it's okay to spam you with boops!
I wanna be polite and not spam random people without permission , ,
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when you promise to write things and still havenât startedâŚ
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real.
Just gotta get this off my chest.
Ryujin. My love. My beauty.
Iâd be on my knees for hours. Just give me one chance. All I need baby đ
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serial killer!Kim Seungmin x afab reader
SYNOPSIS: you walk into Seungmin's life, and disrupt everything
RATING: 18+ onlyâthis story contains sex, death, murder, some supernatural elements, folie Ă deux...please read each chapter rating for more details
đ˘ please support by reblogging đ¸
CURRENT WC: 70.9k
⌠INTRO (2k)
⌠Part One (10k)
⌠Part Two (12.7k)
⌠Part Three (14.4k)
⌠Part Four (10.4k)
⌠Part Five (11k)
⌠Part Six (10.4K)
⌠Part Seven (wip)
TAGLIST
â Please leave a comment if you'd like to be tagged for each new part of DEITY, and other posts (oneshots, images) that directly connect to the story. Check your settings and make sure you're able to be tagged in posts!
@kkamismom12 / @r0tt1n / @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz / @reignessance
â If at any point you would like to be removed from the list, please drop me a message and I'll remove you
Š all works posted on this blog and in this and my main masterlist belong to me, daengtokkiâdo not repost, do not copy, do not translate, do not claim as your ownâin full or in part
#deity masterlist#deity taglist#taglist#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin fanfic#kim seungmin au#skz x reader#stray kids au#seungmin imagine#seungmin smut#kim seungmin smut#seungmin x reader#seungmin x you#kim seungmin x you#stray kids imagine#stray kids x you#stray kids x reader#skz imagines#skz smut#đâs favorites
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đđđđ
đđ˝đ đťđđ¸đđžđđ đ¸đśđ
ď˝ď˝ăďźłď˝
ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝ďźď˝ď˝
ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝
ăď˝ď˝
ď˝ď˝ď˝
ď˝
ââââââââââ âž ââââââââââ
wc: 1.6k
rating: explicit (contains: semi-public sex, m/f receiving oral, mouthy seungmin)
ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝
ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝ď˝
ââââââââââ âž ââââââââââ
He pushes the button over and over, forwardâŚand then back again, and the sticky click click makes you want to scream. A big smile spreads across his face when he finally finds something, but itâs hardly anything. It disappears just as quickly, and youâre back to static.
âGive it up, Min. Just turn it off for a while.â
âYou wanna sit in silence for another hour?â
No, you donât, but you know heâs not going to find anything worth listening to out here in the middle of nowhere. âAn hour?â The temptation to reach for him and grab something is so strong, and you donât even try to control yourself. You run your fingers through his short hair, trace the outside of his ear. âYou can do better than that.â
Seungmin grabs your hand and holds it hostage. âIs that a challenge?â He looks at you, tongue poking out between his teeth as his foot slowly presses on the gas. "You know better."
90kph quickly turns to 120...130...145 on the long stretch of road.
"Okay, okay," you laugh and pull back, but his grip on your arm is too strong. The speedometer keeps rising as he squeezes. "Don't be a brat."
The car slow as he clicks his seatbelt free and adjusts the rearview mirror. "A brat?" His voice lowers, âis that another challenge?"
Before you can question him, he hits the gas again and lets go of your arm, but he just trades it for another piece of you. His fingers dig into the soft flesh and moves painfully slow, inching closer and closer to the crease of your thigh until he slips his fingers into the warmth between them. Your laugh turns to a moan when he pushes and kneads his fingers against you, reaching your sensitive clit through the fabric separating you from him.
"Maybe." You spread your legs and push into him.
"You like that?" He rubs his thumb where he knows you need his touch. "Hm? Look at me."
"Maybe," you smile and watch as his attention moves between you and the road, and when a satisfied sound comes from his chest, you moan for him again. You want more, and you know how to get it. "Yes."
The pressure and warmth of his palm sends a jolt through your body...he can't possibly expect you to take this teasing. The seatbelt clicks and slides off of you, but his hand is back before you can miss it. "That's better," he whispers, "lie back."
"Seungmin..." He adjusts himself and spreads his legs, making room for his cock growing in his jeans. You reach out for him, but your hand falls short of getting where it wants to be. "Minnie, please."
Seungmin laughs, but you know he's desperate for touch, your mouth...something. "You want it?" But he can't touch himself without taking his hands off of youâhe can't even free himself. "Tell me how much you want me."
"Donât tease"
"Tell me..." he pushes hard again, hitting every nerve through your thin leggings, and it makes you squirm. "Tell me where you want it."
"Pull over"
"Answer me"
You can already feel yourself needing to come from his touch, but you hold back, "I need...â and push him away, âstop the fucking car."
He veers off to the right and onto the rocky shoulder, and he only takes his hands off of you to put the car in park. The radio buzzes the moment he does, goes static, and then music starts coming through the speakers. "Take those off,â he groans in relief as he frees himself, fills his fist with his cock, and fucks it slowly as he watches you undress. âGet over here,â he purrs, reaches again and pulls you closer.
Your lips close around him, and he melts in his seat. The slow up and down of your mouth makes him crazy, and now you get to tease back while you take your time with him. The slow music mixes with his desperate little noisesâ
fuckâŚbabyâŚyou feel so good
His hips move and push his cock deeper, and you gag and pull back, just enough to let your hand take over as you work his head.
yeahâŚjust like that
His hands move down your back and over your ass, squeezing and pulling you closer, sliding down and finding your entrance, wet and ready for him. Two fingers slip in and start to fuck you, and he matches the rhythm of your mouth and hand. Itâs driving you crazy, and itâs driving him crazy. You could work him as long as he needed it, but his teasing fingers make you even hungrier for the stretch of his cock.
You look up at him, and his grin makes the need so much stronger. His cock bounces as you let go and catch your breath, âyou taste so good.â You lick him up again and suck gently at his leaking tip. He melts again, relaxes completely, and whatever he was about to say is all but forgotten as your tongue slides over him. âMinnie?â
âMmm, yeah,â he opens his eyes again. âIâm here.â
âDo you like it?â
âDo IâŚfuck,â he laughs like heâs drunk, and gently pushes you down until you swallow him completely, âgood girlâŚâ and he can feel the squeeze of your throat. âBut I know what youâre waiting for.â
The slow, tight release makes his thighs shiver.
Seungmin pushes his seat back and stretches, cock gripped in his hand again. He looks you up and down as you get to your knees, âright here.â His palm slides down his now naked thigh, âget on.â
Climbing to his side is clumsy, but his hands hold you steady. You grab his shoulders and hold tight, but you sway a little as a car speeds by a few feet away. Seungmin kisses your neck and coaxes you onto him, smiles and groans as his head slides in, but you stop and brace yourself for more.
Another car speeds by, and Seungmin holds you tight around the waist. âI got you.â You can feel his hand move and his fingers touch where the two of you meet. He holds himself steady and the rest of him slides in with ease, âseeâŚâ he bites his lips and holds his smirk as you start to bounce. âYeah, thatâs it.â
You start slow and kiss him sweetly, and he returns it. Seungmin thrusts his hips up, pushes deeperâthere's almost no control, not right nowâŚhe needs it, and heâs taking every inch of you he can, but itâs your pace, and your controlâŚ
The door pops open.
âWhat are youââ
Before you can finish, he lifts you off of him and slides out from beneath you.
âMin, what are you doing?â Youâre both only partially dressed, but he walks confidently around the car and stands where you can see him, cock gripped tight in his hand.
He strokes slowly as he beckons you with one finger. âYou better get out here if you want it.â
There are hardly any cars flying by, so how bad could it be? But just as you think that, another one flies by.
âDonât make me madâ
You can hear the sweetness in his voice, but you know he means it, so you poke your head out and make sure no more cars are approaching. Carefully, you step out onto the gravel and tiptoe to him, no leggings or panties, just his big tshirt covering you.
âThatâs betterâ
The hood is warm against your back, and you admire the sky for a moment until he pulls your thighs apart. Seungmin gets right to it, face in your pussy, lapping up the arousal slowly dripping from youâmessy and loud as he licks and sucks on your clit. This is what he wanted, this is where he wanted to beâface first, tongue deep inside of you.
Another car, but you donât care now.
The only thing you can think about is him, his warm mouth, Seungmin making you come, and itâs the only thing on his mind. He slows down to make you last longer, and he watches, listens to every sound you make, strokes his cock as he flicks the tip of his tongue around your clit. Holding on and giving him more time is getting hard, you need toâŚand then his fingers slip in. The pressure and his perfect strokes push you over the edge. Youâre lost in the sky above as you tense up and take in every little movement he makesâhis slow, soft tongue, his lips. You start to slip away. Every part of you relaxes. The sound of your heartbeat in your ears, your cries for himâitâs almost as loud as the praise he gives you as your body shakes and your cum, whatever misses his face and arm, drips down your thighs and onto the hood of the car.
Thereâs no catching your breath, though. He pulls you closer and his cock slips in, and you watch him, still delirious from your orgasm, as he moves his hips and fucks you just how he needs to, slow and deepâŚthen faster, and faster. Seungmin leans over you, palms on the hood, and he smiles when you lift his shirt and grab a sensitive spot.
âMean,â he whispers and comes down for a kiss, and suddenly heâs soft, moaning sweetly into your mouth. His strokes slow down again, and you feel every inch as he moves. âTouch meâŚkeep your hands on me.â
They move up his stomach and grip his waist, slide toward his back, and you can feel it in himâin his thrusts, in his breath catching, and in every muscle that tenses in his stomach. Seungmin comes quietly as he kisses and touches you, and he takes his time coming down from it. Two more cars pass by as he leans over you, panting and getting himself back together.
âMinnieâŚâ you coo and rub his back. âBaby.â
âMhmm, yeah?â
âYouâre so bad, weâre gonna be lateâ
#kim seungmin x reader#seungmin x reader#skz x reader#kim seungmin x you#kim seungmin smut#kim seungmin fanfic#stray kids x reader#stray kids smut#seungmin smut#seungmin imagine
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I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVED your âhe calls you clingyâ for Seungmin. could you write one for changbin / the other members too please??
I will write the other members, not sure when but I'll try to get them all done eventually
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Hi, letâs talk about reblogs, again.Â
If you donât want to hear about it again, just scroll away, because this is going to be long.
As many other creators, including my moots, have pointed out in some of their posts, the like to reblog ratio has been getting worse. Iâve only been on tumblr for less than a year, and Iâve seen it get worse. On a good day, the ratio could be 1 reblog to 10 likes, with comments and feedback. Unfortunately, the ratio usually looks more like 1 reblog to 20-25 likes, with little to no comments and/or feedback. While weâre grateful for the likes, likes donât do anything on Tumblr.Â
Tumblr operates on reblogs NOT likes so please consider reblogging posts.
Iâve seen comments like âbut no one follows me so will me reblogging really helpâ or âitâs okay I have my likes on.â Admittedly, I donât fully understand how the system works, but hereâs my interpretation of it. I acknowledge that there may be some mistakes, I donât understand computer scienceâŚ
Referring to this post by @\engineering, reblogs act as âa signal boost.â The more people reblog the original post, whether it includes their own comments or not, and regardless of whether the account has followers or not, it helps to boost/ spread the post to more people. Imagine it like a tree which grows more branches every time the post is reblogged.Â
If you have followers, as the reblog tree grows, it reaches your audience, some of whom would have never seen the original post before. If you donât have followers, then the Tumblr algorithm does most of the work. As the reblog tree grows more branches, it reaches other peopleâs for you pages, especially if the other person has interacted with the same kind of posts/ accounts you have interacted with before, eg. posts on Seventeen. Conversely, if you just like the post, no branches are being grown, which means the post is not being spread. Spam liking can also lead to the original creator being shadowbanned (which is why some creators understandably block spam likers).
Additionally, in this post by @\mrsmothmon, she says that this tree-like growth structure means reblogs are the norm here on Tumblr, it's part of Tumblrâs culture and etiquette. Itâs been this way since Tumblr was created, and thatâs not going to change just because time has passed.
Hence, why creators are always urging others to consider reblogging their posts. Reblogging doesnât take a lot of time and effort, and itâs just probably one of the only ways you can show creators any support on Tumblr. When you reblog, you help to grow that little tree further which then spreads our work to new audiences.Â
To put it bluntly, when we see the dismal like to reblog ratio, itâs disheartening, demoralising, and is a very big reason why many creators donât feel like creating/ writing. Creators spend hours, if not days or even months, creating content for others to enjoy for free. We donât get paid for this, yet weâre putting in so much effort, love, and time into it.Â
Yes, we genuinely enjoy creating, thatâs why we started posting content in the first place. But, we also love interacting with the people who consume our content. We love to hear what you have to say about our content, your thoughts/ feelings. It could just be a simple heart, long rambles, or even just incomprehensible screaming. Or, if you donât wish to do any of those things, a simple blank reblog is greatly appreciated as well because as I mentioned, it helps to spread our work. It makes us feel appreciated, it motivates us to create more because we see that people actually like our content. Most importantly, it makes us feel seen. Trust me, your reblogs and comments make the whole world of difference between us feeling like weâre human beings who put our hearts and souls into creating, versus feeling like weâre simply content generating machines.Â
Honestly, I hesitated on whether or not to even make this post because I know that to some, posts about reblogs are really annoying. While I am very very appreciative of all the love and support Iâve received on Tumblr so far, the issue of reblogs is just something thatâs been weighing on my mind for a while. Iâm not saying you have to reblog everything you see, no one is forcing anyone to do anything. And Iâll be the first to admit I need to work on reblogging more too, but, I hope this post helps to clarify why reblogging is so important, and why creators, myself included, are always urging others to consider reblogging their content.Â
Thank you <3
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Skz Calling You Clingy Part 2
Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, I.N.
Part 1
Authors note: I tried to finish it fast but, you know, life. I tagged everyone who asked for a part 2. I will start the other members at some point.
Warning: none I think
Taglist: @jazziwritesthings @luckymilkshakerebel @lcmonriize @galaxy4489
Word count: 963
It's been 3 days since he snapped at you. You've been giving him space like he asked, not going to the door when he comes home, not asking him about his day, not texting him reminding him to eat and drink enough water, and not clinging onto him before going to sleep. You still cook dinner for him, your mind wouldn't leave you alone unless you knew he had a warm home-cooked meal at the end of the day, however, you no longer try bringing him the food, you just leave it covered on the table for him to eat when he comes home. You've been so distant with him that it feels like walking on eggshells whenever you are in the same room.
Seungmin had been feeling extremely guilty for snapping at you. He regretted it ever since the moment it happened but he was stubborn and prideful and hated having to admit when he was wrong. But with each day that passed, he could tell how hurt you were, and it was eating him up inside. His heart ached every time he came home to find the house quiet, with no sign of you even being there. It felt like he was living alone, and he hated it. He missed your presence, your voice, your laughter, everything about you.
Tonight was the same as the past 3 nights. He came home from practice late and found dinner on the table, but there was no sign of you, you must've been asleep already, he thought. He sat at the table and began to eat, the food was good but cold, you must've made it a while ago.
He ate it all anyway.
After finishing his meal, Seungmin sat there for a few minutes, staring at the empty chair across from him. He really wished you were sitting there right now, talking to him about your day, or just sitting in comfortable silence. He could no longer deny it, something needed to be fixed. Seungmin needed to talk to you, apologize, and make things right again. With a heavy heart, he forced himself to get up and head to the bedroom. Opening the door quietly, he looked around the room and spotted a lump under the covers, confirming you were asleep.
Seungmin moved closer to the edge of the bed, sitting down gently so he wouldn't wake you up. He took a moment to just look at your peaceful sleeping form and it made his heart ache even more. You were always sleeping by the time he came home nowadays. You were avoiding him, it was all his fault for lashing out.
Taking a deep breath, he spoke quietly, "Hey⌠Are you awake?â He waited a few seconds for you to respond but you stayed motionless and silent. He wasn't sure if you were pretending to be asleep, but he decided just to talk anyway, "I know you're mad at me⌠And you have every right to be. I was being an ass when I yelled at you. I'm really sorry." He paused for a moment, taking another deep breath before continuing.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was just tired and in a bad mood⌠That's no excuse though. I was being a jerk to you for no reason⌠I understand if you don't wanna talk to-"
He was cut off when you rolled over and threw yourself onto him.
Seungmin's heart skipped a beat as you suddenly threw yourself onto him. He was caught off guard at first, but quickly wrapped his arms around you, holding you against his chest tightly. He could feel you shaking slightly in his arms, and he gently began running a hand over your back in a soothing manner.
"I'm sorry⌠I'm really sorry." He repeated softly as he cradled you in his arms, feeling the guilt and regret weighing on him heavily.
âI knowâŚand I forgive you.â
Seungmin tightened his hold on you, his heart swelling with relief at your words. You forgave him⌠and he was so grateful for that. He pulled back a bit to look down at your face, cupping your cheek gently. His eyes searched for any hint of anger or lingering hurt but there was none. Seeing your tired, yet slightly tear-stained face, his heart ached. He reached up with his other hand to gently brush away a few stray tears on your cheek.
"You're cryingâŚ" He mumbled softly, his thumb gently stroking your skin. "I really don't deserve you, do IâŚ?" He let out a sigh, shifting slightly so he could lie down on the bed with you cradled in his arms.
âYou're comfortableâŚit's making me sleepyâŚ" You whisper, the sound muffled by his hoodie.
He continued to stroke your hair and caress your back soothingly, "Yeah? Then sleep⌠I'm not going anywhere."
âI love youâŚâ You whisper to him
Seungmin's heart clenched at your words. Hearing those words from you again after all the coldness between you two hit him like a wave. He tightened his hold on you a bit more, pulling you even closer, and buried his face in your hair once more.
"I love you too.." he mumbled against your head, his voice filled with a mixture of regret, love, and relief. "So much⌠I really, really love youâŚ"
Despite these past few days he didn't need to tell you he loved you because you would never doubt his love for you, and he would never doubt your love for him.
#đđĽâs post#seungmin x reader#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin fanfic#seungmin imagine#seungmin imagines#kim seungmin angst#seungmin angst#kim seungmin x you#seungmin fluff#seungmin hurt/comfort
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