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[apollosson]

05:37 | June 05, 2023 (Pasay, Philippines)

June started rough. Though I have sent almost half a hundred of resumes to every job applications sites possible, may it be Jobstreet or Indeed, I never received invites for the first few weeks. As an overthinker, it was mentally excruciating to juggle both possibility to either go back working at sea, which I never liked now, or swallow the pill of working back in a BPO company. In a nutshell, what I only had in mind was to either work in a casino or as a Cabin Crew - and if none of them worked out, then I guess I failed to do what I have planned all along since I was on board. However, that long wait seems to be a god-sent after all. It was just the time I needed to prepare myself.

Not long after my application with Newport World Resorts, I received an email from one of the three airlines I sent my application with. Qatar Airways and Cebu Pacific might have already filled their slots but I was luckily given a chance with Philippine Airlines. This must be the most important role I have applied for out of all my submitted job applications and only if I can overemphasize my willingness to the panel, I would send them videos of me spending hours researching about the position on every browsers possible.

When I arrived on my most awaited open-day with Philippine Airlines, I already expected the long line at 8am and just like my audition days with ABS-CBN's reality shows, it was a long-seating with new found friends. There were also about a thousand of hopefuls. The only difference is that, it is no longer a childish dream. It was serious to me, and it was evident that I did took it that way when the first stage commenced. They call it a Go-See. In a Go-See, we are given about 2-3 minutes to introduce ourselves while our teeth and skin are checked thoroughly. When it was my time, there were five of us. As the only male of the group, I took that advantage to outshine the girls I am with - and it showed when only two of us were asked to stay after the deliberation. Others were already asked to leave. I honestly thought that was it since it's already about 1pm, but we were formed into groups later on. Little by little some of the passers were asked to leave and wait for an update through email. Some assumed that they already had a second deliberation and probably declined a new set of applicants politely. And they were right! When my name was called, our group was asked to continue with the medical assessment. That's when I realized we are 75-80% less.

The third stage was just a quick medical assessment concerning BMI. This is where they compute both height and weight if normal or not. 60% of my preparation since seafarer days were focused on this very moment and I'm thankful that I did pass, but I am still half way through for today's application. Initial interview and Group dynamics are just some of the following stages that we still need to pass. I already felt exhausted, considering that it has been like a 12-hour application. The only might have kept me awake was my confidence. That was the only caffeine I had.

Since 2017, I am exposed with interviews. With that experience, most questions asked during my initial interview weren't really that new to me. Though some questions were situational, I'm glad I still had those in control. Eye-contact was probably the only negative note I got from my interviewee, which I am guilty of when thinking of an answer. Meanwhile, Group Dynamics is somehow alike to an initial interview but this requires the skill to control and humble yourself, letting others speak their thoughts about a topic. Both last two stages actually went well and after the last stage, everyone were asked to wait for an update via email. I was confident when I left the building. As manifested, I got my invitation for the final interview after 72 hours.

[apollosson]

11:16 | May 24, 2023 (Makati, Philippines)

Before I got off the ship, I had plans set in my mind. Though it was too ambitious, I still tried figuring out how to get there. These things are new to me yet somehow I still manage to receive those opportunities out of luck. Just like what happened today.

This morning, I had an interview for one of the well-known casinos in the Philippines, which I passed. The opportunity I have here is actually good but I know I have better plans for myself than this so I kept this instead as a backup just in case things didn't work out the way I wanted.

I went on a movie date after with one of the people I treated as a friend, at least for me, and to look casual, I hid my long sleeve inside my bag and wore just the suit alone. It was uncomfortable at first but as the day went along, I learned to love the overall look. It was just a normal day in Rockwell and I didn't really expect anything special to happen, but something did while we were waiting for the movie to start. There were two people who kept looking in our direction while we were in a coffee shop. I thought they were distracted by whatever I was wearing or how gays act in public but little did I know, they were looking for models to advertise a hotel that will open very soon.

I was in shock. I never thought opportunities like this really happen even if you're just passing by around the city. Indecisively, I said yes but this offer is not for me alone. It comes with the person that I am with as well. They were looking for a gay couple to promote their client's business but due to my friend's religion, he made it clear to me that he'll not be able to shoot some of their content, considering that there's a pool area to be advertised. That time, I knew this offer might not push through. Though we have this condition, we still kept their calling card.

Now, they already begun the shoot without us but still, one of my realizations is that whatever I have had in mind, I know they're possible and I am so ready to keep going until I am there.

[apollosson]

17:22 | March 23, 2023 (Augusta, Italy)

I was waiting for this day to happen and now waiting is finally over. Hopefully, this would be my last contract. I already planned some things when I arrived home but then again, regardless how much I plan for the future - I understand that sometimes plan don't go the way I want it to be.

I was with my closest Italian officer and a co-Ilonggo friend when I disembarked. It was my first time to have someone with me going home and somehow, it made my stay worthwhile. It made me forget that I was once again breaking inside temporarily.

While we were being driven to our hotel, located at the top of the hill, I got to check the nearby shops around and had me thinking only one thing on my mind. Pasalubong! Shopping is my top priority when we arrived, so we headed directly to the mall and had myself checked out some cookies, chocolates, and coffee just for my family alone.

Before having dinner at our hotel, I insisted for us to have a quick break in a cafe just along the road. It was not my intention to trick our officer to have us treated, yet he insisted paying for whatever we have ordered. We had random conversation on that table and though our time was cut short with our Italian friend, since he need to prepare himself leaving at 9 o'clock, I must say that it was fun! Literal fun.

In the morning, we woke up early and took some pictures, enjoying our last few hours in the country.

[apollosson]

12:21 | December 14, 2022 (Augusta, Italy)

Just turned 25. Luckily, I got to celebrate my first birthday ashore at one of the local bars in Augusta.

I planned when to go ashore, even insisted for it, and made searches online to look up somewhere aesthetically pleasing. Funny that I prepared all that for weeks just for social media. Anyways, the bar's name is LAG (Lounge and Gourmet). What caught my eye is it's facade. Probably the only bar that is facing the beautiful sea sorrounding Augusta. Initially, I thought it would be cool to eat outdoor to capture the scenery but we end up having our three course meal inside instead, cracking my savings almost 100 EUR.

On a different note. I made it. Currently at 70 kg! Now, lets maintain it. I still don't know how I would cope up when I am back home because temptations in the Philippines are way harder. I mean who would not miss My Girl's milktea? Starbucks' coffee? That's just half of the fun - Jollibee and other fast foods will also be hard for me to avoid for sure.

[apollosson]

12:11 | November 16, 2022

Most of the people onboard are impatient. Honestly, I don't get why my dad used to act some type of way when we were kids. There is something off about him and somehow all of that made sense when I got on board. They're all kinda problematic. Especially the old ones. How? I am not 100% sure but if I were to be asked, maybe because they're still trying to catch up with the year that we're currently on. I believe their beliefs, actions, and mindset are still stuck during the time before they got on board. Knowing that there were no social medias before and they were just on board the ship for almost a year, it is not far impossible that their old ways are still instilled.

And maybe that's why I got threatened by the cook. A little misunderstanding that could've been resolved but then since our ways are not that really in line, it lead to threatening me and hurting me physically. It happened around 12:30 am when we finished stocking our newly arrived provision. While I was preparing to leave the kitchen, I was asked by him to go bring to the Bridge the provision list that he checked. Before going upstairs, I also brought some of captain's requests to avoid going back and forth. I thought all were cool until we got back from our rest hour.

When we got back from our rest time, he immediately brought up the issue as soon as I entered the kitchen. "I didn't like you complaining to all of my requests" he said. I'm confused and thought that it wasn't for me but there were only three of us in the room and I was the only one he always have a problem of. He then clarified that it was about what he asked me to bring earlier that day. Staying calm wasn't really my forte that day. I had a lot on my plate and though the argument is too shallow, I got fed me up. While kept insisting that I was complaining, I repeatedly clarified that I wasn't until we raised our voices. That was before he smashed his sharp knife, ran towards me, and laid his finger unto my cheek saying "You don't know what I can do to you".

A lot of you might thought I could've handled the situation even better by just shutting up - yet not everyday is a good day. This very same person has been bullying me for the whole 5-6 months. Every Filipino on board can attest to that. I've been called a whore by him, I've been judged as the laziest among us siblings by him, and was even called as "someone without common sense". He has something to say about me almost everday. He has been belittling me since the first day I was here on board so it's not fair to tell me that I didn't handled it nicely. I was patient. He got used to it and I had enough. So after what happened, I reported him and had him sent home after a week.

[apollosson]

22:00 | September 07, 2022 (Adriatic Sea)

Three months and counting on board when I realized that this job isn't really for me. I've finally made a decision. A hard one.

It's hard to swallow that huge amount of pride. My classmates, parents, teachers are for sure looking up on me to succeed in this path. My career has been a prayer of some, but it seemed like I have taken it for granted. I hope I did not disappoint my parents with the decision that I have made. This is not a story of me failing. I'm taking this as another path of mine to success. Success can be defined in various ways, and it just so happen that mine isn't what I have took up in college.

So what are the reasons that made me give up? We all know that motion sickness already kills me but aside from that, I thought about how my life was spent so far. In a year, almost 75% of it is at sea. That percentage is how I spent most of my life. Just working. Mind you, the set up is not a work and life balance. That 75% is 100% work. You're like a prisoner yet earning dollars every month. Working from 6 am until 8 pm. Imagine that repitition and only to find out you'll consume every cents that you have saved throughout the contract for just 2-3 months at home. A hundred thousand almost did not last a month on me lol.

I honestly don't know where I should start after finishing this contract, but I thought about this long enough and I'm quite confident that being a flight steward might be the perfect job for me. Well, not only because of the fact that I am into lavish things but I know that customer service is where I am good at. Plus, I am still "travelling the world for free". Seems to be hitting two birds with one stone. I am not getting young so I'm hoping that this is it. There's no turning back. For my goal, I know that there are things I still need to work on, specifically my weight. An overweight mark on my BMI will definitely not give me a pass. Working out might not be my favorite but it's the only way to help myself, so I downloaded an app to follow some workout routine, started being picky on what I eat, and followed helpful influencers online. I hope it helps. I am currently aiming for 78 kg from 83 kg.

[apollosson]

06:54 | June 16, 2022 (Ravenna, Italy)

Supposedly, we should've been transferred yesterday directly to the ship from the airport - but due to our delayed arrival, we were asked to stay the night at a hotel instead.

Since we've arrived in Turkey, I have manually adjusted my phone's local time. Never thought it would result to waking me up too early tor breakfast at the hotel in Italy. My room looks simple. Not really as lavish compared to all the hotels I've stayed in throughout my experience as a seafarer, yet it wasn't that bad either. Just got outshined.

Of course, with a little vacant time in my hands - I spent the most of it outside to explore. I also had something to drink after founding an open cafe

[apollosson]

18:22 | June 15, 2022 (Istanbul, Turkey)

Vacation days are over! On our way to Italy, we had a layover of about 4 hours in Istanbul. How else would I spend that? Eating somewhat I feel unusual of course. I had baklava and a bread filled by lots of chocolates, and when I say lots i mean "diabetes".

[apollosson]

16:20 | June 11, 2022 (Alabang, Philippines)

We planned to visit the National museum on the day of our anniversary - yet a day together is just too short, so we made a reservation in Alabang around Madrigal Business Park as a pre-day celebration and to maximize our time as well while I am still in the Philippines.

We had coffee at Molito while binge-watching Ru Paul's Drag Race after unpacking in the hotel. It's our favorite reality TV show. After, we wander around Alabang Town Center, just spending nonsense together.

00:27 | June 12, 2022 (Intramuros, Philippines)

Alabang used to be just my workplace. I spent two years honing my customer service skills here as an employee of Interglobe Technologies, the company I hated so much. I learned a lot from them and most are taken from bad experiences. Yet somehow I am grateful. Grateful to meet colleauges that supported me for life like Iwa.

For the longest time that I've been here, it's no longer a brainer that I know the "not so explored" places around. So I brought my boyfriend to Kina Lola at exactly 12 midnight. It's a restaurant located at the very back of Madrigal, open 24 hours, serving delicious home-like meal. They are worth the visit. Happy Anniversary to us!

At 12 pm, we checked out and headed to the museum. Out of all what we have planned to visit, we ended visiting the National Museum of Fine Arts alone until it closed. We really had no plans afterward so we stayed chatting at Starbucks in Mall of Asia.

[apollosson]

17:38 | June 8, 2022 (Makati, Philippines)

4 days before me and my partner's anniversary, I was called by the office to check-in in a hotel so I can prepare for my flight to Italy. What a bummer! I thought about giving an alibi to our crewing manager just to delay my embarkation a little bit but I guess nothing can stop it now.

The hotel is located at Poblacion just right exactly where my boyfriend and I spent our 1st of April. My room does not have that instagram aesthetic but it definitely screams expensive apartment. Out of curiousity, I even called over the telephone just to ask the front desk how much it normally costs if I reserved a room. Guess what, it's 10k a night. Not really the type of amount I don't mind spending lol.

14:28 | June 9, 2022 (Makati, Philippines)

I tried to cherish my 2 days in the hotel by relaxing. Of course, I had to for I know the upcoming contract would be a stress. Speaking of stress? Their meal is so delicious. That maja blanca I had at dinner time was godsend. The little pig inside me can't even contain it and insisted to have more delivered. Too bad they already ran out. Anyways, that night was still quiet sad. I kept thinking about missing out our anniversary. It should've been my first time.

Yet right before I go to sleep, who would've thought my strong manifestation paid off. My embarkation day got delayed! Just received a message that we will be checking out tomorrow and will be contacted again once final. It was just the news I was hoping for. So basically, I spent a lovely staycation to just unwind.

[apollosson]

13:07 | May 25, 2022 (Intramuros, Philippines)

After so many months, my bestfriend and I met again as planned all along by my boyfriend. Though I was put on the spot to make amends, I also think it's really the time. Additionaly, our problem isn't that big at all to take that long - so I just went anyway to see her.

It was a simple brunch in Intramuros accompanied by our hilarious throwback memories. Iwa (also known as Kim) is the funniest friend of mine. No one can top her at the moment. Our friendship started when I worked in a BPO industry in Alabang. We've been close for 5 years now, I think. She literally knows everything, even my dirty secrets. She has been there not only during my highs but also during my lows, and though sometimes there were inconsistencies, we eventually talk about it and be the best of bestfriends like nothing happened. She's special - she's the only one who I believe who truly cares as a friend and probably the first person to ever gift me something on my birthday. It's a little embarrasing to share this but ever since I started making friends, no one really did made an effort on my birthday. I'm one of those peeps who prepare surprises, offer them gifts for their birthday but never received any in return. Maybe that's the reason why I never miss a present for my siblings for their special day. I know how it feels to not receive anything. It sucks.

After our long conversation in Intramuros, we went to the cinema of Mall of Asia to watch Dr. Strange: Multiuniverse and spent the rest of the day at the bay. We talked about life and what we have improved from years back versus now. So far, a lot of things have already changed; salary-wise, lifestyle, and even our physical appearance.

[apollosson]

10:41 | April 19, 2022 (Tagaytay, Philippines)

When I arrived back in Manila, I planned to keep my entire month busy, and since I am expecting to be back on board the next month, I agreed a 2-day staycation with my ex in Tagaytay. Hoping it's something I would not regret doing.

We met early in the morning and had lunch at Santouka when we arrived in Tagaytay. Of course, I had another bowl of ramen with a bunch of other japanese meal that I can't even recall. Just to share, I quite notice that I have this habit to find a resto every after resto whenever I'm outdoor - so yes, after Santouka we went to Tsokolateria. Imagine how much I was spending in a day? Probably that's the reason why I left Boracay empty handed lol. At least, I am noticing those bad habits.

When we headed back to the hotel, we spent our evening at the balcony consuming the alcohol I brought, and though our first few hours together were fun, I decided to cut that off to discuss something more serious. Us. What are we really? What happened wrong? I had a lot of questions. Unending probably. I started to become emotional that night and my eyes can't even contain it. Those tears were probably the sum of all my disappoinments and frustrations. And to add up the things we've known after the break up, it must be the most heartbreaking thing I've ever felt. It's an honest conversation with stabbing daggers.

I will always love this person though it hurts. Even love him in his worst. Will still accept him with all his flaws but I quite don't have the trust to believe that he will do the same. In some instances, I felt like he is always ready to let go and I hate that feeling. If ever he is reading this, I hope he will never stop showing how much I am important to him when I am losing my patience or when I am losing the will to continue our relationship. I know that there are times that he will get tired but I also hope he will learn to lower his pride when I am losing it. I might not be able to propell any further if I felt that I am just as replaceable like others. This might be the last time. I don't know if I am special as much as I think of how he is to me but I hope he will hold that line for me since I know I am no longer as stable as I was. I know he hates it when I overthink but believe me - I also wanted not to thrice as much.

16:22 | April 20-22, 2022 (Tagaytay, Philippines)

We didn't really do much on our 2nd day. We stayed almost half of the day in the bed and just had Samgyupsal as lunch and spent the night at the rooftop enjoying the 360 view of Olivarez. The next day should've been our last day but decided last minute to extend our stay a day more. It was just a normal day spending nonsense in a room; watching movies, eating meal together, and whatever "normal" couples do. We became official again around this day and he thought about me really the person he needs in his life. Hopefully it's something he means for I'll take that for life.

Before we packed home on our last day, we enjoyed the pool early in the morning before checking out. After, we took a bus to where my mom is to drive us home.

[apollosson]

11:09 | April 13, 2022 (Iloilo, Philippines)

I woke up a little better than the few days. I didn't even notice when it stopped raining. This might be my first sunny day in Iloilo but as much as I want to stroll around the city, I only have about a thousand pesos left in my pocket. Just a fair amount to travel to the airport lol. Luckily, I was allowed to swim at the hotel's pool to keep me busy.

We had japanese food for lunch, and it was embarassing that I can't even treat my cousins that time. It was indeed a lesson for me to save more to just even repay their kindess. And just about time I thought about sleeping so I could forget how I was disappointing everyone, my closest cousin messaged me if I was still around the city. There, she asked me to meet up with her so we can spend the rest of my day in the mall. We also had milkteas while playing in an arcade. She made that day a little extra.

My flight will be on the next day so we wasted no time by spending a night together together with our other cousins. Sleepover indeed with a lotta fried snacks!

[apollosson]

22:15 | April 12, 2022 (Iloilo, Philippines)

My morning was still accompanied by rain but what's worst was the fact that the water level was almost reaching our floor tile. Luckily, our cousin was there to picked me up and drove me to the city so I could enjoy Iloilo a little better.

There, we stayed at a hotel, drank beers with my other cousins, and watched a movie until were asleep.

[apollosson]

16:32 | April 11, 2022 (Iloilo, Philippines)

Before I fly back to Manila, I travelled roughly 6 hours by bus from Caticlan to Zarraga. This is where I spent my childhood days most. We used to live by the river, also behind a gas station. We have a large compound where our house is standing nearby our cousins'. It used to be our playground. But things have changed when I got there. Some place just feels sad. Even our house doesn't feel home anymore. Probably the only thing that stays is the taste of batchoy! It is still the best!

Too bad I wasn't able to relive my past by roaming around. It was raining since I came so half of the day, I was stuck on bed with no electricity source as well. With my battery almost half empty, I still managed to tap my highschool batchmates over social media to hang out. Thankfully, there were two of them who's available. I was with Denmar and Antoinne. Less but real. Denmar picked me up with his car and drove me to the city to meet up with Antoinne. Though our time is cut short, it is still a moment to cherish. At least the first day was somehow productive.

[apollosson]

11:06 | April 9, 2022 (Boracay, Philippines)

Welcomed by their lychee drinks, I booked our last stay at my sister's workplace - Belmont. She prepared everything for me that day from kayaking, mountain biking, and even our sunrise tour for the next morning. It was an experience and every cent spent was indeed worth it!

And for my last "biga" story, I almost meet up with one of my Instagram mutual friend again ~ who happened staying near our hotel. We almost met but I just didn't have the thought of having fun that night. I was more quite interested in having a me time that day, moreover, my ex seemed becoming the man I used to know. There might be a chance of getting back. What do you think? Am I ready to be heartbroken once more? lol

The past few days, I felt independent. I only had myself to make a decision, though technically my sister was there, but I was the one in charge the whole time. It was less restricting but somehow feels wrong.

While prepping to leave Boracay, I know I had a glimpse of freedom - and for some reason, freedom can also be sad. If I were to define it, Freedom means not giving a fuck while enjoying our every bad decisions. Yet, if we were throw that out and have it disected; how will we identify our bad and good decisions if we don't listen? With no one to correct us, bad and good decisions may seem the same. Maybe It's not bad at all to have someone controlling our actions. My parents really care, I guess.

[apollosson]

12:28 | April 8, 2022 (Boracay, Philippines)

Just overslept. If I stayed cuddling on JP's bed that night, we might have started our day later than 12 pm. This deserves a coffee break!

After our brunch, we took a trike to Puca Beach. I honestly don't know what makes this place so different from others. It's just another beach, at least for me.

It was just a nice day with my sister. Nothing more than that. The only thing that might have happened today differently is seeing those monkeys 🐒 on our way back to the hotel.