apocrypha-agrestis

[apocrypha-agrestis]

There are trenches carved into my mind.

I have never heard the boots ring, nor seen the field smoking.

And yet my mind is drowned in trenches, bombs, bullets, and casualties.

What kind of war could be justified against a child to leave such carnage?

What crime against the future of humanity did the mind of a child form to justify these wounds?

Why is there a thousand yards behind the eyes that have never even seen the sea?

Ever door slammed is like a firework to a veteran.

Every shout like a car's backfire.

I am left with the wounds of a war I was too young to ever win.

[apocrypha-agrestis]

mormon april fools idea: replace the sacrament water with carbonated water

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I was forcefully forged in faith fuled flames.

Nothing but inconsiderate, incessant, and inconsolable.

These flames hotter than a hell never heralded.

But despite the verses and vocab and veritable verocity of education,

All I can say now is:

Why do they get to be upset,

I was just a fucking kid.

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I love explaining the mormon church to people who have rarely been exposed to it, because what's normal to me is so batshit insane to literally everyone else it makes me laugh

Literally everyone ever after I explain the urim and thummim, the three nephites, and the endowment temple ceremony:

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I am 100% certain that going on a mission is a brainwashing speedrun designed to break young people as quickly and efficiently as possible in order to build them into better members while dodging the cult allegations.

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I’ve trained my dogs to expect their dental treats when I offer them “the body of Christ”. Is this heresy or blasphemy?

A rare occasion where it's both! Animals can't receive communion/experience the sacraments because they have no souls. Additionally, I am going to safely assume you aren't a priest, so you aren't allowed to perform transubstantiation. Additionally, the Eucharist cannot be made of dental treats. Finally this whole thing is making a huge mockery of one of the single most sacred acts in Catholicism. Well done!

[apocrypha-agrestis]

Actually I'm thinking about this again. It (ex-catholic) basically said "no the bishop doesn't do that, he's busy he's got other shit to do."

And like. Why is interrogating teenagers about their personal lives such a high priority? (I know why and I know why we were all groomed to not question it but c'mon man)

shattered my poor wife's innocence today (asked how often Catholics get interviewed and got a "INTERVIEWED, WHAT IS THE BISHOP GIVING ME A JOB")

[apocrypha-agrestis]

when I was 8 my dad told me that now that I was baptized, there was an angel in heaven who tallied every sin I made in a little book.

im 27 now and the image of that book pops in my head every time I swear 🙃🙃🙃

[apocrypha-agrestis]

Idk if it's talked about much how being raised in a cult destroys your critical thinking.

questioning authority is NEVER allowed (for your safety, of course). but always question what everybody else says because theyre likely lying out their asses to GET you. but then these outsiders say things that Make a Lot Of Sense and suddenly you dk what to believe.

only 'good' thoughts are allowed. you're siding with the enemy if you ever agree with them. but the enemy thinks you're a bad person for these mentalities.

and then one day you grow up and you realize not a single opinion you hold is yours, nor is your personality. your personhood has been completely moulded for the authority's convenience-- you're the perfect mommy, the perfect therapist, the perfect maid. if you see any new opinions you immediately adopt them, even if you actively try not to. critical thinking? whats that?

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I value human life specifically in a way contradictory to God.

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I'm not catholic—of course I don't feel guilty for experiencing pleasure! << is protestant and feels guilty for experiencing rest

[apocrypha-agrestis]

HANK!! THE "LOVING COMMUNITY THAT TAKES CARE OF EACH OTHER" IS A CULT HANK!! CULTS NOTORIOUSLY PREY ON PEOPLE DESPERATE FOR A COMMUNITY THAT PROTECTS AND CARES FOR THEM!! THE SAFETY AND CONDITIONAL LOVE OF THE GROUP IS PRECISELY HOW THEY DRAW PEOPLE IN AND KEEP THEM THERE!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK

[apocrypha-agrestis]

shattered my poor wife's innocence today (asked how often Catholics get interviewed and got a "INTERVIEWED, WHAT IS THE BISHOP GIVING ME A JOB")

[apocrypha-agrestis]

im probably the only person who will get a kick out of this but i made a new mormonstuck banner for my silly blog. if there are any other exmormon homestucks out there, this is for YOU.

it's the brass plates engraved with 1 nephi 2:16 in alternian: "and it came to pass that i, nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature" which i think is just a hilarious phrase.

[apocrypha-agrestis]

Yet again, Mormons are told not to fully trust and rely on their own intuition. It could lead us astray. But it's okay to use both your intuition AND the leaders' guidance. So long as your intuition doesn't go against the leaders, you'll be fine.

Right, so I should ignore the weeping of my soul when I read the latest dehumanizing policy for transpeople who attend church.

I should ignore the injury to my soul when I hear the dangerous rhetoric surrounding those who are LGBTQ+, how we're unwelcomed, how we're not to be allowed to stay too long in members homes. (Don't start with me--Oaks said this in a talk a few years ago)

I should ignore my righteous rage surrounding the 150 billion dollar wealth of the church who chooses to build temples rather than homeless shelters in a state with immense homelessness.

I should ignore the lies these leaders blatantly speak. I should ignore the unjust excommunication of those who call them out for their duplicity. I should ignore a century of hiding the truth. I should ignore the coercion. I should ignore how much my intuition SCREAMS that this church is founded in wickedness in all its grandeur.

Absolutely not.

I cannot trust leaders who lie.

During my deconstruction, I learned to trust my intuition. In December of 2023, I felt an overpowering urge to pursue my highest excitement and joy. It was to write my Harry Potter Tomarry fanfiction, Terrible, But Great. I couldn't bear the idea that it would take me 3 to 4 years to finish Arc Two. The thought I had was: "If you had limited time to live, what would you do?"

I would write.

Two months later, I'm told that I need a hysterectomy because my uterus is in major precancerous conditions. If I do not get treatment, I could die of cancer in the next 5 years of my life. My future depends on this hysterectomy. My intuition impressed upon me months beforehand to focus on what I love.

It was not the Mormon Holy Spirit who told me this, not when I was two years out of my beliefs in Mormonism. Mormonism would tell you that I don't have the spirit anymore.

So, my intuition knew and told me.

I didn't need Mormonism. Leaving didn't take away my ability to be inspired, to be guided.

Mormonism says the world offers a mess of porridge, while it has your birthright. It begs you not to trade your birthright, like Esau did with Jacob. It lifts Jacob up for obtaining the birthright because of "righteousness," while demeaning Esau for trading it for a bowl of porridge.

Mormonism completely ignores how Jacob basically stole the birthright from Esau and tricked his aging, blind, almost deaf father to obtain the blessing.

But how interesting because the Mormon leaders are no different.

They are the liars.

They are the cheats.

They will do anything to "obtain the blessing," through any means.

I'm afraid their analogy is the opposite. Mormonism is the lowly mess of porridge, while outside of it contains a birthright so glorious and freeing, you can't imagine it while trapped.

If saying this makes me "an enemy," then so be it.

Mormonism claims to be focused on highest aspects of life, but the reality is it focuses on the minutia. It forces you to worry about the little things, until you're overwhelmed by it all. Until you're drowning under all these rules and cultural pressures. It teaches you not to trust yourself. It fills you with shame and guilt if you're doing anything outside of what it requires.

Mormonism claims that an all powerful, all knowing, all loving god has conditions on that love. (DO NOT START WITH ME. NELSON SAID THIS) It claims that god's love is unconditional, while telling you all the conditions that you must meet to obtain that love.

That is not love.

And if you think it is, then you do not understand what love is.

Love is unconditional. Love is everlasting. Love asks nothing in return for it to be given and received. Love is unconditional sacrifice. Love is selfish. Love is all encompassing.

You might love the Mormon God, but he does not act like he loves us.

If I, a mere mortal, loves others better than a god, then is that being truly a god?

No.

[apocrypha-agrestis]

I hadn’t realized how absolutely foreign a concept living for yourself is, as someone who was raised as a woman in Mormonism. Until I’ve. Started trying to rearrange my life to optimize tasks for my own windows of energy, my own interests, my own emotional stamina. And the whole damn time I go “but what about so and so, they need me at x time” and you know what? I’m tired. I’m so damn tired of being told my entire worth is based around making other people better. About how well I can take care of children (age wise and maturity wise — you’d best believe I’ve dated a whole string of man children because of this shit), how well I can maintain a home for the eyes and use of others, how I can be attractive but in a way that men don’t feel bad looking, that my entire worth as a human being is based around making others feel good.

And so I have to go, no.

It’s not selfish to exist as a person, and then for other people in the leftover spaces.

That’s what everyone else does. That’s what healthy people do.

You’re not taking from people. You’re taking back what you were coerced to giving in the first place.

(Note: I am a transmasc person; I’m not a woman. He/it/they pronouns.)

[apocrypha-agrestis]

despite being what we as observers can understand as an extreme example of traditional family + relationship structure, the cullens are notably outcasts in forks. in contrast, bella's father has ties to the werewolves, and states several times that he would prefer bella date jacob. in the events of the story, jacob, an indigenous teenage boy in a jarringly white story, seems to represent imposed normalcy. he becomes more of a sexual threat + subsequent racial caricature as meyer becomes less confident in the reader's understanding that edward and bella are endgame, and is eventually completely destroyed as a character in order to further the idea that choosing edward represents free will for bella (consider imprinting). what we recognize as traditionalism in our world is treated in the world of twilight as something that will forever other you from the rest of the world. the vampires are written as if they are countercultural, even though they aren't. edward even has a whole thing where he says romance was simpler in his time — this is not subtle. all of the cullens are white, pseudoincestuous, and withdrawn from society. does this make sense like do you see what i'm saying here. related: does anyone else think mormonism is scary.