apfelkvchen

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POV: You're petting a cat in Treviso, look up and see this.

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Hawke: So justice is an unwilling participant in our threesome?

Anders: Oh no he’s down he’s just going to be all Catholic about it

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Writing a list can save your whole life

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Hackett is like "Shepard I came to the Normandy to debrief you personally after you blew up that mass relay" and Ezra is just sitting there in his "Save a lollipop suck a dick" t-shirt.

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varric tethras woke up and put on his cock ring necklace and red tunic. he threw his hair up into a messy bun and came downstairs.

"pack your things bitch! i sold you for red lyrium money" said hawke from the kitchen table, cigarette in hand.

"what? you're a horrible person!"

"well i love red lyrium and i hate you!" said hawke. varric felt something hard hit the back of his head. hawke had thrown a copy of hard in hightown at him. varric ran for the door.

"hawke, he's trying to run away!" screamed anders as he grabbed varric. he was also smoking a red lyrium cigarette. when varric opened the door there was a beautiful butch lesbian standing there with a bald guy and a person with a glowing hand.

"ello, love! we're your new owners! i'm cassandra" said the beautiful butch.

"aren't you those losers from that stupid inquisition? there's no way i'm going with you!" varric turned to run away. the green hand one gestured to the bald guy, who started telling stories about the fade in extreme detail. it was so boring it started putting varric to sleep.

"thanks for taking him off my hands, inquisitor! goodbye, slut!" hawke laughed. it was the last thing varric heard before the bald guy's iambic pentameter made him pass out.

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Remember that time

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Himbo Kings + The Three Genders

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↳ KING ALISTAIR King Alistair of Ferelden is waiting in the Keep. Best not to keep a king waiting.

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this ain’t his first rodeo

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Snake's mind palace (uncensored under the cut)

okay I lied this isn't TOTALLY uncensored that one is on twitter/bluesky as usual. Dm me if you want to know the url. Kiss kiss

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Damn

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The plot of Punisher (2022)

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da2 isn't the best dragon age game *because* it's openly a tragedy, but being a tragedy forces a level of narrative coherence that the other games in the series don't have, and *that's* what makes it a better game.

okay, so. dragon age 2 runs on nested foreshadowing and a limited set of themes that almost every character and plot beat fall into: love is not enough, wealth is not enough, power is not enough, good intent is not enough. the problems you run into are structural, rather than individual, and your ability to resolve them as one person is strictly limited. the arishok is a central figure for this, because he prefigures every other tragedy and makes the game's thesis statement as clear as possible. he doesn't want to be in kirkwall, but he is compelled to remain until he gets back what was stolen. he doesn't want to lead a coup attempt, but he is compelled by qunari codes of justice to act. he does not want to die and fail his duty, but but he is compelled to by the other two impossible demands. every tragedy in kirkwall is the result of too many people with wildly different definitions of justice crammed into one place specifically designed to maximize human misery and suffering, and so you get a wonderfully nested narrative onion where each quest reinforces that idea, where there are no good options, just positions you can take — even the affinity system plays into that, where constantly gassing up your friends or constantly pushing them to change are equally correct ways to go, but ones that won't ultimately make a huge difference in their lives or characters, because no matter how much they like you, they're not under your control.

this coherence is even justified by the framing device. of *course* the moral of the game is "insisting on a dogmatic, narrow idea of justice destroys individuals and societies," it's a yarn being spun by varric the con artist to a chantry cop!

neither origins or inquisition play with that sort of narrative complexity. origins is a jaundiced hero's quest, certainly, but it's still basically a hero's quest; inquisition has a number of characters who question what you're doing and why, but the multitude of voices pulls the game in too many potential directions. DA2 was so constrained in its production that it pulled on decidedly ancient theatrical traditions, and it worked so, so well

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that’s how they found out that rook’s ‘good side’ wasn’t just vanity

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sinner