apexgamed

[apexgamed]

apexgamed , by your favorite kinnie. ft. pathfinder.

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Good morning bisexuals with mommy issues, mothers with empty nester syndrome, nerds who are trying their best to make new friends, and lastly, socially inept weirdos with great fashion sense and no brain to mouth filter

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never speak to me ever again

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[  @octvio​​  /  silent  hill  starters ,  always  accepting  ] : ​ “  you’ve  given  me  so  much  and  i  haven’t  been  able  to  return  a  single  thing.  ”  bye  back  on  my  clownery  now  that  im  out  of  tumblr  dyke  jail

THE  ANTICIPATION  OF  KING’S  CANYON  ROARS  in  your  veins ,  &  here ,  idle ,  waiting ,  you  can  almost  believe  that  you’re  back  home ,  in  the  familiar  mess  of  the  city.  (  waiting ,  waiting ,  for  mila  to  come  home  from  whatever  mess  she  had  escaped  this  time.  )  /  you  can  almost  believe  you’re  close  to  tasting  freedom.

...  except ,  of  course ,  for  the  adrenaline  junkie  next  to  you.  it’s  with  an  annoyed ,  fond  huff  that  you  press  back  against  the  warm  weight ,  &  for  a  second ,  you  close  your  eyes ,  /  &  you  can  almost  believe  you’re  safe.  (  that  will  never  be  true ,  of  course ;  not  with  the  syndicate  still  trailing  your  every  move ,  but  you  can  dream ,  right ?  )  it’s  not  often  that  you  can  get  them  comfortable  against  you ,  so  you  savor  this ,  as  much  as  you  can.

nightlight  filters  through  the  apartment  windows ,  the  sounds  of  octane’s  games  &  the  fan  of  your  poor ,  overheated  computer  (  you  should  really  turn  it  off  &  let  it  rest ,  but  do  you  have  the  time ?  )  accompanying  the  life  of  the  city  outside.  there’s  no  real  quiet ,  here ;  &  that  soothes  you  more  than  anything  else.

in  that  lull  of  familiarity ,  octane’s  voice  is  like  a  lightning  strike :   “  you’ve  given  me  so  much  &  i  haven’t  been  able  to  return  a  single  thing ,  ”  they  say ,  &  it  fills  you  with  fear. 

what ?  what  have  you  given ?  nothing  of  worth ,  more  like ;  you  have  offered  him  the  name  “  hyeon  kim ,  ”  &  the  iciness  that  has  grown  &  embedded  itself  into  your  heart ;  the  warmth  that  thawed  it  is  nothing  but  octavio’s  own.  here ,  in  the  games ,  you  have  done  nothing  but  keep  up  a  front  of  who  &  what  you  are.

what  have  you  given ?  what  have  you  given ?  what  have  you  given ?  

(  yourself ,  in  its  entirety ;  octavio  is  the  only  one  privy  to  these  intimacies.  your  laugh ,  your  frustration ,  your  private  life ;  haven’t  you  given  him  your  all ?  “  nothing  of  worth  ” ,  you  say ,  but  to  be  vulnerable  &  tender  is  to  risk  your  very  life. 

isn’t  that ,  too ,  worth  something ?  )

“  you  don’t  need  to ,  ”  is  your  gruff  reply ;  even  after  all  this  time ,  her  affection  leaves  you  flustered  &  makes  you  look  away.  &  still ,  &  still ,  &  still ;  your  hand  reaches  out  for  hers ,  tender  &  cautious.

“  you  don’t  need  to  at  all. ”

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@apexgamed     .  .  .      “   ‘   are  you  afraid ?   ’   from  crypto   ”     (   *  SILENT  HILL  2  PROMPTS  PART  ONE   /   ACCEPTING .   )

𝙷𝙴   𝙷𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚂  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚂𝙴  𝚀𝚄𝙸𝙴𝚃  𝙼𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂  𝙸𝙽  𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚆𝙴𝙴𝙽 .   this  deceptive ,   almost - calm  during  the  games  becomes  a  ringing  silence  in  his  ears :��  it  resonates  &  it  grips  &  it  trembles  in  the  marrow  of  his  bones .   𝙷𝙸𝚂  𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙱𝙴𝙰𝚃  𝚃𝙷𝚁𝚄𝙼𝚂   /   𝙸𝚃  𝙴𝙲𝙷𝙾𝙴𝚂  𝙰  𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙳𝚈  𝚁𝙷𝚈𝚃𝙷𝙼 ,   𝚄𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙻  𝙸𝚃'𝚂  𝙰𝙻𝙻   𝙷𝙴   𝙲𝙰𝙽  𝙵𝙾𝙲𝚄𝚂  𝙾𝙽 .   there’s  a  distant  sound  of  gunfire  in  the  distance ,   he  thinks ,   but  his  brain  struggles  to  process  it  as  anything  more  than  white  noise   /   now  that  crypto  is  so  close  to  him  like  this .   a  moment  in  hope  of  refuge  to  recharge  their  shields  had  left  them  scrambling  for  the  closest  crevice  to  tuck  themselves  away  in ,   but  they’re  still  here ,   lingering  long  after  they  should  have  left .   splayed  hands  press  against  the  cold  steel  of  the  supply  crates  he’s  leaning  against ,   meets  crypto’s  gaze  with  an  unmatched  intensity ,   wondering  if  they  can  also  hear  the  erratic  thrum  in  octane’s  chest .

𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈'𝚁𝙴  𝙳𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂  𝙾𝙽  𝙿𝚄𝚁𝙿𝙾𝚂𝙴 ,   𝙷𝙴  𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙺𝚂 .   both  of  you ,   blood  spattered  &  blood  soaked ,   casting  your  gaze  downwards  to  focus  on  the  steady  rise  &  fall  of  their  chest  as  you  lift  a  hand  to  brush  against  their  jacket  collar .   octane  tugs  at  the  fabric  to  pull  them  closer ,   notices  the  trembling  in  his  own  hand  when  he  does  so   &   tries  to  convince  himself  it’s  a  side  effect  from  the  stim  in  his  system ,   rather  than  something  else .   green  hues  flicker  to  meet  crypto’s  again   /   like  a   question   (   why  won’t  you  let  me  in ?   )   /   like  a  challenge .   (   them ,   born  of  late  wintertide   &   the  chill   &   the  bitterness  of  snow .   you ,   like  spring’s  first  bloom ,   like  the  promise  of  warmth  too  soon  to  come .    𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽  𝚈𝙾𝚄  𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷  𝙵𝙾𝚁  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼  𝚈𝙾𝚄  𝙽𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙻𝚈  𝙴𝚇𝙿𝙴𝙲𝚃  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼  𝚃𝙾  𝙵𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙷  𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚈 ,   𝙰𝚂  𝙸𝙵  𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈'𝚅𝙴  𝙱𝙴𝙴𝙽  𝙱𝚄𝚁𝙽𝙴𝙳 .   their  voice  only  echoes  this  cold  when  they  speak  to  you :   )

“   are  you  afraid ?   ”

a  beat  passes ,   &   then  another .   they  present  the  question  so  calmly ,   like  they’re  asking  about  the  hail  of  bullets  &  gunpowder  outside ,   instead  of  the  growing  ache  in  octavio’s  chest .   it  endears  him  &  infuriates  him  at  the  same  time .   so  he  decides  to  answer  in  the  same  vein :

“   nah .   done  this  a  thousand  times ;   i’ll  do  it  a  thousand  more .   ”   he  answers  coolly ,   but  the  lump  in  his  throat  is  all  encompassing   /   fears  for  a  moment  that  he  might  really  choke  upon  his  own  heart ,   now .   (   BECAUSE  I  AM  NOT  AFRAID  OF  THIS ;  OF  THE  RIGHT  NOW .   BUT  I  AM  TERRIFIED  OF  BEING  DEVOURED  WHOLE  BY  YOU .   i  realized  too  late  that  you  have  hollowed  out  a  cavity  within  the  cage  of  my  ribs  &  nestled  your  way  in  there ,   made  a  home  between  the  bones .   &   it  occurs  to  me  now ,   too  suddenly  &  too  bright ,   that  i  don’t  want  you  to  leave .   )

it’s  with  a  trembling  hand  that  his  palm  reaches  up  to  gently  cradle  at  crypto’s  jaw ,   thumbing  underneath  the  bone .   pulls  them  closer  for  a  second  time ,   and  asks :

“                       𝙰𝚁𝙴  𝚈𝙾𝚄 ?   ” 

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silent hill 2 sentence starters pt. 2.

“ is that why you’re here too? “

“ are you taping again? “

“ i don’t know why, but i just love it here. “

“ you know what i heard? this whole area used to be a sacred place. “

“ it’s too bad we have to leave. “

“ please promise you’ll take me again, ____. “

“ did you get the letter? “

“ did you find ____? “

“ how can you just let him / her / them die? “

“ why are you running away? “

“ thank you for saving me, but i wish you hadn’t. “

“ no, don’t pity me. i’m not worth it. “

“ maybe you think you can save me. “

“ will you love me? take care of me? heal all my pain? “

“ that’s what i thought. “

“ give me back that knife. “

“ for me, it’s always like this. “

“ i was weak. that’s why i needed you. “

“ that’s all over now. “

“ i know the truth. “

“ it’s time to end this. “

“ when will you ever stop making that mistake? “

“ i don’t need you anymore. “

“ that’s what you wanted! “

“ how can you throw me away? “

“ you deserve to die too, ____! “

“ forgive me. “

“ i told you that i wanted to die. i wanted the pain to end. “

“ that’s why i did it. i just couldn’t watch you suffer. “

“ that’s not true. “

“ the truth is: i hated you. i wanted you out of the way. i wanted my life back. “

“ if that were true, why do you look so sad? “

“ please do something for me: go on with your life. “

“ i’m sorry it took so long. “

“ didn’t you want to see me? “

“ i wanted to see you. even an illusion of you. “

“ that’s not true, is it? “

“ you killed me. “

“ you must’ve hated me. that’s why you got rid of me. “

“ i was… tired. “

“ do you really think i could ever forgive you for what you did? “

“ you better do something about that cough. “

“ i know i’ve done a terrible thing to you. “

“ i wish i could change that, but i can’t. “

“ every day i stare up at the cracks in the ceiling and all i can think about is how unfair it all is. “

“ i’m afraid that you don’t really want me to come home. “

“ whenever you come see me, i know how hard it is on you. “

“ i don’t know if you hate me or pity me. or maybe i just disgust you. “

“ i’ll always love you. “

“ i can’t tell you to remember me, but i can’t bear for you to forget me either. “

“ i’m so sorry for what i did to you, what i did to us. “

“ you’ve given me so much and i haven’t been able to return a single thing. “

“ i want you to live for yourself now. “

“ do what’s best for you, ____. “

“ ____… you made me happy. “

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silent hill 2 sentence starters pt. 1.

“ in my restless dreams, i see that town. “

“ you promised you’d take me there some day, but you never did. “

“ i’m alone there now. “

“ a dead person can’t write a letter. “

“ i didn’t mean to scare you. “

“ i’m kind of lost. “

“ i didn’t do it. “

“ i didn’t do anything, i swear. “

“ oh, it’s you. “

“ i don’t know what you’re planning, but there’s always another way. “

“ you’re the same as me. “

“ it’s easier just to run. “

“ no, i’m not like you. “

“ are you afraid? “

“ i’m so tired. “

“ did you find the person you’re looking for? “

“ i don’t know why i think he’s / she’s / they’re here. “

“ i’m not crazy. at least, i don’t think so. “

“ this town’s dangerous. “

“ it was you, wasn’t it? “

“ you didn’t love ____, anyway. “

“ do i look like your girlfriend / boyfriend ? “

“ i don’t look like a ghost, do i? “

“ you’re coming with me? “

“ you were gonna just leave me? “

“ i’m all alone here. “

“ everyone else is gone. “

“ i thought you said the cops were after you. “

“ nobody will ever forgive me. “

“ how can you sit there and eat pizza? “

“ it’s just a hangover. “

“ what if you can’t find ____? what will you do? “

“ i haven’t thought about that. “

“ you don’t sound very happy to see me. “

“ i was almost killed back there! “

“ why didn’t you try to save me? “

“ i’ve never been so scared in my whole life! “

“ you couldn’t care less about me, could you? “

“ you’re alive! “

“ i thought that thing killed you! “

“ it stabbed you; there was blood everywhere! “

“ did something happen to you? “

“ are you confusing me with someone else? “

“ you always were so forgetful. “

“ you said you took everything. “

“ how do you know about that? “

“ all i want from you is an answer. “

“ it doesn’t matter who i am. “

“ i’m here for you, ____. “

“ see? i’m real. “

“ don’t order me around! “

“ oh, i see. you’re trying to be nice to me, right? “

“ you don’t have to lie. go ahead and say it. “

“ don’t touch me! “

“ you make me sick. “

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@stimrush​ ,  among  us  au.

HE  THINKS  THEY’VE  GONE  OVER  THIS  a  hundred ,  a  thousand  times ;  but  he  is  nothing  but  meticulous  in  his  plans ,  &  can  only  pray  that  octane  will  follow.  “  you  know  what  to  say  when  the  alarm  goes  off ,  right ?  ”  a  flimsy  excuse ,  maybe ,  but  one  of  many.  “  repeat  it  back  to  me.  ”

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개나리 빛깔의 춤

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𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄  𝐎𝐑  𝐃𝐈𝐄 , 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄  𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑  𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄.  hi  hiii !  this  is  an  independent ,  selective ,  &  low  activity  multimuse  for  apex  legends ,  loved  by  your  local  nb  lesbian.  i’m  not  new  to  tumblr ,  but  only  recently  got  into  apex  legends ,  so  you  guys  know  the  drill ,  right ?  give  a  ❤  or  ↺  if  you'd  be  interesting  in  interacting ,  please !

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Cryptane somehow snuck into my house and stole another piece of my heart.

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octane when crypto comes home

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idk if im still in gay baby jail so ill probably do a promo tmrw ... for now um ... starter call? <3

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𝑖  𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑  𝑠𝑎𝑦  𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑒  𝑚𝑦  𝑑𝑢𝑠𝑡   …   𝙱𝚄𝚃   𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴   𝙰𝙻𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝚈   𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳,   𝙰𝙼𝙸𝙶𝙾 !    canon  divergent,  independent  &  low  activity  writing  blog  for  octavio  silva  of  apex  legends,  by  danny.   please  mind  the  tws  on  my  pinned.   i’m  not  new  to  tumblr  as  a  whole,  but  the  apex  rpc  is  relatively  small,  so  if  you  could   ♡   and   ↻   to  help  me  find  writing  partners,  it  would  be  appreciated:)

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is this ur apex multi or ur kin list🤨🤨🤨🤨

go look in a mirror mr “octane pfp on discord” 

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i cant aim