anyakshi

[anyakshi]

How could you treat me so wrong if you really did love me? Why were you so secretive about our relationship? Whom were you hiding it from?

I loved you so much, gave you so much, all you did was hurt me, ignore me, treat me like trash. You never supported me. And I know you cheated on me, if not physically, I know you at least flirted with someone else. I need answers for so many things but I will not ask you. I will cry myself to sleep every single day but I will not give you the satisfaction to knowing that I’m miserable because of you. You don’t deserve that.

I know my heart was in the right place and I know that my intentions were pure, so I will not regret anything. I just hope that you know what you’ve lost and you come back and apologise to me. I deserve at least that much.

You’ve hurt me a lot, Annison and I don’t need to say mean things to you. My heart is so broken that someday, Karma will get you. Now I understand why Aeral did what she did. I think you deserved that.

I loved you, I truly did. And that’s where it all went wrong. You begged me to date you, begged me to marry you and have a life with you. But none of it was real for you. I hope one day someone you really care about leaves you at the altar and leaves you so broken that you’ll never dare to love again. I really do hope that.

[anyakshi]

You are an addiction. When I am next to you, I have to touch you, feel you, smell you. Put my lips to your skin and drink the warmth as if my life depended on it. And when I am away from you, I fantasise about what I would do the next time I see you.

It’s an addiction, but I love it.

[anyakshi]

“I wish to sit under the same sky with you and tell you things whenever I want to, look at your face as I tell them. Not having to wait for you to check your phone and reply to me in emotionless words, without the twinkle in your eyes or the little smile forming in the corner of your mouth.”

[anyakshi]

“Sometimes when I think of you, I have to stop doing whatever it is that I’m doing. It consumes me whole.”

[anyakshi]

"I love you but..."

I'm with someone else.

I need to focus on my career.

I need space.

I need to take care of other responsibilities.

I'm not sure about this anymore.

I don't think this would ever work.

And all this while, all I did was wait, and love. I continued to wait, and love. I still do. I still am.

[anyakshi]

[anyakshi]

Dearest Annison ❤️

[anyakshi]

[anyakshi]

Please help me escape. Please take me with you to your world and don't ever let me go. Do something. I cannot speak, or see, or breathe anymore. I'm lying here paralysed by everything around me, that reminds me of you. Everything is starting back at me telling me to call you, to reach out and beg you to give me back my breath. So I can continue living again. There's this sharp pain running through my chest, piercing through my heart. And it hurts, it hurts to move, to breathe, to do anything at all.

So please, please, take me with you. Even though it's the worst thing that can happen to me right now.

[anyakshi]

ले चल वहाँ जो मुल्क तेरा है

जाहिल ज़माना दुश्मन मेरा है

[anyakshi]

"My love"

My love is remembering the most random things about you.

My love is letting you go on after you interrupted me.

My love is noticing the smallest nuances about you.

My love is getting something for you and saying "this made me think of you".

My love is thinking of you all the time.

My love is checking up on you on random days, at random times.

My love is cooking for you.

My love is cancelling every plan when you call.

My love is putting aside everything else for you.

My love was meant for you.

My love is dead because of you.

[anyakshi]

A year ago, someone asked me:

"Why do you like reading Harry Potter?"

To which I replied: "It helped me escape reality."

He said, "That's the correct answer."

[anyakshi]

"Please don't hate me."

You ask me to stop telling you that I still love you. You think if I do that, it'll somehow stop being true. But it doesn't work that way. I could hold my tongue the next time I see you but my eyes can speak volumes, they have a mind of their own.

There was a time when you used to tell me that you love me all the time! And when I would finally say it back to you, without missing a beat you would smile and lean in to kiss me. Where did all that go?

I look at you now and all I see is a shell that I recognise but what lies beneath it is unfamiliar to me. You tolerate me now. You remind me over and over again that there's nothing left between us, when in reality you could cut the tension with a knife. Why is it that you are trying so hard to deny what we have, to forget what we had.

I know I can't ask you to love me back, or change your mind about us. And I have promised myself that never will I ever beg someone to love me. But can I ask you for just one little thing? Just one?

Please don't hate me.

[anyakshi]

Dear A,

I know there's nothing left between us but I still find an excuse to mention your name in every conversation I have, even with strangers.

Don't ask me why. And don't ask me to stop.

Love,

A

[anyakshi]

[anyakshi]

To feel is a curse. And to not feel is unfortunate.

I am cursed, but I'd rather be unfortunate. I would like to shed my skin, and you.

I would like my skin to release the poison it soaked in from your body that ill fated night.

All I wanted was for you to tell me why, but what I got instead was the wretchedness of remembering your weight on me for the last time. The weight I have been so eager to lose for more than a year now.