anyakshi

[anyakshi]

I’m done being the second option. I’m done feeling like I’m nothing but just a body for everyone, while all I wanted was to be loved. And I loved, with all my heart. Everybody that came across. But all I got was mud from your feet that you so carelessly wiped against my heart. But I still stayed, patiently, waiting to be seen. But why will you look at me again? I’m just a doormat right?

[anyakshi]

Oh the way I shivered!

[anyakshi]

Little boi

[anyakshi]

[anyakshi]

The grief of losing something you never had is the hardest to deal with. You feel the grief with great intensity but you feel stupid because you cannot justify why is this affecting you this way when it was not even yours to begin with.

[anyakshi]

All the boys I’ve loved:

“You are like a dream, Anyakshi. And dreams cannot be reality, but I’m happy I was a part of it.”

“Just rely on me, lean on me. I will be your stability. You don’t have to do anything. I’ll put all the efforts.

“No one has ever shown me the love you’ve have shown me.”

“You are the most beautiful, purest soul ever. I feel like I’m the luckiest man on earth.”

But,

“I cannot be with you. I don’t have the right state of mind/capacity/time/energy to be with you right now.”

[anyakshi]

Imagine you are starving and your favourite food is laid out on the table. You sit down, ready to devour, you cannot contain the happiness you feel. But just as you take the first bite, someone comes and pulls the tablecloth so all of it falls on the floor. Now you are on your knees, flustered and desperate, willing to eat it off the floor too. You just want to fill yourself up to kill this uncomfortable hunger. But it’s being swept away from you now, and the desire to burn the overwhelming feeling of discomfort grows in you but you cannot do anything about it now. You have got to lie there, on the cold floor, waiting for the next meal hoping that this time you would get the time to satisfy yourself.

That is how I feel about love.

[anyakshi]

How could you treat me so wrong if you really did love me? Why were you so secretive about our relationship? Whom were you hiding it from?

I loved you so much, gave you so much, all you did was hurt me, ignore me, treat me like trash. You never supported me. And I know you cheated on me, if not physically, I know you at least flirted with someone else. I need answers for so many things but I will not ask you. I will cry myself to sleep every single day but I will not give you the satisfaction to knowing that I’m miserable because of you. You don’t deserve that.

I know my heart was in the right place and I know that my intentions were pure, so I will not regret anything. I just hope that you know what you’ve lost and you come back and apologise to me. I deserve at least that much.

You’ve hurt me a lot, Annison and I don’t need to say mean things to you. My heart is so broken that someday, Karma will get you. Now I understand why Aeral did what she did. I think you deserved that.

I loved you, I truly did. And that’s where it all went wrong. You begged me to date you, begged me to marry you and have a life with you. But none of it was real for you. I hope one day someone you really care about leaves you at the altar and leaves you so broken that you’ll never dare to love again. I really do hope that.

[anyakshi]

You are an addiction. When I am next to you, I have to touch you, feel you, smell you. Put my lips to your skin and drink the warmth as if my life depended on it. And when I am away from you, I fantasise about what I would do the next time I see you.

It’s an addiction, but I love it.

[anyakshi]

“I wish to sit under the same sky with you and tell you things whenever I want to, look at your face as I tell them. Not having to wait for you to check your phone and reply to me in emotionless words, without the twinkle in your eyes or the little smile forming in the corner of your mouth.”

[anyakshi]

“Sometimes when I think of you, I have to stop doing whatever it is that I’m doing. It consumes me whole.”

[anyakshi]

"I love you but..."

I'm with someone else.

I need to focus on my career.

I need space.

I need to take care of other responsibilities.

I'm not sure about this anymore.

I don't think this would ever work.

And all this while, all I did was wait, and love. I continued to wait, and love. I still do. I still am.

[anyakshi]

[anyakshi]

Dearest Annison ❤️

[anyakshi]

[anyakshi]

Please help me escape. Please take me with you to your world and don't ever let me go. Do something. I cannot speak, or see, or breathe anymore. I'm lying here paralysed by everything around me, that reminds me of you. Everything is starting back at me telling me to call you, to reach out and beg you to give me back my breath. So I can continue living again. There's this sharp pain running through my chest, piercing through my heart. And it hurts, it hurts to move, to breathe, to do anything at all.

So please, please, take me with you. Even though it's the worst thing that can happen to me right now.

[anyakshi]

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